diaryofadorkyteengirl - Tumblr blog

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

Sunday October 20th 2019

I'm seeing a new girl now, M. M makes me happy and loves me unlike K did. K and I dated, until late August. K used me in our relationship to get over her ex. K was trying to get affection from a different source that wasn't abusive. K and I are still trying to stay friends but I'm happy with M. I met M in September and her and I instantly hit it off, we were jokingly flirting and then a few weeks ago we started actually flirting and she asked me out and I've been like swept off my feet since. M knows of how K was and I know how M's exe girlfriend was but we make eachother happy right now and that's what matters. M is like 6 ft and ajjshdsjjdjfj she likes to hold me and tell me how pretty I am and I'm a mEss. K did text me the other night though, out of the blue saying she loved and missed me and I sobbed for hours to m so as sOon as she saw me Saturday she hugged me and it was really nice

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

THE CRUCIBLE x KELLY AKASHI

Arthur Miller, The Crucible (1953)

Kelly Akashi, sculptures, Bound (2017) + Feel Me (2017)

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

June 30th 2019

Hi hello. I'm very happy. K and I are officially dating and so much has happened and he's still a dick but we're happy. We just had our first real date and we went to an arcade which is like our thing and I tried to win her a stuffed animal but totally failed but it's ok, we went to the park after and goofed off on the playground and talked about running away to the nearby city to live together and we just laid there in the grass and my head was on her lap.. I'm so unbelievably happy it's not even funny. We went back to her house and she showed me more of her favorite stuff she has there even though it's not my first time and she taught me something art related and we cuddled in her living room for like hours. We've been together officially for two months and I just can't believe how happy I am, she's been my first kiss and everything and I'm glad she's not my first relationship but she just makes me so unbelievably happy. My ex wasn't the best but it was a dumb relationship with two closeted girls, she still had a boyfriend at the time and we had a "thing." Which was, I wasn't allowed to speak to her, or see her without her initiating anything and if I did anything out of line or she didn't like, I would get screamed at and lectured by her.

I'm not one to compare relationships but being with K is so freeing because I can be myself, and she tells me how perfect I am and how much she loves me and she'll just hold me and wants to see me. She doesn't get mad if I text her a bunch and she loves with I'm excited and finds it adorable when I do childish dumb things and just gives me this look that I'm like her whole entire world and holy shit it's the most amazing thing. I'll catch glimpses of her watching me when we're together and it's just heart eyes. My ex once screamed at me because I goofed off with one of her friends in our class and I got lectured for so long for what seemed like two days and she wouldn't hold my hand and would barley talk to me in person because I was "childish and dumb." But K is just so different and she doesn't try to change me.. it's not just one sided either I'm so in love with her and it's like a dream come true, when she first kissed me it felt perfect. Not even just fireworks it just it clicked it felt right for me, just touching her or her holding me I feel so safe and perfect. She tells me her favorite thing is when I fall asleep on her because she gets to hold me and she makes sure I feel safe, before we were dating she told me I would text her about my nightmares and talk about how I couldn't sleep and she just wanted to hold me and be there for me, how she would lay there before falling asleep imagining how it would feel to have me at times at night pressed against her to hold me. One of the first times I did when we were in the awkward transition from best friends to dating she was doing her math work at school and I was leaning on her because she asked me too, and I was falling asleep and she put her arm around me and had me snuggle into her neck and I fell asleep. It was hard for her to do her work I guess so she just put it away and while doing that she just talked to me like I was awake, whispering about how perfect I looked and how pretty and how much she loved me and I just.

Oh god real quick she also calls me princess so much and I literally melt, all her nicknames have specific reasons other than honey and love and shit, but princess is legit my absolute favorite and she called me it before we started dating because we were talking about kissing and stuff since she had just had her first with her ex and she asked me about it and I said I'd never done it and was like "but I've always had some stupid childish dream it'd be like in the princess movies, I would watch those over and over and dream my kiss would be magic or something and fix whatever curse I have or something cheesy." And I was really embarrassed and she kept saying it was cute and that I was HER princess and she's literally called me it since, and when we first started using messenger to text since I never used it but she did, instead of snap since she got a new phone and didn't have a SIM card or whatever, she immediately changed my name to that and it's great and our first kiss legit felt magical even though we were in the middle of the hallway at school. It was just so soft and nice and I was walking her to her art class like always after we had literally first started officially dating and I buried my face in her neck when hugging her like we always did, and she just softly was like "I love you." And held me really close and then after a few minutes was like, "hey.." really softly and I looked up and she gently grabbed my chin and kissed me for like thirty seconds and I immediately kissed back and holy fuck it was so nice I'd literally been dying to kiss her. And she just giggled once we broke and was like "I'll see you after class ok?" and I made my way down the hall to my study hall and I literally couldn't contain myself

I'm gonna end this gush session here but I'm

So happy.

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

April 4th 2019

K and him broke up.. I'm very sure.. and I'm so unbelievably happy! K and him are staying friends if possible but K and I are also in the weird part of the "we're a thing but we don't know??" Stuff. K's come to terms with her sexual identity and finally figured out what she is for now and I'm very proud of her. After him she's been struggling a lot.. especially with her eating because of all the things he said to her about her weight and she literally bawled when I called her perfect. There was also um.. something that happened.

So as of uhh Friday last week K and I have just been all over eachother, she kisses my face a lot and holds me as much as possible. I have things with my dad to the point where he's physically abusive which is horrible but I'm safe and ever since an incident sometime last week she's been holding me like she'd lose me. But Friday while we were waiting for her bus she opened my old snaps where it was me gushing to her about how much I love her (of course) and she giggled and took a picture of us cuddling (which I forgot to save because she saved it and sent it to me.) and replaced him as her wallpaper to me :))) because I'm great :))). The next day I had a huge music competition (my group took second in state fuck yeah!! I got 1's on my solos.) and K just cried and told me I could do it and she was so proud of me and I was so happy even if she wasn't there it still meant a lot. Monday comes around and he first thing she does is hug me as tight as possible and attemp to lift me up and spin me (but I'm the strong one she's a noodle) and just buried her face in my neck. The entire day she just held my hand and held me since it was my more K centric schedule (all of our classes are near eachother so we walk everywhere together and we have lunch that day together) so we have a last block that's 45 minutes which is basically a loose study hall and K and I went to the library. She was watching food videos with me because that's normal and her hand was on my thigh which isn't out of character and we were cuddling. Her thumb started tracing my skin through my leggings and I started making a small squeak noise as, she began to inch closer to me. the closer she got the more my squeak came out to the point where she was right there and uhh yeah let's just say I moaned a little and she kissed my neck so that's pretty cool! Anyway fuck hIM and I'm amazing ;P

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

March 22nd 2019

ZoOWEE MAMA are we all in for a load of fucking trouble for K and I. So um it's been a long while since I updated on here so I might as well explain everything, it started more in December I gave K a ring for a Christmas present (she made me a bracelet we each wear eachothers thing everyday.) so that's fun and cool. Her boyfriend cheated on her, I shouldn't use cheated he still is. I met the guy maybe 4 times and lemme tell you I'm not being biased, he's a cUck- the first time I met him he was fine, kinda fun. We got a long. Second time oooh boy second time was Valentine's Day and that was not a fun day. At all. For background info K and I have gotten close, reaaalllyyy close. To the point where we depend on eachother for everything and we openly cuddle and hold eachother in public and everyone thinks we're dating. we walk eachother to class every morning and basically text nonstop. she knows my issues and I know hers and we take care of eachother, sweet right? so Valentine's Day, good ol February 14th I wake up to my usual good morning snap from K but this time since I had been complaining about how shitty Valentine's Day was for dAYS before hand I get, "good morning (my name) will you be my valentine? :))" and I teasingly go, "omg

Of course if only you'll be mine.." and we joke like that for most of the morning, more background info we were also originally planning on hanging out at her house together and doing a marathon of ghost shows but she also doesn't have a car anymore due to an accident. I also learned that morning I'm being forced to work concessions at my schools basketball game. So K brings me candy and I make her a dumb Valentine's Day card in French and there it is, it almost happens again in the middle of the hallway. She's about to kiss me while holding me while in the end she breaks away because a hUge flood of kids come down the hallway. So that night K learns she's coming to the game since some of her old friends from her old school are playing on the opposite team and her family wants to go, cool, k says she's gonna hang with me at concessions even though I'm working it with my mom. so K strolls in with her boyfriend , of course and now I get in a bad mood because I don't wanna see him, I'm jealous and it's gross, long story short I burned my finger three times on the popcorn machine. And now I was acting like a total bitch to K the entire night which I had NO right to at all and her boyfriend was getting mad because she just wanted to hover and watch me work and she would come

Over every few minutes and hug me and go, "are you okay?" And I would go ," no but it's fine." Which to her means "no but I'll explain it later." And she would go "okay that's okay I understand you're stressed I love you." And go back into the corner and just watch me from afar with her pissy boyfriend who just wanted to watch the game. Now he got so mad at one point he came over to ask me if I was ok enough so they could sit down and I said "I don't care what you do, it's her opinion not mine." And went back to work which PISSED him off so much. They eventually went in but K found me before she left to tell me goodbye and that she loved me, and I wouldn't stop apologizing for acting like a bitch the entire night.

delving into K and his relationship more, he takes me as a threat. I'm a not a good person for his "girlfriend" who he doesn't even care about and he does disgusting things too. When she goes to his house now he takes her phone if she's texting me, talk about abusive!!!! He's done much much worse which I can't get into without it being blatantly obvious who we all are. But let's just say that boy doesn't like me even thought he hit on me knowing full well who I was at a competition we were both at (and we won btw fuck him) and then lied to K saying he saw me but we didn't interact. I've stayed up all night with K crying over this stupid dumb boy who couldn't give two shits unless it's about having her to control and it's bad. I've had way more romantic stuff happen with K but I might as well save that for another post.

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

November 26 2018

K came up to me today and played with my hair in the middle of the hall. Out of no where too. She just came up and when she scared me her response was just to giggle and say hi and then dash off. she's been getting extremely happier to see me but the entire halls are covered with pictures of her boyfriend, her paintings to be exact.

In art class I keep painting two girls in a multitude of scenarios and scenerys and my teacher is catching on it's K. Who else would it be because she mentions k only in the way to me that would grab my attention and knock me off balance. When she became aware of K and I's friendship she was confused but excited I guess. The last time she mentioned K is when I made K a batch of little banana breads and K would always have them in her first period and told me she found it adorable. She knows I like K that I'm sure of.

My other friends aren't agreeing I should like K and neither is my mom. My mom began to hate K when I told her I was in love with her and not a boy. I'm sorry mom.

I've written songs and poetry lately and I'm happy with how they turned out. Most of them are of K and my emotions and the other ones a bitter resentful things I wrote out of anger.

Anyway it's been a long few days~ G

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

November 22 2018

Wow okay I haven't updated this in a while and no ones reading but I can vent my feelings.

Red is out of K's life and K is giving me mixed signals. K now has a boyfriend we'll call H. H according to K is just like me in almost every way except H is a guy. I know these things are confusing.

K's been acting weird and we've gotten a lot closer. I caught her watching me the other day while I was in class writing notes and she was in the hall. And earlier that day I saw on her journal she drew me and like painted it and had a lot to write which I'm hoping is good because she's a person I love a lot in my life.

Something's really been affecting me lately and K is getting extremely worried. I haven't been able to sleep because of nightmares and I've been pushing her and our other friend away (both have been reaching out and trying to help me.) we're hanging out soon and she's gonna figure out I hurt myself in a nervous breakdown last night and I'm kinda scared. I wanna open up and tell her everything but I don't want her to be like my past friends and call me a mess and leave.

My mom knows about my crush on K and has asked me to stop having any contact with her and cut her out of my life. (I said no and cried and yelled because this girl is my best friend and I can't lose her which to my avail my mom caved and gave up.)

I met H once. He laughed at me while I was dying in a mascot suit but it's fine I did look like an idiot when I couldn't breathe and K was yelling at me from the top of the bleachers if I needed help. I guess he also plays music and K likes him a lot so I'm stepping back.

Red made K uncomfortable and in the end she broke everything off with him; he has a new girlfriend and now that we're not like competing he's come to like me. I think red did something to upset K because when we were hanging out at the arcade whenever Red was mentioned by her it was negative so.

I'm gonna try to write to this more, thanks to whoever sees this for actually reading.

[diaryofadorkyteengirl]

August 9th 2018 7:50pm

Hi, uh hey haha. I thought it would be dorky and cute to make a, "is this thing on" joke but that would make sense. I feel like I should introduce myself and the characters in my life. You can call me G and I'm a 15 year old girl going into my sophomore year of highschool. Another main character you're probably gonna hear about is K or HER I don't know what I'm comfortable referring to her as right now but that's the girl I'm head over heels in love with. You'll probably hear about my Ex and my Ex-Crush who's also one of my best friends. You know what I'll just make a list it'll help me keep track too.

G:Me the dorky,cliché, 15 year old girl who's head over heels for a 17 year old.

HER/K: the 17 year old girl who I call my best friend I'm head over heels in love with. She does art and is really socially awkward and we met through softball and I forced her to be my friend (she's learned to love me.)

S: my dog he's only a year old and is a big part in my life (he has a plot to kill me.)

Ex: she's popular and we dated in secret for a few months, she was my "first love" but it was a toxic relationship where we both took our anger out by yelling at eachother.

ExCrush/Am: She's really funny and a big political figure in her town, she's at least 40 minutes away from me but one of my best friends. We met throu theatre and ever since every time we do a show together I'm pretty sure my weird feelings come back. (She liked me at one point also I'm pretty sure.)

Deb: he's chill that's his nickname, Am, him and I are a theatre trio it's fun as hEck

Mum: she's a hard worker and I love her, she has two jobs (one is owning a small business) and she tries hard to get me everything I want .

Dad: can be a selfish prick most of the time but gives his 5% when trying! Sits on his ass and sleeps or watched porn all day. He works weird shifts since he's a cop but he does try to be a dad at times so I have to give him that.

Aunt,Uncles+Young cousins: a huge part in my life, they all live under one roof and I stay there a lot. Rich part of my family

TV: my older cousin and honestly my older brother.

The entire rest of the alphabet: my school Mates let's get it covered now my friends are P,M,J,C,GH,B,L,N,A.

The seniors: they just graduated but I love most of them. I have now Senior Moms,Aunts and one dad because wHy not? We have Mjesus as I'll refer to her as and MD,Dad J, Ray,Alligator,DeL more will come up if I add them.

Jazz choir: a huge huge part in my life (or it was) I'm gonna talk about my previous years (last year and the year before but mostly last year) members that are important include: GH,Mjesus,Dad J,Tree,Dani,Semen(I'm sorry children but that's his actual nickname) Gabin,Trev, Penny.

Now I feel like because I mostly started this blog to talk about K I might as well do it. Anyone who figures out who I am since if you know me well enough probably already know this story so skip ahead!

It started in March, we had Preseason for softball and we were a few practices in. I had friends on the team but they all figured out their throwing partners and K and I were the only ones left without so the coach partnered us up, for everything. We began growing close over the practices and soon enough after I found out she was also gonna be on JV (I played varsity when asked) I was exctatic! We had a game and I remember on the ride home we were talking and I said we should catch a movie sometime. She agreed and we exchanged Snapchats, the movie never came but it's fine. Soon enough it was April or may and it was raining. Our coach said we could keep practicing but then it started down pouring and practice was called last minute. K and I always brought most of the equipment in together so we lugged all the heavy nets in and I had mentioned how I would have to walk home and how it sucked major ass. K said she could give me a ride but we'd have to wait for her brother so I gladly accepted. While waiting in her car we began talking. a lot. And laughing and joking and in mid laughing she stopped and put her hand on my arm. Everything was silent except for the rain pouring outside hitting the car and the low volume of Amy Winehouse playing when the foot between us became 6 inches then 3 inches and I could feel her breath against my lips and she was so close. But that's all it was we were close and that's when her brother opened the back door completly oblivious. Now her brother was in my grade and we barley talked and he was a huge dick to me. K's attention quickly went from my lips to her brother and they quickly began snapping back and fourth to eachother. And it quickly sunk into oblivion never to be mentioned again.

There's another character I never mentioned in the beginning but we'll call him Red. We'll talk about Red and how he's the antagonist in my and K's story next time. Since I feel like I've talked to much. Au Revoir until next time~