digitalterror-exe

[digitalterror-exe]

Long age, a few years ago I read the ramcoa tag and I thought this sounds familiar but dismissed it thinking it wasn't real / something similar wasn't happening me . I held onto the information though.

Then I heard it. My abuser wasn't talking to me, they were commanding me. Training me when to be reactive, to be silent, to have no say, to have no reaction or the one that benefits them. Then I realised it wasn't just them, everyone around us fed back to them, nowhere was safe. More and more I connect the more extreme, intentional conditioning (almost programming at times) I notice. We are hierarchical and made up of layers and groups.

Alters hold specific information or conditioning that seems to benefit others and I don't know what it means or what to do?

[digitalterror-exe]

I relate to Truman so incredibly much. I had that realisation that every one was reporting back to my abuser and that most of things I was being told was intentional lies as control tactics.

If you have been through group abuse or CIT then the Truman show will be relatable.

[digitalterror-exe]

Anyone else remember getting spanked for no reason, like I hurt there feelings and the next second I'm exposed like jeez who bad like 4 yo me piss you off??? Running??? Playing??? Fibbing??? all hittable offences in my parents eyes... it got so bad I started walking backwards when approached...

[digitalterror-exe]

Don't know who drew this, if anyone knows it'll be greatly appreciated and I'll be able to give credit

This drawing and text reminds us so much of our Delta Alters. Deltas are known as the "violent parts" within a Programmed System this image to us shows that even if our Deltas were/are programmed to be violent towards ourselves or others, they don't actually want to do it. Forced to become the monsters becoming something to be feared and to bare the fangs and claws created by the abusers

[digitalterror-exe]

programming things that suck:

programmed migraines

programmed seizures

programmed arousal

flood programs

spin programs

God, everything about being programmed is awful

[digitalterror-exe]

Hear me out. Take our hand.

You are not responsible or at fault for your abusers actions or other victims.

You are not guilty for what you needed to do to survive and the pain you were made to carry.

That is not your guilt to hold anymore.

You were / are a victim too.

[digitalterror-exe]

They killed a kid and created an abomination.

[digitalterror-exe]

As a non ramcoa victim who was abused in an organised (multi party involved) way, y'all need to back off of RAMCOA survivors, especially systems. it's hard enough being a trauma survivor, your projected guilt and denial doesn't help anyone.

[digitalterror-exe]

A part of me is scared that we went through ramcoa but idk.

[digitalterror-exe]

I am terrified. I think some of us may have been sxually processed. I get phantom flash backs, all the signs are there, they won't listen, denial is heavy but they know. Know.

They won't let us look into this they say false memories, I think I know how we were formed and I need to forget.

[digitalterror-exe]

TW: meantions of multiple party abuse, tortvre, gr**ming and more.

Our egg doner had a network people who she used as informants. I don't believe they knew but often they were legally required to tell her stuff, that included outing us.

Our egg doner is our processor who also practiced anti trans conversation practices on us.

She would never prevent us from getting to harm how ever she would use information against when she wished to, we believed this was planned.

She and her enablers would convince me that if I ran away or attempted to leave that me or my sibling would be murdered, r*ped or assaulted and trafficked in someway or another. We would continuously be brought back to her.

She would psychologically tortvre us. Whether it would be pushing us into the the porch in our underwear whilst it was snowing or watching us scream in pain.

She also attempted to financially gr**m us, may have gr**med or let us be gr**med in other ways too.

She (unknowingly, I think,) conditioned a good few of my alters though extreme psychological abuse to hate me.

[digitalterror-exe]

I can't hear them talking strings behind my back

Informational tunnels I cannot stop. Passing everything to her. My parts won't let me say what was happening not after last time.

They knows everything, always watching, through WiFi and data bills, through teachers, therapists, psychologists and more. I knew she going to kill me. It's only a matter of time and if not the part of she's conditioned will do the job for her.

She's formed a circle, a group to better abuse me. None of them know, and I can't tell them.

She had me to bad it took me minutes to realise I was the one screaming.

When I escaped saw myself running back I can't tell if it's real. I know parts of me want back and can't let them.

She orchestrated it all planned it like a web. Her enablers lined up.

I know I have some trauma there holding from me. I can feel it.

[digitalterror-exe]

I believe people choice harm.

People choose pain.

I don't need everyone over my shoulder all the time.

Your choice to hurt is not my problem.

[digitalterror-exe]

D I G I T A L terror symphony

Intro post

Digi - He/him. Non human. Disabled autist. Heavily traumatised, intersex entity.

Intro is WiP

CEPA and TBPC victim with Complex and externally coerced DID system of 300+.

Boundaries

Yes, we were abvsed in an organised way by a group of people, most of us don't think we are a ramcoa survivor so don't refer to us as one. Explaination here.

We are not / barely human and prefer non human terms.

Tags

#vent - vent post

#CEPA - Conditioned extreme psychological abvse

#TBPC - Tortvre / trauma based psychological conditioning

#ECDID (meaning)

#ourSCHG - posts about our circle / group

#AMPA - Arranged Multiple Party Abvse