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[dmpinapl]

It’s been a couple hundred years but Eggs is back babey :D

Thank you @ojaiyart for once again making Eggs realer than usual <3

[dmpinapl]

Eggs’ Adventures

Eggs Thus Far

Wizard Bar Fight

Eggs Goes to Sleep

Eggs Pets a Rock

Blood Science

Bread

Eggs & Steve

Eggs’ Final Session (Chat Log)

[dmpinapl]

Eggs & Steve

>Be Eggs >Be traveling towards a mountain full of Fire Giants for quest or whatever >Whole party is asleep in carriage except for Bard friend Steve

>Find random door in the middle of a field >Open it obviously >Inside door is some snowy cabin universe (Narnia?) >Tie rope around waist and give end to Steve >Enter Narnia >Go inside cabin >Theres lots of shoes and a journal >Journal talks about some bad disease or something that’s killing everyone >Whatever, steal journal & nice pair of boots >Notice shack to the left >Enter shack >Some sort of ghost start to write in blood on the wall >Light shack on fire >Fire is snuffed and blood disapears >...blood writing starts again >Ask what’s up ghost >Ghost writes “leave” in blood >Ok cool. Leave Narnia

>Continue travelling with Steve >Headless horseman appears on path >Explains he can only be killed with this special sword via honorable combat >Steve challenges it to a duel >Hide while Steve duels >Steve turns invisible and slowly but surely wins >Horseman dies >Nice. Continue onwards

>Find magic wooden box >Pick up box >Box says to open him >Okay, open box >(a d4 is rolled) Nothing happens >Box wants to be opened again >Okay, open box a bunch >Weird stuff happens. Steve & Eggs swap items and clothes a bit, Steve’s clothes vanish completely, fun stuff >Open box once more >Soul is swapped with box >Watch as Eggs walks away from inside wooden box >Fuck >Steve, who is smart and the best party member, stops fake Eggs and demands he open the box >He won’t >Make deal: If fake Eggs swaps souls again, promise to find some idiot to open the box >Get body back >Continue, now with cool box

>Find some guy trapped in ice >Free him >It’s medieval Shakespear! >Offer Shakespear the box >He refuses >Dammit

>That’s it

[dmpinapl]

Final Session Chat Log

(These are the chat logs between and my good friend OJ while I played my last session with my D&D group. It was wild...)

I have to dnd in 5 minutes im going to message you updates the entire time to keep me sane

i look forward to your updates

update, we found 50 ft. tall doors made of magic metal failed to get through found stairs instead

Did u knock?

shit no

but they're doors to the evil fire giant base so maybe knocking is bad idea

Well maybe they're polite Even evil people open doors if u knock

that's true but we've already been climbing stairs for 30 minutes in game we found a goat guarding a pile of gold and treasure

Is the goat ok?

it has red wings oh shit there's 2 oh shit they're chimeras

:O Don't kill, befriend

ill try

Good

it has goat head, lion head, and dragon head dwarf is gonna try to tame it

That is the standard chimera look I'm p sure Good pet

killed one, tamed the other one "tamed" means tied it up in chains after grappling it for 5 minutes

Twas it NAMED tho?

yes Tribeast Dwarf is VERY creative

Aw that's not fun

agreed I offered Terthreesa i was rejected

Shoulda named it like Tribert

rejected again oof and now we're dragging it along with the chain

D:< no fun

I got mad loot

What chu get

obsideon dagger, 6 gems, music box, and gold helmet with gems inlaid very valuable, will sell for much money

Cool more funds to fuel eggs chaos (Note: I’m Eggs)

tru We made it to the top. 

Of the stairs?

Ye

I gave dwarf the box

(Note: Recently collected a possessed box that has a chance to swap souls with you when you open it)

Did he open 👀

he opened it 0,0 his soul swapped no one knows 0,0 i ran 100 ft. away when he picked it up hiding atm

Haaaaa Let me know how that goes

I told them that box can swap souls, and to ask anyone who opens it questions only they would know the answer to fake dwarf failed question, they are now all suspicious

We found Yakfolk half Yak people they cool nevermind they have halfling slaves...

Eat the yaks

erm

BBQ

ummm naaaah Wizard is controlling fake dwarf with a spell, making him open box until we get the soul swapping roll but he swapped inventory with chimera so he got all chained up and chimera is attacking us now

ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*) haha wonderful

bow and arrow man that Eggs hates, shot the chimera dead >:(

What a bitch

Wizard tried to throw box off a cliff when we got dwarf back im trying to catch it wizard blasted box with fireball, it's charred but fine ARCHER GUY BANISHED WIZARD

WHAT HOW?

HE HAS SPECIAL BANISHING ARROW WIZARD IS GONE FOR AT LEAST 1 TURN HOLY SHIT WHY

D:

I mean Eggs is happy cause he wants the box but I and everyone else are like wtf? Archer Man? Why?

Well at least eggs is happy

tru Got box back Wizard is back asked Archer Man wtf Archer Man and Wizard are arguing in and out of character at the same time xD

What fun

Okay, dwarf asked for the box so I gave it to him because he can kill me very easily so Eggs fears him He glued the box shut with magic indestructible glue and threw it off the cliff

Understandable

the yakfolk are beating their slaves we are intervening

Good

I blighted and burned a yakfolk he hella dead he killed a halfling tho tried rolling medicine got a 1 ...

.......you cooked him I predicted BBQ

you did it but i blighted him first so he's already like, rotting

Ya still cooked him Its me oj psychic detective

I never should've doubted you

Ya u should really listen to me

Oh there are like 8 more of them coming from across the bridge wizard is gonna blast the bridge

Yaks?

ye I destroyed bridge wizard cast a spell that made almost all the yakfolk sick

What typa sick?

damage sick also im in a bloodrage now i wanna stab (Note: Eggs has a cursed dagger that causes him to enter a bloodrage when he takes damage)

Who ya gonna stab

yakfolk

Not Archer Man?

not close enough

Dang

agreed rockman slammed me to death now i must make death saves might die but i got a good stab in

You stabbed a.....rockman?

i stabbed a yakman, then the rockman came behind and slammed it’s always rocks

You got stoned to death

again

Like the witch u are

dwarf friend picked up my body he's so nice still dying but safe now

Good small friend

i have been revived I turned into a trex so i can fuck shit up nevermind we won

hey uh oh Eggs was fighting in the big final battle king is there with me as i shoot magic at the giants then then... i took damage and my magic dagger took over and now i have to stab the king

and i failed twice lucky but then ... i knocked him unconcious and stabbed him half his health is gone ... im gonna kill the fucking king ... :D

O dang eggs is gonna win

what can i say i wanna stab

U sure do

Congrats We beat the big bad evil guy

:0 wow so convenient

Eggs had his dagger taken away but that’s fair to be honest

Probably best for the world if he doesn't have it

 And for the past few sessions I have been made to roll a lot of constitution saving throws, so I asked why Apparently I caught a plague I was gonna be patient 0 p much

O wow How?

Yeah Um

Was it all the weird shit u do

No actually Um

Go on....

Remember that weird door I went into? With the blood writing shack?

Mhmm

Apparently That was another universe

..... well then

Where everyone died to the Plague So

So does eggs still have the plague?

Yes Presumably I will be the cause of so much death

Is he gonna ruin the world even tho the campaign is done?? How suiting

Guess so! : D All’s well that ends well for eggs

Is it tho He's gonna die of the plague

Yes I’m sure I’ll be fine Just a little plague Never hurt no one

That's sad you'd think eggs would get killed by one of the other numerous dumb things you do but no just a disease

No I’ll probably get killed by a rock monster before I succumb to the plague

Squished whilst a spider

Yes

[dmpinapl]

Bread

>Be Eggs

>Exploring a haunted mansion with friends on Halloween >Find a beetle trapped in a glass bottle >Turn out to be a giant fire beetle magically trapped >Steal it and leave for the night >Feed beetle everyday >Become good friends hopefully >Research ways to make him friendly >Meet a Druid >Druid can grant dumb animals sentience >Beg for sentient beetle >She does the spell and the Beetle is released >He speaks Elvish now >Give him the name “Bread” >Give him a top hat and ask if we can be friends >Beetle agrees to be friends >Mission Accomplished >Be at a festival >Enter a dance competition >No partner >Call up Bread >Bread agrees to dance even though he has -4 performance >Against all odds, place 3rd in dance competition >No monetary reward though >Still love bread

[dmpinapl]

Eggs thus Far

>Be Eggs >Be born to a normal drow-elf family in some cave >Family is killed by bears >Be adopted by bears and named Eggs >Have no way of actually talking to bears, but be fed eggs and assume >Have very long lifespan, be raised by several generations of bears

>Bear family is killed by random forest elf hunters >Taken in by asshole elves >Forced to live in elf village where you are treated like shit by racist elves >Live on the streets like a #criminal >Learn to steal food and be sneaky to survive >Spend free time calling to long lost (dead) bear family >Sometimes accidentally summon a real bear >Summon a giant Dire Bear lol >Dire Bear destroys the entire village oh shit >gtfo

>Register with a random guild in a random town and join adventuring party >Be a pretty okay rogue for a while >Shenanigans >Learn to use trickster magic >Have a chill convo with an elder god or something >Fail to break down a door after 2 hours >Invent sunglasses >Get arrested for necromancy and arson >Summon bear >Bear kills half a town and half of your party oh no >gtfo

>Seclude self in cave for a while >Get visited by long lost brother Meat sometimes >Learn to use better magic >Become Wild Magic Sorcerer >Leave cave in search of adventure and riches

>Get captured by Giants >Adventurers help you escape and kill Giants >Join party >Get in a bar fight with a Wizard and win >Steal a mini giant fire beetle named Bread and become best friends >Turn into giant animals and kick ass >Almost die to rock monsters several times >Buy a cool spider crown >Go into a cursed dagger blood rage and stab friends >Play with a cursed box >Almost kill the king >Peace out and live in cave home for a while >Be a detective for a few days

>Be afflicted with unknown curse that keeps summoning bears >Decide, after 150 years, it’s time to leave the cave again >Find new adventure

To be continued…

[dmpinapl]

Eggs Does Blood Science

>Be Eggs >Buy a cursed mask from dwarf friend >Mask produces endless blood when worn >Buy a cauldron and some hemlock >Combine lots of blood with ground up hemlock >Bottle it >Profit?

>Bring a bottle to good archer friend who you stabbed once >Offer it to him in exchange for 1 gold >He happily drinks it >Crit fails the con save >Passes out for 10 hours >Drag him back home >Steal empty bottle and 1 gold back from him >Pour water in his shoes just because >Offer another bottle to dwarf friend >He’s fine >Insults the quality of my alcohol >Go back to room >Add secret ingredient, Unstable Wyvern Poison to cauldron >Contents bubble and sizzle >Bottle it

>Profit?

[dmpinapl]

Eggs Pets a Rock

>Be Eggs >In a cave with party >Everyone fights some rock monsters >Only 2 remain, they are scared and stop combat >Eggs goes to pet a rock monster >Rock monster bites Eggs, ow >Both rock monsters attack eggs, 2 attacks each >3 attacks crit >Eggs is suddenly almost dead >Run away >Party isn’t helping you >Rocks give chase >Lucky dodges, still almost dead >Party stands by and watches >Panic cast sleep at the highest level possible >Rocks go to sleep >Party member tries to wake the rocks >Eggs throws the rocks down a hole before this happens

>Receive healing later after threatening revenge against party

[dmpinapl]

Eggs goes to Sleep

>Be Eggs >Adventuring with cool new party >Found some fire giants, gonna fuck them up >Use Catapult spell to throw a boulder at a giant >Giant catches boulder >Wild magic surge, shock self and wizard friend >Cast Absorb Elements to take half damage >Wild magic surge again, Butterflies appear >Cursed dagger in your possession forces you into a blood rage >Stab archer friend >Stab him real good >Dwarf friend comes over, hits you in the head with a hammer. Twice >Grapples you >Forces unknown potion down your throat >Fall asleep for the first time in your life >Dream of Satan burning you alive for 1 minute while party fights giants without you >Wake up with newfound immunity to fear

>Vow to never sleep again

[dmpinapl]

Eggs' Wizard Bar Fight

>Be Eggs >Be 7 drinks in at a local bar, wearing nothing but a wizard hat >Abruptly call for a bear as loudly as possible >Adventuring party is summoned instead >Party attempts to calm you down >You are not calm. You want a bear, not these losers

>Party tries to converse with you >You respond “Bear” to every query >Wizard offers you some water >Wizard uses a Decanter of Endless Water to shoot 5 gallons of water into your face. >Roll a nat20 on the save, don’t even flinch >”Bear” >Cast Polymorph and turn them into a bear >Wizard tries to Counterspell >Bard Counterspells the Counterspell and becomes your favorite party member

>Wizard is now a black bear >Pet >Get bit, owchies >Another nat20 on the con save, Wizard remains a bear >“Bad bear” >Cast sleep on the bear at the highest level possible >Bear goes to sleep >Pass out on the bear