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dreamingonclds · 2 months

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Unintentional | FA14

Summary: Y/n and Fernando Alonso were both professionals, both only seemingly having time for their careers. They both have had their fair share of relationships but they’ve never become serious for either of them. Y/n is an A-list celebrity, a highly respected actress and Fernando a champion athlete, a Formula One driver. Nobody could’ve ever imagined both of their paths to cross but, they do. It was said that their relationship was destined to fail, their 16 year age gap being too large to be sustained. But, to everyone's surprise, a blessing they created without intention was just enough to fill that gap, like fate.

Pairing: Fernando Alonso x Reader

Word Count: 2,722

Warnings: None

Chapter 1

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As you meticulously applied your lipstick, your mind couldn’t help but wander to the thought of who you would meet tonight. Your stomach bubbled with nerves, a sensation you always got with meeting new people; despite how long you had been in the industry for. You met new people almost weekly, nothing new in the entertainment industry. You were used to meeting wealthy business people and pretending to care about anything that came out of their mouths. But you were genuine about meeting new directors, writers, and filmmakers; you genuinely cared about what they had to say.

Tonight was no different, you had been invited to a dinner by some friends. It just so happened that those friends were in the industry too and it just so happened that the dinner would be in Beverly Hills. So, you knew that tonight would be a night of pretending to care because the people who actually cared for the artistry of entertainment would never choose to dine in Beverly Hills. And you were a professional, so you sucked it up, put a smile on your face, and decided to have a good night.

So, you decided that to have a good night you had to have a good outfit. You were a public figure, a very popular one at that, so you did have to dress to impress. And you didn’t mind, you loved fashion and you loved to shop so it all worked out. You also cared about your appearance and wanted people to like you, but not for how you looked. You wanted people to like you for the person you were and what you brought to the table. And unfortunately, that goes hand in hand with physicality in this world. So you slip on a back silk dress because those always do the job.

Arriving at the restaurant, you thank your chauffeur as he helps you out of the car and guides you to the entrance. Stepping into the restaurant you’re immediately greeted by your friends and introduced to all the unfamiliar faces. Soon enough you're all making your way through the restaurant, several diners turning their heads to you all, some trying to sneakily snap pictures which you notice every time. Once you're seated at the ridiculously large table, you notice the empty seat beside you and around the table.

“People missing?” you ask your friend sitting right across from you.

“Yeah, they’re running a little late but they should be here very soon.” she answers, giving you a small smile.

After a little conversation, you all turn your heads to the chatter that is seemingly making its way towards you all. Sure enough, it’s the missing half of your party and as you scan your eyes through all of them, one catches your eye.

“Here they are!” your friend announces, standing up to greet them and everyone follows.

In the midst of the commotion, bodies moving left to right you hear your friend declare seating arrangements.

“Fernando, why don’t you sit next to Y/N, she speaks Spanish too.” she says pointing you out so he knows who you are.

You see a man nod and begin to approach, you notice the brunette with semi-shaggy hair and a short beard. Sure enough, it’s the one who caught your eye earlier on. He greets you with a kiss on both cheeks that you reciprocate and helps you into your seat.

“What a gentleman, thanks. Fernando, right?” you look towards him, wanting to start a conversation like the rest of the table is doing

“Of course, Y/n?” he nods in response and you do the same, noticing his accent. As you make eye contact, you begin to note the faint lines around his eyes and the maturity of his face. Your mind begins to wonder, whether he’ll take you seriously noticing the lack of physical maturity on your 26-year-old face. Usually, men over 5 years older than you never took you seriously, their conversations always started professional but quickly turned to comments about your body and sexual experience.

Before either of you could get another word in, the waiter begins to ask for your drinks of choice. Usually, you would go for a beverage that would liven you up but, you had a rule that you only drank at dinner when everybody at the table were your friends. So, you asked for the next best thing.

“I’ll take a coke please.” you tell the waiter, who quickly jots it down and looks to Fernando next

“Uh, I’ll take the same please” Fernando turns to look at you with a confused look

“Oh, I don’t know everybody at this table so, I’d like to get to know you with a sober mind.” you tell him matter of factly, hoping that was the explanation he was looking for. Although it was the truth, you did want to get to know the rest of the table; but specifically him. In what seemed like record time, the waiter comes back setting down all of your drinks.

“Igualmente” Likewise he nods towards the brown beverage in front of him.

“I thought maybe you were still too young to drink, you look young, why do you want to get to know me?” he asks, bringing his glass to his lips.

“I’m 26, not that young. And you're sitting right beside me, we have a long night ahead. Why not get to know you; your friends.” you add the last part in, trying to deflect and hide your interest in him; hoping he doesn’t catch on.

“Why’d you copy me, I mean no offense but, you don’t look like you just turned 21?” he brought up your age first, two can play at that game.

He chuckles, still looking at you.

“I’m 42, not that young either.” he says in truth. And before you can respond he speaks again.

“Pretty girl, pretty dress.” he brings his glass to his lips, looking away nonchalantly.

“And you’re sitting right beside me.” he states matter of factly, using your own words against you.

Your jaw drops the slightest and your eyebrows scrunch in surprise. His confidence, so abrupt it takes you a few seconds to bring your face back to its natural resting place. Despite your efforts to look cool and unaffected, you can see the pride your reaction gives him. With a teaseful look in his eye, he offers you a smirky smile that makes your stomach erupt in butterflies. Your cheeks and ears go hot, and you now find it hard to sit still or contain the smile pulling at your lips.

The rest of the night goes exactly as expected, the two of you deep in conversation and completely ignoring the rest of the table. There’s a tension that's rising that even the others can feel. Neither of you even realize how many times they’ve teased you two or tried to get you to join their conversation. You’ve also failed to notice the pointed phones from other diners and sneaky restaurant workers.

As you all are ending your dinner, restaurant patrons and workers start making their way to your table. Asking for pictures and autographs from you and your party alike, both separately and together. Little did you know that those images would lead to a whirlwind of speculation, the world seemed to spiral at the thought of you together.

Your group converses outside the restaurant for a few minutes, a back and forth of what the plans for the rest of the night were. You stood there to yourself contemplating whether you wanted to continue your night. You had a fitting in the morning and a couple of online meetings you had to prepare for. Considering it was nearing 1 am, you decided to head home with a professional attitude to your day ahead.

Before you can interrupt the group to bid your goodbye, Fernando makes his way to your side.

“Are you going out for more drinks too?” he turns to you.

“I have meetings in the morning, I think I’m just gonna head home.” you nod your head.

“Me too actually, I drove here by myself. Let me take you home.” he points at himself.

“Yeah, that’d be nice actually; thank you.”

You both take a few steps forward towards the group, ready to bid your farewells together. But before either of you can mutter a word, your friend's chatter amplifies into a passionate discussion about who knows what. Fernando turns to look at you, an amused smile on his lips that turns into a chuckle after noticing your surprised expression.

“Mejor nos esperamos.” We better wait, he jokes, and you giggle looking towards him, only to realize his eyes were already set on you.

“Buena idea” Good idea, you say with a smile, continuing the playful vibe of the setting. You two carry on with your light-hearted conversation. Unconsciously backing away from the group until your back hits the restaurant's ornate rail. Fernando holding on to the rail on your right side, halfway caging you in, seemingly protecting you from passersby giving you questioning glances; realizing who you were.

Your conversation continues and you two get lost in getting to know each other. You learn that he’s a champion F1 driver and he learns the movies he’s seen you in, not knowing it was you. Before he can finish saying where his next race will be, you're drawn out of your heart to heart by shouts from your group.

“Hey lovebirds, you guys coming?” your friend shouts pointing down the street, implying a prolonged night out.

A sheepish smile forms on your lips and you shake your head, “We both have busy mornings tomorrow. We’re gonna skip this one!”

“Alright then, don’t have too much fun!” someone teases, causing the rest of the group to laugh.

Fernando smiles and shakes his head at the joke, “I’m just going to take her home!”

You all exchange thank you’s and appreciation for dinner before saying your goodbyes. Then begin to make your way down your respective sides of the street. He leads you to his car, not in front of you but by walking closely behind you, guiding you with a light touch to your back. He helps you in, chivalrously, taking your bag from you, opening the door, and taking your hand to help you in. You take notice of what car he drove, a luxurious sports car, that to you matched the reputation of an F1 champion. You questioned yourself on if you wanted him to live up to the reputation of a man like him.

Before he can drive off, he makes sure you’re both buckled in and asks for your address. You give it to him and then you're off to your luxurious hotel, which the movie you were in Beverly Hills for set you up with. You two continue your conversation the whole time, only stopping when Fernando gets out of the car first to open your door. He walks you to your room, as he insists on “dropping you off”. But really, you’re more than happy to oblige to his request as you didn’t want the night to end.

“No paps.” Fernando blurts randomly, as you both make your way through the lobby.

You scan the room and realize he was right, you only saw the employees and the occasional normal guest.

“Oh yeah” you acknowledge, normally every hotel in Beverly Hills was swamped with paparazzi no matter the time. So you worked it up to luck, you two got lucky tonight. Little did you know that this would foreshadow the rest of your relationship.

You make it to your room and unlock the door, stepping into the doorframe and turning to face Fernando. You two stand there for a few seconds, just staring at each other, Fernando's hands in his pants pockets and your hand on the door, an undeniable tension lingers between you two.

“Do you want to come in?” you suggest hesitantly, pointing inside, ready to face rejection.

“Uh yeah, can I?” he answers quickly, surprising you and catching you off guard.

“Come on in.” you say, widening the door and stepping back, letting him inside. He makes his way towards the living room area of your massive hotel room and you follow him. Before you can sit down on the couch beside him, you notice the complimentary bottle of champagne in the ice bucket, now sitting in water that was ice a few hours ago. You go to the table and pull out the bottle from the bucket, wrapping it in a towel to prevent it from dripping.

“Quieres?” Do you want some? You offer him, showing him the bottle.

“Por favor” Please He stands up and heads towards you, taking the bottle from your hands to open it himself. You hold up the two glasses, also on the table, for him to pour into. After pouring, he sets the bottle down and you hand him his glass.

“Gracias” Thank you You both say at the same time, which causes you both to giggle.

“Let's go to the balcony” you suggest and head outside, he follows you but, not before grabbing the bottle to take with.

You lean on the rail, one forearm resting on it while your other arm brings the glass to your lips. Fernando places the bottle on the small table conveniently outside and then he goes to stand in front of you. He halfway cages you in again, one arm holding the rail close to your side, and you notice this protective pattern of his. Both of you stand there, not saying anything with words but instead through the looks you’re giving each other.

“You are very beautiful.” he blurts out, scanning your face with a pensive expression on his face.

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion for a quick second before smiling and meeting his eyes.

“Thank you, you are very beautiful too.” you respond in honesty and nod your head when he looks at you confused. A shy smile breaks onto his face and he looks at the ground stepping away from you.

He looks back up, licking his lips ever so slightly and takes the glass from your hand. He goes to place yours and his glass on the table while you stand there confused. He comes back to his original spot in front of you but this time way closer than before. His hand comes up to cup the side of your face and your eyes look deep into his as his thumb caresses your cheek. You go to say something but are cut off by his lips pressed against yours. You quickly catch on and move your lips with his. His hand comes off of your face and moves to your waist, you step away from the rail to try and get closer to him. He wraps both of his arms low around your waist and his fingers dance right above your bum. You instinctively bring your arms up to wrap around his neck and your fingers go to dance in his hair at the nape of his neck.

He smoothly turns you both around so now he is against the railing. Your makeout continues for a short minute until you realize something and your eyes open.

“I don’t kiss on the first date.” you say exasperated, pulling away and trying to catch your breath. He leans back trying to get a look at you, breathing heavily, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“But I’ll make an exception tonight.” you say quickly, he smiles before you lean in and desperately attack his lips again. He grabs your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist and walks inside towards the bed. He gently lays you down and stands back up separating your lips, he swiftly removes his shirt before hungrily coming back down on top of you.

The rest of the night goes as expected and contrary to your usual experience with men, he stays the night. You both sleep comfortably in each other's arms, not even wondering how it all led to this moment. Although you were both trying to figure out why this all felt so natural, you both knew one thing, this was the start of something special.

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dreamingonclds · 6 months

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Everything Happens For A Reason | LN4

Summary: Sometimes the people that love us hurt us the most but, you can't seem to stay away. After an immense break up, you've become the most passionate in your career. Going from casting to casting, concert to concert, audition to audition, you become one of the most famous artists of your generation. You were done picking up the broken pieces of your heart when somebody comes into your life and you place your heart in someone else's hands again.

Word Count: 4562

Pairing: Lando Norris x female! reader ft. Carlos Sainz

Warnings: none

Chapter 7

Previous Chapter

Inspired by Kati Gregson-Macleod- Complex (demo)

Please listen before or while you read! This chapter solely based on Y/N's past relationship. Enjoy!!!<3

It’s almost been a whole year, almost a whole trip around the sun since you and your ex split.

You and Levi met in high school, you were fourteen and he was sixteen, you guys made it official only a year later. He was your best friend, your first boyfriend, the first man you had ever loved and you truly thought he would be the last. He was your very first everything, your first kiss, your first physical connection, anything you could think of.

Of course, you had your arguments, every couple did. But, they never lasted more than a couple of days, he had made you a promise in the beginning to never let you go to sleep angry and he kept it; he was very good at keeping promises, and never broke one except for the one, to never leave you.

He proposed to you when you were twenty and he was twenty-one, you guys were very young and you knew that. But, you had already been together for 5 years so, it didn’t feel odd to you or anybody around. Besides, you both didn’t plan to get married soon after that, it was just a testament of love; a promise.

The whole of your relationship seemed perfect and although you both had your faults here and there, to you two it was perfect. But, it was too good to be true and you should’ve known. After a year of your engagement, things started to change; he started to change. You were always his number one priority but soon, you became his second. He preferred to go out with his friends rather than staying in or going out with you. He no longer talked about any plans for the future. You knew him well, better than anyone knew him, and better than he knew himself; and vice versa.

Everybody has their downs and lows and you thought that was what it was. But, no matter what you did, he didn’t get any better. He’d shut you down and leave, and he’d hurt you but never physically. For the first time, you didn’t know his intentions, you felt like you didn’t know him.

Any invitation to go out was shared between you two, not that you were attached at the hip but, you two shared the same main group of friends from school. However, you both still had your own group of friends. Going out separately was never a problem, he knew your friends and you knew his, you always told each other where you were going and what you were doing. You guys trusted each other to go out alone, there was never any jealousy or possessiveness, only caring protectiveness.

But it all slowly started to change.

You're sitting on the couch in your shared apartment watching bad reality TV. when your fiance walks in from your bedroom. You scoot over a bit giving him space to come sit, he was showering and you thought he was simply getting ready for the night. But your face twists in confusion when you see him all dressed up.

“I’m going out, to the pub downtown, just a quick catch up,” he says walking towards you and typing something on his phone

“Oh, I had no idea, I thought we were staying in. Was this last minute?” you ask him even more confused

“Something like that, sorry” he walks towards you and grabs your hands, pulling you up to stand with him. He softly grabs your face and gives you a soft and gentle kiss, he then wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles his face in your neck.

Something's off and you can tell, he’s trying to find comfort in you and you don’t know why. You wrap your arms around his neck and play with his hair while he sways the two of you.

“You okay?” you ask him softly while you peck the sides of his uncovered face.

“Mhm” you feel him murmur against your neck, he kisses it before pulling away.

Now it’s your turn to grab his face, you gently place your hands on his jaw and soothingly move your thumbs against his stubble. He begins to gently rub his hands around your waist.

“Come home soon, yeah? Be safe.” you give him one last kiss before pulling away to let him leave.

“Always,” he says softly while removing his hands from your lower back.

You give him a small smile and put your hands on his torso, softly pushing him towards the door. You stand there studying him with your arms crossed as he puts his shoes on and collects his things.

“I love you” he offers you a genuine smile as he opens the door to leave.

“I love you more” You blow him a kiss and watch him leave. Once you see the door close, you go back to your spot on the couch. All you can do now is stare at the ceiling biting your nails trying to make sense of him.

You trust him, you always have and tonight was no different. You weren’t the happiest with his sudden outing but it’s not a common occurrence, surely it’s just a one-time thing, just tonight. Maybe one of his friends needs some advice, his family’s run into a problem; thoughts like these run through your head all night. You tried to sleep but you couldn’t, especially not knowing what he was up to. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust him but, there was a glint of something in his eyes and you couldn’t put your finger on it; it made you uneasy.

When it was nearing two a.m., your phone pinged from your coffee table. You were still in your living room waiting for the door to open.

Levi: Hey, I think I’m just gonna stay over at the boy’s place tonight.

Levi: You’re probably still awake and waiting.

Levi: I’m so sorry, I’ll make it up to you I promise!

Levi: I love you so much ❤️

You tried your best to think of a response but you just couldn’t. So, you just liked each message as you made your way towards your bedroom. That night was the first time in a while that you guys slept apart and it felt strange. You weren’t used to an empty bed, it’s been 5 years of living together and he’s never left you like this. There were times due to your career that you couldn’t be together but there was always a notice, a reason, an understanding.

The upcoming morning you were woken by his arms spooning you from behind and soft kisses to your head. It felt like every other day until you remembered the night before, you quickly but gently removed yourself from him. You turn to your alarm clock, 10:00 a.m., before turning back to face him. You take a good look at him, hair clean and done, glasses sitting stably on his nose bridge. He’d put himself together before he came back, letting you know he had a relaxed night which made you feel better.

“Good morning” he delicately moves away stray hair strands from your face. He begins to scan your face, gingerly caressing your cheeks with the back of his hand.

“Good morning” you respond, and lean in for a kiss when you notice him looking at your lips.

“I brought you your favorite” he points behind him, at a box of fresh and warm donuts from your favorite bakery sitting on his nightstand.

“I see that, thank you” You lean up and give him a tender peck on his jaw. He bends down and places a sweet kiss on your forehead, he then takes off his glasses and lays his head on your chest.

You guys lay like that for a few short minutes, just enjoying each other’s warmth. You have to admit, from the outside looking in it seems like he was guilty, with how touchy he was being. But, in reality, this was nothing new, physical touch was his love language so you didn’t question anything.

“What-” you begin to speak but stop yourself, thinking a bit more

“Last night, what happened?” you question him trying to sound the least suggestive. You continue to run your hands through his hair while waiting for his response.

“Nothing, I swear. Just uh, a last-minute catch-up with the guys. I had a drink so I didn’t want to drive back.” he swiftly gets up and hovers over you, caging you in under his arms.

“Baby, I’m not suggesting anything. You’ve just never left me in the dark like that so I’m a little confused is all,” you reassure him, looking into his eyes while he scans your face.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, I’ll try my best to never do that again,” he says in between kisses, he pecks your entire face earning him giggles from you. You begin to squirm as his stubble tickles your face and you playfully push him away. But your resistance only urges him more and he starts to pepper kisses down your neck.

A ringing phone alarm pulls you two out of your playful state and he pulls away from your neck to look at you. He gives you a genuine smile after seeing your reddened cheeks and leans down to give you a short but passionate kiss.

“I promise, I’ll never make you feel that way again. Now let’s go eat those donuts!” he gets off from on top of you and pulls you out of bed with him.

Looking back, you should’ve really savored that day and that moment with Levi. Unknowingly to both of you, it would be one of the last good days you guys would ever have. That promise, being broken by Levi countless times for the next few months. That promise, being the reason why you decided to leave him.

…

At that time you believed that sudden outing would be the last, you trusted his promise, you trusted Levi. But, something in him suddenly flipped and you no longer knew who he was. He would go out more, even on his work days. Sometimes he wouldn’t even let you know, after you came home from work you’d come back to an empty apartment and you knew.

You’d text him and he wouldn’t answer, countless nights you stayed awake until your eyes couldn’t stay open anymore, waiting for him to return. Occasionally you’d both be at home and you’d suddenly hear the front door close and he’d be gone again. Or when you both were invited somewhere, he’d leave without you and you had no choice but to stay behind. Your pride being too hurt to show up afterward and have to explain yourself to your friends.

You didn’t expect his touch to become less frequent, considering how he felt about physical affection. In most ways, the intimacy was gone and that left you feeling ugly, like something was wrong with you. He also began to speak to you differently, there seemed to be nothing in his words; emptiness. He spoke to you like he didn’t know you, like he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t even look you in the eyes.

The times you tried to speak with him, he’d only reply with “I don’t know” and a pat on the back to end the conversation; pathetic. Despite his treatment, you were nothing of understanding towards him. Your mind ran wild trying to find an explanation for all this and you knew you hadn’t done anything specific for this to happen. You thought something had occurred in his family so you even reached out to see if everything was okay. To your surprise, they said everything was okay, and that was when you felt like you were starting to go crazy.

He also began to cry, not in front of you but, you knew; you could tell. The few times you encountered him, his eyes were bloodshot and there was always a frown plaguing his face. Every time you would open your mouth to talk about it he would brush you off, shaking his head and you knew not to bring it up. All you could do was nod your head and give him his space. So, that’s what you did and maybe, just maybe, that’s where you went wrong. You thought he would eventually come around so you gave him time, but he never did.

One night when you were lying in bed alone, you got a text from your group of girlfriends. They wanted to have a fun night out, just some bar hopping to end the month off. You hadn’t hung out, all together at least, in a while so you decided why not. You wanted to get your mind off of things so you felt it was the perfect opportunity to do so.

That night, as you and your friends walked down the lively street, looking for a place to dine, you guys ended up finding the other half of your friend group. With them, your fiance of course, the thought of you running into him didn’t even cross your mind and now you were wishing you had just stayed home. None of your close friends knew what was happening and you assumed Levi hadn’t told anyone either, seeing nobody had even brought it up or questioned you.

Levi and you were very much a public couple but at the same time, extremely private. Your family and close friends adored him, even your fans did. There were thousands of edits, fan pages, pictures, etc. of you two online. Levi wasn’t super present on social media so your fans really indulged in the times he was seen in the background of your YouTube videos. Or when he was seen at your concerts, or accompanying you at a red carpet event, or on the set of whatever you were working on.

Your fiance lived mostly a regular life, working a normal job but traveling with you any chance he got. You two got together before your career even “started” so, you were appreciative of him adding some normalcy to your life and he never acted in a way that made you question his intentions.

“Oh my god, look! What a coincidence, let's go say hi.” says one of your friends, already heading over to your other group of friends across the street. Levi and you immediately locked eyes once you stepped inside. You noticed him suck in a deep breath and you felt some anxiety begin to creep in. You and your friends begin to make your way around your other friends, greeting each other. Unexpectedly, Levi made his way to you first, slinging one arm around your shoulders and planting a kiss on your head. You were left frozen in confusion, not knowing if it was a cover-up or genuine; deep down you hoped it was the latter.

The rest of the night, you tried to find conversation in all of your other friends. Doing your best to act like everything was okay, you were an actress of course; you really put your skills to the test that night. You seemed to be doing a good job, Levi on the other hand was really struggling. Chugging down drink after drink and you excusing his behavior as a really tough work week. Thanks to the privateness of your relationship, nobody questioned a thing.

As the night went on, your friends grew livelier and you tried to keep up but, your attention all went to Levi who only grew drunker. He got to the point where he was stumbling over every other step and his speech became incoherent. At that point, you decided to call it a night and head home, your friends agreeing and wishing Levi better.

You were grateful there were no paparazzi or fans around to witness the current state of your fiance. Your arms wrapped around him, struggling to carry him home while your friends carry on and have a good night. You should be angry at him but you can’t help but feel some sort of pity.

You’re extra careful as you help him into the passenger seat of your car, buckling him in and wiping the hair from his face. As you drive home you turn to check on him every once in a while but neither of you mutter a single word.

Your struggle continues as you make your way up to your shared apartment. All you can think about is how badly you need him, how badly you want him to take care of you. This is the first time in a while that he’s let you touch him, let you take care of him. You think back to all the wasted nights, when he made you feel like you were just alright.

You lead him inside and let go of him for a brief moment as you throw all your belongings on the floor.

“Let's go get you changed,” you tell him softly and lead him to your bedroom. You help him onto the edge of the bed and start to get him undressed. As you take his shirt off he scans the room, trying to focus on anything but you.

“Up, please,” you tell him, reaching for his hands to help him up but he swiftly rejects you, standing up by himself and leaving your hands hanging. You suck in a sharp breath, turning your head as you try to swallow the newly formed lump in your throat.

Now you're the one trying to avoid him. You feel his gaze on you as your hands reach the top of his jeans to unbuckle his belt. You look up out of instinct but he quickly looks away once your eyes meet. All you could do was nod, trying to accept how the night was going to go.

Once he’s left in his boxers you decide to change and ready yourself for bed as well. As you go through your drawers you notice you haven't done laundry in a while. Leaving you to dress in one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers. Although you’ve done it hundreds of times before, tonight it felt so foreign. You notice him begin to sober up as he starts to rub his face, holding his stomach and groaning in discomfort. You help him to the bathroom and rub his back as he begins to throw up.

As you watch him, the thoughts and feelings you were avoiding ambush you all at once. Why has this become the regular, the new pattern? Are you letting yourself down? Why isn’t he listening to you? Why is it that you can’t paint him the victim? What did you do, what happened?

You can’t help it and you begin to cry, a sob that doesn’t allow you to breathe. So you quickly bring a hand up to cover your mouth, not wanting him to know. Soon, he stands up and flushes the toilet and not once turns around to check on you. He goes to the sink to brush his teeth and you go to sit on the toilet. You watch him carefully, hoping he’ll come over to you and offer you an apology and at this point, you don’t even care if it’s genuine.

Truthfully, you don’t even know what you want him to do but what he does do, you can’t forgive. He turns off the light and steps into the bedroom, he then turns off the big light and heads to bed. You're left shocked and confused, sobbing even harder, not knowing who he is anymore.

You no longer feel human, you feel numb and everything all at once. You’ve always been a good friend, a good partner, a good girlfriend, a good partner, a good wife. So, what's his excuse for all of this?

That night, you decide to spend the night at a hotel, you could no longer bear to be around him. To no surprise, when you woke up the following morning, there was no message from him, just utter abandonment. On your way back home, you decided that enough was enough so, as you drove you tried to work up enough courage to face him.

Stepping into your apartment, you find him sitting on the couch working on his laptop. You can’t bring yourself to say anything yet and neither can he. You go to the kitchen for a glass of water and look at him from across the island. You try to collect your thoughts and take a deep breath before opening your mouth.

“What did I do, Levi? What happened?” you ask him sternly

“I don’t want to do this right now?” he answers you but, doesn’t even lookup

“And you think I do! I’m tired Levi, exhausted! I can’t do it anymore!” you semi-yell and begin to cry. Your breath and heartbeat quickens and then you notice him look up, eyebrows scrunched in worry.

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” he stands up and walks toward you as you begin to cry even more violently. He gently grabs your shoulders to try and stabilize you.

“No, Levi! I’m not okay, tell me what to do. How can I fix this? What did I do?” you look up to him, sincerity written all over your face, letting him finally see through you.

He stares into your eyes and stands still, and you know he doesn’t know what to say. But ultimately, he ends up muttering one word, “Nothing”.

You don’t know what to do with that answer and your mind heads to the only explanation you have left.

“Are you cheating on me?” you question him, putting your hands on his chest, pushing him away becoming angry.

“No! What, I’d never do that. I promise you!” he looks at you shocked, defending himself from your accusation.

Throughout your seven years together, you’ve learned to tell when he was lying so you knew this time, he wasn’t being deceitful.

“So then what’s your excuse? Why are you being like this?” you ask him, trying to get something out of him, anything.

He looks down and you see him suck in a sharp breath, you just stare at him. After a few seconds, he looks up and you notice his eyes start to become teary. You don’t know why but your heart begins to pound faster and faster against your chest. So, you hold it, preparing yourself for what he has to say.

“I love you Y/N, I really do, more than anything in this world. But, I’ve been thinking and everything just sort of hit me. It’s all moving so fast and we’re so young.”

You don’t say anything, you just continue to look at him confused waiting for what else he has to say.

“It was a mistake, I’m sorry” he finally looks at you, more tears gently stroking his face

“Mistake? What was, us?” you question him frantically, you don’t know where this is coming from

“No, not us, not you. The proposal, our engagement; I'm not ready,” he tells you with a regretful look in his eyes

“What, Levi, are you kidding?” you ask shocked. He doesn’t say anything in response, he just shakes his head no.

“You think I’m ready!” you tell him pointing at yourself

“Levi, we agreed that we wouldn’t get married anytime soon. I don’t get where this is coming from,” you tell him, trying to find answers

“I know, I know. I just can’t anymore, I’m so sorry” he says quietly, as his voice begins to tremble.

“Seven years Levi, almost a whole decade and you want to throw everything away?” you say as your voice breaks and you begin to cry. You try to look into his eyes but he continues to look away.

“You haven’t even given me a chance, give us another chance Levi” You go up to him, looking up at his face and grabbing his hands. He finally gives in, hands going up to your face and wiping away your tears. He caresses your face for a few minutes, whispering how much he loves you as he kisses your head.

“I love you Y/N, but I can’t,” he says looking into your eyes and giving you a gentle kiss on the lips that you don’t reciprocate. You begin to get angry and so you push him away from you, baffled at the whole situation

“Are you serious, Levi, you're the one who proposed to me. You're the one who made that promise!” you yell at him truthfully. He starts walking towards you, pulling you in but never meeting your eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I never meant to; I still love you” he whispers into your ear, you can feel him shaking and his tears on your face. But, now it’s you who can’t do it anymore, you get out of his grasp.

“You're the one walking out of this Levi, and so am I. I’ve tried to fix this for you, but it looks like you don’t want to fix it,” you tell him honestly, collecting your things to go as you can’t stand to be around him anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you as you go to open the door. When you turn around to look at him, you notice him staring at the floor; defeated.

“You can’t even look at me Levi, you're shameless,” you say honestly and step out the door.

That was the last time you saw Levi, you moved out of the apartment leaving it to him. He tried to contact you multiple times, through calls, texts, emails, friends, and family. But you ignored him, not wanting to hear any more excuses, he made his decision and there was no taking it back.

After your split, you focused on your work completely, in hopes of distracting the media from asking questions. You starred in award-winning movies, shows, and released new music, an album that went completely viral and won you multiple Grammys. You yourself went viral, becoming a trending topic on social media due to your acting and your music.

You never actually announced your split from Levi, you and him decided early on in your relationship that you would keep it private, but never a secret. And this was not any different. After the release of your album, it seemed like all your fans and every person online became obsessed with figuring out the meaning of each song. Quickly, they figured it out as the answer was in plain sight, you unfollowed him, archived all your pictures together, your lyrics, and your breaking down mid-song during concerts.

Surprisingly, you received a lot of hate as well, from people who put the blame on you. They accused you of unspeakable things and you let them, never defending yourself. But, you defended him, only addressing the situation once, asking the media and everybody else for privacy and respect for both of you. That was the first and last time you spoke about it publicly, you hoped people would forget about it as time passed and you were correct; people did forget. So ultimately, that was it, the end of everything with Levi.

Taglist:

@leptitlu

@norassimpingzone

@tpwkstiles

@hiraethrhapsody

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