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Tim just chased the criminal all the way to Blüdhaven

since he's already here...

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Kid!Tim, called to the principles office. Waiting for an adult to come get him.

Dick, storming in: WHAT HAPPENED.

Principal: as you can see Timothy has engaged in-

Dick: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Now Timtam what’s wrong? Are you alright? Do you need a hug? It’s alright.

Tim, pulled the fire alarm because he wanted the last chocolate muffin in the cafeteria but they aren’t allowed seconds: I- I just though I saw a fire. I was trying *hiccup* I was trying to do the right thing. I’m so sorry.

Principal: Mr. Grayson. We have security footage that Timothy pulled the alarm completely purposefully-

Dick: Can’t you see he’s never done anything wrong in his life?

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Kid!Tim, called to the principles office. Waiting for an adult to come get him.

Dick, storming in: WHAT HAPPENED.

Principal: as you can see Timothy has engaged in-

Dick: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Now Timtam what’s wrong? Are you alright? Do you need a hug? It’s alright.

Tim, pulled the fire alarm because he wanted the last chocolate muffin in the cafeteria but they aren’t allowed seconds: I- I just though I saw a fire. I was trying *hiccup* I was trying to do the right thing. I’m so sorry.

Principal: Mr. Grayson. We have security footage that Timothy pulled the alarm completely purposefully-

Dick: Can’t you see he’s never done anything wrong in his life?

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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I have seen a lot of fics about the Justice League finding out Bruce has kids and being shocked about it, but what about the other way around? Like imagine Dick ghosting Bruce and ignoring everything related to Batman for six months after an argument and the day he finally decides to visit to make amends he finds fuckin Superman chilling on his kitchen, or like Jason coming back from the dead, ready to fuck shit up, just to get whiplash after finding out that his loser dad has friends and one of them is Wonder Woman

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Okay. New thought. Hear me out.

Jason with motorcycle.

Jason, motorcycle AND 'white girl' music.

A little like this:

Goon 1: Hurry up guys! We don' want boss waitn' to long!

Goon 5: Uh.. hey lads? What's that music? I ain't never hear California gurls playin' down h're.

Goon 1: ...

The sound of a motorcycles engine becomes louder, as well as the very noticable and very known lyrics of California gurls as well as a distinct voice singing it.

Goon 2: SHIT SHIT DUCK DOWN

All of the goon scramble to duck down and hide.

Goon 5: What? What is it? The goon whispers

As the sound becomes louder and louder, the engine of the motorcycle pauses for a while but soon continues on. The goons all let out a heavy breath, that was a close one.

Goon 6: Oh thank the Lord. I thought he found us for a second..

Jason standing like right behind them whispers into one of the goons ears: California girls-

And that's why if you hear California gurls playing in Gotham, you should run because it's the Red hood.

Now. You must be wondering, if Jason is with the goons.. where is the motorcycle? Well let's just say Tim had a fun time scaring the shit out of people.

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Sometimes Jason stops by after patrol.

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I KNOW CHRISTMAS IS OVER BUT HERE BRUCE AND JASON ANGST RAHHHHHH

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baihu can you tell me about your favorite batlnatern headcanons

Hmm well I don't know if I have any specific favorites, but I can list a few I've thought about that may have snuck into my drawings

Due to a series of events, Hal has a not-so-secret secret comfort mug on the Watchtower that he makes a point of using whenever he happens to be there. Yeah it's the Batman novelty mug

Hal attempts to princess-carry Batman as Green Lantern whenever the opportunity arises, for shits and giggles. Needless to say, Bruce hates it

Even after they're together as a couple they still argue and needle each other as much as they did before, only now with bonus weaponized flirting. The rest of the JL are used to it by now and are fairly certain bullying each other is their love language

When they're in private, they're surprisingly soft and tender, sneaking touches and taking care of each other in quiet, meaningful ways

Does Hal despise "well-intentioned" offers of charitable assistance and literally anything that might possibly be construed as a handout? Yes. Does Hal expect high roller Bruce Wayne to bust out all the bells and whistles and roll out the red carpet when taking him out for a night on the town? Also yes. Trying to figure out this fine line gives Bruce headaches on the regular

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On a battlefield, for one reason or the next Barry has lost his powers temporarily

Barry: Fuck, the fight is way over there *squints into the distance*

Bruce: Now you know how I feel, let’s get going

Barry: Can we hold hands?

Bruce: …

Bruce: Sure

Barry: *happily humming as they walk toward the battlefield, holding hands with Batman*

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superbat smooch

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yearning

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Bruce, fighting Ra’s al Guhl: I will never let you take my son! Damian is—

Ra’s: Fool! I’m not here for Damian.

Bruce: …

Bruce: …then why are you here?

Ra’s: To recruit my one true successor—Timothy Drake!

Bruce: the fuck

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Damian Wayne comes across a classic christmas carol known well among the children of gotham… pt [1/?]

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Nah bc why would Lois say that