dyke-diary

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(butch) dogs playing poker

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Stormé DeLarverie photographed by Avery Willard, circa late 1960s.

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Excerpt of “Butch Images” from chapter 6 of The Lesbian Erotic Dance: Butch, Femme, Androgyny, and Other Rhythms by JoAnn Loulan

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k.d. lang being gifted with flowers from a fan in the audience at Jones Beach Theater in 1996, photographed by Patti Ouderkirk

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Palestinian ButchFemme wedding, 2022, @/leilanations

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Le Monocle, lesbian nightclub in Paris, circa 1932

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Paris lesbian club, 1934

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1950s Butch-Femme wedding, seen in Before Stonewall (1984)

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"at least the world will end faggily"

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let's build a place we can go

I Know A Place (Extended Bridge) MUNA G*VE A F*CK LA - A Benefit For LA Fire Relief

[dyke-diary]

is it casual now?

3/31/25 11:29 PM

it's about to be a month since you ghosted me. at the end of our last date, you told me you weren't looking for a relationship since you had just gotten out of one. you told me that you were in a year long relationship, but i didn't know it had ended this soon. you brought up being casual and also "kissing as friends" and i felt sick to my stomach. kissing as friends? what kind of insane person says that? you also said we were moving fast, which i agree with, but it wasn't entirely my fault. sure, i did ask you out on a date pretty quick. but i was never the one who started escalating things. i only gave back that energy once you did to me. maybe you telling me that you wanted to be casual was a way to push me away. you probably realized that i liked you a lot and you didn't feel the same. you ghosted me after i sent you a text saying that it would be best to not see each other. i can't do casual especially since you just got out of a relationship. i told you that i didn't resent you and that i was open to maybe being friends since i thought you were cool. i thought my message was respectful, and i was expecting a conversation from it. i was met with silence. to this day, i wonder what the reason for that was. were you really trying to get rid of me or did you feel called out by what i said?

the more that i think about it, it wasn't love or even infatuation, it was lust. i can't lie and say i didn't feel the same way, but there is a part of me that romanticized everything and a part that was open to the possibility of falling in love with you. this past month, i've been thinking about you nonstop. i miss you and it hurts. i miss what once was and what it could've been. i see you in everything and every song i hear. cars that are the same color as yours catch my attention, and i secretly hope that its you. maybe you're right and i am doing too much. i think about how you said we were going too fast and that this was casual. then i think about everything you did and said and wonder how you ever thought it was casual.

was it casual to drop off a gift at my house at midnight (the night after our first date)? it was not only a gift, but one of your personal belongings. i did not need that. yet, i still have it and it goes everywhere with me. was it casual when you wanted to plan an elaborate date? was it casual to joke around that you wouldn't give my hoodie back when i offered it to you? was it casual when you were trying to get my attention while driving? was it casual when you held my hand the whole time i was driving? was it casual when you were mid shift texting me how much you missed me when i didn't text back because i was busy? was it casual when you asked for my number and almost every social media i have just so you can send me things that reminded you of me? was it casual when you'd tease me over text, making me fall harder for you? was it casual when we went to the movies and you cuddled me, held on to both of my hands, and smelled me the entire time? was it casual that day when you told me that i was distracting you because i smelled so good? was it casual when you had me hold your hand while you were driving me home? there are so many things that you did that i can't remember more. to whoever is reading this, would you have thought it was casual or am i too yearn pilled? the last few sentences is what happened on our last date. i felt really nervous that day and the energy felt off. my worries went away when you started to get closer to me. only for my worries to come back when you dropped me off at home and dropped the bomb that you wanted to be casual. what girl spends the last two hours embracing you and flirting only to tell you that she is not looking for anything serious? hearing that made me sick to my stomach. why do i feel like my feelings are being played with? it might not feel serious to you, but it is to me. its so interesting that you acted that way with me only to ghost me two days later. you removed me from most social media except my instagram. you never view my stories or like my posts. it feels like you're avoiding me on purpose. why keep me on there if you are going to act like that?

one month later, and im still reflecting on what happened with us. i don't feel good. sure, this situation is good for my character development, but i wish i never went through it. its awful missing someone that did you so wrong. its awful missing someone that doesn't want anything to do with you. i'm not usually like this. ever since i met you it feels like i've lost all of my self worth. im starting to forget what i even stand for because all im thinking of is you. i know you're not perfect, but in my eyes you were and i am missing that version of you.

a <3

[dyke-diary]

some of my fav butchxfemme art currently!!

credit to butcherfangs on x

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me smoothing out the tattoos of a butch/masc just like violet

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Source: Lesbian Health Matters! , by Mary O’Donnell, Val Leoffler, Kater Pollock and Ziesel Saunders

[dyke-diary]

lesbianism and loneliness

3/27/25 9:44 PM

i am lucky that 99% of my friends are queer. however, how is it that i feel like i am alone in my identity when i am near them?

for the past few months, i have felt that my friends don't feel comfortable when i talk about my attraction to women. i feel like my identity isn't taken seriously. for context, everyone in my closest friend group identifies as bisexual, and yet expressing attraction to women feels like something that is wrong. this is in no way me trying to be biphobic - its just something that i've noticed.

every single time i hang out with my friends, the conversations are typically centered around men. i cant lie and say that i don't partake or start these conversations sometimes. there are male celebrities and characters that i enjoy talking about. however, i am usually engaged when my friends talk about their boyfriends, potential partners, and hookups. these conversations are fun to me. i love learning more about my friends and their lives. who am i to deny them expressing themselves just because i am not attracted to men? but i've noticed that my friends typically don't care about what i say when it comes to my love life or my identity. it kind of seems unfair since i am typically engaged in their conversations. i know friendships aren't transactional, but shouldn't i receive the same amount of interest? it is moments like these when i notice how alone i am in my identity. sure, my friends are also women who are attracted to women, but it is not the same at all. we never talk about it.

for the past month or so, i had a romantic interest for the first time in a long time. i was excited to finally share my experiences with my friends but it has turned into something that i regret doing. at first i was met with excitement but now i am met with disrespect. why am i being laughed at for a bad dating experience? i'm still in a vulnerable state emotionally, and this makes it so much worse. earlier this week i met up with my friends for dinner and was told by one of my friends that i should try to date again. i shut her down quickly due to feeling awful about what had just happened to me. then she told me that my dating stories were "her entertainment" and it is "funny to see you crash out". in what world is it acceptable to tell that to a friend that is struggling? my heart is aching after feeling things i haven't felt in so long. the fact that it did not go the way i wanted it to devastates me. to hear that my suffering is funny and entertaining for my friends feels humiliating. the worst part is that my other friends didn't say anything about it. as the night went on, conversations about men continued, and i found myself spacing out. what i thought was going to be a fun night ended up with me feeling annoyed and somewhat heartbroken. i thought my friend was better than that.

i am starting to get to the point where i am tired. sometimes it feels like i put in all the effort to ask my friends about their lives but they never ask about mine. i practically have to force a conversation. when i was still seeing the last girl, whenever i updated my friends it seemed like they were annoyed by what was happening. nothing awful had happened yet - i was still in a good place. why do i feel like i am being punished for being myself? we are supposed to have something in common, so why do i feel like i'm being judged? its times like these where i am grateful for the two lesbian friends that i have. i tell them about this and they relate to me. is this a common experience or do we just suck at picking friends? either way, i feel this loneliness everywhere i go. lesbianism and loneliness go hand in hand.

[dyke-diary]

Frede's Women's Nightclub in Montmartre, Paris (December 1950) from Pix magazine

[dyke-diary]

𝚋𝚞𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

table of contents: books; anthologies, history, novels, erotica, photography. films; movies, documentaries, shorts. miscellaneous; dissertations, articles, etc. note: everything (minus a few) has a link to access the media! if i am able to find the missing links i will attach them along with adding new content. there are a couple things that are not specifically butchfemme, but i kept them because i feel that they fit. enjoy!

𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚎𝚜 + 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚜

୨୧ A Restricted Country by Joan Nestle

୨୧ Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity by Chloë Brushwood Rose, Anna Camilleri 

୨୧ Butch/Femme: Inside Lesbian Gender by Sally R. Munt, Cherry Smyth

୨୧ Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman

୨୧ Femme/Butch: New Considerations of the Way We Want to Go by Michelle Gibson, Deborah Meem

୨୧ Femme: Feminists, Lesbians, and Bad Girls by Laura Harris, Elizabeth Crocker 

୨୧ Lesbian Culture: The Lives, Work, Ideas, Art and Visions of Lesbians Past and Present by Julia Penelope, Susan Wolfe

୨୧ On Butch and Femme: A Compiled Readings by I.M. Epstein

୨୧ Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme by Ivan Coyote, Zena Sharman

୨୧ Render Me, Gender Me: Lesbians Talk Sex, Class, Color, Nation, Studmuffins... by Kath Weston

୨୧ S/he by Minnie Bruce Pratt

୨୧ The Femme Mystique by Leslea Newman

୨୧ The Femme's Guide To The Universe by Shar Rednour

୨୧ The Lesbian Erotic Dance: Butch, Femme, Androgyny, and Other Rhythms by JoAnn Loulan

୨୧ The Little Butch Book by Leslea Newman

୨୧ The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader by Joan Nestle

୨୧ Tomboys!: Tales of Dyke Derring-Do by Lynne Y. Fletcher, Karen Barber

୨୧ Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote

��𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢

NOTE ⋆ there is more history content in the film section as well as historical fiction in the novel section!!!

୨୧ Appearances Can Be Deceiving: Butch-Femme Fashion and Queer Legibility in New York City, 1945–1969 by Alix Gitner

୨୧ Baby, You Are My Religion: Women, Gay Bars, And Theology Before Stonewall by Marie Cartier

୨୧ Before Stonewall: The Making of a Gay and Lesbian Community by Andrea Weiss

୨୧ Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy, Madaline D. Davis

୨୧ GLBT Historical Society: Museum & Archives ⋆ general LGBT archives, but a very important and great source

୨୧ Making History: The Struggle for Gay and Lesbian Equal Rights: 1945-1990: An Oral History by Eric Marcus

୨୧ Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life In Twentieth-Century America by Lillian Faderman

୨୧ Uninvited: Classical Hollywood Cinema and Lesbian Representability by Patricia White

୨୧ Unsuitable: A History of Lesbian Fashion by Eleanor Medhurst

𝚗𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚜

୨୧ A Crystal Diary: A Novel by Frankie Hucklenbroich ⋆ The razor-edged, compelling, often wryly humorous story hustles us from the blood-and-beer-drenched corners of her St. Louis meat-packing district '50s youth, through the sex-soaked Hollywood alleys of her '60s baby butch years, into the druggy metropolis of '70s San Francisco.

୨୧ Beebo Brinker by Ann Bannon ⋆ Beeboo, a butch 17-year-old farm girl newly arrived in New York after she is driven from her Wisconsin home town for wearing drag to the State Fair. Befriended by the gay Jack Mann, a father-figure with a weakness for runaways, Beebo sets out to find love.

୨୧ Departure from the Script by Jae ⋆ An��aspiring actress meeting photographer, femme meeting butch in this light-hearted lesbian romance set in Hollywood.

୨୧ Doc and Fluff: The Dystopian Tale of a Girl and Her Biker by Pat Califia ⋆ Set in the bleak and not-too-distant future of a culture in its death throes, Doc and Fluff careens through the lives of a pair of outlaw women struggling to survive on the road.

୨୧ Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo ⋆ America in 1954 is not a safe place for two girls to fall in love, especially not in Chinatown. Red-Scare paranoia threatens everyone, including Chinese Americans like Lily. With deportation looming over her father—despite his hard-won citizenship—Lily and Kath risk everything to let their love see the light of day.

୨୧ Lucy and Mickey by Red Jordan Arobateau ⋆ Lesbian life in the late 1950s, early '60s; and a powerful romance & sexual drama between two females, Lucy & Mickey.

୨୧ Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller ⋆ In an early puritanical New England town, a butch and femme fall in love and discover they can run a farm and live together away from the world that sought to limit them and their love.

୨୧ Satan's Best by Red Jordan Arobateau ⋆ volume #1 in the ten book lesbian biker series THE OUTLAW CHRONICLES. In this action-packed novel we are introduced to the gang of raunchy and glamorous biker women, including the 5 Warlords who run the Outlaws. Enter beautiful blond butch Angel–lone rider on the storm.

୨୧ Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg ⋆ The life of Jess Goldberg, a working-class Jewish butch lesbian in New York from the 1940s through the 1970s.

୨୧ The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall ⋆ The timeless struggle of a butch and femme couple to be accepted by "polite" society. This now classic was banned outright upon publication in 1928.

𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚊 𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚎𝚜

୨୧ Back To Basics: A Butch-Femme Anthology by Theresa Szymanski

୨୧ Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica by Tristan Taormino

୨୧ The Harder She Comes: Butch/Femme Erotica by D.L. King

𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚑𝚢 𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍

୨୧ Butch/Femme edited by M.G. Soares

୨୧ Butch: Not Like The Other Girls by SD Holman

୨୧ Dagger On Butch Women by Lily Burana, Roxxie Linnea Due

୨୧ Love Bites by Del LaGrace Volcano

୨୧ Making Out: The Book Of Lesbian Sex And Sexuality by Zoe Schramm-Evans, Laurence Jaugey Paget

୨୧ Nothing But The Girl: The Blatant Lesbian Image by Susie Bright, Jill Posener

୨୧ The Butch/Femme Photo Project by Wendi Kali

୨୧ The Drag King Book by Del LaGrace Volcano, Judith "Jack" Halberstam

୨୧ The Femme's Guide to the Universe by Shar Rednour

𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚖𝚜

୨୧ A Complicated Queerness: Living Femme in a Dyke Community dir. Johanna Buchignani, Emily Hillman ⋆ short film: This film investigates the ways in which gender, power and sexism are lived and experienced within the San Francisco Mission dyke community. The documentary aims to promote awareness of and discussion about the prejudice and invisibility of queer femininity, in order to build alliances and healthier communities.

୨୧ Before Stonewall (1984) dir. Greta Schiller, Robert Rosenberg ⋆ documentary: The history of the Gay and Lesbian community before the Stonewall riots began the major gay rights movement.

୨୧ Bound (1996) dir. The Wachowskis ⋆ thriller/crime: Corky, a tough female ex-convict working on an apartment renovation in a Chicago building meets a couple living next door, Caesar, a paranoid mobster, and Violet.

୨୧ Gay Tape: Butch and Femme (1985) by Cecilia Dougherty ⋆ short: The Gay Tape brings “a little fine-tuning” to the question of representation, honing in on the subjective particularities of the butch-femme dynamic as experienced by members of Dougherty’s local Bay Area dating pool. 

୨୧ If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000) dir. Jane Anderson, Anne Heche, Martha Coolidge ⋆ romance/drama: This anthology of short films tells the stories of three lesbian couples - who live in the same house at different periods of time - who are at a crossroads in their lives. The second story includes a motorcycle riding, leather jacket and tie wearing butch, Amy.

୨୧ Stormé: The Lady of the Jewel Box (1987) dir. Michelle Parkerson ⋆ documentary/short film: Through archival clips, Stormé DeLarverie, bodygaurd of a women's club and former drag king looks back on the grandeur of the Jewel Box Revue and its celebration of pure entertainment in the face of homophobia and segregation.

୨୧ Stud Life (2012) dir. Campbell X ⋆ romance/drama: JJ, a lesbian, works as a wedding photographer with Seb, a gay man who is her best friend. After JJ falls in love with a gorgeous diva, her friendship with Seb becomes strained, and she may be forced to choose between Seb and her lover.

୨୧ The Aggressives (2005) dir. Daniel Peddle ⋆ documentary: The Aggressives is an exposé on the subculture of masculine presenting people of color and their femme counterparts. Filmed over five years in New York City, the featured subjects share their dreams, secrets, and deepest fears.

୨୧ The Watermelon Woman (1996) dir. Cheryl Dunye ⋆ romance/comedy: An aspiring black lesbian filmmaker researches an obscure 1930s black actress billed as the Watermelon Woman.

𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜

୨୧ A Butch Road Map by Ivan Coyote ⋆ spoken word

୨୧ A Dyke's Bike Repair Handbook by Jill Taylor ⋆ motorcycle care/repair handbook, this one is so random i just love it lol

୨୧ Are Butch and Fem Working-Class and Anti-Feminist? by Sara L. Crawley ⋆ article

୨୧ Butch Between the Wars: A Pre-History of Butch Style in Twentieth-Century Literature, Music, and Film by Karen Allison Hammer ⋆ dissertation

୨୧ Feminizing Theory: Making Space for Femme Theory by Rhea Ashley Hoskin ⋆ thesis

୨୧ Femme: Feminists, Lesbians, and Bad Girls by Laura Harris, Elizabeth Crocker

୨୧ Lesbian Identity and the Politics of Butch-Femme by Amy Goodloe ⋆ paper/review

୨୧ Lineage To My Femme Foremothers by A.N. ⋆ zine

୨୧ Lipstick & Dipstick's Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships by Gina Daggett, Kathy Belge

୨୧ Narrating and Negotiating Butch and Femme: Storying Lesbian Selves in a Heteronormative World by Sara L. Crawley ⋆ dissertation

୨୧ On the Appropriation of Femme from Lesbians Over Everything, a discussion between four femmes ⋆ article

୨୧ The Misunderstood Gender: A Model of Modern Femme Identity by Heidi Levitt, Elisabeth Gerrish, Katherine Hiestand ⋆ study

୨୧ The Mythic Mannish Lesbian: Radclyffe Hall and the New Woman by Esther Newton

୨୧ To All the Beautiful, Kick-Ass, and Fierce, Full-Bodied Femmes by Ivan Coyote ⋆ spoken word

i was meaning to post this for when i hit 1k followers, but i somehow have already surpassed that. it is weird to think that i started this blog on january 27. thank you all so much for following and interacting. i hope you enjoy this list and my blog in general!!

much love 💋