echoloaction

[echoloaction]

Writers block is taking over me. I have deleted this post at least 4 times. The words are heavy in my brain and my metaphors fall flat. All words but the small clunky ones are suddenly erased from my memory. It hurts to stare at a page with so much emotion and so little inspiration.

Current read: Song of Achilles~ Madeline Miller

[echoloaction]

I thought you poisoned my food. That strange chemical taste that lingered on my tongue as I shovelled it down. I don’t know what horrified me more; the fact that I thought you would do it, or how I was willing to let you do it. I sat there like a dog licking the meat on your hands unaware of the pill inside. Eating with the blind trust of an animal being led to the slaughter. Maybe you did poison me. Maybe I’ll never know.

Current read: Galant~ V.E. Shwab

[echoloaction]

I read too much. My mind gets tangled in different worlds and a part of me gets lost there. I need to wrench myself away and into the crippling horror of monotony, mediocrity. The reality that I will never be looked at, never be longed for. I am a body but not a person. I am a female but not a woman.

Current read: Bunny~ Mona Awad

[echoloaction]

The pretty girls that only speak to pretty girls. The flat stomached fat girls. The sickening, consuming comparison addiction sinking its fingers into your mind, fingernails digging into the flesh and pulling at your insecurities. The deafening realisation that you will never know what you look like because your reflection changes each time you look in the mirror. I am a creature constantly morphing into what I most fear.

Current read: Tender is the Flesh~ Agustina Bazterrica

[echoloaction]

I hate my name. I hate every vowel, every consonant. I hate when you say it, when you say it so gently, as if I am something to be cared for. But it’s like poison in your mouth, something you should spit it up like bile from your body, wincing from the aftertaste. So call me by yours instead. I like hearing yours better

Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine

~ CMBYN, Anderé Aciman

[echoloaction]

What do you do when you find yourself loitering on the precariously steep cliff of falling for someone? Tripping and landing in the ravine of lovesick delirium?

Beautiful tyrant! / fiend angelical! / dove feathered raven! / wolvish-ravening lamb!/ despised substance of divinest show!

~ 3:2 Romeo and Juliet

[echoloaction]

I am overcome with the urge to clean, to sort, to tidy. Stacks of books cover my floor ranging from my childhood favourites to complex philosophy to my own words scrawled in journals. I think this sprouts from my inability to organise my own thoughts, the impossibility to choose your feelings; the daunting realisation that you are not and never will be in control of yourself.

Current Song: Cherry Waves~ Deftones

[echoloaction]

I am in a sphere of noise surrounded by deafening silence trying to figure out which one is worse. Is it the constant pressure of social expectations stifling me like a thick smog? Or is it the vast emptiness of solitude stranding me in a sea that cannot be navigated?

Current read: If We Were Villains ~ M.L. Rio

[echoloaction]

My world is changing. Trees are being cut down in my garden, friends are coming and going and I’m getting rid of old stuff to make room for nothing. Just feeding the void. My mind is blank during the day and the night has no substance.

Current read: Naked Lunch ~ William S. Burroughs

[echoloaction]

Everyday im becoming more and more obsessed. I got my nokia today and its no bigger than my palm, during art class I walked down to the creek and contemplated drowning. Maybe Jacob would save me?

current read: these violent delights ~ Micah Nemerever