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nothing will ever live up to the moment when after devouring over 250 pages deeply immersed in the characters and story and after the emotions of the proposal I reached the very end of the letter that turns everything on its head only to find out that Mr Darcy's name is Fitzwilliam

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shoutout to kitty and lydia bennet for being a rare female example of Those Two Idiots

not just one cringefail losergirl but TWO of em. austen truly was ahead of her time

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i feel very stongly that elizabeth 100% would have sworn darcy to eternal secrecy about the fact that he had already proposed once unsuccessfully when she accepted, solely bc you just KNOW mr collins' smug ass would be like, "oh ho ho! huh! so apparently it IS the usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept when he applies for their favor! hm! interesting!" and then she would be honor-bound to leap over lady catherine's dining table and strangle him

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Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy being like, "I am 100% committed to respecting your 'no', but I heard you wouldn't promise my aunt not to marry me so I had to come and check just one (1) more time."

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drown - anon request for ace!Evan - @rosekillermicrofic - slightly NSFW - word count: 548

“Okay, craziest place you’ve had sex,” Dorcas said loudly, grinning over the edge of her wine glass.

Immediately the stories started in. James and Regulus laughing hysterically over the time they shagged in Sirius and Remus’s bed, while Sirius, who was listening in horror, mimed being sick. Remus and Sirius then returning the favor by going into excruciating detail about when they’d fucked in Regulus’s car.

Dorcas and Marlene told a story about a balcony, while Lily and Pandora went on about a disgusting club bathroom.

And by the time eyes turned to Evan and Barty, Evan felt like he was drowning. “Er…” he mumbled, eyes firmly glued to the floor.

“Headmaster’s office. While we were still in school,” Barty said smoothly, squeezing Evan’s hand and giving him a calm smirk.

The circle burst into raucous laughter.

“You creeps,” Pandora said, grimacing.

That should have been it. But later, the whole thing was still on Evan’s mind.

“You lied,” he said as soon as they left Regulus and James’s flat, face twisted into a frown.

“Which time?” Barty replied casually, like he had no cares in the world.

“When…” Evan sighed, crossing his arms and turning to his boyfriend. “About sex. We’ve never…and you must be angry about it by now.”

Barty’s expression was almost thoughtful. “Do you want to fuck, Rosie?”

No. That was the simple answer. He loved Barty, with every fibre of his being. Loved laughing with him, being with him, snogging the daylights out of him. He even loved watching him get himself off, which was a frequent one of their pastimes. Occasionally, he even volunteered to help. But actual sex…but everyone else did it! “I can,” he hedged, trying to keep his voice steady.

“But you don’t want to,” the shorter man said, shrugging at the truth. “So we don’t. What does it matter?”

“You want to,” he shot back, voice cracking as his self-consciousness broke through. “So if I don’t…” he didn’t finish, but the implication was clear. If he didn’t, Barty would find someone who would. And the idea of that was devastating, because honestly…Evan couldn’t imagine being with anyone other than Barty. Nobody else was fucked up enough to even close to match him.

“Evan.” Shit, things were definitely bad if Barty was using his real name. He winced and looked down, but Barty waved a hand in his face. “Evan, what is this?”

He paused, confused. There was nothing in Barty’s palm. “Nothing,” he answered sullenly. Your hand is empty.”

“But it’s a hand,” the shorter man said, tone implying a heady eye-roll. 

Still unsure, Evan looked up. “So?”

“So if I’m horny, I can use it, see?” Barty said, smirking. He held up his other hand. “I even have a back-up. But I only have one Rosie, so I’m not gonna do something stupid like fuck him over by insisting he get me off, see?”

Relief flooded through Evan’s body, sweet and intense. “Really?” he murmured, eyes wide.

“‘Course. Plus, this way, when people ask about the freaky shit we do, we can tell them terrifying stuff without actually having to sustain the injuries behind the stories, you know?” Barty grinned evilly. “It’ll be fun.”

Despite himself, Evan chuckled. “I love you, you loser.”

“Love you more, Rosie.”

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I just want you to know that I am screaming right now

I have no excuse for this

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Pride & Prejudice, dir. Joe Wright

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The Gay hand-touch

@steddiebingo ~ prompt: water ~ wordcount: 958 ~ ao3 here

A/N: So yeah, I just watched Pride and Prejudice for the first time and the entire time I thought 'okay, but what if this was gay' (yk, like any normal person would) and this prompt was perfect for that and here we are.

The rain was drumming on the roof of the pavilion when Stephen arrived, clothes soaked and glued to his skin. Water was still dripping from his hair, as he stroked a few strands out of his eyes. 

"Mr. Munson!" 

Edward had his back turned to him. He didn't move, but Stephen noticed him straightening his back in an attempt to appear taller and more collected. 

"Lord Harrington." 

For more than a minute, Stephen simply stood there, looking at the way Edward's untamed curls cascaded onto his broad shoulders. Swallowing hard, he stepped forward until they stood side by side. 

"You shouldn't be out here in the rain. You will catch a cold," Munson declared, eyes fixed on the horizon.

"So will you. Let me escort you inside." 

"I don't need to be escorted," Edward snapped, turning toward him. There was a fire in his eyes that could melt even the bricks Stephen had used to build the wall to protect his mind from any attachments. "I am not a Lady, I don't need a chaperone. I am a free man and I can come and go as I please. You, however, have your perfect match waiting for you, in there." He pointed toward the mansion, from which quiet laughter and music rang toward them. "Lady Wheeler is one of the most desired attendants at this ball, so if you want a chance of making her your wife, you should return inside sooner, rather than later."

With that, Edward turned back, closing his eyes as he tried to calm his ragged breath. 

Stephen stepped back, trying to swallow the lump that had started to build up in the back of his throat. "My apologies. I wasn't aware that you had intentions with Lady Wheeler-"

Edward laughed. It was clearly unintentional, given the nature and volume of the laugh. But something in that laugh made Stephen's stomach turn and his chest ache. He wanted- needed, to hear him laugh like this again. 

"Forgive me. I," he cleared his throat. "I can assure you that I have no intentions with Lady Wheeler whatsoever. I do not care whom she gets promised to."

"Then why are you acting in such a manner?" Stephen asked, getting more and more irritated by the second. 

Why him? 

The man with the too-long hair and the wrong clothes, who wore black when he wasn't attending a funeral, and silver rings on his fingers, and who preferred playing the lyre over fencing. Every single thing about him was driving Stephen closer to madness. 

And yet, he had followed him out here, through the rain, voluntarily seeking his presence. 

"I do not need to explain myself to you," Edward replied, turning back to the balustrade. His hands gripped onto the top rail so tightly, that his knuckles pressed against his skin, making it appear almost white. 

"You really are awful at hiding your jealousy," Stephen teased with a quiet smile, placing his own hands on the balustrade. 

"And why should I be jealous of you? You've come as far with Lady Wheeler as me, and I am not even trying." 

"My good Mr. Munson. Who knew you had a sense of humor," Stephen grinned, beginning to tap the rhythm of the rain onto the railing. 

Edward snickered quietly, then placed one hand on top of Stephen's. Immediately, he stopped his movements, halted even his breath. 

Still as a statue he remained as Mr. Munson intertwined their fingers with each other, sending shivers through Stephen's entire body. That's what it must feel like when being struck by lightning. 

"You only made one mistake, Lord Harrington. You assumed that I was jealous of the wrong person." Munson answered calmly. 

Slowly, Stephen turned his head to the other man. 

His brain told him, this was wrong and immoral, and against nature. Two men couldn't marry. They couldn't conceive children, so what was the point? 

The point...

The point was that Edward was holding his hand, right here and now, touching him, like only lovers ever should. And that Stephen wanted infinitely more of him. 

Like a snake, striking to bite, Stephen drew back. 

Edward let him. He didn't even look surprised. Of course, he didn't. "Are you going to tell everyone that I am a 'Freak'?"

"No. They already know that. This is nothing anybody ever needs to know about." He took a few steps away from him. He could simply leave, have this whole situation over with. He could see that it was what Edward was expecting of him. 

The sorrow in his eyes made it hard for Stephen to breath. He'd never intended to hurt Edward Munson in such a way. 

"You do know that this is highly illegal. And immoral," he started explaining. "And not everyone will treat you as kindly as I do." 

Edward nodded, lowering his head slightly. 

"However... denying that I... that being close to you has certain effects on me would be a lie." He swallowed hard, forcing his head to stop yelling at him in the same manner that his mother would if she ever were to find out about this. 

Stephen collected all his courage and took one step closer. 

"We can never be together. We can never show our affection to anyone. You and I will both get married to eligible young women." 

"Yes, I am very much aware of that," Edward's eyes met his. They were so warm, compared to the rain. "But I dare say that a piece of my heart will always belong to you. And not society, nor God himself can take it from you."

"Then I shall keep it, and treasure it for the rest of my days," Stephen replied honestly, resting his forehead against Edward's.

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Or maybe it's just the whiskey...

Or a combination of both.

Make editing 10 times more fun by reading the text in a silly, badly-done accent.

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Make editing 10 times more fun by reading the text in a silly, badly-done accent.

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one head typically had two eyes.

Where are the remaining two eyes?

Are they on the butt?

Plese tell me they are on the butt.

"Be not afraid" girly you have EIGHT EYES and THREE heads I am AFRAID

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to the anon, who requested lily/mary/marlene smut:

I will be working on it, it just might take a while, since I'm also pre-writing for kinktober, and I can only write so much porn.

It will get done eventually tho.

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In Mirror, Mirror, Rapunzel asks Eugene what Pete the Guard's middle name is. His answer is "'the', also Stan's middle name".

Which implies, that 'Guard' is their last name.

Conclusion:

Stan and Pete are married. (Or related, but let's not get into that.)

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I am overcome with an urge to write angst.

Send guns and ships (prompts and... well, ships)

also, I will allow anon requests again

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｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 the shipper dialogue prompts 　ﾟ･｡･

author's addition: okay… now kiss. just a warning (kinda) charles boyle spoke. i typed. that’s our process.

୨୧ “i know love when i see it. and i see it. all over your stupid faces.”

୨୧ “if you don’t confess soon, i will. on your behalf.”

୨୧ “i saw you brush shoulders. that’s legally binding where i’m from.”

୨୧ “just kiss already, i’m aging over here.”

୨୧ “every time you flirt and then say you’re ‘just friends,’ i lose a brain cell. i don’t have many left.”

୨୧ “i am not saying i ship you but i’ve already made a wedding playlist and picked out your first dance song.”

୨୧ “i’ve shipped fictional people with less chemistry than you two and they still kissed.”

୨୧ “i blinked and missed the moment you fell in love. can you reenact it?”

୨୧ “are you flirting or do you always make heart eyes while handing someone a pen?”

୨୧ “you make me believe in love. which is rude. and confusing.”

୨୧ “i am this close to handcuffing you together. don’t test me.”

୨୧ “they smiled at your joke. i’ve never smiled at your jokes. that’s love.”

୨୧ “stop acting like you’re not in love. it’s embarrassing for me.”

୨୧ “you’re basically dating. just without the benefits. or the kissing. or the honesty.”

୨୧ “have you considered: me, being right, about you two, being in love.”

୨୧ “i saw the hand graze. i saw it. don’t gaslight me.”

୨୧ “every time you deny your feelings, a fairy dies. think about that.”

୨୧ “you literally said, ‘i care about you more than anything.’ friends don’t say that! i say that to cake! but because i love it! ”

୨୧ “you’re blushing. they’re blushing. i’m blushing. just kiss, you cowards.”

୨୧ “friends don’t look at each other like that. enemies don’t look at each other like that. only soulmates do.”

୨୧ “when you finally get together i’m going to sob. and then say ‘i told you so.’”

୨୧ “i love love. specifically your love. now get it together and be the main characters you were meant to be.”

GIVE CREDITS TO @iamgonnagetyouback / @fawndrip