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everreidphan · 5 months ago

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crawling back to you - s. reid

pairing: spencer reid x reader

warnings: gn!reader (as far as I am aware, but please let me know if otherwise!), alcohol consumption, takes place in a bar, possible ooc spencer (this my first spencer fic, so bear with me!), kind of angsty, very open ending. loosely based on my interpretation of "Do I Wanna Know?" by Arctic Monkeys. let me know if i'm missing anything.

wc: 1.4k

Going to a bar alone is never as fun as going with your friends, but somehow that’s where you ended up, looking for a way to forget the wounds of your most recent breakup. You sat at a table in the back, nursing your third drink of the evening, wishing the liquor would help wash away the memories of standing in your apartment with Spencer, as you yelled at each other. The beginning of the end of a relationship you wished could have lasted forever.

As the live band played that night, you heard the beginning chords of your song. The one you heard on the radio one night after your first date and decided would be your song. The one you would play as you danced with Spencer in the light of the refrigerator when you first moved in together, and would drunkenly dedicate to him during karaoke nights. You were lost in your memories as you heard the song begin to come to an end. You jumped up, and walked over to the band, leaving a tip in the guitar player’s open case, asking them if they could play the song again.

As they announced that they would play it again, you went back to the bar, ordering another drink before moving back to your table. As you sipped the drink, you let your thoughts drift back to Spencer, and the sweet moments of your relationship. You found yourself wondering what he was doing right now. You hated how your thoughts always seemed to drift back to him, even as you were actively trying to forget about him. You hated it even more as you pulled your phone out of your purse, your fingers itching to type out one of the only numbers you had memorized. You drunkenly typed his number in and pressed the call button, letting it ring for a millisecond before hanging up, not sure why you were calling or what you would even say if he had picked up.

Gripping your phone like a lifeline, your eyes perused the bar, looking for someone you could bring home with you, even if it was just for the one night. You notice a moderately cute guy sitting at the bar alone, and as you take a sip of your drink, trying to work up the courage to walk over to him, you feel your phone vibrating in your lap. You glance down at your phone and your blood runs cold at the sight of the contact name… Spencer… You blink at the phone in your lap, hoping that maybe when you open your eyes the name on your phone will be different. When it doesn’t change, you pick up your phone and answer the call, with a tentative hello.

“You called?” he asked, sleep lacing his tone.

“Sorry, it was a mistake. I didn’t mean to wake you,” you quietly apologize, hoping he won’t ask any further questions.

“Where are you?” he asks, sounding slightly more alert now.

“A get-together with some friends,” you say, the lie slipping from your mouth with ease.

“Are you okay?” he questions, sounding concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I swear. I didn't mean to call you,” you say, too quickly, wanting to hang up.

“Are you drunk?” he asks, still concerned.

“What?” you ask, playing innocent.

“Are. You. Drunk?” he questions again, ennuncating each word.

You pause for a moment, debating how to reply. “Only a little bit…,” you lie, still wanting to end the conversation.

He hesitates a moment before speaking. “You’re not really at a get together with your friends, are you?”

“Why do you care?” you ask, frustrated.

“I- I don’t know,” he says, stumbling over his words nervously.

“Well, if you can’t tell me why you care so much I’m going to hang up,” you mutter, pulling your phone away from your ear.

“Wait!” You hear him shout from the other side of the line.

You cautiously place your phone back against your ear. “What?” you say, lacklusterly.

“Why did you actually call me tonight? And don’t tell me it was an accident.” he says, quietly.

Silence radiates from your end of the phone, just the quiet bustle of the bar filling Spencer’s ear. You take another sip of your drink, hoping the warming liquid will give you the courage to say something you otherwise wouldn’t.

“I…. I heard our song, and I missed you,” you say, quietly.

There’s a quiet pause on the other end of the line. “Where are you, hon?” he asks, the pet name slipping out on instinct.

“A bar,” you mumble in reply.

“Which bar?” he presses.

You reluctantly give him the name of the bar.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, okay? Don’t leave,” he says, before hanging up.

You sit at your table, nursing your drink, as you waited for Spencer to show up. After about ten minutes, he walks through the entrance, his gaze traveling across the open room until it lands on you, sitting at a table towards the back. Once he spots you, he makes his way towards you and sits at your table.

“Where are your friends?” he asks, suspiciously. The slightest hint of a knowing smirk graces his face.

“They left,” you lie, running your finger over the edge of the glass, feigning disinterest.

“You’re lying,” he says, his voice matter-of-fact. He had always been good at reading your tells.

“I came here by myself,” you mumble, staring down at your drink.

“Why?” he asked, something on the edge of his voice. You're a little too tipsy to tell if it’s suspicion, or jealousy, or something else entirely.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” you ask, honestly, lifting your gaze to him.

“Yes,” he says, meeting your eye contact.

You gulp slightly before mumbling a response. “I came here to forget about you for a little bit.”

“By drowning yourself in liquor?” he asks, his tone radiating skepticism.

“Something like that,” you mumble, avoiding the real reason you were here.

“Why else?” he raises an eyebrow.

“What?” you ask, confused.

“That can’t be the only reason you came to this random bar tonight. If you wanted to forget about me, you could have drank the memories away at home,” he says, with a scoff.

Your finger stills on the rim of your glass, where you had been absentmindedly running it. You look down, avoiding his gaze, and in turn, the unspoken question lingering in the air.

“Why else did you come to this bar?”

“Because,” you trail off, still looking into your drink. You quietly mumble. “I wanted to forget you. I needed to be able to move on.”

“By having a drunken one night stand?” he asks, almost cautiously, not really wanting to know the real answer.

“Look, Spencer, I don’t need your judgement.”

“I wasn’t judging you,” he says. “Did you know that one night stands can actally lead to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms and lower your self-esteem?”

“What’s the point of that fact, Reid? Are you trying to psychoanalyze me?” you ask, a slightly teasing lilt in your voice. You glance up at him as you take another sip of your now watered down drink.

“That’s not… That’s not what that word means,” he says, tilting his head slightly. “Why did you actually call me tonight?” he asks, his voice low.

“I… I was drunk. And I couldn’t forget you. And the alcohol wasn’t helping. And I…” you trail off.

“And you?” he prompt you to continue.

“I missed you… I miss us… And I heard our song, and it reminded me of all the good things from our relationship. Before things got messy and weird. And I miss that.” You look down at your half empty drink, to hide the tears that are prickling your eyes.

Spencer reaches out and grabs your chin gently, raising your face to look at him. His thumb softly brushes the tears from your cheek. “We aren’t right for each other, love,” he murmurs.

“I know,” you say, your voice barely audible over the noise of the bar.

“I miss you, too.” he murmurs.

You gasp, the quiet confession taking you back. You don’t know if things will ever work out between the two of you, but right now, in this little bubble of a moment, you don't wish to be anywhere else. After all, maybe nights are made for saying the things that you can’t say tomorrow.

tag list: credit to @kodaswrld for the divider); @dearlenore (thanks again for liking my original post about this fic!) @uniquelyabnormallyoriginal @bookworm124

an: please let me know if you would like to be tagged in any new fics I write! this is my first spencer fic (and the first thing I've ever written and published) so bear with me! but also, I want to eventually write! Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! <3

#spencer reid #fanfic #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer x reader #spencer reid angst #fanfiction

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