evilelrond

[evilelrond]

Galadriel: Elrond, what are you doing?

Elrond: Mind your own business.

Gil-Galad: What are you doing?

Elrond: I said mind your own damn business!

[evilelrond]

Elrond: *Standing in front of the mirror.*

Gil-Galad: Why do you not have a reflection?

Elrond: Why would I?

Gil-Galad: I'm going to turn around and when I turn back you better have a reflection in that mirror or so help me god.

[evilelrond]

Elrond: Ever heard the saying, you are what you eat?

Gil-Galad: Please don't say this is your way of admitting to something fucked up.

[evilelrond]

Servant: My King, Elrond's been involved in another kidnapping.

Gil-Galad: Fuck!

Servant: This time he has taken the Dark Lord captive and-

Sauron: *Tied up and gagged*

Sauron: *Muffled shouting*

Maglor: He got you too? It's best not to fight it.

[evilelrond]

Elrond: Why is killing someone so easy? Why don't they fight back?

Sauron: Kid, you didn't give them a chance.

[evilelrond]

Elrond *explaining why it was perfectly alright to eat orc meat during the War of Wrath actually*: It’s not cannibalism! Technically-

Glorfindel: When you have to use the word technically you’re already in trouble!

[evilelrond]

Sauron: This is the thirteenth time you've summoned me to sell your soul. Melkor wants to know where you keep getting these souls.

Elrond: I'll never tell.

[evilelrond]

The wielders of the three rings all three had the opportunity to seize the one...

We know Galadriel and Gandalf's fears about how it would turn them into a second Sauron but I wonder what Elrond's dark side would have looked like? Elrond who twice in his life could have taken it. Once by force the other by nature of being its guardian had it been left in Rivendell. Is that part of the reason why he wouldn't have it stay in Rivendell? He was afraid of temptation or was he both wise and disinterested like Faramir.

[evilelrond]

Elrond: What would you say if I confessed to murdering a man?

Galadriel: Did you already dispose of the body?

Elrond: Hypothetically? Yes.

Galadriel: Is anyone going to find it?

Elrond: Hypothetically no.

Galadriel: Then it isn't my problem.

[evilelrond]

Elrond: Stop eating!

Gilgalad: Why?

Elrond: This tastes like elf meat!

Gil-Galad: What?!

Galadriel: ...

Galadriel: Why do you know what elf meat tastes like?

[evilelrond]

Elrond: You know, elves don't actually taste that bad. I understand the hype that orcs have over it.

Gilgalad: Elrond, what the fuck?

[evilelrond]

Galadriel: Does this taste weird to you?

Elrond: No. Though, it was my turn to provide the... Meat

Everyone: *pushes their plates away*

Elrond: Well that's just rude. I don't do that when you make me eat deer or sheep.

[evilelrond]

Elrond: So, you see, Galadriel, that someone must be the bad guy.

Galadriel: That's what Sauron is for!

[evilelrond]

Elrond: Just note that I would do anything to keep this kingdom running.

Gil-Galad: Anything?

Elrond: Even tying you up and locking you in your rooms. Would kill too.

Gil-Galad: Not me though, right?

Gil-Galad: NOT ME THOUGH?!

[evilelrond]

Gil-Galad: I mean how much safer can you get? There is nothing within these walls that could ever hurt you!

Elrond: *Slowly turns to stare at them*

[evilelrond]

Galadriel: Have you seen Gil-Galad. I've been looking for him all day and I'm starting to get worried.

Elrond: Haven't seen him since last night.

Gil-Galad, hog-tied in a closet: *muffled screaming*

[evilelrond]

Sauron: Do you know how to start a fight?

Elrond: No, but I know how to end them.