evilwormwithagun

[evilwormwithagun]

Wow.

Camping under the starlight... 🌠

[evilwormwithagun]

man what a nerd

[evilwormwithagun]

AAAAAAAAAUGH

How will it be?

[evilwormwithagun]

Crying and throwing up.

"For the last time"

Sometimes all I need to start working is a silly tiktok trend to keep me going :P

[evilwormwithagun]

Beautiful

i suppose its only fair that I should remake this today

1st one  |  2nd one

[evilwormwithagun]

Real

I don't want my cellphone to have AI I want it to have 3 days of battery time. I don't want my computer to have AI preinstalled I want it to have seven usb ports and high ram at affordable price. I don't want my games to have AI built levels I want them to be so optimized I could run them on a nokia.

[evilwormwithagun]

I’ve been having random IDW Rodimus dreams for the past month or so. Which is funny because my favorite Rodimus is G1, not IDW Roddy which I have a love hate relationship with. I’m not even sure why it’s been happening so often or why it’s him specifically… but last night’s takes the cake.

I’m auditioning for a role in Emelia Perez. Not sure who, just someone. Never seen the movie, nor do I care to.

I’ve worked in the film industry before so the setting of this isn’t totally out of the norm for me. The fact that I’m auditioning is… weird because I’ve only ever worked as a gaffer (lighting) in reality and would never be an actor.

I’m also in a dress which I hate so I’m not happy about that either. I’m also locked in a bathroom on accident.

After I get out, the casting dir. is out and it’s… well, it’s Rodimus. I finally audition. He calls me back to where he’s sitting after it’s done.

R: well, babe- hold on, you look like you hate that dress btw.

(He says btw)

Me: uh? Yes, I do.

R: ok, I’ll make this quick, so you can make cinematic acting your bitch, okay? You’re great, super serious, really put together. However, we’re going for something more theatrical, babe.

He basically just tells me he needs theatre actors and I’m not good pick for Emilia Perez. At this point I wake up and hate my life. I’m not even sure what Emilia Perez would be if it had Roddy as it’s casting director. I’m scared.

[evilwormwithagun]

This is a repost because the new movie is out and I have more thoughts on this subject. Disclaimer: I am critically examining this piece of media and begging for negative character development. Now let me level with you in just under 2000 words, okay?

We truly left Bucky in Civil War.

James’s character development has been shitty since tFatWS and *at the very least tFatWS.* Civil War was excusable with the right follow up but that never happened. Marvel abandoned him a long time ago. We left him where he should have been noticeably struggling. He would have been still remembering or not remembering 70 years of torture, inhumane experimentation and exploitation. I do want him to be happy but I don’t want to watch another second of people pretending this is character growth and he’s healing. Because with that therapist in tFatWS, the victim blaming, the US Gov trying to rule him sane so they can just use him again, being thrown into whatever the FUCK Thunderbolts will be, is not healing.

It is an insult.

I started to realize I needed professional help 5 years ago and have spent around 2 years in and off therapy. I am nowhere close to recovering. I will never be the person I once was and that is fine. Why does tFatWS seem to think he can just go back to being who he was? It doesn’t say it directly but it certainly feels like it. 

He’s had less therapy than I have and he’s had 70 years of trauma. Most people have around 10-20 years left to live after they reach seventy years of life. He’s 106. He’s reached past his life expectancy. Pre-2014, he had lived only 27 of his years free and he doesn’t even remember it. 70 years of horror being all you knew doesn’t go away in six months of the worst therapy I’ve ever seen. Also including around 2 years or more of hiding before the events of Civil War. I’m sure some things were quite helpful in that hiding era from ‘14 to ‘16 but it had to be horrid to do it alone. It seems like he remembered everything important enough for Marvel at that time. Like remembering “all of them” which Sebastian Stan has publicly announced he doesn’t believe he did. (I like him more and more.)

This is not me hating on the therapist, except I am. I like the character because Bucky being used as a tool by the US Gov makes sense. They just lost Captain America, the other guy gave up the shield. They would be scrambling to use and abuse him. The therapist just doing her job as shitty and inhumane as possible only to get him back in the field is totally possible. Then Sam’s little talk with him at the end of the show is supposed to make us feel like Sam is there for him when it’s half of the same bullshit the therapist was spouting. SAM DOESN’T EVEN SOUND LIKE A VET COUNSELOR. Not even in the FIRST MOVIE HE WAS INTRODUCED IN. WHAT WAS THAT PURSE ANALOGY SUPPOSED TO MEAN?? 

I GET it, people have no clue how to write veterans. Much less, a guy with 70 years of trauma but even people with ONE (One) 1 traumatic experience may need more help than he is receiving to have such a drastic character change. All the change without ANY development is what they’re showing and it DRIVES ME INSANE. Same with him and Sam’s relationship. They had more of a relationship when they were on opposite sides of a bromance triangle with Steve than they did in tFatWS.

Personally, I think he should be remembering until he dies. I would die to know that he may never remember the face of his own mother or the voice of his father again. He may forever forget which of his sister’s names were which and that the little punk he called his best friend is the same guy he knows currently. I’m tired of Marvel continuing to avoid research or the ugly side of trauma. He has C-PTSD, a severe dissociative disorder or several, and probably derealization-depersonalization issues. That’s just the beginning of side effects of trauma. He could easily struggle with identity issues, social anxiety, chronic fatigue, and who knows what else. He was also on drugs and probably not very nice ones like benzos. If you don't know, if you're on those long enough, you can stop the natural production of serotonin and other hormones.

He had such a massive personality switch from Civil War to tFatWS… that I’m not even sure if they remembered who they’re writing about. What happened to the guy who hardly spoke? He was quiet and soft spoken. He had a shit ton of one liners. TFatWS had the ability to slowly bring another side of him out by the end but they decided he was all there from day one. 

Anyway, I could go on, I just feel like tFatWS wanted him to be more talkative because they were afraid he wouldn’t be as interesting.

Also, I do not believe Wakanda fixed his brain or any of it for a second. Not even if the possibility “he’s still in there somewhere” is true. That’s bullshit. That is not how the Winter Soldier works, he’s not a split personality, he IS James. He is himself, he’s just been conditioned for 70 years and has no reason to disobey his commands unless a stray thought or memory interrupts his conditioning. Fuck, the whole Wakanda scene and then saying “he’s free” made me want to cry. Yeah, people can heal from trauma and conditioning and brainwashing, but it felt so trite. We didn’t see any of his struggle or Wakanda’s work with him previously that it feels wrong to just believe they fixed him. It felt like a slap in my face, personally. Sure, maybe the words don’t do anything anymore and all they really did is trigger him (probably has memories associated with them that go back to his training or missions they used as examples) and made him want to obey. The other option besides obeying was torture or they would most likely hurt others. Sure, could be aided in a dissociative or depersonalized state too. Not out ruling that.

It just felt lazy. Sebastian carried it with his acting, though, good man.

There are also physical side effects to “ECT” (more like electric lobotomy boogaloo). It's safe to say he would be having seizures. 70 years of continuous brain trauma is all up in that bitch. Brain damage is messy, I know from experience. Now, I don’t expect marvel to show us a full on clonic-tonic on screen but I’m sure as fucking hell tired of them glossing over everything and making people who don’t have critical thinking skills believe they’re doing something. Maybe an absence or some sort of focal seizure. Having days where he doesn’t remember something. Having bad days, bad moments, sudden outbursts, changes in mood, panic attacks, anything.

Maybe Thunderbolts will turn around but at this point, I don’t think so. Especially with the whole “exploring the lighter side of the character” bullshit, dear lord. Every time a new trailer comes out, I lose hope. If they start playing with Yelena and Bucky being romantically involved, I’m done. You think he’s in a place for that? Well, fuck, doubt he remembers much of his previous relationships, the last friend left him, and the longest standing relationship of any kind he’s ever had in his entire existence were HANDLERS. Is that enough for you to believe his view of social life would be fucked up? Imagine your whole idea of a relationship was just obeying someone who could and can hurt you for *70 YEARS.*

Someone in the comments talked about his hair and weight gain (which was for the Apprentice.) and said it will be used for a depression plot point and I’d like to raise you a no it will not because I do not give Marvel any benefit of a doubt for literally anything.

God, I wish this would be the first movie that would accurately portray his struggle. I don’t think it will. Only thing I got out of tFatWS for trauma representation were inaccurate traumatic dreams. TRAUMATIC DREAMS ARE NOT A SCENE FOR SCENE REENACTMENT OF A MEMORY. It might use some, none, or bits and pieces, but it’s never just an exact recollection. There was sleeping on the floor because why would Hydra give him a bed when he has a freezer.

Go girl, give us nothing.

The couple of things I loved the most about tFatWS were

His obsession with the shield and losing it meant losing a part of Steve and his identity. Which I liked because he knew Steve would give that shield up for him and he’s done it in front of him. He knew it didn't mean that much to Steve. It felt like he forgot all of that and regressed. He was clinging on to the last thing he felt was left of Steve. I wonder if this isn’t the first time he’s done that either. 

Motha fuckin John Walker, what a finger licking good character, jfc. Those couple of lines about “this is all really easy for you, isn’t it?” And “you really want his blood on your hands?”. I know Bucky was having flashbacks for a while after that but we aren’t going to see that. What a wonderful little manipulator.

Zemo, I loved him, but that intro where he says Bucky’s TRIGGER (trigger), his trigger words, did I mention they’re his trigger words? The words that trigger memories that made him their soldier? His purpose? That formed his identity for the last 70 years? Longer than he was ever a normal person… and you expect me to believe he was just stony faced the whole time with some brief cracks in the wall?

Just because Bucky’s scars aren’t visible doesn’t mean people should treat them like they aren’t. Which is funny considering he does have visible scars which are probably caused by the skin constantly rupturing around a GIGANTIC METAL ARM LODGED IN HIS SHOULDER.

Also the fact that half of the comments on this post “just want him to be happy” make me laugh like a 80s villain. Specifically, Jeffery Combs, because I’m reanimating that scared little boy who got abandoned in his story and by his writers. Bring that kid back, bring him back so he can really come to life, I beg you.

no cause we left him here so wtf happened

[evilwormwithagun]

:D :D :DD

You know what really bothers me? When people say that it took 20 years for Hydra to break Bucky Barnes.

It didn’t take that long. He was captured in 1945, and was deployed to Korea during the Korean War in 1950. Isaiah Bradly talks about being dropped behind enemy lines during the Korean War to deal with the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier was FROZEN BETWEEN MISSIONS FOR YEARS ON END

[evilwormwithagun]

What I’ve been sayin’.

Suddenly thinking about a recovering Bucky Barnes.

His brain was obviously heavily damaged due to all the times he was given electroshocks to forget, but do you think he had any other issues besides memory displacement and memory loss? Seizures? Tics? Stuttering? Tremors? Headaches? Chronic fatigue? Not to mention his PTSD from everything that happened to him while he was under Hydra’s control and from the war itself. I’m willing to bet Hydra hardly fed him or let him sleep (the closest he could ever get was being put under). I also can’t imagine all the kinds of drugs they also would’ve given him to keep him more compliant and submissive, so there’s withdrawal symptoms to consider, too.

When he’s eventually in a place to actually take care of himself/be taken care of, I imagine his serum would finally be able to catch up and heal some of the damage, rather than just doing the bare minimum and keeping him functioning. But it obviously wouldn’t heal everything. He still forgets, still sometimes wakes up and thinks it’s WW2 or is startled to find that Steve is no longer small. Sometimes he loses the light in his eyes and asks what his mission is and insists that he’s ready to comply. Sometimes he doesn’t speak for days. Sometimes all he can do is lay in bed with the lights turned off and the curtains closed, leaving him in total darkness as his head aches and aches..

But he loses his stutter over time, unless he’s particularly overwhelmed or his thoughts are just too fast for his mouth to keep up with. He doesn’t tic as much. He no longer eyes all possible exits or keeps hidden weapons on him all the time. He remembers his childhood and his family. He has an appetite again. He opens himself up to others. He smiles and teases and laughs. He is able to love and allows himself to be loved.

Bucky Barnes’ mother had always said he was a resilient kid. And, these days, he’s so glad that she was right.

[evilwormwithagun]

tweet

Something like this would be so colossally helpful. I'm sick and tired of trying to research specific clothing from any given culture and being met with either racist stereotypical costumes worn by yt people or ai generated garbage nonsense, and trying to be hyper specific with searches yields fuck all. Like I generally just cannot trust the legitimacy of most search results at this point. It's extremely frustrating. If there are good resources for this then they're buried deep under all the other bullshit, and idk where to start looking.

[evilwormwithagun]

Mythbusters my beloved

rip mythbusters you would've loved destroying cybertrucks

[evilwormwithagun]

YEESS!!!!! Especially characters with PTSD!!!

why are people so against negative character development? characters don’t need to improve and become better people they can get worse and make mistakes and end up in a worse state than when they began and it’s just as interesting and entertaining as characters developing positively

[evilwormwithagun]

Keeping track of this.

The fact that Microsoft Word has to be a subscription is upsetting. I already paid for it why do I have to pay again

[evilwormwithagun]

[evilwormwithagun]

Yes!!! It’s so true! Do people not find joy in understanding something thoroughly?

i find it so interesting how people act like "critically examining a piece of media" is the opposite of "enjoying that piece of media." rip to you but i actually find it really enjoyable and compelling to dissect and think through the art i engage with

[evilwormwithagun]

they would, lmao.