ex-foster - Tumblr blog

[ex-foster]

Current read.

I really enjoyed Shrier's insights in Irreversible Damage. This book follows similar themes.

[ex-foster]

Saying you grew up in care can kill conversation – but it’s my reality

Casey Armstrong, 24, says telling people she grew up in foster care isn’t a ‘heavy confession’, but normal chat about her family. She wants to fight the stigma associated with the care system.

[ex-foster]

Story time.

When I spoke to the Vancouver rape crisis center (Canada's longest standing rape crisis center that got defunded by trans activists because they exclusively hire women), they told me that the majority of the women they service there had histories in the foster care system (just like myself).

This very same Vancouver rape crisis center was vandalized by trans activists repeatedly. Trans activists wrote death threats to "terfs" on their walls. On a separate occasion there was a dead rat nailed to their door.

It is absolutely essential for women to be able to escape male violence.

What really makes me angry about trans activism is that it is so painstakingly obvious that dangerous and sexually deviant men are prioritized over vulnerable women.

Although people who subscribe to trans activism tend to believe that they are protecting some of the most vulnerable members of society, women who aged out of foster care are among the most vulnerable members of society and the general attitude towards us vs trans identied men is abhorrent. Women with sexual trauma (a characteristic that often overlaps experiences in foster care) are gaslit into believing that they are irrational for fearing men who openly pose a threat to women. Not only do these men demand access to our vulnerable spaces but they threaten us with graphic assault which often takes on a sadistic sexual theme. "Terf" is simply a witch hunt and it disproportionately targets the most vulnerable women - like women who need access to rape crisis centers or domestic violence shelters.

I'm so done with "TERFs" being outed everywhere and excluded from groups we SHOULD NOT be excluded from. Everyone picks trans women over women who want the world to be a safe place for us. How ironic is that?

[ex-foster]

https://nationalpost.com/health/trangender-girls-social-contagion

[ex-foster]

Power, control, and rough sex pornography had moderate popularity, with the highest usage among gender-/sex-diverse individuals (62.50%), followed by cisgender men (39.20%) and cisgender women (29.28%).

"The use of passion and romance pornography (i.e., romantic place, romantic sex or couple having sex, massage, and mutual masturbation) was associated with higher sexual satisfaction, while the use of power, control and rough sex pornography (i.e., sadomasochism, bondage and domination, spanking, and rape/sexual assault) was associated with lower sexual satisfaction,” Nolin told PsyPost.

“Cisgender men’s use of power, control and rough sex pornography was associated with lower sexual function (i.e., more difficulties related to sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm). These results could be explained by how using specific pornographic contents creates sexual expectations that can vary in their levels of realism or of how actually satisfying they can be when recreated with a partner.”

Knowing what I know about the trans community, I am absolutely not surprised that their pornography use features themes of power, control, and rough sex. What does surprise me though is lumping all "gender diverse" people together in a study and not separating the men and women.

[ex-foster]

This person ended up deleting their replies (without apologizing go figure).

It's rather concerning that pro-choice people tend to see (former) foster kids such as myself as a rhetorical argument in the abortion debate rather than someone who is already born.

Can we talk about how unusual it is to argue that abortion is the "better alternative" than ending up in foster care (if that means you face a higher chance of being sexually trafficked)?

This is called a strawman fallacy where someone misrepresents someone's argument to make it easier to attack.

First of all, my entire point was that as a former foster kid I am beyond tired that the ONLY time progressives bring up foster kids is in the abortion debate. I am unsure how I could make that any clearer to you. I aged out of foster care and the evidence shows that the statistical outcomes for former foster kids is pretty grim (high rates of homelessness, housing insecurity, poverty, unemployment, underemployment, PTSD, substance abuse, limited education opportunities, social isolation, social stigma, discrimination). Our vulnerability to sex trafficking is often tied to the lack of community resources available to us when we age out of care. Aging out means we get evicted from foster care once we turn 18. Pimps and sexual predators understand that they can target group homes and foster care facilities because when girls turn the legal age of consent they are often very vulnerable (and statutory rape laws no longer apply) therefore they can try to groom them into the porn industry. Pimps exploit girls from foster care in numerous ways. They exploit the girls' longing for love, family, belonging, housing, and financial resources. Many of us who age out of care only have modest amount of personal belongings such as a bag full of our clothes. It is difficult for us to get jobs especially when we had education set backs (research shows that every time a foster kid moves they fall behind 4-6 months in their academic career).

Telling us former foster kids that we are simply better off dead does not solve sex trafficking. We need actual advocates for former foster kids. We could advocating for making laws that crack down on those who sexually exploit girls/women from care. We could offer extended social worker support for women from care without an age cut off. We could be offering group therapy. We could be offering life skills training. We could be addressing the education barriers (and guess what? That's already happening. Many places are now offering tuition waivers for higher education to former foster kids!). We need more activism like THIS not demoralizing arguments that suggest that we are abused and neglected beyond help and nobody cares about us so we are better off dead! 😒

Suggesting abortion as a solution to sex trafficking makes very little sense for someone who has already been born.

For example, three of my foster sisters were in foster care because they were escaping FGM (Female Genital Mutilation). Would abortion be the "better alternative" for them? Can you understand why that is a silly suggestion for three girls who are already born? It is absurd. It is as if you think abortion is the solution to misogynistic crimes. How do you propose such a thing? Who is doing the aborting in these situations? Is it supposed to be the same set of parents that want to mutilate their daughters? There is a word for selecting female embryos to be aborted and that word is called Femicide. If you cannot comprehend how suggesting that all girls from foster care should be dead is not excluding us from feminism then I think you will never truly grasp what it means to advocate for foster kids.

[ex-foster]

This is what I mean when I say that pro-choice people tend to exclusively see foster kids as props in the abortion debate.

What you are seeing in this screenshot is a search for the keyword "foster care" on this person's account and the only time that foster care was mentioned was to argue in favour for abortion.

There are many such accounts. This is a very common behaviour that I do not see called out enough.

[ex-foster]

A really simple test.

[ex-foster]

Giving to Kids in the Foster Care System

We all know that the foster care system in the U.S. is broken. Most of us can't do much about it.

However, there's an organization that lets you buy gifts for kids in the foster system or adults who recently aged out.

In foster care, a lot if kids don't get the same types of gifts or assistance kids outside of the system get. So One Simple Wish lists wishes these kids and adults have.

Some might be cheap, as simple as a book. Others might be more expensive, like a laptop for someone going into college. And if you don't see a wish that meets the amount you can give, you can donate to a general fund.

I really encourage anyone who can afford to give to donate to One Simple Wish.

[ex-foster]

Girls from foster care: can you mention us outside the topic of abortion?

Liberal feminists: how dare you.

[ex-foster]

"Abortion is the better alternative" (to foster care)

"Where was I excluding girls from foster care?"

[ex-foster]

It's really interesting to me that according to liberals, foster care is only a pipeline to sex trafficking when the abortion topic comes up but not when it comes to discussing the ethics of the porn industry.

[ex-foster]

Your first mistake is assuming my point is about abortion. Read it again and ask yourself what you think the message was.

Did you actually read it again? Or were you ready to get combative about abortion again?

Here let me write exactly what I wrote so you can read it again:

First panel: Pro-life doesn't care about foster kids

Second panel: Neither do you because you only bring up foster kids in the abortion debate.

Reading comprehension test:

1. What was the main point of this comic?

This is a rhetorical question that I don't expect you to answer.

[ex-foster]

There is this Telus program called Mobility for Good that provides free cell phones to former foster kids who are aging out of the system.

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[ex-foster]

I don't know who you are or why this type of post "pisses you off" but I think if anything I should be the one who is angry here. If you can't see why it would be demoralizing to foster kids to exclusively be brought up in the abortion debate then I don't think we will ever see eye to eye.

"Like, I'm sorry, but do you think it's conservatives who are doing these things" (foster care reform) Yes, like my personal hero Jane Kovarikova who is a Canadian former foster kid turned conservative politician who designed a tuition waiver program for former foster kids. Conservative does not equal bogeyman.

When I criticize liberals I am specifically talking about the type of liberal that says "sex work is work" (and ignores the foster care to sex trafficking pipeline). Or the type of liberal that likes to use foster kids as a prop in the abortion debate.

It's really wild to me that foster kids are completely excluded in theories of privilege, intersectional feminism or diversity and inclusion policies.

Even though the outcomes for former foster kids are absolutely horrific, it is often ignored... Unless foster kids are being used in the abortion debate.

[ex-foster]

Its interesting that foster kids are excluded from intersectional feminism when foster kids are often:

- racial minorities

- LGBT

- girls/women who have been sexually abused

These are all groups of people that feminism tends to work with and cares about their well being. Yet I rarely see foster kids mentioned outside the abortion debate in feminist circles. Why is that?

Foster kids deserve so much more than to be your token "I wish I was aborted" friend. If this is where the discussion on foster care ends with you, please do not call yourself an ally to foster kids. We deserve actual improvements to the system not a demoralizing campaign that suggests we are better off dead.