faesanity

[faesanity]

12.23.24

4.13am

Keep hearing screaming while I sleep.

[faesanity]

5:34pm, 12/3/24

I’m listening to a video and at the same time falling asleep. I’m tired. But I hear radio chatter. And it’s so weird coz I can distinctly hear radio chatter between police officers. I don’t know what they’re saying..

Here’s the video: https://youtu.be/_HY814nJ59Y?si=HHybG9j9K6ePHcDv

[faesanity]

11/14/24

i keep hearing the shower running when the bathroom is empty

hearing a lot of humming

heating the water faucet when it isn’t on

[faesanity]

09/13/24

i'm actually terrified coz my dream feel so real especially since i've been seeing the shifting video like okg sometimes i shift to my dream reality like tf

i don't know how it works but ok - it was weird coz the surroundings were solid altho at the same time it did feel like i didn't have any control

i also was in an inception where someone had reset my timeline so i was in a stasis for a good while before waking up again and having people talk to me in a foreign language that i didn't understand - there was a lot of that happening but my anchor was actually being a patron fr aidan gallagher

it was the most solid thing i had coz at the moment i was panicking very hard - and i didn't have the thought of my family nearby to help ground me (there's a lot to unpack there evidently)

[faesanity]

3:47am • 6/9/24 • had another terrible dream that made me despise sex again // woke up wanting to tear my skin off // i can’t handle my mind.. i don’t want to.. i’ve always been afraid of my mind.. this is why; coz i get stuck in it and can’t get out.. until i’m so disoriented it’s like i don’t want to come out

reflective notes, current time: 5:57am •

[faesanity]

7/29/24

lately been hearing people showering in the bathroom - but the bathrooms empty

been hearing peoples thoughts (not real)

my paranoia been worse coz i be thinking they're talking to me or about me but it's not verbal, so like it's like i hear them thinking nasty things about me

been hearing screams at night, which is why i'm on my phone til 5am- i barely get sleep

[faesanity]

6/10/25

2:13 PM

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something. My brain went, “Oh yeah, those are FBI mice.” Then I got a better angle and saw nothing, so my brain said, “Oh, duh, they went through a portal.”

When I was younger, so many things like this happened—basically, it’s not like a hallucination, but it kind of is???

IDK…

[faesanity]

📍: Our Carrd

account directory

@faequinn — life lessons

@faesanity — my mental illness journey

@fae-quinn — vent journal

@fae-draems — dream journal

@fae-dom — system lingo

@faeside — my outside adventures

@faerepy — self therapy

@coffaeee — coffee talks

@faewaiii — all the cute things i love

@movvae — movie reviews

[faesanity]

6/8/24 • around 11pm: kept hearing rustling, unsure of what it actually was.. looked and didn’t see any clues so i ignored it.. was watching the matrix w brother

[faesanity]

high sleepiness = hallucinates i’m in the kitchen table and people are talking

:((

6/8/24

6:18pm est

[faesanity]

i heard a voice coming from my phone as if i was on call and it was on speaker :(

06/06/24

[faesanity]

the world has been spinning lately and not in a good way

5.14.24

[faesanity]

hallucinating im on an angels back

12.18.23

[faesanity]

12.5.23

the bed shook

i heard a clicking noise

[faesanity]

11.27.23

i’ve been seeing shadow beings a lot now // and hearing vocals of people i’ve never met // sometimes i’d hear my name being called or someone talking to me, without it being any of the others // i have hard delusions since being w my new partner // he knows // i have a new nose ring and i feel so pretty // i’m scared to sleep most nights in fear of the dreams and the episodes

xx, fae

[faesanity]

10/15/23

A psychotic (meaning, without regard to reality— and if that’s not what psychotic means, please let me know so that we can remove the word) rant about current world events

If we don’t leave the US, we may get killed.. not that I’m hoping for the others to beat us.. but coz I simply do not know any better. I have no knowledge of history. I trust blindly to what I’m biased of, what I’m familiar with, what feels comfortable to me; the things that have always been there for me.. I don’t even know how I managed to graduate high school.. having DID and remembering stuff do not go well together at all, but I’m glad somehow I was able to go through those 4 years. I fear for what college may bring, fear for all of us.. fear for the future of the world if we stay where we are; silent and still, unmoving.

Hallucinations we’ve had so far

I remember when I was younger and i was sleeping on the couch, the blanket was over my entire body, and as I was waking up- I felt someone sit near my stomach and lay there, hands on my arm, as I was on my side. But, even tho I did feel a dent in the couch, when I looked— there was no dent. Earlier tonight, i felt the bed shake, I felt someone touch my shoulder, my ankle— and i kept hearing doors close; all of which I’ve gotten used to. For a large portion of my life, I’ve always had psychosis, and i thought it was normal, that everyone experienced this— but, apparently it isn’t and they don’t.

Lately, I’ve been hearing voices outside of the voices of the other alters. Very unintelligible and garbled.. idk what they’re saying.. but, I know it isn’t bad. They just sound like they’re deep in conversation with one another, and I’d rather not dissect what they’re talking about. They don’t notice me at all.. which is fine.. they like to be on their own. I’m not sure if they’ve ever wanted my attention— the latest has been me hearing things while listening to a podcast— it came like an interruption; there was TV static for a second, which cleared off, and then the voices were heard for another second, and then TV static again, then it was gone. Idk why, but this doesn’t scare me as I’ve gotten used to it from it happening again and again.

Thoughts about our DID, in relation to others // talking about our DID to our friends, others that we meet when prompted (either online of in person), and our family

Primarily, I wouldn’t know what is normal and what isn’t— mostly coz I’ve not had that gauge put in me.. meaning, I’ve not had the proper tools to discern one from the other (normal > not normal). I’ve explained this concept in therapy; how there is no “one, consistent personality”, and we all emulate everyone that we’ve met so far in the smallest degree- which, to me, makes sense in the way that magnets work.. how they attract other magnets.. and how we all have a our own magnetic field and attract other things to ourselves. Much is the same for humans; we go along our lives collecting pieces and parts of whomever we may meet and incorporate those traits in ourselves coz it’s all we’ve known how to do as children.. coz what do children do— they emulate those they favor (their favorite people), and it’s no surprise that as we grow older, we do the same.

Since we feel as if we’ve been silenced in regards to speaking up about our DID, we feel very nervous and uncomfortable saying anything about it at all; and that’s the main reason why there’s no introduction to our DID, there just.. is— we just.. are— and that’s very interesting in terms of people that feel the need to explain themselves before an alter fronts or something of that nature happens in public, because- ever since we’ve felt as we’ve been silenced, we no longer feel the need to explain our own existence, and that’s the most liberating feeling in the entire world.

[faesanity]

Tonight isn’t the best..

I’ve been crying, stuck in a flashback— nothing helps quiet the voices.. I just wanna corner off the pieces of me i don’t want anymore.. but, my god— it hurts so fucking much.. please make it all stop, how does it stop?

Those ten years were the most horrendous of my life— I was in a 7 month relationship for two years I hadn’t interacted w him.. but that didn’t matter.. I went right back to him straight after.