If you need to talk to someone, email me at [email protected] I'm here for anyone that needs to talk. Last cut: April 3, 2017
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My bf texted my right in the middle of me relapsing and I felt like so guilty that all I could do was say "fuck" and flush my blade down the toilet. I regret flushing it so badly. I know I shouldn't, but I just want to give myself more and more cuts. I hate when I do this.
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Fuck.
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It's always fun when the only person who can calm your storms is out of reach
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hey if ur ever feelin shitty use this
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The other day
The other day I almost relapsed. The other day I was laying next to my boyfriend as he slept and I felt myself losing control over my body. The other day I grabbed a knife off my boyfriend's desk and put it to my skin. The other day I had to force myself into a strong flashback to stop myself from cutting. The other day I woke up my boyfriend by shaking violently as my mind remembered something horrible from my past. The other day my boyfriend had to take the knife from my hand and guide my mind back to the present. The other day I realized I won't be sleeping for a long time because of what I remembered. Today I have been dissociating more than ever. Today I can't feel my body touching anything. Today I fell into my boyfriends arms crying because I can barely feel him when he touches me and he's the one thing that brings me back from my dissociation and gives me the ability to feel again. Today I fear that if my numbness gets any worse I will relapse to be able to feel something. Today I want nothing more than to relapse. Tomorrow will be worse. Tomorrow I won't be present in my own life. Tomorrow I will be so far gone that I will have to relapse. Tomorrow I will start hiding my body again. Tomorrow I will disappoint the one person who matters to me.
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I love you all.
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