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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Tumblr-Girl (Part 16)

Tumblr – Girl (Part 16) Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: unique con-experience Word Count: ~2700 Warnings!: mentions of emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, violence, slight mentions of panic attacks

Notes: Please leave some feedback!

Part 1 Masterlist

Your PoV:

You couldn’t say anything. You couldn’t believe what happened. Yeah, sure, you read something about the SPN cast and their bond to the SPNFamily, but… no… this couldn’t be possible. You stared, first at Jensen Ackles, who entered the room first, then at Misha Collins and then at Beck. “Uhm..” you mumbled. “Hi…” you didn’t know what to say and for a few moments the room was filled with silence. “We just wanted to check on you, since we probably caused this incidence yesterday with our surprise.” Jensen said and smiled. You felt your heart rate speed up and your face tuning bright red. *Calm down* you said to yourself. Beck shot you a smile and a glance that said “It’s okay. Take your time.” You took two more breaths before thinking about what Jensen said. “Thank you.” You responded and you still couldn’t stop staring until Beck pulled two chairs to them and offered them a seat. They nodded and sat down while Beck was sitting at your bed. “So, how are you, Y/N?” Misha asked again. Slowly you got back to yourself “Yeah, I’m fine. It was just a panic attack. I’m not that good with big groups of people.” You smiled “Thanks for getting me out there; Beck told me the whole story.”

“No, problem, really. It was the least we could do for you. When can you get out of here?” Misha asked. “Hmm.. I don’t know exactly. Maybe today in the evening, but I think the nurse said that they probably will keep me here until tomorrow, just to be sure everything is okay.” You didn’t say anything of the cramps and the flashback you had in the ambulance car yesterday because you didn’t want to look like a complete freak. Then you and Beck had a nice talk with the two actors. The initial shyness and insecurities were gone after a few minutes and you had a lot of fun, it was nice to chat with them about everyday-things. To be honest you never idolized actors, not even the ones of your favourite show, they were still normal people to you, normal people with a very cool job, but normal people, maybe this helped you to keep the conversation interesting for everyone. Jensen shared something about his family and about the time on set. Beck and you told them about your studies and how you met just a day before. You noticed Mishas glance on you a few times, but maybe he just wanted to check on you if everything was okay. You didn’t think a lot about that. Suddenly Jensens phone rang, he looked at it and just said “It’s Jared, I’ve to get that one.” Then he left the room picking up the phone.

Mishas PoV

When Jensen left the room, I knew this could be the moment to tell Y/N that I was Dmitri. I thought about how to tell her, but how? There was no good way into this conversation. There was silence in the room since Jensen left. “I guess you have to do convention things today?” Y/n asked and I slowly nodded. “Yeah, in the afternoon there are some things to do, but our panels don’t start until tomorrow.” I answered. “Then why did you get here yesterday?” Y/N asked. “I mean, you could have spent this two days anywhere, you never get this early on a convention.” I looked at her a bit baffled, like she read my mind and didn’t know what to say. “Sorry. That’s none of my business.” She backtracked. “I.. I’m just curios.” I thought about it a little longer, this was the moment to come out with my secret “No, it’s okay. It’s a good question. Uhm- We… no, wait actually it was just me.. So I had to meet someone here… uhm-I planned something for this I needed some time.” I shook my head. Why couldn’t I just come straight to the point. “I see… and Jensen and Jared just were some good friends who didn’t let you down on this…” Y/N smiled. “Well, yes.. but..” I tried again, but she interrupted me and said “It’s okay. It’s your private stuff, I understand that you don’t want to tell some people, who you don’t know about it.” She smiled again. No, she didn’t understand and I didn’t know how to correct this misunderstanding. “No…, wait… I-“ suddenly Jensen came back in the room. “Misha, I think we have to go.. They need us at the convention centre.” He said and I looked at him like he told me my mum has died. “I’m sorry, Jared was very clear about it. We have to be there asap.” He looked at Y/N and Beck “It was nice to meet you, Beck. Y/N, I hope you get better soon.” Then he turned to me “Mish, I’ll get us a taxi, hurry up.” After that he shot us a last smile and left the room. I stared at the door, then I stood up, I took my wallet and pulled two of my cards out, I didn’t really think about it, but in the next moment I just did what I had to do. I took one card and noted a short thing on it “This is my private phone number” I gave the card to Beck and then took the second one, also wrote something on it and gave it to Y/N “Call me, if you need anything, doesn’t matter what, you are part of the family now. We have your back. I have your back.” Then I stood up, took my jacket and left the room after one last look back. Y/N stared at me and Beck, her friend, also couldn’t believe what happened. I smiled and closed the door after me. That didn’t go like planned, but it wasn’t that bad. Jensen waited outside the hospital; he wore his sunglasses and tried not to be noticed. I was heading in his direction, but my thoughts were completely somewhere else. Was it right to give her the card or was it a stupid idea? When I reached Jensen, he smiled at me “She is really nice. I like her, man. Did you tell her, that you are your secret guarding angel?” he teased me and I had to smile about the reference. “Hmm. I really tried, but she didn’t understand.” I answered “She thinks I’m here to meet a woman…” Jensen raised his eyebrows “Well, I mean, that’s not exactly wrong.” He laughed. “Yeah… She thinks it’s another woman, she interrupted me, when I was explaining the situation and then you came back and.. Well… This was it, maybe its better like that.” Jensen looked at me and shook his head “I don’t know.” But then the taxi came and we tried to focus on the upcoming convention.

Your PoV:

You didn’t look at the card Misha gave you, you held it in your hand and after a few minutes of staring on the closed door, you put it in your note-book, which laid on the nightstand. “Uhm. Did this really happen?” Beck asked and stared at the card in her hand. You looked at her and nodded. “I guess he liked us. And he really trusts us not to be some crazy creeps.” You started to laugh and Beck joined in. “Nothing on the con could beat that.” She said.

The rest of the day flew by, you really were allowed to leave the hospital on the same day, in the evening and for a short moment you thought about attending the Saturday Night Special at the Con, you read so much about it and you really wanted to see it with your own eyes, but on the other hand you couldn’t risk it to pass out again und cause the stuff more trouble than you did already. So you went out for a drink with Beck, she said that she had seen the SNS a few times, it wasn’t a drama to miss it this time. You let the taxi driver choose the bar and he showed you a little bar, which was very nice and not very crowded. Perfect for having a little chat and enjoying some drinks. You stayed there for quite a while when suddenly a group of people arrived. “Hmm. It seems nice, the taxi-driver didn’t lie, this place is really an inside tip” somebody said and Beck turned around quickly “That’s Richard Speight and I think the others are the people from the SNS” she said “Y/N, I think this is the weirdest con-experience I’ve ever had.” Beck laughed, “like, how can all this happen on just one weekend?” You starred at the group of people and then back to Beck. “Uhhm. I don’t know what to say.” You stated and focussed on your conversation again, you felt like the cast deserved some private time, but just a few minutes later Rob and Matt stood in front of you “Hello, would you mind if we join you at your table?” Matt asked “The rest of the tables are already occupied..” Beck looked at me and I looked at her in the same moment, then we nodded “No problem, feel free to join.” Beck said and they put their beer-bottles on the table “Thanks. So, I’m Matt, and this is Rob.” Matt introduced himself and the smaller guy, he obviously thought you didn’t know them and with a sideglance to Beck you decided to play along. “This is Y/N and I’m Beck.” Said Beck and you smiled “Nice to meet you, Rob and Matt. So, what brings you here?” You asked them and Rob giggled “The taxi-driver, we asked him for a nice, little bar, so he got us here” – “Well, same thing happened to us.” Beck laughed “We are for… well, for holidays and were looking for a spot with less tourists.” She then continued. It was a very nice talk with Rob and Matt, some time later Richard Speight joined in and brought some beer for everybody. You laughed; they told you stories from their private lives, from their travelling together and some other stuff. You still couldn’t believe this actually happened, it was your very own con-experience and it was fantastic.

When you looked at your phone to check the time it was about 3:30 in the morning. You were getting tired and so was Beck and even the guys groaned from time to time. “I guess it’s time to head to the hotel.” You said in Becks direction, she nodded and you both stood up. “In which hotel are you staying?” Rob asked, when Rich looked at him pulling the eyebrow up he realized how odd this question was “Oh.. sorry.. I.. I thought… I mean, we are staying in a hotel as well… And I thought about sharing a taxi…” you smiled about Robs embarrassment and then told them the name of your hotel “I think it would be great not to get home alone, in the middle of the night in a unknown city.” You added and Beck agreed. “Nice, that’s really nearly next to our hotel.. So let’s go” Rich said and guided you and Beck outside the bar to a taxi. When the taxi arrived at your hotel you said goodbye to the guys “It was nice meeting you, we had a lot of fun” you said to them and they nodded. “Have a good night, you two. And don’t forget: You always meet twice.” Richard laughed and gave you a wink, then they closed the car-door and headed to their hotel, which was just a few hundred meters away. Beck was still smiling “This was honestly one of the best days of my life.” She said. “Have a good night, Y/N. Let’s have breakfast together tomorrow, I’ll pick you up here at about 8:00 a.m.?” – “Sounds good, have a good night, Beck” you hugged her and then headed towards the elevator, to get to your room.

The following Sunday was nearly normal, you had breakfast with Beck, then you walked around the convention center, but you didn’t try to watch one of the panels. After the closing ceremony, you watched it on a screen in the hallway, you went back to your hotel room to pack your stuff, you got yourself late-check-out, so you could use the whole afternoon for packing and thinking about the past weekend, it was kind of crazy, but it was the best weekend in your life so far. Then you thought about the journey home, coming home in your own apartment. Your stomach hurt, when you thought about meeting Jacob again. He wasn’t a fan of this trip, he liked you to be by his side, he needed you by his side, he said that every time you talked about this trip. In this moment your phone buzzed ‘Hey babe, when are you getting home today? Waiting for you here. Ily Jacob’ you smiled. He loved you, maybe he wasn’t angry about the weekend. Maybe it will all be okay.

---

After you said goodbye to Beck and you promised to visit each other you took your bus home, it was quite a ride, a few hours passed and it was dark outside when you arrived in your hometown. You texted Jacob your arriving time and he promised to pick you up at the station and he held his promise. He pulled you closer as soon as he got the chance. “I missed you, babe. You can’t do that to me again” he said and you could smell alcohol in his breath. “Are you drunk, Jacob?” you asked and he shook his head “I just had one beer, let’s go home.” He grabbed your wrist far too tight and pulled you to the car, there he pressed to the car. “I missed you, you know. Because I need you, I love you, you do love me as well, do you?” he said, not leaving any space for you to move. You nodded, but he wasn’t letting you go “Say it, babe, you love me.” He said again and forced you to look into his eyes “Yes, Jacob, I love you.” When he heard that, he let go of you and put your bags in the car. “Let’s go home, babe, you have to tell me how your weekend was.” He said and you got into the car.

In the evening you told Jacob some things of the weekend, but he didn’t seem that interested so you kept most of it for yourself. Together you watched some TV and then went to bed, it was late and both of you were tired so you just slept next to each other. The following days were quite unspectacular; you weren’t in the mood to unpack your things, so the backpack just laid there at the floor. Jacob was here nearly every night, you got used to giving him what he wanted. You hated the days he was in a bad mood so you tried everything to keep him happy. One morning, a few days later Jacob tripped over your bags, you hurried to get your things and put them away “Sorry, I should have put them away earlier.” You said, but Jacob kept quiet, “I’m so sorry, are you hurt?” you asked again and after you put away the rest of the backpack you saw that Jacob got something in his hand. “Babe? Who is Dmitri?” he asked and you could sense the anger in his voice. You didn’t understand, how…? “What?” you asked and Jacob looked at you furiously. “Don’t do this to me- Who is Dmitri?” he asked again and when you didn’t say anything he grabbed your wrist and roughly pulled you close. “I thought you loved me.” He then said and in the next second you felt a stinging pain on your cheek. You couldn’t do anything but watch when Jacob threw something on you, a little card or something, then he left the place. You sat on the floor. What happened? When the pain slowly went away you took the card Jacob threw at you. It was the card with Misha Collins phone number, you looked at it closely for the first time since Misha gave it to you, it was not just his phone number, there were two more words on it “Love, Dmitri”

______

Tag list (let me know if you want to be tagged):

@chantelle-c333 @awolfamongstus @jannalionheart @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @evyiione @destielschild @xx-melissa-x @kcam1621 @smoothdogsgirl @kristendanwayne @haappy-go-lucky @laffytaffyhumor @thebookisbtr@michell868 @duubaduu @darthcastiel @theoneandonlysuccubus @internationalmusicteacher @gracejo2 @nanie5 @goobykeding @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @irene-frazer @thealienplace @hey-an-original-url @youknowitsmj @anspgene @sarahbaker2010 @mimzy1994 @shore-line-jewels187 @aberrant-annie @shiivaley @thefansomdad @vicmc624

#supernatural #superwholock #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #SPN #spn fanfiction #tumblr girl #Misha Collins #misha x reader #fanfiction #fanfic

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Chapter 16 of Tumblr-Girl ahead!

The text is ready, I’ll read through it one more time today or tomorrow... but it will be there veeeery soon. :)

Love, Anna

#spn #spn fanfic #SPNFamily #spnfandom #spn fanfiction #tumblr girl #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Tumblr - Girl (Part 15)

Tumblr – Girl (Part 15) Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: Boy-Time in the evening, Mishas plan seems to fail. Word Count: ~2400 Warnings: just a few little mentions of panic attacks, angst, depression, mental illness and self doubt, mentions of manipulation, mentions of implied rape, mentions of self harm

Part 1 Masterlist

Notes: I’d be glad for your feedback!

Mishas PoV

I stayed with Jensen the whole evening, we ordered some food and some beer and just enjoyed the time. We laughed a lot and I realized that we hadn’t spent an evening like that for ages. After a short time Jared joined us and told us, that the rest of the cast was heading out to have some drinks in a bar. We nodded, but nobody was in the mood to join them. “We will see them tomorrow. I guess they won’t even miss us. We wouldn’t be here normally on a Friday“, Jensen said and the two of us agreed. After having dinner we talked a lot about the times, when this conventions started. When there were just a few people. We never thought this would get that big. We took a trip down the memory lane, brought up every little detail about the experiences we made together.

After a while Jared got up. “Oh guys… I’m so glad I met you! I love you. ” he smiled at us “But I’m heading to bed, it’s been a long day… Have a good night, see you tomorrow.” After he left the room Jensen looked at me for a moment and said nothing. “So.. Is the plan on track? Will we meet your mysterious girl tomorrow?” he asked with a smile on his face. “I- I don’t know.” I stumbled. “She wrote that she would choose little panels, because she is afraid from too many people.” I said honestly. “So.. She is here. But I don’t know if I can get her to visit my panel… Or our panel.. “ I looked at the floor. “Jensen, I don’t know what to do… It’s weird, I don’t even know this woman and still I feel like I have to meet her. I have to know who she is. And if this won’t work out, I don’t know how to get to her again. This is my last chance..” Jensen patted my shoulder. “It’s okay, Misha. We will make this happen. So what did she write in her last message?”

I took my phone out, opened the tumblr-app and then realized that there was a new message. “Wait.. There is a new one.” I told Jensen completely lost in the message. After I read through it I put down my phone “No.” I whispered. “There is no chance, that our plan will work out. “ After a few seconds I realized. I stared at the wall. “Buddy? What’s wrong.” Jensen asked and I could hear that he was worried in his voice. I couldn’t say a word, so I just passed him my phone and he also read through the message. “So… The girl today during the R2M panel?” he pressed out slowly. I turned my head and looked at him “I guess we have met her already.. But there is no chance to get her to the panels.” I desperately thought about a solution for this problem “Even if she would be out of the hospital tomorrow, she wouldn’t come to one of our panels, there are too many people. And I can’t get her a VIP Ticket out of nowhere, like this would make her and many other people suspicious. And I can’t just go to her hospital room… there is no good way to meet her.” I stood up and went up and down, I couldn’t think about anything that would work out. “Why not?” Jensen replied out of the silence. “Why not what?” I told loudly, I couldn’t help myself but I got annoyed by Jensen’s question. “Sorry.” I uttered “I… I just can’t…” I looked at Jensen, I saw the concern in his eyes. “Why can’t we visit her at the hospital?” he suggested “I mean, you carried her out, we helped her, we called the ambulance, it would be just okay if we wanted to know how she does. I mean, we always looked out for the SPNFamily, would it really be so out of the world to visit her after a breakdown we caused?” In the meantime Jensen had stood up as well stood towards me “Look at me, buddy. We will fix this.” He affirmed and he pulled me into a tight hug. “Everything is going to be okay, Misha.” I just fell into this hug and let it last for a few seconds. “You are right. Thank you, Jensen.” Slowly I found my strength again and gave him a short squeeze. “We will figure it out. Tomorrow. Try to get some sleep.” Jensen said and I nodded. “yeah, that sounds good. Good night, Jensen. See you tomorrow.” I left his room and went back in my own. His idea wasn’t bad, I could visit Y/N in the hospital tomorrow and she wouldn’t suspect anything. Nobody would suspect anything. It was the perfect plan. With these thoughts I went to bed and I slept like a baby.

Your PoV

It was weird to be in hospital again, last time you were here you met Jacob. You smiled, when you thought about this first time. He was very charming and sympathetic. You remembered the first appointments, when he helped you to manage your self harm issues. You remembered when he helped you to get along with the world and during this process you really fell for him. You didn’t know what to do without him. You were really happy in this first time, sure, you still needed Jacob, you still loved him, he was there, when you needed him, but you didn’t felt like a good girlfriend. Sometimes you didn’t feel like you were enough for him, you couldn’t enjoy the love he gave you, you often thought about this, you couldn’t survive the loss of Jacob, you needed him.

Sunk in your thoughts you didn’t notice Beck entering the room. “Good morning, Y/N! How was your night?” she asked and you startled up “Oh… Beck! Good morning…” you said and smiled, this was crazy, you met this girl just one day before and she cared for you like a really good friend. “What’s the time?” you yawned and Beck giggled. “It’s early, a few minutes after eight. I thought, you would like some nice breakfast, so I got us something from the bakery… I don’t think hospital-food tastes that well…” You laughed. “Well, you are right.” You tried to stand up to sit at the desk together with Beck, but there were some cables which stopped you from doing so. “Okay, then let’s have breakfast in bed.” You suggested and you made some space, so Beck could sit in your bed with you.

Mishas PoV

It was Saturday. Like at every other convention our schedule didn’t start until tomorrow, so we had a lot of time to figure things out. Although I went to bed late, I couldn’t sleep much longer than 7 am. I wasn’t as nervous as I was yesterday, it was easier to keep calm and look forward to meeting Y/N today, there wasn’t that much that could go wrong anymore. After taking a long shower I called at the convention centre. “Hello, it’s Misha Collins… yes… yeah, I’m fine… no… no, I just wanted to ask you something… yes… ahm… it’s about an incident which happened yesterday… In the evening… yes… there was a woman, who collapsed at a panel… We called the ambulance… yes, exactly… I just wanted to ask in which hospital she was taken… Yes… okay… Thank you. Yeah, have a nice day. Bye.” That was easier than I thought. I smiled and looked at the address of the hospital. I put on a casual T-Shirt, my black jacket and a cap. I really loved our fans, but today I wanted to stay, well, unknown. I checked my tumblr app for some new information, but there wasn’t anything. Sure, she was waiting for a response from Dmitri. I smiled, maybe I would tell her today, maybe this whole hide-and-seek game was over soon. In this second you heard somebody leave his room next to you: “Ready?” Jensen asked and you really could hear the smile on his face. “Yeah. Ready.” I agreed and closed the room door behind me “Then, lets meet this mysterious lady. “ Jensen stated and I smiled.

Jensen got us a taxi; the ride to the hospital wasn’t that long. “Do you know what you want to say to her?” Jensen asked. I looked at him, he was wearing sunglasses and a black cap to stay anonymous and I smiled. “You look like some kind of famous guy trying to stay ‘undercover’” I said and we laughed. “I don’t know what to say, I just want to meet her. I want to see that she is good… I don’t know, if I’ll tell her who I am, to be honest...” Jensen nodded “How do you think she will react? I mean, if she doesn’t know about your double life, she just knows us as actors. Actors of her favourite TV-show. She will be more than surprised. “ I laughed… “Well, I guess we’ll find out in about 5 minutes, we are here.” I paid the taxi-driver and took a deep breath while I looked at the entrance of the hospital. When we entered I went to a guy who looked like he worked at the hospital. “Sorry, I’m looking for a young woman, who was brought here yesterday from the convention centre. She had a panic attack or something like that..” the guy eyed us “Are you family?” he asked and I shook my head “we helped her out yesterday and I just want to know she is well.” – “Well, so you don’t even know her? I think I can’t let you in.”

Suddenly Jensen came from behind me “We are family, just not the typical one, she’ll know us and we know her..” he said. I saw that the guy didn’t believe him. “So.. If you know her, can you tell me her full name?” the guy at the entrance asked and I opened my mouth to answer, but I…, well… I didn’t know. A moment there was silence, then the hospital-guy said “Family, huh.. I’m sorry guys, but I can’t let you in. There are rules.” I looked at him, I couldn’t say anything, this was just not possible. I saw Jensen talking to the hospital-guy, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. After a while the guy shook his head again, Jensen turned to me “This is a data protection thing, he said, that they had problems with the authorities. Maybe you can write her, that we are waiting out here? But then you would have to tell here that Dmitri and Misha are one person… I don’t know… What do you wanna do?” To be honest I thought about that as well. I could just tell her everything. She would be angry at me for lying, maybe she wouldn’t meet me ever again… Or I just… We could just leave the hospital, get back to the convention and I could keep writing her every now and then, playing Dmitri. “I need to think.. Give me five minutes.” I told Jensen and we sat down in the waiting area of the hospital. We just sat there. Jensen next to me. Nobody said a word. Nobody moved. Nothing happened. Everything seemed silent. “You said, we’ll get this.” I blamed Jensen. “Mish-“ he tried but in the next moment I stood up. “Let’s get back to the convention.. It makes no sense to wait here. Nobody knows we are here” I forced a smile “We’ll have another chance to meet her.. someday..”

Jensen still said nothing. He didn’t know what to say, after a few seconds he stood up as well. “Yeah.. Maybe that’s for the best. There will be another opportunity. Let’s go… “. We were heading to the door when we heard someone saying our names behind us “Is… is this real? Misha? Jensen?” somebody grasped. “Sorry. I didn’t want to bother you.. I just was… surprised.” There was a girl standing behind us, I looked at her shortly and forced a smile. “Hi.. nice to meet you..” I said but I couldn’t get myself to do some smalltalk. In that moment Jensen jumped in “Hey. So you know our names, but we don’t know yours. Can you help us out?” he asked and winked at her. She stared at us for a minute until she realized the question. “Ohh.. yeah. Sure.. I’m Beck.. “ she had to clear her throat “So.. what are you doing here? I mean… why aren’t you at the convention center?” she asked and Jensen looked at me for a brief moment “Oh.. there was an accident yesterday. During a panel. A girl passed out.. We wanted to be sure, that she is fine.” He said. At this moment I looked at the girl closer. I knew her, she looked familiar. “Beck? You… You were there yesterday?” I asked slowly. She nodded “You remember that?” she asked and her eyes widened. I smiled.. “Of course. You went with the ambulance, didn’t you? So you are visiting the girl as well?” she nodded… “She is called Y/N.” she said “And she is fine. Do you want to visit her?” Beck asked “I think she would be very happy, when you have a few minutes?” I didn’t look at Jensen, but I felt the smile on his face and I felt the smile, which grew bigger on mine. “That would be nice.” I said and Beck told us to follow her. We went a short way and a few moments later Beck knocked at a door “Y/N?” she asked and we heard a voice from the inside of the room “Beck.. I thought you wanted to go back to the convention? Did you forget something?” Beck laughed. “No.. I got you new company… and maybe I’ll stay here for a few more minutes.” She said and pointed us to come in. Jensen went first and close after him I also entered the room. “Hey Y/N” Jensen said smiling. I stared at her for a short moment and then I also started with a “Hello Y/N… how are you?”

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Tumblr Girl Part 15 is coming tomorrow.

I hope you are as happy as I am. :)

#spn #fanfic #tumblr girl #misha x reader

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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I’m Here. We’re Here.

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Song: Touch- Sleeping at last

Warnings: TW! Mentions of self harm! Swearing. Angst.

An: I know that this is a Doctor Who blog but I had this dream a long time ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. It. It helped me so much and the funny thing is was that I wasn’t even that much into Supernatural. I was just a casual fan. God I’m rambling again. I just hope that this will help someone out there like it did for me. And if this gets popular enough maybe I’ll do both DW and Supernatural on here. And I’m sorry that it’s a bit short.

Oh god I fucked up. I’ve fucked up big time. Stumbling out of the bathroom I fall to a heap on the floor, my back slamming against the wall as I breath in deeply. I thought I was done with this. I was doing good. So fucking good.

My legs sting as I run my hands across my thighs that burning sensation dulling my senses even more. The only focal point I have in this too dark a place. I draw my legs in close and cross my arms over my chest.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” With each word I smack my head against the wall anger bubbling up from my chest and spilling out past my abused lips. Screaming into the silence that no one else was there to break.

No one else there to help pull me out from the darkness I was drowning in.

It was so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid that I fell back on old habits. I knew I shouldn’t be beating myself up like this but God.

It was so fucking stupid.

My body trembles as I try to breathe. My chest heaving as if though I had just ran a marathon.

Sam and Dean weren’t here and wouldn’t be for hours to come. And I wasn’t about to call them just to talk about feelings or make them worry about me. It wasn’t a good reason for them to be concerned and I would feel to guilty to drag them into my mess.

As I hold my trembling hand into the light flooding from the bathroom I felt myself break. The light didn’t reach into the little corner I shoved myself in and it hit all to close to home.

I scream again.

And again.

I cry out into the night like a lost child looking for their mother. And maybe I was. Who the fuck knows. Maybe I was just calling out to anything that would hear me. Anything that would make me feel something other than anger.

At some point I stop screaming and rest my head on top of my knees and close my eyes. Listing to the quiet. I was tired. A heavy weight settling itself atop me. Pulling me down further than I already was.

“Y/n?” I pull into myself further and curse silently. “Y/n what’s wrong?” I felt Cass lay his hand on top of my head and I jerk back. Wincing when my head smacks against the wall behind me. His eyes grow wide when he see’s me. I more than likely look a mess. Eyes puffy from crying and trails running down my face from the tears. I know I bit to harshly on my lip at one point. My skins probably blotchy as well. It always does that when I get to upset.

“Y/n?” He tilts his head as his voice grows soft. I almost start crying again. Cass is on one knee in front of my. The light illuminating a halos light behind him. He almost seems to glow. And sure enough he’s on the right side of the light.

I pull back when he reaches his hand out again. I didn’t want him near me. Not now. Not in the dark.

“You can tell me. You know. Or do you want Dean and Sam instead?” I shook my head no.

“I fucked up Cass. I fucked up big time.” There was no use hiding it from him. He could read me like an open book. He sighs and grabs my hand.

“No. You didn’t.” I came out of my tight shell and got up on my knees so I could look him face to face.

“Yes. I did.” I swallow thickly as my voice threatens to give. My throat sore and scratchy making it hurt to talk. “I wanted to feel something more. And I fucked up. I fucked up badly and I can’t make it go away. No matter what I do. It won’t go away!” I smack my hands against his shoulders and fall back. Sitting on my heels as I begin crying anew.

Burrying my face into my hands I curl in on myself. I felt ashamed for crying in front of him. Oh god who wouldn’t? He was an angel of God. A man who has been alive since before Earth was even a thought. He has seen and done many terrible things.

What i’m going through now must seem so. So trivial.

“Stop.” Almost a whisper. His fingers rest underneath my chin and oh so gently lifts my head up to look at him. His eyes grew sad as they looked at me.

“Whatever you are telling yourself right now. Stop.”

“I-” He cuts me off with a furious glare.

“No. I know you and I know what’s going on in your head right now. And I know I’m not good with human emotions. Much less ones like your. But I do know what you’re telling yourself right now isn’t real. It isn’t you, y/n.” He brings his fingers up and presses them against my head.

My body shakes as warmth floods through. Fading away and leaving me a little less hollow. Cass cups my chin an runs his thumb just beneath my eyes. Getting rid of the tears.

“It’s hard now. I know. And I won’t lie an tell you that it’s going to be easy. Because its not. But I want you to know that you are worth much more than you think. You are here on this Earth for a reason. And it wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.” He pulls me in close and wraps his arms around me. I was to stunned to say or do anything.

I was touching the light.

“I’m here for you. Were’re here for you.” Cass runs his hand up and down my back before pulling away. “Don’t you ever forget that. Don’t you dare ever forget that again.”

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Reblog if you write fan fiction

Doesn’t matter if you write in a frequent basis, or once in a blue moon, just how many of us are there?

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Tumblr-Girl (Part 14)

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: you passed out, what now? Word Count: again ~2400 Warnings: panic attacks (!), angst, depression, mental illness and self doubt

Notes: YASS, a new chapter! I’ll love you for your feedback!

Part 1 Masterlist

Mishas PoV

Instead of waiting for the paramedics to come into the fully crowded room, I picked the girl from the floor and carried her outside, the girl who shouted for a doctor went with us. Jensen and Jared tried to clear the way and also to keep the people calm. I heard Jared talking loudly to the fans, so everybody could hear him “Please stay in there, guys. Rob and Rich are continuing their panel. Please give her some space and some respect. Please stay back. We got this.” While he was stopping the people from following us outside Rob and Rich started to do the same on the stage, they told everyone to stay calm and did their best to keep them entertained. At first some people looked disappointed, but soon they calmed down and as the doors were closed after us I could concentrate on the girl in front of me. I put her down on the floor and realized that she was breathing very quickly and her heart was pounding wildly. “I- I guess there were too many people.” Her friend, who followed us outside said.

“What’s her name?” I asked and she told me that the girl was called Y/N. I jumped for a moment, but then I thought about it, it had to be a huge coincidence if it was THE Y/N. No, that couldn’t be her. I took of my jacket and put it under her head. “The paramedics have to be here soon. She will be okay”, I tried a smile “What about you? What’s your name?” the girl couldn’t look away from the girl lying on the floor. “I’m Beck.” She answered slowly. “And I think it’s my fault that she passed out. I told her to come to this panel. I didn’t know you were here. I thought there would be less people. I knew she was overwhelmed with the situation.” She started to talk without pausing. She just stared at the girl on the floor.

I stood up and went up to her “Look at me, Beck. It’s not your fault. Y/N will be good.” As I said that the paramedics turned up, they checked Y/Ns body functions and reflexes and then said “Looks like a heavy panic attack. We’ll take her to the hospital, but she should wake up soon and normally she should be able to leave the hospital by tomorrow. “ I nodded. The paramedics put Y/N on a stretcher and brought her outside. “C-can I come with her?” Beck asked “I think I’m the only one she knows at the con…” one of the paramedics looked at her for a few seconds and then agreed “It will be good for her to know somebody, when she wakes up” he said and Beck ran after them, after a few meters she turned to me and smiled “Thanks so much for helping.” Then she ran off to the car.

I looked at her until the ambulance left the convention center, then I turned back to Jensen who stood next to the door and talked to a security guard. “She’ll be good.” I said as he looked at me questioning. “Panic attack, probably because of the loads of people.” Jensen nodded and patted my shoulder. “We should tell Rob, Rich and Matt that she will be good. But I guess it’s better to go backstage to avoid the attention.” I said nothing, but I knew he was right and so we went backstage and waited until one of the guys saw us, it just took a few moments until Rich went up to us “Is she alright?” he asked and Jensen told him a short version of what happened. Rich nodded. “Ok.. good. Thanks for helping her out guys.” He said and shot us a smile then he went back on stage. He whispered something to Rob and Matt and as they nodded they kept taking questions and entertaining the people. Jensen started to walk away “I guess we should get some rest. They will finish without us. You coming?” I stared at the stage; she had to sit down there, somewhere in the crowd. But Jensen was right, there was nothing to do for us at the moment. We had to wait and hope that everything was working out. So I joined Jensen. He shot a short message to Jared, who was still at the stage with the other guys, and told him that we were leaving.

We didn’t talk the whole way up. When we got to our rooms Jensen looked at me “I think I’ll order some room service. I’m not in the mood to go out tonight. You wanna join?” I smiled “Yeah. I thought about that as well. I’m just putting my jacket and everything in my room, I’ll be here in a minute.” While I walked up to my own room I checked my phone. More specifically I checked my tumblr-account. I wanted to know if Y/N was here and as soon as I opened the app I saw the notification sign. My heart rate increased.

“WOW. I’m here. I mean, at this very moment I am at the hotel, because there are really a LOT of people.”

I smiled, she was here, I would really meet her this weekend. I kept reading the text, she said something about her plans for the weekend, that was good, so I could check if everything was going like planned.

“Nevertheless, I was there for a few hours and I’m looking forward to the R2M panel today. To be honest I had to pick a few things, I don’t think I will be able to attend the whole convention, it’s too loud and too busy there. But I guess, if I choose the right things I can do that! J […]”

I stopped. It sounded like she wanted to pick events, with less people. No. My panel was one of the best visited of the con, that couldn’t happen. She had to be at your panel. She said something about the R2M panel today, but she didn’t mention my panel at all. Would the whole plan go wrong? I put the phone away without reading the whole text. No that wasn’t possible, I planned everything, it had to work out.It couldn’t just go wrong. No. I left the phone in my room and went to Jensen to order some food. I will find a solution for this problem. But I have to get myself distracted, just for a moment.

Your PoV

You woke up slowly, there was a terrible pain in your ankle and you had a dull headache. You tried to open your eyes, but everything was dazzlingly bright. Something was pressed at your face and you felt panic creep up inside you. You tried to push this thing from your face but your arms were quite heavy. Suddenly somebody reached out for your hand. “Y/N… It’s okay. You will be fine. Shhhh.. You have to stay calm. I’m here. You remember me? I’m Beck. Shhh..” a voice said. You tried to locate where the voice came from and recognized a girl who was smiling at you. She held your hand and you just looked at her as you saw something move on the other side of your body. Instantly you began to cry and scream hysterically, you broke away and lashed out. You ripped the thing off your face and wanted to get up but you realized that your legs and your body were fixed. “NOO! LET ME GO!” you yelled at the girl and you tried to free yourself from the straps that were fixing you but in the next moment a man gripped you at your wrists and tried to steady you “shhhh.. Y/N, you are safe. Just a few more minutes, we’ll be there soon. No one is going to hurt you.” You looked at him but you didn’t stop panicking. You felt tears well up in your eyes and slowly your sight blurred, but you couldn’t calm down. A few seconds later you felt a cold pain at your left arm. You cried but slowly you started to black out again, the last thing you realized was this thing that was pressed against your face again and in the background you heard someone sobbing.

When you woke up again you laid in a bed, your ankle still hurt. Your throat was dry and you heard a familiar beeping-sound. You instantly know where you were – hospital. You remembered your last stay, when you met Jacob, and you smiled. So much has happened since then. Slowly you tried to open your eyes, you were prepared for the bright and medical atmosphere. There was a needle in your armpit, you groaned. You saw some bruises at your wrists and arms and also some marks where you were fixed on the stretcher. “Ouch.” You whispered to yourself. Everything hurts, your head, your arms, your ankle.

“You are awake!” somebody said sounding tired, “I waited here, I thought that nobody wants to be in hospital alone” she continued. You said nothing, but you nodded. “You will be okay. The doctor said your ankle isn’t broken, but you ruptured your ligaments when you fell on the floor in the convention center. You’ll need a splint for a few weeks and for the first week some crutches.” She told you and you nodded again. “Thank you, Beck. For staying here with me, but you don’t have to do this. You will miss the whole convention.” You felt guilty and you couldn’t look at Beck. “I’m sorry for being a burden to you. I’ll be alright, you can go back to the con.” You told her and again tears welled up in your eyes, but then you felt someone reaching out for your hand. “This fandom is not just fandom Y/N, we are family.” She smiled. “So I will stay here as long as you need me. You know who carried you out of the convention room – it was Misha Collins himself. Because we are family, Y/N. We all are a very crazy kind of family. We care for each other and we have each other’s back.” She gave your hand a squeeze and you didn’t know what to respond. You never had this kind of family. A tear rolled down your cheek. “Thank you.” You whispered. Beck told you more about what happened, and you couldn’t believe it. It was surreal to you that someone would care for you like they all did. Some time later you saw that your phone laid on your nightstand and you quickly checked the time. It was late, it was dark outside and in the next moment I nurse came in and checked your data and your levels. “Good, I think you have to stay tonight for observation, if your levels stay this good you can leave soon, maybe tomorrow or on Sunday.” She said. Then she looked at Beck “She is doing good, I’m looking after her, you can go home for the night and get here again tomorrow. Visiting hours are over.” She stared at her, then at you and then she agreed. “Good. Y/N, I’ll get here tomorrow morning to check on you.” She again gave your hand a squeeze. “Sleep well! See you tomorrow. And thanks again, Beck!” you answered and returned her squeeze.

When she and the nurse left your room you took your mobile phone and checked your e-mails. There was a new text message from Jacob, he asked how your first convention day was. You thought about how to tell him everything, but you didn’t want him to freak out and never allow you to go anywhere alone again, so you just wrote “It was nice. I met some really nice people. Looking forward to tomorrow. Have a good night! <3” After that you checked your tumblr. You were a bit disappointed when you saw that Dmitri hasn’t replied since your last text, but on the other hand you couldn’t expect him to be online the whole day. You opened a new message and started to write:

“Dmitri!

There was a lot of chaos today. I don’t know where to start. It was crazy. I think I’ll never forget my first convention-day, even if I don’t remember an important part of it. J You have to know I’m quite anxious about big groups of people, as I told you earlier today, so I decided to see the R2M panel with this girl I met, Beck. But somehow Jensen, Jared an Misha crashed the panel and after a short time the room was completely full with people, because normally they aren’t showing up on Friday. So there were a lot of people and I couldn’t breathe anymore it was just too much, too overwhelming. Do you know how this feels? I hope you don’t. I guess I just panicked and passed out. Beck said that I fell like a sack of potatoes. And guess what happened. To be honest I can’t remember that, but Beck told me, so I guess it’s true. When Beck shouted into the room for help, nobody less than Misha, Jensen and Jared jumped off the stage and tried to help me. Misha even picked me up and carried me outside. He cared for me while the others tried to keep the crowd calm and entertained. I would love to meet them in person and say thanks to them. But even if I could get out of hospital until Sunday, there won’t be a chance for me to speak to them. I still can’t believe that these people care about me. I thought I was just another fan, I… I don’t know what to say. It's crazy.

Dmitri, probably you aren’t interested in all these stories. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell it to somebody. I don’t know, sorry for the unnecessary talking. Tell me something about your weekend, how are you? What are you doing?

I’m looking forward to your message!

Love, Y/N”

You read about the text before you sent it and you had to smile. It really was a crazy, crazy day. You couldn’t believe it yourself. After you sent the message you put your phone away and tried to sleep.

Part 15

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Tumblr-Girl (Part 13)

I don’t own the picture of Misha, if it’s yours please tell me.

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: the convention Word Count: ~2400 Warnings: just a few little mentions of panic attacks, angst, depression, mental illness and self doubt

Notes: I’d be glad for your feedback!

Part 1 Masterlist

Your POV

It was real. You were here. You dreamt of it since you realized that such conventions existed. It was real. It was real. It was real. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t dreaming. That all this was really happening. There was a smile tugged on your face when you went to the entrance, lots of people were in a queue, many dressed up as monsters, which on some point were on the show. You saw the legendary scarecrow, vampires, werewolfes, and so many more. Most of the costumes were incredible. You couldn’t look away. You just wore a normal black T-shirt and jeans. Nothing special, you didn’t have the time to think about a costume and even if you loved the show, you didn’t like cosplay that much. Next to the nearly perfect costumes of the other people you felt a bit out of place, maybe you would buy a fan-shirt or something on the merch-table later.

You didn’t really know how everything worked, so you tried to figure it out by watching the crowd. Suddenly somebody tapped on your shoulder “Everything alright? You seem a bit lost.” Somebody asked you. You jumped when you felt the touch and turned around “Whoa. Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you” the girl said at your reaction. She had a heartwarming smile on her lips and you tried to smile back “No, no problem, I was a bit sunk in my thoughts. I can’t realize that all of this is real.” You replied. “It’s my first convention and I have kinda no plan what to do. I read some information on the internet, but it’s all bigger and a lot more confusing than I had imagined” The girl laughed and nodded “If you want I can show you around, I was at conventions a few times and I know it can be overwhelming for somebody who hasn’t experienced one before.” “Yeah, that sounds nice.” You said, the people here were – like Dmitri said – more than friendly. “So, first of all. I’m Rebecca or you can call me Beck, if you want.” She introduced herself, again you nodded, but you didn’t say anything. You were sunk in your thoughts. “Yeah… I don’t wanna be curious, but if we will be hanging out together, it would be nice to know how I can call you.” she stated laughing. “Oh.. yes, sorry. I’m so sorry. My name is Y/N. ” you said embarrassed, you felt your head turning red and you looked at your feet. You were not able to manage the easiest talk. You felt tears well up in your eyes and you tried not to show your shame. But Rebecca seemed not to care about that gaffe and slowly started to make her way to the entrance. “Alright, so Y/N, you got your ticket?” she asked when she pulled her ticket out of her bag. You showed her your ticket, which you held in your hand since you were standing here. “Good. Therefore, you have to check in over there. I got a different category, I have to check in here, but I’ll wait for you inside. Okay?” she looked at you when you didn’t react immediately “It’s not that difficult, you can do that!” she encouraged you and shot you a little smile. “See you inside, Y/N”. Rebecca turned around and lined up at the entrance.

You were completely lost in your thoughts when you looked for the right line to enter the convention, there was so much going on, you were not sure if you could do that. Not for an entire weekend. When you found the right line, it all went very fast, one of the workers looked at your ticket, nodded and shove you into the room. It was a big hall, you didn’t know how to find Beck in this crowd, you looked around – nothing. Maybe she just walked away, she didn’t even know you, why should she wait for someone like you to show you around, she could just enjoy the convention on her own. She probably even knew some of the people here.

“Y/N!” somebody shouted, you turned around and tried to spot where it came from “Y/N!” you couldn’t see anybody until Beck stood in front of you “Hey. y/n. Are you ready? I know, there are many people, I hope that’s not a big problem for you. I’m afraid you have to roll with it.” You did not know what to say. Honestly, you imagined far less chaos, and far less people. “I think I’ll be okay, it’s just a little different to what I expected.” You told Beck and she smiled. “But the people are really nice. You will love them,” she said “come here, I’ll show you around.” You went with her into the building and tried to remember the locations, but soon you lost orientation and just followed Beck. “Are you here alone? Or are you meeting other people at the con?” Beck asked you, while you were standing in line at the restrooms. “I’m alone; I got the ticket from a friend, who couldn’t attend the con.” You explained, “That’s nice of him” Beck answered, “I’d like to have a friend like that.” She laughed.

Both of you decided to eat something before the program on the stage started, after Beck showed you around. Just after this little part you were really exhausted. “I don’t know if I can do the whole convention.” you said and Beck looked at you “I understand. It’s a lot. The people are so passionate and there are really a lot of them. Maybe you should pick a few items on the programme, which you really want to see and keep it steady the rest of the day. It can’t be fun if you are struggling most of the time.” She said and you thought about it. “Yeah.. that sounds like a plan. Wait, I think I got a program with me…” you pulled out a piece of paper, you printed the program at home, you wanted to be prepared for your first (and how it looked at the moment maybe last) convention.

“You should really watch Rob, Rich and Matt, they are so cute and funny and there won’t be too many people because there are Photo Ops are at the same time.” Beck suggested and you agreed “Yeah.. I don’t have a ticket for a photo-op so that sounds good.” You marked the R2M on your plan. “I really want to Jared, Jensen and Misha at least once. But I know their panels are probably the most crowded events at the whole weekend.” Beck nodded. “But they are really worth it.” She said. “Yeah.. I guess I’ll try at least one of their panels, maybe I can do better than I expect now.” You looked at the plan and circled a J2 panel. Beck looked at your plan “That looks good to me. So if you stay with your plan, your first panel starts in about two hours. You can relax at your hotel room until then. Then she took the pen and the paper with the schedule and scribbled something. “That’s my number. Call me, when you are coming back here. We can watch the panel together, if you want.” She gave you back the paper und stood up. “You know how you get to the hotel?” you nodded. “Okay, then… See you later, Y/N” Beck waved at you and disappeared in the crowd. Wow. Dmitri was fully right; the people here were close like a family.

You left the convention center and walked to your hotel. You got a little room, but it was nice and you could calm down a little. You thought about everything that has happened until now and decided to tell Dmitri about it.

“Hello Dmitri,

WOW. I’m here. I mean, at this very moment I am at the hotel, because there are really a LOT of people. Nevertheless, I was there for a few hours and I’m looking forward to the R2M panel today. To be honest I had to pick a few things, I don’t think I will be able to attend the whole convention, it’s too loud and too busy there. But I guess, if I choose the right things I can do that! J

And you were right, the people here are incredible. There is this girl, Beck, who helped me the whole day with getting to know everything. She really looked after me, that was so nice, I wish you were here to get to know her, I think you would like her!

Yeah, I guess, I just wanted to give you a short update on my convention experience so far. I hope you are well and you are getting more details soon.

Love, Y/N”

You pressed the SEND-Button, set a timer so you wouldn’t miss the panel and then put your mobile-phone away. After that, you tried to find comfort between the lines of your book. You really enjoyed being by yourself, you didn’t have to expect Jacob stopping by and wanting something of you, you could really do what you wanted, you haven’t had this for quite a time. After you calmed down you looked at the time, ten minutes until your alarm would go off, you decided to text Beck “Getting there in about 10min. Maybe we could meet up?” then you put your shoes took your bag and went back to the convention center. The panel you picked started in about 20 minutes, but if you wanted to find Beck in this crowd you needed to calculate some extra time.

It wasn’t as complicated as you expected it to be to find Beck in the crowd. She looked happy. “Good to see you back here. I met some other people I know from previous conventions I attended. If you want I could introduce you after the panel” she smiled. “Yes, that sounds good, I’m excited, it’s the very first panel for me” you said and Beck leaded you into the room to a nice place where not too many people were sitting. “I hope you’ll enjoy it” she said, then music started to play and Rob, Rich and Matt got on the stage.

Mishas PoV

I was still nervous. I wouldn’t meet Y/N until tomorrow, I arranged a little dinner which would take place with 6 fans, 5 of them random chosen and y/n, so she wouldn’t expect anything. I did such meetings many times, so it wasn’t something unusual for a convention. Nobody would care, nobody would detect my plan. I decided to give away the 6 tickets tomorrow during my panel. I was sure y/n would be at as many panels as possible, and I remembered the ticket number of the ticket I sent to her, so I was quite sure that my plan would work out.

Today Jensen and Jared kept me busy and we decided to crash the R2M panel, it started in about 10 minutes. We were sitting in the green room together, it didn’t happen that often that we were on a convention the whole weekend, normally we arrived later. But it was nice to recognize how everybody was connected; even the fans seemed to know each other. “Maybe we should do this more often” I said to Jared, I knew how much Jensen and Jared cared for the fans and how much they loved them. “Yeah, I’d like that. I like it when we got some time to really feel the convention-spirit. I really miss that, when we are coming just for our panels.” Jared agreed “And besides that I love to keep up with the rest of the cast. The last time I really talked to Rob or Rich before this weekend feels like an eternity away.” Jensen added smiling. “Speaking of those two…” Jared started and looked at the time “Their panel started 20min ago, I think it’s time to say hello” Jensen laughed “Okay.. Then, let’s go!” he took his jacket and waited for Jared and me to follow him.

When we were backstage I asked one of the workers for a microphone, after a confused look I tried to explain our little plan and after a few more minutes he got us a mic. Jared acted like a child on Christmas and I had to force myself to not break into laughter. Jensen took the microphone and when Rob asked a fan to ask the next question he jumped in. He tried to disguise his voice and asked “To which demon did you sell your soul to work with the three funniest guys on TV. ” Rob looked confused. He looked at the fan who was standing at the mic but she looked shocked “that wasn’t me” she whispered into the microphone. Rob looked to the other side of the room and the guy who stood there also shook his head. Then Rich grabbed his arm and whispered something. Rob nodded and laughed, then Rich took the microphone and said “I guess it had to be someone really vicious, because the ten years we got are clearly over and instead of hell hounds, which would be gracious, he sent us this three dorks to mess up our scenes.”

Jensen couldn’t hold himself and busted in laughter. There was a bit more of joking around but then we got on the stage. There were many people entering the room, it was a mess. Rob looked at us and rolled his eyes, but then he laughed. We joked around a bit when we heard a girl’s voice. First I didn’t understand what she was shouting, but then it got clearer “Is a doctor around? We need a doctor! Please call the ambulance.” We looked at each other for a moment then I jumped of the stage and run towards the voice. Jensen and Jared came directly behind me. “What’s wrong?” I asked the woman, who was shouting, but then I saw somebody on the floor “I think she passed out.” The girl said and pointed on the floor.

Part 14

Tags (If you want to be tagged - write me!):

#fandom #spn #fanfic #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #supernatural family #misha #Misha Collins #misha x reader #convention #fanart #fan #creative writing #supernatural rp

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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What a wonderful little story ✨

The Time We Wasted

I found this in my drafts having never actually posted it like last year.

Rob x Reader

1,165 words

Flangst

Notes: Forgot I finished this! It survived being deleted by the baby lol. I actually got this idea from one of @natasha-cole ‘s prompts. The line was ‘Oh my God can you please shut the fuck up?’

***

‘And you’re saying everyone knows this?’ You asked Billy.

He looked a little uncomfortable now and shrugged.

‘I mean … it’s kind of obvious.’

Your mind was racing.

‘Do people… I mean do you guys like… talk about it? With Rob?’ You shifted uncomfortably.

Billy ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

‘He has no idea.’

You relaxed a little.

‘But… I’m pretty sure Rich is gonna talk to him.’

‘What?’ You felt the colour drain from you. ‘I have to find him.’

You hurried out of the room to find Rich.

‘Y/N!’ Billy called after you weakly.

It didn’t take long to find them. They were in the hotel bar, beers in hand.

You slowed and stopped when you got near, heart pounding in your chest. What if you were too late? What would you even say?

It seemed your timing was impeccable.

‘Robbie, she’s crazy about you. How can you not see it?’

Keep reading

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fanficcollection · 4 years ago

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Promotion Work (Part 5)

Promotion Work (series)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Pairing: Rob Benedict x reader Summary: Saturday at the convention Word Count: 2100 Warnings: mental breakdown, alcohol

Notes: I was really productive today and wrote this whole chapter! It’s not beta-read, but I hope it’s quite ok as it is.. Please leave feedback! :)

_______________________________

After adjusting the volume of the loudspeakers and checking the mics you were ready and gave the sign to one of the volunteers that everything was ready and the panels could start. Just 2 minutes later Rich entered the stage and greeted the crowd. They were screaming and clapping their hands, for them Rich really was a super-star and you had to smile. It was crazy how normal your friendship was, although he and Rob were such famous guys, it was adorable how grounded they were in spite of their success. You looked down on you, you had changed in the Louden Swain shirt before the sound-checks, it was a white T-shirt with a print looking like the band-members falling and a little text saying ‘Louden Swain’. In fact you really liked the design. They in some way looked like they were flying.

During the panel you were focussed on the technic, so the people could really enjoy the people talking, after Rob and Richs start, there were many more panels, but in fact you just needed to do the setup and told another assistant how to adjust the volume, if that was necessary. When you walked back to the green room you could feel something was different between you and the guys. You sat down next to them, you sensed that you really hurt them, when you first refused the shirt. For some moments you said nothing. Suddenly your phone rang. You saw the number of the radio station where you were working.

“Hello, Cloe what’s up?” you answered the phone. “Where are you Y/N? Why aren’t you here?” she asked in a harsh voice. “It’s Saturday, I don’t work today. “ you answered in a shaky voice. She sounded upset, something happened. Rob watched your conversation, but you couldn’t notice anything other than the voice coming from the speaker. “Wrong. You have your day off at Sunday. Did you ever read your contract?” Cloe scolded you. “Also you left far too early yesterday. Is this job just some joke to you.” She kept going. Tears welled up in your eyes. “Sorry, Cloe. I…” you looked at the time, it was already noon.

“We saw some pictures of you on the internet, did you leave for a TV-convention?” Cloe asked, but she didn’t gave you time to answer. “Honestly.. Y/N… what did you think?” Your mouth was dry and you couldn’t say anything. “Cloe… I… I can be there in an hour.” You tried with a broken voice. “No, Y/N. That’s not necessary. You don’t have to come here. Like ever again.”

When you heard this words, you couldn’t breathe. “Please… Cloe.. I need this job.” You pressed out, tears now streaming down your cheeks. “You should have thought about his earlier. Bye, Y/N” she told you and ended the call. You starred at your phone. What the f… just happened? You couldn’t control your emotions anymore, without looking at anybody you stood up and left the room. You needed some space, you don’t know where you were heading, but you needed to get away. Eventually you sat down in a silent corner, buried your face in your hands and just cried. That couldn’t be true, you needed this job, you needed the money, you didn’t know how to get by without this money. Your whole world just broke down.

You didn’t know how long you were sitting there, when suddenly something touched your shoulder. “Are you dead?” a shy voice asked. You slowly looked up, a little girl stood in front of you. “I guess not.” You said silently and tried to smile. “But you are sad. I can see that, you were crying.” She deducted “My dad says it’s okay to be sad sometimes.” She then continued. “But I don’t want you to be sad.” The little girl came closer and hugged you when you heard someone ask loudly “Maison, what are you doing? I told you not to run away again.”

The girl stepped back a bit. “I found a friend, Daddy. But she is sad, so I said that’s okay to be sad.” She said and gripped your hand. When the man came closer to see what the girl meant you wiped away your tears. “I’m sorry, I just…” you tried to answer, but you didn’t know what to say. Again tears welled up in your eyes. But the man just smiled, sat down on the floor next to you an took Maison, the girl on his lap. “Like Maison said, it’s okay to be sad.” He smiled and just sat there. “You don’t have to sit here. You surely have better things to do” you sobbed. “Maison said, that you are her friend, and friends shouldn’t be alone, when they are sad.” He reassured and Maison still held your hand. “So, I’m Misha, and I would be happy if you want to be my friend as well.” He introduced himself. You stared at him, then you nodded “I’m Y/N”. You didn’t know anything else to say, so you just stayed silent for a moment.

There was so much going on in your head, but you couldn’t say anything. “Daddy. Why isn’t she saying anything” Maison asked her Dad “I think she just needs some time.” He answered and looked at you “But she knows that we are her friends, and we are here, if she wants to say anything.” You nodded and smiled slightly, but then everything hit you again and you started to cry like before, you would lose everything, your little room, your place at university, your friends. You put your head on your knees and couldn’t yourself together. Misha carefully put his arm around you “It’s okay.” He whispered, “It’s okay.”

He waited there, next to you until you had your things together again. “Maison, could you get our friend something to drink, you know where you can get something.” Maison nodded and ran away, happy she could help with something. “Thank you” you whispered and leaned into his shoulder. “Wanna talk about what happened?” he asked kindly, a few more tears rolled down your cheeks. “I guess I just lost my job.” You sobbed and you started to tremble a little. “Shhh.. It’s okay.. I got you.” Maison returned with a bottle of soda. “Here Y/N. It’s my favourite.” She smiled and gave you the bottle. “Thank you, Maison. You are a true hero” you told her when you took the bottle.

“Y/N? Where are you?” you heard a well-known voice. “Y/N?” Rob sounded desperate, when he saw Misha he acted surprised “Misha, why are you sitting…” Maison stood up and waved to Rob “Hello Robbie! Dad said I could come here with him.” She smiled. Rob painfully smiled at her, when he saw you sitting next to Misha.

“Y/N!” Rob grasped. “Thank God!” He came closer, sat down at the floor. “Everything okay?” he asked, when he saw your red, swollen eyes. “Y/N is my friend now!” Maison said proudly. “I found her and I got her my favourite drink!” Misha smiled “You did very well, Maison.” He pulled her close gently and placed a kiss on her head. “I’m so proud of you”, he said. “But I think Robbie is also a friend of Y/N.”

You looked at Rob. You still didn’t know his last name. He seemed relieved and sad at the same time. “It’s okay.” You answered. You didn’t want him to know that your whole life is crumbling. He looked at you and you knew he didn’t believe you, but you couldn’t tell him anything. You lost your job because you came here and you came here because of Rich and him.

“Maison, I think we should take our bags to our room.” Misha told his daughter. “I guess there will be more time for you to spend time with your friend. Robbie will be here for her. And we will see her later. Promise.” He winked at you, took Maisons hand and they left.

When the two of them were gone Rob gently took your hand and said nothing. He just was there, sometimes he hummed a silent melody until it dawned to me “What’s with the convention?” you asked. “Rich and Matt are doing the host thing at the moment. I had to know that you were okay. You looked terrified when you left the Green Room. I was worried.” You looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry” you admitted. “for rushing off. It was just…” you looked at the floor again “…it was just too much.” Rob sat next to you and softly pulled you into a hug and said nothing. “And I really like your shirt.” You smiled and he smiled as well. “That’s good, ‘cause I really want to wear it to the concert tonight.”

The rest of the day went by very quickly. Sure, you still thought a lot about how your life would go on, but on the other hand you wanted to enjoy the weekend. You couldn’t do anything about your problems now, so you could try to forget them, at least for tonight. Sometimes you caught Rob or Rich gazing at you, but you didn’t say anything about your breakdown.

You learned, that Misha, Maisons Dad, was in fact one of the most famous actors of the show, along with two very nice guys called Jensen and Jared, who arrived later in the evening. In the afternoon you played a bit with Maison and watched some of the panels. Before the concert there was some free time for getting ready, since you still had no room on your own you again walked into the room with Rob and Richard. “Could you stop looking at me like that” you said, when you saw Richards glance. “I’m okay. Really.” They both nodded, but you felt, that they still didn’t believe you.

They put on some fresh clothes for the concert, this time more basic things. T-Shirts and Jeans. When it was time for the soundcheck you headed downstairs, everything went well, the crowd was so happy with them. And you, once again, were impressed how different those guys were on the stage.

After the last song you turned off the speakers and the microphone, shut down the whole system and left the room. You were ready to head home and wanted to say goodbye to everybody, when Rob came and looked confused “What are you doing? You promised, you would stay for some drinks tonight” you smiled knowing “I know, but…”

“No, please. You promised! I’m sure we find something where you can stay. You can stay in my bed – I’ll sleep on the couch. Or something like that. But please stay.” He pleaded.

“Rob..” you tried to answer, but suddenly a bunch of people passed, including Richard “Are you ready?” Rich asked you. “We are heading to a very comfy bar for a beer, or two…” he smiled and then took your hand, so you couldn’t say no. “But..” you tried a last time, but Rich smiled and said “It will be a nice evening, sugar. We got you.”

When Rich noticed, that you wouldn’t leave, he released your hand. The bar was, like Rich said, very cozy, shortly after the whole group got there, Rich left to pick up drinks for everybody. He came back with some beer, you thought about it, but then took one, like Rob said, there will be some place to stay and you felt like you needed that beer now. It was a very nice evening, a bit like the evening, when you met the band for the first time. After a while the alcohol was kicking in and it was easier for you to forget what happened. You were dancing with Sebastian and Matt, every once in a while somebody gave you something new to drink and so the evening went by.

Little by little the people left until just Rich, Rob and you were left. “I think it’s time to go” Rich said and you shook your head. Rich gently took your hand “Come on, Y/N, it’s late.” – “I don’t wanna go” you whined, but as Rob took your other hand and they both guided you to the exit you went with them. “Thank you, guys.” You babbled “This was a great last weekend. “ you smiled. Rob looked at you “What do you mean?” he asked. “I mean, I guess, I will live on the street from now on, I lost my jo…” you stumbled and fell hard, you scraped your knee and your left hand. It hurt “Ouch.. Why is all this happening to me” you mumbled. Rich and Rob looked at each other for a moment before the helped you up and brought you back to the hotel.

Tag-List:

@chantelle-c333 @awolfamongstus @jannalionheart @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @evyiione @destielschild @xx-melissa-x @kcam1621@captainsherlockwinchester110283 @crowley-you-sinnamon-roll @nekodresden85 @dont-hate-relate-pls @littleshone @laffytaffyhumor @waywardswain @sarahbaker2010 @bcarolinablr @wolfie-spn-weirdo

I don’t know why, but tumblr doesn’t let me tag all of you, I’m sorry.

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fanficcollection · 5 years ago

Text

Tumblr-Girl (Part 12)

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: the convention is getting closer Word Count: 2.000

Warnings: self doubt, rape, implied rape, abuse, mental abuse Notes: not beta-read, all the mistakes are my own

Here it is you wonderful people, I’m already working on the next part, stay tuned.

Part 1 Masterlist

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Mishas POV

Time went by, Jensen helped me to organize things. On the one hand it seemed to be easy, a normal ticket, and a normal hotel room, but on the other hand we had come up with an idea to meet Y/N without her suspecting anything. However I was looking forward to this convention, I was curious about meeting the girl I was writing with for ages. I mean, it felt like I knew her better than some of my friends. As the weekend was coming up I was getting more nervous, what if anything went wrong? What if I couldn’t find her in the amount of people? The idea was completely insane. And should I tell her who I was? Would she treat me differently than before? I loved the SPNFamily, but it was difficult to think how she would react, when I revealed myself. On the one hand she was a big fan, as she said herself, on the other hand I lied to her, the whole time. Would she trust me ever again? Maybe I should just stay quiet about my identity. Maybe for her I should stay Dmitri. Maybe the whole idea was stupid. What if it destroyed everything?

Your POV

As the weeks passed there formed something like a daily routine in your life and most days you were doing good. Jacob was at your place nearly every day. Sometimes he took you out for dinner or to other typical couple-stuff. He often assured you that he loved you and you needed to hear that. You loved the moments when his hand reached out for yours or when you ended up making out on the couch after a nice evening. But you always hated “loving each other”. You always thought that it would be a good feeling, but it always hurt and you felt dirty and not good after it at all. But Jacob seemed to like it and you didn’t want to lose him. You loved him. And he loved you. Since you got the coil he got very possessive, he wanted to know when you were out and where you were going. At first you liked that he showed interest in your day, he seemed to care about you. But sometimes this could be very annoying. Often he didn’t allow meet ups with some university-friends, because there were boys among them and he was afraid he would lose you, at least he explained it that way. He was very jealous and often he had to “prove” you that you were his girl. Although you often reassured him, that you would never leave him, he never seemed to believe you. So you did everything to make him believe, even if you didn’t like it. Even if it hurt you.

You got used to cover the bruises, Jacob left on your body. In the past you hid self-harm scars, it wasn’t too difficult. One time, when you went out without telling him, he got very mad at you. He held you very firmly, didn’t let you go, he pressed you against the wall in the kitchen until you couldn’t breathe anymore. Then he said “I thought you were gone, I thought you left.”. He looked you in the eyes and you felt tears starting to well up. Slowly and very quietly he whispered “You promised to stay with me, forever.” He looked angry, maybe a bit hurt, but mostly angry “Never do that again.” He said. “I’ll find you and I’ll bring you back. You are mine.” You nodded, tears streaming down your face. He loosed the grip and you fell forward into his arms, he hugged you tightly, kissed your face. “I love you, babe.” He said. You were unable to say anything. He kissed you again, more demanding this time. “You love me as well, do you?” he asked, pushing your chin up, so you had to look him in the eyes. Tears still blurred your sight, but you nodded. “Say it.” He commanded and you did, what he wanted “I love you.” He smiled. “That’s my girl.” After that he kissed you again and his hands wandered under your shirt. You knew what he wanted now and you didn’t dare to fight it. You closed your eyes and hoped that it would be over quickly.

You were nervous as the convention came closer, you didn’t know how to tell Jacob you were travelling there alone. But he had to work, so he couldn’t come with you and he wasn’t even interested in the show. Dmitri sent you the link to a Print-at-home-con-ticket and as he suggested you donated some money to Random Acts. You thought about this, maybe he wanted to stay anonymous, he didn’t want to give his bank-numbers to some stranger he met on the internet. You couldn’t help but be a little disappointed, but maybe he really didn’t need the money. Time passed and you had to come up with an explanation for Jacob. After you thought about dozens of possibilities how to get away for a weekend, you decided to stick with the truth. The only thing you wouldn’t mention was the fact, that you were still texting Dmitri. You would just say you bought the tickets a few months ago with all your savings. After all, he knew that Supernatural was your favourite TV-show, it wouldn’t be that suspicious.

When you talked to Jacob at the evening, about two weeks before the convention he wasn’t excited about it, but he took it better than you thought he would. He nodded and said something about fan-culture and a waste of money, but he then just took a sip of his beer and turned on his favourite show, which you couldn’t stand. You placed a light kiss on his cheek and went to the bedroom to read some pages before going to sleep. In the middle of the night Jacob joined you, you smelled the alcohol in his breath, when he kissed your neck. “You’re awake, babe?” he whispered. You were, but you didn’t respond and acted as you were asleep. When he didn’t get an answer, his hand wandered under your shirt up to your breast, he pulled you closer, but then he stopped, put his hand back down on your stomach and fell asleep. You were glad and after some minutes you, as well, dozed away.

Mishas PoV

The following days flew by. I set up everything, but my doubt still remained. What if this plot twist was too much for her? What if she didn’t want to have anything to do with me? Or what if she would make this whole thing public? I haven’t done anything wrong, but still I didn’t want it to go viral. What if she was a crazy fan, who would turn into some stalker? My brain thought of the weirdest scenarios, but still I had to see her. I left the door open to stay under my cover-name, but I would really like to tell her the truth.

As the convention came closer I got more and more nervous. I talked to the Con-staff and my plan seemed to work out. This con Jensen and I already arrived at Thursday. We got the whole weekend off and Jensen knew how nervous I was about this convention. On Thursday evening Richard Speight invited us to a little room-party. “We always have one before the con starts.” he said, when I asked him about the reason for the party. I smiled. They weren’t just a cast of a TV-show, they were really good friends, just as Jensen, Jared and I. I sometimes forgot that. The party was great, at some point Jensen decided that we would crash some Pannels on Friday, and all the others loved the idea. I sipped at my drink and thought about the upcoming days. My thoughts drifted away and not just once one of the actors made a comment on it. Jensen just smiled, now and then he patted my shoulder and asked if I was okay, I just nodded, but soon I decided to head to my room. I waved to the others and left the room.

Your PoV

The weekend of the convention came sooner than you realized. You packed your bags, got yourself a bus ticket to the convention-center and you were really looking forward to it. Jacob was very busy at this time, so he wasn’t around that often. You texted him, when you left the house and where you were going and he was content with it. You told him you would never leave him and you were his girl over and over. He was a bit softer these days and you liked that, you thought maybe his jealousy was getting better, but you just enjoyed the time.

The day before the convention you were very nervous, you never imagined that you would meet the actors of your favourite TV-show in person. To be honest, you never were the kind of super-fan, who stalked actors or singer, you never understood the meaning of autographs, for you this was just some marker on paper. You just enjoyed listening to these people, maybe talking to them, at least if you could come up with an interesting topic. Yeah, you were looking forward to the con, just because the guys seemed very sympathetic, but on the other hand you realised, you wouldn’t have the chance to get to meet them as persons, just in their job as actors. This made you sad, but just a little. It would be a great experience.

When you were sunk in your thoughts, suddenly your mobile rang, you got a message from Jacob: “There is an emergency at the hospital. I can’t make it tonight. Have fun at your convention, babe.” You smiled then you opened your Tumblr-app to shoot Dmitri a short message:

“Dear Dmitri,

I’m so nervous, but also really excited. Have you been on a con before? I’m leaving home tomorrow at 7.16 in the morning, it’s a 5 hours journey, so I’ll be there at noon. Is this too early? Or too late? I can’t imagine what it would be like. I’m so excited. Dmitri, thanks for giving me the chance to experience this. I’ll tell you everything afterwards. Surely there won’t be anything new for you, you have experienced this probably already, but Jacob isn’t interested in Supernatural and in Fan-culture generally, he is glad, when I shut up about it. I guess it will be boring for you as well, but I have to share it with someone. I hope you understand. Thanks again for this opportunity!

Love,

Y/N”

You pressed the “Send”-Button and scrolled through your dashboard. It’s been quite a while since you posted something on your blog, your dashboard changed, you unfollowed some blogs and looked for other good ones to follow. Since the last time you checked you got 7 new followers, mainly dubious ones with half naked girls on them. Suddenly a notification popped up, an answer from Dmitri:

“Y/N,

Don’t be afraid, it will be a nice experience. You’ll like it. A was there a few times. The guys are nice and the panels are normally a lot of fun. I’m sure people will be very kind, they are always. Sure you will meet some crazy fans, but they are wonderful and open-hearted, and they are all part of the family, as you are, as I am. Get in touch with them, they are a bunch of the nicest people I know.

I hope you will enjoy the weekend, tell me everything about it. Every single detail. I’m looking forward to your messages. Sleep well and have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

Dmitri”

Part 13

Tags:

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #supernatural family #supernatural fandom #SPN #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #SPN FANDOM #spn cast #misha x reader #Misha Collins #tumblr girl #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom

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