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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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Written in the Stars - Chapter 7

Pairings: Astarion x Tav

Rating: Explicit

Summary: For months Astarion and Tav have been growing closer and both of them would consider the other a good friend at this point. But is friendship really what either of them truly want? One night has the potential to change their relationship forever. Will the two of them be able to overcome the hurdles a new romance throws their way while they navigate the impending threat of the Netherbrain? Or will past trauma's come back to haunt them permanently? Get swept up in this whirlwind of passion, love, and fear as the characters of Baldur's Gate 3 take on the Cult of the Absolute.

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Chapter 7: Unsteady, Unsure

Word Count: 4,572

Warnings: Angst, References to SA, Past Trauma, PTSD, Self-Hate, Insecurities, Implied Smut

Song: Haunted - Taylor Swift

A/N: Apologies for the shorter chapter. I had to split what I had planned into separate parts because things were looking like they would get too long. Chapter 8 will be a much longer one. As a heads up, Chapter 8 is going to take around two-three weeks to come out as I am going to a convention to meet Neil Newbon this coming weekend and I plan to edit what I have written so far as well. So that means my writing time is going to be reduced for about a week or so. I promise I won't hold you all in suspense for too long though and that we will be done with angst for a while as we move into the next segment of seven chapters.

Astarion worked both of them through their orgasms. His hips never stilled until he had gone completely soft and Tav was a quivering mess beneath him. As he slipped out of her sex he rolled off her body, landing on his back by her side. His chest was heaving, his breaths coming in quick pants. Rosy lips were parted in a breathless smile as his mind fought to catch up with what had just happened. His eyes focused on the stars shining down between tree leaves. Tav loved him. She had always loved him. He felt foolish for never having realized it. But now? All was out in the open. They loved each other and she had given herself to him entirely. Her heart, her trust, her body. Her body… By the Gods was that sex incredible. She had taken him better than anyone ever had, like she was made to fit him and only him. The ways in which their bodies had so perfectly molded together felt unreal. She had moved and bent exactly how he wanted her to, never giving any resistance when he’d pulled her against him in different ways, in different positions. How she had reacted to him, clenching and spasming, gasping and moaning; the memory would be seared into his mind for life. Eyes closed and he thanked the heavens for her. Thanked her enhanced flexibility and stable strength. Thanked the way she had let him take her in the dirt without a single complaint about the mess. Hells, he was doomed. An airy, soprano giggle brought him out of his reverie and he looked at the woman who had just blown his mind.

“You know, that’s twice now you’ve kissed me out of the blue.”

Teasing Astarion came naturally. It was the foundation that their friendship had been built on. Quips and jokes made lightheartedly at the other’s expense. If he thought she wasn’t going to point out the irony of him having kissed her twice when she was least expecting it simply because they had just finished having sex, he clearly didn't know her. The opportunity was just too good to pass up. Honestly what had he even been thinking, sneaking up on her while she was swinging an axe. He was damn lucky she had memorized him otherwise he could have very well ended up putting those dodging skills of his to use. The silly, lovesick fool. But she'd be lying if she said the games the two of them played didn't bring her an electric thrill. She loved how they always kept each other on their toes. Pushing limits, testing restraints. Fuck was it fun. And now here they were. At the apex of all that endless teasing. She would never dare admit it to him, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way. The start to this new thing between them. It promised a romance full of lighthearted joy. As her giggles faded she kept smiling at the sky, pleasantly content at how the day had ended. Slowly, her head lolled towards him, his perfect mouth curling up into a mischievous smirk.

Leave it to her to tease him at a time like this. It wasn’t his fault she was so damn kissable. Deniably irresistible. Had she really expected anything less than a heated make out session in the woods? Tav was brilliant in so many ways but by the Gods was she dumb when it came to interpreting his meanings at times. All dinner he had been fucking her with his eyes. Imagining all the different ways he could take her and make her scream. He thought he’d been obvious. And yet still she was surprised when he had followed her. Sweet, oblivious Tav. He would kiss her every second of the day if he could. Planned kisses, surprise kisses. Kisses to her forehead, kisses to her cheeks. Every morning he’d sweep her into his arms and pull her knuckles to his lips; only if she’d let him. He grinned.

“Give me your permission, little lover, and I’ll keep doing it.”

Her bright laugh echoed through the forest. Nocturnal birds fluttered and nighttime critters crept closer to chance a peek at the noise. She rolled to her side, booping him on the nose.

“Tempting, but knowing you, you’d take advantage of that privilege at all of the most inappropriate of times.”

She wasn’t wrong. If he had her indisputable approval, he would kiss her whenever the Hells he felt like it, even if the time was arguably an inconvenient one. A pale hand shot out to grab her wrist as her hand tried to retreat. He gave the tips of her fingers a quick nip. A playfully curled lip exposed that fang that loved to make itself known when he smiled.

“Isn’t that what makes it fun?”

Tav’s beautiful face leaned close to his as she licked her lips. Her voice dropped into one of silky seduction.

“I think I’d rather find other ways to make our companions blush.”

Sparks ignited in his eyes at the implication and his fingers squeezed as he grabbed at her chin and cheek, tilting her head to the side sharply. He analyzed the teasing smirk dancing on her lips and the way her eyes had narrowed to impish slits. He grasped her face tighter, pulling her lips a fraction closer to him.

“You cheeky thing.”

Tav’s grin turned more devilish and she wiggled her eyebrows with a wink before puckering her lips in a mock kiss. He barked a loud laugh, letting her go to instead scoot back and admire her cocky confidence. It took a brave woman to toy with a creature such as him. Especially one who wouldn’t say no to devouring her a second time. But like always she trusted him unwaveringly. And as much as he would have loved to go for a second round he didn’t break that trust. Elbows kept him propped as he leaned back to watch her. Rolling onto her back once more, she stretched. As her arms reached wide to the side, her back arched pushing her chest into the air. The expanse of her neck became completely exposed as her head tilted back and he could see the pulse of her heart. Watching her bend, the silhouette of her frame against the backdrop of the mist riddled, darkened woods created a sort of magical mysticism to her image. She was a huntress. A goddess. A wild fey queen that he’d happily kneel for… She was gorgeous… Inexplicably gorgeous. He’d want for nothing if he managed to make her entirely his. She could very easily change his world.

Red traced the shape of her body as she came down from her stretch and sat up. The definition of her muscles showed her blatant strength but with a subtlety that maintained her feminine figure. Full breasts, toned stomach, slender waist. Her skin glimmered, flawlessly smooth, save for the abundance of scars littering it. There wasn’t a single beauty mark in sight. No moles or freckles besides the small smattering across her nose and that sole tattoo. Black ink winding up the curve of her hip to the planes of her iliac region like a vine. She looked like she was carved from gold. Soft in places, yes, but finely detailed and immeasurably precious. She was a treasure most sacred, one that bandits could only hope to try and steal, and he wasn’t lost on how blessed he was to be allowed to gaze upon her naked form. When she finally looked at him again his mouth curved at the edges into a warm smile and his arms opened encouragingly while he lowered himself to the ground.

“Come on, love.”

The way in which Tav’s eyebrows immediately furrowed had him getting concerned. She didn’t make a move to come closer to him and his throat clenched. Why wasn’t she coming closer to him? Fear rose up in his chest, clawing with nails shaped like his master’s. Had he made a mistake in his interpretation of the night? In his interpretation of her words? She looked so confused right now. Perhaps he hadn’t made his intentions clear.

“Come lie with me Tav.”

Still she sat frozen. Anxiety made its way to his tongue and his mask slipped back on. He didn’t mean to scoff. Didn’t mean to default to sarcasm. But her hesitation was hurting him more than he’d like to admit.

“Oh don’t look so shocked, darling. We did just confess our undying love for each other did we not? I’d be a bad lover if I didn’t at the very least indulge in a cuddle.”

The switch broke Tav out of her temporary flashback within seconds. NO. She wouldn’t think about him. Not now. Not when everything with Astarion was so close to being right. He wouldn’t haunt her any longer. She was better. She had moved on. Healed. It had been eighty five years since then. Sixty since she’d stopped trying. Forty since she’d vanished. It was better now. It had to be. Astarion wasn’t… He wouldn’t… It was safe. It was okay. She’d be okay. *I’ll be ok.* When her eyes focused on him again the look he was giving her made her flinch. One second Astarion had been smiling at her with tenderness and now his expression had morphed into the sardonic one he liked to throw up whenever he was feeling vulnerable. Her mind whirled. She stared at him while he sneered at her. It wasn’t like she had meant to hesitate, to frown at his offer of cuddling but he wasn’t the only one with a past. Wasn’t the only one who wished they could forget things they never would. She hadn’t been expecting his offer. It wasn’t something that she had ever been given before. Tenderness after sex. She had honestly been fully expecting him to get dressed, bid her goodnight, and then leave her in the woods. The fact that he was willing to stay, wanted to stay, was extremely confusing. Did he expect more from her? Had she not been good enough?

His arms were still outstretched but they were dipping. His confusion was evident. Guilt tore at her heart. She didn’t want to hurt him. He was new to this whole thing. Relationships, sharing feelings, opening up. Hells, he had even given her a heartfelt confession before having sex with her. But this wouldn’t have been the first time someone had lied about loving her. And yet, he had sounded so honest. Treated her with such care. There had been an actual connection between them when he’d fucked her. It hadn’t been just sex. It couldn’t have been. I felt too different. Too raw. So real… He was still looking at her confused. Pained. She could see his confidence waning. He had opened up to her. Offered her comfort and love. And all she had given him was hesitation. *Shit.* Of course she had fucked this up. She always fucked things like this up. And now he was defensive again. His walls were returning. All because of her stupid trauma. He had gone out on a limb and shown her a different side of him today. One made of pillows and fluff. Softness and fairy tales. He had given her a snippet of the romance she helplessly craved; and what she had given him was more of the same. She was a fuck up. A hopeless fuck up. She didn’t deserve him. She didn’t deserve anyone.

Their staring stalemate stretched on. Desperately she tried to tame the hurt of her past. If she could just let go. Let him in. His Adam's apple bobbed with his every nervous swallow, his eyes shifted to the side before focusing back on her. She couldn’t watch him. Watch the hurt she had caused wash over his face. His posture was dropping, his arms slowly lowering. Before he could fully put them down, she launched herself closer; begging with her eyes for him to not retract his offer. She couldn’t lose this! Not this! Not him! *Please! Please don’t! I want this! I promise I want this!* Warily his arms opened back up and this time she didn’t hesitate, nestling herself into his strong hold and placing her head on his chest. The pounding of her heart in her ears was deafening and she cringed because she knew that he could hear it. Why couldn’t she just open up to him like he was trying to open up to her? The weight of her secrets, all those things she had refused to say, refused to share, they ate at her conscience. She could trust him, couldn’t she? Astarion wouldn’t break her. Not like he had. No. She couldn’t. Not now. Not when their relationship was still balanced on the edge of something precarious. Maybe one day she’d tell Astarion. Let it all come spilling out. A day when they had been together long enough. A day when she knew without a doubt he wouldn’t hurt her. Maybe then she’d tell him. But for now she would push it down. Cage all of those unspoken things back up in her chest and focus on taking care of him.

Astarion’s relief was immediate as Tav finally folded against his body. She hadn’t left. She was still here, laying in his arms. He had been so worried she was going to get up and walk away. That her hesitation had meant he’d been wrong. That she didn’t love him. That she’d lied. That she was only after sex. He wanted to trust her. Trust that she wasn’t like that, but so many people had only ever wanted him for his body. Lusted after his sexual appeal and not given a second thought to anything more once they had received what they’d wanted. His mind conveniently forgot how adamantly Tav had refused to use him, denied sleeping with him without it meaning something more. The frenzy of memories swirling like a storm caused him to not remember that detail. Instead he recalled all the times he’d been told he was nothing. How many times had Cazador told him he was only worth the sex he could provide? That he was simply a pretty face meant to entertain? His assumption surrounding her hesitation had been instinctual, and now as she lay next to him his mind froze. The storm swelled. Thunder crashed. The disgust he was used to hit him like a thrown brick. Suddenly the feel of her skin pressed against his was no longer pleasurable. It felt like a cage. A reminder of his enslavement and all the times he’d been forced to seduce. Forced to perform the act of sex and then hold his marks before leaving them in the night as they slept. The sound of their screams as he left the room and Cazador took his place haunted his mind. It was all he could hear right now. Those horrible, terrified screams. The woods faded away and he was back in a lavish four poster bed, holding his latest victim knowing that soon they would be dead. Drained dry while he was sent back out on the streets to find another poor soul to lead to their death. Another body to add to his endless list.

Tav smothered her issues as she felt Astarion spiraling. His body had gone ice cold, colder than she had ever felt him, his breathing had completely stopped. His nails dug marks into her shoulders where he held onto her and she wasn’t sure if she should pull away or if moving would make things worse. So she stayed unnaturally still. It wasn’t fully clear as to what horror he was currently reliving, but the hunter in her knew when someone was experiencing pure fear. Her own emotions spiked, that guilt eating at her doing its best to make her unravel with him. But giving into it would help no one. She had to salvage things before she lost him all over again. Before this thing ended before it ever got the chance to begin. She needed him. She loved him. And despite all her reservations, all of her fears, she knew she had to bring him back. The darkness that could consume him was one she was far too familiar with and she couldn’t let him fall into it. Not like she had. The quiet melody began to encapsulate them. The lullaby nearly inaudible as she hummed against his shaking chest. She didn’t want to startle him but she also didn’t want him becoming lost. Music had always been her safe haven. The one thing that never failed to calm her down. Now she hoped that it could do the same for him. As the crickets joined in on her song providing their soothing orchestra to the lull of her hymn, she prayed that her voice could bring him back from the edge.

It took many minutes before Astarion’s body relaxed. Her music faded at the first indication that he was returning to himself and she let the insects take over the song. Soon enough he was breathing again. He wasn’t fully with her yet but it was a start. She didn’t touch him. Didn’t stroke his arm or rub his back. Not once did she move even though her hands were twitching from the stillness. But shifting could make him stray. It could scare him away. The last thing she wanted was to frighten him in his current state. The slightest hint of warmth returned to his skin and at his next shaky sigh she whispered into his chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Goosebumps erupted along his flesh at the feel of her breath on his pecs. His ears flattened against his skull and he screwed his eyes shut trying to vanish the images still playing in his mind.

“No.”

Talking would make things worse. It would make the memories more concrete. Plus then she would know. Know all the horrible things he had done. All the blood that coated his hands. All the people he’d killed. She’d hate him. He didn’t belong with her. Not even if she was only using him. He was a monster. A being of pure evil. And she was a hero. Someone who by all rights should slay him. Put him back in the grave he’d crawled his way out of. He was beyond unworthy of her. So beyond unfit to be her partner. To stand by her side. She was so kind, so caring. Her heart was made of the gold she’d been sculpted from. It was good and honest and he was a lier. A manipulator. A seducer and a thief. He had stolen her heart without ever having earned the right to. But she loved him. Sworn she loved him. Loved who he was. Another puff of her air against his skin had him taking a deep breath. This was Tav. A woman so confident in herself and the company she kept that it left no room for argument on who was good and who was bad. Her words had not been untrue. She had only ever told him the truth. He could trust her. Like she trusted him. This was real, wasn’t it?

He took a moment to consider the risks of showing her his weaknesses. The self-doubt. The self-hate. The horrors he had wrought and the ones he had endured. She wouldn’t leave him. She wouldn’t. That wasn’t like her and he knew her. She wouldn’t shun him simply because the touch of her skin brought back bad memories. No. She was strong and surefooted. Confident and brave. But he was broken. Tainted. Eventually she would come to her senses and leave him. Any smart person would. Perhaps it was best to end things between them before anything ever began. It would save him the heartbreak, save her the struggle. But if there was one thing Astarion was, it was selfish. And he wanted her. Badly. So despite his fears, the worry and the pain, he gave her the best explanation he currently could, not wanting to forgo the chance of what they could have. What they could be.

“Bad memories is all. I’m fine now.”

Tav continued to not move. She didn’t push him to share. She never pushed. But she knew that fine was a lie. Fine was always a lie. She was intimately acquainted with the falsified assurance of being fine. Still, if he didn’t want to talk about it, she wouldn’t press. Her head remained on his chest and faintly she wished she could hear his heart. That the organ within didn’t lie dead. It could have told her what to do. Tell her if his nervousness had subsided. If she could hug him. But such was the curse of Vampirism. Forced to live a life without life. His voice echoed around them as he attempted to joke with her. Like things were ok. Like they weren’t both breaking.

“You’re as stiff as a board.”

Her mumbled apology felt forced. Even to her ears she could hear how far away it seemed.

“Sorry.”

If he was attempting humor that meant he was ok now, right? She could move? She could touch him? Carefully she tried wrapping her arms around his torso but retracted her limbs when he once again froze.

Astarion cursed his bodily reaction, hating how even miles away Cazador still had him enslaved. She clearly didn’t trust that she could touch him. Or maybe she simply didn’t want to touch him. That damaged part of himself started to second guess her intentions. Maybe she was disgusted by him, disgusted by his past. At how many people he had slept with. At how much he'd been soiled. Maybe she thought he was unfit for intimacy and was pitying his attempts at aftercare. It’s not like he was currently doing a good job at it. He’d frozen up too many times to count at this point. His thoughts went back to how she had hesitated when he’d offered to cuddle her. Perhaps she was forcing herself to do this for his sake.

“Is this… not what you wanted?”

Tav balked at the question. How did she answer that? How did she tell him that cuddling was something that had never been offered to her before? How could she even begin to explain her past? Explain the man that had used and abused her? The only man she had slept with. The only man before him that she had ever loved. He would judge her. Devalue her. He would never see her the same way again. She hadn’t shared much with anyone about who she’d been before getting abducted but they all knew that she was young for an Elf. If she told Astarion about how inexperienced she actually was there was no doubt that he’d laugh at her. No. She’d keep that information to herself. She was good enough in bed to not arise suspicion. He had made sure of that. Made sure she was good enough for him each and every night they were together. Astarion would never know.

“This is fine.”

Gods, it was fine. Just fine. Nothing good ever came from something being fine. He regretted ever offering up this embrace in the first place. Clearly neither of them wanted it anymore. So why was he still holding her? Why couldn’t he let go? She interrupted his thoughts with a vulnerable whisper.

“I’m just nervous… It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.”

‘Since I’ve ever done this’, is what she wanted to say. But the words wouldn’t come. Too much vulnerability at once would be bad for her. Admitting she was nervous was hard enough. It was too soon to spill the truth. The whole of it. His mind was already eating at him, his own past hard enough to sift through. He didn’t need the added burden of hers.

Astarion’s worry stricken expression slackened and he glanced down at Tav for the first time since she had crawled into his arms. He wondered what she meant by her words. What ‘this’ was she referring to? Cuddling? Sex? Or perhaps a relationship. Either way he wouldn’t question her. It was clear she was struggling to share whatever was plaguing her. As much as he wanted to know, she never pushed him when he wasn’t ready to talk, so he wouldn’t pressure her. Still he felt somewhat soothed by her admission. His weight shifted so that he lay on his side. Her body moved with his as she repositioned herself as well and he tucked her head back into his chest placing his chin on top of messy copper waves. A sigh managed to shutter its way out of him. As awful as those memories had been, this felt nice. She remained stiff and clumsily he patted her back in an attempt to ease her worry. He wanted to comfort her as she so often comforted him. As inexperienced as the action made him feel it did the trick in getting her to soften. Her body went languid and he relaxed his arm around her waist. She did not hold him back, instead opting to slide her hands between their bodies to rest on his upper abdomen, but that was ok. He wasn’t sure if he could handle being embraced in return. He wondered if she had done it for him. Out of mindfulness of those sensitive, untouched parts of his psyche that caused his body to react poorly. But there was every chance she had done it for her. A way to keep whatever was running through her mind at bay. He kissed the top of her head, sighing at how quickly the atmosphere had changed to something tenuous.

Tav let her eyes close as she tried to focus on the feeling of being held. Astarion was being a sweetheart. Offering her what little comfort he could as he struggled himself, kindly refraining from asking questions. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep this up. Keep hiding the parts of herself that hurt. If they wanted this relationship to be something worth holding onto they’d both have to reveal their cards. All of them. Gingerly, she placed a kiss above his undead heart.

“I love you.”

His face buried deeper into her hair as he tried to hold back the fear those words brought to the surface. That she didn’t actually love him. That she shouldn't. That he didn't deserve her. But he didn’t say any of it, because somehow, despite everything, this was exactly where he wanted to be.

“I love you too.”

For the first time Tav let herself enjoy the hold of another person and soon her breathing lulled into a slow pull of air. With every inhale she breathed in the scent of the man she loved more than anything in the world. The man who she hoped would love her just as much, forever. Bergamot and rosemary wrapped around her senses like a python around its prey, and she kissed him again before letting herself fall into a deep trance. Nightmares haunted their memories as the two rested but with it came the blossoming hope of a real love.

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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BAN ON CONVERSION PRACTICES IN THE EU. GO SIGN IT. DEADLINE IS FUCKING MAY 17. WE'RE STILL MISSING 800.000 signatures. FUCKING DO IT.

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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Some people really need to realize how terribly they are treating fanfiction writers here. You do realize that the people who write these fics are doing it for free and also can be writing them for hours, days, weeks!! Some of your favorite fics might even be years old labors of love!

So if you enjoy fanfiction, just remember that someone put thought and love and energy into it AND decided to post it for free to share it with you.

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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This is an appreciation post for the fanfic authors who aren’t included on rec lists

For the fanfic authors who don’t get art of their fics

For the fanfic authors who can’t get to 1000/500/100 hits

For the fanfic authors who don’t get comments/reviews

For the fanfic authors who write for small fandoms

For the fanfic authors who write rarepairs or gen fics

For the fanfic authors who get hate for the ships/characters/fandoms they write

For the fanfic authors who write in English despite it not being their first language

For the fanfic authors who don’t write in English

For the fanfic authors who don’t think anyone reads or likes their work

For the fanfic authors who aren’t big name fans

For the fanfic authors who don’t get requests in their inboxes

For the fanfic authors who can’t write stories that are more than a thousand words

For the fanfic authors who only write one ship

For the fanfic authors who are just starting

For the fanfic authors who have been writing fic for years

For the fanfic authors who use fanfic to practice writing

For the fanfic authors who write self-insert fics

For the fanfic authors who write about their OCs

For the fanfic authors who write to vent or cope

For the fanfic authors who are just waiting for their big break

Keep creating, I love you ❤️

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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EVERYONE(!) I’m blazing this post because at this pace we might barely hit 1,000,000 signatures—or just fall short. PLEASE reblog this post, no matter where you are from, so we can reach as many EU citizens as possible and end this horrible practice!

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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People used to comment on web comics.

People used to comment on fanfiction.

People used to comment on fanart.

People used to comment on OCs.

I hate "content" culture.

I hate "consuming content" and scrolling immediately to the next thing.

People used to be excited about the art that other people created.

People used to want to share that excitement with creators.

I hate this future.

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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friendly reminder that loyalty is worth $0

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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Once in a Lifetime

Word Count: 1,815

Warnings: Some angst, Fluff, Reminiscing

A/N: This is written for @impala-dreamer's Through His Eyes challenge. I suddenly realize as I go to post this that I am a couple hours behind the deadline as I forgot that it was EST! I'm sorry! I hope you will still read it impala-dreamer!

Dean had been with many girls throughout his life. Most of them he hadn't cared to learn the names of past the night he’d spent in their bed. Then there were the few that stood out. Robin. Cassie. Lisa. But eventually he had moved on from them as well. Not always to his choosing, but an inevitability with his line of work. Then there was her. The brunette he'd grown up with. His dad had taken her as his ward after she'd been the only one in her family to survive a vamp attack. Usually his father would have left surviving kids at the police station but something about this one little girl had him taking her under his wing. In retrospect she had filled a void that'd existed ever since his mother had died. The soothing grace of a female's presence. She had raised Sammy like her own despite only being older than him by four years. A year younger than Dean himself. And surprisingly, time and time again she had proved her value in a fight. How a girl from the suburbs picked up on shooting rock salt out of a shotgun so easily was still a mystery to him.

As a kid he had hated her. Two sides of the same coin they were. Butting heads endlessly. Stubborn facing stubborn. Then there was the fact she'd constantly fight with his dad, challenging his authority like it was a game. Her disrespect of the man had always pissed him off. But that strong-headedness of hers had come in handy as they'd aged. She’d protected his little brother with the same fierceness he did. Would stand brazenly against whatever monster they faced with no fear. A hunter through and through. As teenagers they came to a sort of truce. Working together to give Sam the best childhood they could. His brother deserved it. And he couldn’t deny that the two of them worked well together as surrogate parents. While he would go out and steal to make sure Sam had christmas gifts and food, she was the one who would stay up with his brother, holding him in her arms, humming softly, every time he’d wake up from a nightmare. And that is when he felt it. The first pings of infatuation.

When they hit high school he began toying with her the same way he did with all the other girls in his life. Casual flirtations that he knew got under her skin. She would always snap at him to cut it out but he wasn't the kind of boy who missed when he'd made a girl blush. He’d pick on her, tease her and she’d fight back with a fire that always made his heart leap. When she kissed a boy for the first time he followed that kid home the next day, beating him into pulp until he was promising to never speak to her again. She never knew why her first crush abandoned her. They toed the line between friendship and something more for years; neither of them ever giving in but not asking the other to stop either. Their back and forth continued until the day Sammy left for college.

The fight between Sam and his dad had been the worst they’d ever had. It had had her seeing red. The way she immediately jumped to his brother’s defence when he didn’t brought forth a guilt in him that still weighed on him heavily. She had never liked his dad but that was the first time he could ever remember her punching him. Sam left and a week later she was fully gone as well. A hijacked car taking her far away from him. Those first two years he tried to keep in contact with her but she never seemed to be fully there, rushing through their conversations as if she wished he'd stop calling. Eventually he did. He tried to fill the void she’d left with women. Cassie came close, but there were still the nights where he was lying beside his lover that his mind would drift back to her. The night he broke into Sam’s college apartment he almost expected she’d be there. But no. The girl from his childhood was nowhere to be seen.

It was weeks after reconnecting with his brother that she finally appeared. He wasn't sure how the news had gotten to her but one day as he was travelling with Sam in search of their dad, she showed up in the same town working the same case. A teary reconciliation occured as she gave her sympathies to his brother about his loss of Jess. Sam hugged her with a fierce love Dean had never seen from him before. One he wasn’t sure he even received himself. When she looked at him again for the first time after leaving he felt his heart stop. Staring back at him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had grown out of all of her adolescent looks, her features more mature and devastatingly attractive. He gave her a hug and welcomed her back. From that day on the three of them were hunting together once more.

As their travels progressed it seemed she was willing to let bygones be bygones and those pangs he’d felt as a teenager came back with a vengeance that had his head spinning. Logically he knew she primarily stuck around for Sam. To protect him like she had her whole life. It was written on her face every time the topic came up that she didn’t give a damn about whatever had happened to his father. But one day, when her gaze met his in the rearview mirror, he wondered then if maybe she didn't stick around for him as well. Time moved slowly as they hunted, the search for his dad eventually fading when the trail went cold. She often took his side in those many months. Arguing with Sam when his brother would insist on continuing the search. That fateful day when Sam walked away once again she blew his mind. She hadn’t gone after his brother like he’d been expecting. In fact she hadn’t even gotten out of her seat in the Impala when the fight shifted to the side of the road. She had just sat and waited. And when he had come back and informed her that Sam was going off on his own, she had simply slid her body into the passenger seat beside him instructing him to go. It wasn’t lost on him then that despite everything he thought he knew about her, she had chosen him.

Time went on and they grew closer, Sam joining up with them once more only a few days after he had left. She shared stories while they traveled. Anecdotes from when she had been on her own. He learned how she had sought out her grandparents but because of never having had a relationship with them, life took her back on the road. He felt so sorry for her that day and the guilt inside him grew. Her chance at normalcy had been stolen away from her the same night her family had been. Forced into the life like him and his brother. For the first time he questioned if his dad was truly the all knowing person he thought he was. But she was resilient, and as he studied her he realized that she wasn’t fully unhappy.

The day she almost died on a hunt he thought his heart was going to give out. The witch was torturing her as he was pinned helpless against the wall. He knew he would never forget the image of her body being contorted. The sound of her bones breaking. And yet despite how much pain she was clearly in, all that escaped her were a few solemn tears. That night he realized just how strong she actually was. Even when standing in the face of almost certain death her defiance remained. The look in her eyes a promise to the witch that she would come back and that she would kill. They had survived. They always survived. But that night had broken something within her and finally he could see through the chinks in her well crafted armor. See the depression that had always eaten at her mind. As awful as it sounds, it gave him a sense of belonging. Like he wasn't the only one struggling in this fucked up world. Like he wasn’t alone.

The way he flirted with her turned softer. A goal of seeing her smile solidifying in place. Every time he succeeded made his heart thunder with a beat that sand only for her. He loved her. Maybe he had loved her all along. It became his life’s mission to make her happy. Give her a semblance of what had been taken. He would split his burger and they’d share beers, reveling in each other’s company. He'd make her laugh and he’d find himself smiling. Actually smiling. His love grew until one day she baked him his favorite pie. It was poorly made, the insides sloppy, the middle cold, but he adored it all the same. He knew he had to tell her. Come up with a way to explain everything she meant to him. But the chance never came, life taking him to the hells where those barely held together pieces of him broke further.

He was distant when he came back. Guilt riddled and full of despair. She tried to soothe him. Get him to open up. But he couldn’t, too scared of losing her to the darkness inside him. He pushed her away. Pushed Sam away. He kept pushing until one day she screamed in his face, completely at her wit’s end, that she would always love him if he only would let her in. His walls came down and they were kissing and crying, limbs tangled as they slept. He never pushed her away again. Even when he was at his lowest. Even through the Mark of Cain or after his time spent in Purgatory. He held her to him. Clinging to her love like it was his only lifeline.

His hand squeezes hers and he leans down to kiss her knuckles. Her screams bring a smile to his face and he whispers words of encouragement. Praises on how good she is doing. On how happy she is making him. The doctor instructs her to push and soon her cries are joined by tiny ones. He moves to cut the cord, hands shaky even though this is their fourth time. The little girl is placed on her heaving chest, his tears mingling with hers. And as he gazes down at the wife who has made him a father once again, he knows that a person like her only comes by once in a lifetime.

#through his eyes writing challenge #dean winchester #supernatural #fluff #angst #dean fanfiction

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fantasyheroine · 1 month ago

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Emotional Walls Your Character Has Built (And What Might Finally Break Them)

(How your character defends their soft core and what could shatter it) Because protection becomes prison real fast.

✶ Sarcasm as armor. (Break it with someone who laughs gently, not mockingly.) ✶ Hyper-independence. (Break it with someone who shows up even when they’re told not to.) ✶ Stoicism. (Break it with a safe space to fall apart.) ✶ Flirting to avoid intimacy. (Break it with real vulnerability they didn’t see coming.) ✶ Ghosting everyone. (Break it with someone who won’t take silence as an answer.) ✶ Lying for convenience. (Break it with someone who sees through them but stays anyway.) ✶ Avoiding touch. (Break it with accidental, gentle contact that feels like home.) ✶ Oversharing meaningless things to hide real depth. (Break it with someone who asks the second question.) ✶ Overworking. (Break it with forced stillness and the terrifying sound of their own thoughts.) ✶ Pretending not to care. (Break it with a loss they can’t fake their way through.) ✶ Avoiding mirrors. (Break it with a quiet compliment that hits too hard.) ✶ Turning every conversation into a joke. (Break it with someone who doesn’t laugh.) ✶ Being everyone’s helper. (Break it when someone asks what they need, and waits for an answer.) ✶ Constantly saying “I’m fine.” (Break it when they finally scream that they’re not.) ✶ Running. Always running. (Break it with someone who doesn’t chase, but doesn’t leave, either.) ✶ Intellectualizing every feeling. (Break it with raw, messy emotion they can’t logic away.) ✶ Trying to be the strong one. (Break it when someone sees the weight they’re carrying, and offers to help.) ✶ Hiding behind success. (Break it when they succeed and still feel empty.) ✶ Avoiding conflict at all costs. (Break it when silence causes more pain than the truth.) ✶ Focusing on everyone else’s healing but their own. (Break it when they hit emotional burnout.)

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fantasyheroine · 2 months ago

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oh ok

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fantasyheroine · 2 months ago

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Written in the Stars - Chapter 6

Pairings: Astarion x Tav

Rating: Explicit

Playlist for the fic

Read on AO3

Beta Read By: @thespookypumpkinwitch

Banner Created By: @rahuratna

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Chapter 6: A Night Amongst the Stars

Word Count: 8,084

Warnings: Smut, PiV, Unprotected Sex, Outdoor Sex, References to SA, Past Trauma

Song: I Won't Tell a Soul - Charlie Puth

A/N: To make this fic friendly to all readers I have marked the beginning of the smut with three asterisks. The story that follows after it is not necessary to the grand scheme of the plot so feel free to skip over it if it makes you uncomfortable. Please be aware that this is my first time writing anything erotic so if it is not all you hoped it would be try and stay kind. Also the lyrics of the song for this chapter don’t match perfectly with the story but I really liked the vibes the song provided so I went with it anyways. As a final note the screenshot is mine. Please do not reuse it without permission.

As Tav slipped away Astarion’s fangs bared, his handsome face scrunching up in frustration. She climbed to her feet, backing up a pace or two to calm her thundering heart. His mouth slowly closed, fists pushing him back onto parted knees. Muscular arms dropped to his sides as he slowly sat back on his heels. His crotch and chest protruded forwards as his back arched in a plea. Those fluffy curls she so adored swayed as his head fell back to look up at her. Heat shot straight to her core at the primal want his eyes screamed as he watched her. She didn’t think a man had ever looked at her like that before. Her awkward cough broke the intensity he had created allowing her the chance to turn away. Hungry eyes tracked the sway of her hips but she didn’t stick around long enough to notice. Light feet carried her to her tent that someone in the party had kindly set up, and as the flap closed behind her she dropped the mask of calm she had been trying to maintain. Her still gloved hands flew to her beating heart as she tried to get it to slow down. A lump developed in her throat causing her to choke on her next shaky breath. She could feel the red fire dancing along her skin; her blush spreading from the tips of her pointy ears down to the trimmed nails of her toes. Her hand connected with her cheek. *Snap out of it Tav! Come on girl, get a grip on yourself.* She slapped herself again. The sting left behind a faint handprint. She tore off her gloves so fingers could card through her messy hair. *Breathe. Come on body, breathe!”*

Frantically she picked up a carafe of water scattered amongst her things, uncorking it to dump the cold liquid on her heated face. Droplets dribbled down her exposed abdomen adding wetness to the puddle building between her legs. She ripped her chainmail bottoms off of her as fast as she could, tugging the rough fabric of her traveling pants down along with it. A hand flew to her groin and she swore. A new pair of underwear was in order. Peeling the damp cloth from her body she stripped the rest of her clothes and began the search for new ones. Hidden under a group of sacks she found her chest of personal belongings. A swipe knocked the bags off the top of it letting her access its contents. Her favorite camp outfit thankfully sat at the top of her things right where she had packed it. The search for a new pair of undergarments however took a bit longer. She grabbed the first set she could find. A black, half mesh half lace mini corset bra that tied up in the front with silk laces. Its counterpart, a strappy, black thong. She glanced at her intended clothes. The white asymmetrical tank would let the black of her bra show through. The open, dusty grey vest she typically paired with the shirt too small to cover her breasts. Another shout for dinner had her biting the bullet and pulling on the unfortunate combo. The way Karlach’s eyes immediately went to her chest the moment she stepped up to the campfire told her that the cloth of her shirt was not thick enough to hide the shadowy brassier that lay underneath.

With a sigh she moved to go sit next to her friend. She could feel eyes on her the moment she sat down. Once again her body blushed. She knew who was watching her. Could literally picture the sight of his desire stricken face in her mind. Arms came up to try and cover her chest but did the opposite and enhanced the size of her bust. Karlach glanced down at where her bra was showing through even more now that she had unintentionally pulled the cloth of her shirt tighter against her bosom. Her arms shifted from a fold of forearms to a self hug she hoped would cover her better. The barbarian laughed.

“You intend to do that? Pair black with white?”

Tav grimaced and shifted yet again.

“It was all I could find.”

Karlach smirked while she continued her teasing.

“You sure you’re not dressing up for somebody?”

Instantly she spit out a protest.

“Why would I dress up for Astarion!?”

The Tiefling’s smirk turned wicked and the woman leaned in conspiratorially.

“I never said anything about Astarion, Tav, but it is interesting that your mind immediately went to him considering the fact you’ve been ignoring the man since he stepped foot back into camp. Care to share whatever I’m missing?”

Brown eyes widened in horror and she spit out her response way too fast to be convincing.

“Nothing!”

She attempted to recover her blunder with smooth words.

“I promise, you’re not missing anything.”

Even to her ears she could tell her tone spoke of lies. Blunt teeth bit down on her tongue in an attempt to stop her from making the situation any worse. Her pride was wounded enough at the failed lie. Karlach rolled her head in a semicircle clearly exasperated.

“Oh c’mon soldier. You think I didn’t notice the shift between the two of you today? His eyes haven’t left your form since the moment we began scouting this morning. And right now he looks like he could eat you right up. So what happened?”

Tav glanced across the fire in search of the man in question. Astarion was casually lounging on a withered stump. His body looked relaxed but the expression on his face indicated something entirely different. He looked ravenous and not for the goblet of wine balanced languidly between his fingers. No, his smouldering gaze was entirely focused on her. Bright red erupted across her cheeks and she quickly diverted her attention back to Karlach. Abruptly she stood.

“I’m gonna go get some food!”

Her announcement rang throughout the campsite far louder than she intended it to. Cringing, she tried to maintain her dignity as she made her way to where the food had been laid out. A small round table had been assigned to housing the daily meals, its face now displaying an array of cooked meats and vegetables. Tav plated a large portion for herself making sure to leave enough for Lae’zel who always went back for seconds. She adamantly avoided looking at Astarion again even though her curiosity begged her to know if his expression had changed. With more confidence than she felt, she found her place next to Karlach once more and began the routine debrief the party had developed for evening meals. As she informed those who had not been on the scouting trip of what had occurred during the day, she found the task of not looking at Astarion harder and harder. When Gale took over the conversation with an elaborate story about one of their many encounters with scorned cultists, the temptation to glance Astarion’s way finally defeated her willpower. Cautious brown met blazing red. Pink lips curled up into a devilish smirk, a white eyebrow raising as ear tips twitched expectantly. Humor and desire both danced within his eyes but unlike all the other times he had looked at her with lust, she could not find any trace of dishonesty. He looked like he was genuinely enjoying the sight of her and the thoughts she was certain had come along with it.

Tav’s own ears angled backwards like a bashful cat’s. Her high pitched squeak interrupted whatever story was in the midst of being told, causing everyone’s attention to turn to her. The woman’s embarrassment was palpable. Karlach stifled a giggle. Gale paused in his tale and Halsin subtly focused on Astarion. The rogue was still smirking but it was clear to the druid that he was losing his composure. With a smile to himself the bear of a man spoke up through the confused silence.

“Tav?”

Her attention wandered away from mentally cursing Astarion’s name to solely focusing on her friend. Her empty plate sat on her lap, shifting slightly when her body had momentarily jumped at the sound of her name.

“Um yeah? What’s up?”

Halsin briefly made eye contact with Karlach, barely inclining his head towards the Vampire. She caught on to his meaning and nudged Wyll before whispering in his ear. The Blade looked between Tav and Astarion then passed the secret message along to Gale who in turn passed it onto Shadowheart who sighed before tadpoling instructions to keep quiet to Lae’zel.

“Seeing as you are done with your dinner could I trouble you into going out and fetching us more firewood? I’m afraid I only collected enough to fuel the making of dinner and not the entire night.”

“Oh. Uh, of course.”

The ranger stood, plate clattering to the ground as she forgot its existence due to her flustered state. Karlach picked the dinnerware up before she could begin stooping down. With a thank you Tav made her way over to the weapon’s chest, selecting an axe from inside, fully missing the pile of timber accumulated not far from it. Axe in hand she made her way to the edges of the woods, disappearing inside soon after.

The moment her figure fully vanished, Astarion climbed to his feet. He ignored the chorus of barely contained chuckles coming from the majority of the companions watching him as he began rushing after Tav. It took him no time to catch up with her, her body coming into view as the sound of her using the axe she had grabbed resonated against the fallen branch she was working on chopping. She was bent over the bough, stuck on splitting a particularly stubborn grain of wood completely unaware that he had followed her and that her current position had her shapely butt on full display. The tight, patchwork leather of her trousers hugged every curve, perfectly accentuating just how toned her bottom was. Thick and presumably juicy. As she stood to swing once more, his eyes tracked the little bounce in her cheeks. His head tilted, ears perked forwards, eyes zeroing in. Her butt bounced again. His breathing sped up. Teeth and fangs scraped over plush flesh as he pulled at his bottom lip. His once hurried steps took on more urgency and he found himself jogging over to where she was working. The moment she was within arms reach, pale limbs were shooting out to wrap around her waist. With flawless finesse Tav was spun around, desperate hands eagerly sliding down to that enticing ass of hers. In one fell swoop her legs were pulled up around his hips as his mouth came smashing down against hers.

Cold skin and the smell of bergamot invaded her senses immediately giving away the identity of who had snuck up on her. Tav didn’t protest as Astarion guided her legs around his midsection, casually letting the axe drop as her hands flew to his shoulders gripping him firmly. He carried her over to the nearest tree and she felt rough bark scratching along her back as he pushed her up against it, but she couldn’t find it in her to care about the twinge of pain. Astarion was kissing her. Again. And this time, it was obvious that he knew exactly what he was doing. While the two kisses they’d shared had the similarity of being suddenly initiated by him, this one felt nothing like its predecessor. No. His current kiss was full of desperate longing and not brokenhearted confusion like it had been before. She threw her head against the tree, choking back her astonishment as he pressed his crotch firmly against hers. The already hard length of him rubbed deliciously against her most sensitive parts as he gave a single roll of his hips.

The little gasp of surprise she let out made it far too easy for him to slip his tongue into her mouth. He took care in tasting every inch of the exposed space. Hints of cherries and currant met his taste buds causing a groan to start to rise in the back of his throat. He continued to lap at the inside of her mouth as he chased after the taste of the fruity wine she had consumed with her dinner. His hips rolled up into hers for a second time of their own accord and he noted with a foggy mind the way her heels dug deeper into his back in an attempt to pull his body closer. He pressed her further into the tree using a hand to brace himself as he gave in to the pull. She let out another little gasp and the sound was swallowed as it passed from her lips to his. He didn’t hold back the rumble of pleasure that came from deep within his chest. The hand still on her butt squeezed at the cushiony muscle bringing forth a low purr from inside him. That animalistic noise intensified as he squeezed again and again. That single hand gripped and pulled at the flesh of her thighs, her hips, and her ass relentlessly. He groaned, tugging at her bottom lip in time with his drags across her body.

The sounds Astarion was making had Tav’s head spinning. He sounded like a man obsessed. Obsessed with her. Gods, this was heavenly! Better than all of the fantasies her mind had concocted since falling for him. Better than any other man she had kissed. Astarion was actually kissing her! And better yet, he was kissing her like he desired no one but her. Like she was the only woman in the whole world he craved. He was the only man she craved… Her desire to show him just how much she wanted him in return spurred her to fight back against his tongue’s barrage of exploration. Pushing against the invading body part with her own rewarded her with another delicious rumble from him. Strategically she traced along the underside of his wet muscle before swirling around the tip of it. His resulting moan had him parting his lips just enough for her to force her way into his mouth. She wasted no time in partaking in her own investigation of his oral cavity. Her tongue ran along the roof of the damp space, licking and lapping, then transitioned to tracing over the shape of his teeth. When she reached the first fang, she intentionally pricked herself on the sharp point.

The incredible sweetness of her blood invaded his senses giving him mere moments to savour it before she had once again pushed herself deep inside his mouth. It was almost as if she was encouraging him to indulge in the taste of her crimson through the action. His lips puckered as he began to wantonly suck on her bleeding tongue. He opened his eyes for a brief second as her hands threaded into his hair to find her watching him with blown out pupils. When the last drop of blood had been consumed he pulled off of her with an audible slurp. Their combined spit dribbled down his chin mixed with the slightest tint of red. He could only imagine what he looked like. Hair mussed from where her hands had run through it, red eyes glinting with lust, fangs bared through his smirk. Slowly, and with maintaining eye contact for as long as he could, he dipped his head down to her neck. There he licked a sensual stripe from the hollow of her throat all the way up to behind the back of her ear.

“Astarion!!!”

The loud moan resulted in a dark chuckle fanned across the shell of her ear. A light nibble to the tip of the point had her shuddering. He left a series of quick nips and licks up and down her neck, occasionally tugging at one of her various earrings here and there with his teeth. Everytime he went back to her sensitive Elven ear to tease the reddening cartilage, jolts of electricity shot straight to her core lighting her body on fire. She was panting in a shorter amount of time than she had expected she’d be. While she had always believed him, it was clear that Astarion hadn’t been lying when he’d said he was good at this. With only his mouth he had worked her up into a burning inferno leaving her craving to kiss him again while chasing the promise of more. It was a form of skill mastery beyond anything she could have imagined. Her body keened as it ached to grind against his, to feel the roll of his hips for a third time, but doing so was a struggle with how tightly he had her pinned. Instead fingers threaded through silken locks once more tugging him away from her neck with a jerk. Her lips came crashing down upon his, this time with a pace set only by her as she indulged in him in the only way she currently could.

Ever the astute lover, Astarion picked up on her desires immediately. He reconnected their groins but not without releasing a loud groan as she pulled on his hair. A barely visible flush made its way to his cheeks but he had no time to try and suppress it as she instantly assaulted his mouth with a blazing kiss. Their tongues were battling for dominance within a second of the reconnection. In a sneaky attempt to win, he slyly moved the hand holding her butt underneath the fabric of her camp shirt, brazenly dancing his fingers against the skin of her side in a feather light touch. Her attack faltered and he immediately took control. With a growl he had her pushed harder against the trunk of the tree. Every inch of his body was touching hers and he could feel the rise and fall of her large breasts brushing across his chest as they swelled at his new vigour. With limited restraint he began to grind the length of himself against her center at a steady pace. He savoured each gasp and moan that vibrated upon his lips. The pressing of his crotch against hers sped up and soon he was pulling away from her mouth to keep kissing and biting her neck. He needed more. Needed her. So with a low rumble into her throat he made his request.

“Say yes.”

The words broke through the haze that had overcome her and she was stuttering as she tried to speak in return.

“Wha… What?”

She wasn’t quite sure if she had heard him correctly. He’d asked her to say yes? Yes to him? Did he want to start a relationship with her? Or was he simply looking for confirmation that what he was doing was ok? This make out session was fine with her as long as it didn’t go farther. She tried to clear her head enough to think about what he meant by his words but his voice cut through her thoughts.

“Tell me you want this dammit!”

His words came out as a rough, needy growl. He wanted her so badly. Needed her to say yes. Months upon months of sexual tension was fueling him. Hormones were running rampant. The realization he had made as to his feelings for her driving him to the brink of a love slash lust crazed insanity. In this clearing, under the stars, he wanted nothing more than to throw her to the ground and ravage her until she was a screaming mess of tears chanting his name. But a lifetime as a slave had instilled in him that verbal consent was of the utmost importance no matter what her body might be telling him. So he held himself back, asking for confirmation instead of giving in to his desires. Never once did he stop kissing up and down her neck though, unable to pull himself away from adoring the lovely pulse point that provided him food and life.

“Astarion I…!”

Tav tried to start protesting. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him, she had dreamt for ages about having sex with him; but all of it was happening so fast and they had barely talked about what would come of their relationship besides the apology he had given her. She needed reassurance that this wouldn’t be a one time thing. That he wanted her in the same way she wanted him. She couldn’t just sleep with him and then have things go back to the way they were before. It would destroy her. She began her protest once more but an unwanted moan interrupted her.

“I…! Mhm…!”

Astarion heard her start to speak before she broke off with a shuddering sigh of pleasure as he started sucking a mark under her jawbone. He knew he should pull away until she gave him the go ahead but he couldn’t help himself. He could smell the scent of her arousal and it smelled absolutely divine. He wanted nothing more than to taste the sweet substance flowing from between her legs. But he couldn’t. Not yet. She had to say yes first. Confirm that she wanted this. Wanted him. In an attempt to consume a fraction of what he was smelling he continued to attack her neck with frantic kisses and little love bites, licking at the tiny beads of sweat that had broken out across her skin. It was a poor substitute for what he actually wanted to be licking at. His assault never waned as he waited for Tav to formulate a cohesive enough sentence which would give him permission to take things further. They had to take things further. He thought he might die if they didn’t. The words he wished to hear never came and instead she said the last thing he wanted.

“I… I think you should slow down.”

It was hard to speak past the moans and sighs sneaking their way out of her lips but Tav did eventually manage to get the words out. She heard Astarion let out an angry hiss but he pulled away from her body nonetheless. He kept his hand braced above her head but respectfully lifted the toned expanse of himself off of her enough so that their only point of contact was her legs still wrapped around his waist. Her hands had fallen from his shoulders ages ago and were now pressed behind her as her fingers pried pieces of bark from the tree in worry. She couldn’t meet his eyes as he swore.

“Shit!” he panted. “Why do you always do this? You just keep turning me down! Why can’t you just let me pleasure you!?”

He was frustrated beyond imagination. All he wanted desperately was to make her feel good. Let himself feel good. Where once his desire to sleep with her hadn’t been honest, it now was. He loved her. He wanted to love her. Wanted to show that love to her in the only way he knew how. He knew he wasn’t going to be any good with heartfelt words. Nor did he think he’d be any good at non sexual intimacy. Cuddling always led him back to bad memories. He had no clue what he could offer her besides himself. What was expected of him when he loved someone and they potentially loved him in return. He had no clue. But this. His body, tonight, willingly giving himself over to her every desire, he could give her this. Hells, he wanted to. For the entirety of the life he could remember, sex had never once been his choice. It was a tool he’d been forced to use every night at the whims of his master. But sex was his choice now. And he found himself undoubtedly wanting it. With her… But no. She had said no. Like she always did. Even after excessively making out with him. Even despite how turned on he could tell she was. All of it was driving him mad. He had never been in this situation before. Wanting someone who for some reason kept denying they wanted him back. His temper rose with unwanted ease as she stumbled out the beginnings of another excuse. With the spark now uncontrollably lit he cut her off with a slam of his fist against the tree.

“Oh for fucks sake Tav! Just take what I am offering for once! Don’t you want this!?”

She did. She really did. But she also didn’t. She couldn’t give in. Not without the promise of more. No matter how badly her body was screaming at her to cave. Not even with how attractive Astarion looked leaning over her while aggressively panting. No. She had to stay firm. This was no different than all the other times they had flirted. It had gotten a little out of control, yes, but that didn’t mean it was any different. He hadn’t made any indication that he wanted anything more than a night with her. That this whole day wasn’t all a part of an elaborate trick. Sure he had confessed he didn’t want to leave her side but that didn’t mean he wanted her as his partner. He could have fully been only saying such things to manipulate her or potentially talking about their friendship if he had meant it. There had been nothing said to imply he wanted… her. *He said he wants your relationship to mean something too.* Tav swallowed down the hope rising up inside her. She had to stay firm. She couldn’t do this.

“No.”

It came out quietly and she cringed at the hurt that was so clearly conveyed through that one word. Within seconds Astarion was roaring and she couldn’t understand why he was so upset about this.

His sharp nails made a screeching noise as they scratched down the length of the tree. Torn up pieces of bark landed on Tav’s shoulders as he continued to shred the elm.

“WHY NOT!? WHY WON’T YOU JUST USE ME FOR WHAT I AM GOOD FOR!?”

She didn’t shy away at the flare of his blazing anger. Her resolve remained strong, like a rock untouched by the wind. If he had taken the time to analyze her expression he would have seen that she was upset by her words just as much as he was. The sound of her shaky voice had his attention redirecting to her and for a second he worried that he had frightened her. But no. That wasn’t the face one made when they were scared. That was the look of someone deep in pain.

“I can’t.”

Broad shoulders drooped, his hands left the tree. He held back the tears threatening to fall as he spoke with dejection.

“Why? Why Tav? Why?”

The pain on her face doubled at the hurt in his words. Her hands dug deeper into the tree trunk until she too was creating bark dust. Her own tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. All at once they came rushing out with a sob.

“IT’S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! GODS! How have you not gotten it through your thick skull yet!? I love you, Astarion! I love you so. damn. much! I have loved you for months… And it hurts! It hurts knowing you will never feel the same! Not once have I ever wanted to use your body or have you pleasure me. Not without knowing that I have you. I don’t want something shallow or transactional. I want you! Don’t you see? If I give in and let myself sleep with you that will be it. I will never be able to stop loving you then… And it will break me. Not being loved in return will break me. And I don’t think I could take it if my heart were to shatter.”

Astarion’s tears finally fell. The silent cascade ran from his eyes to his chin until they were dripping onto Tav’s face. She loved him. Loved. Him. Like he loved her. The whole day he had so desperately wanted to believe that what Gale had said could be true. And here she had gone and provided him the confirmation he had been longing for. She loved him. Wanted to love him. Wanted to be loved by him. He no longer felt sad. No longer felt angry nor rejected. She loved him. Loved everything he was and everything he could be. A gleeful smile overtook his face and he couldn’t hold it back even as he watched her expression of pain mingle with confusion. She loved him! Tenderly he reached up to wipe away her newest tear. Red met brown once more as his eyes bore into hers. His smile turned to soft happiness as he finally let himself fall.

“I am pretty damn sure I have loved you for months too…”

His voice was reverent. A solemn declaration. Tav’s hushed gasp rang throughout the darkened woods. Her bottom lip started to quiver. A clear tear made a path down her right cheek. With more tenderness than he had ever given anyone before, gentle fingers traced the tear stain until he was swiping it across that peach tremor. As he reached the corner of her mouth his hand turned to drag knuckles along her left cheekbone before his fingers dipped into her hair, tangling in the impossibly soft strands. He urged her face closer, delicately placing his forehead against hers when she gave in to his pull.

“My dear, sweet Tav. Your heart won’t shatter because I love you too. I love you, darling. I love what we have. The jokes that we share. The way that we flirt. I love the way you make me feel. Like I’m worthy. Like I’ve never done anything wrong. I love the light you bring to my life. How your presence is a sunbeam across my skin. And sweetheart, I want nothing more than to love you. Every day. For as long as time allows. So please, spend the night with me. Because for once, in all of my existence, I want this. I want you. I want it all. You give yourself to me tonight, Tav, and I promise… I will never be able to stop loving you either.”

By instinct her face slotted against his. His lips were so close to touching hers that she could feel his cool breath mingling with her warm puffs of air. Nothing else existed in this moment other than them. The sound of wind rustling leaves faded away. Nocturnal critters stopped foraging as they waited. The moon brightened until it was showering the two with its radiance, creating a spotlight on them and them alone. Her single whispered word launched the beginnings of a romance more powerful than the Gods.

***They closed the distance together. Simultaneously sweeping each other up in the most intimate kiss either of them had ever experienced. A step backwards had her body pulling away from the tree and with arms that had snaked their way back to her butt, he hoisted her higher so that she could hover above him. Tav moved in time with his actions, tilting her head so that their kiss would not break. She could feel herself giving in. Surrendering the last bit of resistance that lingered inside her chest to the intensity of his feelings for her. Her feelings for him. Sand colored hands lifted to his head, getting lost in his curls as her legs wrapped more tightly around his body. With a spin they were moving. The firewood and axe left behind as both of them forgot all reason as to why she had come to the forest to begin with. Knees bent as he dipped her, his gentleness from before completely gone as rough longing took its place. Her head bounced as it hit the dirt and their lips disconnected. But Astarion didn’t seem to mind as he smoothly transitioned to using the moment to push the grey vest from her shoulders and pull her tanktop over her head. He buried his face into her cleavage as new skin became exposed.

His lips ran the length of her collarbone down into the divot of her breasts then back up again. Expert hands snuck between their bodies deftly undoing the laces of her bra. The pieces fell apart exposing her chest in its entirety. He didn’t even take the chance to admire her, mouth immediately attaching to a hardened nipple. He gave it a couple of sucks before his teeth were biting at that sweet spot on her neck. Then his lips were back on her other breast sucking for longer this time before he was once again shoving his tongue into her opened mouth. As their kisses increased in heat he felt her hands tugging at the waistband of his pants urging him to press himself into her. With a chuckle he complied, once again blessing her with feeling the outline of his arousal. Her frantic attempts to grind against him had him pulling away with an actual laugh.

“Patience, pet. You don’t want this to be over too soon now do you?”

Her hips still searched for his as she swore.

“Dammit Astarion!”

He laughed again sitting upright to straddle her. Lithe fingers traced across her skin in lazy strokes, equal parts admiring and worshiping.

“I get that you’re enjoying yourself love, but good things come to those who wait.”

He circled a perky nipple before returning to his caresses. Red eyes mapped the expanse of her body that he could see. Sumptuous teardrop breasts. A slender waist. The definition of lean musculature. The beginnings of a leafy tribal tattoo disappearing along her right hip. And so many scars. She was gorgeous. The perfect picture of fierce femininity. A mighty heroine. Reluctantly he met her gaze as she challenged him.

“And how long do you plan to make me wait?”

A humorous exhale.

“Depends. How long can you resist me?”

A hook of her knees behind his thighs pulled him into her and she rolled up into him.

“Not long.”

With an amused but happy shake of his head he reconnected their lips. She felt like she could get lost in his feverish kisses. In the way his hands ran along her sides. He was incredible. Everything she had dared to let herself dream of. An Elven prince straight from a fairytale. A rakish rogue sworn only to her. Her mind drifted as they kissed. To pictures of the future. Memories of the past. It all seemed so unbelievable. And yet it was real. He loved her. Wanted to love her. She would sell her soul twice over to make sure he never stopped loving her. Her hands found their way under his shirt and she sighed at finally getting to touch the body she so admired. He broke their kiss for only a second as he pulled at his shirt from the back, tossing it away with careless disinterest. He suckled at her neck and she sighed again.

“I love you. And I’m sorry.”

His face retracted from her neck. Her eyes were still closed, a blissful smile still on her lips. He rested his head against hers, nuzzling her nose.

“I know.”

Her eyes scrunched as if in pain.

“I didn’t mean what I said. I was scared and hurt. I so desperately wanted that kiss to mean something that I let my emotions get out of control. I’m sorry.”

Bowed lips kissed hers.

“Tav, I know. Your explanation to Fenrir spoke volumes.”

Small hands pushed him off of her with a huff.

“You were eavesdropping!?”

He laid down on her again kissing her chin in an attempt to soothe her annoyance.

“Let’s not think about that right now darling.”

Her mouth curled into a mock snarl but her giggle as he continued to assuagingly kiss her gave her lie away.

“Prick.”

His chuckle reverberated along the skin of her throat.

“Oh don’t worry, dear. You’ll be feeling mine soon enough.”

A slap to his ass had him grinning.

“That’s not what I meant!”

A kiss behind her ear.

“Maybe not. But you’ve been thinking about it.”

More lighthearted giggles escaped her.

“You’re a bastard.”

“Only for you, my love.”

It took them no time to shed each other of the rest of their clothes. With a single hand he tugged off her trousers and underwear in one go while she worked at freeing him from his. Once bare he tackled her back to the forest floor grinding against her with reckless abandon. Her moans were music to his ears and with a final yes from her he sunk himself into her folds. Their bodies both shivered at the long awaited connection, his mouth capturing hers in a heated kiss before he was grunting into her neck.

“Fuck. You feel better than I ever imagined you would.”

Her needy whine had him twitching.

“The feeling’s mutual Star.”

The nickname had him groaning and he busied himself with kissing her all over her neck and shoulder as he waited for her body to adjust to him. When he felt her walls clenching in a plea for more he gave a few shallow thrusts to test her comfort level. When he received no protests, only moans, his hips pulled back to start up a rhythm of slamming into her. His pace was fast from the get go. His mind and body too worked up to bother with taking things slow. She didn’t seem to mind though as she met his enthusiasm with her own, moving in time with his every push and pull. Manicured nails dug crescents into the flesh of his back, holding onto him as he rocked into her with bruising speed. For a second he lost himself. Mind going back to all the times he had done this against his will. But her hands on his cheeks grounded him as she kissed him with a kindness his marks never had. This was Tav. His Tav. Not some poor soul he was meant to collect for Cazador. Not some guest he was meant to entertain. This was the love of his life beneath him. A woman so transcendent that he was helpless to the ways he had fallen for her. He returned her kiss, giving in to the pleasure he had denied himself for so long.

She could feel every ridge of him dragging against her walls. The pleasure was blinding and she hoped with all her heart that he was enjoying this just as much as her. When his eyes took on a far away glaze she cupped his face doing her best to bring him back. He had shared that he had spent his life seducing people for his master, but the details of how always remained vague. She had assumed sex had been a part of his ploys, another tool in which he was forced to use, but how he felt when performing it remained a mystery. She hoped he still enjoyed it. That the act hadn’t become something tainted. A kiss to his lips brought him back and he looked at her then. Fully looked at her. She tried to decipher the swirl of emotions within his eyes but then he kissed her back and her mind went blank.

The preoccupation of thoughts about her kept that familiar feeling of disgust at bay. She was warm against his cold skin, almost uncomfortably so where their bodies connected. The scent of her sweat, flesh, and arousal wafted through him further vanishing his history of sexual abuse. When he leaned down to take a breast back into his mouth he could taste as well as smell where traces of his cologne had transferred onto her body. The disgust was gone in an instant, his mind focused on one thing and one thing only. Making her smell more like him. He pulled off of her with a pop opting to rub his chest against hers like a cat rubbing against its owners legs. She cried his name at the combo of friction provided to her nipples and her most sensitive parts. It was the sweetest sound he had ever heard; his new goal detracting from his mission to pass along his scent to focus instead on making her sing for him. His thrusts turned harder and he let his weight press into her but she did not say his name again. He changed tactics, almost fully pulling out then stilling. She whined but did not cry his name.

“Fuck! Why’d you stop?”

“Just checking in. Still enjoying yourself darling?”

“Well I was~”

Her snark had him laughing.

“Such a shame that I stopped then.”

A raised eyebrow gave way that she’d indulge in his game.

“What do you want?”

He shot her a mischievous smirk.

“To hear you beg for it.”

She smirked in return. It wasn’t lost on her the way he had reacted when she’d howled for him. The way his thrusts had turned sloppy at the single utterance of Astarion. He clearly wanted to hear it again. But he had to ask for it. Beg her in return. Sickly sweet she tried beating him in this little competition of his making.

“Please?”

“Please what?”

“Please keep fucking me?”

He growled in frustration.

“You know, love, if there’s something you want you can just ask for it.”

His eyes narrowed as he realized she was toying with him.

“I think you know exactly what I want.”

Suddenly he rolled his hips into her, pushing deep, before he pulled back out again.

“Astarion! Fuck!”

She could feel the pride in his smirk.

“Now was that so hard?”

Tav scowled.

“Dammit Ass-tarion!”

He laughed at the manipulation of his name then reconnected their bodies with force.

“Once more darling. Let me hear your pretty voice.”

She sang for him exactly how he was hoping she would and his eyes darkened. With one last teasing thrust he returned to their previous pace of lovemaking. A hand flew to her bouncing chest groping and squeezing, while the other kept him propped above her. The more she sung his name the more tightly the coil in his abdomen wound. This was heaven. Gone were any memories of his past. Tonight it was just him and Tav. Unable to stay away he returned to kissing her, their tongues dancing all over again. Sometimes he led. Others, she wrestled away his control. Their bodies reached an equilibrium as their movements harmonized into one. As he was nearing his tipping point, he violently suppressed the high pitched needy moan that begged to be let out. Those kinds of noises weren’t manly and from the hundreds of women he had seduced he had quickly learned that genuine sounds of pleasure were a turn off. So instead of giving in to the noises he would have originally made he let out one of his practiced grunts. Tav broke their kiss immediately and his movements stalled in confusion.

“I want to hear your real voice Astarion.”

The startled but please squeak that escaped him was anything but masculine but his wounded pride was quickly soothed by the soft giggle against his ear. Playful lips teased the sensitive flesh succeeding in pulling out a real groan. His whole body shivered as she whispered heartfelt praises along the cartilage.

“That’s it baby. Just like that. Let me know that I’m making you feel good.”

A needy whine rose in his throat as she took over in taking him inside of her again and again.

“Ahhh! Fucking Hells Tav!”

“Yes sweetheart. Say my name. Chant it. I like hearing mine just as much as you like hearing yours.”

“Ahhgrr! Fuck TAV!”

He shoved her back to the ground so he could take over in reestablishing their brutal pace. As he thrusted he dipped his hand down to where their bodies met, flicking at the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs to try and get her to the point he was approaching. When his thumb pressed into it, her back arched off the dirt shoving her breasts flush against his chest and he grunted her name again as she wailed his. To his surprise he found himself smiling as she writhed from the pleasure he was providing her. He angled his hips to reach deeper. This was actually enjoyable. He didn’t think there would ever come a time where he’d find sex fun. That he could let go of the performance and feel good. With fascination he watched as her body reacted to his touch. Countless times he’d been told that he was good in bed but to see Tav keening at his every push and pull was more rewarding than any of those hollow words of praise. He wanted her to enjoy him. Enjoy his body and his skill. He craved her approval like an addict craved his next fix. Her voice was his drug. Her body intoxicating in all of the best kinds of ways. He wanted more. Wanted everything she could give him. He needed it as much as a living being needed air.

His thrusting turned harder, faster. His fingers kept busy playing with her nub. She squealed and squirmed and he felt like laughing from the sheer joy she was bringing him. He wondered then if this is what it felt like to be with someone you loved. No pretty words or betrayals of trust. No scheming in an attempt to survive. Just a genuine desire to indulge in each other. A way to love and be loved. He placed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. She wiggled to try and connect their mouths. His head dipped burying his face into the crook of her neck as he listened with veneration to the beating of her gifted heart.

“I love you Tav.”

His words were repeated back to him and his movements sped up to a final mind numbing speed. The press of his fingers increased and slowly he lowered the entire expanse of himself onto her. The hand that had been holding him up reached to hike her left leg up to his shoulder before going to cradle her head. Her heel pressed into his upper back while her other remained firmly wrapped around his hip. The new position allowed him to hit that spot inside of her that brought stars to her vision. She screamed his name over and over, chanting it like he was her God. He would do everything he could to make sure he would be. Her hands in his hair felt divine and as she moaned his name once more he brought her into a searing kiss. Tugging on his lips, she revealed his fangs as he panted, the fight to maintain control growing ever harder. Another pull to his hair jerked his head back providing access to his throat. A strangled moan left him as she began sucking a mark on his pale skin claiming him as hers.

“Tav… Tav! Fuck darling! Ahhh!”

He trembled and his thrusts stuttered when a sneaky hand moved to toy with his ears. He tried to keep going but his actions were getting sloppy. His member nearly slipping out from the sheer amount of lubrication their bodies had produced. He knew he wasn’t going to last. In a hope to bring her tumbling over the edge with him he begged her to let him have a bite.

“Let me…! Ughhhh! Let me taste you, my heart! Please! I want to savor the flavor of your undoing!”

The release of his hair was instantaneous, her hands moving to wrap around the back of his neck instead. She pulled him into her, tilting glistening neck to the side to give him access. Her heart thrummed to the beat of passion and he could not resist sinking his teeth into her as she gave him her final consent.

“Bite me Star.”

As fangs pierced her flesh she exploded. Her orgasm washed through her in waves. It was extraordinary and intense! The feeling of his hot release brought her to an all time high. Stars danced as she sang a song of love and she knew that she was forever his.

#astarion/tav #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 #astarion ancunin #bg3 fanfiction #female tav #baldurs gate fanfiction #smut #m/f smut #bg3 astarion #bg3 tav #astarion/oc #astarion romance #romance #fanfiction #astarion x tav #astarion

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fantasyheroine · 2 months ago

Text

Ah I love how you describe what I've written. You summarize the unseen elements so well. Thank you for taking the time to review every chapter. It truly helps me know where I hit the mark and areas that I can improve in. I hope this chapter gave you lots of light fluttery feelings. It sure did for me while I was writing it. I'll be honest, this is my favorite chapter so far. I've had the ideas for it written down for over a month so to finally put it into the grand scheme of the story was wonderful. From here we are finally out of angst territory and are starting to get into the meat of the fic. I think you will really like what I have coming for future chapters. Be on the look out for 6 and 7 pretty soon. And as always thank you for reading.

Written in the Stars - Chapter 5

Pairings: Astarion x Tav

Rating: Explicit

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Beta Read By: @thespookypumpkinwitch

Banner Created By: @rahuratna

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Chapter 4: Shall I Flutter By?

Word Count: 8,012

Warnings: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Song: Butterflies - Alex G

A/N: No notes. Just enjoy!

[Picture coming soon]

With a mad dash to a pile of boulders Tav felt cold metal sweep across her flesh. The cut stung like the Hells causing an angry hiss of pain to slip past her lips. The shifting of dirt beneath the tip of her toes made the twirl around that much easier. A knee connected with an unprotected crotch and with a curl of her lip, steel plunged into domed bone. The bandit leader dropped. The third man was charging her within seconds. A quick sweep of her leg and a twist of wrists disarmed the goon as he fell. Another thrust of her shortsword had that thief as dead as the other two she had taken care of. Tav turned and continued on her path to the high ground. Swords were sheathed as she ran and her hands reached to pull her bow over her head. A powerful leap landed her atop the boulders and she spun to take in the battlefield. Karlach was raging and plowing through bandits like they were nothing. Gale was backing her up with spells. Astarion, however, was a few paces away by himself. Eagle eyes narrowed and she kept her gaze trained on his every movement. He was doing an excellent job of fending off a man twice his size. A glint of silver behind him caught her attention. The string on her longbow pulled taut as she positioned an arrow steadily against her cheek. She held her breath, carefully taking aim. The missile did exactly what she wanted it to, narrowly missing Astarion’s ear as it found purchase deep in the forehead of the enemy.

His eyes met hers as he struck a final blow against the brute he was fighting. His gaze held elements of surprise but the red of his irises betrayed an emotion much stronger that she couldn’t make out. She didn’t look away from him as she released another arrow at the next man who dared to approach the Vampire. Astarion’s expression shifted and the intensity with which he was now looking at her brought a fluttering to her stomach. The sounds of battle died down around them as they stared at one another. The eye contact was broken as Karlach let out a raucous whoop.

“Hells yeah! We made quick work of those bastards!”

Reluctantly she redirected her attention to the barbarian. Karlach’s skin was still simmering with the remnants of flames but it was clear she was cooling down from her frenzy. Tav shook off the remains of whatever had just transpired between her and Astarion. It was time to lead again. A quick climb off the rocks let her approach the rest of the party. The two men had made their ways back to where the battle had originally broken out and stood on either side of the large Tiefling. She looked at the cluster of dead bodies that now engulfed them.

“You know the drill guys. Loot whatever’s valuable and leave the rest.”

She could feel Astarion’s eyes still on her as she went about collecting whatever arrows she could find. For a second she thought she could sense the faint coolness of his breath upon her neck but when she turned to look, he was a ways away picking over a dead body. Hair clung to her sweat riddled face as she shook her head to clear her thoughts. *Get a grip on yourself Tav. You need to focus on the mission. You can think about him later.* She plucked a shiny necklace off the body nearest to her and stuffed it in her pocket. Righting herself back to standing brought a wince to her face. Carefully she ran her gloved fingers over the gash in her side. Red stained the leather. She swore and pulled separated pieces of armor back together to cover the wound. She’d deal with the injury later. Right now they had to find an alternate path into the city. Once everyone had picked over the bandits, she led them into the forestry alongside the road. Her skills as a ranger allowed her to easily navigate the rough terrain and soon they were on the banks of the Chointhar river.

“We’ll travel alongside the water. The river leads right into the mouth of Baldur’s Gate. It will take longer but the woods will give us cover should we encounter any further attacks. Any objections?”

No one brought up any complaints and so she offered them the chance to rest and recoup as they ate an early lunch. Astarion lounged back against the trunk of a towering elm. He couldn’t pull his attention away from Tav. She was covered in blood, dirt and guts but that didn’t stop him from admiring her. Even while drenched in viscera she was breathtakingly beautiful. His body stirred as the thought of cleaning the blood off of her with his tongue invaded his mind. A shuddering breath helped him rein his thoughts back to something less explicit. If everything went the way he hoped it would when he spoke with her next then he’d have plenty of time to indulge in that fantasy later. Tav moved away from checking in on Karlach and Gale and headed towards the river bank. Images of her standing there hand in hand with their child resurfaced as he watched her stoop to clean her wounds. He looked away. The dream still seemed so fantastical. Otherworldly. He knew the chances of it being prophecy were slim. Still, he thought as he watched Tav once more, that future wouldn’t be anywhere near undesirable. Maybe he could make it come true through sheer will alone, should they both survive the final battle. A small smile slipped onto his face as he climbed to his feet, approaching her. An extended hand offered her help in getting back up. A wary glare and she was pushing herself up on her own.

The smile fell and he backed off. She was still putting distance between them. He thought that maybe her protection had been a sign of understanding. An offer for peace. But it appeared he’d been wrong. With a sigh he followed behind her, resuming the role of dutiful warrior as she began to explain what their next objective on this scouting trip was. It took them a few more hours to find a spot near the river suitable enough for a temporary travel camp. Many times he tried to approach her but she would simply increase the speed of her walking when she’d notice him nearing. On the fifth time she did just that, Gale dropped back to walk by his side.

“Still avoiding you, I see.”

Already on edge from being brushed off for the thousandth time, he snapped at the wizard. It wasn’t like he enjoyed defaulting into aggression but he was feeling vulnerable and didn’t quite trust anyone enough to not take advantage of it.

“And why’s that any of your business?”

An unimpressed judgement was engraved on the Human’s face. His arms found a place folded against his chest, his expression turning into a sulky pout.

“Just making conversation Astarion.”

“Well that was a lousy way of starting it.”

His rebuttal was quick, practiced. Gale dismissed it with a tut.

“She’ll come around, you know. Tav cares for you a lot.”

Ruby eyes rolled. He knew that. Tav had often called him her closest friend. Her favorite travelling companion. Her actions had demonstrated again and again that she valued him. Her words expressing care. And then there was that night. Before he’d kissed her, when sincerity had dripped from her tone as she expressed she wanted them to be more. More than friends. More than bedmates. Gale was only telling him things he already knew. Another sharp retort made its way out.

“What’s your point?”

A hand on his shoulder stopped him. He shifted so that his eyes left the backside of Tav’s body and instead focused on the wizard.

“My point is that it’s hard to stay away from someone you love.”

The popping of tired joints indicated his spine straightening. His eyebrows rose as he considered the magical man’s words. The revelation that he loved Tav had been so recent he hadn’t considered that perhaps the depth of his feelings could be returned. In his mind a desire to be with someone romantically didn’t automatically equate to love. Since that fateful night that had started this whole thing, it hadn’t once crossed his mind that Tav could very well be in love with him. He had simply thought she wanted to date him. Construct a relationship fueled by something other than lust. Or establish something sexually exclusive. But if she did indeed love him it put so many things into perspective. How she always turned to him first when something was weighing on her mind. How the laugh she gave him sounded different from the one she showed the others. Duties aside, she spent most of her time with him. Went out of her way to check up on him. Stayed up at night to chat with him. The way she watched him during battle today suddenly made sense. There was every chance that Tav was as madly in love with him as he was with her. The question slipped out before he could swallow it down.

“You think she loves me?”

Gale smiled at him with a hint of sadness and immediately he was on the defense. But his anxieties were quelled as the man answered.

“As much as I hate to admit it, yes. Ages ago I tried to romance her only to promptly be turned down after she glanced at you. Being the stubborn man I am, I kept pursuing her, despite the signs, until she gently mentioned someone else had caught her eye. The look she gave you that night at dinner told me I never stood a chance.”

A cock of his head gave away his curiosity and Gale elaborated.

“I fell for her right away. There was one time, early on in our travels, that she and I shared a moment channeling the weave. I was her conduit as she worked magic in a way she never had before. She was a natural at it. The way she mimicked my motions, flawless. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. There was a second where we could have connected deeper and I was yearning for it. But before anything could even begin she was shutting it down. From then on I made it my mission to battle your blatant flirtations in an attempt to convince her to choose me. I failed. It became clearer as each of my attempts missed their mark and she grew closer to you that her heart had been yours from the very beginning. It was folly to think any differently. It seems a humble gentleman loses once again in the face of a charming rake.”

Astarion considered Gale’s story carefully. He supposed his actions very well likely came off as rakish most of the time. After all, it had been his goal to seduce Tav from the moment he’d realized she could be of use to him. However the tale brought forth a dilemma he now had to face. How did one go about being genuine? Honesty was not a tool he knew how to wield. Charm and manipulations, yes, but authentic desire? He had no idea what one was supposed to do when standing in the face of love. Tentatively he attempted to extract the answer from the wizard beside him.

“Theoretically speaking, if she had returned your advances how would you have gone about wooing her once all was out in the open?”

“Theoretically? I would have given her a night of pure magic. After that, well, I’d have spent all my time making sure she felt fully appreciated and cared for. Aaaand in the face of any fights that cropped up along the way, I’d have concocted a symbolic gesture to show her I forgave her and that I was sorry for the part I'd played in the conflict.”

The rogue winced as Gale called his bluff, subtly giving him advice on how to navigate the current situation he found himself in with Tav. Time for beating around the bush was over. His whole body turned to face his companion as he asked for clarification.

“So you wouldn’t just apologize?”

Gale chuckled.

“This may sound like a bit of a shock coming from me of all people, but it is my humble opinion that words will never outweigh action. Speak with her when you can, of course, but in the meantime let her discern where you stand through other means of communication. From my position, the two of you already converse with each other quite efficiently without words. I highly doubt she’ll miss any point you try to make.”

His jaw set in a firm show of discomfort. Words he was good at, actions, however, not so much. The wizard picked up on his conflict offering one last suggestion.

“Do something that means a lot to the both of you. Or perhaps perform a gesture she has extended to you before that you’ve never reciprocated. Either way make your feelings clear. Tav values honesty above all else. Take a risk to give it to her.”

Once again the symbolism in his dream came to mind. Dream him took a risk jumping into the raging river to get to Tav. Now it was time for real him to do the same. A final question was asked.

“And if I do, make a move so to speak, you won’t stand in my way?”

Gale smiled at him.

“At this point? I’m rooting for you my friend. You’re a lucky man to have gained her attention and I hope nothing but the best for the two of you. Just… be the one to confess first will you. I’ve got money riding on it.”

The tension inside of him faded away and he genuinely laughed, shooting a humorous smile the Human’s way.

“Ha! Gods. I didn’t take you for a gambling man, Gale.”

“We all have our vices.”

“That we do…”

His eyes drifted over to Tav. She could very easily become his vice if he let her. The taste of her blood had already ruined him for anyone else’s. If he were able to kiss her chapped but soft lips everyday he had no doubt that her mouth would become his overall favorite taste. Time had led to her presence becoming his sanctuary. A small part of him hoped it could become his home. And if she were to bless him with the gift of her body? The feel of her pressed against him, around him, would become the one thing he craved most. He turned back to Gale with a smirk doing his best to hide his impure thoughts about their leader.

“Even so. I don’t make any promises.”

Gale punched him on the arm with a hearty chuckle and Astarion could feel the shift that letting someone in brought with it. He was still cautious of trusting others but he couldn’t deny that perhaps this was the start of a beautiful friendship between him and the wizard. With a slight smile he thought he might just let the relationship evolve for once as the two of them jogged to catch up with the pair of women. As the day progressed his mind flitted through all the different ways he could show Tav he cared. Nothing solid materialized leading to further pondering. Finally as they were fighting their last battle of the day an opportunity made itself known and he took it.

The walk back to camp was not as peaceful as their walk out of it. Jaheira’s reports had not been wrong as it seemed with every turn around previously shadow-cursed trees, cultists that had escaped the battle at Moonrise launched their own retaliation attacks against the four. One particularly bad skirmish had them using the rest of what remained of their skills. It was as Tav ran out of arrows that an angry follower of the Absolute charged her. She fumbled at pulling out her swords bracing for the inevitable hit when a dagger pierced through the Human’s throat. The male’s body slumped as the knife retracted and once again Tav’s eyes met Astarion’s as he now stood before her. He wiped his bloodied blade across the side of his enchanted leather armor before twirling it into a reverse grip. He watched her for a moment, eyes sparkling with something unnamed. Then he was approaching her, swiftly gliding to her side as he deliberately turned his back towards her. The look he gave her from over his shoulder was bewitching. His soft smirk reminding her just how Godsdamned attractive he was. Her heart skipped a beat. She knew what he was offering. She could hear him asking the question as clearly as if he had spoken it. ‘Fight back to back with me.’ It was a blatant show of trust. A version of what she’d been looking for ever since their kiss. Could this mean he was opening himself up to her? That his feelings had changed? The question for clarification formed on her lips but a new volley of cultists had her quickly turning and backing herself into him. Whatever he intended from the gesture would have to be analyzed later. As her body met his, she could feel his muscles relax and for a second could have sworn a contented sigh escaped him at the contact.

There was no time to process the curious reaction to her touch as the wave was upon them. Goblins, Drow, and Humans alike swarmed them like flies. Karlach was busy protecting Gale as he swung uselessly with his staff now that his magic had been all but expended. She felt Astarion dip to her right and with practiced grace they began their bloody dance. She moved in time with his body. With each jab of his daggers she protected him. With each swing of her swords he defended her. When he’d duck she’d roll her body across his back in a reversed somersault landing with a twist as her blade thrusted into his enemy. His feet would spin him to reconnect their shoulders finishing off whoever she had been fighting. Metal clashed against metal and soon the sound of colliding weapons provided the music to their dance. An elbow into his side informed him when she was about to use his body for leverage. His back muscles would tighten as she jumped and pushed off of him to gain height. Steel would pierce skulls as he backed himself into her once more after she’d land, reestablishing their point of connection. They spun in time like a well oiled machine, making their way throughout the fighting with effortless finesse. Their waltz was unstoppable. To any spectator it looked like they had been fighting together for decades. Without the need for any words Tav and Astarion were completely in sync. She knew him as well as he knew her.

When one particularly tall opponent came upon him, Astarion dropped to the ground clasping his hands together and launched Tav into the air as her heel stepped into his palms. Her body flew through the sky with an arch to her back that made her look like an acrobat performing a dazzling dynamic routine. At the last second she grabbed around the neck of the giant man taking him down with her from the momentum of her descent. As her body met the dirt, knees bent in preparation to launch the cultist straight into his waiting daggers. The beast fell and together they turned to finish off the last cultist. His hand lingered on hers where it had added power behind her final strike. Her back was flush against his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist to stabilize her thrust. He pulled away with a caress up her arm and a swipe of fingers along her hip. Her brown doe eyes looked up at him as she turned to face his front. Cheeks were flushed pink from battle making her look entirely adorable. The slight part of her plush lips as she took in air, enticing. A fang made itself known as he smiled down at her. Gods how had he not realized how fucking much he loved her? They fought like a dream. Her body molded against his like it was supposed to be there. She was perfect for him. He took a half step closer craving her near once more. What he wouldn’t give to lean down and capture her mouth with his. Gloved hands were wiping the sweat from her brow before she was turning away from him to go check on Gale and Karlach. He let the anticipation slip out of him, turning his face to the sky. Fighting with her had been incredible. It made him feel like things were right between them. A glance at her smiling and teasing Gale reminded him they weren’t. Jealousy clawed at his chest but his conversation with the wizard hours earlier calmed it back down. The man had fully relinquished the small stake he had in fighting for Tav’s affections. Astarion stood unopposed. A leather clad hand ran through his hair. Tonight. He would tell her everything tonight. And hopefully, come morning, she would be irrevocably his.

The sun was moments away from setting when the four finally stepped foot back in camp. Tav was quick to direct everyone to grab their things so they could reach the new site before the moon was fully out. Halsin shifted into bear form while Karlach and Lae’zel worked together at loading supplies onto the two ursidaes. Shadowheart summoned a band of undead servants instructing them to grab ahold of chests and burlap sacks alike. Everyone else shouldered their personal belongings waiting for Tav to give the cue. She gave a look around the place they had all called home for the past two months. So many memories were made in this mighty space by the lake. Friendships had been solidified, quests had been completed. It was hard to believe they were finally leaving it all behind. Her eyes drifted to the one person they always did when she was feeling insecure. He was fastening his rolled up red tent to his pack. As if he could sense her looking, Astarion glanced towards her. His normally slitted eyes were round and open, the smile he gave her, reassuring. For the second time her stomach fluttered. She could feel the tips of her ears turning pink. With a test of her willpower she looked away.

Everyone was fully ready now. She considered giving a speech but time was already tight. A swipe of her hand gave the order. It was time. Karlach led the charge, Lae’zel her backup should things take a turn. Shadowheart and Wyll took up the rear. Halsin and Ursa lumbered along second to last. Gale took over the duty of directing the undead which left Astarion and her alone in the middle. She subtly viewed him. He was walking on her right, back loaded up with various backpacks and a hand dragging a chest behind him. Scratch weaved between them as he chased Scamp up and down the row of marching warriors. A weight on her shoulder had her attention turning elsewhere. Fenrir adjusted himself as he landed on Tav. She gave him a nod in greeting.

“Fenrir.”

“Back to yourself I see.”

“About that. I was acting foolishly. I never should have drank as much as I did. I’m sorry I caused you to worry.”

From her side Astarion listened to the series of clicking and squaks coming from Tav as she turned to converse with Fenrir. He had noticed her looking at him and was slightly disappointed her attention on him had waned. Faintly he muttered the spell for speaking with animals that she had taught him months ago so that he could eavesdrop on whatever she and the falcon were talking about. Bird noises morphed into words and he trained his ears on their hushed conversation.

“I told you the pale one was bad for you.”

Astarion held back a scowl as Fenrir made a comment about him. Seconds later he was stifling his surprise as Tav defended him.

“He didn’t do anything, Fen. It was all me. I screwed up. I said things I shouldn’t have and when I realized what I did I couldn’t deal with it. Astarion has never once been at fault for any of this. I made assumptions when he kissed me. I let my emotions get out of control when he ignored me. I put words in his mouth when I never should have, pressuring him for answers he wasn’t ready to give. He’s not bad for me; I’m bad for him.”

The downturn of his lips was inevitable as he heard her sorrowful declaration. Never once had he thought she was bad for him. She was sunshine incarnate. Raising him from the shadows when he thought he was all but lost. She was exactly the kind of person he had prayed would come rescue him from Cazador before his hope had withered away. He kicked himself for all the things he had done to make her feel unworthy. He cursed all the lies he had spun. How could he make her believe him? Understand that while it had taken him far too long to figure out, he genuinely wanted her. Wanted it to mean something just like she did. Fenrir’s angry click brought him back to the discussion he really should not have been listening in on.

“He has been nothing but trouble from the very start. Do you forget all his scheming? Or how he kept his identity hidden until nearly killing you?”

“I always thought his scheming was kinda cute. Sure his motives were dubious but I mean that’s kind of what originally caught my attention. Why a man as handsome as him felt the need to pretend hinted that there was more going on beneath the surface.”

His feet missed a step. Tav had known he was manipulating her all along? Why had she engaged with him then? Any smart person would have kicked him to the curb the moment they realized he was playing games. He reconsidered their time together. Every smile she had given him. They way her eyes felt like they had seen through him. She knew. The whole time she knew. And still she had sought to befriend him. A new appreciation for her blossomed in his chest. How was there a person left in this world so wholly good as her? He took a sneaky glance her way. The colors of dusk flickered on her skin making her glow in purples and pinks. This whole trip he had taken her for granted. Worked manipulations that now seemed utterly ridiculous. She saw him for how he was. A severely flawed man who’d lost his way. And she hadn’t cared; daring to dig deeper for a chance at getting to know him. Instinct caused feet to move. His shoulder brushed hers. Her head turned as Fenrir flew away. Cold fingers brought her hand to his lips. He skimmed a kiss across her knuckles, immersed in everything she was.

Tav’s head spun and she pulled away with a jerk. The butterflies were back to wreaking havoc in her stomach. What was Astarion doing!? He was mad at her, wasn’t he? She had crossed a line in their last fight. Said things that could not be taken back. And yet, he wasn’t snapping at her. In fact he didn’t even seem fazed by her rejection of his kiss. That same soft smile he had been giving her all day spread across his features, perhaps even more sweet than it had been earlier. Her heart did a flip. Oh, she really liked that smile. She had always loved his smirks. They were sexy and made him look as hot as the Hells. But they were all a part of the mask he wore and even though it had gotten less intense over the past months, his smirks turning lighter, he had never fully let that mask drop. Not like he was right now. Carnelian eyes gazed down on her with… Was that affection? Sure there was still charm and flirtation beneath his current smile but the way he looked at her right now… It was as if she was the last star twinkling in the night sky before surrendering to day. It was real.

Suddenly he was too close. His face hovering above hers. She stumbled back. He caught her wrist before she could trip over her trunk. She could feel the heat of his touch searing through her gloves. He helped to right her. His hand withdrew but hung between them palm up. An invitation. For a second she considered taking it but guilt stopped her. She didn’t deserve his forgiveness even though she clearly had it. With a quick glance back up at his smile her steps hurried, once again taking her away from the risk of falling into him.

His hand grazed hers many more times as they walked, with enough frequency that she knew he was doing it intentionally. Each time made those butterflies soar higher until the strength of them all but encompassed her whole being. Still, she did her best to resist the magnetic pull that was slowly growing between them. Why had he forgiven her? She had said absolutely awful things. Taken advantage of the trauma he’d shared in confidence and used it against him. It still baffled her that he had even come back in the first place. There was no way his mind had found a way to excuse it. There just wasn’t. But then his hand would brush hers again and the doubt would creep in. His actions gave no indicators he was still upset. Hells he had even trusted her enough to protect him today. He wouldn’t have done that if he held any animosity towards her. A peek in his direction had her deciding to apologize properly. The words had nearly left her mouth before Karlach was letting them know they had made it. Gently arched brows furrowed as frustration washed over her. Dejectedly she made her way to the front of the group but not without purposefully gliding her fingers against his.

Astarion couldn’t listen as she began to dole out instructions, mind too wrapped up in the fact that she had touched him back. It was a huge victory after having been avoided for nearly three whole days. He felt that ache rise up in his chest again but this time it was different. The sensation didn’t hurt like it had before. Instead it felt light, almost fluttery. The tingle of it spread through him like a wildfire. He zeroed in on Tav. Now! He had to tell her now! His movements turned into a jog as he shrugged off his packs and left all of his things discarded to the side. She was rummaging through the sacks and chests the undead had placed on the edges of their new campsite. Her hand was clutching at her left side and the coppery tang of blood hit his nose. Her wound had reopened. He dropped to one knee, grabbing her hand in his.

“Here. Let me.”

She flinched at his sudden appearance. In her haste to find healing supplies she hadn’t even heard his approach. Which was unusual considering she had memorized the pattern of his footsteps and had spent many a night practicing honing her ears to pick up on his talented sneaking. Her chin tipped down taking in how he was holding her hand in his. He had her small palm sandwiched between his larger ones. Her breathing turned shaky, nerves misfiring for a whole slew of reasons. She was nervous being this close to him. Nervous from how kindly he was treating her. But she was also excited. His caring touch had her desiring more. A yearning to see just how far this soft side of him went. She put her walls up holding back the rampage of emotion threatening to explode.

“I can manage.”

He sighed. Once again she was resisting him. He could hear the way her heart was palpitating in her chest. It was frenzied. The kind of beating that occurred in the midst of passion or in the face of fear. He couldn’t make out which hers was. He hoped it was passion but her expression spoke of anxiety. Though her touch from before suggested that it may be a bit of both. He let her hand fall back to resting.

“I can smell the blood on you Tav. Your side is bleeding again. If you don’t sit down you might faint from how much you’ve lost today. Let me help you.”

“Really I’m fine. You don’t…”

“Sit down.”

His words were firm and commanding but not unkind so she let him guide her into a seated position. He turned to resume searching in her stead, shuffling through all of their party’s supplies. A swear told her he was unsuccessful in finding anything.

“Damn. Looks like we’re fresh out of potions. We’ll have to go about this the old fashioned way.”

The fact that he seemed so determined to help her did nothing to quell her building excitement or her scattered uncertainty. She weighed the pros and cons that letting him help her would entail. Con- she’d feel indebted to him adding to her already overpowering guilt. Pro- she could take a moment to recoup as he stitched her up. Con- she’d have to endure his hands on her again. Pro- his hands would be on her again. Con- she might say something she regrets and make matters worse. Pro- his hands would be on her. Con- she could make a fool of herself from how badly she loved him. But he would be touching her. He would be…

"I can sew myself up Astarion."

Internally she face-palmed. *Way to go Tav. Just keep pushing him away, why don’t you?* She braced herself for his acceptance of her rejection.

"Darling we both know I'm quicker. And my stitches are much neater. I've seen the jagged scars left on your arms from hasty sewing. This wound is going to leave a nasty mark as is. You don't need anything making it heal worse."

Ugly anger reared its head once more as she struggled to interpret his meaning.

"I'm perfectly capable of…!"

"I know, Tav."

Her defences crumbled, the argument she had planned fizzling into the night air. There was no snark to his words. No sarcastic rebuttal. Only genuine concern and complete understanding. It threw her off guard. How had Astarion changed so much in the span of such little time? What was different? Why wasn’t he still fighting her like he had been? Where was the gaslighting? The deflecting? Her pause gave him time to acquire a needle and thread and soon he was nestled beside her, waiting. His voice sounded like magic as he spoke to her with a gentleness he never had before.

"Do you need help taking off your armor?"

Her head shook, partially in response but also in part to try and break out of whatever trance he had put her in.

"No. I... I can manage it."

Strong muscles worked to turn her body as Tav reached behind her to unclasp the breastplate of her scalemail. A sharp pain brought forth a hiss fully halting her attempt. Without another word, Astarion slipped behind her, nimble fingers working the clasps until they were undone. She felt his hand tickle her shoulder as he pushed the two sections of armor apart. The breastplate fell. Brown eyes fluttered shut at the caress he gave her back; goosebumps erupting across her skin as she shivered. She dared a look at him. He was watching her, fangs peeking out as he breathed heavily.

The way she reacted to his touch made that wildfire from before tingle lower. It burned deep below the surface of his belt. She met his gaze and his breath hitched. Her pupils were blown, black blotting out the majority of her irises. He had seen many people look at him in the same manner before but when her eyes met his he couldn’t deny that this was entirely different. Her body moved towards him a fraction of an inch and he would have done the same if it weren’t for the second hiss of pain she let out. *Calm yourself Astarion. Take care of her first.* Carefully he positioned her form so that her side was completely exposed to him. The rip in her shirt spanned the length of her lower stomach up to her bottom most rib giving away a hint to the size of the gash. He bit his lip. This would not be a pleasant fix. With tender hands he set to work on prying the frayed fabric from the wound. Dried blood had caked it to her skin with some places having scabbed over it. Tea rose lips formed around a curse. He’d have to cause more harm to get the cloth of her shirt out of the way. With a muttered warning he broke the first scab. Her yelp of pain pulled at his heart strings but his actions did not cease. Blood pooled more quickly as he broke away the barriers holding it back. It continued like this for a few minutes. A cry of discomfort, a tug at the cloth. The moment it fully broke free they both breathed a sigh of relief.

He tried to examine the slash but the flaps of the freed shirt kept getting in his way. He ripped it further apart, the tear now going up to the bottom of her breast as it exposed the entirety of her toned torso. This time fingers grazed skin as he moved to inspect her injury. He tried to ignore the shiver it brought forth from her. Tried to ignore how he ached to keep touching her. The cut bled sluggishly but with a persistence that told all he needed to know. It wouldn’t heal on its own. He stood to return to the collection of camp supplies, a bottle of alcohol in his hands suggesting what he would do next as he kneeled beside her once more.

"Go on. Get it over with."

Tav looked away with a pant. The air stung the now exposed wound and without the bucket loads of adrenaline she had been running on all day the simple act of breathing was enough to cause it to throb. Astarion gave her a sympathetic smile.

"It's going to burn."

"I’m aware."

A grit of her teeth gave him his cue. She grunted as the hot sting of the substance washed over her flesh. Her fists clenched but she did not shy away like most would have. It spoke to just how many times she had done this. The burn faded and she watched as once again Astarion left her side to fetch a pail of water. He had to go to the river to collect the liquid but was soon to return with rags, towels, and soap. Her body lurched as she made to reach for the bucket but pale hands batted hers away.

"I've got this."

A question tumbled out before she could stop it.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

His motions froze, the rag he was wringing out dripping ominously as he didn't respond. All day he had tried to plan what he would say once he had a chance to speak with her but now in the face of the moment finally having crashed upon him, he hesitated. How did one even begin to apologize? To explain, or confess? He had never been in this position before. Every single relationship he had had since his death was either toxic or fake. How was he supposed to even start something real? His hands kept busy as he thought.

The touch of the wet rag had her flinching slightly as he began to clean her wound more thoroughly. The alcohol would kill off any infection but it hadn’t removed the grime. Slowly his hands wiped away the after effects of the day. Peachy lips turned downward as he continued to not answer her question. The confusion inside her grew. A leg started to bounce. She tried to recall any hints he had given her that she might have missed, memory floating back to the battle they had fought together. His meaningful looks, the soft smiles, the way he had shown her trust. A conclusion began the start of taking shape. She smothered it, along with the hope it brought. She couldn’t let herself jump to anything concrete. Assumptions had been the leading factor of their fights. Hope drawing her to believe their kiss had meant something to him as well. She couldn’t make the same mistake twice. A hum had her attention returning to him.

"Open."

He was holding a rolled up towel next to her mouth. Without protest she did as asked. The fluff of the white cotton brought forth an uncomfortable dryness as it was placed between her teeth. Jaw muscles flexed and unflexed as she adjusted to its shape. Then she bit down. The needle pierced through her swollen flesh like it had a personal vendetta against her. Stars twinkled within her vision as her eyes screwed shut. Another grunt managed to escape her unwilling body. The feeling of the next puncture was no better than the first but some of its pain was soothed by the little spirals Astarion had taken up drawing along her stomach. She forced all five of her senses to focus on that touch, her eyes slowly opening after a time. His voice brought her attention away from his hand and onto his face. All at once the pain no longer mattered.

"I'll be the first to admit that I am not good at apologies. But I do know how to recognize when I've been in the wrong. I hurt you. I never intended to hurt you. It was simply a reflex. A last ditch attempt of my defences to ward you off. I know your words were of the same vein. A response to the hurt I had caused."

Tav’s heart sped up, beating furiously against her chest. Was Astarion attempting to… apologize? It was her fault they had fought. She had let her emotions get out of control. Snapped at him. Toyed with his insecurities. Hells, she had even shot at him. If anyone should be apologizing it was her. His words continued before she could even consider offering up her own apology.

"I didn't mean to be cruel to you darling, but understand that it is entirely frightening to feel new emotions after so long spent feeling the same. You make me feel different. Make me feel things I can't even name. Yet no matter how hard I tried to resist, I couldn't get rid of any of them.”

A little gasp vanished into the cool air. She made him feel things he never had before? New emotions he had tried to smother the same way she had been suppressing her feelings for him? Could her conclusion actually be right? Did he care about her? A low, self-deprecating chuckle extracted her from her thoughts.

“And trust me, my dear, I have tried.”

A pause. Astarions hands were still working steadily as he weaved the needle in and out of her skin. Her wound was slowly closing from his neat little stitches. He took a breath. A shuddering sort of intake that betrayed the nervousness he felt. He continued, trying his best to keep the waver out of his voice.

“Still, somehow, you have become my greatest weakness. You simultaneously make me the best and worst man I have ever been. It is terrifying... Exhilarating. For the first time in my life I feel alive. You make me feel alive…”

The admission weighed heavily between them. Pretty features had gone slack in shock. Anything she had planned to say disappeared as the implication of his words penetrated her soul. Desperately she tried to meet his eye. His head remained focused on her injury.

He could feel her gaze burning a hole into the side of his face. He worked the final section of the gash, preparing himself for what he was about to say. Broad shoulders tightened. Back muscles rippled. He fought the instinct to run.

“I may not know where this path leads, but I do know one thing with certainty."

The last stitch was sewn and with a tug of his teeth he cut the string, tying it, before finally meeting her eyes. That soft smile was back dancing along his wetted lips. Ruby irises flickered with anxiety but a fierce determination. With bated breath she waited for whatever he had to say next.

A pale hand rose. It cupped Tav’s cheek. He stroked a finger along the pink flush that coated her cheekbones. She was perfect. Everything he wanted and more. His head leaned closer to hers. His expression morphed to one of complete adoration, eyes crinkling at the sides as his smile coated his whole face.

"I don't want to live a day without you by my side. So tell me, what am I supposed to do here? Because I have spent the whole day trying to make this right. But truthfully? I don’t have a clue what I am doing. How do I make this, us, mean something?"

Her body melted into his. The hand on her cheek moved swiftly to support her back. Knees crawled so he could hover above her. A strong thigh slitted itself between her legs. She whimpered.

"Star..."

The nickname she had affectionately been calling him since one of their late night fire chats slipped out for the first time since their kiss. He was still smiling at her. Even softer than before if that was possible. They way he was looking at her made her feel like she was the only person in the world. The only person in his world. Cool breath wafted over her face. Her eyes slipped closed, full lips parting.

"Tav, I think I..."

The tadpole behind his eye squirmed, her thoughts invading his mind by accident. He heard the raw longing in the words her mind whispered. They perfectly matched the sentiment he was about to convey. The last two standing out in particular as he had nearly said them himself.

'Let me love you...'

His features slackened and his bottom lip quivered, red eyes going glassy.

"I..."

Her tongue darted out from between her teeth to anticipatorily swipe over her bottom lip and he couldn’t finish his sentence. All he could think of was how much he wanted to kiss her. She whined his name in question and he knew he was ruined for eternity. He would spend the rest of his life making sure she did nothing but cry his name.

"Astarion?"

"Tav..."

It was a beg. He knew it was but for the life of him he didn’t care because she was waiting for him. That unspoken language they had developed, giving her consent. Silver curls brushed her forehead as his head dipped. Her long, black lashes batted enticingly. His nose brushed hers. He could see every one of her cute little freckles. He could almost taste her flowery scent working to draw him in. He was going to kiss her. Millimeters were all that kept them apart. His eyes closed too now, dexterous fingers sliding up her thigh, aiming for her waist. His lips grazed hers as he prepared to capture her mouth with his once and for all, but with a squeak she was scrambling away as Gale’s voice rang out that dinner was ready.

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fantasyheroine · 2 months ago

Text

Written in the Stars - Chapter 5

Pairings: Astarion x Tav

Rating: Explicit

Playlist for the fic

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Beta Read By: @thespookypumpkinwitch

Banner Created By: @rahuratna

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Previous - Next

Chapter 5: Shall I Flutter By?

Word Count: 8,012

Warnings: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Song: Butterflies - Alex G

A/N: The drawing is mine and I do not want it to be redistributed or used without my explicit permission. Thank you.

“Hells yeah! We made quick work of those bastards!”

“You know the drill guys. Loot whatever’s valuable and leave the rest.”

“Still avoiding you, I see.”

“And why’s that any of your business?”

An unimpressed judgement was engraved on the Human’s face. His arms found a place folded against his chest, his expression turning into a sulky pout.

“Just making conversation Astarion.”

“Well that was a lousy way of starting it.”

His rebuttal was quick, practiced. Gale dismissed it with a tut.

“She’ll come around, you know. Tav cares for you a lot.”

“What’s your point?”

A hand on his shoulder stopped him. He shifted so that his eyes left the backside of Tav’s body and instead focused on the wizard.

“My point is that it’s hard to stay away from someone you love.”

“You think she loves me?”

Gale smiled at him with a hint of sadness and immediately he was on the defense. But his anxieties were quelled as the man answered.

A cock of his head gave away his curiosity and Gale elaborated.

“Theoretically speaking, if she had returned your advances how would you have gone about wooing her once all was out in the open?”

“So you wouldn’t just apologize?”

Gale chuckled.

His jaw set in a firm show of discomfort. Words he was good at, actions, however, not so much. The wizard picked up on his conflict offering one last suggestion.

Once again the symbolism in his dream came to mind. Dream him took a risk jumping into the raging river to get to Tav. Now it was time for real him to do the same. A final question was asked.

“And if I do, make a move so to speak, you won’t stand in my way?”

Gale smiled at him.

The tension inside of him faded away and he genuinely laughed, shooting a humorous smile the Human’s way.

“Ha! Gods. I didn’t take you for a gambling man, Gale.”

“We all have our vices.”

“That we do…”

“Even so. I don’t make any promises.”

“Fenrir.”

“Back to yourself I see.”

“About that. I was acting foolishly. I never should have drank as much as I did. I’m sorry I caused you to worry.”

“I told you the pale one was bad for you.”

Astarion held back a scowl as Fenrir made a comment about him. Seconds later he was stifling his surprise as Tav defended him.

“He has been nothing but trouble from the very start. Do you forget all his scheming? Or how he kept his identity hidden until nearly killing you?”

“Here. Let me.”

“I can manage.”

“I can smell the blood on you Tav. Your side is bleeding again. If you don’t sit down you might faint from how much you’ve lost today. Let me help you.”

“Really I’m fine. You don’t…”

“Sit down.”

“Damn. Looks like we’re fresh out of potions. We’ll have to go about this the old fashioned way.”

"I can sew myself up Astarion."

Internally she face-palmed. *Way to go Tav. Just keep pushing him away, why don’t you?* She braced herself for his acceptance of her rejection.

Ugly anger reared its head once more as she struggled to interpret his meaning.

"I'm perfectly capable of…!"

"I know, Tav."

"Do you need help taking off your armor?"

Her head shook, partially in response but also in part to try and break out of whatever trance he had put her in.

"No. I... I can manage it."

"Go on. Get it over with."

"It's going to burn."

"I’m aware."

"I've got this."

A question tumbled out before she could stop it.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Open."

“And trust me, my dear, I have tried.”

“I may not know where this path leads, but I do know one thing with certainty."

Her body melted into his. The hand on her cheek moved swiftly to support her back. Knees crawled so he could hover above her. A strong thigh slitted itself between her legs. She whimpered.

"Star..."

"Tav, I think I..."

'Let me love you...'

His features slackened and his bottom lip quivered, red eyes going glassy.

"I..."

"Astarion?"

"Tav..."

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