felismaula - Tumblr blog

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Sergey Demidov  -  http://veerart.tumblr.com  -  http://sergeydemidov.deviantart.com

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It’s universally agreed that the mimic, a monster that impersonates a treasure chest and eats you if to try to open it, is the sort of conceptually ridiculous threat that could only come from old-school Dungeons & Dragons, but I suspect that a lot of folks who got into the game post-2000 - or who’ve only heard about it second hand - don’t realise just how representative it really is of the kind of dungeon-dwelling bullshit we had to put up with back in the day.

I’ve got a copy of the Monstrous Manual for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition (pub. 1993) in front of me, and in this book alone you’ll find:

A shapeshifting subterranean predator that impersonates doorways

A monster that looks like a cloak, and when you put it on it eats you

A giant - as in 20 feet across - flying manta ray that looks like the ceiling*

At least three unrelated beasties that impersonate decorative statues

A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a rock formation

A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a pool of water

A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a brick wall (you may have noticed that flesh-eating oozes are something of a theme)

An undead critter that also looks like a brick wall (the explanation for how it pulls this off is like half a page long)

A tentacled whatsit that impersonates a pile of trash

A snail-like critter that disguises itself as a stalactite, then falls on your head when you walk underneath it

A monster that looks like a stalagmite (can’t have one without the other, right?) that grabs you with sticky tentacles when you walk past

A monster that looks like a tree, and when you walk beneath its branches it sneakily places a noose-like vine around your neck and hangs you

A flying mushroom that looks like a different monster, except when you attack it, it explodes and infects you with poisonous spores

* Interestingly, there are no less than three apparently totally unrelated species of giant flying mantra rays in this book, though only one of them impersonates architecture.

And that’s just in the core rules for that particular edition. Various supplements for this and previous editions have included carnivorous floors, undead clothing, malevolent furniture, and - I swear I’m not making this up - a beastie that looks like a tree stump with a rabbit standing on it, and attacks you if you try to catch the rabbit (which is actually an anglerfish-like lure).

Basically, there are two things you should take away from this:

1. The variant mimics you see on Tumblr are no more ridiculous than what you’ll find in the actual source material; and

2. In old-school Dungeons & Dragon, literally everything is trying to kill you.

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what your favorite zelda game says about you

The Legend of Zelda: you are 40 years old

The Adventure of Link: you’re 40 years old, and gay 

Faces of Evil: you dont know when a joke is taken too far

Wand of Gamelon: you dont know when a joke is taken too far and also youre a lesbian

Link’s Awakening: you need love and a vacation

Ocarina of Time: you think all games made ever since fucking suck

Link to the Past: you help everyone you meet

Link Between Worlds: you especially help everyone you meet and also youre gay

Wind Waker: you love ancient epics and only wear pajamas

Twilight Princess: youre a furry

Minish Cap: YOU’RE ADORABLE

Hyrule Warriors: no items fox only final destination

Four Swords/Four Swords Adventures/Triforce Heroes: your friends would do anything for you, including punch you in the face

Majora’s Mask: youre edgy and/or very sad

Skyward Sword: you’re really, Really gay

Phantom Hourglass: youre gay for linebeck probably

Spirit Tracks: you really like trains and being tossed around by strong girls

Oracle of Seasons: youre a pumpkin spice hipster

Oracle of Ages: youre a vintage hipster

Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland: you are a strange, horrifying creature with no corporeal form

Breath of the Wild: you astral project every day

Link’s Crossbow Training: you play fpses online and tell people you fucked their mom

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Am Done ….

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You know who you are.

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A Vine compilation (part 1?) 

Since Vine is going to be killed, I needed to salvage some of these timeless masterpieces.

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release the charjabug

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Cyberpunk 88

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Compilation of my Surreal Tigers over the last year(s) :) This was a fun sketch subject to work on, but I’m moving on to other things now and probably won’t be adding to these guys anymore. 

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