fembxyartist - Tumblr blog

[fembxyartist]

Finally got weighed again recently. Last year i was like 5'2 or maybe 5'1 and weighed 119 lbs 🙁 Now i'm 5'6 and weigh 115.7 I haven't lost much but I have grown to be a bit taller so it makes sense. Hopefully i'm able to get to 110 or 100 though at least. I really want to, i just have people keeping too close of an eye on me so it's difficult.

(ignore tags, not pro for others. just myself.)

[fembxyartist]

I've been really depresed lately. I see myself in the mirror and not only do i see something gross and ugly, I see a monster. I think of everything bad I've done, even by mistake and I feel like I shouldn't be allowed near other people. I'm just going to hurt them anyways.

[fembxyartist]

Bro I'd straight up rather die. idk if that should be banned but holy fuck wow.

That is just straight up nightmare fuel.

2,600 calories?!!

Nope.

[fembxyartist]

That fun feeling when you're trying to throw up but you have very little to no gag reflex.

ahah I need help.

[fembxyartist]

Nobody:

Me when i look in the mirror after eating more than 1 calories in a day: "fat bitch"

(again, not pro just tags)

[fembxyartist]

TW: ED, Drugs

Context: If you don't feel like going through my other posts, I have anorexia. I also happen to work at Mc.Donalds and enjoy getting drunk/high when I can. (Even if I am a minor) No, I don't need the legality pointed out I am aware it's not allowed of course.

Anyways, when I'm high I do tend to get more hungry and I can't stop myself from eating no matter how hard I try and I hate it. I have no gag reflex either so I can't purge. I can't give up drugs because they are one of the few things that brings me from sad to numb rather than just being sad all the time.

I can't keep this up though, I can't keep eating so much. I'm so fucking ugly and gross and I don't know what to do. I can't get better, I can't recover. I don't know how and I like looking like this. When I see my bones poking out even a bit it makes my day.

Everything constantly just feels bad, and I do want to give up on trying at all anymore but I have my friends and I can't risk hurting them. I have just been using weed to stop feeling for a bit but it doesn't help enough. It just hurts when I look in the mirror afterwards. I just feel so gross. I want to starve myself for weeks on end but I would be sent to a hospital and forced to recover.

(TL;DR: I'm a dumb bi trans kid who hates themself and starves themself due to tons of trauma and can't handle emotions anymore so I turn to substance abuse to avoid my problems.)

ALSO: not pro ed, just venting and tags.

[fembxyartist]

TW: ED

Day 5 of working at a McDonald's, I can’t eat any of their food or smell it without being so nauseous I almost actually throw up. While at work I feel sick, but once I'm back home I feel better.

Running orders out to cars and all that has kept me rather active as well, that and not eating has seemed to affect me. I only had a half bag of gummy bears (at most) today. I don't think I ate at all yesterday either.

Working here has been really good so far, I made around $390 before taxes this week, and worked 30 hours (which I'll get next week bc paychecks work weirdly) I have definitely lost weight and I'm getting better and better at faking happy.

Work is also a really good way to help not think as much, I have a lot of problems old and current and this is helping me stress a bit less about it all. Not as much time to think means not as much time to worry. Also, I can buy myself a switch soon. Can't wait to be able to play stuff like Animal Crossing ^w^

Overall, even though I'm dealing with an ED and a lot of other issues things are going about as okay as they could be. Soon I may even be able to get glasses (as I've needed them for years, but my mother is irresponsible to say the least. again, not pro ed for others. just tags)

Hope you all have a great day.

[fembxyartist]

Reblog if you’re in the Yes-I-Have-An-Eating-Disorder-No-You-Shouldn’t-Starve-Yourself club

[fembxyartist]

TW: ED

Just started training to work at Mc.Donalds, it's my second day so far and I have been sexually harassed by one old guy and given creepy looks by some others.

It's honestly been helping me a little bit even if it really sucks, it makes me lose my appetite really easily. I haven't been able to eat and the smell of food, especially the food there makes me physically nauseous.

All I had today on break and after work was two teas, and when I got home I couldn't even eat half of a sandwich. Even if I hate how stressful this new job is, I think it'll be helpful. I'm on day 2 of barely eating at all and I've only been working just as many days.

I do not advocate for others to do what I am doing by the way, which is why no matter what I look like I'll never post pictures of myself because it could trigger someone. I just hate myself a lot, and believe this may help.

Anyways, I'll update if I feel like it. Sorta will be using this like a journal, where just about no one will see it.

[fembxyartist]

Hey, I'm looking for advice on how to be better about fasting. I'm not pro ana for others or anything, just want tips if you have any.