fleurite-archive - Tumblr blog

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Phlox - På Kanten af Istiden

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The Boatman by 412goose

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2019-08-07

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instagram | clangart

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ok so it's not just today's high temperatures keeping me from catching up, it's also the mental rut i've been in since i injured my back. it's doing a lot better now but i still have to mind my posture and the chores i do to keep it from hurting

i also need to actually do the exercises my physical therapist left me with on a regular basis

but in the meantime while i recover, there's a lot of things i can't do as easily anymore. i can't get all the laundry done in a single day. i can't stand at the stove or counter long enough to cook a meal start to finish, much less wash a good amount of dishes in the deep sink. i can't bend forward for very long as is required for washing the bathroom, cleaning the litter box, sweeping, folding laundry, mending clothes, clean out the fridge, et cetera, et cetera!

i'm not completely helpless, my roommates have been really supportive while my injury heals. i try not to leave everything to them and do what i'm able, but it's nearing 3 months since i sprained my back and i still have no semblance of routine beyond work and video games. it's hard not to feel guilty when they come home and i realize i left dishes out or something...

also hi 👋🏻 still behind on laundry

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also hi 👋🏻 still behind on laundry

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my balcony blocks my view of the playground, but I heard one child yell "I FOUND A FROG" with a great deal of excitement and now there is screaming, so I'm filling in some blanks

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modishfae

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babies (continued!) [ID in alt text]

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so fucked up that so much of our lives is dedicated to being a good student & good employee. it is no longer enough to have good grades or to do ur job well now u have to manufacture this narrative of yourself that is perfectly tailored to what universities &employers want to see. this is why we cant settle for being amateurs at anything I think.. we have so little free time & yet we feel like spending it without being "productive" is laziness.... I want to bake mediocre bread. & collect cool rocks. take naps. play tennis badly. try rock climbing. boil eggs to put in my pockets & eat at the park. fuck everything else

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Biological atlas with text. 1880. Book cover.

Internet Archive

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i hate when i make body-hair positivity posts and people (almost always white) comment with stuff like “yes fuzz is so cute!” like no….i’m not here for my girls with just fuzz i’m here for girls who have thick dark coarse hair all over their bodies, girls who have eyebrows thicker than their dad’s, girls whose eyebrows blend in with their hairlines, girls with mustaches, girls with thick sideburns, girls who have hairy arms, legs, toes, fingers, and hands, girls with nipple hair, girls who can’t tell where their tummy hair ends and their happy trail begins, girls with back hair, girls with unibrows. hair doesn’t have to be peach fuzz on a white body for it to still be cute.

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i hate every single post about gacha addiction on this website because no one on here understands how addiction works and instead talks to ppl who struggle w/ addiction like they’re stupid baby children. most of these posts don’t even explain WHY you shouldnt spend money on gacha and instead go “haha 500 dollars on jpg” <- this meme is stupid and patronizing, please stop adding it to posts that are supposedly made to address this specific issue

so here’s an ACTUAL post about the matter. here’s the reason why you should generally avoid spending money on gacha: they operate on lottery mechanics. this goes double for ppl who’ve struggled w/ addiction in the past and/or individuals who may be more susceptible to developing addictions. indeed, gacha addictions operate much like gambling addictions, and could effectively be considered to be a variation of them. 

going into a Huge Ramble regarding the exact particulars of how gambling addiction works is beyond this post, but the basic principle we all tend to be familiar with. gambling establishments will draw in players through offering a minimal amount of free currency to get started with, and cheap lodging (with the expectation that the money lost will be made back through gambling). gachas do much the same through offering players free currency ESPECIALLY to newer players. the idea is to start players off with enough in-game currency so they can make several draws, to the point they will inevitably get some kind of reward. 

ppl do not need a financial reward to develop gambling addictions. drawing a character you like, especially when accompanied with flashy graphics + audio cues can be more than enough to invoke incredibly powerful pleasure responses. indeed, many testimonials from gambling addicts will allude to this, saying that it becomes LESS about the financial reward and MORE about the feeling they get from getting that big win, even if they burned a lot of money to get there. this is how gambling systems still retain their allure even AFTER people begin to lose resources from investing in them. 

in short: people who become addicted to these games are not stupid, and even You, who thinks they “know better”, can still be influenced by them as these games are SPECIFICALLY designed to engage with the brain’s reward center.

now, is every single person who plays gacha going to end up addicted to them? absolutely not, but it would be a lie to say that the risk isn’t there, indeed, thats what these games are designed to do. but ultimately, you know yourself the best, and you know your limits. however, if you do think you have a problem, do know that despite whatever tumblrina234234 says, you are not stupid, and it is not your fault. the path you take after that depends on you, but know that at least.

and FINALLY: yeah, ill say that if you’re someone who believes they may be at-risk of developing a gambling addiction, you should try to avoid gacha/lootbox games if possible. HOWEVER, i will ALSO say that is GENERALLY an unhelpful suggestion, and one i roll my eyes at myself, because the problem is that gacha & lootbox systems have completely taken over the gaming industry, ESPECIALLY in free to play (f2p) games. it is INCREDIBLY hard to avoid these systems now. the problem is with the system, not the individual. as such, i recommend advocating against these systems in games, and yes that is with the awareness that this is how many f2p games make their money. while i recognize that the people who make these games need to make a paycheck, it SHOULD NOT be done through the use of predatory systems such as gacha and lootbox. this is NOT to shame people WHO have spent money on gacha, but rather is the moral stance i take knowing what i do about these systems and how they operate.

resources used in this post:

1. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1046878118819677

2. https://www.pcgamer.com/behind-the-addictive-psychology-and-seductive-art-of-loot-boxes/

3. https://medium.com/@GWBycer/a-look-at-the-addictive-nature-of-gacha-design-1cecbfb702fa

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Transcript:

Watching My Friend Pretend Her Heart Isn't Breaking On Earth, just a teaspoon of neutron star would weigh six billion tons. Six billion tons equals the collective weight of every animal on earth. Including the insects. Times three. Six billion tons sounds impossible until I consider how it is to swallow grief-- just a teaspoon and one might as well have consumed a neutron star. How dense it is, how it carries inside it the memory of collapse. How difficult it is to move then. How impossible to believe that anything could lift that weight. There are many reasons to treat each other with great tenderness. One is the sheer miracle that we are here together on a planet surrounded by dying stars. One is that we cannot see what anyone else has swallowed. - Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

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Transcript:

Rain finally came + it's beautifully cool. Wonder how long it will last. It was marvelous because it started suddenly and then was alternately terrific and gentle. I think of you all the time and therefor have little to say that would not embarrass you, for instance my first feeling about the rain was that it was like you.

John Cage to Merce Cunningham, June 29 1943

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2006-10-09

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