flow-rj - Tumblr blog

[flow-rj]

First 2017 Post -- Another Weird Dream

(Some of the details have been altered due to the hazy recollection in the post-dream state)

I had dream. Again, it was a weird one. But this time it was lonely.

The boys (in the class that I was in) and I and our gym teacher were sent to a place far away from the city to participate in a team marathon. We rode a bus on our way there – to a large cabin in the woods that was usually used for big activities. And once we had arrived, we met the representatives from other schools: some were purely boys, some were purely girls, and some mixed. No conversations were made between opposing schools. We got our bags from the baggage storage from the bus and headed to the lobby to join the orientation and the announcing of house rules.

No formalities, everybody was scattered in the lobby. My initial observation of the cabin was that it was cozy, well-furnished, and modern. Its floor had a smooth finish. Antiques were placed on the walls – plates, figurines, trophies, and the like. One by one, the master of ceremonies announced the rules of what we should and shouldn’t do. After that, we were assigned a room to which each (member) of the teams were given keys. Our room was at the far end of the cabin, Room 335. As we walked through the corridors, I noticed that the walls weren’t as painted as good as the walls way back. It was still white and had little bits of cracks, and the lights weren’t flickering as steady as well; the sign that said “Under Renovation” explained the case. Nevertheless, we were first confused as to where our room was. The door that said “335” didn’t stick out at one of the corridor walls, but luckily one of my classmates found that it we still had to walk a short flight of stairs to get to it. And so we did. We found Room 335 beside Room 336 that was occupied by the all-girls team. To say that my classmates were elated is an understatement. The all-girls team had finished setting up, and of them came out of the room and exchanged a few words with us, that they wanted to go out drinking that night to commemorate our participation for the event. Some of us were up for it, some weren’t. By the time that we entered our room, which was spacious by the way, and finished setting up our bags and whatnot, it was already nightfall. We were called out to supper.

After supper was done, the girl who approached us before came up and asked if we were ready to go. She added that only a few of them were going, around four. I told them that only a few of us were going as well because the other boys were feeling droopy, that they wanted to rest. And so we headed out to one of the local bars around the place. Unfortunately, it was closed, so instead we went to a café shop that was open 24/7. It was kind of crowded to our surprise. We spotted an empty table in the back and claimed our territory right there and then. Each of us took our turns ordering our drinks – I had a Mocha Frappuccino. We talked about nothing of importance really. Time passed and it was past twelve o’clock midnight. We figured that we’d go back to the cabin since the god-know-how-many-meters dash was going to be held later that day. When the small lot came back, the girls went directly ahead to their room. The boys and I were surprised to find that our team was transferred to a room nearer to the lobby, Room 102. Thankfully, the boys who stayed behind brought our bags during the transfer. It was already one-thirty o’clock in the morning. We went inside Room 102 and slept.

The following hours, we were woken up by the siren that was to be used for waking us up during our stay throughout the entire event. Our gym teacher told us to get ready for the dash event, to shower and to change into our intended dash attire. He told us he was going to meet us at the track and field at the back of the cabin. As being comfortable around each other, we changed in the same room, unnecessarily rowdy. But all of the sudden I got a phone call from an unknown source – a phone call that I never would have thought would change the course of events. As I picked it up, my heartbeat started to jitter and my vision was flashed with a television static noise twice. And after that, the line on the side hung up. After that unexplainable occurrence, I locked my phone and placed it in my pocket, and when I looked up to the room, no one was there anymore. The team was gone. My friends, suddenly, were gone. Confused at first, I believed that they went to field before me, but as I checked the floor, their jerseys and their clothes were on the ground and they were nowhere to be found. My heart sank. I could not comprehend what just happened. One minute they were there and another minute they vanished. But no tears came out of my eyes. I just felt sad and lonely – helpless. I was already fully clothed with my attire on, and I decided to leave the room. I inspected the air in the cabin and no one was there anymore. Had the other people also vanished? I went to the back to the track and field to see if the rest of the occupants were there. Gladly, they were. My gym teacher was shouting at me, shouting how late the team was already. He asked where the others were and I couldn’t say a thing. Undaunted by the absence of the team and blinded by being overwhelmed by the event, my gym teacher gave me a punishment to run the whole course by myself as he disregarded the rest of the team. And so I did. I ran and ran and ran until it was over. For some reason, I still placed second without the help of my friends. But the thought of their vanishing came back to me after the race. My gym teacher was overjoyed and said that he would celebrate with the other adults at the local bar. The other schools went out to celebrate as well. “Why would you celebrate at a time like this,” I thought to myself. Full of hope and desire, I went back to Room 102 to see if I had just been dreaming or whether their vanishing was all just a prank. But, sadly, their existence was nowhere to be found. Where had they gone to? I tried going back to Room 335 to check if they were there. As I went down to it, it was locked, and our key had already been changed by the time we got to Room 102. Luckily, one of the members of the all-girls team (the one I spoke to at the beginning of this story) went to their room (336) as well. She asked what I was doing. Embarrassed to say the unexplainable, I told her that I left something in Room 335 but it was locked. She took out her key and, instead of unlocking her team’s room, she unlocked Room 335. She told me that rooms with the same first number had the same keys, as she winked at me. I gave her my thanks and she went inside her room.

Still, nothing was to be found in Room 335 when I stepped in. Hollow and empty. My heart sank again due to the loneliness I felt. I sighed and contained myself. I sat at one of the beds, and the next thing I knew I was already lying down. Slowly, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. By then, I entered a dream and in the dream, it was evening. But despite being evening, everything was visible, thanks to the white illuminating moon in the sky. It didn’t feel like a dream though. It felt like I was really in it, in the reality that I was dreaming. I was standing on sand, facing the sea, and looking at the moon, only to realize I was at a shoreline. From a distance I could hear a group of people shouting, possibly arguing. I ran towards where the commotion was. And there they were – my friends; but there were other people, too, around the same number. The other people were dressed in black suits, and they were big and adult-looking. I shouted at the other people telling them to back off my friends. They all turned their heads towards me when I did shout. My friends looked relieved to see me, possibly thinking that they were finally able to escape that place. But the other people grabbed one of each of my friends and captivated them, locking their necks. I was furious. I told them to stop as tears were already flowing through my eyes. One of the other people said something inaudibly – I could not remember what – and then they started twisting my friends’ necks one by one leaving them dead on the ground. And one by one the other people vanished in thin air. I witnessed my friends being killed, and I just stood there frozen and appalled. I was brought down to my knees, not knowing what to think or say. So, I just stared at the dead bodies of my friends under the moonlight of one sandy shoreline.

Thanks for reading. 

[flow-rj]

Brittle bones, brittle bones

Today, I clinched my fist, bit my lips, held my tears, and just smiled. 

Brittle bones, brittle bones

Seeing you for the first time in so long made me felt-at-home

Brittle bones, brittle bones

You made me recollect the moments that we’ve both had in so long

Brittle bones, brittle bones

Greetings that never were my expertise I gave some out

Brittle bones, brittle bones

You didn’t move, you didn’t care, you didn’t care to make a sound

Brittle bones, brittle bones

Confused was I to receive such a reaction as if it was from a lifeless being

Brittle bones, brittle bones

My heart started to ache, eyes started to water, why did I have to witness such noiseless deafening 

Brittle bones, brittle bones

You made me sad, but I understand why; I was just moved by life that brittle bones eventually die 

Brittle bones, brittle bones

I clinched my fist, bit my lips, held my tears, and I just smiled

Brittle bones, brittle bones

You could have at least said goodbye 

This I shall learn as a valuable lesson later on, but for now I am as sad as a willow tree. 

[flow-rj]

A Night of Pondering

*Just updating this little journal of mine.

If you had an opportunity what would you like to do "change/go back to the past or be able to see/predict the future"

"Such opportunities are physically impossible to do, obviously; but the question of 'what if' draws the line. If it were really possible to do so then it all boils down to the reason why you're doing it in the first place; therefore, one must ask, 'which part of it,' 'why do I want to do this,' and 'what good will I get from it?' And if such things were really possible then one must be prepared to face the consequences he'd make because one must have a good-enough reason to do so. But in reality, all we can do is look back in the past and try to make a better future whilst in the present. If the past is haunting you, be it a mistake or whatnot, then all you can do is look back at it; it's impossible to change the past, but it's possible to change the future. If the future scares you for its unpredictability, then all you can do is prepare for it; it's impossible to know the future, but it's possible to build courage to face what's coming. And where you are now is in the present - a line between what was and what will be, and as time passes by every second, it's all up to you how you can get over and forgive yourself from the past and build a future that you want. Thus, the present must be considered as *the* opportunity for someone to be able to not change the past but learn from it, and to not see the future but to make it along the way. But all of these would only be possible if one has the character of acceptance that 'what was' is done, the character of being courageous that 'what is' will be the time to build yourself, and the character of being hopeful that from 'what is,' 'what will be' would be one you have built and longed for. Changing the past or seeing the future, if physically possible, would only be catastrophic as 'what had been done' would not have been made into what you are or what the world is in the present, and 'what would be' would only lead to a counting of days to which what has been seen in the form of anxiety."

[flow-rj]

A Take on Escaping Reality

At the peak of midnight resonated the sounds of the cracks in the sky filling the atmosphere with the flinty smell of sulfur; the roads were left deserted as the vehicles driven by gladsome people headed back to a place, where one may lie in comfort, called home. But only a few hours after the pompous nights of festivities the world came to a hold where silence was brought upon once again - Silence. 

After a week’s vacation of joy are we to only find ourselves brought back to reality: the contradicting and “oxymoronic” reality of the ‘loudness of silence and the silence of loudness’ where we shift our very optimistic and cheerful outlook towards the world, from the season of giving, into a pessimistic and tiresome perspective of this reality of what we feel as an ‘endless work.’ 

Why do we celebrate such things when it is all temporal? Is such a thing necessary? We are only to find ourselves living to survive in this existence of ours; but if one were to permanently stick to that kind of mindset, I doubt he would be completely fulfilled in life’s giving. 

There will always be the inevitability of the inevitable itself for it is naturally human to be in the inevitable, but one must understand that amidst the inevitable, one must pursue what he must since the inevitable cannot be controlled; and so to live to survive as a natural set would be changed into an unnatural one in the light of the natural set of living itself.

The holiday seasons then is a reminder for us that despite our very nature to live to survive comes the inevitable anyway, so why not live for the moment, not to survive, but only to live - enjoyment, one could say. 

Let us not be distracted by the pessimistic outlook on the world because, after all, we are free, aren’t we? The distractions from the loudness of silence and the silence of loudness, which is reality itself, is indeed the loudness alone itself echoing and echoing in our minds deafening us from the pure and immaculate silence that we need during the time of glad-tidings - not the literal silence, but the silence of our hearts and minds to reflect on things that we have done the past duration of time and think about our very own selves as who we are and why we are to be - to be ready to face the reality of the loudness of silence and the silence of loudness once again in the near future, which in turn, so as to be completely fulfilled amidst and behind the inevitable with the loudness of the prosperous bringing of one’s new resolutions.

But must this state of silence that brings about loudness be only exclusive to occasions of glad-tidings? Perhaps... perhaps not. The very reality of the loudness that distracts us itself occurs during the days of endless work and workless days, so one must not limit himself to the confines of the seasons, but rather, consider each new day a new beginning, a joyful time for a chance to be in silence amidst the loud reality to reflect one’s own self. 

After all, as cliche as it may sound, who doesn’t want to escape reality even for a little while? 

Happy New Year 

[flow-rj]

Another Weird Dream

This post will be another of my weird dreams I occasionally have, and this one, if I were to put a description, is a series of random events leading to a catastrophic frontier. 

So it starts out I was in my ex-crush’s house having lunch with her family. (That is so weird, like why would I even be there). Their house was just like any other house but with a country-themed interior. Soon after, a swarm of people with their microphones and cameras from the media came rushing into the house because apparently, we were eating with a supermodel. 

Then it cuts to a scene where I was in my grandparents’ house because that’s where the photo shoot of the model happened. All of my relatives were there watching. By the way, the model was somewhat Asian-Latina. I don’t know but she was really pretty. 

After the shoot, the whole family got into a van - and I was beside the model  - (*this part is not part of the story but only added to chronologically connect it) *and my family dropped me at the airport because* I was going to Malaysia for a school field trip. 

The field trip cuts to a scene where we were watching an anime presentation of an animation company in Malaysia. I don’t even know why it’s in Malaysia. I thought the animation was pretty crappy, and so did my friends. After it ended, we exited the room and went directly straight to the parking lot to get in the bus. For some reason, I stayed and after a while I had come to notice that the bus wasn’t there anymore. Like what the fuck! Did my class just leave me? So I ran around the parking lot to search for schoolmates I could find, and luckily, I found a few, around seven of them, since the students were all wearing a red jacket. They were left behind as well by their own class’ bus. We didn’t know what to do. We panicked since we were in a foreign country. 

We thought of getting a taxi but we were low on cash, and if we combined it, it would not be enough for all of us, so three of my schoolmates decided that they take all the money, be the ones to ride a taxi, and go catch up with the buses to tell them that there are students left behind. We all agreed. They left and the remaining waited. To our dismay, few hours have passed and no one from our school came back. We waited a little longer, but it was already close to evening, so we gave up waiting and started walking around the city on our own. 

We, the four students left remaining, circled around the city and we arrived at a district mall where there were a lot of people. Most of them were taking pictures at a big cube figure. I noticed that across the mall, there was a far building that had the sign “Philippine Embassy” (Yes, I’m from the Philippines). So we thought of going there to contact our school. We ran towards the building and came in the entrance door. It was unusual because there were no people inside and it was already night time. 

As we went in, there were three elevators facing us, we went directly to the middle elevator and to our surprise, there was a man inside, thankfully. The four of us rushed into the elevator and told the man that we were lost. There was a few moments of silence until his reply: “Are you really lost?” He asked us. We were confused because obviously we were lost. As the elevator ascended, he told us to look down. The building walls became transparent and we could see the whole city below us - There was nothing but destroyed structures. This shocked us because we were just out there awhile ago. 

The elevator was still ascending and we asked the man what happened and what the meaning of all that was. He told us that we were the few of the last people to survive the Earth and that we were destined to be great people in the future to rebuild Earth back to its state with life. He said he saw our future and enumerated what we would be in the future. He told me that I would be an engineer, my other friend a musician, the other a doctor, and the other a scientist. We were dumbfounded. 

As the elevator continued to ascend... I woke up from that dream confused. What the fuck? Was that the end of the world in my dream? Were we, the last four students that remained, the last frontier of mankind? I couldn’t comprehend the fact that we were in that dream of mine. 

Anyway, that, for me, was a big one. 

Thanks for reading. 

[flow-rj]

Did Reading About Communism Cause Me To Have Dreams About Ghosts?

So I was reading about Karl Marx and his ideas before I went to bed, but I don't think so. Before my dream about ghosts, I had a series of dreams prior to that, but there was only one I can remember - my final grades of the semester, which was a complete disaster, and now it makes me anxious/hesitant/nervous (or any synonymous word to those that I have mention) to look at them... But I guess I'll get over it soon enough. Anyway, my dream about ghosts was slightly disturbing. I was not exactly scared nor was I terrified and screaming for help. I realized it was all just dream after a couple of 'dream' minutes. But it did let me ask the question "why am I dreaming of this?" It was in a basement parking lot - dark, gritty, and swampy(?), and the characters portrayed were little children! My guess is around six to seven years old... Who are going to be looking at ghosts! And if I say ghosts, not those white-dressed-in-a-blanket mofos, no. These were those creepy Asian kind of ghosts where they exaggerate it to the extent where it's realistic enough to be true. So yeah, children. And it was some sort of a class trip because we were wearing a faded-blue uniform. There were two columns of students that consisted around seven to eight kids and I remember I was the very first, the one at the front of the second column. I also remember that the very first student in the first column was my crush (in that dream). So we were led by our female teacher, early thirties, with a mocha-brown working teacher attire. And for some reason she stopped and told us to stop... Because we were about to play games! And this was where it all started. We stopped at a dead end and from nowhere, a golden shrine (like some offering to a god) slowly appeared out of a mist. It was my column versus my crush's column (two teams). Our 'game' was to say 'yes' or 'no' if we saw a ghost or not, and we had to say it altogether otherwise there would be consequences. The goal of the game was to get the most number of points to win. It was four rounds total (so we had to see four ghosts) and the gist was a person may be able to see the ghost or not because the goal of each team is to shout a unified 'yes' or 'no,' so if everyone from my team says yes except for one person, then we still lose. Each round is ten points, and so it is forty points in total - one unified answer is ten points. The game begins at this point. (Oh yeah, one more thing. If the team gets a unified answer, the person from the front switches with the person from the back, and so on.) First round, our teacher asks us "Do you see a wailing white woman with black frizzy hair covering her face?" I saw it, crept me out like fuck. As we answered, there was a mixture of 'yes's' and 'no's.' So obviously no one won that round. Second round, our teacher asks us "Do you see an all-covered-in-black little girl?" I saw it, crept me out more. And the same result happened. Third round, our teacher ask us "Do you see a bleeding old man?" I saw it, did not really creep me out since it was just a bleeding old man. The answers were quite similar now; only a few in my column said now, but still no one won. And the fourth and final round, our teacher asks us "Do you see a floating white doll?" And this was what really crept me out like what the actual fuck. A floating doll appeared out of nowhere at that suspicious-looking shrine. We all answered yes and that was the only time both columns won. The game ended but I knew we were still heading somewhere after. Thankfully, my dad woke me up before I could experience more of these creepy dreams where the teacher tries to traumatize us by letting us see ghosts through playing a game no less. Thanks a lot, asshole teacher. You thought it was ingenious to let us see ghosts in a 'fun' way. Jesus. But nevertheless, being the curious person that I am, it made me ask why rather than letting me be terrified by it. I mean I was terrified, but I was more curious about it. Well that's how my dream went, hopefully I'll be able to finish reading this topic on Karl Marx, and hopefully I won't have this kind of dream again, like seriously. I've never been able to see apparitions in my awake self... Maybe only during sleep? Maybe. Thanks for reading.

[flow-rj]

Being Cynical Can Have Its Upsides Too

Reading quite a few philosophical works made me conclude that life is meaningless... Wait. Let me rephrase that. 

Reading quite a few philosophical works made me conclude that life’s meaning can only be known if you let yourself know about it. That’s better. 

(What was my motivation for writing this? Boredom. I realized how bored I was until it came to my mind that writing a thing like this would be perfect to keep my boredom away. You know why? Because I just felt like it.)

Lately, I have been very, very pessimistic on the things that revolve around not only me, but also the world, such as religion and relationships (which will be another thing to be discussed). But more importantly, I’ve been pessimistic basically about everything. (Or maybe I’m just bored. I really think it’s because I’m bored). 

Being pessimistic led me to becoming cynical. It made me question why we still have to live, we’re still going to die anyway. It made me wish the world would just end in a blink so that there wouldn’t be any problems anymore. But I came to realize one thing - even if we’re just going to die anyway, why not make living worthwhile? 

People would say: “Why are you trying so hard to do this or that when we’re still going to die anyway?” I could contrarily respond “Why not?” When I think about it, doing the thing you want to do or not wouldn’t change anything when it all leads to death in the end, so I’d rather just do it - we’re all going to die anyway. 

My point is that life has its meaning once you’ve reached the point where you think you can’t find its meaning anymore since you think all is lost. I would think that you’re really just blindfolded with what you’re feeling if you’ve reached that point. And since you’re the only one who can find the meaning of your own existence, start doing things that you thought wasn’t worth it and make it worth it because we’re all going to die anyway. One can say that even just a temporary pleasure is better than no pleasure, so, try and go make yourself happy. 

... Well that’s what I think, but all what I’ve written down so far is just an insight I got when I was hungry and grumpy (I could’ve been not in the right state of mind), so if ever I come across a convincing and striking response, I might change my perspective towards life itself and what is consists of. 

Thanks for reading. 

[flow-rj]

Looking at the mirror

There are times when I’m down, stressed, or tired; and most probably, those are the times when I really wanna say “I’m tired. I wanna stop.” But I can’t. I don’t want to. I don’t want to because it’s much more of a risk to stop than to keep on going because when one stops, he may lose nothing, but nor will he gain anything as well, but if one keeps on going, he has that probability of gaining something, if you strive for it.

So in times of distress, I just keep quiet. Stand in front of the mirror and look at myself - my face. The longer I look, the clearer I see my face. I see its impurities: the spots, the pimples, the eye-bags, the dirt. It’s… Unbearable. The philosophical question “who am I?” has become “as a person, what do I have?” What I can answer to that is imperfection.

I can truly say that imperfection lies within everyone if we truly just see ourselves clearly in the mirror, be it literal or figurative. But seeing my imperfection has also given me the chance to appreciate what an imperfect person I am, for only in imperfection can I truly appreciate the good qualities I have. We say that we are imperfect, but what does perfection even mean?

Perfection is such a subjective term. We all have our own idea of what “perfection” is, but I don’t think there is that universal definition of perfection in human beings. Maybe if we put it in religious context, there is. But in everyday talking, we may associate perfection as actualizing our potential to be - is that even perfection? Let’s just say “perfection” is attaining our highest capabilities as a human being. Let’s face it. No one’s perfect.

But that is the beauty of it, of imperfection. It lets us realize that we, human beings, still have the room for more improvement for the attainment of our highest capabilities, thus leading us to live a good life, for that is what we want. It also lets us realize that imperfection can also exist as qualities that we can and cannot see. The idea of imperfection may help us realize that we are imperfect after all, and it helps us strive to respect others’ imperfections as well, for who are we to judge and condemn imperfect people when we are imperfect ourselves?

Behind our imperfection is a deeper meaning of our true selves of what we ought and want to become.

I would like to conclude this by advising you, dear reader, to look at yourself in the mirror from time to time and ask yourself “as a person, what do I have?”

[flow-rj]

Things I Enjoy #1

Music has always been and will always be a major part of my life. I can say that I can't live without it. Recently, I've discovered something life-changing. Yes, something life-changing. And that is: the way one listens to music. I listen to music almost everyday - when I go to school, when I get back home, and when I'm about to sleep. And for me, the best way to truly appreciate a piece of music is to put on the earphones. Once you put on earphones, you shut the world around you. You close your eyes, and... Just listen, be it any genre - classical, blues, metal, electronic, whatever. It makes you imagine that it sends you to another world of fantasy where you would ideally want to be in at that moment because different reasons. Well, this post was supposed to be about earphones though, but I just could not help but expound about listening to music itself. Anyway, anyone can use any headphones/earphones when listening to music (or even choose not to use, but preferably, one would want to immerse himself into the music). But I tell you, the degree of sinking yourself into the music depends on what kind of earphones you are using. My apple earphones were recently destroyed, so I had to find new ones. Luckily, I had this set of earphones (samsung) three years ago that I never really used because the pods were not exactly my type. But as I tried it out, I was amazed at how crystal clear the music sounded to me. You could clearly hear the instruments. I am not here to compare which earphones is the better one, but I am simply saying that the better the earphones, the better the listening is, and the more immersing yourself into the music is. Appreciating the piece of music is appreciating its detail (the bass, the reverb, the tone, the beats, and etc.) and its wholeness (the whole picture itself). The way you listen to music changes how you think about it. You get to hear everything, every single note. It makes it so much better, actually.

[flow-rj]

Another dream

This dream was not quite like my nightmare. It was a more pleasant dream, but pretty psychedelic. 

The setting of a place was somewhere in Asia, but not really because I don’t know if it even exists in real life? Well the people were Asian, so... It first starts off with my family and I (we’re four) lining up for a van to go visit a landmark of the place. There were other families there too. What the people wore was just the casual every-day outfit, nothing fancy. So we were finally at the front of the line, and mind you, each van had a different driver. We went in the van (the van was basic), and the driver was an old Chinese man whose face was that of Mr. Miyagi’s - the 1984 one (Seriously). 

Now, before I proceed, I would like to talk about the historical landmark we were about to enter. It was a 100-story tower. Its exterior design was something I can’t explain - It’s so weird. And there were no windows... Well, that’s very nice. Maybe you can compare it to a Japanese castle except it roughly did not have edges. Whatever.

So we pass along a long, spiral series of roads surrounded by trees, and we finally get to the entrance of the tower. Apparently, there are two ways you can travel around the castle. It’s either by foot, or use the van to go around the castle and reach the highest floor (the main objective of this castle is to reach the highest floor by the way). We decided to travel by van since walking is very tiring, and we would stop by each floor (each floor had like a very large space) because each floor had its own style or theme. So first floor done, we now get to the second floor - this is where the fun starts. 

Roaming around the second floor, I was at the other side of the room, and the rest of my family the opposite end. They were about to leave already and I was still in the room doing god knows what. Luckily, my dad noticed that they forgot about me, and so he went back looking for me. He found me, and we were about to go the van when suddenly this psychopathic Mr. Miyagi-looking Asian driver of ours decided to storm off and leave both me and my dad behind. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. So we had no other choice but to travel by walking.

We asked around where we could go to the next floor, the people never really bothered to answer (they were like empty, hollow objects as if they could not see us). And so, I saw this sign that read “3rd Floor UP” with an arrow sign pointing up, and we entered that room. As we entered that room, me and my dad’s minds were blown - It was a freaking labyrinth/maze of some sort, and that’s when it hit me. The only way to travel by foot and reach the topmost floor is to finish a series of puzzles/mazes and proceed to the next floor one by one. That moment I knew things were going to get ugly. 

And so my dad and I did went through the mazes. I don’t specifically remember all, but I remember three of them. One floor was this never-ending room where we had to run around in circles a lot of times, and the only way to proceed to the next floor was to spot the difference each time we walked past by the same never-ending turning point. I don’t know how we finished it, but we managed to do so. Another floor was that, we had to use each other’s help to pass this floor, and it was like a monkey bar that we had to hang our arms from one bar to another so that we could reach the endpoint because if we did not, then we would fall down into a very dark pit. And the last maze I can remember was a sewer-like room, and it was dark. We had to approach this red beaming button and we had to press it to open the door beside it, but the catch was that we had to approach it fast before a drainage up ahead opened and let out water. Luckily, we pressed the red button at the final second the water was about to pour out, and so we succeeded. BUT FOR SOME WEIRD REASON, we ended up back to the very first maze we encountered, but now my mom and brother were already there. Jesus Christ we had to do it again, but finally, in the end, we reached the topmost floor. (Strangely, there were no other people doing the mazes and the labyrinth puzzles). 

We enter the final floor, the 100th floor. Guess what was in that floor. A restaurant -_- We never saw that psycho-Mr. Miyagi-looking driver again though, and that’s good... But creepy. So we just got ourselves some seats and ate ice cream and promised never to visit that hell of a tower again. 

I was then awoken. 

Thanks for reading. 

[flow-rj]

One of my nightmares

So I slept around 2:00 AM on March 13, 2015, and it’s a Friday. I guess that explains why I dreamed of bad things - Friday the 13th. 

Anyway,

My dream is a little bit vague since 18 hours has already passed, but I still remember some bits of it. (I’ll make this story into a novel-like form just to make it chronologically clear)

So it begins...

It was somewhere - I’d guess - futuristic, post-apocalyptic. The mood was dark and chilly. From what I can remember, I see this dark road, and it was also raining. There were neon board signs. I was with a group of people around my age, my friends (I don’t specifically remember who they were), and we stepped into this oldish building. What we were wearing, I don’t remember, but it was dark-colored, our outfits. 

The inside of the building was dim; it had orange lights, no windows, no clocks. We directly went to our rooms (I don’t even know why we had rooms). Each of us had our own room. Suddenly, there was a speaker, and we were all commanded to go to this certain room, however, I can’t recall if the speaker had another person at the end of the line though.  So we stepped into this room; it had 4 lights on the ceiling and 2 lamps around the room. There was a round table, and we sat down on the chairs around the table. 

(Now here comes the creepy part) I don’t really remember, but it was fast-forwarded to this grim “thing”. We were participating in a series of games which had our lives on the line - And I vividly remember that there was bloodshed in this dream. 

The game started and from what I can remember, the first game was about trying to pull out your arm from a tight box because if you can’t, there would be a sharp razor thing that would slice off your arm. The first person failed, and so his arm was sliced off, and I can really see the blood that spurted out of him. The first participant screamed in agony, and two men in dark coats entered the room and dragged him out. The next few people took their turn and succeeded, and finally me. I remember thinking to myself that if I can’t do this, I would die, and I specifically remember that this was a game of life and death, and that I wanted to survive. Luckily, I succeeded. 

After the game was over, we went back to our rooms, but some of my friends decided to stay together in one room because we were very terrified at what happened. We did not expect that a thing like this would happen. We talked over the time. And then, we were called out again. 

This time, we went to another room. It was darker, colder. The lights were white, but only on the place where we stayed. The place was actually a whole lot bigger, and the room was divided into two floors, and the division was through a glass window. My friends and I were on the upper floor with the lights on, and we were strapped to our seats - Only our arms can move, and nothing else. On the lower floor, the other side of the room, I did not see their appearance because the lower floor was all black, but I felt that there were people watching us.

I forgot what the games was but, fast-forward, I remember that my friend sitting beside me, the tip of his fingers were cut off with this metallic thing, and blood was squirting out. And it was my turn next, I don’t remember what I did, but I certainly failed at this point - My right leg was cut off. What the fuck was happening?! - I did not know. 

At that moment, thankfully, I was awoken, and finally that nightmare was over. Still creepy as hell when I think about it. -Fin- 

Well, just felt like sharing this nightmare of mine to you (whoever you people are). I’ve had a lot of these kinds of nightmares before, but I’ll try to remember them and share it. Thanks for reading. 

[flow-rj]

The Overthinker (Draft)

The Overthinker (A draft of a somewhat philosophical text of realizing one's potential to overcome his worries and troubles. Please feel free to criticize my work) P.S. My analogies kinda suck XD *This is a dialogue between a teacher and a student* Student: Teacher, I am afraid. Teacher: Why do you suppose you are? Student: I cannot seem to fixate all the things in my mind. My mind is like a polluted sea with very many garbage only waiting to be cleaned up and be clear again. Teacher: To fix, you must arrange. To arrange, you must know the individual things scattered in your mind. To know, you must understand why it is so. Student: It is easier said than done. But why exactly do I feel the uneasiness of this triviality? Teacher: Perhaps you are overthinking. Student: What do you mean by overthinking? Teacher: Overthinking is to plan a situation six or seven steps ahead. Student: But isn't planning ahead a good thing? Teacher: It is, but overthinking is a different case. When one overthinks, one gets lost in his chain of thought. He is swindled by the many positive or negative possibilities that may occur in the situation, thus, it is dangerous to overthink because you are stuck too much on the future when the problem is at the present. Student: That may be so, but, in spite of that, why do people still overthink? Teacher: People overthink because all people desire for success. They plan and organize many ideas and thoughts just so they could establish beforehand a solution for their problem. However, overthinking is not the right way to success for it may lead to failure. It leads to failure because it confuses the person because of the countless thoughts in his mind in which he cannot organize everything anymore, just like a polluted sea. It is difficult to swim back up if you are deep down below already in your thoughts. Student: Then I guess I should not overthink. Teacher: I did not say you should not. You may, but I prefer not to. Only the simple man overthinks because he is afraid. He cannot put himself in the present where the problem is at hand, but always looking seven steps ahead into the future. The more rational person would believe more in himself and what he is capable of now than worrying of what may happen. He believes in himself now because he knows that what may happen, may not happen. The rational person lives at the moment, thinking at the moment. He believes in himself and realizes that he has the power to success and he can arrive at his goal by his own will and power. The rational person realizes that there are problems in his present mind that must be solved, so he solves the ones he has right now, and does not think about the possible problems in the future, for they are only in the future. If those problems in the future will necessarily happen, the rational man would wait for that moment, but have the state of readiness to solve that problem. Student: But what about the other people at present? Others seem to be better than the other. Teacher: It is the problem of comparison. The simple man compares himself to others because he sees what he has that others do not and vice-versa, and that it is a weakness because you are focusing your attention at two points of the spectrum. You cannot possibly watch two things moving at the same time and would be able to grasp its essence there at hand. One must concentrate on only one goal - one point. That is why the rational man does not compare himself to others because he believes that through his strength and power, he can be whatever he wills to be through consistency, dedication, and hard work. The rational man does not have the luxury of time to compare himself to others because it would only delay him of what he wants/wills to become. Student: But wouldn't there be problems as one goes through it? Teacher: Yes, but the rational man believes that everything will be in good terms if he is going the right direction. And he knows that he is going the right direction because everything will have a much clearer view. Whatever one does, he must realize that at the end, it will all be good and there will be no problems for the rational man has done everything in his power to obtain the thing that he wanted. Student: What then must I do to stop overthinking, teacher? Teacher: You must believe in yourself that you can do it, no matter what the cost. You are not the simple man, the overthinker. You are the rational man. Student: I understand, teacher.

[flow-rj]

It's Quite Ironic

Dogs are man’s best friend. We all agree, don’t we? They’re cute and everything.

But

It’s quite ironic, in my neighborhood, having a veterinarian clinic for dogs, and seeing stray dogs roaming around near it.

They’re vets. Isn’t their job to secure and protect the totality of animal lives? Yes, they do that to pet owners, but why only limit to animals that are being kept in a home?

I know vet clinics aren’t animal shelters, but they should at least take the action of reaching out to stray dogs that are sick and actually need help.

What would they do to them after they treat the dogs, you may ask. They could probably find volunteers to take them to animal shelters, or sell them - See, a win-win situation in some way, or better yet, they could take care of those dogs.

Why only limit to dogs? How about other stray animals. It’s quite a challenge, I know.

But somehow we can parallel this kind of irony to earth’s human beings. Seriously. Street people are everywhere, yet there are so many hospitals around. I don’t know why they don’t treat them - Precious lives are lost. Maybe there are some policies to it, but what the hell. Some people should take action on making programs and shelters for those that don’t have or are not fortunate enough to have homes. I know this note has many flaws, but it should be a voice of movement to make our world a better place.

We're quite living in the irony. And it's pretty weird

[flow-rj]

How I Wish I Actually Knew That Person

One benefit of travelling to other places around the world is meeting new people - New faces, different races. You may not know how they act or behave, but one thing is for sure; you know how they look like. 

You walk around, bump into people, glance at faces, and for a single moment, you see this person, and for some odd and weird reason, you are really attracted and captivated by this person's appearance. (The definition of beauty is mostly subjective, but I think that it's meant to be subjective - We all have our own preferences.)

You look at that person, that person looks at you back, and then you try to hide the fact that you weren't looking but you obviously were. And a few minutes later, you've been staring at each other back and forth from a short or long distance without verbal connection. 

And suddenly, that person you were looking at smiles. Then you smile back. Such a great feeling isn't it? 

And then you think "I have never seen this person before... Why have I never seen this person before." 

However, chances are that you won't be meeting that person again since you are from two separate worlds, drifted apart, but only to meet in this single event of a one in a million chances of actually meeting this person.

You thought that person was the one. 

Well... Maybe that person was the one, but not entirely the one you're going to spend the rest of your days with. What if chances like that are chances of actually finding "the one." Maybe "the one" isn't entirely one person. Who knows? 

But one thing I do know is that you have to be glad you've met that person because they let you realize how small this world actually is to give you the chance to have made you meet that person. What were the odds? 

And so your agenda for staying in that place is done, and so is that other person's. You walk away not looking back, but in the back of your mind, "How I wish I actually knew that person."

[flow-rj]

[flow-rj]

"The Eyes of God" -Prohodna Cave, Bulgaria (Source, I believe)

Found this on reddit.

This is the full moon from inside a cave. It looks like two eyes staring down at you; beautiful.

[flow-rj]

The Climb 

"I have replaced evil with death." - Ra's al Ghul