fordeductions-blog

[fordeductions-blog]

Gonna take a little break from tumblr. The anti-ace posts hurt, guys.

You can't be ace and het. Being straight means having an attraction to the "opposite" gender and I lack that.

I will never fit in to straight society. Mum tried conversion therapy cause I was broken, my extended family won't let me around their kids because I'm "too unstable".

But, y'know, I can't possibly be LGBT+ either. What's that plus sign again??? (Never miiiiiind the trans(*) community's problems recognising nonbinary persons, that's another rant.)

My point is that I'm at the point where I hate pride month. All it does is bombard me with people kicking me out of either community and it hurts. I'm tired. I'm done.

And tumblr just keeps banging me with these posts about how ace people don't belong in pride and... some of you that I consider friends post these.

It hurts.

So I'm taking a break.

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My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

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My entire body aches.

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Hey! So not letting your doctor weigh you is totally fine but only if you're not getting medication. Most medications need to be in proportion to your mass, so make sure to get weighed before a new one! However, here in the US, the scales are often in the HALLWAY. This makes it actually illegal for your medical practitioner to mention what your weight is or to comment on it until you get into the room! If they attempt it, shut it down. It's a breach of medical privacy - anyone in the hallway can hear! My point being that your weight is your business, but medications are based on it so be responsible with drugs, and don't be afraid to call out your medical provider!

I work at a daycare with infants.

One of our baby girls is fat, in the 99th percentile for her age. She is super cute and sweet. Lately, she has been sick with various breathing issues, so she has been reluctant to take her bottles. Normally, she’ll take 4 ounces of formula at lunch and 8 ounces in the afternoon. Today, I was lucky to get to her take 5 all day.

There was a substitute covering a lunch break in my classroom today. We emphasized to her that we need to keep trying to get the baby to drink her bottle until she finished it. She said, “Why are you guys so worried about taking her bottle?”

My coworker replied, “That’s where all her nutrients are. She needs the nutrients and the water.”

To which the substitute replied, “But she’s so fat. She doesn’t need it.”

Thin privilege is a small, pretty baby getting better childcare because the caretaker doesn’t think she’s too fat to be allowed to eat.

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Friendly reminder that asexuals, bisexuals and trans people absolutely get to celebrate pride month just as much as anyone else. It’s LGBTQIA+, not LG. This ain’t a fuckin electronics company.

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Mainstream LGBTQ/Queer Support For Asexuality

GLAAD makes changes to a program and explicitly announces their support of ace, aro, and agender people. http://www.glaad.org/blog/asexual-agender-aromantic The Trevor Project made an effort to help support asexual people. http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/asexuality Matthew’s Place ran a series about asexuality. http://www.matthewsplace.com/asexuality/ Huffington Post changes the name of a section of their site, specifically mentioning asexuality as one of the contributing reasons. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/huffpost-gay-voices-changed-name-huffpost-queer-voices_us_56a78f78e4b0172c659422f9

And that’s after they wrote a number of articles about us. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/asexuality/

Even Dan Savage got (somewhat) better. http://www.thestranger.com/columns/savage-love/2015/05/27/22283509/savage-love The Advocate has run several positive stories about asexuality. http://www.advocate.com/pride/2015/07/20/21acestories-sex-drive-relationships-and-other-misconceptions http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/books/2012/07/24/asexuals-among-us http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/television/2015/01/27/no-sex-no-problem So has Gay Star News. http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/here-are-11-biggest-asexual-myths-busted300315/#gs.lOZu4Rk http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/first-asexual-politician/#gs.yaY5ZLE http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/dr-ruth-says-asexuals-shouldnt-exist-internet-responds-in-the-best-way/#gs.sHNd9dc Positive “Jughead is Asexual!” stories were published in many LGBTQ/Queer publications. http://lgbtpost.com/archie-comics-reveals-jughead-is-asexual/ https://www.washingtonblade.com/2016/02/09/archie-comics-reveals-jughead-is-asexual/ http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/02/archie-comics-reveals-jughead-is-asexual/ http://www.glaad.org/blog/glaad-wrap-archie-comics-reveals-asexual-character-magicians-renewed-and-more

Colleges and universities with LGBTQ Campus Groups/QRCs/etc. that explicitly mention supporting asexual people:

Northern Kentucky University: https://lgbtq.nku.edu/

University of Illinois Urbana: http://guides.library.illinois.edu/lgbtq

Williams College: http://lgbt.williams.edu/about/

Western Washington University (They changed their name, citing inclusion of asexual students as a reason.):  http://as.wwu.edu/qrc/

UNC Chapel Hill: https://lgbtq.unc.edu/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation

UCLA: http://www.lgbt.ucla.edu/aboutus1.html

University of Wisconsin: https://lgbt.wisc.edu/

University of North Georgia: http://ung.edu/multicultural-student-affairs/lgbtq.php

And all this is from just a few minutes of quick searches.  There is more.  Much, much more.

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The Aphobia Masterpost

I started writing this as a comment on another post, but it got too long so fuck it, this is going to be its own post, and it’s going to be a collection of basically everything I can get my hands on about asexual oppression, history, and the shit aphobes say. Yeah, this is going to be long, heavy with links to a lot more reading, but I’ve had it up to here with the “discourse”.

Everyone who wants to is free to reblog this post and use it as a reference when arguing with aphobes. (fyi, I created the blog @asexuality-and-aphobia in the middle of this project to be a reliable source for my links.)

“Aces don’t face oppression”

Intergroup bias toward “Group X”: Evidence of prejudice, dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination against asexuals (Link to complete study)

Prejudice against the asexual community

Battling Asexual Discrimination, Sexual Violence And ‘Corrective’ Rape

Somewhere on the A-Spectrum: Agender, aromantic and asexual people face misconceptions, aggression

Asexuality and Rape

Asexual Men and Rape

Men, masculinity, asexuality, and rape

Religion and Asexuality Overview

Religious intolerance of asexuality: x, x, x, x, x, x 

Asexuality and race/racism: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x

Do you want to?

Asexual oppression and all that

Asexuality and Victim Blaming

Why We Need Mental Healthcare Without Asexual Erasure

AAU Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault and Sexual Misconduct shows that “Asexual/Questioning/Not Listed” report a higher rate of sexual assault/harassment/violence than heterosexuals, regardless of gender

Asexuality was listed in the DSM as HSDD (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder) until 2013, making it officially a mental illness that would be treated with therapy and medication. It is still in the DSM, except that you can ‘opt out’ if you self-identify as asexual, which is great except that asexuality is still so unknown that there undoubtedly many people who are asexual but don’t know that it’s “a thing”. This means that who knows how many asexuals have been sent to therapy and told they’re sick, then been “treated” for their orientation to try and force them to experience sexuality “correctly”. 

In short, our orientation has been and continues to be pathologized, and asexuals have been put through corrective therapy: x, x, x, x, x

Acephobia Exists

Why Aro/Ace awareness is important to me 

This is an example of acephobia.

Sure, it could’ve happened to anyone. But it happened to an asexual BECAUSE OF THEIR ASEXUALITY.

no one gets to tell me that my objectification is magically ‘less potent’ because it’s due to my asexuality.

“I WANT to make the community unsafe for you”

It’s All A Fucking Joke, Right

Posts of people describing the hardship they’ve faced for their asexuality: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x

The blog @acephobia-is-real has so many submissions and examples of hatred, harassment, hostility, and abuse, of aces who have been raped and/or sexually assaulted in an attempt to ‘fix’ them, and made suicidal due to aphobia and/or their own perceived brokenness, that it would be pointless for me to try and link any. Just go and start reading. Try their suicide tag.

There may be dissatisfyingly little research done on asexuality, but there has been enough done to prove that they do face discrimination, no matter how hard some may find that to believe. But guess what? You, an allosexual person, do not get to say shit like “aces don’t get kicked out” or “aces don’t _____” any more than I as a white person get to say that things I don’t experience must not happen to black people either. Just because you haven’t experienced it personally or witnessed it with your own eyes doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. You haven’t walked in an ace’s shoes, you don’t know what they deal with. Period. 

Not even other aces can tell asexuals that their experiences aren’t real or aren’t valid. Different people can deal with different amounts of oppression, that doesn’t mean the lack of oppression is the default “truth”. 

Nobody is trying to say that asexuals have it “as bad” or worse than gay or trans people, but we don’t HAVE to “have it worse” to be included and for our experiences to have merit without being compared to anyone else’s. Let me say that again: our experiences have merit without being compared to anyone else’s. 

“We just want to protect our safe spaces”

Aphobes have:

Repeatedly misgendered and mislabeled people

Informed rape victims that their assaults didn’t happen the way they happened (which is a form of gaslighting)

Made light of their own rape apology

Compared asexuals to pedophiles

Compared asexuals to Nazis

Harassed people who wanted to be left alone

Made jokes about asexuals committing suicide

Told suicidal asexuals to “stop whining”

Admitted to recycling biphobia

Created a ‘yourfaveisaphobic’ blog

Admitted to hating the ace/aro community

Asserted that asexuality should not be taught in schools (because it “sexualizes minors” or because gay/bi/pan minors will ‘mistakenly’ identify as asexual)

Told asexuals to die: x, x, x, x, x (tbh this is only a tiny sample and I don’t have the heart to go digging for more)

Are all aphobes this vile? Maybe not, but this is still the disgusting, hateful attitude festering in the gatekeeping community, and it stinks like shit. The examples I have provided above are only a fraction of the harassment and abuse that is perpetrated on a regular basis.

“Het aces/aroaces are straight”

Some het aces identify as straight. Some het aces don’t identify as straight, they identify as asexual, and it’s not your place to label them against their will. There is no world in which aroaces, people who experience no attraction to anyone, are straight. 

“Straight” isn’t a sexual orientation, it’s a position of power.

A-Spec Identities are Not Secondary.

Invisibility is Not a Privilege.

“passing privilege” is not a real thing.

Straight-passing privilege: a myth

Bad arguments against allowing a-spec to identify as queer

Having your identity erased is not a privilege.

asexuality, like bisexuality, is deliberately misunderstood by out groups in order to exclude us.

ace/aro people don’t “only” experience attraction to the ‘opposite gender’ or any other. that’s the point. we also experience a lack of attraction, either romantically or sexually, and that lack of attraction is part of our identity.

Straight is not default.

How many straight people do you know that want to kill themselves because of their orientation?

The closet is not a privilege

“We accept SGA (same-gender attracted) and trans aces”

Firstly, SGA (same-gender attraction) is a term that was used and is still used in Mormon conversion therapy, so as one can understand, a lot of people are very uncomfortable being labeled with this description. Secondly, it enforces a gender binary of “same” and “opposite” gender that leaves a large number of nonbinary people out in the cold. Is a genderfluid person only “same-gender attracted” if they’re attracted to other genderfluid people who are genderfluid in exactly the same way? How about agender, intergender, demigirl/boy people? And before the argument “well they’re included as trans” is made, there are plenty of nonbinary people who do not identify as trans. I’m one of them.

The standard of “SGA and trans” as requirement for entry to the LGBTQ community is used nowhere outside of aphobic tumblr, and it seems crafted specifically for the purpose of excluding aces, aros, NBs, intersex people, and others not deemed “gay enough”.

(SGA did NOT come from ‘SGL’, same-gender loving. That is a term created by black queer people and not to be appropriated by white people.)

Discussion of the history of the word ‘queer’ and why it’s better than ‘SGA’: x, x, x, x, x

There are also many “SGA and trans” aces who are against the gatekeeping and feel that they are hated by these aphobes.

You’re not protecting me by being an ace/aro exclusionist.

What we hear when you say “I only support SGA Asexuals/Aromantics”

my favourite thing is when aphobes try to tell me that their aphobia doesn’t apply to me / affect me because “[i’m] queer for other reasons”

okay, you wanna know why I’m for including all aces in the LGBT+ community?

Why your acephobia and arophobia is really just bullshit

it really annoys me when I see Discoursers say they support LGBT+ aces, just not cishet ones.

when you say “i accept sga and trans aces and aros but not cishet aces/aros because they’re straight”

Suffering! Suffering?

when people ‘accept’ sga/mga/non-cis aces and aros, but not others, what it actually means is they accept the part of you that isn’t directly tied to your asexuality/aromanticism

if ur gonna fuckin claim those four letters cover them & the whole damn community, they sure as fuck can cover aces as well

“Ace discourse” is really a Tumblr-only thing

I’m a lesbian ace and I’ve never felt more worthless and disgusting than this ace discourse

The reason even trans and bi/gay/pan/etc asexuals get defensive when you talk about cishet aces/aros not being part of the LGBT+ community is because you’re erasing a part of our identity??

If you talk shit about aces/aros with the disclaimer “cishet” it still affects all aces. Saying “notably cishet aces should all go die” still makes all ace/aro people feel like they are being called out.

Your “discourse” is harmful to all asexuals. And PS, your rhetoric is literally indistinguishable from TWERF rhetoric. 

“The LGBT community has always been about fighting homophobia and transphobia/we came together to fight homophobia and transphobia”

“Homophobia and Transphobia”: What does the LGBT+ community fight for?

The modern American movement was first known as the “gay community” when cis gay men refused to even accept lesbians, then the “gay and lesbian community”. (Good reading on the subject.)

“After the elation of change following group action in the Stonewall riots in New York, in the late 1970s and the early 1980s, some gays and lesbians became less accepting of bisexual or transgender people. Critics said that transgender people were acting out stereotypes and bisexuals were simply gay men or lesbian women who were afraid to come out and be honest about their identity. Each community has struggled to develop its own identity including whether, and how, to align with other gender and sexuality-based communities, at times excluding other subgroups; these conflicts continue to this day.” (source)

“From about 1988, activists began to use the initialism LGBT in the United States. Not until the 1990s within the movement did gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people gain equal respect.” (ibid)

These are scans of a gay magazine from 1999 showing that 48% of those surveyed did not believe that trans people should be a part of the gay community.

The community’s boundaries have always been in flux

Insisting that LG people have always been accepting of bi and trans people is incredibly revisionist and does a great deal of injustice to those who have been excluded.

Despite the fact that bisexual and transgender people have always been around, and have done great things for the community, they have faced a great deal of lateral oppression from the LG part of the group that did not want to see them get an equal share of attention, support, or legitimacy. This post is not about proving LG transphobia and biphobia, but it’s so rampant that I don’t feel like I need to provide sources whatsoever. Nevertheless, here’s a collection of biphobia, and the blog @terf-callout documents some of the violent transphobia on this site, particularly in the lesbian community. This post is an example. 

“The A stands for Ally so that closeted people can be the community without being outed”

No one is saying that we don’t care about closeted people, but a) even if you’re a closeted L, G, B, or T, you are still a L, G, B, or T. Allies do not need to be part of the acronym to be intrinsically welcomed. As someone said, this is like saying the ‘B’ in BLT stands for ‘bread’. We can pretty much safely assume that a sandwich is going to include bread, we don’t have to go of our way to give it a letter. Either you are outing every “ally” as a closeted queer person, or you are giving 100% cis straight people an LGBTQ member card, the very thing you are arguing against by trying to exclude asexuals.

Furthermore, this puts forth the argument “I’m willing to let cishet straight people into the community for the sake of a few closeted people” while at the same time stating “I’m not willing to let the A stand for asexuals because I don’t think letting cis heteroromantic asexuals into the community is worth giving all asexuals representation and support”. Which says that you consider asexuals less valuable and more of a threat than cis straight people.

Bonus: The History of LGBT(QQIAAP+)

“Aces have never been a part of the LGBTQ/queer community”

Asexuals recorded as “Group X” in the 1948 Kinsey Reports

What is asexual history? The 19th and 20th century

From The Westminster Review, a political magazine, in 1907; an essay by Helen Fraser called Women’s Suffrage, on how if women got the vote, butch and ace women were gonna dominate the whole thing and screw it up for all the Real Ladies.

The Spinster Movement, and how they were treated as queer

From “Feminism,” by Correa Moylan Walsh, 1917

the “aces/aros were part of the bi community until they very recently chose to split off, so stop telling them that they have never been queer or that they don’t belong in ‘the LGBT community’” masterpost

asexuality existed before David Jay and AVEN

“Where were you when…?” A History of Asexual Inclusion (Part One)

“Where were you when…?” A History of Asexual Inclusion (Part Two)

“Stop tokenizing bi and trans people/stop comparing bi/trans and ace experiences”

We’re not the ones doing it. They are comparing them, themselves.

Bisexual person discussing the similarities of anti-bi and anti-ace arguments

Pansexual person discussing the similarities in treatment (Follow up post)

Bisexual person recalling ace inclusion and discussing the similarities

Bisexual person discussing “SGA discourse”

Panromantic genderfluid person discussing lateral aggression

This Blog Explicitly Welcomes All Ace/Aro Folks As Part Of LGBTQIA

Bisexual trans person discussing the nature of asexuality

Trans lesbian discusses the identical nature of TWERF and aphobe rethoric

Pansexual person tells you to Cut It Out

Bisexual person discussing how the unifying common point of the community is deviation from the cisheteronormative norm

Bisexual genderqueer person says that the bi community and the a-spec community have a deep history together and have always been allies

Bisexual trans person discusses how we can relate to each other

Trans lesbian TAKES. YOU. DOWN.

Bisexual person arguing that all asexuals are queer

“I have proof of an asexual being homophobic/transphobic/racist/a terrible person”

Of course there are asexuals who are terrible people. There are legions of gays and lesbians who are racist and transphobic. Does that make them not gay/lesbian? Does their bigotry invalidate their sexual orientation, or remove the L and G from the acronym? No, I don’t think so. Some asexuals being bad people doesn’t justify you trying to invalidate all of us.

“’Allosexual’ is a bad word because ____”

I actually have an ‘allosexual’ tag just for posts about why ‘allosexual’ is a perfectly fine word: x, x, x, x, x. x

“The split-attraction model is homophobic”

What we call the split-attraction model was first described by Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, a gay advocate from the 1800s, as “disjunctive uranodioning”. (source) (credit to this post)

“The term ‘corrective rape’ was coined by South African lesbians and should only be used by lesbians”

No one means any disrespect to lesbians or other victims of corrective rape, but this is not a correct statement.

“We’ll Show You You’re a Woman” describes the violence directed towards LGBT people in South Africa, stating, “Negative public attitudes towards homosexuality go hand in hand with a broader pattern of discrimination, violence, hatred, and extreme prejudice against people known or assumed to be lesbian, gay, and transgender, or those who violate gender and sexual norms in appearance or conduct (such as women playing soccer, dressing in a masculine manner, and refusing to date men).” It goes on to say, “Much of the recent media coverage of violence against lesbians and transgender men has been characterized by a focus on “corrective rape,” a phenomenon in which men rape people they presume or know to be lesbians in order to “convert” them to heterosexuality.”

The Wikipedia article on corrective rape in South Africa states that, “A study conducted by OUT LGBT Well-being and the University of South Africa Centre for Applied Psychology (UCAP) showed that “the percentage of black gay men who said they have experienced corrective rape matched that of the black lesbians who partook in the study”.”

It is not only lesbians, but also bisexual women, transgender men, gay men, and gender non-conforming people in South Africa who experience corrective rape. This is not in any way meant to minimize the horror of the epidemic or shift attention away from lesbians, but other victims, including asexuals, deserve attention as well. Do not silence or speak over victims of rape by policing their language.

“Aces are valid, they’re just not queer/LGBTQ”

You cannot in one breath say “Asexuals are valid” and in the next deny their experiences. Spend five minutes in the community and you will see testimony after testimony from aces describing their abuse, their sexual assault(s), the countless times people have called them confused, broken, wrong, mentally ill, inhuman, sinful, and how these experiences have left them feeling hopeless, alone, alienated, subhuman, depressed, and suicidal. Almost every asexual out there will tell you a story of how their orientation has caused them pain and struggle, and you can’t call them valid while at the same time calling these experiences invalid and nonexistent.

Bonus: This is a list of all the mainstream LGBTQ groups that include asexuals.

“Form your own community!”

a) We do have our own community, because every letter in the acronym has its own community and yet is still part of the acronym, b) you fucking shits won’t stop sending us hate and bombarding us with shit meant to trigger and harass us.

“Aces take resources from other LGBTQ who need them”

I’ve seen some pretty wild claims about this one, insisting that asexuals “steal” things such as scholarships, beds at homeless shelters, food and space at pride events, suicide hotlines, and so on, yet I have never seen any actual proof that any “stealing” has ever taken place. For one thing, I thought “you’ll never get kicked out or fired for being ace”, “no one is suicidal because they’re asexual”, so why would you think aces need these resources? Either we don’t need them or we don’t use them, you can’t have it both ways. 

For another, how heartless do you have to be to tell asexuals that they can’t use suicide hotlines? Do you realize that you’re saying that asexuals should be denied life-saving services? That, in essence, asexuals are suicidal due to their orientation, but you think they’re not “queer enough” so they deserve to die? Because that is the logical progression of refusing someone suicide prevention, and that’s the message aces receive when you tell them they are “stealing” suicide prevention. 

LGBTQ resources offer them to asexuals, and benefit from us using them.

Lastly, do you not realize we are also PROVIDING resources? We are bringing bodies and minds to the community, we are here to be voices, to volunteer, to bring encouragement, information, and support. We earn our keep. You just have to admit that you don’t WANT us here. 

“Nobody wants to hear about your nonexistent sex life”

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Me: Going into school week utterly exhausted, haven't done anything all weekend but study and survive on coffee, literally studied over eight hours straight on one subject today, would actually die in a job

Me: I can't believe I don't have a job, I feel lazy, I'm so stressed about money, I should start applying

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In all honesty having a skin condition isn’t the worst. I mean, it doesn’t impede my living that much, it does have an impact on my self-esteem but c’mon, life could be so much worse.

If only

it didn’t

itch

so

much

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On Lestrade, Conan Doyle, and Sherlock

It’s time to revisit this, I think.

In recent trips back through Arthur Conan Doyle’s works featuring Sherlock Holmes, I’ve been thinking of the character trajectories across the stories, especially regarding Holmes’s relationship to Lestrade (less celebrated that the brilliant Holmes-Watson partnership, but nonetheless fascinating).

“We All Three Shook Hands” by Sidney Paget, 1902 (L to R: Lestrade, Holmes, and Watson)

My thoughts are based on looking at the novels and short stories in internal chronological order (wherever it can be determined), not publication order.

Holmes

Point the First: Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes is quite capable of being obnoxious in the BBC's Sherlock Cumberbatchian sense. Perhaps one of the worst affronts appears in “The Boscombe Valley Mystery” (set in 1889), in which Holmes plays his “Lestrade’s So Stupid That He Wouldn’t Understand X” game. The example he chooses, however, 1) is one that Watson doesn’t comprehend either and, more to the point, 2) is one predicated on Holmes’s own knowledge of Watson’s daily grooming habits gained only by the fact he’s lived with Watson for years. Of course Lestrade wouldn’t reach Holmes’s conclusion: he’s never lived with Watson, and thus he has no access to that data! The entire exercise is just an excuse for Holmes to show off, not an honest assessment of Lestrade’s abilities. Holmes is none too gentle with delivering the insulting conclusion of his reasoning, for that matter, and thus he humiliates Watson. If Lestrade (or Watson) appears to get short-tempered with Holmes now and again, it’s not unwarranted.

Point the Second and the More Important: Holmes shows rather compelling character development over the years (and here I’m reminded of the great man/good man point articulated by Lestrade in Sherlock), and it’s instructive to watch this unfold through his relationship with Lestrade. [1]

In “The Five Orange Pips” (set in 1887), when Watson asks if their unknown visitor might be a friend of Holmes, Holmes replies: “Except yourself I have none,” he answered. “I do not encourage visitors." [2]

Yet in that same year, Holmes’s professional familiarity with Lestrade leads him to treat the Inspector not as a guest who requires formal hospitality, but rather as a regular visitor free to consider himself welcome and make himself at home (in "The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor”):

“Good-afternoon, Lestrade! You will find an extra tumbler upon the sideboard, and there are cigars in the box.”

In Holmes’s letter to Watson in “The Final Problem” (set in 1891), Holmes admits that he has “friends” (plural) who will feel “pain” at his loss.

In “The Adventure of the Empty House” (set in 1894), Holmes identifies Lestrade – in front of both Holmes’s would-be murderer Colonel Sebastian Moran and, for the very first time, Lestrade himself – as “my friend Lestrade.” (He refers to Lestrade as “friend Lestrade” multiple times thereafter.)[3]

By “The Adventure of the Six Napoleons” (set in 1900), Holmes regularly welcomes Lestrade’s social visits (above and beyond professional meetings about their joint work on a case) with a drop-by-unannounced intimacy usually reserved for one’s closest friends and family. 

It was no very unusual thing for Mr. Lestrade, of Scotland Yard, to look in upon us of an evening, and his visits were welcome to Sherlock Holmes, for they enabled him to keep in touch with all that was going on at the police headquarters. In return for the news which Lestrade would bring, Holmes was always ready to listen with attention to the details of any case upon which the detective was engaged, and was able occasionally, without any active interference, to give some hint or suggestion drawn from his own vast knowledge and experience.

On this particular evening, Lestrade had spoken of the weather and the newspapers. Then he had fallen silent, puffing thoughtfully at his cigar. Holmes looked keenly at him.

“Anything remarkable on hand?” he asked. “Oh, no, Mr. Holmes–nothing very particular.” “Then tell me about it.” Lestrade laughed.

In the same story, Holmes even takes pains to consider Lestrade’s personal comfort, after he’s asked the Inspector to lengthen an already long day by accompanying him on a late-night expedition. Without prompting, Holmes offers food and a nap with easy familiarity: 

“You’ll dine with us, Lestrade, and then you are welcome to the sofa until it is time for us to start.”

Lestrade

Lestrade is practical throughout – he bristles at insults and scorns the thought of trusting theorizing over legwork, and yet he proves willing to admit his own mistakes from the very first (“I freely confess that I was of the opinion that Stangerson was concerned in the death of Drebber. This fresh development has shown me that I was completely mistaken…” in A Study in Scarlet, set in 1881) – but it’s clear that the no-nonsense pragmatism of his relations with Holmes grows into genuine warmth and affection over time. Beyond the above examples, there are others.

By the time of The Hound of the Baskervilles (probably set in 1888 or 1889, though possibly as late as 1899 or 1900), Holmes is requesting Lestrade’s presence (“He is the best of the professionals, I think, and we may need his assistance,” Holmes tells Watson), and Watson can see just how their chemistry has matured: 

The London express came roaring into the station, and a small, wiry bulldog of a man had sprung from a first-class carriage. We all three shook hands, and I saw at once from the reverential way in which Lestrade gazed at my companion that he had learned a good deal since the days when they had first worked together. I could well remember the scorn which the theories of the reasoner used then to excite in the practical man.

“The Adventure of the Norwood Builder” (set in 1894 or 1895) shows a friendly competition between Holmes and Lestrade in which each teases and mocks the other when the facts seem to fit his theory. (At one point, Holmes confesses to Watson, “…upon my soul, I believe for once the fellow is on the right track and we are on the wrong.”) But Lestrade is “a practical man,” as he admits, and when Holmes ultimately reveals the definitive truth with much added (and arguably unnecessary) drama, Lestrade reacts not with hurt pride or wounded ego, but genuine appreciation. (He also immediately gives credit where credit is due, telling the culprit, “You have done your best to get an innocent man hanged. If it wasn’t for this gentleman here, I am not sure that you would not have succeeded.”) The physical response from the normally reserved Holmes when Lestrade offers his gratitude speaks volumes: 

“… I don’t mind saying, in the presence of Dr. Watson, that this is the brightest thing that you have done yet, though it is a mystery to me how you did it. You have saved an innocent man’s life, and you have prevented a very grave scandal, which would have ruined my reputation in the Force.”

Holmes smiled, and clapped Lestrade upon the shoulder.

And then of course there’s the justifiably famous exchange in “The Adventure of the Six Napoleons” (set in 1900):

“Well,” said Lestrade, “I’ve seen you handle a good many cases, Mr. Holmes, but I don’t know that I ever knew a more workmanlike one than that. We’re not jealous of you at Scotland Yard. No, sir, we are very proud of you, and if you come down to-morrow, there’s not a man, from the oldest inspector to the youngest constable, who wouldn’t be glad to shake you by the hand.”

“Thank you!” said Holmes. “Thank you!” and as he turned away, it seemed to me that he was more nearly moved by the softer human emotions than I had ever seen him.

Note: It’s no wonder why Holmes might rely on the tenacious Inspector (in addition to his always-worthy Watson) in a situation that has the potential for real danger, such as in The Hound of the Baskervilles. After all, Lestrade proves time and again willing to confront the villains by himself without backup, including Joseph Stangerson in A Study in Scarlet and James Browner in “The Adventure of the Cardboard Box.” For that matter, although he’s the slightest man physically in a room of five, Lestrade is the one to bring down the “so powerful and so fierce” Jefferson Hope by “half-strangling” him in A Study in Scarlet. Holmes underscores his trust in the Inspector by calling upon Lestrade once again in “The Adventure of the Empty House,” in this case to assist in the capture of the vengeful Colonel Sebastian Moran.

Random Musings Related to ACD Canon and the BBC’s Sherlock

According to my calculations (which I’m happy to explain and be corrected upon), there was approximately a fifteen-year spread between ACD’s Sherlock Holmes and Inspector Lestrade, with John Watson and Mycroft Holmes in the middle. If you take the ages of the four male leads in Sherlock, there is a fourteen-year spread between the youngest (Benedict Cumberbatch) and the eldest (Rupert Graves), with Martin Freeman and Mark Gatiss in the middle.

Also according to my calculations, at the time of ACD’s “The Adventure of the Empty House,” Sherlock Holmes was 40, John Watson was 41 and nearing 42, Mycroft Holmes was 47, and Inspector Lestrade was approximately 55. As for BBC’s Sherlock, at the time of the filming of the third-series episode “The Empty Hearse,” this puts Martin Freeman and Mark Gatiss at the perfect ages, and Benedict Cumberbatch and Rupert Graves equally four-five years younger than their respective characters.

I wonder if the naming of Sherlock’s Molly Hooper is a nod to Molly Robertson-Kirk, a.k.a. “Lady Molly of Scotland Yard” (who was, after all, a contemporary of Sherlock Holmes).

I suspect that Sherlock’s “Greg Lestrade” wasn’t originally intended to be short for “Gregory Lestrade,” but rather for “Gregson Lestrade.” In this way, Moffat and Gatiss could seamlessly combine Inspectors Lestrade and Gregson, who are identified by ACD’s Holmes as, among the Scotland Yard professionals, “the pick of a bad lot. They are both quick and energetic, but conventional — shockingly so.” (A Study in Scarlet) This theory may have been Jossed by the Steve Thompson-penned third episode of the second series (in which Lestrade is cut off as he’s trying to explain that other D.I.s have consulted Sherlock besides him, and names Gregson as he’s interrupted). The full implications of this throwaway mention of Gregson is as yet unclear.

[1] There are other interesting character changes Holmes exhibits, including his evolving thoughts on justice vs. law and means vs. ends, but I’m particularly thinking of his personal, non-Watsonian relationships at present.

[2] It’s perhaps worth pointing out that Holmes describes Watson as “not a man with intimate friends” (save, Holmes implies, himself) in The Hound of the Baskervilles.

[3] Interestingly enough, Watson begins referring to Lestrade as “our old friend Lestrade” in works set in 1894 and 1895, including “The Adventure of the Norwood Builder” and “The Adventure of the Bruce-Partington Plans.”

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Things The White Guy Next To Me In The Coffee Shop Has Actually Said

"I'm an acupuncturist, and I was looking for a girl but like, they're all fundamentalists and I'm like, a free spirit" "I could like never speak Japanese and that would just be too much" "I had a dream Mt Fuji was inviting me to Japan" "Sometimes I think I'm more Japanese than American" "And so when I got back and divorced and all that - we both had issues y'know and all - I wrote my novel" "My blood pressure was unbelievable, I was DYING."

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stop believing that you ran out of time to shape yourself into who you want to be! stop believing that its ruined! stop believing you don’t have potential! you are not a fixed being! you have endless opportunities to grow.

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sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.

“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.

“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.

when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.

if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.

you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.

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Dear trans boys/men: This is a friendly note about being unable to use the loo standing: it is not a masculine right of passage. You don't have to do it. I say this for several reasons: A) lots of cis dudes ignore the urinal. It's got a lack of privacy. Some people (like my cis SO) are uncircumcised. Trying to aim with a foreskin is apparently a giant pain. B) I am a medical assistant. Do you know how many old cis men come in and are told to pee sitting down? A lot. Why? It can lead to elderly people fainting from a sudden blood pressure drop with the release. For whatever reason, old cis dudes are really stupid about this. This often means they come in a week later, dragged by their SO, with a concussion. Why concussion, you ask? Well, because their pride meant they had to pee standing or die trying, and they fainted, hit their head on the loo door, and had to be rescued under embarrassing circumstances. This then leads to them peeing in a bottle for a bit if they're under bed rest from the concussion. Why don't people with vaginas have this problem? Well, vagina-owners do experience a drop in blood pressure but they're generally sitting. Which means no embarrassing loo rescues. Don't be that guy who has to have the paramedics called cause he fainted in the loo when he was old. ((This can also happen with certain medications that effect blood pressure. Just sit down.)) C) aiming. Look. I mentioned this earlier but for the love of god. In restrooms with no urinal, everyone, cis, trans, EVERYONE, should sit. Nobody wants to deal with the mess left behind from a bad aimer. To conclude: many cis men don't do it, and you certainly don't have to, and it can be safer and more hygienic to just sit down. I've met a few trans guys who were stressed about using the men's loo if they couldn't use the urinal, worried it might out them if they didn't use it but also worried someone would take a glance and out them if they did use it. So this is a friendly nudge that the stalls are fine.