foreverabeliever

[foreverabeliever]

You are not a failure

That's for sure

For The One who created you

Was The Almighty One

Even if you fail

The Almighty One never does

Even if you stumble

The Almighty One won't let you fall

Only when you truly believe

You will see all work together

To bring peace and contentment

To bring joy and gratefulness

Be on to The Almighty One

All your trust

All your praises

All your life

-Elise

[foreverabeliever]

In this river

I shall go with the flow

Against the tide I try

But I can't hold on

Now it feels good

To rest easy

And go with the flow

In this river

Elise

[foreverabeliever]

To be young and broken inside.

I need my Savior to guide.

But I hide.

Elise

[foreverabeliever]

[foreverabeliever]

"When will you stop worrying and feeling guilty?"

She asked herself.

[foreverabeliever]

That feeling of dissatisfaction and discontentment after you have accomplished something great (in a young age), only to have your ambitions collide with your need to spend more time with people you love dearly.

~Here I am again, second-guessing every single decision I ever made.~

[foreverabeliever]

The older I get, the less I give a damn on what other people think, also the less I become judgmental.

I guess being older doesn't sound so bad.

-Me on my 30s-

[foreverabeliever]

[foreverabeliever]

[foreverabeliever]

Little girl's wildest dream

As a little girl, I was always a fan of an alpha woman, or a female lead in a movie or anime, who has strong personality, and can lead people to make things happen. Though I wish to be like that, as I grow up, I realize that's not who I truly am no matter how hard I try.

I am not an alpha woman (probably will never be), who has strong personality that people may follow. Instead I have grown myself into a woman with strong sense of humility and justice, and I have a strong belief in what I know is true. I might not be that person who can lead or stand out, but I stand for what I believe and I tend to work behind the curtain to thrive, to achieve my goals or to help people in need.

Being an alpha woman used to be my wildest childhood dream. But as I grow old I learn to embrace the person I have become, and I am proud of how far I go.

[foreverabeliever]

[foreverabeliever]

If I ask God to put some of His wisdom in me. Will God give me what my heart desire? Or will He judge me for wanting more?

I desire for wisdom and knowledge, so I pursue my study, but I always feel like what I am capable of is so little comparing to the ambitions I have or achievement I have always desired.

Sometimes I wish I had more wisdom from God, to understand everything clearly, to achieve more than what I have already done. I have always been scared of not getting enough insight or knowledge.

Most of all deep down I am scared of being unable to understand what God wants me to do, or what He wants me to become in this world. If I had more of His wisdom, will I still be scared of being clueless?

One thing that I hope for now, may God always gives my heart the right desire.

[foreverabeliever]

I miss you.

I miss you more.

I miss you most.

[foreverabeliever]

Life update...

I stumbled my feet a lot more than I expected. I failed my final test which caused me to suffer on a level that I never imagined. I know it's common to fail one or two tests, and I don't want to make it a big deal. But to fail on a test that you put all your efforts, energy, and heart into it was just another level of heartbreak. It feels like being late for a train you have been waiting for so long.

The failure did break me, but it also brought me into a lot of meditating on how the failure affected my life so far. I got another chance to be free, to enjoy little things while slowing down a bit, and perhaps being more of an adult than I was. For the most part, I can say that life has been treating me well.

I am thankful, or at least I learn to be thankful for the lesson learned for the last 6 months. Now I am praying and looking forward to what the future holds.

15/02/2023

[foreverabeliever]

[foreverabeliever]

I would do anything to go back. Just to feel the first time of everything once again.

The first time of feeling my heart beating out loud when you’re close, the chills of feeling the first touch, the first kiss when nobody’s watching, and the i-wish-time-would-stop kind of embrace.

-14/02/2023

[foreverabeliever]