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[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

The Sky Burns with Fire

Second part of the Spider Virgil series! 

For those of you who enjoyed these so far, this is going to be part of a series! You can find the series under the fanfic masterlist, if you’re interesting in looking at that one too. If you’d like to talk more about this AU, you can send me an ask at @foxfire-and-midnight-wings​ or on here.

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[Fanfic Masterlist]

Warnings: Hinted panic attack, mention of spider traits, anxious/depressive/intrusive thoughts, mental breakdowns, self-blame/self-hate, unhealthy coping mechanisms, allusion to self-harm, overworking/overexertion and mention of the collapse that happens afterward,

[Argument Aftermath]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

Virgil goes into his room to see Janus and Remus already there, the former who looks pretty guilty

Virgil is still shaking, and when Janus sees the state he’s in, his guilt increases by tenfold

Both Janus and Remus back off to give him space, and Janus ask Virgil if he wants them to leave

“Please, don’t.” “... Alright, but if you change your mind, please let us know.”

Virgil goes into his side bathroom and takes off his makeup, and then changes into his hoodie that Remus made specifically to let his spider legs through too

He goes out and climbs into his hanging hammock, and just curls up underneath the covers for a while

He has to forcefully remind himself to do the 4-8-7 exercise, which he is very thankful about because it helps him try to get his mind off of what happened

His anxiety keeps throwing thoughts through his head that he knows aren’t true, but it still made it hard for him to focus at times

Janus makes them all some tea, and starts to try and make Virgil a snack to eat

Remus remembers about how Virgil would sometimes have worse panic attacks if he was around others in a quiet room, so he starts to hum really loud

Janus eventually joins him, and after a couple minutes they’re both quietly singing an abundance of different musical songs

The singing mixed with the breathing exercise helps Virgil have something else to distract him from his thoughts. He was tempted to blast music through his headphones to try and drown out the anxious thoughts, but once Remus started humming he decided against it

After around 30 minutes, Virgil is calm enough to come back down, and he takes the tea gratefully

It’s silent for maybe a minute, before Janus apologizes

He goes on to say that he knows they all said Virgil’s name was something that could be talked about and revealed, but that the situation was not the best place to say it.

“I know that this entire situation was agreed upon so we could help the others not know about our friendship, and so they wouldn’t question you about us. By making it an intentional topic of ‘tension’, it would deter them from asking about us, and in turn would prevent them from asking about your spider traits. But if you want us to stop or to bring back the intensity, please let us know. I know that the acting can get intense, and that it may feel too real at times, and I want you to know that it’s okay if we need to change our plans.”

He goes on to say that he knows Virgil may need time away from them after some of their “arguments” to help calm down, and that it’s perfectly okay with both him and Remus.

Virgil is just sitting here drinking his tea after the first 5 minutes of this internally going “alright, okay, I know.”

After Janus is done with his long talk, Virgil just looks him in the eyes and goes “bitch”

At first, Janus isn’t sure how to react. Because he just spent over five minutes telling Virgil that if he needed the plan to change, it was perfectly fine with them. And the first thing Virgil says is “bitch.”

There’s like. A moment of silence before Janus just goes “Does that mean okay?? What????”

Virgil starts laughing at this, before nodding

The whole reason Virgil is doing this, which Janus and Remus catch onto, is because he’s scared to confront the problem in a serious talk due to his anxiety

It isn’t even the fact that he doesn’t want to talk about it, no, he really wants to!

But his anxiety just keeps screaming “serious talk = bad”

He doesn’t even know why, but that’s why he tries joking. Almost as a way to lift the atmosphere a little and to help him calm down a little bit

They spend a couple more minutes joking around a little before Remus goes “Seriously though, Virge, if you need us to stop we can.”

After that, they actually start to talk about it

Much to Virgil’s reluctance, because his anxiety is constantly screaming at him. Fears about them wanting to leave him, hating him, and them telling him they don’t want to be friends anymore swirl around in his head

(What if they want to use this as a cover-up to stop talking to me? What if they’re using it as a way to try and tell me they hate me? To let me down gently? What if, what if, what if-)

They agree that they’ll continue the plan (much to Janus’ reluctance because he still feels bad), and they will meet up after every argument to talk about what was said and how to move forward.

Janus keeps reiterating to them both that if they need a break after an argument that it’s fine and they just need to say so.

Janus makes them some halloween themes cookies with Virgil’s help, and Remus decorates (after he promises to only use icing)

Virgil admits while eating the cookies that the name reveal did make him a little anxious, but that he knew it was one of the topic that would come up eventually (even if it wasn’t from Remus or Janus)

He says that he just needed the time in his hammock to recharge mentally and to calm down a little

He doesn’t blame Janus, and just says that it “gives him more of a reason to be on bad terms with the ‘dark sides’”

Basically, he says “it’s cool, it just sped up the other sides being uncomfortable talking about you two around me”

Eventually, they eat an actual meal before going to hang out in Janus’s room underneath his heat lamp

They all accidentally fall asleep there, but none of them mind (it’s not the first time they did this)

(But they always make sure to not let ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ know what’s going on. No one bothers to try telling him what happened.)

[How is Patton after all of this?]

well, Patton is very clearly wrecked.

He doesn’t take well the fact that Virgil was hiding something like that from them. Why? Because he worries that Virgil didn’t feel safe enough around them to say his real name and that they just pressured him into saying it

He feels bad because this was revealed and knows that Virgil is probably taking the reveal as bad as him

Which makes him feel guilty because he feels like he shouldn’t be feeling this bad because it wasn’t him who had a secret revealed after a huge argument

Needless to say, he cries more than a few tears

He slowly starts to get some intrusive depressive thoughts

Mainly, self-hatred and blame

He starts to blame himself for what happened, for not being able to stop it. He basically ends up arguing with himself over the entire situation

‘You should’ve done more, now look what happened. Virgil and Janus are both hurt, Virgil had a secret revealed and is probably having a panic attack over it, and you’re not even there to comfort him. What kind of father are you if you’re not even able to be there for your family?’

‘No, there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. They were already too far gone when I tried to intervene.’

‘Oh? Then why didn’t you intervene earlier?’

‘...’

‘Why didn’t you stop them sooner? Why didn’t you?’

‘I-... I don’t know...’

‘That’s a lie. You know exactly why. You just won’t admit it.’

‘Shut up. You’re not real, and you’re wrong. That wasn’t why’

‘Ah, but you know why, you just admit it. You just don’t want to face it.’

‘You were scared. But of who?’

‘See, that’s the thing! I don’t have a reason to have been scared.’

‘But you still didn’t do anything. You could’ve, but you didn’t. You were scared. You were a coward,’

‘Shut up! Just shut up!’

Patton, unlike Virgil or Remus, doesn’t have any way he’s found to fully drown the voice in his head out. He tries music, but it rarely works.

It’s a good thing that they’re not real, otherwise he definitely would’ve damaged his hearing by how loud he would play it.

There’s one other way that he’s tried to get it to stop but... he really doesn’t want to resort to that. He knows it’s unhealthy, and he really hates doing it

But sometimes it feels like it’s the only escape

So this time, when he spends 10 minutes blasting his music through his earbuds at maximum volume and the thoughts are still racing through his head, he makes up his mind

He takes off his earbuds and turns his phone off before locking his door. After all, he doesn’t want anyone to find out what he’s about to do

[How is Roman?]

He’s not taking it well. Like, at all. And that’s putting it lightly

He feels extremely mad at himself, but he feels overwhelming anger at Janus

‘How could he just say that?! Has he no pride or respect?’

Hidden underneath all the layers of anger, is guilt, shame, and fear

He blames himself for Virgil hiding his name, and he fears that his nicknames and teasing was actually taken seriously

He knows it probably wasn’t, considering Virgil often engaged in the banter and they rarely got into an actual argument. Most of the time they were small, teasing arguments. 

He fears that what he perceived as fun banter was actually being taken seriously and to heart. And that scares him most of all

Following the guilt of the possible miscommunication is shame

‘I’m the hero, I should’ve realized it was making him uncomfortable! And I should’ve seen if he was truly hurt by it,’ he thinks, ‘But I’m not, am I? There’s bound to have been signs that he was taking it seriously, but if I don’t really know him as well as I thought, how could I expect those little cues that I’m familiar with to have been true?’

‘Just how much was shown, but brushed off? Did I really fail to notice all of this for so long?’

After this, the anger is quickly drown out by the overwhelming guilt and shame.

It only takes a few more minutes for the tears to start to fall

Distantly, he wonders what else Virgil felt he had to hide from them just to avoid being ridiculed or hurt

The crying slowly morphs into a full-blown mental breakdown.

It lasts maybe 15, maybe 30 minutes. He’s not fully aware of how much time passes, but he knows that afterwards he is exhausted.

He takes a good 4 to 5 hour nap after he finishes, the mental and physical drain having finally taken its toll and making him basically pass out

When he wakes up, he still feels just as drained as before, but now he has a headache to accompany it

He feels super shitty, but knows that Virgil probably was also having a rough time with his anxiety and was probably worried that they would think of him differently, so he makes up his mind on what to do

After all, he couldn’t tell how much time had really passed (and was frankly too tired to bother checking), so he rules out trying to go to the Imagination

Normally, when he needed something to distract himself with, or he needed to let out some pent-up anger, he would go into the Imagination. He didn’t always go there, but when the thoughts were all-consuming and he needed a physical outlet, the Imagination was the best coping mechanism he could find

He knew it was much better than any other possibly more harmful alternatives (but he sometimes still succumbed to them. Not often, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.)

While his weren’t obvious in how they were harmful, if you saw how he looked afterwards you could tell it was hurting him. 

What did he do? 

He overworked himself. 

Painting until his fingers hurt too much to move, making music on different instruments until his mouth hurt and his fingers refused to move in time, creating drawings until his tools broke or his hand hurt too much to continue, dancing until he collapsed, the list goes on.

Basically, he worked himself until he either was in too much pain to continue or until he collapsed

In addition to all this, he didn’t want his creations to see him like this, or worse, be influenced by his state. That would only lead to disaster, and he knew that from experience.

What he decides to do isn’t much better than what he normally would’ve, but he’s going to make a large painting with Virgil’s full name displayed and a bunch of different designs around it

Storm clouds, purple and black striped hearts, gothic architecture, spider webs, etc.

He promises himself not to work himself to the point he normally would’ve, just to make sure no one else noticed. He wanted to give Virgil something to help him know that he’s loved and appreciated

If Virgil saw him absolutely wrecked because of it? He knew that Virgil would just blame himself for it

So he gets to work on the painting, which is huge.

Like, it’s probably ~8 by ~6 feet. Like I said, it’s huge

And he basically holes himself up there for multiple hours. He doesn’t bother checking the time, he just wants this done and to be the best it can be

Which, honestly, isn’t good. He almost works himself down like he normally would, but then he stops to think about what to do as a “break”

He doesn’t want to stop being productive because he hates the feeling of not doing anything, or having anything to focus on, and he knows that if he is left alone with his thoughts he will probably spiral again

So he goes to Logan to ask if there’s anyone famous in history with the name Virgilius, hopefully someone with written works so he can put different quotes there

He’s rewarded with Logan’s research (but he’s too caught up in his own work to notice how frazzled Logan looks) and goes to add on little quotes from the poets Publius Vergilius Maro and Virgil Carianopol, along with the writer Virgil the Grammarian

It takes him another couple of hours to figure out which quotes he wants to find, because he wanted some that he felt Virgil would like, which was fairly hard at times. 

It helped give his hands a little bit of a break, but honestly? Not much. Instead of drawing and painting, they were typing. He considers it a break, though, so that’s what matters to him.

He finished the painting, at last, and finally looks at the time

Turns out he spent almost a full 24 hours just on the painting and research. He knows that it’s probably not good that he completed such a large project in such a short amount of time, but he’s just glad it’s done

[What about Logan? How is he coping with all of this?]

Logan is the definition of unhealthy coping mechanisms

He writes down Virgil’s full name and starts to research anything and everything relating to the name

Astronomy, philosophy, psychology, everything.

he writes down every single person and makes sure to take time after he writes down all their names to actually look into them as people, and not just their works.

This is how he copes a lot of the time, actually

He tries to drown out the thoughts in his head threatening to make him finally break distract himself by finding out different or unusual facts about anything he can

This leads to him often researching and theorizing about the most obscure things. For example, once he was going down the rabbit hole fo snake research and started wondering just how much of the stuff he had found out applied to Janus. Could he unhinge his whole jaw, or at leas the snake part? Could his snake mouth even open? Did he have fangs? Venom?

(it wasn’t because Janus just revealed his name after he was forcefully silenced in an episode, and he couldn’t face the fact that it had actually happened just yet, it wasn’t.)

So, that’s how he was coping. The problem with his method is that he tended to get... too into what he was researching

This means that he often neglected anything else that wasn’t his work. If he wasn’t researching, he was planning and graphing, and if he wasn’t doing any of that? You could probably find him doing his own experiments in his room

(Some of which could get dangerous and explode, but that was the point, wasn’t it?)

The other sides call this his “Scientist Mode”, because they’ve caught him in the middle or at the end of the time he did this enough times that they just thought it was part of him being ‘logic’

They failed to look anywhere past that, but if they looked just a little closer, they would’ve seen what it had done to him.

To be fair, he was really good at covering it up. After all, when you’re an actor you have to use logic to figure out the best way to either hide something, or to highlight it

Many people, and even the other sides themselves, seemed to forget how much logic you have to use when acting and preforming

Sure, you do have to use creativity and you are essentially lying to the audience, but you also have to know how humans work to get the correct points across.

So anyways, Logan is also a really good actor, but instead of pretending to be happy like Patton or self-assured like Roman, he focuses on hiding all his emotions from the others

Which also means hiding anything he knows may cause them to be concerned for him

Hiding dark circles, straightening and ironing his clothes when he actually slept in them, standing straight instead of slouched down, etc.

He knows exactly how to hide all the details that the others would look for when trying to make sure he’s okay, and that’s what can get so dangerous

Because no one sees the exhaustion pulling at his bones, the way his mind is hazy and barely there, or the way that he takes maybe a second to long to respond

But if they looked close enough, they could see the glazed and distant look in his eyes. The way his movements were a little too stiff or a little too slow. Some of the smallest, but still noticeable details

Only two sides have confronted him about it, the third watching with silent concern. But he convinced them not to say anything. So they offer him a place to rest and recover, but they all three know that if they say something to the other sides, no one will listen

Maybe that’s what makes them reach out to him. Maybe it was something else

But those three sides are not there to see what he’s doing. They’re not there to see the mess he’s slowly becoming and the way he is throwing himself into his work this time

Which also means that there’s no one there to stop him and make him take a break

So, internally grateful that they’re not here to pull him away from his work, he dives headfirst into the research

Hours pass, and he hasn’t slowed down in the slightest. His hand starts to cramp, but he ignores it. They’re not real, so it shouldn’t hurt him in the long run.

He knows it’s not healthy, but he can’t bring himself to stop

He doesn’t get anything to eat or drink, opting to stay in his room. ‘It’s to maximize productivity’ he tells himself

Sometimes he wonders if this is the reason why Thomas has such a hard time getting and staying on a schedule

He does this more than he’d ever willingly admit, and he knows that it’s not good. So he limits himself to 5 hours at the max on days or nights when they have something important coming up.

After countless hours of research, when his hands are screaming in pain and barely able to move anymore, Roman comes to his door asking for his help

“I need anything you have on famous writers or poets with the name Virgilius. Don’t ask why yet, just please give me anything you’ve got.”

“How do you know I’ve got anything?”

“Logan, you’re surrounded by papers. Plus, this is an important reveal, I wouldn’t be surprised if you heard his name and geeked out because it matched the name of someone you know existed.”

“Okay, and?”

“And, while I probably would do that too, I need the name and information you can give me. It’s for a project.”

“... Fine”

Logan makes copies of his notes and hands Roman the papers he thinks would be helpful for whatever it is he’s doing, but makes sure to try and cover up the exhaustion and pain in his body and voice.

Luckily for him, Roman grabbed the papers and ran back to his room immediately afterwards, not even sparing him a second glace

He secretly wishes that he had. Wishes he noticed the pain he was in and forced him to take a break, while helping keep him distracted still. 

But he knows that won’t happen, so he turns back to his computer and gets back to work

No one sees him leave his room for the next 36 hours

Only three people grow concerned, but they know they can’t talk to him about it because they worry it would make his situation worse. They know he was using it to get his mind off what recently happened, so they knew that seeing any of them would only remind him of what he was trying to ignore

All of them, even Logan himself, know that he’ll have to face it eventually. But something about having a lot of knowledge and facts about a situation is comforting to him. So, he continues to work until he passes out, at which point he knew he couldn’t put off facing what had happened

[What about the last side, ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛?]

He doesn’t care much for what’s happening, honestly

Janus, Remus, and Virgil always ignore him and try to keep him away from everyone as much as possible

He doesn’t really know exactly what’s going on, but he has a vague idea due to over hearing Remus talking once

He also had heard Janus shush him as soon as he started speaking, not wanting ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ to know what was happening

The other ‘light sides’ know who he is, but make sure to avoid him at all costs... well, they knew him at one point

He hasn’t seen some of them in so long, he wouldn’t be surprised if one or more of them forgot he existed

Correction: he wouldn’t be surprised if they forgot who he is. He knows that they remember what he is

All in all, ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛’s not really involved much in this. He doesn’t really care about it either way

[Why was Virgil's name such a big deal?]

As we've seen, names are usually something that aren't given away immediately

For Virgil, when he was giving them his name, it was a sign of trust

Now, everyone's reactions may seen to have been... Over the top, right? A little dramatic, maybe, or too much?

The reason all of this happened though, wasn't just because of his name

It was because this was just one small part, the tipping point, of a longer series of events

By the time that Virgil and Janus finally got into an argument, tensions had already been running high between them

Not only had the events of Selfishness v Selflessness been a trainwreck on their own

Add in the fact that tensions continued to rise between the sides afterward? It’s a recipe for disaster to occur eventually

The Roman, Logan, and Patton had been forced to watch as things slowly started to spiral out of control

For Patton, this means he kept having doubts and insecurities that slowly piled up

He always feels like he needs to be the "more responsible side" because he knows Thomas listens to him the most, and that was something that affected him a lot during the courtroom scenes

He tries to be the best he can, even if that means trying to repress the negative feelings and thoughts he has, but he still doesn’t feel like it’s enough

And while they did have the talk earlier in the series about Patton's repression, that doesn't mean he immediately stopped

After repressing things for so long, you get into the habit of hiding it. You make it your default, and that's an incredibly hard habit to break

The problem is, no one else has realized that, while Patton said he would try, he is still repressing things. Which leads to his doubts, insecurities, and stress multiplying exponentially

For Roman, he had insecurities about his creations and placement among the other sides

Knowing that Virgil hid something considered so important from all of them?

Not only does it hurt, it feels like a stab in the chest of 'you're the reason he doesn't trust everyone'

No one else has noticed his self-destructive tendencies because he always makes sure to hide everything behind the egotistical persona he uses

Both Patton and Roman struggle with feeling like they're not good enough

They feel like they have to be perfect in everything they do, hence Patton's repression and Roman trying to always "be the hero", even when it hurts them more in the end

For Logan, he already has struggled with his emotions for a while. Having this event just makes some of his coping a little more obvious in its detriment

He is another example of the sides not realizing another one of them is hurting, mainly because they've been doing it for so long that they thought that was normal for them

Hell, Logan knows it's bad for his health, but because he's always preaching about good routines, everyone assumes he knows what he's doing

(Note: he doesn't. He hides his emotions so much from the others that when he gets like this, it's everything coming out all at once. There's just too much that he repressed that when it finally breaks through he can't do anything to stop it)

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Spider Virgil! (Introduction)

So, I guess this is a bullet fic? I always liked to write like these but never knew they had a name lol. Anyways, lets go!

If you’d like to talk more about this AU, you can send me an ask at @foxfire-and-midnight-wings​ or on here. (Preferably only using this one for asks that could bring potential to expand on the story or universe, with the other one for smaller asks and non-canon talk)

[Next]

[Fanfic Masterlist]

Warnings: super long post, talk about spiders and spider traits (fangs/venom, extra eyes, extra legs, etc.) and the usage of them, talks of spider and snake bites/venom (aka non-sexual biting), general anxiety thoughts and cognitive distortions

[This is basically an AU where Virgil has some spider-like traits, similarly to Remus and Janus with their respective animals. No one is unsympathetic!]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

First off, he has a little set of extra eyes underneath his 'real' eyes (only four eyes in total)

He got nervous before introducing himself to the other sides (aka the ‘light sides’) so he had Janus and Remus help him use makeup to hide them.

Janus & Remus understand bc while they like their animal traits they know he's always nervous about them.

While Remus only hides his octopus tentacles, Janus tends to hide his fangs, most his scales that aren’t on his face (ex: neck and shoulder), and his extra arms around many of the others.

Virgil has setules so he can climb walls and stuff, which is how he gets up and sits on places that shouldn't be sat on.

Also, he has 4 spider legs that are connected to the muscles on his back

One pair is positioned just underneath his shoulder blades, the other pair is around his mid-lower back

When he’s not hiding his legs, they usually are positioned as if they were giving him a weird hug (top are resting on his shoulders, bottom are wrapped a little bit around his torso)

Also fangs!

He has extended canine teeth that (surprise!) connect to a pair of venom glands on his neck

This means that his teeth are really sensitive too, though, which can suck at times

He had a bad habit of instinctually injecting venom into meat and stuff he eats, but luckily it doesn’t hurt him. Now that they’re all older though, all the ‘dark’ sides were able to adjust to their animal traits or habits.

In this case, that meant he trained himself not to automatically inject his venom into stuff

Remus was the first to find out about venom milking, because it’s Remus

Because both Janus and Virgil have fangs + venom, he knew that they were constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone and not having an antidote. So he brought up the idea to them

Luckily, they were all young when they discovered this so there weren’t any inappropriate jokes about it, but Remus makes them a lot in the present (along with the vore jokes, which everyone hates)

Basically, for those who don’t really know, the way people make antidotes and medicine to help with venom from animals like spiders and snakes is through extracting the venom by a process called “milking”

So they ended up experimenting a lot and they eventually made their own antidotes to both Janus and Virgil’s venom

And once they both also learned how to bite things (and as a result each other) without using their venom

(Snakes and spiders can do what’s called a “dry bite”, basically they bite without injecting venom into what they bit)

This revelation ends up with Janus and Virgil often threatening to bite the other person, sometimes if they fight they actually do

The antidotes have been helpful on the few occasions one of them injects a tiny bit of venom by accident (which was extremely rare, and only ever happened when they were younger)

Virgil and Janus still regularly milk and make their antidotes, and they usually keep some of both in all three of their rooms for emergencies

(sometimes they do it just because they can, and end up giving it to Remus so he can do weird experiments with it in the Imagination)

Also, the hissing? Janus is a snake, so that makes sense. But Virgil?

Well, after a little research, they ended up finding out that spiders make a low hissing noise called “stridulation”. So technically, spiders hiss too.

Virgil uses that against Remus when he tries comparing him to a kitten, and he threatens to bite him

[The Present Situation w/ the Other Sides]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

He was planning a big reveal for the ‘light’ sides at one point (before he was accepted) but he never went through with it

Because Accepting Anxiety happened, he was worried he'd lose the friendship/acceptance of the others due to his traits. (Anxiety and cognitive distortions, y'know? Plus, he saw how freaked out Patton and the others were by the spider decorations in his room, how could he expect them to react any different to him?)

And so he continues to hide them and his other abilities

which is an absolute pain because while he can easily cover up his extra pair of eyes, he has to be very careful about not showing anyone his fangs

And don’t get me started on how hard it’d be for him to get into his jacket and positioning it just right so his legs aren’t being squished but they aren’t very visible

Fun fact! That’s why he always appears on the stairs. he can easily hide them by leaning against the wall or positioning his back to where no one can see them

But he still gets little urges to do things spider-like because of his anxiety.

For example: crawl up the wall and go in corner = no people = safe

So to fill that little spider instinct to crawl up places to get away from people he takes to sitting in places he shouldn't.

Top of the fridge, the counter, anywhere he can get while being able to reason his way out of being questioned on how he got up there

To his surprise, no one stops him. If anything, Patton calls it cute and Roman basically encourages it

And so things go on like normal, and he always takes off his makeup once he's in his room.

Sometimes he indulges a bit and climbs the walls

He has a small resting area that looks similar to a hammock (but it’s practically a nest of blankets) that’s connected to his walls. Sometimes he’ll sleep up there because it’s off the ground and away from everything

he tends to lay on his stomach and to spread out as much as he can when up there

(Janus and Remus find it hilarious, but Virgil points out that Janus can’t say anything because he does that too)

No one has seemed to catch on that he has spider traits, and he is extremely relieved about that

Then Janus comes along and introduces himself to Thomas and the others.

And then Remus joins in too.

And while none of them are on bad terms, Virgil gets more and more worried someone is going to point out their animal traits and ask him if he has any.

And he worries because he doesn't know how to respond

He can't just say

"Oh yeah, all the 'dark' sides have animal traits and I've just been hiding mine from you in fear of rejection and that you'll all hate me. By the way, my anxiety is making me not say anything about this because I'll have a panic attack just thinking about telling you, and so I haven't said anything about it, and the more time that passes makes the anxiety about telling you guys worse which causes me to put it off even more. And it causes a spiral from there that often makes me whole myself up in my room for days on end."

So he tries to prevent anyone from asking about the 'dark' sides by making it seem like he left them on extremely bad terms.

It takes a minute for Janus to realize it’s not the normal banter they throw around, it’s something more desperate and anxiety-ridden

Janus catches onto his plan very quickly, and when he can he gets Virgil alone with him and Remus to talk it out.

Virgil tells them about his fears of rejection and how none of them know about his spider traits (especially because they went to his room once and Patton was freaked out just by the spider curtains, making his fears worse)

So they all make an agreement to help Virgil hide his traits and to make a plan to help the others not ask them about each other

And then Remus just goes "so you're saying I can fuck with my brother? That's the plan, right?"

Cause he is so on board as long as he can cause chaos.

And what better way to cause chaos than by pretending to be in an arguement or on extremely bad terms with a close friend, forcing the others to watch it happen and be uncomfortable as they argue back and forth

Janus just agrees because he likes being dramatic and it's not like they didn't banter a lot before now, they just get to make it public and more "serious" than before

(They all know it’s just because he wants to be part of the Drama™)

They make a list of things they can and cannot make jabs/remarks about

And then they prepare for the chaos

(Note: This is not them being “unsympathetic”, they all agreed on the plan and all know what they are signing up for. The entire purpose is to make the others think that they have bad relations with each other, which some may interpret the arguing/jabs as the characters being “unsympathetic”)

[The Chaos Time Begins]

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So this all happens before Selfishness v. Selflessness, right?

Which is what makes the entire courtroom scene funny to the ‘dark’ sides, bc they all were planning to have that be when the drama really started to take off

When in the courtroom and Janus makes the comment about Virgil’s name, he really wasn’t expecting that, but after the initial panic passed he was like ‘I mean, alright I guess’

He didn’t really want them to know anything about his full name (Virgilius), but it wasn’t going to really hurt him

(He just wanted to avoid any of the references or jokes Roman and Logan would definitely make because he already got enough of it from Janus and Remus)

and the plan worked! almost a little too well, though...

After the courtroom scene ends, there’s a couple days of silence where everyone just. Doesn’t talk about it. At all. The ‘dark’ sides were prepared for this, so it’s not too bad for them, but it makes Virgil feel very awkward when around the others.

Then, after the third day of awkward avoidance, Patton and Roman gather all of them in the living room to try and make sure everything is okay.

Unfortunately for them, Patton had also invited Janus up there because he saw the tension between him and Virgil

And Janus physically restrains himself from showing how excited he is because this is the perfect way to make the Drama™ officially known

Virgil is just chilling on the couch waiting for everything to spiral, because while he appreciates the effort, the fighting is completely intentional. So there’s no stopping it now

It goes about as well as you can expect

While everyone else except Janus starts talking, Janus just patiently waits until someone brings him into the conversation to start making jabs. (mainly because he knows that the others actually have stuff they need to talk through first, before he derails the conversation)

They all are able to get to a good conclusion about the situation, misunderstandings are talked through, and now all that’s left is dealing with Janus

And as soon as Patton starts talking to Janus, he gets excited because the show can finally begin

Roman: Now, I know not all of us really like him, but- Virgil: like him?! That’s funny, princey, because I really fucking hate him! Janus: Oh, come on, Virgil! Just lighten up a little. You’re seeming a little... dark. Virgil: Don’t. Patton, trying to prevent them from arguing: Hey, now, kiddos! Let’s take a moment and just step back to breathe, yeah? We don’t want this to- Janus: become a truth-telling session between us and Virgil? Patton: become an arguement.

The others try to help Patton defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work. If anything, it makes the situation worse because Janus uses them as fuel for some of his arguments.

Virgil: Yeah, keep talkin’ pal! I’m sure they really want to hear it from someone who makes it his job to harass everyone Janus: Well, sorry about that Sir Emo, but I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you leaving us. Oh, wait! Sorry, you don’t want to remember being a ‘dark side’, now, do you? My apologies! Roman, frantically glancing between the two: Wait, wha-? Virgil, standing up: Oh shut it, you treacherous snake! Like you ever even wanted me there. You’re probably glad I’m gone, huh? The cold from your room is starting to affect your heart! Not like you had one, though. Janus: Why, you-!

They start arguing and slowly they start getting louder and louder

Eventually, they’re yelling insults at each other, and everyone else is at a loss for what to do

Then, in what seems to be the ending of the argument, Virgil yells “I never wanted to be there with you in the first place, you bastard!”

Janus takes a moment to pause, and then he just says “Right, of course. My bad, Virgilius”

The living room is quiet as Janus sinks out, and Virgil just stands there shaking

He knew it was going to happen, and he knew it was just his name, but the acting and drama was becoming a little too much. It started to feel too real to him, and he knows that’s just his anxiety speaking, but he still feels the tears gathering in his eyes

Patton tries reaching out to him, but Virgil says “I’m going to my room” in a broken voice

The others watch helplessly as he leaves, and eventually they all break off to their own rooms to think about what just happened.

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings: Ch. 1

Notes: Oh boy, this was a pain to write. Mainly because I would get to a point when writing where I was like “Oh, I can post this! This ends perfectly!” and then a minute later realized “wait no... I still have to finish getting from point A to B and B to C”. 

EDIT: This was apparently sitting in my Tumblr drafts for over a month and I forgot to post it, sorry! I also have decided I’m going to make this a more long-term project. This is why I have the update schedule for every one or two months, but there may be a longer delay in between.

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Ao3: Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings

Tumblr: Prologue, [Chapter 2]

Trigger Warnings: Panic attacks, blood, gunshot wound, poor first aid, self-deprecating thoughts/self-blame, anxious/intrusive thoughts, past character death (mention), brief/minor flashback, questioning reality

Beginning chapter notes:

Where do you go When you dream of a future That only you know?

What do you do When you watched them all die And have a chance to start anew?

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Chapter 1: Haunted by Ghosts From the Future

Jay took a moment to catch his breath, still not fully processing where he was. Just a moment ago he was lying on the concrete floor, surrounded by his own blood, bleeding out. Alex had been saying something, right? 

Wait, no, the door was shut behind him… was he saying something through the door? And The Operator… yeah, he had seen him in the corner. The static had become unbearable, and he had been waiting for the darkness to take away the pain. And now he was… wait a minute, where was he?

Jay slowly sat up to observe his surroundings, body stiff and aching. After a moment, his eyes widened in disbelief. This was his old room, wasn’t it? But-but that’s impossible! His apartment burned down years ago, along with everything in it. Somehow, everything was here, but none of it should be. 

He noticed he was lying on his bed, his covers damp with sweat, with his phone charging on a stand nearby. Maybe it was some kind of dream? No, he remembered the feelings he had felt very clear, and all the pain he had gone through, there’s no way it could’ve been a dream.

Or was it some form of purgatory? Maybe he really did die and this was just another one of the monster’s games. Was everything else just a dream?

No, he remembered everything that he could fairly clearly. He would’ve woken up from the pain if it was a dream.

But does he actually remember? How many times has he thought he remembered something but he really didn’t?

He was fine . He was alive, apparently in his apartment that somehow was burnt to the ground, and he could figure out where to go from here. It would be fine.  

Was everything he thought that happened, every single death and burst of pain, every overwhelming feeling of anger or fear, was none of it real? Or was he going to be stuck here, in some form of hell that monster created? Did everyone he thought he knew actually exist, or were they something his mind made up?

He remembered what happened. He remembered them. Every death he watched helplessly, every moment Tim had to pull him away from his computer to try finding out what ToTheArk was saying. He knew what happened to himself, even if his memory was a little spotty. But he remembered! Or are all his memories fake? 

He remembered the moments with Tim, Alex, and Jessica. Sure, he lost large portions of time, and his memory did seem to be tampered with more times than he could count, but he was fine. He remembered the pain of getting shot, that had to count for something, right?

What if he was bleeding out right now, alone with no one to be there with him? What if Tim was caught by that thing and was dying too? The shout of his name rang in his ears, the echo of a gun rang out. Static was filling his vision. He couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe. He was back there with the cold concrete and burning blood. That thing was in the corner, the nightmare he had dealt with the last couple years. The static was ringing, it hurt, it hurt, it-

Jay was jerked back into the present by a shrill beeping noise. It took him another minute of blinking dumbly around him to realize the room he was in was not at the abandoned school, and the reason he had woken up was that his alarm was going off. He must have hit snooze when he first woke up without realizing it. 

Reaching over to shut it off, a sharp pain ripped through his side causing him to gasp. After struggling to turn his alarm off, he turned his head to look down while also trying not to aggravate whatever was causing him pain. You deserve the pain, you deserve it to make up for what you put everyone else through . Jay grit his teeth as he pushed the rest of his thoughts from his mind, he had no time to focus on the past, he needed to find out what was hurting him.

Luckily, he didn’t have to turn his head too much to see what the problem was. Now that he was processing his surroundings more, his bed felt unusually damp. Sure, it could’ve been from his sweat, but… it was also really warm… and really dark. Wait, no, oh god. His bed wasn’t damp from sweat, it was being soaked in his blood.

All his previous doubts about if he was really dreaming or not were tossed out of the window. Oh god. That was blood  oozing onto his bed that was coming from him . A stream of curses left his mouth as he started to panic. ‘Is the gunshot wound still there?! Shit, do something!’ his mind screamed at him as he scrambled out of bed and into his bathroom. 

He ripped open the bathroom cabinets and threw some of his toiletries and medicine to the side in a desperate attempt to reach the gauze wrap faster. Pulling out all the rolls he had, along with the disinfectant, he stumbled over and sat on the edge of his bathtub. He set down his supplies in front of him and turned his attention back to the literal hole in his chest .

Gripping the tub with one hand and his shirt in another, Jay pried off his shirt to see the bullet wound. It was not pretty, to say the least, and just the overwhelming smell of blood made him nauseous. It was overwhelming, he could practically taste the metallic tang in his mouth. 

He grabbed one of the rolls of gauze and brought it up so it sat next to him. ‘Wait… I probably should wash the blood off first’ he paused, ‘Jeez, couldn’t have thought of that sooner?’ Carefully standing up, Jay went back over to his cabinets to try finding a towel to use.

After successfully grabbing one where the staining from the blood wouldn't be too obvious, he sat back down on the tub and turned the water on. Setting it slightly warmer than it probably should be, he carefully put the cloth under the water and started to work on getting rid of the blood farthest from where he was shot. 

His hands were shaking, probably from the adrenaline, making everything a little more difficult. Some of it had dried and was flaking off, while other sections were still wet. He started up at his chest, hoping that the blood wasn’t going to run down and stain his pants. 

It took less than a minute for the blood above to be wiped off, so he slowly started to wipe closer around the edges where the blood was pooling out from.

While he was able to clean up the areas above and to the sides of the hole, the blood running down his body was too much to be able to be stopped. Pressing the blood soaked towel against his wound with one hand, he used the other to start unrolling the gauze. 

He took a couple minutes to successfully maneuver his body so he was holding one end of the gauze in his mouth, the towel was still pressed against the bullet hole, and he was able to use his other hand to start wrapping the area where his wound was. Starting a couple inches above the wound, he started to wrap around his torso and work his way down.

It took a minute, but the farther along he got, the slower it seemed the blood was flowing. When he finally reached where the towel was, the blood had almost slowed to a stop. Jay winced as he slowly peeled the towel away from where it was sticking to his skin. 

After taking a moment to attempt and wipe up some of the drying blood lower on his stomach, he tossed the towel into the tub and continued to wrap his chest. Now with both hands free, he was able to work quicker and was able to finish wrapping his chest (and half of his stomach) in only a couple more minutes.

Once he got finished, he took both ends of the gauze into his hands and tied them together into a knot. He tested it a few times by tugging at the knot, trying to make sure it wouldn’t unwind randomly while he was moving. After he deemed it good enough, he reached behind him, grabbed the blood-soaked towel, walked over to his sink, and attempted to wash the blood off of his hands and towel.

Sadly, while his hands were fairly easy to clean, the towel was severely stained and he ended up just leaving it to soak in some water in the sink. Taking a moment to breathe and recollect himself, while desperately attempting to ignore the fact that he just wrapped up a bullet hole wound, and turned to face the current mess that was the bathroom. 

It… wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but it was still a mess. Bloody hand-prints and drops of blood littered the area he had been through. Luckily for him, the only bloody hand-prints were on the counter, cabinet, the ground, and the bathtub. The drops of blood, on the other hand, trailed all the way from his bed to the sink and tub, some puddles had formed and were larger than others in the areas he spent longer in… basically, the area around his bathtub was smeared with a lot of blood.

Wait, now that he was thinking about it, why was there so much blood? Surely he would’ve passed out, or at least felt some affect, from having lost this much blood. ‘No, wait, that can be addressed later. I need to clean all this up, and now . I haven’t been able to see the date yet, so I have no idea if someone is planning to come over today or not. I guess I’ll just, I don’t know, be rolling with the idea I might be back in time before the whole deal with Alex and Tim.’ Jay reached toward another towel and started on cleaning the bathroom. 

‘I need to figure out where I am, when I am, and how the hell I got here. Considering I don’t think I saw a camera in my room, it must be some time before I got really invested in the Marble Hornets channel. I could always check Twitter, but that might not give me any answers if I don’t even have an account set up yet. My phone, it should have the date, right?’ Jay’s thoughts paused for a moment as he turned back around and rinsed off the blood from the towel. 

After getting as much as he could out, all while avoiding the towel still soaking, he let his mind wander as he crouched down to start attempting to mop up the blood, ‘I can probably use that after I turn it on, but I probably shouldn’t let anyone else know what’s going on.’

This last thought caused Jay to huff out a short laugh, ‘Yeah, no, they’d probably think I’m crazy or something. Well, I mean, the bullet hole might be good evidence, but there’s nothing to prove I wasn’t the one who shot myself. Then again, who’s also to say I’m not going crazy…’ Jay frowned, ‘I know I needed help back then, hell, I tried to call Tim! I agreed that whatever was happening was going to get worse if I didn’t get help, that much was obvious. God, thinking back I probably shouldn’t have assumed he was going to be in his masked state. The knife and zip ties were a bad idea, he definitely proved that to me. Maybe… god, this is going to be hard.’

 ‘I’ll need to try getting an appointment with Tim’s doctor, maybe someone closer if I can find them, and I’ll need to try getting on the same medication soon. But, what if it was all just-! No, no, we are not going there. We have the bullet hole to prove it, even if no one believes us. We probably shouldn’t let anyone know that we have it though. Sure, knowing how we got it is important, but the bleeding was slowing down. There’s been no negative side effects yet, so until then no one has to know.’

After rinsing the towel again and getting back onto the floor, Jay froze. ‘Wait, when did I start going into a mindset of ‘we’? That… probably isn’t a good sign. Yeah, no, after this I’m calling Tim’s doctor immediately. If I end up somehow getting a state similar to him, and possibly whoever the hooded man is, that’ll make all of this a lot harder.’ Jay shook his head and focused on cleaning the floor as best he could.

It took another hour to get the rest of the bathroom looking decent again, as long as you ignored the one or two bloody hand-prints smeared on the wall. His back, legs, and knees hurt from how long he was cleaning, so he decided he’d just try tossing off his current clothes and collapsing onto his bed. Well, he was going to, until he walked back into his room and remembered his bed was also covered in blood. 

He groaned as he grabbed the bloodied sheets and comforter, and tossed them into a pile on the floor. Reaching over to his night stand, Jay grabbed his phone and did a quick search to figure out how he should try getting the blood out of the different fabrics. He ignored any notifications he had gotten and was refusing to look at anything else besides google for the time being.

Sadly, Google did not give a good response. Turns out, the best way to make sure the blood came out was to wash it as soon as possible in warm water with stain remover. Of course, this was easier said than done considering most people don’t wake up to a bed covered in blood because of a bullet wound. ‘Let’s just get this over with,’ Jay mentally groaned as he tried his best to follow the instructions Google gave.

Once everything had been tossed in the washer, accompanied by an unhealthy amount of soap and stain remover, Jay trudged back to his room, changed out of his blood-soaked clothes, and flopped face-down onto his mattress. Somehow, and he thanked whatever creature or being brought him back, the blood that covered his sheets and comforter didn’t get onto his mattress. 

It didn’t make sense, and defied all laws of logic and reason, but it was the silver lining of his current situation. Shutting his eyes, Jay quickly fell back asleep, still hoping that what was currently happening was a genuine second chance and not a dream .

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For the second time that morning, Jay woke up in a panic. Not because he was bleeding out into his bed anymore, but because he could feel something touching his back and legs. As he jolted up in his bed, he felt whatever was on his back fling out and shift his weight, causing him to tumble into the ground. “Shit!” Jay yelped, the bandages around his torso pressing into his wound and causing a spike of pain to shoot through him. He grunted as he twisted his body around to try seeing whatever was messing with him, and scrambled up off his floor.

Still panicking, but starting to calm down once he realized no one else was there, Jay quickly made his way into his living room. He couldn’t feel anything brushing his back or legs anymore, so he decided to come back to whatever that was later. Now that he was more aware of his surroundings, it was really starting to set in that he had somehow gone back and was in his old apartment, which shouldn’t be possible because it burned down almost four years ago. 

“Okay. Okay, this is fine. Let’s just try finding something with the date on it. Panic later, figure out what the hell is going on first,” Jay muttered to himself. A quick scan of the living room and kitchen showed that the only helpful thing he could see was the time on his microwave. Heading back towards his room to grab his phone, he unplugged it, grabbed some paper and a pencil, and made his way to sit on his couch.

As Jay sat down he laid out everything he had grabbed onto his coffee table. His couch was facing the TV, the coffee table stationed in between the two. He internally debated on turning on the news, but decided that it would probably make him panic more than he already was. He leaned forward and rested his arms against his legs while holding his phone in a death grip with both hands. 

Taking a few deep breaths, Jay turned his phone on and waited for the date to finally show up. It took a couple minutes to fully turn on, but when it did, he almost dropped it because of what it said.

Jay was frozen, dread spreading through his body like a visceral poison. His phone showed the date being March 28, 2006. That… was a lot farther back than what he anticipated. He could already feel his heart rate picking back up, his hands now shaking even more than before. ‘Deep breaths, come on. It’ll be okay,’ He attempted to convince himself, ‘You dealt with some kind of demon fucking up your life for the past couple years and made it out relatively okay. You’ll be fine.’ Jay sighed, he hadn’t even been here for an hour and he almost had a panic attack twice. Putting his phone back on the table, he reached for the pencil and paper he had laid out.

Scribbling out a quick “What the Fuck is Going On” at the top of his page, he started writing down a few bullet points of what he knew. If he did encounter The Operator, he would probably start to struggle with his memory again. Last time, though, he didn’t realize he had lost his memory until seeing it either on the tapes, or seeing the date on something. He needed to make sure he didn’t forget what happened or what his goal was, otherwise he would fail and the others would suffer because of his mistakes. 

That means notes of what happened and possibly where to go from here. “Okay, think. First and foremost, find out when and where we are. Well, already got that done. What next? Uh, Let’s see...” Jay continued to quietly mutter to himself, trying to fill the silence of the apartment. In the end, his list was pretty bare of facts and was more speculation and planning.

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What the Fuck is Going On?

At my old apartment, somehow not burned down and everything seems fine

Today is March 28th, 2006

Marble Hornets has not had it’s auditions yet or started production

Note: Auditions are in a couple days!! Figure everything out before then!!

No reference tapes or videos, YouTube channel is not up and the people who were helping won’t have any idea what is happening

Alex hasn’t been exposed to The Operator (?)

No one probably remembers me, so the only people who have previous relations to me are Alex and Seth

Does anyone else remember? Am I the only one?

I was shot and died (?) in the future, woke up back in time

Different timelines? Or the same timeline but reversed? Are there multiple timelines??

I have the bullet hole to prove I was shot and went through everything from the future, most likely everything really happened

Bullet hole still is bleeding, still hurts, hard to breathe

Doesn’t seem to make me dizzy with blood loss? But doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. Result of time travel?

Maybe some kind of fucked up ‘reminder’ to not repeat what I did, reason it is still there is unknown.

Is my body still the same as when I left or was it reverted back to how I was before everything? The bullet hole makes me think it’s the same and I feel pretty tired, but I don’t feel sick or have any bruises/marks left from the last couple days.

Aware of future events (to an extent), maybe help prevent others deaths

When dying, asked for a chance to help my friends and something answered, assuming this is the ‘chance’ or whatever it is.

Does this mean there are actually other spirits? Does this make The Operator a demon?

Most likely not purgatory or hell, can’t rule this out until talking with Alex and the others (if they are here)

Assuming this is real and the same timeline, the hooded man and ToTheArk’s channel most likely isn’t active yet, only saw them after I got involved

Note: When did they get active? What caused them to get involved? Find out possible motives and IDs

Look for a possible hoodie that looks like the one hooded man wore. Tim wore his jacket, hooded man may wear the same hood sometime before he got involved

Maybe someone involved with the film?

Don’t know who ToTheArk is, have no reference for them, and as other people pointed out the videos had different styles. Maybe they could help if I find them?

Are they a group? Who would be involved, if so? How did they get involved with the channel to begin with? They had an idea of what was going on, maybe someone also working on the film? But then, who could be part of it?

The Operator is most likely still around Tim

Get Pills? May help with symptoms like he said

Asking out right may not be a good idea, maybe go back to the doctor’s office and ask for his doctor? Find cover story, describe similar symptoms to Tim, hopefully get the right pills

Make sure to note if they seem to start to disappear, could be warning signs about the others stealing them, maybe hide them in areas others wouldn’t look for emergencies

Be wary of:

Cold spots

Distorted vision

Distorted camera screen

Static (seeing, hearing, in head, etc.)

Cough

Strange behavior (Alex and Brian)

Violent outbursts

Avoidance, excuses, not showing up when needed, etc.

Blacking out

Forgotten memory

Hallucinations (?)

Stolen/missing pills

May be able to see The Operator still because I was involved previously, be careful of being alone with Tim or Alex

Seemed to hang out in/near Rosswood park and the abandoned hospital, maybe go alone first to see if anything happens

Run if you see him or experience any of the above symptoms

Don’t bring anyone else with you, don’t drag them into this mess if possible

Any acts I make will change the future, and will soon be unpredictable

This is assuming that there are certain events not set in stone/always going to happen

Relations with others/involvement with others

Avoid Jessica, get in contact with Amy to make sure she is safe

Have Amy call or text if any strange behavior starts up, but she may not know. If Alex starts acting strange have her hide and not tell him where she is. She looked to be okay in the tapes, but went missing after me and Alex started working together. May have been caught by The Operator and died similar to Seth

Tim is already involved, but may be getting better still. Try to watch him, going to be involved no matter what

Seth may be able to be saved, had no previous contact with Sarah so she may have been attacked too

Make sure to get them as far away from this situation as possible, prevent as many one-on-one interactions with Tim/Alex, and try to keep them safe

Prevent Seth and Sarah from being involved as much as possible

Keep in contact with Brian no matter what. If he tries to distance himself or drops contact, most likely was attacked.

Maybe try finding him, visiting his house, etc. Don’t let him be alone if this happens, last time he was attacked. (It looked like he might’ve been attacked by The Operator at the hospital, but his house was clearly lived in. There was a struggle, blood in the sink, Alex most likely attacked him. Most likely didn’t die from the first attack/attempt at the hospital

Watch for strange behavior. Alex mentioned in one tape that we were filming at Brian’s house while he wasn’t there, and that he made some poor excuse. Possible sign of something happening, but I can’t remember when that was shot. It could be before or after the first attack

Don’t get anyone else involved. Don’t let them know what’s going on. If they pressure, don’t give in. If they get involved, they have a higher chance of being attacked or killed. Them not knowing would be the safest option

Stay in contact with everyone, don’t let anyone be unresponsive for more than a week or two. Extremely bad sign, especially if Alex starts acting strange.

DON’T DIE

If I die will I be sent back in time again? What caused that in the first place, why me of all people? What’s going on?

I was shot last time, and still have the bullet hole. Do death causes or injuries carry over? ████████████████

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Jay looked over his list once he finished, and when he got to the bottom he froze. No. No, that shouldn’t be there. Strings of incoherent words were filling the last few lines of the page. Writing that he knew that no one should see. Short phrases, notes, and accusations, nonsense like the videos from ToTheArk. He didn’t remember writing that. 

His mind quickly started to spiral into panic, his only thoughts were screaming at him to get rid of what was written. His paranoia and anxiety spiked, his thoughts continuing to race faster and faster. He couldn't let anyone see this. He needed to hide what he wrote. But how? 

There was too much to erase and the marks could still possibly be read but he had to get rid of it, hide it, don’t let them see. Bad, very bad, if someone finds this he couldn’t play it off; no, this was bad. Get rid of it, remove, erase, redact-

That’s it! Redact, just like how there were pages redacted on Tim’s medical files. ‘Why are you thinking of that now? It’s not the time! Erase it, erase it, redact-’ Jay stood up and practically sprinted into his room. He grabbed the first black sharpie he could find and hurried back into his living room. Within seconds, lines of black covered up the bottom of the page. 

Once everything at the bottom was marked out, he sat down and let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, hoping to get his heart rate back down to a normal level. Sadly, his poor heart couldn't catch a break. His heart felt like it stopped when he felt something large and weighted being pressed into his back.

And he knew it wasn’t the couch.

Jay jumped up right as the thing against his back pushed against the back of the couch. He quickly turned around to try seeing what he had laid against, but to his confusion there was nothing there. For a moment he was worried he imagined it, until he felt something move. 

Freezing, Jay turned his head to the side to try getting a look at what was on his back. When he did, he couldn’t tell if he regretted it or not.

‘Are those- are those bird wings?!’

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Ending chapter notes: 

Going to try updating every month or two!

Ideas for future stories/au ideas/headcannons - @marble-hornets-fic-prompts Updates, answering questions, etc. - @foxfire-and-midnight-wings

Also, I'm looking for one or two more beta readers. If you're interested let me know!

Hope you enjoyed!

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[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Suspected Traitor Izuku Ideas

Note: Sorry this ended up being super long! I just really love the idea and wanted to put in some ideas of what I think could happen. It was all too long to fit into a couple asks, and I figured you would prefer a submission than 7+ asks in a row. These are also just some fun ideas I was thinking of for the au I thought you might enjoy lol

- - - -

Izuku gets interrogated and at first goes along with the questions. He doesn’t realize why he is there at first, until they ask more and more questions showing they suspect him for something. After the second or third question about his relation to the LOV he pieces it together. They think he’s a villain.

And instead of having a confused smile or nervous laugh, his eyes widen and he whispers “you think I’m the traitor.” It wasn’t hard for him to figure it out, after all he spent so much time analyzing and trying to deduct things quickly from situations where he barely was given any information, and they practically threw the answer in his face. He was probably one of the few students who was fully aware that there was a traitor from looking at the previous attacks.

He starts to shut down after realizing this, and when people start yelling or slamming things out of anger (because no one was actually going to get physical, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the room was off limits) he unconsciously reverts back to his old habits from when he was quirkless.

This can include, but is not limited to:

- A smaller frame to protect vitals and give less room to be hit

- A quite and passive voice to try appeasing their anger

- Distracting himself from the emotional pain by focusing on the physical stuff. Mentally keeping track over where everyone is, what they are doing, and how much of a threat they are to him

- Looking for any and all possible exits, even the ones that would result in him being hurt on his way out, just in case things get worse (and he fears that they may hurt him worse than before. In a world full of quirks, it’s easy for someone worked up to forget how easily they can kill someone, and Izuku probably has experienced more than once a situation that became life or death because a middle schooler was too worked up to process how much damage they were about to do)

- Eyes downcast due to fearing that eye contact would seem like he’s defying them or trying to irritate them in purpose (thanks Bakugou for that one)

- Holding back sudden movements or flinching, when going to the point of possibly hurting himself on purpose to prevent him from acting out.

- Holding his breath every time someone moves, but forcing his body to relax/tense up in case they attack him. When your body tenses up, it can absorb him impact, but can also cause other things like knives or needles to hurt more when they cut/go through the skin. So when there is someone who has a weapon visible (probably a means of intimidation) he quickly figures out which way will hurt less and forces himself to go through with that because of the constant thought of ‘just in case’

- Forcing himself not to cry or break down. That’s what some bullies want, but sometimes it also makes them even more upset. It gives them fuel, and always ends bad for the victim.

The teachers and others accusing him of being the traitor takes these signs as him lying or trying to hide the truth, those who don’t think it’s because he’s lying see the ‘experience with interrogations’ aka trauma reactions and think he was trained by the villains to act this way. No one thinks about the fact that some of the reactions are clearly not helpful with interrogations and that the villains would train him to do the opposite (ex: stay calm and keep eye contact. You don’t have anything to hide and looking away makes it seem like you do).

The only two people who know his past refuse to acknowledge or bring it up.

All might doesn’t because he can’t risk the consequences of OFA getting out, but also because he only has a vague idea because of when he was shoeless himself.

Bakugou refuses to acknowledge the signs and the relapsing to his habits from middle school.

No one else realizes the cause, and as a result they accidentally reopen the trauma that Izuku hadn’t healed from. No, he had taken it and stuffed it into a box to avoid acknowledging that he was hurt. So he never talked to anyone about it, and as a result it just festered in his mind. His intrusive thoughts from all the victim-blaming he went through never went away (because let’s be honest, gaslighting and victim-blaming are things he probably went through as a result of the bullying. He couldn’t help being quirkless, but the bullies will latch onto anything and everything they can. And because they wanted to prevent themselves from having anything marked, if they made him think it was his fault then they felt it lowered the chances of them being reported)

During the pause of interrogation when they are having Tsukachi enter and he’s about to come in, he almost send himself into a dissociative/depressive episode because of his thoughts. He forces it back when the doors click open, thinking 'no, it’s just like before. No matter how much it hurts, wait until you’re safe. You’re not safe here, they will use it against you, so you have to wait until you’re alone and safe to finally break down.’

As a result, none of the adults fully realize how broken he is after the trap/interrogation is over. But its only a glimpse that they see, and nothing more. Because Izuku’s learned that weakness = vulnerable = targeted and hurt.

And now that he knows almost all his friends- no, his classmates were involved he knows he can’t break down anywhere near them. He can’t go over and let them know how broken he is or he thinks they’ll turn against him even more.

Someone brings up the 'logical’ aespect of the interrogation and their suspicions before he leaves and Izuku’s thoughts use that and forces it against him. 'It was only logical. Everyone was convinced you were going to hurt them, that you were evil. Of course they had to do it.’ He repeats it like a mantra in his head. 'It’s only logical, they did what they had to, and it’s almost over. You’re almost done, it was just the logical thing to do.’

And why is it this that he repeats this, instead of being angry or upset?

The victim-blaming.

His own intrusive thoughts were fuelled by the victim-blaming, and because it was what hurt the most, it was also what he was most accustomed to.

But when he finally gets back to the dorms, to the 'safety’ of his room, he knows he can’t break down. Not yet. After all, if they went through all that trouble because they thought he was the traitor, who’s to say they didn’t do more? His resurfaced paranoia/anxiety from the trauma makes him search his room for hidden cameras and microphones, desperate for at least one safe-space.

He finds nothing, thank god, but then he keeps pushing back his breakdown in search of exits, ways to avoid the most dangerous people or most likely to turn on him, ways to get by unseen and to avoid any situations that would be like Middle school. He stays up making notes and maps of the school and how to best protect himself because 'You’re already used to this. Shouldn’t have expected anything different. Stupid, idiotic, Deku. You put off finding the saferoutes because you thought it would be better to try playing nice. Look where that got you, now you have to stay up and make up the months of ignoring the inevitable.’

He doesn’t sleep that night, and when it becomes time for class he still hadn’t given himself time to break down. So he returns, but doesn’t pretend to be friends with any of his classmates anymore. He uses the ways he maps, brings out old tactics, just with the hope of making it through the day without being hurt or breaking down.

Lunch comes, but he doesn’t eat. He goes to the roof, finds an elevated area with no cameras and where people are unlikely to see him and sits down. It takes a moment, just a mere second of sitting there alone before he breaks.

He cries and let’s his regret and anger wash over him. All the feelings he had been pushing back finally breaking free and coming loose. He doesn’t eat, he never got the time, and right as he is starting to realize how badly hurt he really is, the bell rings signalling he needed to get to class. So he forces himself up, pushed all his emotions away, and tries to clean himself up in the bathroom.

He ends up in a dissociative state the rest of the way back to class, and when the others ask why he’s acting different or 'weird’, he doesn’t respond. He barely registers anything the rest of the day and when teachers try calling on him, hoping for some kind of reaction, they get nothing. He doesn’t process that he’s being talked to and just sits there dissociating in a desperate attempt of forcing himself not to break down again.

When classes end, the others try talking to him but eventually give up. He slowly realizes after everyone left that he was alone and he picks up his stuff and walks to the dorms on autopilot. He gets to his room and shut the door, and finally let’s himself finish the breakdown from on the roof. This time, though, he finally lets himself cry over everything. The entire past of abuse and neglect from his peers and adult figures in his life (minus his mom), the suicide-baiting, the victim-blaming, the bullying, accusations and mistrust, all of it. And he finally fully, truly breaks.

- - - -

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Bouncing off the previous asks relating to Logan's eyes, I made this!

(I just love the whole idea of him having galaxy eyes and… Got a little carried away. Tried to have minimum hurt/angst and would’ve added more but I’m about to pass out so…) - - - -

Logan’s eyes (iris, scalera, pupil, all of it) are an ever changing galaxy. Like, literal galaxies. You can stare in his eyes and witness a supernova in real time, they literally reflect space.

But because of too many incidents when all the sides were first meeting, he changed to wearing full-eye contacts to hide his galaxies. Those who looked in his eyes got lost so, so quickly with a hard time coming back. Once, Patton looked at his eyes for a second and couldn’t look away for over 5 minutes. That’s when Logan realized that the looks and stares he got on occasion from the others were because of his eyes. So, to maximize “efficiency” he hid them so they wouldn’t get lost again.

But he secretly misses being able to have his real eyes shine through the room, the others fascinated by the swirling and shifting stars, planets, or rocks that were able to be seen.

No one remembers except Patton, but he thinks it was just something that went away or never even happened. He doesn’t think Logan would hide them, if they were real, so he never mentions it to the others… Until one day when they’re all trying to help Thomas with a problem.

Everyone is there, even Janus and Remus. And Remus is messing around when there is a mishap with what he had set up as a prank on Logan. There was a bucket that was holding a liquid, one he was supposed to change out for some plain old water, but he forgot. The bucket was supposed to spill the liquid all over him and get his clothes a little dirty, nothing more and nothing less. And then the liquid is dumped, Logan is startled/disgruntled, and everyone laughs. It worked like it was supposed to…right?

But then, he keeps holding his eyes and refuses to let go. The others get concerned, but he insists he’s fine because the last thing he wants to do is take out the contacts in front of everyone. But when he tries to open his eyes, because of his contacts and the liquid getting underneath them, he can’t see. And he can’t just tell them he was wearing contacts, he already wore glasses!

The others are getting more and more concerned at this point, even Remus asks if he’s okay. After all, he didn’t want Logan hurt! Logan continues to brush off their concerns, and Patton tries to think back to why his eyes might be in so much pain. Allergies? No, they shared the same allergies Thomas did, and Remus wouldn’t go and set him up to have a reaction on purpose. Sensitivity? No, that didn’t seem right. But then what…?

Then it clicks.

A small memory of the past, one so old and forgotten he barely even remembered himself, and it’s of Logan with his galaxies. He remembers the times he would get lost in the beauty of space just through Logan’s eyes, and how he was heartbroken when they ‘disappeared’. Unless they never really did.

Patton starts freaking out because he knows this has something to do with the situation, obviously it does, but what?? And it hits him. The sudden change in eyes, even though Logan had been so proud of them, and how he was holding his hands over his eyes. Personally, Patton felt like it was a long stretch, but he stood tall and looked around for a moment. He knew he had to try to help somehow, but he was scared that the jump of logic might’ve been too far. Still, he changed his demeanor to something more serious and takes a breath before he speaks

“'You hold the world in your eyes, Logan.’ Isn’t that right?”

Everyone froze when Patton spoke. Logan had actually flinched, clearly not expecting the quote from their childhood to come up again.

Patton continued on, “Logan, I remember what your eyes looked like. We both know they couldn’t have changed so suddenly and permanently unless something happened. So, what is it?” There is a brief pause before he whispers, seemingly to himself, “Please tell me it’s just contacts and nothing serious”.

Luckily for Patton, it wasn’t anything serious. The others were still confused, especially the Creative Twins, but Logan and Patton were speaking in vague terms to purposefully keep it between the two of them. Logan, for he still didnt want to reveal his eyes again. Patton, because he knew that this was how Logan was feeling.

And so they both go together to help take care of Logan’s contacts, without telling the others that he has contacts, and they help clean out the liquid that had managed to get in between the contacts and his eye. They don’t speak much, but get the clean up done fast.

Logan refuses to meet Patton’s eyes, especially because he had to take the contacts out to clean them. But Patton convinces him to look up and- oh.

So that’s why they always got lost in there…

…

When Logan looked away again, Paatton stood frozen. He had to take a minute to process the uncontainable beauty of space that he just saw in Logan’s eyes. And Logan gets worried about how Patton isn’t saying anything yet, and he looks farther away from him than before.

And then there’s the sniffle.

It’s small, barely any noise is made, but it’s heard nonetheless. And when Logan looks back he sees Patton crying uncontrollably. The only things he can get out are “I forgot, I can’t believe I forgot” and “they’re so beautiful, god Logan, they’re so pretty”.

Logan is touched but also really freaked out by what’s happening. And when Patton finally calms down, he explains why he cried.

“Youre eyes are literal galaxies, and it was so beautiful. There were hundreds of stars and constellations, there were even what appeared to be planets or other groups like the milky way. And I forgot just how pretty it could be, and I never saw you hiding this part of you. And for that, I’m sorry. But please, tell the others about this too. They’ll love it, and we can help you with whatever reason caused you to hide them in the first place.” There’s a pause. “I hope you know that’s you’re part of our family, Logan, so you know they’ll not think any different of you. But please, they’re so beautiful. I love them, and I remember you did too. Don’t hide part of who you are, especially something you clearly love too. I remember the times we all sat down and learned astrology facts because we were inspired by your eyes, and while the others may not remember, I know we all loved them. That’s why we started, after all, it was hard to wrap your head around such beauty being right there in front of you that you just looked and didn’t look away.”

Logan agrees to show the others, who will all have mixed reactions ranging from “… So cool…” To being tackle hugged and showed in praise. They loved him and wouldn’t trade him for the world, and they especially loved his eyes. It was like how Roman would go on to describe it, ‘it’s like stargazing up close, but so much more pretty and so much more convenient’.

He realizes, as Patton is talking, that hrs right. They would still love him and, if he asked them to not stare and get lost in his eyes full of stars, then they would listen and help him deal with the captivating eyes he had.

Logan may have shed a few tears in response, but no one else was there to know. - - - - (And then they all geek out over his eyes, and it’s a bunch of family shenanigans that start up. Including people purposefully getting lost in his eyes to avoid doing work, which he becomes more skilled at noticing. And there’s just. So much fluff.)

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Cigarette Smoke and- Oh Shit I Can’t Breathe

Notes: I’ve had this idea for a while now and no one really seemed to talk about it, so I’ve been trying to make more of my own content for it! (It being asthmatic Jay)

- - - 

Relationships: Jay Merrick & Timothy “Tim” Wright, Jay Merrick/Timothy “Tim” Wright

Characters: Jay Merrick, Timothy “Tim” Wright

Trigger Warnings: Smoking, untreated illness, asthma/wheezing, passing out/fainting, lack of oxygen/asphyxiation, brief mention of an ER/Hospital visit

Summary: On the way to their next hotel, Jay pulls their car to the side of the road for a break. When Tim pulls out a cigarette and starts to smoke, though, things go downhill fast.

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, some hints of Jam but not much

Word count: 2014

- - -

"This is nice... like, really nice"

Jay hummed an agreement as he looked over to Tim, who was leaning against the back of his car. "Yeah, it's peaceful. It's a nice change of pace," he sighed. They had been in the middle of moving to their next hotel and had decided to pull off to the side of the road for a break. Jay was sitting in an empty space he made in his trunk, which had taken a couple minutes of playing Tetris with both their bags and other miscellaneous items that had been thrown back there. When there was enough room, he sat in the trunk with his legs dangling over the edge. Tim had originally been sitting in the passenger's seat with the door propped open, but had moved to where he was now.

The click of a lighter caught Jay's attention. Realizing he had been staring, he looked away. He had a pretty good idea of why the lighter was out, anyways. Tim didn't seem to notice that he had been staring, but his face flushed regardless. Jay pulled a face at the smell of the smoke that blew towards him, but attempted to focus on something else so he didn't seem rude. It wasn't that he minded Tim smoking, he just couldn't handle the smell. Well, okay, that wasn't the full truth. The smoke messed with his lungs and made it hard to breathe.

He didn't think much of it, considering it went away after a couple hours of being away from the source, but that didn't mean he liked it. It was something he had grown up with, so really he should've been used to this. But every time his lungs closed up and his breath started to whistle as it came out, he just couldn't fight off the small part of himself that insisted that this wasn't normal. Another part of him argued that if something was wrong, surely his parents would've taken him to the doctor or someone else to get it checked out. It was a constant back and forth in his mind, but in the end he never did anything.

A sudden gust of wind pushed a cloud of smoke toward him. His eyes watered as he started roughly coughing. His lungs burned as he coughed, the little air he got being pushed right back out. He couldn't get any air in his lungs, and for a brief moment he worried he was going to pass out. Eventually the coughing fit passed, as did the cloud of smoke. Tim was looking at him with thinly veiled concern. It was then that he noticed that Tim had moved so his body and cigarette were blocked by the side of the car. A couple more coughs escaped from Jay, his chest slowly but surely gaining the pressure that accompanied the wheezing. Could it be called wheezing? He didn't really know if that's what it was, but he was never bothered enough to check and see.

"Jay? Are you okay?" Tim asked. Jay nodded as a reply, not trusting his voice for the moment. Another gust of wind blew past, this time faintly rocking the car. Luckily, this time no smoke was blown his way. Tim leaned over the edge of the car, raising an accusatory eyebrow his way.

"What?" Jay choked out.

"Oh, nothing, just the fact that you had an extreme coughing fit and sound like you're dying," Tim replied, shrugging his shoulders to add to the 'nonchalant' statement.

"I'm fine." Jay looked away from him, silently hoping that Tim didn't notice the tears that were in his eyes or how rough his breathing was coming out. Judging from the staring he was getting, Tim probably noticed. "Seriously," he sighed, "this isn't the first time it's happened. Plus, it was kinda your fault."

Tim rolled his eyes, "Okay, well, never mind then. Sorry I can't be concerned about my friends."

Jay paused, "Wait, we're friends?"

Tim laughed, before letting out a few coughs. Jay just stared at him, completely and utterly confused. After a pause, Tim turned towards him. "Wait a minute. Did you- did you actually think we weren't friends? Like, at all?" Jay shrugged helplessly, his previous flush returning full force. “Jay, look at me. Did you actually think we weren’t friends?”

"I mean, no? Not really? You did punch me in the face-"

"-Which you kinda deserved."

"Yeah, Which I kinda deserved, but I was going to tell you that night! Well, anyways, you punched me in a parking lot and then I did drag you back into this whole mess. I thought you were, I don't know, just coming along because you had to." Jay hung his head and tugged down his hat, attempting to hide his growing blush.

"Okay, well," Tim put his hand underneath the brim of Jay's hat and tugged it back up, "Yeah, we're friends. And that means you're stuck with me." Jay grinned as they looked at each other. The way they were positioned looked like it would’ve come out of some cheesy romance movie, but he didn’t care. Someone was finally on his side. “Also, Jay-”

Jay cut him off by accidentally choking on the cigarette smoke that was starting to surround them. Tim let out a curse and quickly stomped out his cigarette. Tears started to flood Jay’s eyes again as the burning increased throughout both his lungs and his throat. His breaths were coming in short and fast, the high pitched wheezing tearing through any other noise. Jay’s head began to feel fuzzy as his vision darkened around the edges. Everything was becoming muted, Tim’s desperate calls to him being drowned out by the ringing in his ears.

A small spike of fear peaked through the spreading numbness. ‘This definitely isn't normal’ was his last thought as the darkness and ringing overtook him.

- - -

The first thing Jay noticed was how hot his body was. It felt as if someone had poured hot water over him and left him to bear the heat alone. Next, he noticed the dull ringing in his ears slowly fading. His head felt unbearably heavy, and he could feel the tell-tale signs of a headache coming on. He groaned, lifting his hand to clutch his head.

“Jay? Jay, are you awake?” Tim called. Jay noted how his voice sounded far away, but also like it was right next to him. Instead of responding, Jay opened his eyes to glance around. Turns out he was laying across the back seat while Tim was driving.

“What happened?” Jay groaned again, opting to keep his eyes shut to help the pounding in his head.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack, that’s what.” Tim snapped. Humming in response, Jay dropped his arm back to his side. Tim continued on, “Don’t try just brushing this off, Merrick. You seriously scared me.”

“Sorry”

“Don’t-, ugh. You know what? Never mind. We’re almost there anyways.” That got Jay’s attention. Was Tim taking them back to their previous hotel? Did he continue on to try getting them to their next hotel? Where was ‘there’? Just as he was about to voice his questions the car lurched to the side as Tim spit out a curse at another driver. After a couple more quick turns and maneuvering the car around, Jay could tell they had finally parked in where Tim had wanted to take them.

Jay slowly pushed himself up and, while practically leaning all his weight on Tim, was able to slide out of the backseat and into a somewhat-standing position. Raising his head, Jay finally got a good look at where they were.

“The ER? Really?” he huffed, testing the weight on each of his legs. Tim opened his mouth to respond before shaking his head. This earned another irritated huff Jay before he was practically dragged into the building.

“Hello, how may I help you?” The receptionist smiled up at the two of them. Distantly, Jay wondered about how much of a trainwreck they both looked. He probably looked worse, considering he was the one who passed out, but he thought Tim also looked pretty frazzled.

Tim quickly explained their situation, leaving out the part where they were on the run from an eldritch abomination, and the nurses soon took Jay back into the emergency rooms. As he was leaving, he heard Tim let out a curse as a stack of paperwork was laid before him.

- - -

Jay walked back into the waiting room with the nurse who had led him back to the rooms. As they were walking, the nurse continued to explain what he needed to do. “... The inhaler that we gave you is a sample, so it only will last you about a month if you use it three times daily. Remember, try to only use it as needed.” Jay nodded his head. He wasn’t really sure how to respond to being led back into a room, having to do a bunch of breathing tests, inhale a drug he never heard of before, doing more tests, and finding out he had asthma.

He didn’t blame his parents for not realizing it sooner, but now that he was actually able to breathe properly for the first time in years it was extremely clear how much he was being affected by it. ‘Maybe that’s why I always get outran by Tim’s masked state, even though they both surely feel the effects of his smoking,’ he thought. It made sense.

He was never really able to go and get into shape because he never was able to properly breathe, but he always thought he just got winded easily. All the times he had suddenly started wheezing and being unable to breathe finally made sense, even if it was startling and intimidating news. After all, the most he knew about asthma before this was that the diagnosis was given to the stereotypical ‘nerdy’ or ‘sick’ kid in TV shows. Never before had he thought that it would be used to describe his situation.

Eventually, the nurse stopped talking and reminding him of the important notes for his new inhaler, along with them demanding that he get a prescription inhaler eventually. Jay nodded and said his thanks before heading over to where Tim sat. Jay nudged him and motioned for them to go outside. Once they were outside and back at the car, Tim turned to him expectantly. “So? How’d it go? You’re not about to pass out again anytime soon, right?”

“No,” Jay sighed, “I just found out that I apparently have asthma, though. Parents never realized, I never realized, and so I thought that the shortness of breath and the wheezing was normal.” He paused for a moment before shaking his head, “Well, okay, I just thought that I got winded easier when doing exercise. I never really had an excuse for the times I would randomly be unable to breathe.” Tim was staring at him with wide eyes, his jaw hanging open. A moment of silence passed before, “Uh, Tim?”

“You have asthma?!” Tim yelled. Jay quickly shushed him and got in the car. “Jay fucking Merrick, you better tell me what the hell you mean when you say you have asthma because if I find out that you were running around in the woods chasing masked men while not being able to breathe …” Tim trailed off with a sigh.

At this point both of them had gotten into the car but neither of them moved. Jay opted to say nothing, knowing if he tried to defend himself it would probably get Tim even more worked up and worried. Tim started the car as Jay used this time to buckle up while attempting to avoid looking over at him. The trip back to their hotel was filled with silence.

- - -

Once they got back to their hotel room, Tim finally spoke up. “Hey, Jay? Should we tell the people following us on Twitter or YouTube about this? So they… y’know, don’t worry?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings: Prologue

Notes: This is the prologue for Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings. The Relationships/characters won’t be shown on the rest of the posts, so keep in mind that it’s covering the entire story. 

Most of the next parts will be having shorter introductions/notes, so don’t worry about dealing with this every time.

Below the cut/read more is the actual prologue, so go ahead down there if you’d like to read it!

-  -  -  -

Protect Them with Your Bloodied Wings (5829 words) by Foxfire_and_Midnight_Wings

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Marble Hornets Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships (shortened): Jay & Timothy "Tim" W., Brian & Timothy "Tim" W., Jay Merrick & Everyone, Jay Merrick & Brian Thomas, Alex Kralie & Brian Thomas, Alex Kralie & Jay Merrick, Alex Kralie & Jay Merrick & Brian Thomas & Timothy "Tim" Wright, Hoody & Masky & Skully (Marble Hornets) Characters: Jay Merrick, Timothy "Tim" Wright | Masky, Alex Kralie, Brian Thomas, Hoody (Marble Hornets), Skully (Marble Hornets), Seth Wilson, Sarah Reid, Jessica Locke Additional Tags (shortened): Time Travel Fix-It, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Rebirth, winged jay merrick, bird jay merrick, animalistic features, Gunshot Wounds, Blood and Gore, Poor First Aid, jay is bad at keeping secrets, Blood and Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone Has Issues, jay merrick needs a hug, depressed jay merrick, anxious jay merrick, Mythology References, Original Mythology,  Other Additional Tags to Be Added Series: Part 1 of You Only Live Once (Right?)

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Trigger Warnings: Major character death, blood-loss/bleeding out, gunshot wound, guns, reference to mythology/supernatural/religious themes

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Distantly, Jay could hear the echoing noise of the gunshot, even though he knew it was long gone. He watched as his camera screen shook and was facing just barely high enough so where you couldn't see where he was shot. He coughed, the metallic tang of blood starting to fill his throat.

There was blood. Oh God, there was too much blood! It was soaking his hand and was starting to cover everywhere he looked. Static started to slowly filter through his head, and he distantly realized he should probably be more worried about that than he actually was. But now wasn't the time, he was lying on the floor bleeding out, and there was no way he could try and stop it. 'God, I regret doing this. I regret doing this so, so much. God, I dragged them all back into this, and if any more of them die, it'll be my fault... No, please! If anyone is listening, save the others. Let them be able to live their lives without worrying about this anymore... Tim, Jessica if she's still alive, and anyone else I may have accidentally gotten involved. Please, help them... and let Tim know I'm sorry...' Jay's thoughts slowed, the static becoming unbearable.

The looming form of The Operator came into view, standing in the corner. In the distance, he thought he could hear sounds of a fight. Maybe that was yelling, but it was too distorted to know. His vision started to black out, the image of The Operator practically burned into his mind. His head fell limp to the floor, eyes slipping closed and breath starting to shallow. He couldn't move anymore, all he could do was feel the cold concrete ground and his heartbeat start to slow as his body started shutting down. His limbs slowly started to feel less like his own as a strange buzzing rang throughout his body. 'Tim... Jessica... Seth... Everyone else who died... God, I'm so sorry, everyone'.

-   -   -   -

The darkness consumed him and the buzzing stopped.

-   -   -   -

Luckily, there was someone who was listening to his prayer. Well, to say it more accurately, there were multiple people listening. They were silently watching as he bled out and prayed to any being who heard him to save his friends. Some stared in horror at what they were seeing, others were too shocked to do anything else besides sand there. No, this wasn't right, this wasn't supposed to happen. One of their own, shot down by a mortal who had been destroyed from the inside out by a demon, was lying there dying alone. He wasn't supposed to die yet, this they knew. After all, he was technically one of their own.

His mother, who was away with the other leaders, was one of the most powerful Seraphim. His father, a mere mortal. But they loved each other greatly and their son had been blessed with a bright soul and a passion to support others. Yet here he was dying, after trying to help a childhood friend who had been possessed and tormented, the light within him desperately fighting to stay alive. No, this wasn't supposed to be happening.

"We must do something, we can't let him die like this!" One of the lower Angels spoke up. This caused more of the crowded creatures to start moving, desperately trying to find a way to help him.

"Well, what are we supposed to do? We can't manifest in the mortal realm, and we can't help him now. Look! He's too far gone, that beast of a demon is going to try taking him out. What can we do?" A nearby Sphinx spoke up, tail swishing side-to-side anxiously. A couple others around them nodded, feathers ruffling and ears twitching as they shifted around uncomfortably. All of them knew they needed to try to help, if nothing else, just to make his mother feel better. But, as the Sphinx pointed out, what could they do?

Suddenly, a Phoenix flew up and trilled, "I know! I know! I know how we can still help." They flew down past the others, and rushed over to Jay's body. "His soul! That's it, his soul! His mother is a Seraph, another being with wings like my own. If I give him a blessing with my soul, he can be reborn. I can help him live again and help the ones he loved!" Others started to jump down quickly after the bird, cries of joy ringing through the air.

"Brilliant!" They cried, "Save him, save his soul!"

All different types of creatures were jumping down now, excitement rippling through the crowd. "He's one of the only people we have down there who can help the humans and other creatures down there! He must live, so he can help save others who need him," A Pegasus called out, wings flapping madly. The Phoenix landed by Jay's body, wings flaring up defensively as they faced the demon in the corner. The demon looked on, as more and more creatures gathered around Jay's body, and eventually knew he was outmatched. Darkness consumed him as he left the room, and the Phoenix turned back towards Jay. His body was shut down, but his soul was still weakly burning. The last few embers of his soul were attempting still to survive.

The other creatures started to quite down, anticipation filling the room with tension. The Phoenix leaned down and covered his body with his wings. A glow surrounded them both as the Phoenix gave him their gift. The Phoenix's blessing: the gift of rebirth and life. The crowed watched as Jay's soul shifted and changed, the blessing affecting him differently than if would a normal human. "Wait... he is not fully human. How do we know what the exact outcome will be?" The Sphinx spoke up again, eyes widening as they glanced around. This caused all of the creatures present to freeze, realization dawning upon them.

"Something is going to change... and we won't be able to decide how it changes," The Phoenix spoke up, using their wings to cradle Jay's soul.

"Surely you must have thought of this? What do you think will happen?" Someone called out from the crowd. The Phoenix nodded again, and looked up towards the Sphinx.

"I believe, because his mother is a Seraph and I am a Phoenix, it may result in gaining some form of wings. I do not know if this will truly happen, and if it does I have no way of predicting how many or what kind." They paused, looking back down towards Jay's soul. "I do not worry, though, about the result. His soul may be changed from my blessing, but he will adapt to it well. I have faith he will use the changes for good." This seemed enough to satisfy the Sphinx, and the crowd of creatures watched as the world around them started to shift and change.

-   -   -   -

...

...

Jay opened his eyes and gasped for breath.

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Everyday I Fall More in Love with You

Notes: A short request I did for Alex’s birthday a couple months ago, requested by anon. Hope you enjoy!

- - -

Relationships: Alex Kralie/Jay Merrick, Alex Kralie & Jay Merrick

Characters: Alex Kralie, Jay Merrick

Trigger Warnings: None

Word count: 815

- - -

Alex stood outside on his back porch writing down details for the upcoming Marble Hornets auditions. He had been sitting out there for the past couple hours while Jay had attempted to try cooking them dinner. This, of course, was what had caused Alex to sit outside in his backyard. His excuse was that he needed to focus, but he also didn’t want to smell the smoke from whatever Jay tried cooking. After all, when your boyfriend becomes known for burning almost everything he tries to cook, there’s a certain point where you finally get used to it and just go somewhere else so you don’t have to suffer from the smoke inside.

There was a slightly warm breeze that occasionally made its way through the yard, bringing along with it the smell of trees and rain. So caught up in his work, Alex failed to notice when Jay called him for dinner. After a couple more minutes, Jay walked outside and playfully shoved his shoulder, “Alex, dude, you’ve been at that for hours. Come on, let's eat. I made some shrimp lo mein, and for dessert we can have some of the ice cream we bought yesterday.” Alex looked up and blinked for a moment.

“Oh… oh wow, it’s gotten really late. You didn’t wait for me too long, right?” he asked, bracing himself on his knees to stand up and stretch.

Jay laughed, “No, I just finished cooking.”

“Oh, thank god. You know I don’t like making you guys wait.”

“Yeah, I know. It ‘makes you feel bad’ even though it shouldn’t. C’mon, let’s go in.”

Both of them walked back inside Alex’s house together, banter slowly starting to fill the house. The rich smell of Jay’s cooking slowly drifted through the house as Alex got his food and sat down. Taking a bite, it felt like Alex’s heaven had come down to earth in the form of food. “God, Jay,” he moaned, “Why is your cooking so good? How did you get from burning ramen noodles to creating this masterpiece?”

This caused Jay to sputter, a bright blush flooding his face. Alex started laughing at his reaction, which caused Jay to blush even more. “Hey! I thought we agreed not to talk about that!” Jay whined, “It was only one time!”

“Pfft, yeah, and you blew up the microwave!”

“I know! But it was an accident!”

Jay hunched over in his chair attempting to hide his face with his hat. Alex paused to take a breath, laughter slowing down. “Seriously, though, you normally can’t cook to save your life. How did you get this to be so good?” Alex asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“I-... uh, well… I’m kinda, y’know, still not that good.”

“Bullshit, this is the best food I’ve had in a long time. Now spill.”

“Um, I maybe, possibly…  learned how to cook this for you because I know it’s your favorite and-” Jay cut himself off, sinking down into his chair. “I wanted to surprise you, because I know it’s one of your favorite foods,” he mumbled. Alex froze, trying to process what he just heard. Jay Merrick, his friend known for not being able to cook anything, who had burned almost everything he tried to make, learned how to cook Alex’s favorite food because of him .

A goofy smile made its way onto Alex’s face. Just when he thought he couldn’t fall any more for the absolute dork that is Jay Merrick, here he comes surprising Alex once again. Jay slumped farther down into his chair, his body halfway off his seat by now. “You’re adorable, you dork,” Alex finally spoke up. This only caused Jay to let out a high pitched noise and attempt to sink further down. Key word: attempt. Because his body was already so far off his seat, he ended up slipping and falling off his chair.

Alex bursted out laughing and after a moment Jay joined in. After recovering, sitting back at their table, and actually finishing their food Jay turned nudged Alex towards his living room. “Hey, if you go turn on the TV I’ll let you pick out a movie and we can watch it before we go to bed,” Jay said.

Alex grinned in response, “You’re going to regret that later.”

“No, because I’ll get to cuddle with you.” Alex smiled even wider, a fluttery feeling blooming in his chest. Turning around, he headed over to their TV and started to set it up. He pulled out the movie, inserted it into the TV, and flopped down onto the couch. Jay quickly joined him after turning all the lights off and grabbing a couple nearby blankets to wrap both of them up in. The movie started, and Alex felt himself relax against Jay.

‘God,’ Alex smiled to himself in the dark, ‘I wouldn’t trade this for the world.’

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Fanfic/Story Masterlist

This is a list of all completed and ongoing fanfictions or stories from me. This post was made to (hopefully) be mobile-friendly for those who can’t access the actual page. 

Some have not been published and are still being outlined. Works with an * next to them are my current priority.

If you’d prefer to only see the links of what has already been uploaded, please go to my Fanfic/Story Masterlist Page (desktop/browser).

Ongoing series:

(Warnings are on each post, please make sure to read them!)

1. Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings (Marble Hornets)

Prologue, Chapter 1

Summary: There was blood... Oh, God, there was too much blood! It slowly covered his hands and everywhere he looked. Static was starting to slowly filter through his head, and he distantly realized he should probably be more worried about that than he actually was. 'I regret doing this, so, so much. God, I dragged them all back into this. If any more of them die, it'll be my fault... No, please! If anyone is listening, save the others. Tim, Jessica if she's still alive, anyone else I may have accidentally involved... please... help them...' Jay's thoughts slowed to a stop, the static becoming unbearable. All he could do was feel as his body started shutting down. His limbs slowly started to feel less like his own as a strange buzzing rang throughout his body. ... Luckily, there was someone listening to his prayer. Well, it was more like a group of people that heard him, and they decided to help. ... Jay opened his eyes and gasped for breath.

Overall/generally consistent warnings: blood and gore, gunshot wounds, flashbacks to graphic scenes, paranoia, anxious and depressive thoughts, poor/untrained first-aid (mainly by Jay)

Drowning in Silence (one-shot, pre-fanfic)

Summary: Alex knew that Jay had been struggling with his mental health for a while. Almost the entire school knew about how shitty his parents were, and no one wanted to try and talk to him about it. Alex had made it his goal to be there for Jay when he needed him, but Jay refused to talk to him about it. That is until Alex walks into the school bathroom to find his friend’s arms covered in blood. 

Warnings: Untreated mental illness, parents refusing to get Jay help (mentioned), controlling parents (mentioned), gossip and bullying (mentioned), self-harm/cutting, a fair amount of blood, and poorly done first-aid

2. Animal Traits Series (Sanders Sides)

- A fun little series where all the Sanders Sides have animal traits! The majority of this will be bullet fics, but there will also be times where I may answer some asks that give more details on the story. This series is going to be more relaxed in style, so don’t expect fully written out and “professional” chapters like my other stories.

Spider Virgil

Introduction

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Completed Stories:

Everyday I Fall More in Love with You (Marble Hornets, one-shot, Jaylex)

- Summary: A short, fluffy one-shot that was requested for Alex’s birthday. Pre-Operator, the story follows the night of Jay and Alex on a dinner date (but at their house).

- Warnings: None

Cigarette Smoke and- Oh Shit I Can’t Breathe (Marble Hornets, one-shot, hinted Jam)

- Summary: On the way to their next hotel, Jay pulls their car to the side of the road for a break. When Tim pulls out a cigarette and starts to smoke, though, things go downhill fast.

- Warnings: Smoking, untreated illness, asthma/wheezing, passing out/fainting, lack of oxygen/asphyxiation, brief mention of an ER/Hospital visit

—          —          —         —          —          —          —          —          —

Story Submissions:

(Small stories or one-shots that I wrote and submitted to other blogs)

Logan with Galaxy Eyes (Sanders Sides)

- An expansion on some previous discussion about Logan having his eyes actually be galaxies. His eyes (iris, pupil, and sclera) mimic the view of a galaxy and are ever-changing, but he hides them with contacts and fake glasses. It goes into a possible story about how Logan’s eyes may be revealed, a happy ending with very minor hurt/comfort.

- Warnings: None

Suspected Traitor Izuku (My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia)

- An expansion on some previous asks and discussion on Gentrychild’s blog about their Suspected Traitor Izuku au. A walkthrough/talk about what could happen throughout the general plot of the au, and the aftermath of the main events that occur. It’s basically a lot of hurt/no comfort, but it also goes into more of an analytical view (in my opinion) of what would happen.

- Warnings: Interrogations, dissociation, mention of previous bullying/abuse, relapsing behavior, untreated PTSD/trauma, internalized victim-blaming, repression, mental breakdowns

—          —          —         —          —          —          —          —          —

Story drafts:

Unnamed MerMay Fic (Marble Hornets, short story)

All the Stars in the Sky (Marble Hornets)

Can You See Me? (Marble Hornets)

Getting Used to the Old You (Marble Hornets)

Heat Haze Daze (Marble Hornets, lyric one-shot)

I’ve Been Ghosting, I’ve Been Ghosting Along (Marble Hornets)

Mysterious Parts (Marble Hornets, one-shot)

Will-O-Wisps and Shadow Monsters (Marble Hornets)

Waterbound (Moominvalley)

Growls of Thunder (My Hero Academia/Boku No Hero Academia)

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Trigger Warning List

These are all the triggers currently being tagged. If there is something you would like to request be added, even if it hasn’t been posted yet, please feel free to DM me or send in an ask. Stay safe, everyone!

Note: Because Tumblr limits how many tags can be on a post, and how many of those actually work, I will be saying the triggers above a “read more” break on my posts.

#tw abuse/manipulation 

#tw animal abuse/death

#tw anxious/intrusive thoughts

#tw attempted drowning

#tw bleeding out

#tw blood/gore

#tw body horror

#tw character death

#tw cliffs/heights

#tw controlling parents

#tw crowds

#tw death

#tw death idolization

#tw depressive thoughts

#tw discrimination

#tw drowning

#tw drugs

#tw fighting

#tw fire

#tw flashbacks

#tw gaslighting

#tw gossip/bullying

#tw guns

#tw gunshot wound 

#tw homicide

#tw homophobia/sexuality

#tw hospitals

#tw hyperthermia

#tw hypothermia

#tw knives

#tw mind control

#tw murder

#tw murder-suicide

#tw mythology/supernatural

#tw needles

#tw panic attacks

#tw passing out

#tw past character death

#tw poor first-aid

#tw questioning reality

#tw racism

#tw refusal of help

#tw religion

#tw restrainment

#tw self-depricating thoughts/self-blame

#tw self-harm

#tw smoking

#tw suicidal thoughts

#tw suicide

#tw suicide attempt

#tw torture

#tw transphobia

#tw untreated mental illness

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Drowning in Silence

This takes place before Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings, and is the reason Alex carries gauze/bandage wrap on him at all times.

Trigger Warnings: Untreated mental illness, parents refusing to get Jay help (mentioned), controlling parents (mentioned), gossip and bullying (mentioned), self-harm/cutting, a fair amount of blood, and poorly done first-aid

If you feel this will be triggering to you, but would still like to know what happened, skip to the end (titled Censored/Shortened Story) for a short description

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