freedom-of-writing

[freedom-of-writing]

Black Widow: Post credit scene

Just a little AU with Nat and Tony being best buds.

I don’t know about you, but I miss my faves so much.

[freedom-of-writing]

The Stable Girl

Chapter 2 – The night shift

That had felt like a never-ending day. After her encounter with Nicole, Waverly had joined her father to watch the first round of the tournament. Luckily, some of the oldest suitors were immediately eliminated, but it was not like the remaining contestants were much better. Everyone’s favorite, Lord Hardy, was a good-looking young man of about Waverly’s age, which made the princess root for him as well. But even though he was strong and really good at riding a horse, he was all but smart and educated. At least that was the impression he gave Waverly that evening as she listened to him having a conversation with the other men in the dining room. That almost made the princess wish sir Robinson would win the tournament and marry her. Said sir was a middle-aged man, but he had such polite manners and he was always so kind when he addressed her in conversation. Plus, she would never tire of listening to the stories of his many travels around the realm. He had seen pretty much everything there was to see, and could speak eight languages at best. He even owned a library that might have been bigger than the one they had there in Purgatory. He would have been the perfect match if only he were younger.

“What about the blonde one?” Waverly was brought back from her thoughts by Chrissy’s voice.

After a three-hour-long dinner, she and her handmaids had retired to her room. Obviously, Chrissy and Stephanie had wasted no time in getting into their usual blabbering. The two were now talking about their favorite contestants as Waverly was sitting by the window not really paying attention to the conversation.

“Wait, sir Thomas?”

“Ew, no! That man could be my grandpa. I was talking about Lord Reynard.”

“Oh, the one with hair for days and beautiful ocean eyes? I think I may have fallen in love with him…” Stephanie said in a dreaming tone.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ve only seen him one.”

“They call it love at first sight for a reason…”

“What are you, seven? Love at first sight only exists in fairytales, Steph.” Chrissy mocked her.

“That’s not true… it’s a real thing. Right, Waves?”

When in public, the two young women would use all the courtesies in need, but when it was just the three of them, they still addressed Waverly in informal terms like when they were kids.

“Oh c’mon, Waves, you gotta back me up on this one? You know I’m right.”

“Steph, I’m sorry, but… Chrissy’s right. Love at first sight only happens in the books.” Waverly agreed with Chrissy, although she was not so sure the girl was actually right.

The truth was, she had stopped believing in such things as love at first sight at a very young age. But after her encounter with a certain ginger girl… well, she might have been starting to reconsider her views on the matter. Maybe love at first sight did exist after all. Wait! Was she actually pondering the idea that she might have been… no, come on, that was ridiculous. She had only just met her.

Her trail of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by the arrival of a carrier pigeon who had landed right outside her window. Her friends watched her curiously as she opened the window and took the piece of paper from the bird’s claw. They got closer as she closed the window and proceeded to unroll the note, but Waverly made sure they couldn’t read the message on it. She had come to learn from experience that, sometimes, keeping secrets from them was for the best. Those girls were just too nosy.

I’m on night shift, wanna keep me company? I’ll be under the oak tree by the stables. Nicole.

Waverly couldn’t help but smile her brightest smile as she read the note. It was crazy. She had only known this woman for a few hours, and she already felt so drawn to her. She could almost feel butterflies in her stomach just at the idea of getting to spend more time with Nicole. But first, she needed an excuse to leave her room.

“What’s gotten you all smiling there?” Chrissy asked when she folded the note and put it down.

“OMG! Is it a special message from a special someone?” Stephanie exclaimed all excited.

“Did one of the lords send you a love note?”

“Was it lord Hardy?”

“He was totally eating you with his eyes this afternoon.”

“And he’s so dreamy.”

Oh boy… she needed to stop them before they took it too far.

“It’s actually just Wynonna. She wishes me a happy birthday and says she’ll try and be home soon.” Waverly lied.

“Oh.” Both Chrissy and Stephanie said in a rather disappointed tone.

Okay, so now that the explanation for the note was done, she still needed to find a way to get out of her room without getting caught by the guards, and especially without her nosy friends finding out about Nicole. Not much because she didn’t want anyone to know she was hanging out with the stable girl. Mostly, she needed space and time to understand how she really felt about this woman, which was all very new to her. And to be completely honest, a part of her was already extremely jealous of Nicole and did not like the idea of having to share her new friend with her old ones. She had to think fast. What could have been a good excuse to have the girls leave her room? Maybe that she felt sick and… no that wasn’t going to work. When a princess is sick her handmaids are expected to tend to her not leave her. Okay, c’mon Waves, think of something else! She looked down at the note in her hand, and suddenly she got an idea.

“You know what, I think I’m going to write Wynonna a letter. Tell her everything about the tournament and the handsome lords I got to meet these past few days...” Waverly told her friends. Chrissy and Stephanie knew that meant she wanted to be alone.

“Oh okay…” Stephanie said sounding disappointed once again.

“Yeah, it’s pretty late actually. We’d better go to bed.” Chrissy added. “See you tomorrow at seven?”

Waverly nodded in agreement and smiled sweetly at them.

“Goodnight, Waves.” They both said as they gave her a quick hug.

“Night, girls.”

Luckily, Stephanie and Chrissy had already helped her out of her silver dress and into a night gown, which she could easily take off on her own. She just needed to find a comfy dress to wear and then she was ready to go see Nicole.

--------------------------------------------------

Apparently finding the right dress to wear was easier said than done. Waverly had spent a good half an hour staring at the dresses in her closet without being able to choose which one was suited for the occasion. She didn’t want it to be too fancy, but she also wanted to look good, not casual. It’s crazy how you can have a closet full of clothes and still feel like you have got nothing to wear for a special occasion. At last, she settled for a lilac dress, consisting of a short-sleeved lace top and a long skirt, whose color perfectly matched the flowers still pinned to her hair. She didn’t put any make up on, and opted for a comfy pair of sandals which were better than heels for walking on the grass.  

When she was ready, she slipped out of her room, and got out of the castle using secret passages only she and Wynonna, and the servants, knew. When she was positive no one had seen her, she started walking towards the stables as quietly as possible. As written in the note, Waverly found Nicole sitting on a bench under the large oak tree by the stables. A big lantern was hanging from a low branch right over her head to lighten the pages of the book she was reading. The title said something about a knight, but Waverly couldn’t make it all out. Whatever it was, it must have been really interesting because Nicole was completely immersed into it and didn’t even notice her arrival. Clearing her throat, Waverly was finally able to catch the woman’s attention. Closing her book, Nicole looked up at her and greeted her with a sweet smile. Waverly returned the smile nervously, but said nothing. She didn’t really know what to do. Would it be okay if she just sat on the bench next to her? Nicole must have noticed her hesitation, because she quickly scooted over to leave more room on the bench for Waverly to sit.

“Thanks.” Waverly said in a shy tone as she sat down. “I didn’t know stable girls had night shifts.” She added after a moment.

“We do when the stables are filled with royal horses.” Nicole tried to explain, even though it was clearly just a lie. Everyone knew there was a camp by the village where all the horses and the servants of the king guests were to stay. But luckily Waverly made no remark about it, to which Nicole was extremely grateful. To be honest, she had spent all afternoon thinking about the princess trying to come up with an excuse to meet her again. Truth be told, she had seen Waverly around the castle before, and she definitely found her really attractive, but her interest in the princess grew even bigger after she finally got that chance to talk to her. What Waverly had said about feeling trapped in a life that was not hers to choose, she could really relate to that.

“May I see?” Waverly asked pointing to the book in Nicole’s hands. She didn’t really know how to start a conversation, so maybe talking about the book could help.

“Oh. It’s…”

“The Knight of Hearts.” Waverly read out loud when Nicole showed her the cover. “Oh, I’ve never heard of it. Is it good?”

“It’s actually my favorite book. I’ve read it like a million times.” Nicole said sounding a bit embarrassed.

“Well then, I’m gonna have to borrow it sometimes.”

Waverly’s words made Nicole regain all her confidence. “Ask and it shall be yours.” She stated in very which made Waverly chuckle in amusement.

The two of them looked at each other in silence for a moment. Nicole couldn’t help but stare at Waverly, who looked even more beautiful when she smiled. Her adoring gaze surely did not go unnoticed because Waverly started blushing and quickly averted her eyes from her.

“So how did the tournament go?” Nicole asked trying to end the awkwardness of the moment.

“It was…” Waverly trailed off as she searched for the right words to describe how she felt about it. Truth was, the tournament itself wasn’t so bad, and everyone seemed to be having a really great time, it just was…

“Not your thing?” Nicole concluded for her.

Wait what?! How… that’s exactly what she was going to say, how did she do that?

“Is it that obvious?” Waverly asked trying to hide her surprise.

“Well, from the way you were talking about it earlier, it definitely didn’t sound like your kinda afternoon.”

“Yeah well… I’m not even sure I know what my kinda afternoon looks like anymore...”

“Mmm…” Nicole hummed in thought. “Well… my kind of afternoon includes a trip to the lake, with a nice book to read seated under a tree… and maybe some animals to play around with. And a bucket of snacks, obviously. I could never go anywhere without snacks. Eating is kind of my passion.” Nicole concluded with a shrug.

Waverly chuckled lightly at that. It actually sounded like a great way to spend the afternoon. A little bit lonely though… She thought when she realized Nicole didn’t mention the presence of someone else with her. “Sounds like someone doesn’t like sharing her snacks with anybody.” She joked.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind sharing them with a pretty lady for sure.” Nicole said with a smirk, causing Waverly to blush again.

But this time she did not look away. Instead, she chose to play along. “Maybe we could do it sometimes. I haven’t been to the lake in forever.”

That made Nicole smile brightly. Was the princess really offering to spend an afternoon together, just the two of them? She couldn’t believe this was really happening. But before she could get too excited about it, she remembered Waverly would be married to a charming prince or lord real soon, and there was no way she could compete with that. All she had to offer was a bucket of snacks, and a book to read.

“I’m sure your prince will bring you to the lake any time you want once you’re married.”

“I’d rather go alone…”

“I’m sorry…” Nicole immediately regretted having said that when she heard the sad tone in Waverly’s voice. “I shouldn’t have brought that up, we were having a nice conversation, and…”

“It’s okay. Don’t even worry about it. Sooner or later, I’ll have to make peace with it.” Waverly sighed heavily.

Nicole couldn’t stand seeing her like that. She needed to do something to cheer her up. “But in the meantime… How would you like a midnight snack?” Nicole offered. And when Waverly looked at her confused, she continued to explain. “I know the perfect spot for a picnic under the stars. C’mon.”

Without giving Waverly time to answer or realize what was happening, Nicole grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. Then she started walking past the stables towards sir Nedley’s house. It was actually just a cottage built nearby, where the guardian of the stables lived. The old man had worked for the royal family ever since he was a teenager. At the beginning he was just a stable boy like the others, but with time he had gained the respect and trust of the king, Waverly’s father, who put him in charge of the stables as head and guardian.

“Wait. Are you sure we can get inside?” Waverly asked in a worried tone when Nicole moved to push the front door open.

“Of course we can. It’s my house too. Just… keep it quiet, we don’t wanna wake Nedley.”

“Hold on a sec, you live with sir Nedley?”

“Where else would I live?” Nicole sounded confused. What was so weird about her living here? She honestly couldn’t understand why the information surprised Waverly that much.

“I just thought you lived in Purgatory like all the other boys…”

Oh right. Nicole finally understood. “My family’s not from here. I had nowhere else to go. Since Chrissy has officially moved into the castle, he gave me her room.”

“Nicole, is that you?” A voice came from inside the cottage.

Shit! Nedley! What the hell was he doing awake so late? Nicole quickly motioned for Waverly to go hide around the corner before responding.

“Yeah, it’s me!” She said as she opened the front door. “I’m just here to get some sna-”

“Nicole, it’s almost midnight what the hell were you doing still out there?” Sir Nedley interjected in a very fatherlike tone.

“I’m… I…” Come on, Nicole, think! Just find a quick excuse. “Shine wasn’t feeling well so I thought I’d spend the night by his stall. Just to make sure it’s nothing serious. But don’t worry, I got it covered. You go back to sleep, and I will take care of the horse.” She reassured quickly as a worried wrinkle formed on the man’s forehead.

Sir Nedley didn’t seem very convinced, but he chose to believe her anyways. Stepping to the side, he let Nicole get in and grab the snacks she came looking for. She was back only a couple minutes later with a huge wooden bucket.

From her hiding spot, Waverly could see sir Nedley handing her a blanket as well. “Here, take this. It’s getting cold out there. We already have a sick horse, I don’t want a sick help as well.” He tried to make it sound like a professional worry, but it was clear he really cared.

“Thanks.”

“Just… call me if you need any help, okay?”

Nicole nodded and smiled gratefully at him. “Goodnight.”

“Night…” And with that the old man stepped back inside and closed the door.

With a sigh of relief, Nicole motioned for Waverly to come out of her hiding spot.

“Well, that was close…” Waverly said as she reached the redhead. “We gotta be careful. If someone sees me and tells my father…”

“Because I’m the stable girl.”

“No!” Waverly almost shouted, but then remembered Nedley could hear her. “Look, everything good that I’ve had in my life, my father’s ruined it. I just don’t wanna lose you.” She explained and her words made Nicole smile her brightest smile.

“Well, the place I told you about, it’s a secret spot. No one will find us there.” Nicole reassured her. “C’mon.” She said handing Waverly the blanket and taking her hand.

They walked hand in hand for a good twenty minutes, and for the first time, the silence did not feel awkward at all. Waverly let Nicole lead her across the garden and it felt like she was a little girl all over again, discovering new places and admiring nature’s beauty. There was something about the tall trees of the woods surrounding the garden that always terrified her. Especially in the night, when the trees cast long shadows on the grass as the moon shone bright upon them. The silence was just as terrifying as the dark because it left room for her thoughts to resonate, and sometimes they just got too loud. But not that night. Nicole’s warm hand firmly leading her through the woods made her feel safe and the redhead was the only thing on her mind.

When a sudden noise came from above them, Waverly jumped a little, but Nicole immediately reassured her with a light squeeze of her hand. “It’s probably just a squirrel.”

Waverly smiled at her, but it was quick and she didn’t look very convinced.

“C’mon. We’re almost there.” Nicole tried again, tugging at her arm lightly.

This time Waverly nodded and followed her. All of a sudden, the two of them found themselves in a beautiful opening amongst the trees. It was like a secret garden right in the middle of the woods. Nicole was right, the trees surrounding them created a sort of wall that made it impossible for people to see them there. It was the perfect hidden spot. And it was breathtaking.

“Wow…” Waverly looked around in awe.

“And you haven’t seen the best part yet. Look up.”

Waverly did as she said and found herself facing the most beautiful starry sky she had ever seen. The Milky Way ran right above their heads in thousands shades of yellow and white.

“It’s pretty magical, isn’t it?”

“It’s… wow.” That was all she managed to say. She was completely speechless in front of such beauty.

“It will look even better if you lay down.” Nicole said putting down the basket and taking the blanket from Waverly to set it onto the grass.

“M’lady.” Nicole bowed jokingly at her as invitation to sit down.

Waverly chuckled at lightly at that. “Why, thank you.” She played along as she let Nicole help her down onto the blanket.

“You like apple pie, right?” Nicole asked as she opened the basket and took out a plate with a huge slice of pie.

“Love it.”

Nicole smiled and handed her that plate and a small fork.

“Wait, what about you?”

“Oh, there was only one slice left. It’s okay, you have it. I’ll have a glass of juice.”

“What? No, no way! We can share it.”

“You sure?” Nicole sounded a bit surprised. She genuinely did not think the princess would ever be up for sharing food with a stable girl.

“Of course! It’s your midnight snack after all, right?”

Nicole smiled at her and took out another fork from the basket as well as two glasses and a bottle of orange juice.

“Mmm. It’s delicious.” Waverly stated as she tasted the pie.

“Nedley made it this morning.” she said as she filled the glasses. “But don’t tell anyone he’s a good cook. It’s kind of his secret passion.”

------------------------------------------

When they were done with the pie and the juice, they lay down side by side to star gaze. The air was cool, but the woolen blanket underneath them was enough to stay warm. As they looked up at the sky, they started talking about anything and everything. And so, Waverly learned that Nicole was 26, only a year younger than Wynonna, and she came from a small village in the south. She had left home at 18 and hadn’t spoken to her parents since. Apparently, her family did not take her wish to become a knight of the king’s guard very well.

“The king’s army is no place for a peasant. And even less so for a girl.” Her father had told her the day she left.

It hadn’t taken long for Nicole to find out that her father was probably right, and becoming a knight was easier said than done. But she was too proud and stubborn to go back. So for the first 5 years, she had kept on the move, heading north to pursue her dream. Working as a waitress in several taverns, she had managed to gain enough money to buy herself a wooden sword first, and then a real one. She didn’t really know how to use it properly, but owning one seemed like a great first step in the right direction. In Kork, a small city halfway up on the road to Purgatory, she had made friends with a bunch of boys, rookies in their lord’s army. She and the boys had come to an agreement: in exchange of a free drink every night, they would let Nicole come and spar with them in her free time. And so, soon enough, she had become a better swordsman than most. She had been in Kork for almost 6 months when the War of the Free Cities broke out. Seven armies battled each other for over a year, destroying every city, town and village that was on their way. Nicole’s friends and the lord’s army tried their best to defend Kork and its people, but they fell under the attack of the Storm, an army of ruthless mercenaries under the command of lord Clootie. As their name gave out, everything was torn apart on their passage.

“They slaughtered everyone…” Nicole sat up as a lump formed in her throat. “Men, women… even the children.” She continued, fighting back the tears.

“My God…” Waverly looked at her in shock as she sat up as well.

“I somehow got myself onto a horse and fled. I roamed around the woods for days, heading north and hoping the trees would hide me from those monsters.”

“Oh Nicole…” Waverly grabbed her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

“I don’t exactly know how I got to the next town. One night I was sleeping under a tree, and the next day I woke up into a warm stall next to my horse. Somebody must’ve saved me and brought me there, but the guardian of the stables swore he had seen nothing.”

For the past couple of years, she had worked as a stable girl for the Cullies, a rich family who ruled over the town of Tombstone. As creepy as its name was, the town was actually a very peaceful place to live. The whole town was surrounded by tall wall, and built on the top of a hill. Isolated as it was, it had never feared an attack from any near cities. And its lords had always been fair and peaceful rulers who had never engaged into a war. Nicole was happily welcomed into their home and was always treated with great respect by everybody. Peasant or noble, it didn’t matter at Tombstone, everyone was free. So servants weren’t really servants. Most of the time they were just orphans or poor people working for the Cullies in exchange of a place to stay. They were like a big family, and Nicole loved it there. Gregory, the guardian, was like a grandfather to all the stable boys and stable girls. Ha taught them how to take care of the horse and each other, and gave them life advice all the time. In his seventy-six years on this earth, he had seen all and done all, and everyone, from the lords to the servants, loved to hear his infinite stories. Unfortunately, last winter he got really sick. He still made it through, stubborn as always, but by the time the hot season came, his body was just too weak to recover. The old man passed on a warm summer night, but before he died, he gave each of his kids a letter and a gift. No one had secrets with him, which meant he knew exactly what each one of them really needed. And so, Nicole was given a young chestnut mare, strong and full of energy.

You got the sword, kiddo, but you can’t be a knight without a horse. Take good care of my Flicka, she’s yours now. And there’s one more thing: I got a nephew in Purgatory, his name is Randy. He’s waiting for you at the king’s castle. This is your chance to get where you wanted, kid, don’t let it go to waste. You’re an extraordinary woman, Nicole, and I know it in my heart that you’ll make a great knight. You just gotta believe it too. Remember: no dream is too big. May your name sound high in the infinity of the sky. Until we meet again.

That was the letter he had left her. Flicka was a young chestnut mare, beautiful and strong and full of energy. She was exactly the kind of horse a knight would want to ride onto. And so, about a month ago Nicole had arrived in Purgatory, where sir Nedley had welcomed her with open arms. Life at the king’s castle was very different from the one she had gotten used to in Tombstone. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the Earps were nothing like the Cullies, and that sir Nedley was going to be the only friend she had. At least until that day.

“I’m really glad I met you.” Nicole told Waverly when she was done with her story. She almost regretted saying that, but Waverly quickly gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand lightly.

“And I’m really glad you found me.”

They remained like that, smiling and staring at each other for a moment, but when Nicole tried to lean in, Waverly turned and looked away. She wanted to kiss her, really, but she wasn’t ready. Not yet. They had just met; this was crazy. How could she have been so drawn to her already?

“Sorry…” Nicole apologized and cursed herself for pushing it too far too quick.

“We should probably head back now. The tournament starts at 9 tomorrow, I’d better try and get some sleep.” Waverly said trying to get out of this situation.

“Right, yeah, of course. I… I’d better get back to stables. Just in case Nedley comes to check on me.”

With that they both got up and started gathering everything up. Once they were packed and ready, Nicole walked Waverly back to the castle.

“So, hum…” Waverly stopped and turned to look at Nicole once they got in front of the side door she had used to sneak out.

“I’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow?” Nicole asked hesitantly. She was really hoping she hadn’t fuck everything up.

“Yeah.” Waverly nodded with a small smile, which was immediately returned by Nicole.

Waverly couldn’t help but notice a little worry wrinkle on Nicole’s forehead. She had to let her know it was okay. That what happened tonight didn’t ruin anything. After a moment of hesitation, she leaned forward and gave Nicole a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Goodnight.” She said sweetly when she leaned back.

“Night.” Nicole said beaming and blushing a little.

And with Waverly walked into the castle while Nicole turned to head back to the stables.

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Chapter 1 - Waverly’s birthday

[freedom-of-writing]

The Stable Girl

Wayhaught AU: 

Waverly of the house Earp is a young princess supposed to marry the champion of the tournament organized by her father, the king, for her 21st birthday. Nicole is the new stable girl with big dreams of becoming a knight of the king's guard. What will happen when these two elements, minding their own business, finally connect? Will they become love?

Chapter 1 – Waverly’s birthday

Her 21st birthday was supposed to be the most magical day of her life. She’d been planning that day for years now. But unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned. Actually, for her it seemed like they never went as planned. Her eldest sister Willa had gotten married 4 years prior, and she had moved to another castle with her husband, prince Robert Svane. Not that she missed her. Willa had always been a bully to her. As for her other big sister Wynonna, she was a knight of the king’s guard, their father’s army, and she’d been away for ten months now. She was probably still fighting some battle, or just getting really drunk in some tavern with the rest of the knights. She’d promised she’d be back for her birthday, but she must’ve forgotten. As always. And that was it. The only other people she talked to in the castle were her two handmaids, Stephanie and Chrissy. When they were younger, she used to consider them her friends, but with time she’d come to realize they only cared about gossip, beautiful dresses and boys. She was way too educated to settle for their company. What she really needed was someone with whom she could talk about literature and science, and do all kinds of things that were not necessarily girly.

When she was a kid, she and Wynonna used to hang out with the stable boys, or the king’s guard rookies. They would wrestle each other and spar with wooden swords, and in the hot season they would ride to a lake only a few miles away from the castle, and they would swim, and talk, and play around… She missed doing all those things. But mostly, she missed being allowed to hang with her sister and the boys. It’d been so long since she’d felt that carefree and happy. Seven years to be precise. On her 14th birthday her father told her she was no longer a kid, and it was time for her to start behaving like a proper lady. She’d never understood why Wynonna was allowed to be a tomboy, while she had to give it all up. But maybe it’s because their father simply viewed his middle daughter as a lost cause. Which might also be why he had given her an ultimatum: either she got married and started acting like a lady, or she trained to become a knight of the king’s guard. But Waverly, she wasn’t stubborn enough to go against her father’s will. And that led her to years spent following Willa around and mimicking her every move, while her sister basically treated her like her personal slave. Finally, when Willa got married, Waverly was left alone. Apart from some brief visits from Wynonna, she’d been alone for 4 years now. At first it had felt very lonely, but with time she got used to the peace and quiet, and most of all, to the company of a good book or some music. She would spend most of her days in the library, reading books, playing piano and singing. When her father wasn’t at home, she would go to the stables and spend hours with the horses, the dogs and Lady Jane, a ginger cat who seemed to dislike every human but her. But she would always make sure not to be alone with the stable boys. She could see the hungry looks on their faces whenever they saw her, and that made her extremely uncomfortable. Wynonna had warned her about that: “beware of the boy who’s turned into a man, for he wants a woman not a friend”. Sometimes her sister could be quite poetic. But she was right. Those who used to be her friends now scared her, and she did not want to be alone in their presence.

Anyways, back to her birthday. You’d think having to spend it all alone was the worst of it, but no. It gets even worse. Apparently, her father had decided 21 was the perfect age for her to become officially a lady. Someone’s lady, to be precise. Her dreams of travelling and exploring the world after coming of age were all shattered by the king’s wish to find her a husband. He would have never said it out loud, but Waverly knew her father couldn’t wait to get rid of her, as bad as it sounds. She never understood why he hated her so much. He was always so attentive when it came to Willa and Wynonna, but with her… sometimes she felt like he didn’t even remember he had a third daughter. Wynonna had always told her he only became so harsh when their mother left. But why punishing his six-year-old kid for a decision his wife had made? It was not her fault she chose to leave her family behind and start a new life somewhere else. If it were for Waverly, she would have gladly left with her mother. At least the queen had always been caring and loving with her. Everything her father had never been. He had never given a damn about what she wanted, nor had he ever bothered giving her a choice.

“You’ll be a grown woman soon. It’s time we find you a husband. You can’t live under your father’s roof forever.” He had told her a month before.

Not wasting any time, he had come up with the perfect plan to find a suitor for his daughter: in honor of the princess’s birthday, the king was to host a week-long tournament, and lords and princes from all over the realm were to come and fight for a chance to win her hand.

Waverly had lost count of how many men she had to welcome and greet in the past couple of days. And it wasn’t even over yet. The last of the party were to arrive that morning, so not even on her birthday was she allowed to have some time for herself and do something she liked. That’s why she had ordered her handmaids to come wake her up early that morning. Obedient as always, Chrissy and Stephanie had knocked on her door at 7 am, two hours before the first guests would be arriving to meet her. In just a little over an hour she was up and ready, which meant she had quite some time to spend on her own before meeting her father in the throne room. The two girls had tried to convince her to let them stay so they could celebrate her birthday together over breakfast, but she had a long day ahead of her, and she really needed some peace and quiet before it started.

When the two had left, she sat down by the window to look out at the garden. Opening it a little, she let the cool breeze run through her stray locks, and she took a deep breath in. She was wearing a huge silver gown with high-heeled shoes. And her hair was tied up behind her head with little lilac flowers in it. The fresh air and the peaceful atmosphere of the garden made her forget about how uncomfortable those clothes were, and for a moment she imagined being little carefree Waverly, running barefoot in the grass chasing butterflies and dreaming about flying up in the sky with them. Her mother would be sitting under a tree making her a flower crown, while Wynonna would be chasing squirrels up the trees like a little monkey. And Willa… well she would be inside with their father, learning how to rule a kingdom. As far as Waverly could remember, Willa had never played outside with them. Wynonna used to say her big sister loved playing with her when they were little, but she was the heir and their father wanted to be sure she knew how to rule the kingdom once he was gone. That’s why Willa had stopped being a kid quite early on.

It was almost the end of summer, and the trees were starting to look less green than before. A light shade of yellow tinted the leaves, and the grass was no longer covered in flowers. In just a few weeks most of the birds would be gone as well, flying away to look for a warmer place to spend the winter. Waverly remembered a conversation she had with her mother on her sixth birthday. The last they spent together.

“The garden is a magical place, my little one. The grass, the trees, the animals moving around… everything’s alive. And everything keeps changing. I could stare at it every day for the rest of my life and never get tired. If you look closely, there’s always something new to admire.”

“But in winter it gets kinda sad. The birds all leave, and the squirrels hide. It all looks kind of naked without leaves and flowers.”

“Life’s a circle, baby girl. The old die so the new can thrive. But there’s beauty even in the silence of a sleeping garden.”

“I miss you, mama.” Waverly whispered at the wind as a tear fell down her cheek.

The king had told everyone the queen had died of a sudden illness, but the three princesses knew she had just left because she couldn’t take that life any longer. Wherever she was, Waverly imagined her sitting in the grass with her eyes closed as she listened to what nature had to say around her. And she was happy. At peace.

Speaking of, her own peace was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was time. Two of his father’s guards had come to escort her to the throne room, where the king was already waiting for her. With a heavy sigh, Waverly got up and closed the window, taking one last deep breath in. Then she turned and followed the guards outside.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Father.” She greeted with a slight bow when she reached the throne.

Her father barely bowed his head in return before motioning for her to take her seat by his right side. Once she was seated, she noticed lord John Henry Holliday, the king’s hand, had also taken his place on the other side of the throne. Doc, as he liked to be called, was a middle-aged man, with black hair and a thick black mustache. His beautiful blue eyes met hers briefly and he smiled warmly at her. She had never spent much time with him, but the man had always been really nice and sweet with her.

“Happy birthday, princess.” He mouthed at her.

“Thank you.” She mouthed back with a bright smile.

It was in that moment that she realized her father had not even bothered wishing her a happy birthday when she entered the room. But he probably didn’t even remember it was today. He had never really been aware of her birthday. If it weren’t for Doc, she was sure, he wouldn’t have even remembered she was turning 21 that year.

The noise of heavy footsteps approaching the room brought her back to reality. The captain of the guards, who had been charged to escort each guest to the throne room, entered the room and announced the first lord.

“Welcome to Purgatory, lord Lance” Doc greeted him once the man was standing in front of the throne.

Lord Lance nodded briefly at him, before bowing to the king. “Your majesty.” Then, turning towards Waverly, he bowed slightly to her as well. “Princess.”

“If you will, please, follow the guards, they’ll show you to your room. You can rest and get changed. The king and the princess will see you at lunch.” Doc told him.

“Thank you, lord Holliday.” He nodded again, and then he turned to follow the guards out of the room.

“These Lance… are they rich?” The king asked once the man had left.

“Very rich, your majesty.”

“Good. He seems nice too.”

“He could be father…” Waverly whispered making sure her father wouldn’t hear her.

If she really had no choice but to get married, couldn’t she at least marry a man her age? She thought to herself with a heavy sigh. This birthday was slowly turning into her worst nightmare. She could almost feel tears forming in her eyes, but she could not cry right now. The morning had just begun, she had to keep it together. With a deep breath, she pushed back the tears, and she put on a smile as the next guest was admitted into the room.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The morning had seemed to last forever. The last of the guests arrived when everyone was ready to go to lunch, and the king refused to meet him. Doc had tried to convince Waverly to go with the king, but she refused. She hated this whole meeting and greeting the guests, but these men had come from all over the realm just for her, and the least she could do was welcoming them into her home as a princess should do. Obviously, her gesture did not go unnoticed, and the lord made sure she knew how grateful he was for her patience. He was an old man, almost completely bold, but at least he’d proved to be very polite, offering Waverly his arm as they walked to the dining room.

After an hour, Waverly was getting a terrific headache, and she just couldn’t take the noise anymore. Being the only woman in a room full of men was bad enough, but being the only woman in a room full of screaming drunk men was too much.

“Father, I’m not feeling well, I think I might retreat to the library for a while.” She tried to tell him, but the king was too drunk to process what she’d just said.

Luckily, Doc heard her and granted her permission to go. “We’ll see you at four. Have some rest, princess.”

She smiled gratefully at him, and then she turned towards the guests excusing herself. Once she was out, she ran down the hallway and out into the garden. As the fresh air filled her lungs, she felt her head beginning to pound less and less. She was free, at least for an hour or so. After a moment of reflection, she decided that going for a walk in the garden would be much better than closing herself in the library. The cool breeze would surely make her headache to go away. She just hoped no one went looking for her inside, or she would be in great trouble.

She’d been walking for forty minutes when she found herself in front of the stables. It had been a while since the last time she went in. In the past year the king had barely ever left the castle to go haunting with his lords. Taking a look around to make sure nobody could see her, she decided to go in. She was immediately greeted by lady Jane who came running towards her.

“Hey, little one. Did you miss me? Yeah?” She said as she leaned down to pet her, and the cat happily purred in response.

She stayed like that for a while, but suddenly the cat took off looking for a place to hide.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Waverly asked as she got up to see where she had gone.

“I didn’t know princesses were allowed in the stables.” A voice said from behind, startling her.

“God!” Waverly exclaimed with a little jump. “You scared me...” She said turning around to face the other person.

In front of her was a beautiful tall young woman with long red hair and big brown eyes, which seemed like they could stare right into her soul. She was wearing a pair of khakis and a sleeveless brown leather jacket over a creme shirt. She must have been a new servant or something, because Waverly couldn’t recall having seen her before. And it’s not like there were many ginger heads around there.

“Are you okay?” The redhead asked with a chuckle.

Waverly couldn’t help but stare at her. The woman was giving her the most beautiful smile Waverly had ever seen. And the dimples on the side of her mouth made her look even cuter.

“Yeah, I’m… I just had a crazy morning.” She managed to answer after a moment.

“Sorry I wasn’t there to see it.” The woman said with a smirk.

Was she… was this woman flirting with her? Waverly couldn’t help but blush a little at her cheeky behavior.

“I’ve been… I’ve been meaning to introduce myself. I’m Nicole. Nicole Haught. The new stable girl.” The redhead said trying to break the awkward silence. Offering her hand for the princess to take, she continued. “And you are… Waverly Earp. Quite a popular girl around here.” She smiled before kissing the back of Waverly’s hand, making the princess blush in the process.

In her life, she had been greeted like that from gentlemen a thousand times, but no one had ever made her feel butterflies in her stomach. Waverly felt so shy and small as Nicole’s soft lips grazed her skin.

“So… why is a princess like you hiding from her perfect life?” Nicole asked letting go of Waverly’s hand.  

“I’m not hiding!” Waverly answered harshly, catching Nicole off guard. “I’m sorry… I’m not usually like this.” She apologized when she noticed the shocked look on the redhead’s face.

“Hey… I get it. No one’s life is perfect.” She reassured her with a shrug.

“Yeah, well, mine’s feeling more like hell than a perfect life lately…” Waverly said more to herself than to Nicole, but the stable girl still heard her loud and clear and gave her a questioning look.

“I’ve spent the past couple of days smiling and waving at lords and princes who came here for the tournament. My father wants me to marry the champion.” She explained with a sigh.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve spent all morning cleaning your stables. Looks like my morning was shittier than yours. Both literally and figuratively.” Nicole joked hoping to lighten Waverly’s mood.  

“Might be hard to believe, but… I kinda envy you.”

“Oh, c’mon, how bad can it be? You get to marry a rich prince, or some brave knight…”

“Most of the men I’ve greeted are like forty years old! And what if I just don’t wanna get married?!” Waverly exclaimed in an exasperated tone.

Couldn’t everyone just leave her be for one freaking minute, and let her choose whether she wanted to get married or not?! All her life, she’d had to be what others expected her to be, but no one ever bothered asking what it was that she really wanted. Willa got to marry a rich prince, yeah, but he was also the man she’d been in love with ever since they were kids. And even Wynonna was given a choice. Okay, it was more of an ultimatum, but still… she wasn’t forced to marry a man twice her age. But what about her? Her father had never given her a chance to find her place in this world. All these years spent trying to be the perfect little girl her family wanted her to be, hoping to enter her father’s graces, and nothing had changed.

“What do you want?” Waverly was taken aback by that question. Nicole was the first person who’d ever asked her that.

“I… I don’t know.” She realized in that moment that she’d never really thought about that question, so used to tailor herself to the people she was with.

“Well, what do you like? There’s gotta be something that’s just… yours. A dream, a wish, a passion…”

“I… I’ve always wanted to see the world, and visit the places I’ve read about in my books. And… and I wanna drink beer at the tavern with my friends, or… hold a sword, a real sword. I wanna travel around with the king’s guard and fight in battles like my sister does. Why does she get to be a hero, while I get to be just…” She trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Me.” Waverly concluded in a sad tone.

“Hey… look, you as you are, are okay. You don’t have to be a hero to be special.” Nicole tried to comfort her by grabbing her hand and giving it a light squeeze.

Waverly looked down at their joined hands for a moment, and then she looked up only to be met by the brightest and warmest smile ever. Nicole was looking at her with so much love and compassion that she felt like she could get lost in those big brown eyes of hers.

“You’re special, baby girl. Don’t ever forget that.”

So far, mama had been the only one to ever call her that.

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, until it became too much. Retracting her hand from Nicole’s, Waverly tried to break the awkward silence. “So, hum… what about you? What do you want?” Waverly asked while sitting down on a trunk nearby.

“Me? I’m just a stable girl…”

“And don’t stable girls have dreams too?”

“I should probably get back to work now. Those horses won’t brush themselves.” Nicole said, clearly avoiding the question.

“You know, when I was a little kid I used to come here every day and would spend hours with my horse. But when I turned 14, my father forbade me to come to come to stables. I could still ride my horse if I we had to go somewhere, but he said I wasn’t a kid anymore, and ladies can’t get covered in mud and dust. The only times I can come to the stables are when he’s not at home.”

“So why are you here?”

“I needed a break. And he thinks I’m in the library.”

“I see…” Nicole said, then she got an idea. “Hey, do you wanna help out?”

“Oh, I’d love to! Like… like to. But I can’t.” She tried to correct herself.

What the hell, girl? Get your shit together! She mentally scolded herself. You see one hot girl, and suddenly your brain can’t work anymore? OMG, did she just think Nicole was hot?

She took a deep breath in order to gain some control again, and then she continued explaining. “If I get dirt on my gown, my father’s gonna kill me.”

“I got some spare clothes if you want… you could just get changed.” Nicole offered with a smile. Or was it a smirk?

“It’s not that simple, it took me like 40 minutes to get into this gown.”

“40 minutes, huh? I bet I could get you out of it faster…” Nicole said to herself, but it was still loud enough for Waverly to hear it.

“What?”

“Help. I bet I could help you out of it faster. If… if you wanted to get changed.” She tried to correct herself.

Damn it, Haught! Couldn’t you keep the comment to yourself? This time it was Nicole’s turn to mentally scold herself.

“Right. Hum…” Waverly didn’t really know where to go from there. She had never actually flirted with someone before. Let alone with a woman. She needed an excuse to leave, fast. She couldn’t do this right now. “I… I’d better go back now. Before my father finds out I’m not actually in the library.”

“Sure, yeah. Then maybe some other time.” Nicole smiled at her. “I mean it.” She added with a hint of a smirk.

Waverly smiled briefly at her, and then she turned to leave before the other woman could notice just how bad she was blushing.

------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2 - The night shift

[freedom-of-writing]

Can I get a cappuccino to go?

Or just me revisiting the WayHaught first meeting with them being wives.

Waverly is cleaning the counter as Rachel and Nedley go to the basement to get more booze. That’s how Nicole finds her when she arrives at Shorty’s. She leans on the door, hat in her hand, and she greets her wife.

“Hey, babe.”

Waverly smiles bright at her.

“I see Shorty’s still has wet t-shirt competitions...” she says as she starts moving towards the counter. “Although this is nothing compared to how wet you were last night.” She says with a smirk as she puts her hat on the counter and she leans forward to kiss her wife.

“Yeah, I admit, I had a craaazy night.” Waverly plays along as she leans back.

“Glad I was there to see it.” There goes that smirk again. “Anyways.... can I get a cappuccino to go?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not open yet.”

“Right, my bad... now that I think about it, you’ve been open all night long, so... I should probably give you a break.” She says only a few inches from Waverly’s face.

Neither one of them hears Rachel and Nedley getting back from downstairs, so they just keep on flirting.

“But, you know, if you ever needed help getting out of that wet t-shirt...”

“You think you could help me with that, sheriff?” Now it’s Waverly’s turn to smirk.

“Rachel, what is going on?” Nedley asks her as they stand by the basement door.

“Let’s just hope they don’t do it on the counter...”

“Huh?” Nedley looks at her not quite understanding what she means. But then it clicks. “Oh.... Oh. Nope, not in my bar. There’s a limit to what a man should see.” He says. Then he clears his throat to get the women’s attention. “I’m sorry ladies, I’m afraid you’ve mistaken this place for the Glory Hole...”

Waverly and Nicole part very quickly when they hear his voice. Turning a deep shade of red, they both apologize.

“I should probably get back to the station.” Nicole says grabbing her hat from the counter and leaning over to give Waverly a sweet kiss.

“Wait, what about your coffee?” Waverly asks as Nicole starts walking towards the door.

“Oh, maybe some other time...”

“How about tonight?” Waverly offers with a smirk.

“Perfect.” She winks as she puts her hat on and leaves.

[freedom-of-writing]

Forever my wife

Just my take on how the WayHaught wedding could’ve turned out. I wrote this before the airing of episode 4x12, so expect it to be different. 

It’s here. Their weeding day has finally arrived. Nicole has been smiling her brightest smile all morning. She can’t believe she is finally getting married to the love of her life, her Angel, the Guardian of her heart. Waverly Earp. Her wife. Wow... that sounds so good.

She is all dressed up and almost ready for the ceremony, thanks to Rachel. She is wearing a beautiful maroon suit with a very simple and natural-looking makeup. It was Rachel’s idea, and she absolutely loves the result. As for Waverly, she has Wynonna to help her get ready. Obviously. Part of Nicole wishes she could just peek at them, sure they must be having a lot of fun right now. But she and Waverly agreed their wedding looks should be a surprise, so she is getting ready in the barn, while Waverly is in their room in the Homestead.

“Alright, there you go!” Rachel exclaims when she’s done with Nicole’s hair. “What do you think?”

Rachel curled her beautiful red hair, and clipped it backwards on one side, so that it is falling nicely on her right shoulder.

“Wow...” Nicole stares in awe at her figure in the mirror.

“I know. I’m pretty proud of my work too.” Rachel says with a proud smirk.

Nicole chuckles lightly at that, and then she turns to face her. “Thank you.”

Rachel smiles brightly at her, moving her hand up to fix a lock of Nicole’s hair. “I’m... I’m gonna go check on Waves. See if Wynonna needs any help...”

“Okay.”

When Rachel leaves, Nicole moves to sit on Wynonna’s bed. Closing her eyes, she tries to recall all of the milestones that led them here. Their first meeting at Shorty’s... Waverly Earp smiling at her from her front porch... her heart shattering when Waverly told her they should’ve been just friends, and all its pieces coming back together the minute Waverly kissed her in Nedley’s office... their first time, their big fight, all of the times they’d lost and found each other over the years... her regret of not having said yes right away... her hope slowly fading away in those 18 months alone... what they did on the stairs, and on the kitchen floor, and in the barn this morning... What a ride they had, huh?

That’s what she said. She can imagine Wynonna saying to her. The thought makes her smile. That woman is a real sucker for a dirty joke. And she’s part of their journey too. Who would’ve thought they could become best friends. And yet, here they are. It’s crazy how close they’ve become.

Right as she’s thinking about that, Nicole is brought back to reality by the sound of knocking on the front door. Speaking of the devil...

“May I come in? Please, tell me you’re not naked...” Wynonna asks as she walks in with a hand covering her eyes.

“Actually, I’m lying completely naked on your bed right now.” Nicole jokes.

“I’d rather not think about what you did on my bed this morning...” Wynonna says lowering her hand.

“Excuse me?!” How the hell does she know about their morning... exchange of love.

“Poor innocent Jeremy told me about it. Poor soul, I think you traumatized him for life...” she mocks her.

Nicole shakes her head in disbelief. “Just come here, and sit with me, Earp.” She invites her patting at the space beside her on the mattress.

“Huh uh, no way. I’m never touching that bed again.”

“We didn’t even do it on the bed!” Nicole yells before she can realize what she is actually saying.

“Yep. I’m burning this whole barn to the ground tonight.” Wynonna states in a joking tone before going to sit on the bed near Nicole.

When she was settled, Nicole smiled her beautiful bright smile at her, and Wynonna noticed her eyes were sparkling with tears.

“You okay, Haught?”

“I’m getting married to Waverly Earp today...” she says as if that could answer Wynonna’s question.

“You’d better.”

Nicole chuckles lightly at that, and then she asks: “how is she?”

“She’s ready.” Somehow Wynonna knows exactly what Nicole needed to hear. “Oh, I almost forgot. I got you something” She exclaims a moment later, taking a necklace from her dress, in the space right over her boob. “No pockets.” She explains with a shrug when Nicole laughs lightly at her. Same old Wynonna.

“Please tell me it’s not a boner necklace...” Nicole jokes.

“Damn it! Now I’m mad I didn’t think of that!”

That makes Nicole laugh again. And in that moment, she realizes the tears that once threatened to fall are now completely gone. Wynonna did it again. It crazy how this woman can make it all go away with just one joke.

“But seriously... here.” Wynonna says as she hands over the necklace to Nicole.

Nicole takes it and lays it on the palm of her hand, so she can study the pendant. It’s the shape of a heart, and inside it there are two small figures, two girls sitting on its outline as if the pendant was a swing. On the outline of the heart, then, there are two small inscriptions: always my sister / forever my friend. Nicole reads them, and then turns to look at Wynonna in shock. That’s definitely not the gift she was expecting to get from “miss everything’s a joke to me”.

“Waverly gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday, right before I left Purgatory... She wanted me to know that I’d always have a home here if I wanted to come back. I always have it with me. Even if I’m not wearing it. It’s like my lucky charm. Which is kind of stupid considering all the troubles I got in in my life...”

“Wynonna, I...” Nicole’s at a loss of words. No one’s ever given her something that was so special to them.

“You’re gonna be my sister now, right?” she says matter-of-factly, and Nicole can feel herself getting all emotional again.

“I’ve never had a sister…” She states, mimicking what Wynonna had told her a little less than two years ago. I’ve never had a best friend.

“You do now.” Wynonna states in all seriousness as she fights back the tears blurring her eyes. “A pretty messed up one, but...” she starts to joke, but Nicole interrupts her.

“She’s perfect that way.” She says taking hold of Wynonna’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

They stay like that for a moment, neither one breaking the peaceful silence that fell upon them. Nicole can’t take her eyes off the necklace. Waverly gave it to Wynonna, and now Wynonna is giving it to her. It’s not just a promise to be friends and sisters forever, it’s also a way for Wynonna to say “Waverly’s the most precious thing that I have, and now she’s yours to protect and love”. The idea makes her even more emotional, but if she cries now, she’ll ruin all her makeup, and it took Rachel half an hour to put it on. So she takes a deep breath to force back the tears, and then she gets up and turns to face Wynonna.

“Help me put it on?” She asks, holding out the necklace for Wynonna to take.

A tear falls down Wynonna’s cheek as she smiles at her friend. She wipes it away quickly with the back of her hand, and then, she gets up grabbing the necklace. As she is fastening it, they hear a knock on the door. It’s Rachel. In a very Wynonna-fashion she does not wait for an answer before walking in. She is here to let them know everyone’s ready, and they’re just waiting for the two of them. All of a sudden Nicole feels like she can’t breathe. It’s happening. It’s time. OMG. Her heart is racing uncontrollably, and she thinks she might get sick. That, of course, does not go unnoticed on Wynonna, who puts her hand on Nicole’s shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

“C’mon, Haught. You’ve waited long enough. Now you get to be happy.” She smiles lovingly at her friend. Best friend. God, she’s so happy for her right now. She finally gets to be happily married to the love of her life. It’s what she deserves.

When she feels Nicole is breathing somewhat steadily again, she offers up her arm for her to lean on as they walk out. With a deep breath, Nicole puts her hand on Wynonna’s arm, and she lets her friend lead her out of the barn, with Rachel in tow. It’s a beautiful sunny day, and she can smell the perfumes of a thousand flowers, and the green grass around the Homestead is glowing bright in the summer sun. Nicole takes a look at the guests waiting for them by their seats. It’s not many people, it’s true, but all the ones who matter are here. Jeremy, Doc, Nedley, Billy, Mercedes… wait. No way! No! She turns towards Wynonna in shock.

“Are you serious right now?!” she exclaims in disbelief.

“Do you know someone else who can officiate your wedding?!”

“Anyone but Bunny!”

“Listen, sheriff, she’s who I found, okay? Do you wanna get married or what?”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Earp…”

“Oh, please, your life would be so boring without me.”

“I’m marrying your sister, I can think of a few ways to entertain myself…” she objects with a smirk.

Their banter is interrupted by Nedley clearing his throat to get their attention. “Ladies…”

Both turn to look at him. Nicole can instantly feel the tears forming in her eyes. He’s here to walk her down the aisle. This is all surreal. How is this real life? She feels like she’s in a dream.

“Wow… Look at you.” Nedley says in admiration.

“Yeah, you don’t look bad yourself.”

“I’m proud of you, kiddo.” He says in her ear as he brings her in for a tight hug.

Nicole’s been able to hold back the tears so far, but after those words she just can’t. Her parents might not be there to support her, but she has Nedley, and that’s all that matters. She allows one tear to stream down her cheek, but then she collects herself quickly. She can’t cry. Not before the ceremony has even started. Nedley smiles lovingly at her as they let go of each other, and then he holds out his arm for her to lean on. Nicole takes one last look around, and she notices Wynonna is gone. She must’ve gone get Waverly. It’s time. No more waiting. This time it’s for real. Smiling back at Nedley, she puts her hand on his arm, and they start walking towards the others. My God, this is crazy. She thinks as she sees Bunny waving at her happily. Just a perfect Earp-fashion wedding...

As they walk slowly down the aisle, her eyes get wet all over again. She just can’t help it. When she got to Purgatory she was completely alone, and now she’s getting married to the love of her life and she’s got a family who loves and supports her. She is smiling so big right now, she can feel her cheeks beginning to hurt, and just the idea of seeing Waverly makes her hearts burst with joy. She looks at Rachel, her maid of honor, and she feels so proud. The past 19 months weren’t easy for either of them, but they got through. Together. They’ve seen each other at their worst, and now hopefully they’ll get to see each other at their best too. Today a new chapter begins. A better one for sure. No matter what happens next, nothing can be worse than the hopelessness and loneliness she’s felt in those eighteen months alone.

Nicole is brought back from her thoughts when Nedley gives her hand a gentle squeeze. Nicole gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek, and then he moves away to get to his seat. All of a sudden, murmurs fill the air, and she turns to see Waverly and Wynonna walking out of the homestead and towards them. Nicole can feel her heart pounding hard. Wow… Waverly looks so beautiful… She is in a long sleeveless white lace dress. Her hair is tied up on the back of her head, and it has beautiful colorful flowers in it. Her makeup, just like Nicole’s, is very simple, and she is absolutely breathtaking. Nicole can’t help but stare at her in awe as she walks down the aisle leaning on Wynonna’s arm. And the same goes for Waverly as she studies her fiancée’s look. They both look perfect. This is all so perfect.

“Hi” “Hey” They greet each other once they’re standing side by side.

“Haught.” Wynonna says as she lets go of Waverly to embrace Nicole. “You take care of my baby sis, okay?” she whispers in her ear, her voice cracking with emotion.

“Always.”

“You got the girl, Nicole. Now go get your wife.” Wynonna says leaning back and winking at her.

What happens next is a mystery to Nicole and Waverly. All they can focus on is the person standing right in front of them, and it feels like they’re in a bubble, just the two of them. They can barely process what’s going on as Bunny takes the word to let the ceremony begin. They come back to reality when it’s time for them to say their vows.

“Sheriff…” Bunny invites her to go first.

She’s had a hard time in the past few days trying to find the right things to say, but she’s figure it out at last. Although no words could ever fully express how much Waverly Earp really means to her. As she takes Waverly’s hands into her own, she begins.

“Waverly Earp… You are my home, my love, my Angel. You are the oxygen that keeps me breathing, and the light that brightens my days. Being loved by you is by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You came into my life at a time when I was lost, and alone, and you turned my world completely upside down. You filled the void in my heart with joy, and laughter, and love. You gave me memories to hold onto, and reasons to fight, and stay. You turned this unfamiliar place into my home, and these strangers into my family, and all of my insecurities into my biggest strengths. You taught me to love myself just as much as I love you, and you showed me perfection where I could only see flaws. You inspire me to be the best version of me, and to always be fighting for what I believe in. You are everything I’ve ever wanted, and so so much more.” She pauses briefly to turn and take the ring from Rachel, and then she continues.

“So today, in front of our friends, and family, I take you, Waverly Earp, to be my wife. I give you this ring as a promise to love you, respect you, cherish you, and support you as my partner, my person, and my equal. And I swear I’ll do my absolute best to make you smile as bright as you do today for the rest of our lives. I vow to be a loving and protective wife, to be open to change, and ready for every challenge that comes our way. And for as long as I live and breathe, I will be by your side. Always your shield, forever your wife.”

Wow... that was a lot. Waverly knows it’s her turn now, but she is so emotional she is afraid she might forget everything that she wanted to say. She looks down at the ring on her finger, and somehow it calms her down. Looking back up into Nicole’s beautiful brown eyes, she knows she just has to speak from her heart, and the right words will come. So she takes a deep breath to steady her voice, and then she begins.

“Nicole Haught... wow, I can’t believe this is actually happening! I’ll never forget the day you walked into Shorty’s with your uniform, and your Stetson in your hands, and confidence for days. I’d been living a life in black and white for so long that I’d forgotten what real happiness felt like. But then you smiled your beautiful bright smile at me, and it all turned into colors. You showed me that it’s okay to be ambitious, and that I should never settle for anything less than what I deserve. You gave me a choice when I thought I had none. In a world of people telling me who to be, you just asked me to be myself. You held me together when my world was falling apart, and you made me feel special, when I didn’t know who I was anymore. You... you, Nicole Haught, are extraordinary. Whenever I’m in a dark place, you light my way back to safety. You are my harbor, my anchor, my rock. I don’t have anything to give you if not unconditional love, and support. And I don’t know what the future will hold for us, but I’m not afraid. Because I know that, whatever comes next, we will face it together. Side by side as it’s always been.” Mimicking Nicole, she pauses briefly to turn and take the ring from Wynonna. And then, she continues.

“Today, I take you to be my wife, on this land that’s always been my home, because you, Nicole Rayleigh Haught, are my home. With this ring, I promise to love you, respect you and support you as my love, my equal, and my partner. I will be your shoulder to cry on, and a rock to lean on. Your number one fan, the reason for your smile, and your light in the darkness. I vow to be a loving and protective wife, to love all of your flaws and imperfections, and to stand by your side for the rest of my life. Always your angel, forever your wife.”

Tears are streaming down their faces by the time Waverly finishes talking. They turn to look at their family, and they are all crying as well. Even Bunny seems to be a little bit emotional when she takes the word to conclude the ceremony.

“Alright then. Let’s make this official!” She exclaims. “By the power vested in me by... Wynonna Earp this morning, I now pronounce you partners for life, wife and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

Waverly and Nicole don’t waste a second. Without letting go of each other’s hands, they lean in for their first of many many kisses as wives. It’s just a tender kiss, but it still conveys all the love they have just professed for one another. When they part, Nicole leans down so her forehead is resting on Waverly’s. And as they stay like that for a moment, it seems like everything else disappears, and it’s just the two of them. Their eyes are blurry with tears, and all they can see are the big bright smiles lighting up their faces. This is doubtless the happiest day of their lives. There is so much joy in their hearts right now that it feels as if they might even explode.

“My wife.” Nicole states in a dreaming tone.

“Forever.” Waverly adds.

“I love you, Waverly Earp.”

“And I love you, Nicole Haught.”

None of the rest matters. As long as they have each, there is nothing they can’t overcome. Their love has survived the most impossible situations, and it will last forever. Of that they are sure.

Always your shield, forever your wife.

Always you angel, forever your wife.

[freedom-of-writing]

Just like a cigarette

Touched by your lips,

You light me on fire,

And I can’t resist.

[freedom-of-writing]

Life turned her that way

Just a nice heart to heart between Nicole and Wynonna taking place after the intervention at the beginning of episode 4x10

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No, you have to go.”

Nicole leaves the house with a heavy heart. Today’s her first day back as sheriff. She didn’t think she had it in her to walk in those shoes again. In the past, her uniform had always made her feel strong and in control, but for 18 months all she could feel was alone, and completely lost. Wynonna went into the Garden to save Waverly, and Doc, while she had to go home, alone and broken. Literally broken. And, yes, it’s true, she wasn’t actually alone, Rachel was with her. But half her family was gone. And then Black Badge showed up, Nedley disappeared, and Jeremy went MIA. Little by little, she’d lost everything: her job, her dignity, her hope. Her heart. Waverly Earp was her heart, and she was beginning to fear she’d lost her forever. At last, she was so afraid of losing Rachel as well that she put all her strength into protecting her, to the point that it was consuming her. Growing up she had always been a loner. She was used to being independent, but here in Purgatory she had finally found a team to work and fight with. And yet in that moment, she was all alone against the world. Again. She had nobody to talk to about the darkness inside her, because Rachel was still just a kid, who’d gone through a lot herself, and she didn’t want her to deal with her own shit as well. In the end, she was so blinded by fear and despair that she couldn’t even see it was Nedley she’d been haunting for so long. And she even traded Doc to the Clantons to get Waverly back. She knew he would’ve been able to take care of himself, he always does, but still. If she weren’t so desperate, she would’ve looked for some more options for sure. She’s not the type to betray her friends and family like that. But 18 months is a long time to be alone. And she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t sleep anymore. She could barely live. The only thing keeping her going was Rachel. That kid was the only reason to get out of bed every morning, and not let herself slip away.

Nicole is about to get into her car to go to the station, when she hears some noises coming from the barn. For a second she tells herself that Wynonna needs time, and she should just leave her alone. But then a voice inside her head makes her change her mind. You might lose her again, and you didn’t even try. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she walks to the barn door, and knocks lightly calling for her friend.

“Wynonna…”

“Get back to your perfect life, Haught!” A voice answers from the inside in a very harsh tone.

Nicole ignores it, and lets herself in. Screw time, she is not going to risk losing her best friend again, not when she can try and save her. Once she’s in, she finds Wynonna sitting on her bed and playing with a bullet in her hands.

“Perfect… if you really think my life is perfect, then you don’t know me at all.”

“What do you want from me, huh?” Wynonna tries to sound annoyed, but the emotion in her voice makes her sound more broken than anything. “I thought me storming out was a clear sign of ‘intervention’s over’.”

“Wynonna, we’re just worried about you...”

“Well, you can stop worrying now because I’m fine.” The small crack in her voice made her sound all but convincing.

“Sure you are…” Nicole says with a scoff as she moves to sit on the bed next to Wynonna.

“Can you just leave, please?” Wynonna begs in the smallest of voices as tears come streaming down her face.

Nicole looks at her for a moment, and then she turns to stare at somewhere in front of her. She takes a deep breath, gathering the strength to say what she’s about to say. It’s a secret she’s been keeping from everybody, even Waverly. But maybe talking about it could help both her and Wynonna. Ignoring her friend’s request, she starts speaking.

“I wake up every day in the middle of the night and have to check on Waverly and Rachel to see if they’re still with me. I even check on you most nights.” She pauses a second, waiting for Wynonna’s reaction. She expected her to say something mean, or to tell her to leave again, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t need to turn towards her to see that her words have gotten Wynonna’s attention, and she’s now looking at her. Taking that as an invitation to continue, she takes a deep breath and she resumes her tale. “One night it was 4am and you weren’t in your bed… I panicked so bad I couldn’t breathe. Then I looked better and saw you were passed out on the floor in a corner of the barn. I didn’t want to wake you, so I got the blanket from your bed to cover you up, and then, I put the pillow under your head. The truth is, you were so out of it, I don’t think a bomb could’ve waken you. But my heart was racing so bad, my hands were shaking, and it was still hard for me to breathe. So I left you there on the floor, and went back to sleep. Well, to bed. I forced myself to stay awake. I just didn’t want to see it again.” Nicole’s voice is so small and broken when she says that last part.

Wynonna doesn’t need to see the look in her eyes to know Nicole’s lost somewhere in her mind. And by the sound of her voice, it must be a really dark place that she’s in. All of a sudden, a rush of worry hits her, because she’s never seen Nicole like this. Not even when she was vomiting frogs all over the place.

“How bad is Nicole?”

“She was alone for a really long time.”

As she recalls Rachel’s words, her attention moves from Nicole’s face down to her hand on her thigh. It’s curled up in a fist, and her nails are digging hard into the flesh of her palm. As gently as she can, Wynonna slips her hand under her friend’s forcing her own fingers into the fist. She waits for Nicole to let go of the tight grip, and when she does she clasps her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. She would like to say something to bring her friend back to reality, but she doesn’t know what to say. She has absolutely no idea what is happening inside her head, or what she meant when she said she didn’t want to see it again. But at least the touch seems to have worked because she can feel Nicole squeezing back lightly. Wynonna doesn’t push her to continue, she just waits for her to be ready to speak again. At last, with a deep breath, Nicole goes on with her story.

“I have the same nightmare every night... I’m at the homestead, it’s morning and I’m making breakfast. I go upstairs to wake Rachel up, but she’s not in her room. So I start calling out for her, but I get no answer. I start panicking as I look for her in every room of the house. But I can’t find her anywhere. She’s not there. It’s just me. I’m alone. By then, I can hardly breathe, but I still take the shotgun and start looking for her outside. I don’t know where I’m going. My eyes are blurred with tears, and my lungs are burning, but I keep running, and calling... And then suddenly I’m on Dolls’s grave. I take a step back in confusion, and I see there are other tombstones next to his. I start reading the names: you, Doc, Jeremy, Nedley... I’m afraid to look but there’s two more. Rachel... and Waverly. Then a voice comes out of nowhere: They’re all dead because you were too weak to even try to save them. They trusted you, and you did nothing to protect them. You deserve to be alone. You were never worthy of their love. I turn to see where it’s coming from, but... all I see are the ghosts of the people I love. But when I take a step towards you, you all disappear. All but Waverly. She stands there, looking at me with tears in her eyes. Why? I thought you loved me... So why didn’t you fight? She asks, and then she’s gone too.” Nicole becomes suddenly aware of the wetness on her cheeks.

“Nicole...” Wynonna tries to call her back to reality. She can hear her ragged breathing as she’s struggling to get air into her lungs. She’s never seen Nicole so broken before, and it is scaring her. She doesn’t know what to do, how to help, she’s usually the broken one.

“You’re all dead because of me...” Nicole’s voice is barely above a whisper, but Wynonna hears it loud and clear, and those words break her heart.

That’s it. She has to bring her back. She can’t take seeing her best friend like this anymore. Without letting go of Nicole’s hand, she falls onto her knees in front of her. Then she brings her free hand up to her chin to tilt her head up gently.

“Nicole, hey, look at me.” Nothing.

“Haught!” She screams this time, and at last, Nicole snaps out of it. “We’re not dead. Do you hear me? No one. Is dead.” She says staring straight into Nicole’s eyes, which are completely welled up in tears.

As gently as she can, she brushes her thumb onto her cheeks to wipe away the tears that keep streaming down her face. She can feel the tears forming in her eyes as well, but she doesn’t let them fall. She can’t cry now. Nicole needs her to be strong.

“We’re here.” Wynonna says grabbing both of Nicole’s hands and giving them a squeeze. She hopes the touch will further prove her words. “I’m here.”

She takes a sigh of relief when she sees Nicole’s eyes starting to focus on hers. She’s back.

“You can breathe now.”

And with that, Nicole slumps forward into Wynonna’s arms, sobbing hard in the crook of her neck. Everything she’s been holding back in the past 18 months, the pain, the loss, the fear, the despair... all that she’s been hiding from both Waverly and Rachel has finally come to the surface. And it’s the strangest feeling ever, because for the first time in so long, she can actually breathe again, even if the sobs are wrecking and chocking her.

“I’m here. We’re all here.” Wynonna says over and over in her ear in an attempt to calm her down.

And it is in that moment, as she holds a broken Nicole in her arms, that Wynonna makes a promise to herself and to her friends: no matter how hard it is, she will overcome this darkness inside her and she will start to take care of herself, because her family is worth staying for.

“We’re gonna be okay. I promise.”

[freedom-of-writing]

Lexie: so... tell me about our sisters. What are they like?

Mer: they’re... messed up. Just like me. And that’s probably why we love each other so much.

Lexie: as crazy as a Grey. It really does run in the family, huh?

Mer: God, I’ve missed you.

Lexie: but I’m always with you, Mer. In your heart.

Mer: I wish you could’ve met the kids. I’m sure they would’ve loved to hang out with their auntie.

Lexie: Zola wrote me a letter when you got sick. She’s so big now...

Mer: she is.

Lexie: you have to go back to them. You have to go back to them, Mer. Your kids... Amelia, Maggie... Richard... everyone in that hospital needs you.

Mer: I know.

Lexie: then what are you waiting for?

Mer: there’s someone I still need to see...

Lexie: your mom. You want to know if she’s proud?

Mer: no! I don’t know... maybe. Are you proud?

Lexie: I am SO proud of you, Meredith. Look at you! You’re one of the best general surgeons, you have three amazing kids, you keep on being a great sister, and everybody loves you.

Mer: we didn’t even get to say goodbye...

Lexie: we can say goodbye now. Meredith... I love you so much. And I promise you I’ll be here when you come back - which won’t be for a very long time - but you have to go now. I got Mark, and Derek, and my mom... we’re okay. We’re happy here, but your happiness is waiting for you in the real world. Go.

Mer: okay... I love you!

Lexie: I know.

[freedom-of-writing]

A Wynonna Earp minific:

(Post WayHaught proposal)

As Waverly and Nicole are still beaming in each other’s arms, Wynonna slips out of the house. She‘s happy for them, she really is, but she‘s just not in the mood right now. Plus, she doesn’t want to ruin the moment with her stupid problems.

“Hey! They’re not stupid if they make you feel bad.”

A little Waverly inside her head says as she drops down on her bed. Burying her face in the pillow, she finally lets go of the tears she’s been trying so hard to push back, so that the others wouldn’t see them.

She doesn’t know how she stays like that, crying her heart out. But after a while, she hears Nedley and Jeremy leaving the Homestead and bidding the others good night.

“Good night!“ Waverly and Rachel say cheerfully in unison.

Wynonna does not hear Nicole’s voice, though. Weird. But she assumes the redhead must’ve stayed inside where it’s warmer. But there she is, a moment later, entering Wynonna’s “room” without knocking first.

Wynonna sits up quickly, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. But it’s too late, and her puffy eyes cannot hide what’s happened.

“Haught, jeez! Didn’t they teach you to knock before entering someone’s room?!” She exclaims as she keeps wiping away the remaining tears from her cheeks.

“What... I thought it was against the rules of house...” Nicole jokes.

Wynonna gives her a look, but it’s not very convincing since a small smile forms on her face.

Nicole smiles back at her lovingly, and she walks towards the bed.

“I come bearing cheering up beers.” She states mimicking what Wynonna had told the day before and showing her the two bottles she‘s holding in her hand.

“Shouldn’t you be having some Haught sex with your fiancée right now?”

“We got a whole lifetime for that. I’d rather be with you right now.” Nicole says as she sits down on the bed beside Wynonna, who turns away.

She’s still getting used to the idea of having a best friend who cares for her.

Since Wynonna doesn’t show any intention to look back at her, Nicole takes her hand into hers and she gives it a comforting squeeze. Then, she asks: “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“How do you do it?” Wynonna asks as she finally turns to look at her friend. Her blue eyes are welling up with tears all over again.

Nicole gives her a confused look, so Wynonna continues.

“How do you and Waverly make love look so easy? For better or worse, you never turn your backs on each other. But Doc and I...” Wynonna shakes her head and a few tears run down her cheeks.

“Hey...” Nicole stops her placing her hand under Wynonna’s chin. As gently as she can, she turns Wynonna’s head to face her. Then, she moves her hand up to her cheek to wipe away the tears with her thumb.

When she lowers her hand, she continues. “Look. I’m not saying it’s gonna be okay. I’m just saying that... I’m here.”

At those words Wynonna feels her heart skip a bit, because that’s exactly what Waverly had told her when she was pregnant.

“I got you, Earp.” Nicole adds to further prove her point. “I swear, I’ve got you.”

And with that, Nicole wrap her arm around Wynonna’s shoulder as her friend lies down sobbing onto her lap.

[freedom-of-writing]

(In)correct Wynonna:

Rachel: Mommy and daddy had their lunch all over it...

Wynonna: Really, right where I eat my salad?! Couldn’t they have gone upstairs?

Rachel: Oh they did it up the stairs too.

Wynonna: ... That’s it, we’re out! C’mon, let’s go!

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8 - Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

Chapter 9 - The Conclave

Chapter 10: The City of Light

Chapter 11: Swim Away From Reality

Chapter 12: Not Good Enough

Chapter 13: The Ascension Ceremony

Chapter 14: Clarke vs. Pike

Every night, for a week, Clarke goes back to the City of Light. She keeps her promise and never lets Lexa have to star gaze all alone on that roof again. Well, at least not for seven days, because on the eighth one Clarke is too busy packing her staff to even bother getting some sleep at all. It’s been decided that, after the week of celebrations in honor of the new Heda, Abby, Clarke and Marcus should go back to Arkadia just like any other clan leader is going back to their lands. Why does Clarke have to go as well, you might be wondering? It’s not that she has to actually. To be honest she would much rather stay in Polis by Aden’s side, but both him and Lexa have convinced her to take the opportunity to go visit her people and her friends for a while. So, here she is now, packing her things to go back “home” for a few days. The truth is, she feels more like she’s getting ready to leave for hell rather than to go to the place where she used to belong. On the bright side, though, this trip could be the perfect chance to ask Jaha for more chips to give to the Natblida so they can see Lexa as well. She’ll never forget the way Aden’s face lit up when she shared the idea with him. That was the moment Clarke promised herself not to come back home empty-handed, because she could never stand disappointing his expectations.

“Honey, you ready?” Abby says as she enters Clarke’s room without knocking.

“Yeah, let me just... I just need...” Clarke utters as she looks around the room desperately searching for something she might’ve forgotten to pack.

It is clearly just an excuse, and Abby knows it. “Clarke, you know that you don’t have to come with us if you don’t want to. Marcus and I understand if you want to stay here with the kids.”

“No. No, I... I have to do this now. Otherwise I’ll never be able to leave this place again. Just give me a moment. There’s just one last thing that I’m missing and then I’m ready. I promise.” Clarke concludes when she realizes there’s actually something she’s missing.

“Ok. We’ll be by the entrance, then.” Abby waits for Clarke’s nod before turning and leaving the room.

As soon as Abby’s out, Clarke takes her two bags and exits her room as well. What she needs is in Lexa’s- No, not Lexa’s anymore... What she needs is in Aden’s room, so that’s where she’s headed. The whole week, she’s been trying to avoid that room as much as possible, because every time she stands in front of its door, all of her memories of Lexa come back to haunt her, and she feels like she can’t breathe. Gathering all her strength, Clarke comes to a stop in front of said door. With a deep breath, she steps forward to knock on the door. She doeasn’t want to go in without Aden’s permission, but she gets no response from the boy. Aden must be in the throne room or outside training, Clarke imagines, so she just let’s herself not bothering the hard stare that the two guards standing outside are giving her. Clarke knows what she needs and she even knows where to find it, but the moment the door closes behind her back, she’s petrified. She can’t move, she can’t breathe, and she’s not even sure whether her heart is still beating.

“I guess you’re here to take this, right?” Clarke jumps, startled by the sudden voice coming from behind her. As she turns to face whoever is standing by the door, she instinctively takes out her gun.

“Woah, hey, it’s just me.” Aden says as he quickly puts down Lexa’s armor to raise his hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“When... how...?” Clarke stutters as she lowers the gun.

“I entered the room right after you. I saw you from the corridor, and I imagined you came looking for this.” Aden begins to explain as he takes hold of Lexa’s armor again. “I thought I might come in and check if you needed any help with it.” When he’s done explaining, Aden offers the armor to Clarke, but the woman doesn’t move.

That’s when he notices there are tears running down Clarke’s cheeks. Aden doesn’t need her to explain what’s wrong, he knows the answer all too well. He feels the same way every time he enters his new room. He’s lost count of how many tears he swallowed back in the past week. Slowly, he moves to go lay the armor on his bed, and then he walks back to Clarke. When he’s standing beside her, he reaches down to grab Clarke’s hand. After giving it a gentle squeeze, he turns his face to stare into the space around them, imitating Clarke.

“This place doesn’t feel the same without her.” He states with a sigh.

“Yeah... many things don’t feel the same without her.” Clarke whispers as she leans her head to rest on the boy’s shoulder.

They stay like that for a minute, until Clarke remembers her mom and Kane are waiting for her. Then she moves away from Aden to go and put on Lexa’s armor. When she’s done lacing it, she takes a moment to stare at her image into the mirror. Behind her shoulders, she can Aden’s smiling face, and she can’t help but smile herself.  

“Try and behave while I’m gone, Heda.” Clarke jokes as she gives Aden a quick peck on the cheek.  

“I’m not the one who’s known for misbehaving, Wanheda.” He jokes right back as Clarke walks to the door.  “Try not to get yourself into many troubles, will you?” he mocks again, gaining a fake laughter from Clarke.

“Ah, ah. Very funny, young man.”

“Clarke...” his voice stops her before she can fully exit the room.

Clarke hums in question, and so, he continues. “I mean it. Don’t do anything stupid. Please. I couldn’t stand it if I lost someone else.”

Clarke smiles at him lovingly before promising to be careful. “I won’t. I promise.” And with that she leaves the room to go meet her mom and Kane.

---------------------------------------------------------------

After hours of riding, Clarke is pretty tired, but she’s also really eager to see her friends. For most of the journey, she couldn’t help but thinking of Aden and the other kids, but as they are getting closer to Arkadia her thoughts are shifting more and more on her friends. The last time she was with them, Lexa had just died, and she was completely out of it. But now she’s doing much better. And she’s pretty sure a break from being a leader wouldn’t be so bad. She’s still just a girl after all, and she needs to have some fun with her friends every once in a while. Unfortunately, though, her plan of partying and having a good time with her friends is put aside as soon as they reach Arkadia. A Council meeting is called upon their arrival, and once again duty calls.

Apparently, the representatives of the various stations couldn’t wait for the next day to be informed on the new Commander in charge of the Coalition. So, here they are, gathered around a long table, waiting for Kane’s accurate account of everything that has happened in Polis ever since the Conclave.

"Members of the Council, I am happy to announce that the new Commander is well-disposed, and just like Lexa, he wants his legacy to be nothing but peace." Kane barely has time to conclude his statement that Pike is already shouting his objections.

"Please, Lexa's legacy was never peace! That's what she wanted us to believe! But we all know the truth: the grounders are savages, and the only way we can survive on this Earth is by taking control!" some members of the Council start cheering in agreement, but their exultation is soon interrupted by the sound of another loud voice.

"Oh yeah, cuz we’d be so much better at controlling the whole territory! Peace has always been our specialty, hasn’t it?!" Clarke shouts in a sarcastic tone while her mother tries worthlessly to stop her.

"Clarke..."

"No, mom!" Clarke stops her, not giving Abby the time to ask her to calm down.

There's no way she's staying quiet as Pike talks shit about Lexa and Aden! Plus, what the man is saying is completely insane, and she has to try and talk some sense into him and his followers.

“Can we at least try and be civil about this? Please.” Abby asks both her daughter and the rest of the representatives.

Clarke is still fuming, but she knows her mother’s right. Shouting and arguing won’t get them anywhere. If she wants to defend Lexa’s legacy of peace, she needs to be willing to have a peaceful discussion with her people. With a deep breath she calms herself down, before speaking again. This time in a calm and controlled manner. “Look, what I’m saying is that you need to think this through. You really wanna throw yourselves into a fight you cannot win? The grounders know these lands like the back of their hands, this is their home. But what about us? We’re outnumbered, and we don’t know the lands. There could be traps anywhere, and we wouldn’t even see them coming. There's no way we’d make it out of that war alive."

"So, what do you suggest, kiddo?" Pike spits out. If his intentions are to upset Clarke, it’s definitively working. "We just do as they say like good allies? What assurance do we have that this new Commander won't betray us like the last one?"

“Lexa’s already made up for what happened at Mount Weather. Or did you forget what happened during the war against the Ice Nation? Wasn’t that enough proof of her loyalty?” Clarke asks trying her best not to lose her temper.

"Proof of her loyalty?" Pike accompanies these words with an amused laughter. "She betrayed one of her clans to protect another.”

“Ok, first of all, it was Azgeda who betrayed her, and all of the Coalition, by attacking us. Lexa’s never betrayed anyone; she just did what every other Commander would’ve done: protect the majority of her people.”

“You see, Clarke, at the end of the day, the Ice Nation... Lexa... the new Commander… They're all grounders.” Pike looks directly at the representatives who are on his side before concluding. “They're all the same. Savages who don't care about anything other than their own survival!" He shouts the last part gaining murmurs of approval from the others.

It’s clear he’s trying to get some kind of reaction from Clarke. He’s provoking her on purpose, but she knows better than to give him the satisfaction of seeing her losing control again.

"And do you think Skaikru is any different?" Clarke asks calmly, making sure to make eye contact with everyone in the room, because she wants them all to see the truth. "You just said you want to take control, because you think that’s our only chance at surviving." She finishes staring straight into Pike's eyes.

"On the Ark, we did unspeakable things to survive. Think about how many people were floated, how many kids were arrested, or how many families were destroyed. And ever since landing on Earth, we’ve gotten even worse. Hundreds of Grounders died at our hands, and you know that. We are just as savage as they are when it comes to ensuring our survival.” Clarke is both glad and surprised to hear these words coming from Kane. A little support is exactly what she needs.

"And without those savages, as you like to call them, we wouldn't have made it in the fight against Nia's army. If it weren’t for Lexa and her army, there’d be no Sky People left." Abby jumps in as well to show her support against Pike and his friends.

Clarke can’t help but smile widely at her mother for trying and defending Lexa’s honor. She’s glad not only has Abby finally accepted her love for Lexa, but she’s also loving her herself, in her own kind of way.

The room grows quiet, but it’s only a moment before Pike speaks again. "Almost all of my people were killed by the grounders inside Mount Weather, I won't-"

"Ok, let me stop you right there!” Clarke stops him before he can finish. “Again, it was the Ice Nation, and not the whole Coalition. You can't punish all the grounders for the actions of one clan only. If anyone is to blame for those deaths, it’s Queen Nia. And in that case, justice has already been made. She's dead. It's over." Clarke does her best to remain calm, but his attitude is really getting on her nerves.

"Oh, I have just begun to make justice for my people. But don't worry, little girl…" Pike mocks her once again, making her want to wipe away that smile from his face with one fierce slap. But at Kane and Abby’s silent request, she lets him finish. "I have no intention of hurting innocent people. I'll just kill this Commander. And the next. And the one after that. Just like I did with Lexa."

If Clarke wasn’t too shocked to react, he would’ve definitely gotten a knife straight through his heart. She can tell everyone in the room is now staring at her, but she’s paralyzed. To be honest, she’s not even sure whether her heart is beating or not. Although the worried look on her mother’s face let’s her know that she must’ve gone pretty white.

Seeing as Clarke doesn’t show any sign of reaction, Pike uses the opportunity to conclude. "Without a leader keeping them together, the clans will destroy themselves, and I won't have to do a thing to take control of all of those people."

He can barely finish the sentence that Clarke throws herself at him. She’s holding Lexa’s knife fiercely in her hand, and if it weren’t for her mother and Kane’s hold on her, she would’ve stabbed him already.

"You son of a bitch! How could you?! She was here fighting for our people! She was protecting us!" Clarke yells as she struggles to free herself. "Let go of me! Let me go! He deserves to die!” She keeps shouting.

"Clarke..." Abby tries to calm her down pointlessly.

"Guards! Arrest this traitor!" Kane orders as Clarke keeps screaming, and shouting, and kicking furiously. "Abby, please, get her out of here." Marcus asks. “Joseph, help her, please.” He demands to another guard when he sees how much Abby is struggling to keep a hold on her daughter.

"No! Let go of me! I'm not going anywhere!" Clarke tries to fight against those two strong arms forcing her out of the room, but the man is way stronger than she is, and all she can do is yell at Pike one last promise as they are both taken away. "This isn’t over! I will come for you, and I will kill you! Blood must have blood!"

With that the meeting is called to an end, and everyone leaves the room. Kane goes to make sure Pike is put in an isolation cell, while Abby follows her daughter to her old room. By the time they get there, Clarke is no longer screaming nor kicking, but her mother can tell she’s still fuming with rage. That’s why she offers

“I think it’s best if I stay with you for tonight…” Abby knows all too well that Clarke is actually capable of killing Pike, especially now that she’s so angry. That’s why she wants to stay with her, to make sure she doesn’t do anything she’s going to regret later.

But Clarke isn’t having it, and she practically kicks her out of the room. "Leave me alone! Get out!"

“Clarke…”

“I said get out!”

Clarke needs some time and space, Abby understands that. It’s just that she’s worried about what her daughter is going to do with that time and space. But she also doesn’t want to upset her any more, so with a defeated sigh she leaves the room.

As soon as Abby’s gone, Clarke lets go of any control she had left. Anything within her reach becomes the object of her outburst. She literally pours out her anger all over the room, throwing and smashing everything around her. When, at last, she runs out of object to destroy, she stops at the center of the room to take a look around. The mess around her matches the mess that she is right now. She’s breathing heavily, and she can feel the tears forming in her eyes.

I'll just kill this Commander. And the next. And the one after that. Just like I did with Lexa.

Pike’s words resonate in her head, as she falls down on her knees and starts sobbing. The scene is so heart-wrenching even a heart of stone would break at that sight. But unlike when she was sobbing over Lexa’s dead body, this time it’s angry tears that are falling down her cheeks. She's angry because Lexa was there to protect her people, and one of them killed her. She's angry because it was all her fault: if it wasn’t for her, Lexa’s would’ve never chosen to protect Skaikru. She's angry because, had she paid more attention, maybe she could've seen it coming, and she could've stopped Pike before he could do anything. She's angry because how is that fair that he gets to live and Lexa doesn't? She's just… so angry. With everything and everyone.

----------------------------------------------------------------

No one comes to disturb her until the next morning. Clarke is still curled up in her bed when she hears someone unlocking the door. Of course, they’ve locked her in. She was so upset last night she didn't even notice the door was locked as soon as her mother left the room. When the door finally opens, she doesn’t move. She’s facing away, but she stills recognizes her mother by the sound of her footsteps.

“I got you something for breakfast…” Abby says as she sits on the bed next to Clarke.

“I’m not hungry.” Clarke states as she finally sits up to look at her mother. She can tell Abby is trying to decide whether or not she should insist, and she’s glad when her mother puts the tray aside and gets up.

Clarke looks at her silently as her mother starts cleaning up the mess in the room. She’s glad Abby doesn’t ask her what happened, although she guesses it’s because her mom already knows. It’s the thing about mothers, right? They can always read through their kids. Or so they say. In reality, there are so many things they don’t understand. But this time Abby understands all too well. It’s no news that Clarke was angry and upset the night before.

After 10 minutes of work, everything is back into place, and all the fragments of the smashed objects have been put into a bin by the door. When she’s done tidying up, Abby takes a look around the room with a satisfied expression, and then she goes to sit in a chair beside Clarke's bed.

"There was supposed to be a Council meeting this morning to decide Pike's fate. But Marcus and I suggested it should be you to choose what to do with him." Abby doesn’t sound very convinced then she utters the last part, and Clarke guesses it’s because she already knows what her choice will be.

"I said I would kill him, mom. And I meant it. He killed Lexa." Her voice cracks when she says this last part.

"There are many ways for him to pay for what he did, Clarke."

"Blood must have blood."

"That's one of the options.” Abby moves to sit on the bed and she gently takes hold of Clarke's hand before continuing. “But... Is it really the one you wanna go for? Clarke, if you kill him, you’ll be just as bad as he is. And it won't make the pain go away."

"Well, maybe I don't wanna be better than he is." Clarke says as her eyes fill up with tears.

"Clarke..."

"I've tried to be the good guy, mom. Ever since we got here, it’s all I’ve been doing. I've always considered death and murder to be the last option, and look where it got me. Every single time, I ended up paying the price for my benevolence. So, what's the point of being good and merciful if it only brings you pain and loss?" She's not even sure whether the question is for her mother or for herself.

"And what's the point of vengeance then? Doesn’t it only bring around pain and loss as well? It won't bring you peace, that's for sure." Abby pauses a moment waiting for Clarke to meet her eyes again before continuing. "Killing Pike won't give you Lexa back. And you'd only be adding one more person to the list of people who've died because of you."

"But at least he deserves it!” Clarke cries out as a tear falls down her cheek. “Lexa's dead, mom! She's dead because of him! How is it fair that he gets to live and she doesn't?!"

"But that's the problem with life, honey. It doesn't give a shit about fair. Things happen… people die... and the good and innocent ones happen to die more often than the bad ones actually.” She stops a moment to wipe away a tear from Clarke’s face. “Clarke… life isn’t fair. But it also gives us a choice when something bad happens to us. We can choose to remain good, or we can become just as bad as the ones who've wronged us."

Abby can tell her daughter is still not fully convinced, so she tries with the one thing she knows will get to her for sure. "Look, why don't you ask Lexa?" As she was hoping, Lexa's name seems to do the trick, and she can see Clarke is now giving her her full attention. "You can still go to the City of Light, right? Then why don't you ask Lexa what we should do with Pike? If anyone deserves to make that choice, it’s her. She's the one Pike killed. You wanted a fair payback? Well, I think it's more than fair to let her be the one to choose how he's supposed to pay for his crime. Don’t you agree?"

Clarke hesitates for a moment, but Abby can tell she's actually considering this last option. And she reads the decision in her eyes before Clarke can even voice it out loud.

"Okay. I'll talk to her."

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8 - Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

Chapter 9 - The Conclave

Chapter 10: The City of Light

Chapter 11: Swim Away From Reality

Chapter 12: Not Good Enough

Chapter 13: The Ascension Ceremony

In the main square of Polis, the crowd is already waiting for the arrival of their new Heda. Everyone is standing in front of a large platform built for the occasion. On the platform, there are 13 chairs, one for each member of the Coalition, placed on the right and on the left of the Commander's throne. They're positioned in a wide semicircle, and the leaders are already sat in their places, waiting for Aden to make his way up. Actually, all the leaders except for Marcus Kane. Technically, he’s the one supposed to represent Skaikru, but both him and Abby have decided to let Clarke take his place for the occasion. They thought Aden could use the support of a friend during the ceremony.

Since Clarke was with Aden when Titus came for him, she didn't have time to precede him to the main square. So, pushing her way through the crowd, Clarke manages to reach the platform just before Aden does, gaining a suspicious look from everyone as she takes her seat. Thankfully, though, Aden climbing up the platform brings everyone’s attention back on him, and no one makes comments about her being late. As soon as Aden is standing in front of them, all the leaders move from their seats to kneel down before their commander. At that Aden responds with a small bow of his head, which counts both as greeting and as permission for them to get back up. When everyone is back on their feet, Aden turns around to face the crowd, who is clapping and cheering for him.

It’s time for his ascension speech. The boy does his best to look stoic, but Clarke can tell he’s quite nervous. Taking a deep breath, Aden raises his hand to ask for attention. As soon as the square grows quiet, he begins. "People of the 13 clans, it is an honor for me to be standing here as your new Commander. I feel even more honored to be given the chance to continue what Lexa has started. She was by far the greatest leader we've ever had. I think we can all agree on that. Lexa kom Trikru was a visionary: she believed traditions are important, but she also wasn’t afraid of changing them for a greater good. During her time as Commander she managed to unify all of us under one Coalition. Enemies became allies, and together we became stronger. Lexa was wise, compassionate, strong, and she wasn’t afraid of making the hard decisions. I can't promise to be an equally great leader, but everything I know about leadership I've learned from her. And I do promise you that I will do all my best to rule as smartly as she has." As the crowd cheers, Aden pauses and turns to look at Clarke with a smile on his face. Clarke doesn't understand the meaning of that smile until he continues.

"Wisdom, compassion, and strength. These are the three pillars of being a commander. That's what every Natblida is taught during their training to become Heda. But there’s one more pillar Lexa taught us by her example: that of love. Our oldest traditions say that to be Commander is to be alone, but that’s not true.” No one makes a noise this time when he pauses. They're listening carefully to see where he's going with this.

“We are just kids when we're taken away from our families. Our lives, our friends, our homes. All of that is left behind, and we're left with nothing but ourselves when we get here in Polis. The tower becomes our new home then. The Commander and Fleimkipa become our guides. Somewhat like our parents. The other Nightbloods become our family and friends. That love is what keeps us going, what gives us the strength to live away from our dear ones, and what makes us work hard to be ready to take command one day. A Natblida is never alone, and neither should be a Heda.” This time light murmurs fill the crowd, and Aden needs to raise his hand to have everyone’s attention again.

“I know you must be wondering why I’m telling you all this. It's simple, really. As your new Commander, my first action is to change those traditions. From now on, love is going to be the first pillar of being a commander, and leaders will no longer be judged unfit to command just because they've opened their hearts to another person. A commander who wants to marry will be allowed to do that. Because no one can be a good leader without knowing the notion of love. Do you know why Lexa was so much better than any other leader before her? Because she understood love is not weakness, and she loved her people more than anything. And so will I.” With that Aden turns away from the crowd to face the clan leaders who are still standing behind him.

Everyone in the crowd is looking at him in silence, wondering what else he’s going to do. The leaders look confused, and a bit worried. Changing the traditions won’t be easy, Aden knows it. But he has to do it for Lexa, for himself, and for all the leaders to come. So, with a deep breath, he does what no other commander has publicly done before him: he bows to his people. The clan leaders look at him in shock. Clarke is the only one who doesn’t seem surprised, but that’s because she’s lived this moment before. With Lexa.

As if the scene alone wasn’t already bringing back all the memories of that day, Aden begins to utter the exact same words as Lexa. But this time they are directed to all the clan leaders and not just to her. "I swear fealty to you, members of the Coalition. I vow to treat your needs as my own. And your people as my people."

When he's done, Aden remains knelt down and moves his gaze up to look at Clarke. He knows how much those words mean for her. He knows Lexa said them before him, because it was Clarke herself who has told him about the vow, and how Lexa had bowed before her. So, he is not surprised to find tears running downs Clarke’s cheeks, just like he's not surprised when she moves forward to help him up to his feet. Aden doesn't hesitate before taking her hand. It's not a sign of weakness, not anymore.

"Heda." Clarke addresses him with his new title when he’s back on her eye level, and then she bows to him. It feels a bit off to be calling that someone other than Lexa, but she’s going to have to get used to it. Even though acknowledging Aden is the new Commander makes Lexa’s death even more real. It is like coming to the realization that the world has moved on, while she is still having a hard time coming to terms with the truth. Because, honestly, how do you move on from the love of your life?

As Clarke kneels down right in front of Aden, all the other clan leaders follow her cue and bowing to their new Heda. When the formalities are over, Clarke and Aden move to their seats, and them and the leaders sit down on their chairs. That's when the crowd explodes into loud cheers and applauses for their new young leader. Aden doesn't stop them this time, and he just waits for everyone to calm down and grow quite again. When silence takes over the main square, Titus moves on the platform to announce the ceremony is over, and to invite everyone to the feast in celebration of Aden’s ascension.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right after the ceremony he had to perform his duties. First, the feast, where basically all of his people came to congratulate him one at a time. So, pretty much he spent two hours watching everyone eating and drinking, while all he could do was waving, smiling, and nodding in appreciation of people’s respects. Then, he had to take part in four different meetings, without any break to go get something in his stomach. After that, there was the paperwork, an incredible amount of paperwork that needed to be done. It's impressive how Lexa made it all seem so easy, while in reality it's mostly boring and exhausting.

Even meals are boring apparently. When he finally gets the chance to eat something at the end of the day, he finds himself all alone in the big dining room. The only company he has is that of a servant who brings him the dishes, without ever uttering a single word. This was just his first day as Commander, but Aden already misses the good old times when he'd eat with the Nightbloods, or with Clarke and Lexa. Speaking of Lexa, if only she could be here to help him out a little. When he comes to theory, he knows everything about leading the Coalition, but on more practical terms he still finds himself a bit at a loss. Imagining what Lexa would do in his position is helpful, but it would be so much better if he actually got the chance to ask her for advice.

He's so tired by the time he finishes his dinner, he doesn’t even realize he's going the wrong way and, instead of heading to his quarters, he's going to his old room. It’s the sound of loud laughter that brings him back to reality, and that's when he recognizes where he's standing at. For a moment, he considers turning away and going to his new room, but the voices of his friends convince him to knock on the door and get inside. As soon as he steps into the room, all the kids rush to him to bring him into a tight group hug. They're all cheering and congratulating him, and Aden is so moved by their words that he's only seconds away from crying.

"Hey, guys. How was your day?" Aden asks, swallowing back his tears.

"How was our day?! You mean how was your day, Heda!" Skye interjects excitedly.

"Well… let's just say I've had one hell of a day." He jokes, making everyone chuckle.

"I bet you did."

“Clarke.” Aden says surprised to find her there. Somehow, he’s missed her presence when he got into the room. And not just hers apparently. Marcus and Abby are there as well.

"We were just having a nice chat with the kids, but we can leave now." Kane says when he notices Aden's surprised look. None of them were expecting the boy to come over, honestly, but he understands he must've wanted to be with his family after the long day he had.

"Oh, no, it's fine. You can stay. We can chat altogether." And with that everyone goes back to sit on the floor.

They talk for hours about everything and anything, and when everyone but the adults, Clarke and Aden have fallen asleep, Abby and Kane leave to go back to their room. Carefully, Clarke and Aden put all the kids into their beds before sitting together on what used to be Aden's one. They stay quiet for a long time, the boy's head resting on Clarke’s shoulder. At last, it is Aden to break the silence.

"I really miss her, you know?" He whispers, knowing Clarke understands perfectly who he is talking about. "I just wish she were still here to show me what is the right thing to do."

"Yeah… I get that feeling a lot too." Clarke hesitates a moment before asking. "If... If I told you I saw her... Like, last night... Would you believe me?"

Aden raises his head and turns to look at her directly in the eyes to see if she's playing with him or something. But Clarke is looking at him in all seriousness, so he responds with a curious rise of his eyebrow.

"But… how's that even possible?"

"With a chip...” Aden gives her a very confused look, so she tries to explain. “It's a sort of key to another world, a virtual reality where there is no death. Look, it's difficult to explain, but it-"

"What… You mean like some sort of vision in your dreams?" He interrupts, trying to understand.

"Well... Yeah, sort of..."

"And what did she say?"

"That she's proud of you." Of course, Clarke knows exactly the kind of answer Aden is looking for. "Aden, you can't even imagine how proud she was to know you are the new commander."

"And what about the Conclave? Was she mad that we went against the rules to save the kids?”

"No. Not even a little." Clarke smiles remembering Lexa's words. "Actually, she told me she's always wanted to change those stupid rules, and she was really glad no one had to die in the Conclave." Her smile turns into worry when she notices Aden's eyes are filled with unshed tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it’s… it’s stupid.” Aden says turning away in shame.

“Is it though?”

“It’s just that... I don't wanna disappoint her." He states looking back at Clarke and with a voice so small it makes Clarke emotional as well. In this moment, she realizes that Aden might be the Commander, but he’s also still just a kid.

"Aden..." She doesn't know what to say so she just moves forward to embrace him in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry..."

"Mmh?" She hums questioningly.

"I'm sorry if I'll ever disappoint you in the future. Any of you. I really want to be a good Heda for all of my people."

"And you will be. I know you'll make us nothing but proud." She says before breaking the hug to kiss Aden lovingly on his forehead. "Get some sleep now, Heda. It's been a long day."

"Will you stay with me?" He sounds so much like a little kid tonight rather than a Commander of 13 clans.

"Always." She whispers lowering both of them to a lying position on the bed. “Reshop, Heda.”

“Reshop, Clarke.”

Aden is fast asleep before Clarke can even cover the both of them with some blankets. When she sets her head on the pillow next to his, she can't help but smile at the sight of his peaceful sleeping face. Suddenly, she becomes aware of just how tired she is as well, so she lets sleep take over her features. But of course, there’s one last thought on her mind before sleep overcomes her.

Lexa.

Reshop, ai hodness.

Chapter 14: Clarke vs. Pike

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8 - Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

Chapter 9 - The Conclave

Chapter 10: The City of Light

Chapter 11: Swim Away From Reality

Chapter 12: Not Good Enough

Many minutes pass before Clarke stops sobbing, and leans back from her mother’s hold to wipe her eyes and cheeks. Abby still doesn't ask. Instead, she just follows Clarke’s every move, waiting patiently for her to be ready to explain what happened.

That morning, she and Kane entered Lexa’s former room to call Clarke. Aden needed to move in, so she had to leave the room. Once inside, they couldn’t find Clarke anywhere, until they noticed the door leading to the balcony was open. As they imagined, Clarke was outside. The first thing Abby noticed was that her daughter looked quite peaceful in her sleep, something which hadn’t happened in a while. She felt bad at the idea of having to wake her up, but she had no choice. As soon as she put her hand on Clarke’s arm to shake her awake, Abby felt her skin was ice-cold, and she guessed Clarke must’ve spent the whole night on that balcony. Of course, her mother's instinct instantly kicked in, and she became extremely worried for Clarke’s health. That worry soon turned into panic when Clarke didn't respond to any of her calls, until she started shouting for her to wake up. That's when Abby's voice managed to reach Clarke and Lexa in the City of Light. And that’s when Clarke finally came back to consciousness. Unfortunately, Abby’s relief at seeing her daughter’s eyes staring up at her didn’t last long, and it soon turned into great concern when Clarke broke down in her arms.

"Sorry." Is all Clarke can say when she's done drying her face from her shed tears.

When she brings her eyes up to meet her mother's, she can tell that Abby is in need of an explanation on what's going on with her. Although Clarke isn’t ready to tell her everything yet, she knows her mother won't back down till she knows the reason why her daughter is so upset. So, she takes a deep breath to gather her strength, and then she starts explaining

"I..." She stops when she realizes her mother and Kane are going to think she's mad if she tells them the truth. "You'll think I'm crazy..."

"I won't. I promise." Abby takes Clarke's hand into hers gently, giving it a light and reassuring squeeze. "Just tell me what happened." And with that she sits down in front of her daughter.

When Clarke moves her gaze up to look at Kane, he takes it as his queue to go and give them some space, so he starts to make it for the door to go back inside. It takes Clarke a second to understand the man misunderstood her intentions.

"Wait. You can stay if you want to..." Clarke waits for him to nod and sit next to Abby, and then she starts to talk.

"I was with Lexa..." She says barely above a whisper. She stares down at the floor as she says those words, too afraid to meet the others’ eyes. And not just because she knows they must be staring questioningly at her right now, but mostly because tears are forming in her eyes again, and she doesn't want them to notice.

"When... When I was about to leave Arkadia after Lexa's... After her..." The only idea of saying the word 'death' next to Lexa’s name makes her choke on her own words. She takes a moment to swallow the lump forming in her throat, and then she continues. "Jaha came to me and gave me this... chip. He said I'd be able to see Lexa again if I swallowed it... That it would take me to a virtual reality called 'City of Light', where there's no death."

She pauses a moment, both to wipe away the tears falling down her cheeks and to see if Abby and Kane are still following what she's saying. They seem confused, but none of them says anything, so she continues. "I didn't wanna believe him. I… I couldn't do that. I couldn't allow myself to build my hopes up. And I don't know what stopped me from getting rid of the chip straight away, but I kept it with me all this time. Last night I... I just missed her so much." Her voice cracks, and she takes a moment to inhale deeply to regain some control.

"I had to see her again. I was falling apart for good, and she was the only one who could put my pieces back together. That's when I remembered I still had the chip. Jaha said I just needed to swallow it and focus my mind on who I wanted to see. So I did. I know it sounds crazy, but he wasn't lying. It actually works. I went to the City of Light, or rather my mind did. I'm still not sure how it works exactly. All I know is that I was able to see Lexa again. I saw her again, mom." Clarke's crying again when she raises her gaze to look straight into her mother's eyes. "I saw her." And once again, she falls into Abby's arms, sobbing.  

Clarke stays there, in her mother's warm embrace, for what feels like forever. And when she believes she's shed all the tears she had left, she lets her mom and Kane lead her back inside. As Clarke is busy cleaning her face and combing her hair, Kane leaves the room to give mother and daughter some space. Once Clarke is done, Abby helps her change into some clean clothes, and she even offers to braid her hair. Clarke used to love it as a kid, especially when she was nervous for whatever reason. Abby’s gentle fingers running through her hair and massaging her scalp were the only thing able to relax her in those moments. She could literally spend hours with her mom playing with her hair, if only Abby had that much time to spend with her.

That perfect moment between the two of them is interrupted as soon as Titus storms into the room. He doesn’t even bother to knock, so his entrance completely startles the two women.

"Titus. What the hell?!"

“Aren’t you Grounders used to knocking before entering a room?” Abby’s question is completely ignored by Titus, who walks straight to Clarke.

"Wanheda. I need your help with Aden."

"Aden? What's wrong with Aden?" Clarke asks worriedly.

"He won't tell me. But he might open up to you.” Clarke can help but enjoy how hard it is for Titus to say those words, but she chooses not to make a remark on it. “Can you just go talk to him? Beja." Well, that's new. Titus begging her means it must be a real emergency, because Clarke knows he would rather die than ask for her help. Especially when it comes to the Natblidas.

"Alright. I'll go see him...” She’s starts walking towards the door, but then she realizes she has absolutely no idea where to go find the boy. “Where is he?"

"Throne room."

"Right.” Of course, he’s there. He’s the Commander after all. “I'll see what I can do."

"Mochof." And with that Titus leaves the room just as quickly as he came in.

"I gotta..." Clarke starts, pointing towards the door to make her mom understand she’s got to go.

"Yeah, of course. I guess I'll see you at the ceremony then." Abby gives her daughter a quick hug, and then they both leave the room.  

As her mother is walking down the corridor, Clarke stops just outside the open door. She takes a moment to take everything in one last time. When she’ll be back the room will be empty, and all of Lexa’s stuff will be gone. It's hard to picture somebody else walking this floor and laying in that bed, or even to imagine someone else gazing at the stars from the balcony or looking down on the city. With a sad sigh she closes the door, and leaves to go find Aden.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Aden." Clarke calls for him as she enters the throne room.

Aden is standing there, in the middle of the room, with his back to the door. Clarke doesn’t need to see his face to know that something is bothering him.

"What's wrong?" She asks worriedly as she comes to stand by his side, still unable to look him in the eyes.

"What if I'm not fit to be the new Heda? What if people think I'm not good enough to be their leader? I'm still just a kid, Clarke." His tone is very sad, and so is the look in his eyes when he finally turns to look at Clarke.

"Wasn’t Lexa just a kid too when she became commander? Aden, you’ve been training with Lexa and Titus for years, there’s no one more fit than you for this role. Aden, look, I know the ritual, the conclave, didn’t go as it was supposed to, but we chose you to be the next commander because we believe you’re the only one who can do this.” Aden is about to say something, but Clarke does not give him time. “Even Lexa never doubted for a second that you’d be her successor. She believed in you, and so do I. We all do. Now you need to believe too. The first step to make sure people see you are good enough is to believe it yourself.” Clarke puts a hand on his shoulder before squeezing gently to encourage him. She also gives him a kind and reassuring smile, which Aden returns with a half-smile of his own.

Seeing that he is still not very convinced, Clarke continues. “If you remember even just half of Lexa's teachings, then you are ready to lead your people. And if they think you’re not good enough, that’s their problem not yours. Trust me, I know. My people always complain about the choices I make. Just like the clan leaders always had something to say about Lexa’s decisions. And she was an amazing leader. Probably the best one you’ve ever had.”

Aden doesn’t say a word, but something sparkles in his eyes, letting Clarke know what’s really bothering him. He’s afraid he will never be as good as Lexa. Following in her footsteps, and living up to everyone’s expectations won’t be easy for sure, but Clarke knows he can do it.

“Aden. Lexa was amazing, but only because she had experience. Think about when she first took command. She was only a couple of years older than you are now, and I’m sure she was very insecure as well. Who knows how many mistakes she’s made at the beginning?”

“Yeah, but she’s still the only commander who was able to reunite the 12 clans under one coalition. Even with a lifetime of experience, I’ll never be as great as her.” Aden says in a defeated tone.

As Clarke starts talking again, he walks to the throne. “You don’t have to be as great as her. And most of all, you don’t have to do great things to be a good leader. And even commanders don’t have to be perfect all the time. You’re a human being Aden, you’re allowed to make mistakes.”

“Am I?” Aden says in a skeptical tone.

“Well, if something goes wrong, your people will waste no time in remarking that it’s your fault, but… yes. Of course, you’re allowed to make mistakes.”

“Did you make mistakes?”

Clarke laughs at those words. “Aden, if you listen to my people, all I’ve ever done as their leader is making a mistake after another. They never once appreciated what I’ve done for them.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” Aden asked in a surprised tone.

“Of course, it does. But I also know that it’s way too easy to judge someone’s decision when you’re not the one making them. Our people don’t know what it means to be a leader. They think we’re supposed to protect everyone, but that’s not possible. You’ll see soon enough what I’m talking about.”

Aden is about to say something, but he's interrupted by Titus walking into the room. The boy knows what he's here for, and most of all, he knows it's time for him to set all his doubts aside and accept his role of leadership.

"Heda. It's time." The bald man calls from near the doors bowing his head slightly when Aden turns to face him.

Aden turns back to Clarke who is giving him the most encouraging smile she can master, and then, he follows Titus out of the room.

Chapter 13: The Ascension Ceremony

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8 - Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

Chapter 9 - The Conclave

Chapter 10: The City of Light

Chapter 11: Swim Away From Reality

Apparently, there's a short path that goes from the back yard of the house to the lake, where there's a private pier that leads straight into the water. Clarke doesn't see any boats, so she guesses the pier is only meant to be a sort of springboard for those who want to jump into the lake. All around the lake there are tall trees, and the beauty of the landscape leaves her dumbstruck. She wishes she had a piece of paper and a charcoal to draw the beautiful image of the water reflecting all the trees and the sky.

"Worthy, right?" Lexa asks as she picks up a small plain rock from the path to throw it on the water, making it jump five times on its surface.

"It's beautiful." Clarke agrees.

The two of them stand still, side by side, for a few minutes. Neither one dares to break the silence as they take in all the beauty offered by that landscape. Lexa's attention gets caught by a fish jumping in and out of the water, and in an attempt to follow it, she moves onto the wooden pier. She doesn't need to look back to know Clarke is right behind her. Quickly, she gets rid of her armor and boots, stripping down to just her underwear. She leaves her clothes discarded on the floor before jogging towards the edge of the pier to jump headfirst into the water.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asks with a worried tone. It’s not Lexa’s safety she’s worried about, but her own. Because, she knows her girlfriend, and she’s afraid of what she might want her to do now.

"The water is perfect, Clarke. You have to come in." There it is. Ok, let's not panic.

"Lexa… I told you. I can't swim. I-"

"You don't have to swim. I promise. The water around the pier is shallow enough for you to stand easily." Lexa says, swimming back to the edge of the pier. "Trust me." She waits patiently for the Clarke's decision, and when she nods in agreement, she gives her girlfriend the brightest grin she can manage.

When all of Clarke's clothes minus her underwear are on the wooden floor as well, Lexa moves to a standing position in the water, holding out both of her hands for Clarke to grab to lower herself into the water. But as soon as Clarke sits down on the pier in front of her, Lexa gets another idea.  

“God, you're beautiful." She says as she brings her hands on Clarke’s waist, before pushing herself in-between Clarke’s legs.  

"I thought you wanted me to come into the water, Commander." Clarke freezes as soon as she realizes what she just said. The pun wasn’t intended, but Lexa didn’t miss it. The smirk appearing on her face, makes Clarkes shiver a bit.

"I bet you will, Wanheda." Lexa teases her immediately.

Clarke tries hard not to give in to temptation, but her mouth runs dry. She clears her throat quickly, before responding in a tone that matches Lexa’s.

"Is that so, Heda?" Suddenly, she doesn’t mind the idea of getting wet.

Lexa smirks at Clarke before leaning forward to capture her lips. It takes them about a second to turn the kiss into a heated make-out session. As they go, Clarke moves her legs to encircle her girlfriend’s waste, securing her to her body. Their hands start roaming over every inch of skin available, which is basically every single part of their bodies considering they’re just in their underwear. Lexa's hands come to a stop around Clarke ass, keeping the girl's center pressed again her stomach as Clarke’s hands move to cup her breasts through her bra.

They're not sure who moaned first, but as soon as the sound fills the silence, Lexa feels the need for more. Without breaking the kiss, she lifts Clarke into her arms backing away a little from the pier. Slowly, Clarke lowers her legs until she's standing in the water on her own feet. Now that they are on the same level, Lexa starts pushing Clarke, until her back is pressed against the pier. When at last, they have to part for some air, they keep their foreheads pressed together, and their eyes closed. Once Lexa can breathe properly again, she moves to attach her lips to Clarke's pulse point, then moving to pepper kisses along her jawline. Her hands roam up and down Clarke’s back, sending shivers down her spine, and causing her to arch her back. Lexa is so focused on exploring her girlfriend’s skin that she doesn't notice Clarke’s hand moving up to the hook of her bra. In a swift movement, Clarke unclasps Lexa’s bra with one hand, while with the other she plays with the hem of her girlfriend’s panties. When her mind realizes what is happening, Lexa moves her hips forward as an invitation. Clarke, of course, doesn't need to be asked twice before slipping her hand inside Lexa's panties, and drawing her middle finger through the woman's folds. They're in the water, but she can still feel how wet her girlfriend is already. She smirks at the idea, and then she starts circling Lexa’s clit with the tip of her finger, gaining a loud moan from Lexa. She can feel her own center throbbing, but she does her best to put her focus only on the other girl.

"Please... Clarke..." Lexa used to be the Commander, and Commanders don't plead, it’s true. But Clarke makes her feel so good she doesn't give a damn right now.

"Please what?" Clarke’s voice doesn't come out as strong as she hoped, because her own breathing is becoming shallow.

"Stop... Stop teasing..." Lexa can hardly whisper.

"As you wish, Heda." And with that she pushes two fingers into Lexa’s entrance, giving her a brief moment to adjust before starting to pump rhythmically inside of her.

Even in her state of pleasure, Lexa can feel how worked up Clarke is becoming as well, and she can no longer stand there doing nothing. She goes back to plant kisses on Clarke’s neck as she moves one hand down her abdomen till she reaches the hem of her panties. She doesn't wait for her girlfriend's invitation to slip her hand underneath her underwear to start working on her clit. Lexa can feel she's getting close, but she wants to give Clarke the same pleasure, so she pushes inside of her pumping fiercely in and out of her.

"Lexa..." Damn Clarke, stay focused on what you're doing, she mentally reprimands herself.

Lexa stops her mouth to lean back and look at Clarke. They stare at one another for a moment before closing the gap between each other in a hungry kiss. It doesn't take them long to come together, moaning loudly into each other's mouths. They keep pumping for a bit more to help the other come down from their high. Then they hold on tight onto each other, not trusting their legs to stand on their own. It takes them a couple of minutes to calm their breath.

Once Lexa is positive her voice won’t fail her, she asks jokingly: "Still don't like swimming?"

"Shut up." Clarke shakes her head, amused by how proud Lexa looks right now. Then she leans forwards to kiss her slowly.

"Ai hod yu in, Klark."

"I love you too."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"No way! You did what?!" Lexa laughs as she holds Clarke close.

After their "swim" they moved back to the house, and had something for dinner. Once they were done eating, Lexa offered to go up to the roof to lie under the stars, to which Clarke agreed eagerly.

Clarke took advantage of the moment to fill Lexa in on everything that’s happened after her death, including the story of how she saved the Natblida’s lives during the Conclave. That brings us here to Lexa's reaction, because honestly, she would've given anything to see Titus's face when he realized Clarke had tricked him, and the kids were all still alive.

"They're just kids, Lexa. And they’re your family. Mine too. I can handle Titus hating me for the rest of my life if it means I managed not to lose them as well."

"Killing my friends... the kids I grew up with... That’s the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm glad you made sure they didn't have to go through all that as well. They're great kids, I'm sure there's so much they can give to our people when they grow older."

"Yeah. I mean, they had the best teacher Polis could offer, so..." Clarke jokes before adding in a serious tone: "They are who they are because you guided them, Lexa."

Lexa shakes her head. "No… They've always been great kids. My teachings and example have nothing to do with it." Clarke doesn't try to argue. She knows Lexa too well to know she's never going to admit her big part in bringing the Nightbloods up.

They stay silent for a few minutes as they gaze at the stars. After a while, a cool breeze blows over them, and Clarke shivers slightly. Of course, Lexa notices and she pulls her into her side to warm her up as best as she can. Instead of voicing her thank you, Clarke leaves a sweet kiss on Lexa’s collarbone, and then she hugs her tightly.

"I need you to promise me something." Lexa whispers slowly in Clarke's hair.

Clarke remains silent. She just moves her head up to look into her favorite green eyes. She sees Lexa worrying her mind to find the right words, so she goes to caress her cheek gently to encourage her to go on.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself." Lexa notices a confused look flashing in Clarke's eyes, so she explains herself better. "I won't ask you to protect the Natblida and Aden, because I'm sure you will. But I'm asking you not to put yourself in danger for them. I can't keep you safe now, Clarke. And I need to know you'll do it for me.” Lexa stops talking, but Clarke can tell there’s something else she’s still not saying. At her questioningly look, Lexa continues. “I need you to promise me that, when life gets hard, you won't give up just to be with me."

"You know I can't promise you that…" Clarke tries to look away, because she remembers what got her here, and she knows she can't promise to never give up on a life she has to live without Lexa by her side.

"Clarke..." Of course, Lexa knows she’s asking her a lot, but she still insists. "Can you at least promise me you'll do anything in your power to stay alive?" She gives Clarke her best begging look.

"Okay." Clarke finally gives up before leaning back down into Lexa's arms. "I promise."

They don't say anything else after that. They just stay there in each other’s arms, gazing at the stars, until they both fall asleep. And it doesn’t if none of this is real, because that’s the first time Clarke manages to have a full night of sleep ever since Lexa's death.

When the morning comes, they're woken up by a voice calling for Clarke. The sun has yet to rise, and they both look around to see whose voice it was.

Clarke.

Wait, no one else is there, who the hell-

Clarke! Honey, wake up! Come on!

“Is that… your mother?”

“But… how?”

It takes them a moment to realize the voice actually comes from the real world. Abby must have found Clarke asleep on the balcony. Although, they still do not understand how it is possible for them to hear her voice resonating in the City of Light.

"You have to go back now." Lexa states looking straight into Clarke’s eyes.

"What? No! I just got here. I... They can wait some more, Lexa, okay? Please. Let me stay here with you." Clarke's begging her as tears fill up her eyes. She’s on the verge of sobbing, and Lexa’s heart breaks at that sight.

"Hey, hey. Look at me." Lexa waits a moment for Clarke to meet her eyes before continuing. "I'll be here when you come back, okay? I can wait, they can't. You have to be there for Aden on his first day as Heda, you have to go back to your mom and the kids, Clarke." She brings her hands up to caress her girlfriend’s cheeks before leaning in to kiss her lovingly.

Clarke closes her eyes as she kisses her back, but when she opens them again, she’s no longer in Lexa’s presence. She’s back in Polis, and it’s her mother who’s staring back at her with a worried look in her eyes. For a second Clarke doesn’t understand what’s happening, but then she remembers. The chip, the City of light, and… Lexa. It wasn’t a dream, it was real. She’d really seen Lexa again. Suddenly, the emotions overcome her, and she launches forward into her mother’s arms to cry into the crook of her neck. Abby doesn't ask for an explanation. She’s worried sick for her daughter, it’s true, and she would like to know what’s going on, but instead she just wraps her arms tightly around her daughter’s shoulders, holding her until she’s calmed down. 

Chapter 12 - Not Good Enough

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8 - Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

Chapter 9 - The Conclave

Chapter 10: The City of Light

When Clarke opens her eyes again, she's not on the balcony of Lexa's room anymore. She's standing in the middle of a narrow road, closed on each side by a series of houses. They're all one or two-storey houses with flat roofs, just like the ones in Polis. She smiles to herself when she remembers the night Lexa told her about her childhood adventures, when as a young Natblida in training she would have to run and jump from one roof to another along the streets of the capital. She can imagine Lexa doing the same now on these roofs.

Clarke's brought out of her thoughts by the sound of footsteps coming from behind. Her heart skips a bit, because she would recognize that sound of boots against concrete anywhere. It's crazy when you think about it, but when you love someone, a family member, a friend, a lover, you pay attention to all the small things such as the sound of their steps on an unsurfaced road. That’s how you learn to feel their presence even before seeing them. And that's why Clarke can't breathe anymore, why she doesn't move, too afraid it will bring an end to this amazing dream. But most of all, that's why she doesn't need to turn or hear her voice to know the hand that's come to rest gently on her shoulder is hers. She knows, but she still can't believe Jaha's chip actually works, so she asks anyway.

"Lexa?" Her voice cracks as her eyes fill with tears.

The hand on her shoulder moves down to intertwine its fingers with Clarke's as another hand does the same on the other side. Clarke's body tenses as she tries to hold back the sobs that threaten to come out and wreck her. She feels her arm being moved so that their right hands come to rest on her heart, and their left ones lay on her belly.

"I'm here." Lexa finally speaks before tightening her hold on Clarke until their bodies are pressed against one another.

Clarke shakes slightly, but she's still refusing to let go. Lexa, of course, can feel it, and so she whispers in her ear: "I've got you." You can let go now, Clarke. You can break down, because I'm here to hug and kiss all of your pieces back together. That's all Lexa tries to convey in just those four words, and Clarke understands it all.

When Clarke finally lets out the broken sob she's been holding, Lexa brings her even deeper into her as if to prove her words. And with that Clarke breaks down for good, sinking on her knees as her body wrecks with her loud sobs. Lexa never loses her hold on her, she just goes down with Clarke, kneeling behind her, and holding her tightly. She doesn't try to shush her or whisper sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down, because she knows Clarke needs to let it all out, and to break down completely in order to start over, and live again.

They stay like that for what feels like hours, and when Clarke finally stops sobbing and shaking, Lexa gives her a long kiss on the crown of her head. It's not enough to put her back together, but it's a first step to give her back some of her lost strength. Lexa feels her girlfriend take a deep breath, and she knows Clarke is going to say something soon, so she moves her head down to rest her chin on her shoulder as if to let her know she's listening, whenever she's ready to talk.

"You never came back to me." Clarke’s voice wavers slightly despite her efforts to keep it stable. She doesn't move her gaze on Lexa yet, she just stares down at their joined hands.

"I know." The former Heda does not apologize. It's not her fault someone killed her, Clarke would never blame her for not coming back, she was just stating a fact.

"I killed her. Nia. She had me pinned to the ground, and for a moment I thought I wasn't gonna make it, but then I remembered what you taught me in our training sessions, and I was able to free myself and kill her." Clarke's voice is just a little above a whisper, but Lexa hears it loud and clear.

Lexa is shocked by her words, but she doesn't say anything. She just leans back to look at the side of Clarke’s face, waiting for her next move. The Sky girl strokes her thumb on the back of one of Lexa’s hands, in order to gather the courage to raise her head, tilting it to the side to finally meet the eyes of the girl she loves. Clarke’s eyes water again at the sight of Lexa's beautiful green orbs staring back at her, so full of life. Slowly, she brings her hand up to cup Lexa’s cheek, like she still needs some proof that this is real, that she is really there.

"That's what I was going to tell you once you came back from battle." Clarke gives her girlfriend a soft smile. "I wanted you to be proud of me. And to know that I can finally fight like you. Well, not like you you, but... like a true grounder. With swords, knives, and all. I wanted you to know that the Ice Queen was not gonna hurt you anymore, because she's dead. Because I killed her. For Costia. For you."

"I..." Lexa is at a loss of words, because of the turmoil of emotions she feels right now.

She wants to scream her anger at whoever killed her for not letting her have the reunion Clarke had planned for her. She wants to be mad at Clarke for facing Nia on her own, putting her life at risk in the process. She wants to cry in relief because the Ice Queen won't be able to hurt Clarke anymore. She wants to thank Clarke for avenging Costia when she couldn't do it herself, and she wants her to know that she's always been proud of her. But instead of trying with words, she leans in to kiss Clarke, hoping this simple gesture is capable of conveying all of the things she's feeling in the moment. Like it's always been for the two of them, they don't need to say anything for the other to understand the message. They kiss until their lungs burn for the lack of oxygen, and then they part but still leaning their foreheads against one another.

"Lexa?" Clarke calls gently after a while, causing the woman to open her eyes, and look at her.

"Mmh?" Lexa hums in question.

"I can't feel my knees." That causes Lexa to laugh lightly, and God, was it worthy to break that serious moment. Clarke hadn't realized how much she's missed the sound of her laugh.

Lexa shakes her head in amusement as the blonde grins back at her, and then, she gets up pulling Clarke up with her in the process. When they're in a standing position in front of each other, they simultaneously move forward to close the gap between them to hold each other properly this time.

"I missed you so much." Clarke says in the crook of Lexa's neck. "I don't ever want to leave you."

"You can't stay here forever, Clarke." Lexa’s tone is sad, and she holds Clarke a little bit tighter when she says the words. She knows her girlfriend has to go back to the real world, but she also doesn't want her to leave.

"Then I'll keep coming back." That's a promise Clarke intends to keep.

Lexa smiles, happy to know this won't be the last time she sees her girlfriend.

"How did you get here anyway?" She asks with a curious tone. To be honest, she has no idea what that place is supposed to be. And most of all, she doesn’t understand how dead people can be very much alive in here, nor how living people can come and go.

"One of my people gave me a sort of 'key' to this virtual reality. He told me there was no death here." Well, that explains some of it, Lexa thinks.

She's brought back from her thoughts when Clarke starts talking again. "I didn’t wanna believe him because... I didn’t wanna get my hopes up about seeing you again, just to find out that he was lying. I almost threw that chip away, but… I couldn’t find it in me to get rid of it. I never thought I’d take it, but then…" Her voice cracks when she thinks about the reason why she's standing here right now. "I got to the point where I could hardly survive without you. I need you in my life, Lexa." She cries.

"Hey, ssh, I'm here." Lexa moves to cup Clarke's cheeks in her hands, before leaning in to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm here." She breathes on Clarke's skin.

They stay like that for a while, until Clarke’s tears stop falling. Then Lexa tries to lighten up the mood, because she can't stand to see the girl she loves suffer so much.

"I'm not going anywhere, Clarke. Literally." She jokes.

"Oh, shut up. This isn't funny, Lexa." Clarke tries to suppress it, but a light chuckle still leaves her lips, and it is music to her girlfriend's ears. Lexa grins at her making Clarke shake her head at how proud she seems for getting her to laugh a little.

"So... You wanna come see my house?" Lexa offers as she holds out a hand for her girlfriend to take.

"You have a house?" Clarke asks in surprise.

"Sort of. There are no properties in the City of Light. If you want something, you just have to make it yours." She explains as they start to walk down the road.

"So, you broke into the house."

"Of course not! No one lived there... it was just waiting for someone to pick it up."

"If you say so…" Clarke isn't actually judging Lexa's choice, it's just that she enjoys messing with her. But unfortunately, her girlfriend is too smart to fall for it.

"Just wait to see it. You're gonna love it." Lexa says, and as she was hoping, it is enough to get Clarke's attention.

They walk in silence for a good five minutes. Lexa is giving Clarke the chance to take everything in. When, at last, she comes to a stop in front of a large metal gate, Clarke turns to look at her questioningly.

"That's it?!" She waits for Lexa's confirming nod before adding: "Wow… That's one big house."

From the gate she can see a small path leading to the front door of the large house, and a yard surrounding the whole building. She's never seen a place that big. Her whole life she's lived in a small room on the Ark, or in a tent, or in a room of the tower in Polis.

"And you have yet to see the best part. Come on!" Lexa smiles at Clarke as she gestures for her to walk through the gate she’s just pushed open. And with that, they walk together towards the front door.

Once inside, Clarke notices that this house looks very different from the one she’s seen so far. It's definitely nothing like the buildings in Polis. It looks exactly like the large houses that she's seen in pictures and videos from before the apocalypse. Right by the entrance there's a big room that is both a kitchen and a dining room. There's a long corner counter against the walls on the left of the front door, and a very long wooden table in the middle of the room. There are eight chairs around it, but Clarke is sure it could host many more people. A wall and a door separate this room from the next one, which is an enormous living room. Coming from the entrance, you meet in front of you a large glass wall that shows the beautiful yard just outside, that can be reached by two large glass doors. There's a bookcase that covers the whole left wall of the room, and which is so full of books it seems impossible none of them falls off. A big rectangular carpet is laid on the floor in the middle of the room, and two long couches are placed along the door side of the carpet and the right wall side of the carpet. A square wooden table with a few books on it is placed on the center of the carpet. On the right wall there's a big tapestry, and that's about it for the furniture of this room. It's a very big living room, but it's also rather empty.

"Come. I'll show you the other rooms." Lexa takes Clarke by the hand to lead her back to the first room.

Somehow Clarke has missed it before, but to the right of the entrance, opposite to the kitchen, there's a flight of stairs that leads to the second floor. Here, there are a main bedroom, and three smaller guest rooms, plus two bathrooms. The same stairs also lead to a mansard. It's a small room that looks like a mini version of the living room, but, instead of opening onto the yard, its glass doors open onto the rest of the roof. Clarke can only imagine how beautiful it must be out there by night, when the sky is full of stars.

"Remember that time we sat on the balcony of the throne room to gaze at the stars?" Lexa asks softly, and when Clarke hums in affirmation she continues: "Ever since I got here, I spent every night on this roof pretending you were by my side, stargazing with me."

"Maybe we can do it tonight. And many other nights to come." Clarke turns to Lexa before continuing. "You don’t have to pretend I’m here anymore, my love." She whispers the last part against Lexa’s lips, before kissing her lovingly.

When they part Lexa smiles widely at her before biting her lower lip in thought. "Would you like to see the lake?"

"Lake?"

"Yeah… There's a small lake that can be reached by the yard. It reminded me of the one near Polis. That's why I chose to move in here."

"Well, in that case… I'd love to see the lake. But I have to warn you: I don't know how to swim, so you'd better not push me in the water if you don't want me to drown." Clarke jokes, because literally everyone in this world, or in any world, knows Lexa would never do anything that could endanger Clarke.

"I make no promises… I'm pretty sure by the end of the night I will be able to get you wet." Clarke’s heart skips a bit when she notices the smirk on Lexa’s face as she says the last part. In case she had any doubt, the pun was totally intended.

When Lexa moves towards the stairs to go back downstairs, she gives Clarke a look of victory. Clarke doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction, and she shakes her head pretending Lexa’s words didn’t affect her at all. Unfortunately, though, the darker shade of her eyes is enough to give away her turn-on.

She might not like the man, but she'll never thank Jaha enough for this chip.

Chapter 11 - Swim Away From Reality

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8 - Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

Chapter 9: The Conclave

The night of Lexa's funeral Clarke doesn't go back to her old room, leaving it for her mother and Kane to sleep in. She doesn't even go to the Lexa's chambers, because it hurts too much to sleep there without her. Honestly, Clarke isn’t even sure whether she should try to get some sleep at all, since every time she closes her eyes all she can see are images of her girlfriend.

She’s been wandering the hallways of the tower for a while, when she catches a glimpse of Titus leaving the Natblida’s quarters. As the man walks towards her, Clarke takes the chance to ask him about the kids.

"How are they doing?"

"They're sad, obviously. And they are worried about the Conclave as well.”

“The Conclave…” She has completely forgotten about it. “When does it start?”

“Tomorrow.” Clarke looks at him in shock. “I'm afraid they're not going to be able to get much sleep tonight. Especially the youngest."

"Perhaps I could stay with them for the night.” She asks hesitantly, because she's sure the man won't like the idea.  I think… I think I can get them to sleep peacefully for a few hours at least.” To her surprise, Titus hesitates only a second before nodding in agreement.

Clarke gives him a thankful nod in return, and then she slips into the Natblida's dormitory. Once inside, she finds the kids sitting in circle on the floor. Clarke can see they are talking, but she cannot understand what they’re saying from where she’s standing by the door. As soon as her footsteps resonate in the room, all of their eyes move up to look at her. None of them moves from their place on the floor, though. As she walks towards them, Clarke notices they all have tears in their eyes. That sight is heartbreaking, and she has to gather up all her strength in order to hold back her own tears. With a deep breath, she manages to smile softly at them before talking.

"Titus said I can sleep here with you tonight. If that's okay with you, of course." She smiles a bit more when she sees them nod eagerly at the idea of having her with them for an entire night.

"We were sharing our best memories of Lexa... Do you wanna join us?" A girl that goes by the name of Skye asks her.

Clarke hesitates a moment. She really wants to be there for these kids, but she’s not at the same time she’s not ready to talk about Lexa just yet. She swallows heavily and, when she's about to accept, Aden speaks.

"Maybe you can just sit down and listen for now. It’s okay if you’re not ready to talk about her.” Aden offers, and every other Natblida nods along with him. They might be just kids, but they are smart enough to understand that Clarke is hurting a lot right now. Even if she’s doing the best she can not to let it show in front of them.

Clarke accepts the offer with a heavy heart, because knows listening to their stories about Lexa won’t be any easier. With a deep breath, she goes to sit down between Trish and Cal, the youngest Nightbloods.

She listens for a good couple of hours as the kids take turns remembering their favorite moments with their Heda. At last, they run out of stories to tell, and the room falls quiet. Nobody says a word for a good minute, until Trish finds the courage to break the silence.

"Clarke?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I don't wanna die…" She says in a voice so small Clarke almost misses it.

"What?" That's not what Clarke was expecting her to say. Of course, she knows that nine of these kids will have to die during the Conclave, but she just hasn’t had time to process that information just yet.  

"The Conclave starts tomorrow, and we both know there's no way I'm gonna win…" When her voice cracks, and tears fall down her cheeks, Clarke moves to bring her in for a tight hug.

She doesn't know what to say, because "everything's gonna be okay" is a lie not even a child would believe in such a circumstance. Suddenly, the realization that she’s about to lose other people she loves dawns on Clarke, and she can’t breathe. All the air is sucked from her lungs for a moment. She’s on the verge of having a real panic attack, but her will not to worry the kids is strong enough to get to force some air back into her lungs. With a series of deep inhales, she manages to stable her breathing and regain control of herself. Because this is about the kids and not her. She needs to be strong for them right now. Lexa used to be the rock they lean on, but now it her job. Even if she feels more like a rock sinking to the bottom of the ocean than something strong they can hold onto.

No one in the circle seems to notice what is going on with her. Apart from Aden, that is. It’s crazy how much alike he and Lexa truly are. No one’s ever been able to read through her mind like these two. It doesn’t matter how subtle she’s been about her almost panic attack, Aden reads right through her silence, understanding exactly what she's feeling, and offering her a way out once again.

"We should try to get some sleep now. Come on, let's get into bed." He orders in the softest yet most commanding tone he can master. He really is a mini version of Lexa. With that he moves onto his bed, knowing the others will follow his example.

"You'll stay here, right?" Cal asks as he gets up from his place next to Clarke.

"I'll be right here watching over you. Ai swega em klin." I promise.

The little boy seems to be satisfied with her answer, and so does everyone else because with that they all move into their beds. As the slip under the covers, they all wish her good night in chorus. "Reshop, Klark."

"Goodnight." She whispers, not trusting her voice with any louder tone as her eyes fill with tears.

Reshop, Heda.

Goodnight, Ambassador.

There it goes again. She’s afraid that little voice inside her head replaying her and Lexa’s words will hunt her forever. And although every flashback is like a blade running through her heart, Clarke doesn't want them to stop. Because she doesn't want to forget a single thing about her time with Lexa, and she never wants to forget the soothing sound of her voice. Nevertheless, Clarke refuses to get any sleep, because she knows those images of Lexa’s dead body will come hunting her in her dreams. And she can’t deal with them right now. Finn was her first love, and she had to kill him. Lexa was her home, and now she's dead. The Nightbloods are her family, and only one of them will survive the Conclave. Why does she have to keep losing everyone she cares about?!

Not everyone. Not you.

Oh God! She's going to get mad. She covers her ears with her hands as she shakes her head fiercely to get the voices and thoughts out of her mind.

It's okay. You're safe.

It doesn't work, of course. The voice is still there, and Clarke can’t stop herself from sobbing quietly in her hands, trying not to wake the kids up.

You bleed for nothing. You cannot stop this.

Wait what? She's not bleed- Suddenly, Clarke feels a sharp pain cursing through her hands, and that's when she realizes that in her attempt to block the memories out she must’ve dug her nails a bit too hard into her palms, causing them to bleed.

The pain will never go away.

She can't breathe. She can't-

This is wrong!

It is also are only choice and you know it.

The dead are gone, Clarke. The living are hungry.

You wanna know why I saved you? Because I need you.

Then be ready to fight.

And with that Clarke passes out.

"Clarke. Clarke, wake up! Come on, you need to breathe! Clarke!" It's Aden's panicked voice to bring her back to consciousness. She feels her lungs burning, and she sits up quickly to help her lungs fill with air again. Clarke welcomes the fresh intake of air with a loud gasp, and as soon as Aden sees she's breathing again, he throws his arms around her neck letting out a relieved sigh. He keeps his hold tight around her, but not too much, allowing Clarke to inhale a proper amount of air.

"I'm sorry I woke you." Clarke says when she realizes nine pairs of eyes are staring at her worriedly.

"Don't you dare scare us like that again." Aden cries in the crook of her neck, and she pushes him back by his shoulders so she can look him in the eyes. With her thumb she brushes away the tears streaking down his cheeks, and then she speaks softly.

"Hey, I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm fine now. I promise." She doesn't move her eyes away from his, until Aden gives her a small nod.

"You still have a few hours before the Conclave starts. Go back to sleep." She tells everyone as she moves to stand up.

"Where are you going?" Skye asks, refusing to lie back down.

"I'm sorry, I know I said I would stay here with you all night, but I need some fresh air right now."

"We'll see you in the morning?" Vin, a twelve-year-old boy, asks in a hopeful tone from behind her.

"Of course." She answers without hesitation as she ruffles the boy’s hair, smiling kindly at him.

She makes sure everyone is back in their beds before leaving the room to go for a walk around the still empty streets of Polis.

------------------------------------------------------------

"No, there has to be another way!" Clarke shouts, finally losing it.

She and Titus have been arguing for at least forty minutes, because she won't just let her kids die without a fight. She's been trying to convince him to find an alternative in which the Nightbloods don't have to kill each other in order to elect a new Commander, but the man will hear no reason.

"There isn't! This has been the way of our people ever since Pramheda, you can't just come down here from the sky and expect us to change all of our oldest traditions just because you and your people don't like them!" He shouts back just as loudly.

"I've just lost Lexa, I'm not gonna sit there and watch them die as well!" That's it! Clarke's done trying to talk some sense into him, it's time for her to act, whether he agrees or not. They're just kids, they're still alive and hungry, and it is her job to protect them now.

"Where do you think you're going?! This discussion is not over yet!" Titus yells at her back as she's storming out of the throne room.

"Yes, it is." Clarke says firmly as she comes to a stop by the doors. Before the man can object, she adds: "Plus, someone needs to go wake the kids up." And with that, she walks down the hallway to the Natblida's quarters.  

She’s about to knock on the door when she gets an idea. There is one thing she was able to catch during the last meeting they had in Arkadia: Skaikru had to bring some of their medical supplies to the capital as an offer to the Coalition that welcomed them as one of their own. Clarke remembers a trick her mother uses from time to time, when the patients start bleeding out during a surgery. Hopefully, among the medical supplies, she’ll find the drugs necessary for it to work. Without bothering to consider that her mom and Kane might still be asleep, Clarke rushes to her room, and enters without knocking.

“What the hell?! Clarke? Honey, what are you doing here at dawn?” Her mother asks as she moves to sit up, resting her back on the headboard.

Clarke takes a moment to look at the man under the covers next to Abby. She’s been aware of their closeness for a while now, but it doesn’t make it any less weird. When her mom clears her throat, she finally explains herself.

“I need your help. You brought some of Arkadia’s medical supplies as an offer to Polis, right?” All she gets in response is two pairs of shocked eyes staring back at her.

“What? I had a few moments when I wasn’t completely out of it during the meeting.” Clarke says, understanding the two must’ve thought she wasn’t paying attention when they talked about it with Lexa’s generals.

Abby and Kane look a little less shocked now, but they still do not answer her question, so she asks again. “Do you have the supplies with you, or not?”

“Ye-yeah… I still haven’t got the chance to bring them to the medical center... They’re in that box by the armchair, why? What do you need?” Abby finally answers as she gets out of bed to reach her daughter.

“The drugs you use to stop your patients’ hearts momentarily when they’re bleeding out, and the adrenaline... did you bring some of those too?”

“I did…” Abby says with some hesitance. “Clarke... What’s going on?” She’s now standing in front of her daughter, staring at her worriedly and questioningly.

“It’s the Nightbloods. I’m trying to find a way to keep them alive. They’re just kids, mom. They shouldn’t have to kill each other to choose a new Commander.”

“What’s your plan?” Kane asks coming to stand with them.

“They’ll just have to pretend to kill each other. I’ll give each of them a small capsule containing the drug, and as they go down, they’ll have to break it with their teeth and swallow the content. A healer is charged to go make sure they’re really dead before they are brought out of the arena. We’ll have a couple of minutes to give them the adrenaline, and restart their hearts.” She can barely finish talking before her mother hisses at her.

“This is crazy! What if something goes wrong?! What if someone catches us?! What if it’ll take the healer more than just a couple of minutes to confirm their death, and take them out of the arena? We won’t be able to get their hearts to beat again then.”

“I know it’s risky, okay! If you don’t want a part in it, I get it! But I’m not gonna stand there, and do nothing when there’s a chance that I can save them!” Clarke’s voice wavers as she shouts the last words. With a deep breath she gets herself back together, and then she speaks again, hoping Abby will understand why she’s willing to risk everything on this. “They’re the closest thing I have to a family. I can’t lose them too.”

Thankfully, Abby does not make a remark on the fact that she and her people are actually her family. Her mother knows what she means, even if it hurts a little to hear say that. So, she agrees. “Okay. We’ll do this. But we need to explain to the kids exactly what it is that they need to do in order for this to work out right.”

“Thank you.” Clarke says hugging her mother gratefully.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke and Abby are giving the adrenaline to the last Nightblood when Aden comes rushing into the room.

“Ti-Titus...” That’s all he manages to say, out of breath as he is, before the bald man bursts into the room behind him, and starts shouting at Clarke.

“What is the meaning of this?!”

“I told you I wasn’t gonna let them d-” She tries, but Titus cuts her off.

"What did you do?!"

What did you do?

What you would’ve done. Saved my people.

For once, Clarke’s actually grateful for that voice inside her head.

"What Lexa would've done. Saved her people.” She answers standing her ground. “Lexa believed Aden would be the one to succeed her. We’ve just respected the Commander’s choice.”

“The Commander’s choice?! Not always the Natblida chosen by a Commander is the one to win the Conclave! Lexa’s had faith in Aden’s abilities to win, but it doesn’t mean her spirit would’ve made the same choice!” He shouts as he moves closer and closer to Clarke, up until the point where there’s almost no personal space between the two of them.

Clarke isn’t afraid though. She keeps her head held high, and she doesn’t back down. “You did it yourself with Costia before, why is this any different?!"

"That was one person, this is nine kids we're talking about! How am I supposed to hide them all?!"

"It's quite easy actually. The people of Polis don't know what they look like. At least not well enough to recognize them as the Nightbloods who have supposedly died in the Conclave."

"So, you want me to what? Send them out of the tower into the city streets, hoping someone will find them and offer them a place to stay, or even a family perhaps?" Titus isn’t serious about it, obviously, but it gives Clarke an idea.

"Are there any orphanages?" she asks.

Titus looks at her for a moment before it clicks. "That's not happening." He says in a tone that doesn’t leave space for arguments.

"Ok, you know what? Why don't we just let them stay here, inside the tower? This is their home after all, and we're their family. We’ll just keep them inside, and no one will notice they're still alive. Once they grow old enough to take care of themselves, we'll let them go outside to live the life they want among their people. By then, they won't be children anymore, and nobody will be able to recognize them."

"Except for the fact that, every time they bleed, they shed black blood.” Titus says matter-of-factly.

"We'll all be careful." Clarke waits a second before adding: "Titus. I know you're not heartless. You cared about Lexa, and I know you care about these kids as well. Just like I know you're actually glad they are not dead. Look, I'm sorry I broke the rules, but I’m not sorry I saved their lives. We'll figure it out, okay?" She knows he’s given up his fight when he sighs heavily, and shakes his head.

"You're lucky Lexa and the Nightbloods love you."

"Please… everyone knows deep down you care about me too." She dares to joke now that they’re not yelling at each other anymore.

Titus gives her an exasperated shake of his head when she smirks proudly at him. "If you say so, Wanheda."

"I know so. Fleimkepa."

 Author’s note: How about some cliffhanger, huh? Oh well, I’m gonna give it to you anyway (*smirking face*)

Clarke goes to sleep in Lexa’s room that night, for in the morning the new Commander will move into it, and all of Lexa’s things will be gone.

She puts on her blue nightgown, and she slips under the covers. She’s just so tired. It’s been days since she last had a good night of sleep, but everything around her smells like Lexa, and she can’t stop thinking about her. She tries rolling onto her side, and hugging her girlfriend’s pillow as if it were Lexa, but of course, it doesn’t work. She misses Lexa’s strong arms securing her against her body, she misses her warmth, her smile, her voice, her... Her. She just misses her. Now that she’s finally alone, Clarke doesn’t need to be strong anymore. So she just let’s it all out, sobbing hard into Lexa’s pillow. She cries like that for what feels like forever, until she has no tears left to cry. She’s so worn out she can barely move, but just when she’s about to succumb to sleep, she remembers something.

“The chip.” She whispers to herself as she forces her tired body out of bed.

Clarke goes through her bags looking for the Key to the City of Light, or whatever Jaha said it was called. When she finds it, she goes out onto the balcony, and she sits down onto its cold floor. She moves her gaze up to the stars before whispering: “I’ll see you soon, my love.”

And with that she swallows the chip, and closes her eyes. She focuses her mind on the person she wants so much to be able to hold again.

Lexa. 

Chapter 10 - The City of Light

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

Chapter 5 - Costia

Chapter 6 - The calm before a storm

Chapter 7 - Hurts like hell

Chapter 8: Shouldn’t be a good in goodbye

“Clarke...” Abby calls her gently as she comes to stand next to her daughter.

Clarke doesn’t move, she just stands there looking down blankly. For how creepy it might sound, she has spent the entire night in the medical center by Lexa’s side, never once letting go of her limp hand. Abby’s not sure whether Clarke is holding onto Lexa to feel like she’s still here somehow, or just in the desperate hope of being able to transfer some warmth back into her cold body. Looking in her daughter’s eyes, though, she’s not even sure Clarke has any reason at all. Her eyes are cast down, but not quite looking at Lexa’s figure. Those blue orbs that had been so full of life just the day before, as she and Lexa were holding each other so lovingly, are now completely empty. They say the eyes are the mirror of the soul, and maybe it’s true. Because Clarke cannot feel a thing right now, she’s just empty.

Abby gently places a hand on her daughter’s forearm in an attempt to get some kind of reaction from her. In a way it works, because Clarke murmurs something to her. Abby almost misses it, because Clarke speaks without raising her head, and her voice is very low.

“We should take her back to the capital. Her people deserve a chance to say goodbye properly.”

“Okay.” Abby lowers her hand slowly, until it’s resting on Clarke and Lexa’s joined ones. She waits a second there without moving. When she’s positive Clarke won’t object, she takes hold of her daughter’s hand, and she pull it away from Lexa’s. To be honest, Abby was hoping such a move would earn her some kind of protest from her daughter. Anything, really. But Clarke does nothing, and it breaks Abby’s heart to see her kid so lost and broken. She caresses the top of Clarke’s hand with her thumb for a moment before talking.

“The funeral ceremony is starting in a moment. Do you think you can come say one last goodbye to your people? Hers and yours. Both the grounders and our people would appreciate you being there.” It’s a good thing Abby’s staring closely at Clarke, or she would’ve missed the almost imperceptible nod she gives her in response. With that Abby starts walking towards the door bringing her daughter out of the room along with her.

As soon as Clarke is out in the main yard, where a funeral pile has been set, Octavia and Raven rush towards her to bring her in for a hug. The broken girl doesn’t move, though. She doesn’t return the embrace, and she doesn’t even seem to acknowledge the presence of her friends. Her gaze is simply staring blankly at somewhere in front of her. Octavia and Raven look at her worriedly for a moment, and then they turn to Abby in a silent question of how Clarke is holding on. The woman’s eyes water as she shakes her head sadly, because her daughter isn’t holding on at all. She’s falling to pieces, and Abby doesn’t know what to do to help.

As Commander of Death, it is Clarke honor to light the pyre on fire. It’s one of Lexa’s general to pass her the torch. Clarke takes it without acknowledging what she’s doing. Her hand takes the torch from the man, and her legs begin to move towards the pyre, but it’s all on their accord. Her muscles are moving automatically, as if they remember what to do from that time she had to burn Finn’s body in TonDC. Suddenly, Clarke finds herself in front of an enormous pyre, above which are settled the bodies of hundreds of dead warriors. Everyone’s eyes are on her. Many of the warriors are surprised to see the supposedly mighty Wanheda looking so vulnerable and broken, but most people are now aware of her feelings for the Lexa. Somehow, Clarke manages to hold her head up high, and to mutter in the most commander-like tone she can master: “Yu gonplei ste odon.” She doesn’t remember herself lowering the torch on the pyre, but a moment later all she can see in front of her eyes are its flames.

After the ceremony, Lexa's generals, Clarke, Abby, and Kane reunite in the council room to discuss how to bring the Commander's body back to Polis. They also need to decide who of the Sky People is going to go to the capital to attend the ceremony. It takes them a good half an hour to come to an agreement. Clarke doesn't say a single word, she just stands there in a corner of the room, staring blankly at the arguing people. No one tries to ask for her opinion, both because they know she wouldn’t answer, and because they're not even sure she's hearing anything they’re saying. In the end, the grounder warriors give in, and they agree that the safest way to transport the body is with the Skaikru's rover. Kane will drive, and Abby will be in the car with him, while Clarke will be riding her horse alongside the generals. Wanheda’s presence was never in question, as per Kane he was chosen to take part in the funeral ceremony because he’s the assigned leader of the 13th clan. With a bit of insistence, Abby was able to convince the generals to let her come as well, because she didn’t want to leave Clarke alone as she's mourning Lexa's death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clarke is standing by her horse, putting the last of her things in the saddlebags, when a man approaches her from behind.

"You know, I might have a way for you to see your precious Commander again..."

Jaha. It's been forever since she last saw the man. Not that she’s missed his presence, that is. Clarke knew he wasn't completely normal when he started talking about a City of Light he planned to find, but this… this is a whole new level of craziness. Something in her eyes must have given away what she's thinking, because the man, who is now standing in front of her, immediately adds: "You think I'm crazy… but I'm not. There's this place, the City of Light, where there's no death. Everyone who died on this Earth is there. I've seen it myself."

"You're high."

"I'm not. I've never been more sober." With that Jaha takes something from his pants pocket, and hands it to Clarke. It looks like some sort of chip. Clarke eyes it for a moment before looking back at Jaha, as if to ask what the hell she is supposed to do with that thing.

"I just want to help you, Clarke. Take it. It's the key to the City of Light. You just have to swallow it. Then, you close your eyes, and just focus on the person you want to see again. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in this virtual world that knows no death. Everyone you’ve lost here… will be there waiting for you.”

“That easy, eh? Thanks, but I’m not taking that thing.” She says harshly.

“Well… that’s a pity.” He states before putting the chip back into his pocket. “Her death doesn’t have to be the end, Clarke.”

Don’t be afraid, Clarke. Death is not the end.

“Shut up!” She’s not even sure whether she’s saying it to Jaha, or to the voice inside her head repeating Lexa’s words.

“You’re just afraid, Clarke.”

Don’t be afraid, Clarke.

“I said shut up!” She cries out shaking her head in order to get rid of the small voice that’s haunting her mind. The man realizes he must’ve touched a sore spot, but he doesn’t let Clarke’s words stop him from placing the chip in Clarke’s hand.

“What are you doing?! I don’t want your stupid key to this damn City of Light!”

“Yes, you do.” With that, Jaha closes Clarke’s hand around the chip, and he turns to go back inside the walls of Arkadia.

Clarke stares at him for a while before turning back to her horse, and raising her hand over her head to throw the chip into the woods. She’s about to let it go, when she remembers another conversation she and Lexa had right before the battle.

What I can promise is that I'm going to do anything in my power to come back to you, ai hodness.

I’ll do anything in my power to come back to you too.

Maybe she should keep the chip with her. If Jaha is right, it might be her only way to get back to Lexa as she promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once in Polis, Lexa’s body is cleaned by a few handmaids, and redressed in clean clothes. A small altar is built in the throne room, so that the Nightbloods and the clan leaders can say their own personal goodbyes to the late Commander before the public ceremony begins.

The second Clarke enters the room, the youngest Natblida rush towards her to embrace her tightly in a group hug. Abby and Kane, who are standing by the doors, are shocked by how much affection these children are showing for Clarke. But what surprises them the most is that, in this moment, Clarke’s eyes don’t look as blank and lost as before. They are suddenly filled emotion, with love, and Abby wants to cry because she was really beginning to think she’d never see life in those beautiful blue eyes again. It’s clear to her and Marcus that a lot of things have changed when Clarke was here in Polis, before the battle. Clearly in that week, she and the Nightbloods had formed a strong bond.

When the first group of children lets her go, another group of older-looking kids moves to hug her. They take their time, each one patiently waiting for their turn to embrace the Sky girl. The last one to move is a boy whom Clarke addresses as Aden. Something in the way the two of them hold each other lets Abby and Kane image he must be one Clarke is closest to. They can barely see his face from they’re standing by the doors, but it’s enough for them to notice he’s trying hard to hold back his tears. Once more, Kane and Abby are surprised by the change of attitude displayed by Clarke. She does not look broken anymore, but rather it looks like she’s trying to act as strong as possible for these kids standing in front of her. It’s such a mother-like action to put her pain aside momentarily, in order to infuse strength into these children and teens she obviously loves so much.

Once all the Nightbloods, including Aden, are done greeting Clarke, Titus makes his presence noticed. He’s kept to the side all the time, but now he moves from his spot to go speak to Clarke.

“I believe the Natblida have something for you, Wanheda.”

At those words, Clarke turns to look at the kids questioningly. No one seems to want to say a thing, until it’s Aden to clear his throat asking for attention. When Clarke looks at him, Aden holds out a knife, offering it to her. At first, she doesn’t understand what’s going on, but then it clicks.

“Lexa’s knife.” She whispers in surprise. “Doesn’t it belong to the one of you who’ll be the next Commander?”

“It does.” Aden smiles softly at her before adding: “We’ve talked about it, and… we’ve all agreed it should be yours.” Clarke knows that by “all” they do not mean Titus as well, and the look of disapproval on the man’s face is proving her right.

While Clarke is looking at Titus, Aden comes to stand right in front of her. Still holding out the knife, he continues. “So whenever you use it it’ll be like Lexa is protecting you.” Murmurs of agreement come from the other Natblida when he takes Clarke’s hand to pass her the knife.

Clarke is at a loss of words. All she can do is stand there looking at the knife Aden has just placed in her hand. When her gaze comes up again to look at the kids, her eyes are wet with tears, but she doesn’t let them fall. Her voice shakes with emotion when she finally manages to say something. “Mochof.” Thank you.

The emotional moment, though, is soon interrupted by a guard, who enters the room to announce it’s time for the ceremony. With him are other three guards, carrying a wooden stretcher. As gently as it can be expected by four warriors, they move Lexa’s body onto the stretcher, and then they lift it up to place it on their shoulders. They exit the room first, with everyone else in tow, and they walk to the main square where a pyre is ready. The crowd of grounders is standing in a circle around it, but leaving enough space for all of the clan leaders to stand on the step that was built all around the pyre. Roan is there too, having been nominated King of Azgeda in the wake of his mother’s death. Each clan leader is holding a torch. Since Lexa was the Commander of the 13th clans, they should all have the honor to light the funeral pyre on fire. Clarke and Titus receive their torches as well. Since they are the Commander of Death and the Flamekeeper, they are to be considered at the same level as the clan leaders.

When Lexa’s body is adjusted above the pyre, and everyone is in place, Titus raises his hand asking for attention. He waits for the people around them to fall silent, and then he speaks.

“People of Polis, members of the Coalition, it is with a sad heart that we stand here today to say goodbye to our beloved Commander. I’m sure you all can agree when I say Lexa was special. She was a visionary, and no Commander before had ever been as wise as her. She believed in a world where we could live in peace, united as one. It is now our duty to keep this union alive, in honor of her hard work.” He pauses for a moment as the crowd is cheering. When everyone grows quiet again, he concludes. “Yu gonplei ste odon, Leksa kom Trikru. Gonplei kom Heda kigon feva.”

Your fight is over, Lexa of the Tree People. The Commander's fight goes on.

“Yu gonplei ste odon, Heda.” The crowd exclaims in chorus.

“Maybe Wanheda wishes to say something as well…” Titus offers looking at the woman standing next to him. Clarke nods gratefully before turning to glance at Kane, standing in the circle with the other clan leaders. He looks back at her questioningly, but when she starts talking, he understands.

“I’d like to say something on behalf of people. It’s our way of bidding farewell to the ones we have passed away.” She waits for Kane to catch up, so they can say the next words together. Joined by Abby, who’s standing in the crowd behind them.

“In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again.”

And with that, they all lower their torches to light the pyre on fire, and they step away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s sunset when the last of the flames has died down. A pile of ashes is all that’s left of Lexa’s body and of the wood that formed the pyre. Everyone is gone back to their homes, except for Aden and Clarke. They are the only ones left in the square. They stand there, silently staring at the fuming ashes, for what feels like an eternity. When at last, Aden makes a move to turn and leave, the sound of Clarke’s voice stops him in his tracks.

"Why is there a good in goodbye…?” She asks looking up at the boy for a second. She knows Aden doesn’t understand what she’s trying to say, so she continues. “I mean, there's absolutely nothing good about it. It's like… whenever we say goodbye, it just feels like something bad that's going to get even worse. Like a storm that’s never ending, or like that last moment of composure before the inevitable break. It's not gracious, and it's definitely not meant to give you hope that something good might come out of that moment. A goodbye is just the proof that you're already drowning. And the worst part is that you haven’t even hit the bottom of that ocean floor yet."

When she’s done, Clarke moves her gaze back on Aden, to see if he understands what means now. He does. The boy gives her a small nod of agreement. Then he turns his head to look down at Lexa’s ashes.

“You’re right. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye." And with that, he finally turns to walk towards the tower, leaving Clarke alone.

 Author’s note: I know, i know. That last speech from Clarke makes little to no sense, but here’s the song it was inspired from. Hopefully reading/listening to it will help you understand the meaning. 

Jason Walker – Shouldn’t Be a Good in Goodbye

After the silence, After the last words. Caught in the silence. Caught in between.

After the madness. After the slow shock. Before the wave hits, The flood comes rushing in.

This is the bad before the worse. This is the storm before the storm. I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor. This is the bend before the break. This is the mercy not the grace. This is the proof, and not the faith I try to find. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

If I never loved you, If I never felt your kiss. If I never had you. I know that I... I still would have mourned you. I would have missed your smile. If it wasn't so worth it, This wouldn't be... Oh, this wouldn't be

The bad before the worse. And the storm before the storm. I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor. This is the bend before the break. This is the mercy not the grace. This is the proof and not the faith I try to find. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

I know this is gonna get better, oh. I know this is gonna get better, oh. I know...

This is the bitter not the sweet. This is the take, and not the keep. And I haven't even reached the bottom of this ocean floor. This is the bend before the break. This is the mercy not the grace. This is the proof and not the faith I try to find. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.

Yeah. There shouldn't be good in goodbye. There shouldn't be a good in goodbye. 

Chapter 9 - The Conclave