freya-remy

[freya-remy]

Person B: We’re going to jail.

Person A: Together? Oh, how romantic.

[freya-remy]

Is it weird to want to set an office printer on fire just to feel something? Asking for a friend. The friend is me.

[freya-remy]

“You broke into a government facility.”

“Broke in? No. Entered dramatically? Yes.”

“How is that better?”

“I brought snacks and wore a cape. I elevated the experience.”

(↘️Short story under the More thingy↙️)

Title: Cape, Snacks, Chaos

It had taken six hours, four furious phone calls, and one very flustered security chief before Person B finally got the full story.

They stormed into the observation room, heels echoing like gunfire across the concrete floor. On the other side of the glass, Person A sat cross-legged on a metal chair, sipping a juice box and looking like they were on vacation. The cape—yes, an actual cape—was draped over the back of the chair like a fashion statement no one asked for.

Person B pressed the intercom button. “You broke into a government facility.”

Person A perked up immediately, waving cheerfully. “Broke in? No. Entered dramatically? Yes.”

Person B’s eyes closed slowly, as if trying to pray the migraine away through sheer willpower. “How is that better?”

“I brought snacks and wore a cape,” Person A replied, gesturing vaguely at a glittery tote bag on the floor beside them. “I elevated the experience.”

Later, when the initial fury subsided into grim, begrudging tolerance, Person B sat across from them in the interview room. No cameras, no agents. Just the two of them and the ticking clock on the wall.

“You were supposed to be discreet,” B said flatly.

“I was discreet,” A said, popping a gummy bear in their mouth. “No alarms, no casualties, and the only camera footage is me doing a little spin with dramatic flair. You’re welcome.”

Person B stared. “You pirouetted.”

“Gracefully.”

“And saluted a security robot.”

“He looked lonely.”

Silence stretched between them. Person B folded their hands tightly on the table. “You also left a handwritten note on the director’s desk.”

Person A shrugged, entirely unrepentant. “It said ‘You’re welcome’ and had a doodle of me winking. Honestly, it adds charm.”

“You are not charming.”

Person A leaned forward, grinning. “And yet here you are. Still talking to me. Still trying to stop me. Still watching surveillance footage of my cape in slow motion.”

Person B opened their mouth, paused, then closed it again with a defeated sigh. God help them—they had rewound that spin. Twice.

[freya-remy]

Zayne: "Why do your plans always involve fire?!"

Sylus: "It’s effective."

Xavier: "And therapeutic."

Zayne: "Therapeutic for whom?"

Sylus & Zayne (simultaneously): "Me."

I've been going on a LaDS (Love and Deep Space) kick lately :3

[freya-remy]

A: "Do either of you even remember what we're arguing about?"

B: "He exists, and it annoys me."

C: "Funny, I had the same thought about you."

A: "Great. Glad we're making progress."

B: "Was progress the goal?"

C: "At this point, survival feels more accurate."

[freya-remy]

"I thought we agreed not to sabotage each other."

"We agreed not to get caught sabotaging each other. Subtle difference."

[freya-remy]

Person B: "Have you ever accidentally killed someone?"

Person A: "Define accidentally."

Person B: "Never mind, I don't wanna know."

[freya-remy]

Person A: "Is this legal?"

Person B: "Legal-ish."

Person A: "What does 'legal-ish' mean?"

Person B: "Nobody important has complained yet."

My work life in a nutshell.

[freya-remy]

"Do you even have a moral compass?"

"Yes, but it's just for decoration."

[freya-remy]

"They called you 'the problem.' Should I even ask?"

"It's probably safer for your sanity if you don't."

[freya-remy]

Person A: "Why do you always make things harder than they have to be?"

Person B: "Because ease is the enemy of art."

Person A: "This isn’t art. This is sabotage."

Person B: "Semantics. But thank you for noticing the creativity."

[freya-remy]

Person A: "Did you seriously just shapeshift to avoid a meeting?"

Person B: "I call it creative delegation."

Person A: "You turned into a goat."

Person B: "Exactly. No one bothers a goat. It’s genius."

[freya-remy]

Person A: Are you flirting with me or threatening me?

Person B: I honestly don’t know anymore.

Person A: Great.. now I’m aroused and concerned.

[freya-remy]

Person B: I’d kill for you.

Person A: You’d kill me for me.

Person B: As a gift. Because you deserve the best.

[freya-remy]

Person B: I brought snacks. And explosives.

Person A: You know exactly what I like.

Person B: I am what you like.

Person A: Gross. Accurate, but gross.

[freya-remy]

Person B: You were supposed to be charming!

Person A: I am charming. They just weren’t smart enough to enjoy it.

Person B: You threatened to bite the ambassador!

Person A: I didn’t threaten. I offered. Politely.

[freya-remy]

Person B: You didn’t show up last night.

Person A: I didn’t want to look desperate.

Person B: You left your jacket at my place on purpose.

Person A: Okay, well.. Shut up.