funtybunters

[funtybunters]

Funtybunt 101

Well, Max and I got into our Firm Choice universities (Hull and York respectively), so no biggie. 

[funtybunters]

lmfao you think the holocaust death toll wasn't grossly over-exaggerated so jewish people could claim israel.... what a laugh.

I can’t remember funtybunting about anything to do with the Holocaust, Zionism or any of that contentious malarkey. Though I do suggest that you take care and research into the frivolous statements you make. The Holocaust not only affected the Jews, but it also affected homosexuals, the disabled, mentally ill and Roma, to name but a few, to devastating effect and was one of the most shocking, macabre atrocities and display of human cruelty that the world has ever seen.

Whatever your qualms about Israel may be I’m sure have some grounding, but here isn’t the place, Anonymous. Now, back to fun stuff.  

[funtybunters]

Dark Shadows

I watched Dark Shadows, the film format re imagining of the 1966-71 cult soap of the same name, yesterday. It was pretty shit. Review done.

5/10 

AND WE'RE BACK. *fanfare* 

[funtybunters]

Randy Blythe is an absolute credit to the genre we hold dear; Metal. He is literate, selfless and intelligent. I'd love to see him do an autobiography. Wow.

When I was a little boy, just learning to talk and still figuring out the intricacies of the English language, I would caution others to “be carefully”. Little kids say the funniest things, and they say these things with the sincerity and urgency of those whose possess an extremely limited...

[funtybunters]

Funtybunt 101.

Readers, innocent onlookers, hipster scum, whoever is reading this admittedly frivolous excuse at an intellectual (HAHAHAHA) blog page, you may have realised affairs have been getting rather.. political. This may seem unusual for a page dedicated to blessing the world with satirical nonsense and rants, but, you see, in the UK politics are all over the news and we have taken quite an interest seeing as both myself and Max are within, or almost within, voting age. And shit. If for SOME reason politics don't rustle your jimmies, then there will be plenty of less mind numbing posts with even more twat dazzling features than ever before! We have accumulated some ideas from followers that we will get onto once revision has subsided a bit.

Feel free to send in any of your own ideas and you may (or may not) get a signed nude autograph from the team displaying what can only be described as sex appeal so palpable it will rock your cock. 

Cheers. Moose. 

[funtybunters]

Sums up my view on British politics. Vote not for the big 3, vote for The Green Party, UKIP, the RESPECT Party or any other organisation that speaks to you.

- Max.

Good shout, Max. 

[funtybunters]

The Ugly Face of Trolling

Trolling is on the rise. Today they are not just ‘creatures under the bridge’ so to speak; today they form a complex underground network which, when properly organized, can bring down any website. But there is a much more personal side to this ‘trolling’; for the troll, this means abuse and insult for their own amusement; for the victim, anything from a silly joke to a huge scandal and possible collapse of their career. What’s even worse is that trolling is usually aimed at the newly bereaved.

Trolling is generally understood as stating deliberately controversial views in an attempt to provoke an angry backlash. This means flouting the accepted rules of communication, as discovered by HP Grice; including stretching the truth and going off topic.  Trolls can provoke the victim into what is known as ‘feeding the trolls’ or in laymen’s terms - where they keep responding, feeding them more chances to troll them further. The latter concerns keeping to the topic of conversation to avoid incoherent conversation, in internet speak this is known as ‘going off topic’.

Many argue the cause of this is largely due to internet forum anonymity, where many message boards allow an online alias instead of a real name and picture. If you think Facebook and Twitter are less fertile breeding grounds for this past time, you are wrong. Ignore people posting pictures of their unexciting food and statuses, wittering on about their dreary lives – I know it’s a crime against humanity. But just look at the many RIP pages we see for people who commit suicide on Facebook. Pages like these are waiting to be abused; it is possible to make a second account with a phony name and personal information then go onto the page and post whatever you want. If you want a reason to censor freedom of speech other than the entire cast of Geordie Shore, then this is it.

A real life troll - told you they were ugly.

In the media we see countless instances of these phenomena, from more mainstream situations such as Frankie Boyle perhaps taking things ‘a bit too far’ on the subject of Katie Price and Harvey, to stories of the online group 4chan, who are more like an army of Frankie Boyles who don’t mind a bit of child porn. They insidiously hack into networks of organizations they don’t like, or spam a celebrity’s Twitter account - you get the drift.

Continuing with the idea of flouting the accepted norms of human communication, in the anonymous environment of the internet, people say things they wouldn’t normally say in real life; they tend to think there are no consequences such as in the case of the ‘Tom Daley troll’. Seventeen year-old Reece Messer tweeted Tom Daley that his silver medal winning performance ‘let his Dad down’ – this manipulation of the truth is meant to cause a reaction and it quite obviously did with Daley replying “After giving my all… you get idiots sending me this” then retweeting Messer’s comment to all his followers. This may expose the troll, but it also gives him, in this case Mr Messer; fame and notoriety. Showing his ugly, ‘wart stricken’ life to the whole world after emerging from the virtual world he calls home.

They may look cute, but shave that hair off and stick it on their chins and you’ve got an army of Frankie Boyles.

Further relating to maxims, trolls will make use of aggressive expletives to further exile their victim into a state of fear. Urban Dictionary cites an example - "I just found the coolest ninja pencil in existence." Someone replies: "I just found the most retarded thread in existence." Also, annoying, unnecessary ‘fancy’ vocabulary is used with this more Anglo-Saxon use of language to make it seem like the troll is in control. This creates a dominion over the victim, thus making them think the troll is superior intellectually. In addition the pejoratives will further instill a sense of fear into the victim.

While trolling can hurt, it can be good. If you just lighten the hell up at least once in a while, you can get a bit of harmless fun out of it. How about liking someone’s relationship status when they’ve broken up? Perhaps commenting on a status by one of your ‘God bothering’ friends – “There is nothing too hard for the Lord.” You reply “World Peace.” Or my favourite ‘delete comment troll’, where you wait for a whiny status along the lines of “OMG nothing ever works out for me” and then be the first to comment with “That’s because you're hopeless”; one of their friends will tell you to “shut up” and then you delete your comment. It looks like their friend has insulted them! It’s all just a load of harmless fun, isn’t it?

So we should take trolling seriously. But at the same time; we shouldn’t. It’s all a bit of fun at the end of the day, apart from that kid on benefits; he’s the snot-nosed, sewer-crawling, subhuman exception to the rule. So before you starve the trolls of their fun, throw them a juicy troll of your own. Pretend you had relations with their Mother, get them to ask her if you were any good – you obviously were. See? Harmless fun.

[funtybunters]

Taking a moment to say that I adore your writing smile and that your piece on Merkel made me smile. Keep it up :3

Haha. Thankyou so much! It's kind, rewarding words like these that keep us going on Tumblr. If you have any topics you're interested in or would like covering just tell us. Much appreciated :) 

[funtybunters]

Who do you think you are kidding, Mrs Merkel?

Surprisingly, it would seem ravenous spending and bottomless hunger for luxury comes at a price, and ‘’finally it’s time for Greece to pay’’ says IMF leader Christine Lagarde. Ever since I learnt about this EU conundrum in the news, I decided to look into it and found it a refreshing alternative to getting angry at pop culture and social networking; you could say I've transcended into cultured realms of sarcastic critique. But don’t.

Since Greece joined the Eurozone in 2001, they’ve been on quite a journey – from being the fastest developing country in the EU to feeling widespread dissatisfaction of austerity measures employed in May 2010 in order to counter crippling debt crisis. Following on from this, after being denied quick bailout by Germany, the EU and IMF provided 110bn euros of bailout loans to Greece, to help the government pay its creditors. Then, upon realisation that the Greek economists lack prudence, akin to an impetuous teen overindulging in alcohol to later find themselves a morose figure crying on a toilet, smeared in questionable bodily fluids, a second 130bn-euro bailout was agreed last year, with a further 40bn shaved off the final debt by generous EU benefactors.  

- That guy from the iconic Banksy painting throwing a white Lion Bar. Take that, establishment.

You’d have thought that would be enough to set Greece on the road to recovery, however, they have proven to be disinclined to withstand the birthing pains necessary to revive their tenuous economy. It’s not just Greece that is in dire straits though; Ireland, Spain, Portugal, Cyprus and Italy are also amongst the several countries applying for IMF loans. Contention between these countries and Germany (the only state seemingly unblemished by the Euro debt crisis),due to refusals for bailout, has provided a basic Europe vs. Germany arrangement – and the last time that happened, things didn’t turn out so well.  

  - ''If this doesn't scare Merkel into letting us destroy ourselves, I don't know what will?''

As if that wasn't enough, right wing extremist group members of The Golden Dawn (Greece) have not only berated Germany and its leaders as the pejorative and inflammatory term, Nazis,, but have advocated attacks on German immigrants. I assume what you’re thinking is along the lines of ‘but they’re neo Nazis themselves?’ or ‘what is Jesus doing about all this?’, but alas, the contradictions bore deeper. Many of Golden Dawn’s ‘’we’re not racist, but...’’ members have applied the ultimate stigma to Merkel in the most irrelevant and dishonest way; they have labelled her ‘’Hitler’s daughter’’, which is ridiculous coming from a party that actually uses Nazi symbolism. Though of course the Golden Dawn leader, Nikolaos Michaloliakos, won’t realise this as he’s clearly too busy oscillating between Kentucky fried chicken and hate mongering. 

- ''That'll be three family buckets for me and Bluto here''.

80 years ago this month a nasty chap named Adolf Hitler, the autocratic Nazi dictator and architect of the atrocious Holocaust, had swiftly implemented rearmament, planned promising unemployment curbs and consolidated his position of Chancellor with an ostensibly plausible condemnation of his enemies. He did this within a month in office. So say whatever you want about him, but Hitler really did get shit done… even if it did cost untold misery; sort of like a more macabre Jim’ll Fix It, but then I’m not allowed to say that.

 Now now, don’t misconstrue the point I’m leading towards here; even if it might feel like I’m meandering a tad, this is all crucial context. Don’t think for a second that I have any empathy for Hitler, for I do not (although I do believe every monster has its Frankenstein). Hitler was a madman; a madman so hell bent on rampant conquest that it plunged Germany into total war; a madman whose very wiles enacted the vile persecution and murder of millions; a madman whose vision transformed and indoctrinated an entire population to act with him, or not all. What he did was so wretched? so barbaric, that the very thought arouses profound sadness; you have but to look at a world map and spot Israel as a poignant reminder of the despair the Nazi regime wrought.

And yet, somehow remarkably, if not admirably (to a degree), he managed to singlehandedly uplift and motivate a nation then bereft of pride and utterly crippled by the austerity of the Treaty of Versailles. But how did this one man manage it all? Well believe it or not, it was his simply astounding oratory skill.

Admittedly suppression was a factor, but Hitler’s rhetoric was so unparalleled that it manipulated a free thinking people to relinquish democracy and instead harbour a demented sense of righteous self-interest, which hopelessly impeded reason and understanding. On stage and at rallies his presence was such that aroused reverence; his sonorous speeches, animated by his trademark flamboyance, incited great adulation. Germany loved him.

This appears to be the only pertinent link between Merkel and Hitler. Germany loves her too; yet she is completely divergent rom Hitler in all terms of personality and technique. Where he was a notably flamboyant and charismatic chancellor, she is pensive with the emotional range of a brick wall. Where he was as seemingly ubiquitous as syrupy, modern day pop bands, Merkel, although deeply earnest, is reserved and quite enigmatic. She is nothing like him, nothing at all.

- Now look what you’ve all done, you’ve upset her!

The only slightly conceivable development from Golden Dawn opposition is into her true intentions. Her reticence has fuelled European opposition clamour that her real intentions are as dubious as the contents of a TESCO beef burger, but no such doubt has affected her outstanding approval ratings back home or with relatively stable nations.

Now if that isn’t a conspicuous sign for Nikolaos Michaloliakos and his xenophobic rabble to pipe down and let the grown-ups deal with subject matters far beyond their close minded capacities, then I don’t know what is.

However, one thing I would be cautious about is Merkel’s legacy. She’s opened up quite a powerful position in Europe; it just takes an ill minded person to take advantage of that power and, well... Let’s not think about it eh? It’s the Easter holidays! 

(This was done during Easter as coursework for English A level - so that's probably why it's a bit more tame than usual).

[funtybunters]

The controversial ''No Shoulder Charge'' rule.

I love Rugby. Rugby League? Rugby Union? Whatever code, it doesn’t matter in my opinion; both are great sports with great qualities that are widely unparalleled when it comes to display of sheer strength, skill and determination. So I’ll just say this now, whatever your opinion in the ‘which code is better hurrdurr” dispute, take it to a fetid microblogging site or, even better, some dusty recess of a forum site where noone will see it, because essentially on this post, at this time - I could not give a shit.

 

The matter at hand is more specific. I don’t know if any of our readers follow Rugby League at all, but the incredibly controversial ‘shoulder charge’ ban has been relatively prominent in sports news recently, flaring up like that annoyingly ubiquitous Will. I. Am. chap, or, as I like to call him: Will. You. Please. Die. 

What started off in the Australian league NRL has quickly become universal as worldwide RFL bodies have also took it upon themselves to restrict the exciting spectacle of aggressive collision from the game, leaving a warpath of vehement dispute in it’s wake. Fans and players alike have stormed onto the press and, alas is the times, social networking sites to broadcast their censure of the rule change making statements as far ranging as ”Banning the shoulder charge is ludicrous. If players can’t get it right, penalise them harshly.” to  ”the ban is turning people off the sport.. league is losing it’s spectacle„ it might as well be as soft as football seeing as there is no scrum either”. Mark Geyer, the NRL legend himself who is now a prolific rugby analysist, spoke wise words when he broke down the issue for the media. Geyer played in the era when shoulder charges were as common in a game as a dive in a football match. Summarised, he said of the 500 tackles a game, that equate to around 80,000 in a season, only 10 shoulder charges have gone wrong. Those shoulder charges were made with poor technique from people inexperienced in the manoeuvre or simply due to unfortunate variables at the time of collision, such as a slip or torso facing away from the attacker. Surely, the ban is a grievous overreaction when analysing the facts? Why relinquish a spectacular component of the game which both fantastic to watch and, arguably, always set it above union in terms of defensive game? 



- To be fair, I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong end of this guy.

Well, it would be remiss of me to not consider the plight RFL is under. Basically, they perceive the ban of the shoulder charge as an evolution in the sport. Where the attitude and mentality enveloping the sport has changed, so must the game to cater for these attitudes in a safe and professional way. One could interpret this as a glossy way of saying ”we’re putting League on a trudging descent into tiddlywink tier contact because we feel it is a moral duty”, but we’ll get to that later. To be honest though, the RFL are not uninformed in the decision. Areas of medical expertise, such as Dr Dave Givney, who looks after both Cronulla and NSW, concede that they are “terrified” by the shoulder charge. Stated plainly, the shoulder charge is a very dangerous attacking move with marginal room for error as an impact to the head or neck can result in severe injury. Take young and promising Canberra hooker Matt Frawley for instance. After receiving a crushing, and ignominiously late, shoulder charge from Warriors full back, Kaveinga, that you can watch HERE , Frawley was left with convulsions and was rushed off the pitch to go to hospital. The young star’s otherwise promising career has reportedly been thrown into jeopardy, at least for the meanwhile, as he cannot play for 6 weeks; I am however incredulous of this as you know media have this tenacity to sensationalise every fucking thing. 



I am one to be reasoned and I can see where the officials are coming from, however, one crucial phrase keeps popping up like a sore thumb. It isn’t a dangerous tackle persay, it can be a dangerous tackle when not done correctly, as a sliding tackle in football can be dangerous when performed incorrectly or as a deadlift can be dangerous if performed incorrectly. That doesn’t mean it should be banned! The young Canberra hooker himself raises the sacred point that not only was he against the ban BUT ”There is always a risk in contact sport, you play the game knowing that”. THIS IS A CONTACT SPORT. RUGBY IS A CONTACT SPORT, IT IS NOT FUCKING BALLET. In all of the research I have conducted I have found the same recurring notion that the shoulder charge should not be banned, it should be moderated by the implementation of more punitive measures against those who commit poor techniques or those showing a deliberate and malicious aim when exercising its use. It is simple, a player will be disinclined to perform the tackle if there is any doubt. Why should a whole sport be universally ransacked for the mistakes of a measly few? It’s not only nonsensical, it’s preposterous. 



- Boom. 

I now find myself watching games that would formerly mount tension til it’s simmering in the atmosphere at a palpable level being denigrated into a boring, though still intensely paced as league will never lose, game of catch pass repetition with reluctant tackles because each side is afraid of being sent off for a ‘dodgy tackle’. The aggression has been taken out of the equation, the defensive game is mostly devoid of ferocity and suffers for it as, from a spectator’s perspective, it appears laboured and blatantly restricted by the burdensome rulebook. It has to change. 

Saying that, the Widnes vs Wakefield game this week did manage to rekindle the flame of hope for the ailing game. I was weighing up the option of switching the channel when I witnessed ferocious, hard hitting tackles I was used to, complemented by finesse in attack that wasn’t deterred by reluctant defence. The teams were really getting stuck in. So, perhaps, there is a brighter horizon awaiting League (well, once they sort out their financing, fuckin’ thatcher that) but it will take time for the great sport to either adapt to, or abandon (hopefully), the rule change. Either way, I hope that my time this late at night wasn’t wasted and a few rugby lovers themselves opt to comment on this post with their opinions - which I would regard with the utmost content. Seriously, comment with your ideas though, otherwise I’ll look a bit of a dick. 

I’ll leave this food for thought maybe.. When a problem arises we shouldn’t just abandon it completely, we should look for ways to ameliorate it, to prevent it from happening again. Although this is a bit of a hyperbole, and probably complete fallacy, take poverty for instance. To rid an area of poverty you don’t merely prescribe the impoverished with food and other essentials, that is only a short term deliverance. You (should) aim to provide them with the ability and opportunity of independent subsistence, so that their lives can improve and they are relatively autonomous - that is long term deliverance. 

Try to apply that to this scenario? If you can.. I certainly can’t because I’m absolutely Barry Manilowed. 

[funtybunters]

The Great British Disillusionment

I remember when I first became interested in politics, it seemed a place of opportunity, a way to get your voice heard. Unfortunately, this awareness of what is happening in our country has made me feel that I am not represented by either the Coalition of Tories and Liberals or the party whose ideology I once supported; the Labour Party.

I am just one of many. Voter turnout is diminishing, people feel as if their vote is pointless, we feel isolated; like our views don't matter. I think it's quite perplexing to think your leaders are so out of touch, so concerned with themselves that they immediately bow to what someone else says, completely u-turning on their ideology they hold so 'dear'.

I want to reference Margaret Thatcher if I may, because here is a leader (while divisive) who stuck to her ideologies of right wing conservative views. She was a leader; she knew where she wanted to take the country and she always tried to do what was best for our country. I say all of this as someone who is more towards the left of the political spectrum, I look at Progressive Presidents such as Teddy Roosevelt or his nephew FDR as people I would like to see lead our country. These people broke down barriers, tried to put the interests of the people first and interests of the filthy rich second.

The three main parties are getting painfully similar, all gunning for a middle ground and a 'consensus'. Too much compromise is made on values. Take for example Nick Clegg's 'pledge' to vote against University fees or Cameron's 'cast iron guarantee' for a referendum on Europe if he was elected in 2010. NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN he's pushed it back to 2015 - it just stinks of narcissism. "Elect me again and I'll let you have your say" so, number one he lied in the first place, and, number two he's using it as a way to get elected again. Errrrr no thanks.

This all comes from career politicians who have never done a days work in their life, people who employ researchers to find out 'what the common man thinks'... GO OUT AND BLOODY ASK THEM THEN! To use a Northern expression.

Now I don't wish to write a party political broadcast, but the reason I feel much more engaged and energized to comment on current affairs is because of one party and one man. UKIP and their leader Nigel Farage. I was drawn to him initially because of watching The Andrew Marr show where there was a debate on Europe regarding our membership of the EU. I thought he raised some valid arguments... 1) WE CAN ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT LEAVING THE EU! Before it was UNTHINKABLE! If you look at history the closest we got was leaving 'The Common Market' which was basically the EU's fetal stage. Now we have a proper debate between the big 3 as to whether we should leave or not and the advantages and disadvantages.

2) Do we want to govern our own interests? Or do we want our laws made overseas in a federal state? We, the people of our OWN democracy should get a say whether we want a political union or not through a full, free and fair referendum. No hiding the facts and no political spin.

3) We should think for ourselves on this issue. For instance, Mr Cameron says that if we left we could end up like Norway or Switzerland... So we'd be rich? We'd be more democratic? We'd get involved in less pointless wars? Or another example is that we won't trade with Europe, which of course is nonsense. Farage uses the example that Mercedes will still sell cars in our country and we can trade with any European state.

UKIP, furthermore have policies I agree with in regards to immigration control and the impact that has on our welfare state. I and my family owe so much to the NHS, it meant my Nana survived a heart attack, my Mum has worked there for over 20 years paid tax all her life. Yet, after a near fatal car crash (no fault of her own) she will NOT receive any benefits at all due to my Dad being in work and earning a decent wage. Whereas too many people (a minority in the grand scheme of things) use benefits as a 'lifestyle' and have done for generations.

The point is, we're a soft touch when it comes to welfare. An immigrant can get benefits not long after they come over here and they receive immediate NHS healthcare which puts immense strain on our welfare system. Personally, UKIP are speaking for me as a person, they call for stricter immigration in the form of work permits (much like Australia) - I've seen this recently where my brother is going for a job in Australia, and as long as he keeps it for a certain amount of time he will be allowed to remain there. An open door policy just simply does not work.

Regardless of who you support, you should vote for someone who you believe is striving for your interests. Not a career politician who only wants to keep themselves in power. Politics is incredibly important in our day to day lives whether we see it or not; whether we like it or not. It's time for us to get out there and change things for the better.

[funtybunters]

New Meshuggah video is out people! BANG YOUR FUCKING HEADS!

[funtybunters]

Bioshock Infinite Review

As soon as I got the game I reversed the cover on the box to  this.

The end level is incredible fun, you have all the abilities to take advantage of the surrounding environment such as the cleverly placed skylines which really added to the gameplay. Most reviews I've seen just suck the proverbial penis of this game far too much. This game is absolutely stellar with it's ambition, but like anything it has it's bad.

The BAD

My main gripes with the game lie with the gameplay. It just feels more limited, more linear and more boxed off. Firstly, the guns. I have two problems with these - you can only carry two at any one time, however, it does encourage switching out, but I liked the intuitive swapping out to whichever weapon you wanted in the first. Secondly, the guns just seem to lack the imagination of the first game. They're all based off of WW1 replicas and aren't filled with electricity, fire or some goofy power. Thirdly, they don't have any alternate ammo SOMETHING I ABSOLUTELY LOVED ABOUT THE FIRST! Setting traps and hacking bots in the first game was so rewarding and something I missed in Infinite. Yes, they kinda replace this with vigor traps, but you're not encouraged to explore the world and plan your attacks like in the first game.

Second gripe is the upgrade system. Money, money, money. It buys you pretty much all your upgrades apart from infusions which don't get me wrong - I thought they were a cool addition, but remember the satisfaction you got from delving into Rapture's filthy underbelly to uncover a Power to the People machine? Then upgrading your favourite weapon giving it a cool visual addition? 

                                   Thats what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Remember harvesting little sisters by setting up a deadly sport's day hurdle event for a Big Daddy to stumble over? Then spending the hard earned Adam on a plasmid/tonic upgrade? This game doesn't make use of a secondary currency to make you explore it's world, something I held so precious from the first.

Third gripe is the health system. Loved the management of health packs and eve packs in the first game where you could hold many of them at once. Can't do that in this game either. Although there is a shield, but we see this in every goddamn FPS ever. Just thought they might keep some of what made Bioshock feel unique.

Finally, the autosave system. The ability to save anywhere in the first as well as giving autosaves when you entered a new area in the first game meant you were always able to go back a minute before you died.

I just feel that this game is much more linear than the first, all of these mechanics point toward this. However, it is a much more focused game because of it. Personally, I find going off on your own and taking in the world for yourself to be much more rewarding than being funneled down corridors shooting enemies /rant over.

The GOOD

The Luteces are deliciously intriguing and charmingly British, playing into the story incredibly well. Other American developers should take note. PIP PIP TALLY HO WHAT WHAT OLD CHAP!

The story. BY goodness the story is untouchable in this medium. The little clues given all the way throughout the game are wonderful. This is the kind of story which you want to discuss with your friends, research and think about for a long time to come. I haven't been this emotionally invested in a story since a film like Lord of the Rings or a game like Half-Life or, you guessed it! The original Bioshock.

A story is only as good as it's characters and the character you play is Booker Dewitt. You have been hired to get the girl, thus wiping away your debt. This girl is Elizabeth, and she is hands down, the best companion AI you have ever seen. That's right, better than Alyx Vance from Half Life 2. She constantly saves you from the brink of death with salts, ammo, health, money and a new mechanic; tears.

Tears allow you to bring items such as health packs and salts into the world, whilst also adding allies to help you such as Motorized Patriots and Mosquitos. What's more, they tie in very well with the story. As you will see come the end of the game.

      Skylines = sex on rails. No, not with Elizabeth you perverts.

Another new gameplay mechanic is the skylines. Like a rollercoaster train, these give many more options in combat scenarios; do you take the high ground? Or do you zoom around on the skylines whilst shooting your opponents? It brings that fantastic Bioshock feel that is missing from other elements of the game.

Infinite not only pulls these mechanics off well, it looks great while doing it. The brute force of the Unreal Engine is not that star of the show here, it's the art style. It looks slightly cartoony whilst in keeping with the art style of the turn of the century. You just have to look at the vigor explanation videos to see some of the inspiration, as well as all the posters and artwork, which, for the first time in any game I can remember, are not blurry and are actually READABLE!

All in all, this is a different game to the first Bioshock. It is obvious that the developers could not reach some of the lofty ambitions they set themselves in those gameplay demos about 3 years ago. But, they definitely achieve a lot of them with a game that pushes forward storytelling in this medium. A game that pushes forward AI. And a game that pushes forward the FPS genre, as well as video games as a whole. It is a game that (despite my minor gripes) stands as tall as the first game, whilst interweaving it in an incredibly thoughtful and intelligent way. Bioshock Infinite lights the way down the dark tunnel of meaningless military shooters and points at a future of next generation storytelling that we all crave.

I will post a discussion of the entire plot, with focus on the ending of the game sometime soon. So finish the game and tell me your thoughts on the game. Game.

PS. Don't rage at me for criticizing, I am one of the biggest Bioshock fanboys there is. The first game is like my baby - I have played through it about 4 times. Take it easy on me WOULD YOU KINDLY? OLOL.

[funtybunters]

Gimme Summa Dat Sweet Sweet Shuggah!

Meshuggah is probably one of the most difficult bands in metal to describe, but that is what makes them so interesting to listen to; the seemingly random rhythms, the percussive chug of the guitars, the complex song structures... they're just in a league of their own.

The first time I listened to them was through disovering them through the 'Similar Artists' feature on Spotify. The first song I listened to - 'Bleed', absolutely terrified the hell out of me, it sounded like machines had taken over the world, and a group of them had decided to form a metal band.

About a year later they released the successor to Obzen, and the album I will be reviewing; Koloss.

Some samples of their cheery lyrics from this album:

They know you. They see all.

They know all indiscretions Compiler of your dreams, your indignations.

Following your every single move They know you.

  Arbitrarily you harm. Snap your fingers, cue demise.

Murder on impulse. Your evil inclinations wrapped in lies.

But don't let the lyrics put you off, some of the words can be hard to decipher because y'know, they're Death Metal vocals. I quote what Amon Amarth (a Death Metal band) said during a gig I was at once "COME ON GUYS YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE WORDS IT'S FUCKING DEATH METAL SING WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

As for the instrumentation, it's damn near perfected. The mix of all the instruments -  how the bass compliments the 8 string guitars, the ambient sections. It all serves the central three objectives: groove, groove and more groove. The writing also is very tight, in comparison to Obzen which I would argue is much more experimental and thrashy; Koloss is more focused on groove, riffs and it's not as afraid to slow it down. You could even say it's a bit more simplistic. In a good way! All the staples are there however, the syncopated grooves, polyrhythms and the feeling of "WHEN DO I BANG MY HEAD THERE'S TOO MUCH GROOVE IT SOUNDS LIKE FOUR SONGS AT ONCE" - the solution to that problem is to follow dat snare drum. 

The stand out songs for me are definitely Demiurge because of it's powerhouse grooves; Do Not Look Down due to Thordendaal's awesome solo and Break Those Bones Whose Sinews Gave It Motion because of it's dark ambience. But really, all the songs are awesome.

A special mention has got to be made for Thomas Haake, the band's drummer. He is the work horse of this band, the master of groove. He is what all the other band members follow and play around. He is what you tap your foot to or body pop to if you're like me... 

Summing up this COLOSSAL album then. It is definitely the most accessible Meshuggah album to date, it doesn't have to be listened to from beginning to end, the songs individually are kept pretty short (about 5-6 minutes) and it's some of the most concise song writing they've ever done. My advice? Go and buy summa dat sweet 'shuggah and put some on yo' pancakes as Leo and Satan would say.

[funtybunters]

beautydiscovered said: Classic..forever and always! Must we never forget the pioneers of real music…and yes by real music I mean rock and metal…I die a little inside at the sound of Bieber and Nicki Minaj, but progressive metal always revives me!

Haha! Thanks for reading! Prog Metal is probably my favourite genre of music so there'll probably be a lot more posts about it down the line. Listening to Periphery's second album and wondering if I'll ever be able to come close to their guitar player :'(

- Max.

[funtybunters]

I would guess at most of you not knowing what this sub genre is. The best way I can describe it is a type of Progressive Metal which, stereotypically focuses on heavily distorted rhythms, created by usually a 7 or 8 string guitar which is basically a guitar-bass hybrid.

But there is much more too it than that my friends. I am adamant that even that person you know with the most rage inducing music taste (the one that likes the Nicki Minaj feat. Justin Bieber song, yeah that pile of horsewank) can get something out of this style - which is probably even younger than dubstep. That's Mr Sheen shiny my friends.

There are obviously many different bands in this genre, but all of them I find (the good ones anyway) have a distinct sound. Meshuggah are narrowly focused on dissonant rhythm and groove; very experimental, and as Black Sabbath are the fathers of Heavy Metal, Meshuggah are the fathers of Djent.

Many other bands make use of the 8 string guitar's full range however, take Periphery and Animals As Leaders who have both pushed Djent to new melodic, virtuoso levels and feature some of the most gifted guitar players period. They know their technique for sure, but they incorporate so much feeling into their playing - Tosin Abasi, the songwriter and lead guitarist for AAL has a distinct Jazzy sound.

With the genre being the brainchild of younger people today, it has embraced new ways of distributing music. Take for example Bandcamp... MOST BANDS GIVE AWAY THEIR MUSIC FOR FREE! That can't be right, it's one of the only times I've felt guilty for pressing a download link. Well apart from that huge 2Gb video... moving on.

Now I leave you with Jimi Hendrix... OF THE 8 STRING GUITAR. Yeah, you're the ones stereotyping, not me!

Max.

[funtybunters]

There and back again.

I am delighted to say I'm watching the Hobbit again, so expect a brief personal review  of, what I regard as, an audacious and resultantly astounding movie that would do J.R.R Tolkien proud. 

Though saying that, if I am up to my neck with work, I'll have to postpone it for a later date - probably in between exams or at the end of January. 

THE WARGS MAN. AND THE EAGLES. Hngggggggggggg.

I fucking love Middle Earth.