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futureparent · 6 years ago

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Things my brother says online

My brother is always on discord playing games with his friends and these are some of the best things I’ve heard so far. Brothers are weird.

You sassafras looking ass

Stupid opioid

You fucking ear rapist

Fo’ sho’ dizzle man

Haven’t you ever heard a black Pearson say ‘dizzle man’ ?

EAT MY JUICE! MY PURPLE DRINK!

You are like an atomic butt plug.

Big Bad Beanie Boy’z Brand Bagel Bites

You were Skype fucking!?!?!

(A whole conversation about having sex with a 13/14 year old and Skype sex and who is and isn’t gay.)

There is only one thing in my room that is long and it’s not my peepee.

(A whole conversation trying to figure out what I think is how a girl deep throated a dick “But looked its curved. Otherwise it would have gone straight through her throat”)

(He keeps talking about his friends penises)

I think your pee is turning “gamer green”

On a scale of 1-10 how much of a galvanized gibbend are you ?

Don’t let Jesus get my orb! Don’t let him!

You’re basically raping Jesus, good job Andrew.

Isn’t that quacking crazy !?!

Why would you forsake the taco ?

My favorite superhero is Daddy America

If you ever want to punch an orphan, just do it. What’s stopping you ?

If some random creep asked me to draw someone cutting their tongue off and I was gonna make a decent living off of it, they could have whatever they want.

Life is gay

“My dick is in flames” yea Ariana Grande definitely said that.

The farmer is not racist you idiot.

I love how she’s eating the dead baby’s chin.

*In a strange accent* Give me that shield juice. Oooooohhh!

His net worth is ten dollars. In comparison, we are nothing.

Let me pull the snake right out of you.

Welcome to Diners, Drive’n’s, and Trash.

Everyone’s hankering for a family meal that fills well. What a beautiful word, hankering. You could commit vehicular man slaughter if you’re hungry enough.

When ordering the Burger King lettuce you may want to avoid the fungus covered limp stuff.

Yes, fact, old blood is just oxygen.

You defiantly want the red stuff not the gross brown stuff with the chunks.

Is it a penis ? It’s Obama! It’s Obama! No, it’s Steve Harvey ? Oh well.

I know Jew too.

Those are people! Shoot!

No more buck$ for starbuck$. No more support for Israel.

Manly Monday, Waffle Wednesday, French Toast Friday. I prefer French Fuck Friday.

You can now hang yourself my friend.

What did Hitler even need the Jews for anyway ?

Oh yes, my Jew powers will automatically activate.

*Sighs dramatically* William...

I don’t really understand the genitalia area. That’s good cause the pants area looks weird.

They can’t cry if they aren’t breathing!!!

He’s kickin’ it with Jesus and your down here in this shithole. How does that make you feel ?

We’re both Jewish, we’re basically best friends. (In reference to Jesus)

My mom is so much cooler than Cooking Mama.

My grandmother could take on Cooking Mama with her bad hip... never mind.

#brothers #brothers are weird #quotes #family #weird #why is he like this?#he knows i can hear him but that doesn’t stop him #he just screams louder

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futureparent · 7 years ago

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Prompts

Some of these are original, some are from things I’ve seen in life. Feel free to use and repost!

These are in no particular order just how I came up with them and wrote them down.

Some of these contain swears

There are 167 of these just be warned. Sorry not sorry. Ignore the weird spacing, my computer is being weird.

1) “I don’t exactly hate you but if you were on fire and I had a cup of water, I would drink it”

2) (in response to getting injured) “You wound me. Literally. You just actually wounded me”

3) “Oops?”

4) “Shock me - say something intelligent”

5) “I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck”

6) “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, but I thought you already knew you were stupid”

7) “What is this? Let’s get away with murder club”

8) “Fight me!”

9) “Isn’t your arm broken?” “Possibly”

10) “Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?”

11) “It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself”

12) “Are you clinically insane or just incredibly annoying?”

13) “I feel like I got hit by a car”

14) “So, why did I have to punch that guy?”

15) “I hope you know my name is actually ...”

16) “So, what if I broke my arm, I’m still doing it”

17) “Ignore him, he’s just lonely”

18) “I’m not cute and adorable, I’m terrifying and ferocious”

19) “I warned you, I’m an asshole”

20) “I am a five-foot one-inch ball of pure rage!”

21) “Do the thing!”

22) “Imma do the thing!” “Don’t do the thing” “I’m gonna do the thing”

23) “Did you forget your line?”

24) *sighs dramatically* “Line!”

25) “Are you sure you want to do this?” “No, not really, But I never am and I’m not gonna start now.”

26) “I have a plan” “A successful plan that won’t end in embarrassment and/or detention?” “I have no plan”

27) “Hi, uh sorry, this is awkward but, that’s my seat?”

28) “You are a crazy ball of contradictions, aren’t you?”

29) “It's a beautiful day to give me money”

30) “Don’t touch anything”

31) “Hang on, let me out in some pants”

32) “Sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments”

33) “Okay old man”

34) “I’d rather face death”

35) “Did I stutter?”

36) “Get on with it already”

37) “It’s not funny”

38) “Hey. Hey, you’re okay. I’m okay. We are all okay”

39) “That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea. Let’s do it and see what happens”

40) “I hate you” “Why? I’m lovely”

41) “Weren’t you trying to kill me three minutes ago?”

42) “Bite me”

43) “Shh... Let me wear your shirt in peace”

44) “Who are you? And is that my shirt?”

45) “What? Sorry, I do my best to block out the stupid around me’”

46) “What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

47) “What would you do if I punched you right now?”

48) “We aren’t dating but I’m going to randomly kiss you”

49) “Are you- are you flirting with me?”

50) “Is that what you call flirting?”

51) “I never imagined myself in a dress”

52) “That’s not a good sign”

53) “I’m channeling my inner white girl”

54) “What are you so afraid of?”

55) “Do you trust me?” “No” “Smart”

56) “Why are your hands (color)?” “That is a very good question”

57) “This is hard”

58) “Respect existence or expect resistance”

59) “you’re a psychopath” “I prefer creative”

60) “Well, you can’t plan a murder out loud”

61) “Why are you so quiet?”

62) “Why are you so loud?’

63) “Wha- what, what is this?”

64) “Are you sure you two aren’t married?”

65) “Why can’t they see they’re meant to be?”

66) “We are dating now. You have no choice in the matter”

67) “So... wanna make out?”

68) “Your lips taste like coffee”

69) “It’s an experiment!”

70) “For science!”

71) “Oh! That was why you were laughing. I thought there was a donkey hidden somewhere”

72) “You might be an idiot, but you’re my idiot”

73) “Let’s cuddle”

74) “You lied to my face”

75) “Just shut up already”

76) “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you, or shove you off a cliff”

77) “Growing up is overrated”

78) “On a scale of one to ten how likely are you to date me?”

79) “You are necessary. I need you”

80) “Do you really need all that candy?”

81) “Do you really need to ask?”

82) “Are you sure I can’t punch them in the face? Not even just a little?”

83) “Have you ever loved someone so much it actually hurt?”

84) “I trusted you” “Well then you can’t really blame me, can you? It was your mistake”

85) “Their crying what do I do” “Comfort them” “How do I do that?”

86) “So, I kind of think that there is a 327% chance that I’m in love with you”

87) “No?”

88) “Hi? Hi?!? All you can say is Hi?!?”

89) “I am not wearing enough clothes for this”

90) “Fuck it”

91) “Could you possibly be any stupider?”

92) “Is there any chance you could, I don’t know, not?”

93) “How about no?”

94) “Finally!”

95) “Why won’t they/you just kiss already?”

96) I’m going to make them realize their feelings for each other if it’s the last thing I do”

97) “Is this one of those times you want me to lie to protect your delicate emotions?”

98) “Remove you hand or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it”

99) “Your hair is so soft”

100) “Come here, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working”

101) “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m worried about you. No one deserves to be alone”

102) “you’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this”

103) “I’ve had a rough day and all I want right now is someone to cuddle with me”

104) “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

105) “It’s too early for this?”

106) “But then I’d have to put pants on”

107) “You are bleeding all over my carpet”

108) “You broke it didn’t you?”

109) “I miss(ed) you”

110) “I’ve missed this”

111) “Is that/this really necessary?”

112) Are you my parent or my s/o?”

113) “Don’t make me come over there”

114) “No seriously, I do not want to get up”

115) “I think I might be pregnant”

116) “Guess what, there’s a baby in me!” *Jazz hands*

117) “I want to marry you”

118) “Let’s do something crazy”

119) “Really is that the best you could do?”

120) “Is that really the best you could come up with?”

121) “What even are we?”

122) “I give up”

123) “Leave me alone”

124) ” I’m not in the mood right now”

125) “If you want to talk, talk”

126) “I may not look it, but I am listening”

127) “Just because I act like I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t care”

128) “Why are you always so grouchy?” “Allergies” What are you allergic to?” “Positivity”

129) “I’m getting real tired of having to pretend to care”

130) “With this smile, I can get away with everything”

131) “Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture”

132) “Judge if you want, we’re all going to die. I just intend to deserve it”

133) “Excuse me, I have to go a scene”

134) “Y’know, that’s not what an apology sounds like”

135) “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be having an existential crisis in the corner”

136) “This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I shall die upon it” “Shut up, we’ve only been hiking for twenty minutes”

137) “You are an insult away from starting a war”

138) “Literally everything about this is illegal”

139) “I had a thought” “Oh no”

140) “Oh boy”

141) “Your imperfections are perfect to me”

142) “You are necessary. I need you”

143) “You seem so nice, but you are so evil. How?” “People are willing to do things for you if you’re polite’

144) “Oh my gosh that would look so cute on you”

145) “Oh, my profanity is offensive? So is your sensitive fucking nature, so we’re even”

146) “You are currently crushing my spleen” “You don’t even know where your spleen is”

147) “Why are you hiding behind me? What did you do?”

148) “You scared me!” “Well I am naturally terrifying”

149) “You scared me, I thought I lost you”

150) “Don’t you ever don’t that again”

151) “Put some pants on, we’re going on”

152) “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that” “You’re immortal, and I’m going to kill you if you keep saying that”

153) “That has got to be the worst pick-up line in existence” “Don’t worry. That’s just plan A” “What’s plan B?” “To take you hostage”

154) “Keep your morals away from me”

155) “Lie!” “I – what?” “Lie, what you just said, it isn’t true”

156) “You are the worst human being on the face of the planet” “Thanks. Anyway...”

157) “Are you ... crying?”

158) “Stop glaring it was just a suggestion”

159) “Have I ever thanked you for being my friend?” “Uh, no, but tha- ““Good”

160) “Are you even listening to me?”

161) “I have never been so in love before”

162) “My god I love you/them”

163) “Fuck!” “What’s wrong?”

164) “I’m pretty sure I’m in love. Dammit!”

165) “I’m sick, therefore I don’t have to deal with you bullshit today”

166) “Go bother someone else today”

167) “I’m just going to walk away now”

#Prompt #Prompts #writing #writing prompts #prompt list #writing prompt list #writing list #ideas #writing ideas #have fun

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futureparent · 7 years ago

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I have a headcanon request! Moriarty growing fond of a soft Reader would include..?

Hello! Thank you so much for the request!! I hope I do this justice, feel free to give feedback or anything. I can take it. I hope I portray the “soft reader” as you had hoped.

First off how do you two meet?

A library?

A cute, and slightly cliche, cafe?

Does Moriarty just find you accidentally and randomly ‘bump’ into you

Do you know Sherlock somehow and Sherlock acts as a mutual friend

Doesn’t matter

You meet and meet again and maybe just one more time

At first he only agrees to see you again because he’s using you as a cover

He is pretending to be a civilian and you are just the perfect playing piece

But after the second meeting he realizes you aren’t “dreadfully boring” (his words) and agrees to a third meet up

By now Moriarty realizes he’s taking this too far

You are just a goldfish

Someone who has no real purpose

Or maybe he doesn’t realize it but one of his men

It was the last thing they told him but it did stick with Moriarty

He decides it doesn’t matter and invites you to stay with him for safety reasons

He does have plenty of enemies

You don’t know who he truly is at first

Eventually you start to ask questions

Things he can’t answer

Where do you go so late at night?

What is that red stain?

Why am I in danger?

What type of person has dangerous enemies?

So he gives in

You have taken down his walls one by one

You are just so nice, so caring, he can’t help but adore you

He tells you that he is a powerful man with powerful enemies

He says he is worried you could get hurt and that kind of distraction is dangerous

At first you get scared

You hide away

You think things over

But you finally come to the realization that he has never made you feel unsafe

He has never made you feel anything but cared for (a hard thing for him with a temper like his)

So you talk with him

Like adults you talk about why

You talk about how

and Your part in all this

The last part shocks him

You this sweet little thing wants to stay by his side?

He can’t believe it

So you stay

You support him (not murder but Moriarty himself)

You love him

And eventually he loves you two

You can’t help it if every so often you suggest other professions that don’t include killing

You make it clear to him that you don’t and never will condone hurting others

But as long as he never hurts an animal you will stick by his side through it all

I hope this is what you were looking for. I know i didn’t really go into the soft reader but I tried. I hope you liked this! Thanks for the request!!!

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futureparent · 7 years ago

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"Sherlock and John dealing with a drunk reader would include"???? Love your blog! xxx

Hello! I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to respond. I’ve been so distracted with school and I’ve been kind of a mess. Thank you so much for requesting and for enjoying this tiny mess of a blog!

I love you!!!!

I hope this is what you were hoping for, I tried writing instead of a headcanon but if you prefer something else just let me know. It isn’t the best but I’m getting better.

You didn’t specify a gender for the reader so I’ve made them gender neutral.

Warnings: I have never had alcohol and therefore do not know what it is like to be drunk. I’m not very good at tense so if I mess up anywhere, sorry. I swear so the story contains a few curse words. Reader talks briefly about a difficult childhood and distant parents.

You and your very own Scooby Gang were out at a bar to celebrate a difficult case being solved by Sherlock’s brilliant mind. It had been a tough week.

The psychopath had a thing for victims that looked like you, she had a type. You all knew that the easiest way to catch her would be to act as bait. So, long story short, you had to cater to an insane woman until John and Sherlock were able to track your phone and get Lestrade and his back up over to where you were tied up.

So to say you deserved the alcohol was an understatement.

You hadn’t had a drink in a while, so distracted by work and cases that you may have gone a little too far and left all your inhibitions at 221B.

Fast forward an hour and a half and you were drunk.

Not quite blackout drunk, but at this point you had no filter, not that you usually had one, but all your thoughts, especially more personal ones were out in the open. Sherlock and John found this hilarious and were taking advantage of it.

“So (Y/N), do you really find my violin playing as annoying as you say you do?” Sherlock started off, completely unaware of the can of worms he was opening.

You took on a slightly more serious tone, or as serious as you could get while struggling to stand still. “Not really. It just, well it just r’minds me of when I played it, back ‘n the day.”

This brought on some raised eyebrows and a shared look of surprise.

“You?!? Your used to play violin? The hardass, stoic, emotions are for the weak, (Y/N) played violin?” John couldn’t hide the disbelief in his voice as well as he had hoped.

“Yeah. Violin, piano, flute for like two months. My parents wanted me to be accomplished. Or, they did before they realized I was a fuckup and let me do me.”

John, being the most empathetic realized you were too far gone to know what you were saying. He took pity and decided it was time for curfew. “Alright, I think that’s enough emotional trauma for one night. Bedtime boys. (Y/N), you are staying over tonight, you can sleep on the couch.”

“What but Jawn, I still got beer left.” You complained, not ready to call the night yet.

“Too bad (Y/N) you are drunk enough. You already won’t remember tonight, and for your sake I hope Sherlock doesn’t either.” John stands resolute on his point.

Just because he had a good point doesn’t mean you agree, “I elect to ignore that.” and in one big swig you down the rest of your drink.

Sherlock is finding this too amusing and doesn’t really want to done either. “Yeah Jawn we aren’t done yet.” He then turns to you, “(Y/N), you were saying, your parents gave up on you and that’s why you hate my playing.”

John lets out an overdramatic, but well-earned sigh, “Home. Now. The both of you,”

Getting you to leave the bar was hard enough but getting you to lie down and sleep was a whole other battle.

#sherlock #Sherlock holmes #John watson #Request #requests are open #221b baker street #Platonic reader

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futureparent · 7 years ago

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I have opinions and I’m not afraid of the consequences of sharing them.

Supernatural Game

1:What is your Supernatural OTP?

2:What’s your opinion on John Winchester?

3:Which season finale was your favorite/least favorite?

4:Which is your favorite episode?

5:Which episode makes you cry the most?

6:Which episode is the funniest to you?

7:What’s your opinion on Megstiel?

8:When did you start watching Supernatural?

9:Which episode title do you think is the funniest?

10:What’s your opinion on Garth?

11:If you could bring back any character, would you? If so, whom?

12:Who is your favorite angel?

13:Who’s your favorite archangel?

14:What’s your opinion on Wincest?

15:What’s your opinion on Lisa? (and Ben, if you want)

16:When did you start blogging about Supernatural?

17:Do you think that Chuck is God?

18:Do you have a favorite Dick (Roman) joke? If so, what is it?

19:Which is your favorite episode?

20:Who do you ship Sam with?

21:What’s your opinion on Destiel?

22:Did you like the first or second Ruby better?

23:Who’s your favorite demon?

24:Do you read smutty fanfiction?

25:Do you think Destiel will become canon in season 9? (Regardless of whether you want it to or not)

26:Have you ever had a dream about Supernatural/the characters/the actors? If so, can you describe what you remember?

27:Which episode is the scariest to you? (Horror-movie type scary)

28:What’s your opinion on Sabriel?

29:Do you think End!verse will happen? If so, are you looking forward to it?

30:Do you have any friends off of the Internet that watch Supernatural?

31:Do any of your family members watch Supernatural?

32:What’s an unpopular opinion or headcanon you have?

33:Do you like AU fanfics?

34:Have you ever written/started writing a fanfic?

35:What’s your opinion on Samifer?

36:If you have an OTP, at what point did you start shipping it?

37:Do you think Sam should have completed the demon trials?

38:Which director/writer is or was your favorite/least favorite?

39:Which actor would you most like to meet in real life?

40:If you could be any character on the show, would you want to? If so, whom? If not, why?

41:Do you prefer cake or pie?

42:What is your opinion on Sastiel?

43:Have you ever made a Supernatural reference out loud and received strange looks from some of the people surrounding you?

44:Have you ever cried over a non-OTP ship from the show?

45:What is your favorite moment from any of the gag reels?

46:Superwholock?

47:What is/was your favorite Sam hair length?

48:What’s an unpopular ship you have?

49:What’s your opinion on Wincestiel?

50:Can you dig Elvis?

51:Do you listen to Carry On Wayward Son even when you’re not just watching a finale?

52:What’s your opinion on Zachariah?

53:Do you think Adam will ever get out of the cage? (not as Michael)

54:Do you think Sam should have completed the trials?

55:How long would you survive as a hunter?

56:What’s your opinion on Calthazar?

57:Do you have a Netflix account? If so, what’s your username and password? Wait a second, just the first part.

58:Have you ever participated in GISHWHES?

59:What movies/shows have you watched because of (or by coincidence) Jared, Jensen, or Misha?

60:If you could change just one thing about the series, what would it be?

61:If you were at a Con, what would be a question you would ask?(can be any of the actors)

62:Why did you start watching Supernatural?

63:What’s your opinion on Sam/Crowley?

64:What’s your biggest fear for season 9?

65:What’s your favorite (or at least a memorable) pop culture reference that has been made on the show?

66:Just a random confession you have regarding the show/Asker makes up their own question.

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futureparent · 7 years ago

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100 this or that

1. Coffee or tea? 2. Black and white or color? 3. Drawings or paintings? 4. Dresses or skirts? 5. Books or movies? 6. Pepsi or Coke? 7. Chinese or Italian? 8. Early bird or night owl? 9. Chocolate or vanilla? 10. Introvert or extrovert? 11. Hugs or kisses? 12. Hunting or fishing? 13. Winter or summer? 14. Spring or fall? 15. Rural or urban? 16. PC or Mac? 17. Tan or pale? 18. Cake or pie? 19. Ice cream or yogurt? 20. Ketchup or mustard? 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? 22. Comedy or mystery? 23. Boots or sandals? 24. Silver or gold? 25. Pop or Rock? 26. Dancing or singing? 27. Checkers or chess? 28. Board games or video games? 29. Wine or beer? 30. Freckles or dimples? 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? 33. Baseball or basketball? 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? 37. Skiing or snowboarding? 38. Smile or game face? 39. Bracelet or necklace? 40. Fruit or vegetables? 41. Sausage or bacon? 42. Scrambled or fried? 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? 44. Tattoos or piercings? 45. Antique or brand new? 46. Dress up or dress down? 47. Cowboys or aliens? 48. Cats or dogs? 49. Pancakes or waffles? 50. Bond or Bourne? 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? 52. Numbers or letters? 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? 54. Fair or theme park? 55. Money or fame? 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? 57. Snakes or sharks? 58. Orange juice or apple juice? 59. Sunrise or sunset? 60. Slacker or over-achiever? 61. Pen or pencil? 62. Peanut butter or jelly? 63. Grammys or Oscars? 64. Detailed or abstract? 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? 66. Adventurous or cautious? 67. Saver or spender? 68. Glasses or contacts? 69. Laptop or desktop? 70. Classic or modern? 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? 72. Internet or cell phone? 73. Call or text? 74. Curly hair or straight hair? 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? 76. Spicy or mild? 77. Marvel or DC? 78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? 81. Jello or pudding? 82. Truth or dare? 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? 84. Leather or denim? 85. Stripes or solids? 86. Bagels or muffins? 87. Whole wheat or white? 88. Beads or pearls? 89. Hardwood or carpet? 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? 91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? 92. Raisins or nuts? 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? 94. Black leather or brown leather? 95. Long hair or short hair? 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? 97. Fiction or non-fiction? 98. Smoking or non-smoking? 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? 100. Asking questions or answering questions?

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