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gildedphoenix · 2 days

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(2062 words)

7 degrees of Antici-

They say you are connected to everyone in the world by no more than 7 degrees of separation. You know someone who knows someone who knows Morgan Freeman.

Or in this case, Red Hood.

It started out as an innocent comment. Just you, shooting the breeze, with your best friend and roommate. Nothing was ever supposed to come of it. You certainly couldn’t have predicted what DID come of it.

It was a week before your 21st birthday when you and Nathan, your long time best friend and roommate, were talking about plans for your quickly approching twenty first birthday.

“Wouldn't it be amazing to get a lap dance from one of your celebrity crushes?!” You said.

“It's not that outlandish of an idea! There're celebrity impersonators all over that will do everything from birthday appearances to…. Honestly pretty much anything. If you know the right people and are willing to pay the right amount I'm sure that you could even get a lap dance from one of the Bat-family!” Nathan was getting excited now. You could understand why. Nathan had had a long time crush on Red Robin. You're not exactly sure what he saw in the bird, just a little too skinny for your liking, but to each their own.

“Well I already know which bat, or rather which bird, you would get a lap dance from. I know you too well for that! What Rogue would you get an impersonator lap dance from?” Mostly you wanted to put your friend on the spot. Throw him a curveball, so to speak. It's no fun asking people questions they already have the answers to.

“Hmmm.” Nathan pondered the idea for a moment. “If we're just talking about Gotham rogues, I think I would have to go with Poison Ivy. Got to love a woman who knows how to take control. And those vines have some potential!” Nathan waggled his eyebrows at you. “But what about you! It's your birthday that's coming up. What vigilante or rogue whould you go for? Like, impersonator or real thing? Who would you want to sit underneath, forced to keeping your hands all to yourself, and enjoy the best time of your twenty-one years?”

It was an interesting question. Who in the city piqued your interest enough that you would be willing to pay good money to be teased by. There were plenty of attractive options! Men and women. Vigilantes and rogues. Even heroes, since Nathan hadn't actually limited it to Gotham. Though honestly you can't imagine yourself getting a lap dance from someone like Superman. You can't imagine Superman giving a lap dance. The Boy scout of America? Gyrating? Popping it and twerking? You snorted half your drink up even thinking about it. But what do you really find attractive? What catches your eye on the street? And what makes your eyes linger?

“Without a doubt, Red Hood! I mean, sure, I know that he had that thing with the heads and the duffel bag. Kind of the worst kept secret in Gotham. And while he's not really a rogue or a vigilante, more of a crime Lord that doesn't tolerate any shit in his territory, I'm going to pick him. I'm going to pick Red Hood.” You nodded with finality. Secure in your choice. “Because oh my Lordy, Have you seen that man's thighs?!” You flopped back onto the couch cushions. “I've never seen him fight in person but I saw him running across the rooftops one night as I was taking my trash out to the dumpster and I've never been the same since. I'm hooked. Addicted!”

“Interesting,” Nathan said in a way that had you wondering what he was planning.

“But enough of the hypotheticals, where do you want to have your birthday?”

The silly moment of smash or pass was quickly forgotten as Nathan helped you plan an actual birthday party at one of the newer local clubs.

A week later found you and a bunch of your friends hanging out at Tonic, one of the newer nightclubs that still had reasonable door fees. The group had gone in together to reserve the VIP room, saying they needed it for a surprise they’d planned for you later, but you didn’t dwell on it. A new outfit had you feeling good and your friends kept the drinks coming. The bass on the sound system was amazing, each beat resonating deep in your chest until you retreated back to the VIP room for a much needed break.

You knew something was up though, when Nathan actually came to drag you back to the room this time.

But hey, it's your birthday! What better reason to go with the flow and roll with the punches? So back to the VIP room you go, a little unsteady up the stairs but ready to handle whatever Nathan has to throw at you. It turns out that what he has to throw with you is a single chair in the middle of an otherwise cleared VIP room. At this, you start to get suspicious, but sit down anyway.

Nathan is basically vibrating with suppressed joy. “So, do you remember our conversation last week whhile we were planning your party? And how if we could pick anyone in Gotham, you would pick Red Hood?” Nathan was standing in front of the closed VIP room door looking not only at you but also at the other very confused party guests. Because yes, you do remember that conversation but you feel like he's being deliberately vague for the dramatic effect. And maybe you’d had too many drinks, but you're not sure what that conversation has to do with the party that you actually planned for today. That was just a hypothetical, right?

“Happy Birthday!” Nathan steps sideways, out from in front of the door and it bursts inwards, bouncing against the wall. In the gap stands the most convincing looking Red Hood impersonator you have ever seen. (Not that you seen many Red Hood impersonators but that's besides the point)

You don't know who Nathan found, or what service he went through to book this “Red Hood”, but damn did they get the body right! The man in front of you could burst a watermelon between those thighs, and you wanted your head to be that watermelon. You may not survive, but you would die happy.

There were no other thoughts in your brain as those thighs and the brick shit house of a man attached to them stalked closer to you in time with the beat of the bass. The straps of his leather gun holsters wrapped tightly around his thighs, in lieu of actual weaponry, the holsters were loaded with mini bottles of various liquors, and Hood had all your favorites.

Red Hood had finally come as close as he could without yet straddling your legs. And eye level with you sat a shot glass in a cheap plastic holster. Like something you would see at Spencer's. It seemed such a contrast to the fine leather otherwise encasing his thighs. Red Hood leaned down, his helmet next to your face as his modulated voice purred out, “Happy Birthday…Which would you like first?”

You had a moment to be confused but then Hood took a step back and stood up. His hands dragged upwards from his knees, along his thighs, and to the holsters on either side of his hips. From them he pulled two of the mini liquor bottles and held them in front of you. He may as well have been asking you to solve world peace for all the brain cells that you had active at the moment.

“I understand it's a tough decision, so I guess I'll just have to do it for you.” The electronic voice had no business being that smooth. Had no business being that seductive. And had no business eliciting the response from you that it very clearly did. You nod numbly as he pours a shot of whiskey into the glass mounted at center stage, starting low and raising the bottle as your eyes followed. The bottle finally drips empty as it comes level with his pecs. His hand continues upward to toss the bottle over his shoulder. That same hand drifts back down caressing armor and muscle until it reaches the shot glass again, plucking it carefully from its throne to present it to you.

You take the shot slowly, not really savoring or even tasting what's in it, but simply not wanting to lose eye contact with the Red Hood impersonator who has now started to move his body in ways that gave away this impersonator's training as a dancer rather than a vigilante. There is no way that the actual Red Hood would have that level of control and precision with his hips. With his stomach. With his ass.

All too soon the best 5 minutes of your life had come to an end. Judging that you were probably already near your limit, Red Hood and only given you one additional shot throughout the dance. You think it was tequila. He stalked back to the door, “You be good now, okay?”, before closing the door behind him, muffling the music from the main floor and severing the tension holding your spine upright.

“Nathan. What, and I cannot stress this enough, the Fuck.” You rolled your head to face over in his direction. “I don’t think I’m ever going to recover. How did you find that guy. And also thank you. But how?! Where? How does one even find a service to send dancers dressed up as crime lords? I need their business card.”

You rise up from the chair in the center of the room as the others work on reassembling the furniture to what it was earlier. The chips and salsa on the table in the corner call your name so you amble in that direction, not at all steady on your feet.

“Do I get the ‘best gift ever’ award for the day?” Nathan asks, staring you down with his chin propped on his hand.

“I think you get the ‘best gift ever’ award for the year. If not for my whole life. That’s going to be stiff competition to beat.” You realize a moment later the double entendre that slipped out as Nathan lost all composure and burst out laughing. He also dug into the chips on the table.

“Honestly, I don’t know what service it was. You know how Gotham is. I know someone who knows someone who knows a guy. I put feelers out to see if anyone could wrangle a Hood impersonator for a birthday lap dance and then got a message from another number a day later asking for the location and time. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-BOOM! Best gift ever award. I do owe Bill a favor now, but it’s worth it. His favors are usually doable. Small maintenance tasks or running daytime errands for him since he works nights. All worth it for the absolutely stunned look on your face during that dance. I thought you were going to pass out.” He chuckled as he popped another chip into his mouth and washed it down with a beer.

The conversation was interrupted as the door burst back open and the noise from outside flooded back in. It was quickly shut again as Kris, a mutual friend of yours and Nathan’s, turned to the room with a look of disbelief. “Did you guys know that Red Hood was here tonight? What was he doing here?! Do we need to clear out?”

There was a beat of silence before half the room dissolve into laughter.

“Kris, that was a dancer.” Lily assured her. “Nathan got a dancer to impersonate Red Hood to fulfill some crazy fantasy for LuckyTwenty-One over here.” She jabbed a thumb in your direction.

“What? No. Nooooo-nonononono. That was the actual Red Hood. My uncle is in the Goonion and was waiting for him by the door. He collected his guns at the coat check before leaving. That was not a dancer!”

The silence was deafening as everyone in the room pieced together what that meant. What had just happened.

“Wait. Are you telling me that you just got a lap dance from THE Red Hood?!”

Batfam Crack Prompt for Lumi

Reader's friend books Reader a lap dance from a Red Hood look alike. What their friend didn't know was that they got the actual Red Hood!

When Jason saw the request he figured why not, let's make somebody's day!!! This was gunna be fun.

(Happy Birthday Lumi, enjoy your crack prompt!)

#prompts #crack post #reader x character #reader x red hood #Red Hood #Batman #Lap Dance Crack Fic #my writing

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gildedphoenix · 2 days

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Batfam Crack Prompt for Lumi

Reader's friend books Reader a lap dance from a Red Hood look alike. What their friend didn't know was that they got the actual Red Hood!

When Jason saw the request he figured why not, let's make somebody's day!!! This was gunna be fun.

(Happy Birthday Lumi, enjoy your crack prompt!)

#prompts #crack post #reader x character #reader x red hood #Red Hood #Batman

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gildedphoenix · 2 days

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Finally Getting Help (pt 14)

Masterpost

“Do you want to go back to the manor, or do you want to go somewhere else?” Jason asked Danny after a few quiet minutes driving.

“Can we go out of Gotham? Somewhere quiet,” Jason hummed and nodded before switching the com on. “Hey Bruce, will you kill me if I take Danny camping for tonight?” He asked, he knew Danny loved the stars, being away from Gotham’s pollution for a night and getting to properly see the stars would probably help.

There was a pause and then Bruce’s soft response. “No, I know you’ll take care of him, Jaylad. Will you stop by the manor so Alfred can make sure you have everything you need?”

“Ya I’ll do that, will you call him to make sure he has stuff ready for us? Probably a car too since I don’t think I can fit a tent and provisions on the back of my bike,” Jason chuckled.

“Don’t you worry Master Jason, we have a motorcycle trailer I shall pack for you,” Alfred said over the coms.

Jason had forgotten that Alfred was on the coms as Agent A. “Thanks A,” Jason said and then turned off the radio again. “Does that sound good Danny? We’ll probably have to wait a bit for Alfred to pack up some food for us and stuff but getting out of Gotham overnight, being able to see the sky…?”

“Ya, ya Jason that sounds perfect. Thank you,” Danny said, squeezing Jason gently and snuggled against his back.

They pulled up outside the manor and Jason kicked down his bike stand so they could both get off. “Do you want to go in and pack some clothes or stay out here?” Jason asked as he got off and leaned against his bike still.

“I don’t want to go in,” Danny said quickly. Jason knew the feeling, where being surrounded by walls felt like a trap.

“Alright, do you mind Alfie grabbing some clothes for you then?” He asked.

“No, I don’t mind,” Danny assured. “I’m looking forward to getting away from people. I’m glad not to have to be a hero anymore honestly, but I haven’t used my ghost form in a couple weeks and I want to Fly,” He said. “Nothing clears my head like flying as fast as I can.”

“Ya I can imagine. Bruce should introduce you to some of the supers, it would be good for you to spar with someone you can go all out with,” Jason said crossing his arms, not missing the way Danny’s eyes lingered on his biceps, smirking a little at Danny’s moment of distraction.

“Ya, it would probably be good for me to get some training with my powers too. Mom taught both me and Jazz martial arts when we were kids, before things got bad, but that was a while ago and before I got my powers.” Danny said a little vaguely.

Jason nodded and was about to respond when he heard a soft motor, looking up to see Alfred driving a cart over to them, towing a small trailer towards them that no doubt had everything they needed for their camping trip. Maybe even enough from a weekend away in case Danny needed more time.

“I’m sure you have a relatively secure location in mind, Master Jason?” Alfred asked once he came to a halt.

“Ya I do, Gonna get as far away from civilization as I can within a day’s drive,” He told Alfred who gave a thin smile and nodded.

“Very good, be safe you too,” Alfred said, stepping back again.

“We will, thank you Alfred,” Danny said with a little smile, going to stand by the bike, letting Jason get on first again before sitting down behind him again and hugged him.

“Ya, don’t worry about us,” Jason assured as he put his helmet back on and kicked off, speeding back out of the manor drive before anyone else got home. They were probably dawdling to give Jason and Danny time to get out again, he appreciated it, he didn’t think Dick in particular would be able to stop himself from questioning Danny. Even though he would only have the best intentions and all that but now wasn’t the time.

It was a decently long drive to the nearest national park, where Jason went off-roading and in the back. He would make a donation later, he just didn’t want anyone to be able to track that this was where they were. Taking Danny this far away from Gotham and the other Bats was already a bit of a risk with Vlad still at large but Jason had the specter-deflector and blaster Danny gave him with them and he hadn’t told anyone where they were going, they’d be fine. He was good at off-roading and judging from the giggling from Danny he was enjoying the off-road motorbike ride.

When they were far enough away from the road no one was likely to see them there was a bright flash behind Jason and the weight of his bike shifted. He almost panicked Danny had fallen off before he caught movement to his side and glanced over to see Danny, now with white hair and green eyes, grinning at him impishly and racing along at his side flying fast.

“Race you!” Danny said, his voice had an odd echoing chime to it in this form but it was still recognizably his. There was plausible deniability about his identity though, sure as hell more than there was for superman but maybe they should still find him a mask.

“You’re on! But no just going through the trees! If I have to dodge, so do you!” Jason laughed.

“You got it!” Danny cheered.

Jason knew he was going to lose, but it was good to see Danny smiling, pinging between trees like a fucking ping-pong ball with pent up energy from not having used his powers at all for more then a week. Working out all the nerves and jitters as Jason raced along behind him trying to keep up.

Jason thought it was probably an hour of flying/driving before they came to a bank of a lake, he had to turn his bike sideways and skid to not slip into the water as Danny laughed at him.

“This seems like a good place to set up camp huh?” Danny said, his feet finally touching the ground again. Another bright flash made Jason blink and Danny was his black haired, blue eyes self again. “Do you think Alfred packed us swim suits?”

-------

They unpacked everything Alfred had sent them, set up the tent far enough back from the lake they couldn’t be seen across it, and laughed about the amount of food he’d sent them. It was enough to feed an entire team for a week! Still it was good food, and Danny was particularly excited about a chicken soup he’d sent in a metal container that could be heated up over a fire.

Once they were unpacked Jason went to grab firewood, leaving Danny alone in the camp to take his binder off and change his shirt since that one still had jelly on it from the ultrasound. By the time he came back Danny had changed into a hoodie so his chest was barely visible, only when Danny absently rubbed it. When Danny caught Jason staring he gave the other man a shy smile and darted over to steal a kiss, taking half the wood to help Jason carry it to the fire-pit.

Jason set about making a fire while Danny went back to the lake, wading in the shallows since they didn’t have their swimsuits. It was too cool out for an ordinary human to swim anyway, though Danny would probably be fine.

Jason glanced over now and then, watching Danny’s figure as he strolled along the shore, pants rolled up and ankles swishing through the green water without a sound. He piled kindling and lit it easily, stoking the fire and adding bigger logs, sitting back and waiting for some coals to develop while he set up their little camping grill. Once he could pull out some coals he did, put the grill over them and set the food on that to heat.

When the food started to smell good Danny came wandering back over and sat down cross legged next to Jason, leaning against his shoulder. “Alfred’s the best cook in the family,” Jason said as he stirred the food, the soup which was just for Danny, and a chili and rice. “But I’m a pretty damn good cook too, if I do say so myself, you should come over to my place for dinner some time. I’d like to cook for you,” He admitted, it was always a way he showed affection.

“I’d like that,” Danny said, his eyes fixed on the fire and a small smile on his lips. His presence at Jason’s side was comforting and cool. He still seemed like he was a little bit out of it, bouncing back and forth between energy and lethargy, denial and grief probably. Jason had resolved not to say anything until after food, things tended to seem less dire with a stomach full of good food.

Once the food was steaming he used his gloves to pull the grill off the fire, nudging Danny to shuffle away so he could put it down between them. With the spoons he’d used to stir still in them.

“Do you want to share?” Danny asked, trying to hide his reluctance, which was sweet.

“If you want to, but if not the soup is all yours,” Jason assured.

“Thanks. I guess I am eating for three now,” Danny chuckled a little bitterly before he grabbed the spoon and started to eat, blowing carefully on each bite so it wouldn’t be too hot.

They ate in silence, Danny quickly finished off all the soup, which would have been enough for two people but Danny ate a lot. He’d need to eat more before bed no doubt. Alfred had still packed them why too much food but maybe there was a method to his madness anyway. Jason finished most of the Chili and then pushed the rest towards Danny who gave him a sheepish smile but finished that off too.

Jason moved the grill out from between them and Danny scooted closer to Jason again. When he lifted his arm Danny ducked under it so Jason could drape his arm over Danny’s shoulders, keeping the shorter man tucked against his side. “So, do you feel up to talking now?” Jason asked softly and Danny sighed, turning his head to hide his face against Jason’s shoulder for a moment.

“Ya,” He muttered resignedly when he came out of hiding. “It’s not really the babies this time. I mean ya I was still sort of in denial about actually being pregnant and seeing it made it real so that was a lot, but I had already mostly processed it. I want the babies, we’ll set up a nursery at the manor, I’ll have support, hell Bruce would probably even hire a nanny if we need. I’ll be able to finish school, it’s just…” He trailed off for a moment.

“You know, when I was born my dad was a little disappointed, they loved me but they’d wanted a daughter and a son. When I was assigned female at birth and they didn’t want any more kids, he was a little disappointed. When I came out as trans they were So Excited. My dad kept talking about how he knew I’d taken after him! I was going to be a ‘big man’ after all. He couldn’t seem to understand that even though I was a man it hadn’t changed my biology. They were so supportive, my mom Screamed at a teacher who made me cry misgendering me, got them fired.

“They weren’t always bad parents, there were always good days. Ya they’d retreat into their lab for days at a time and we’d have to fend for ourselves, they left guns and chemicals all over the place. I Know they weren’t good parents, but they still loved us, and I loved them. And despite everything half of me really wants them to know their grandkids, wanted my mom to be there holding his hands and have my dad come bursting through the wall because he’s so excited to be a grandpa,” Danny sniffled a little.

“I’ll be a better parent then they were by miles, but it’s sort of scary to know that love isn’t always enough. People who love you… still hurt you. It’s not fair that the good parts are all tangled up in the bad parts, and the bad parts are to bad to let anywhere near me or the babies, especially with the whole, half ghost thing.”

“Ya, it’s not,” Jason sighed, biting his lip for a moment before clearing his throat. “Before Bruce took me in, before I was an orphan, my mom was an addict. Dad was in prison, it was just the two of us. On her good days she taught me to cook, she sang me lullabies, taught me Spanish.” He trailed off and sighed. “On her bad days she was too high to move, or unconscious. She’s be that way for days until the drugs ran out, I’d make sure she ate, try and keep the place clean, hell I had to help her go to the washroom. And I did it, because I was holding on to that last good day, and hoping for the next one. Even when the good days came less and less often near the end.

“Kids love their parents, even when they don’t deserve it. When the parent loves them too a kid can forgive just about any failing and dismiss all the hurt the parents cause because ‘people who love you wouldn’t hurt you’. Truth is the people who love you can often hurt you the worst, because you let them into your head, and rationalize everything they do. So if they hurt you, that must be what love feels like.”

“What do you think love feels like?” Danny asked, voice soft and vulnerable.

“Well, for me I guess I learned what love really felt like when I moved in with Bruce,” though he was loathed to admit it. “When he’d carry me up to bed even though he knew I was only pretending to be asleep, he’d go slow so he could hold me a bit longer because he knew that’s what I really wanted. When he stayed home from patrol with me because I was sick and I wanted comfort, or remembered where my favourite gargoyle was so he could come find me when I was upset. And Alfred, teaching me to cook his family recipes and making me tea when I woke up in the middle of the night with nightmares, never seeming put out he was losing sleep.

“Love is… warm, and forgiving, willing to give you what you need without resenting it. Of course Bruce wasn’t perfect, stubborn, moralistic, self important bastard.” Danny let out an amused snort as Jason continued. “But… I know he did his best, and he never abandoned me. Even when I was dying I knew he was on his way, it sucked that he didn’t get there in time, but I never believed he abandoned me because I knew he never would.”

“I guess that’s Jazz for me. She’s only two years older than me, but she was always there, she showed me how to do just about everything. I thought it was annoying that she was always after me about doing my homework and stuff, but it means she really cared. Not just when she remembered to, or didn’t have anything better to do.

“I guess I’m a little scared of that too. Now that I have a safe home, and she’s 18, she’s going to go to university and make new friends. She knows I’m safe now, so what if she doesn’t… care as much anymore?” Danny asked.

“That’s not going to happen,” Jason said immediately. “She might be around a bit less, but she won’t care any less. That’s what siblings are like. I should know, I have enough of them,” he joked and Danny gave a wet laugh.

“Ya, she deserves to have her own life anyway,” Danny said, but he seemed calmer. They sat in a comfortable silence, watching the sunset across the lake, it was beautiful.

“Sooo, how do you think you want to decorate the nursery?” Jason asked and saw Danny smile.

“I’ll tell you in a minute, now that it’s dark there’s one more thing I have to do to feel better,” He said sardonically, ducking out from under Jason’s arm and standing. “Cover your ears,” he directed as he walked over to the lake.

Jason was confused, but he did as Danny asked as the other transformed into his ghost form. At the edge of the lake he took a deep breath and Wailed, the water exploded up around him forced back by the sound. Jason clamped his hands over his ears more firmly as the sound ricocheted around his skull, it was such a pure rage, fear, and sorrow he could Feel it bubbling in him as well, like it was more feeling than sound. Jason didn’t know how long it was before Danny stopped, collapsing to his knees and changing back into human form, breathing hard.

Hesitantly Jason uncovered his ears and after a moment Danny took a deep breath and came back over to him, collapsing next to him by the fire. “Okay for the nursery I was thinking of a celestial theme.”

They talked for a long time about what Danny wanted for the nursery at the manor. When Jason worked up the courage to suggest if they were still going strong in a few months they should set up a second nursery in his apartment. So Danny could come visit with the babies more easily once they were born, they moved on to plans for that hypothetical. They decided on a forest theme for that one, Jason was looking forward to it. He loved kids, and ya he and Danny were new but he had a really good feeling about this.

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gildedphoenix · 3 days

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"I hired him with a bag of hot cheetos."

"You...hired who?" Joker asked, looking around.

"My bodyguard from my hometown. I hired him." The hostage said, actually sounding bored.

"...There's no one here but you and me, kiddo, and-"

"You and I, actually. His name is Phantom, and he's here right now. Bye."

Then the kid disappeared. Literally. Him, and the bomb he'd been strapped to.

Or; To soothe his parents about his decision to move to Gotham, Danny lied and said he'd bought Phantoms services as a bodyguard with a bag of hot cheetos. Now, whenever he gets into trouble, he just goes invisible and intangible and nopes out.

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gildedphoenix · 3 days

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What I need of the DPxDC "Bruce confuses Danny for one of his kids and accidentally kinda kidnaps him" is to have Danny's parents go absolute apeshit at someone taking their baby boy! their little guy! the most wonderful, most specialest boy ever!

and now whilst Bruce is just realising what's going on and trying to give Danny back, Jack and Maddie already went through half his rogues gallery looking for who could have taken their son! the villains are in shambles! the GCPD doesn't know if they are supervillains too since they are only targeting OTHER supervillains but anyway they Can Not Restrain Them

Danny sees that and just groans and sinks his head in his hands, defeated, and then hears all the cutesy names they are calling him with and wants to die (again) on the spot "our baby boy! our darling bombon! our little starlight!" (ok, he likes that one), "our sweet, sweet little boy!"

in the end, Danny is reunited with his parents, whom get fined for property damage and attacking cops (it was the cops' fault. acab), and they are hugging Danny and grumbling about the fine ("what did they expect? what parent wouldn't tear down the world for their child?" Jason, looking pointedly at Bruce: "yeah, what kind of AWFUL parent wouldn't?"), but they are understanding enough with Bruce, as it was a mix-up and Danny didn't say anything until later out of awkwardness (they judge his parenting if he cannot recognize he wasn't his kid. no matter that they cannot recognize Phantom as THEIR kid)

they leave, happy and relieved, and Bruce hopes they never really turn to supervillainy

once Jason finds out Maddie beat Joker to half an inch of his life (that clown is hard to kill!), he sneaks into their RV and adopts himself into their home. because i said so

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gildedphoenix · 3 days

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We Didn’t Start The Fire

“See man, the moon!” Kid Flash said as they came outside, standing on the pile of rubble.

“And Superman! Do we fulfill our promises or what…” his voice trails off as a grinding clanking sound echoes behind them.

They turned around, confused to see a tricked out pale yellow Volkswagen bug trucking its way up the rubble and crumbled building blocks. It stopped before it got too steep, a man in a familiar white lab coat stumbling out.

Immediately, they were on guard, the man haphazardly climbing towards them.

Robin drew two batarangs in each hand, standing in front of Superboy as he got closer. It didn’t even matter that the Justice League had just landed behind them, if this CADMUS scientist tried something, Robin would be the first to defend Superboy. Without hesitance.

The man stopped in front of them, huffing for breath.

“You’re-!” He stopped, leaning over his knees with gasping breaths, “Sorry, one sec!” He held up a finger, gasping for another few seconds before stepping forward-

Chains of water surrounded him before they could blink, Robin looking back surprised to see Aqualad standing with extended weapons and a grim face.

“This is odd.” The man looked at the water wrapped around him, wriggling a bit before shrugging. His eyes zeroed in on Superboy, “You’re okay!” He said with a blinding grin.

Superboy recoiled and Robin immediately stepped between them.

“What.”

The man glanced at him briefly before looking back over Robin’s head, “You are okay right? I mean I tried my best but I couldn’t figure out a way to get you out- I mean if I’d known you were there to begin with I’d would have never-but then I wouldn’t have-

“Who are you?” Superman asks, suddenly close from behind them.

The man’s mouth clicks shut, looking between them all before a grimacing smile rises to his face.

He extends his hand at the elbow between the liquid chains, “Dr. Danny Fenton, ex-biochemical engineer of CADMUS labs Mr.Superman,sir.”

Flash zips forward, the eyes of his cowl narrowed, “Ex?”

The grimace turns into a wince. “Oh.. heh, yeah, I’ve found that arson is usually a pretty good kickstart of sudden unemployment,” there’s a thoughtful pause as he looks over the rubble, “It’s usually accidental though.”

Nobody responds.

“What? You didn’t think that lab fire started on its own did you? How else was I supposed to get you here?”

“There’s a Justice League public phone! That’s literally its entire purpose!” Kid Flash shouts, throwing his hands in the air. At this point, Aqualad cautiously lowers his water bearers, releasing Fenton.

“Oh, sure, I call a bunch of superheroes and tell them my boss is doing a Grow-Your-Own-Superman in the boiler room. That’d go over well.” He pauses, “Though the sidekicks was a surprise.”

The comment goes uncorrected, as the rest of the league has snapped to face Superboy the moment he says it.

Superman looks stricken as Superboy reveals the logo on his torn shirt.

Fenton unceremoniously breaks the tension, “Sorry I never asked, do you have a name? I’d feel really bad just calling you-“

“… They called me.. Superboy..” He says, still not looking away from the man of steel in front of him.

“That’s not-“ Fenton rubs his temples and sighs harshly, “Okay, I can fix that later, whatever-“

“You’re not gonna be ‘fixing’ anything, Doctor.” Robin snarls.

Fenton blinks. “Huh?”

Batman steps forward, “Green Lantern.”

Green construct cuffs snap around the Dr.Fenton’s wrists, though he looks at them puzzled.

“Superman, check for survivors in the damage, Flash find some salvageable evidence before it finishes burning. The rest of us, we’ll continue this interrogation at the hall.”

“Wait what?” Dr. Fenton says, perking up like a meerkat even as Batman turns away with swirl of his cape.

“What about me?” Superboy asks, desperation in his hesitant step forward.

Batman looks to Superman. Superman nods, and then shoots off into the rubble and emergency vehicles.

“For now, you come with us.” Batman says, and Superboy’s shoulders loosen just a hint.

The dark knight pauses again before turning completely, “And don’t think we’ve forgotten the rest of you,” he says, cowled eyes narrowed over his shoulder, “Robin.”

Robin shirks back, “Heh.. Right.”

“Wait what’s going on?” The Fenton scientist yelled back over his shoulder as Green Lantern pulls him away.

He starts to say something but the construct fully engulfs him now, shifting from a platform to a soundproof bubble.

It seems to shock him enough, Fenton tapping at the walls and looking like he wants to take it apart and take a sample.

Robin grit his teeth.

He was not gonna let these CADMUS freaks touch Superboy again.

Not Fenton or anybody else.

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gildedphoenix · 3 days

Text

“The what?”

Danny and Duke had been having a pretty okay day. Duke got a ridiculous packet to complete from his professor, and Danny tripped down the stairs in the library, causing a ruckus that got everyone’s attention.

So yea, everything was going well until they decided to push their luck and go to a new coffee shop a bit further away. It wasn’t the coffee shop itself, but the goons that came out of nowhere to kidnap Tim Drake-Wayne who was getting an order to go, which turned into a gang fight in the middle of the street.

Danny and Duke, along with Tim, ended up sheltered behind a car and missed the opportunity to bunker down inside the shop.

“Well, this isn’t what I planned today,” Tim comments.

“Same,” Danny agrees.

“Maybe we can wait it out?” Duke suggests.

The other two give a look that says that it was not going to happen.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors for peeking,” Danny says, already holding out his fist.

“Bet.”

They look at Duke.

Peer Pressure works and he groans with clear discomfort at the situation.

Duke loses. A bullet whizzes past his head.

“Nope! Nope. Not doing that again.”

Tim rolls his eyes at the dramatics, but with Danny still there he bit his tongue.

“What’d you see?”

Duke looks at Tim like he’s crazy.

“Lots of people with guns,” he answers hysterically.

“Need a hand?”

Red Hood had swung down from the nearest rooftop, hand gun in both hands. He pops off three shots before having to duck behind the car with them.

“Hood, what are you doing here? This isn’t Crime Alley,” Tim asks like they bumped into each other at the supermarket.

Hood shrugs, “Close enough.”

“Oh sweet, can I borrow that?” Danny randomly asks.

Before anyone can question what he was talking about he was already reaching out to take the handgun off of Hood’s thigh.

“Whoa-“

Danny turns to look over the car’s hood and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens.

The others pull him back quickly. He winces at the hard fall to his tailbone.

“Holy crap! Danny!”

“Dude, are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Hey!” Danny interrupts their freak out. “It’s not my fault his gun is broke.”

“The safety is still on, idiot,” Hood tilts his head.

“The what?” Danny asks in genuine confusion.

The three brothers all pause and look at him.

“The safety? On the gun? So there isn’t a misfire?” Tim explains. He was stuck between shocked and judgmental.

“This is why people who don’t know how to shoot shouldn’t touch guns,” Hood says in frustration while reaching to take it away.

Danny pulls it back out of reach.

“I know how to shoot, thanks. My parent’s weapons just don’t have safety things. I’m not used to it,” he grumbles.

“What do you-“

But Danny was already finding the safety and flicking it off before trying again. This time he hits two goons, one in the shoulder and another in the leg.

The batboys glance at each other.

“So,” Hood tries to be casual, “what do your parents do?”

“They’re scientists,” Danny answers, mainly focused on shooting another person dressed in a mask, “but they make their own weapons.”

“Are they by any chance mad scientists? Or borderline rogues?” Duke asks as half a joke.

“Of course not,” Danny answers. Then he pauses to actually think about it. “I don’t think so.”

“Cool. That’s fine.”

After that Danny had a few more ‘meet and greet’s with the local vigilantes and saw some lingering shadows around their apartment. They had the weirdest questions about his family.

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