#retail hell

[rottenhellion]

Nothing will dispel you of the illusion that maturity and aging are inherently related than working with the general public, where you'll spend much of your day working with 40+ year olds who make it abundantly clear that they have never had a single self-reflective thought in their life and never will.

[foldingfittedsheets]

When deciding who to work for there is a sliding scale of employers that goes from lil mom and pop shops up to corporate monoliths. I have worked at both ends of the spectrum and I can pretty definitively say that tiny businesses are hands down the most insane employers.

The sweet spot is a place that has like 10-20 stores; that’s the best possible work environment. They’ll be polished enough to have protocols that make work structured, but not so bogged down with bureaucracy that nothing can ever get done.

This story is not from that sweet spot. This story is from my time working at Oil and Vinegar. Now, like many little franchise stores, the idea was solid. There was on tap imported olive oil and vinegar and it was really delicious. Top shelf. Unfortunately, each location was like the Wild West because owners varied wildly.

My owner was the human embodiment of Mr. Krabbs. His eyes were just constant dollar signs. Throughout my training he informed me of the price of every single piece of equipment I touched and how much it cost to replace it.

He had cameras set up to watch us, and an app on his phone to access the live feed. He’d call us to ask what we were doing when he’d just checked a camera to make sure we were being honest.

Now, the trouble was he had two locations. His location further south did amazing. It was way more centrally located and got three times the foot traffic. The one I worked in was in the snottiest mall possible in Arizona and consequently the rent was through the roof.

It was not going well for my store. We didn’t get as much traffic, so there was only so much I could do in a day. I could dust, sweep, and wait for customers. I read a lot and was frank when he called to interrogate me. I always asked for additional tasks but he never had any. What could I do to prop up a failing business?

But this man was convinced there was some Secret Reason that the store I was in was doing worse. He crunched numbers, looked at staff, and eventually hit upon the most insane possible solution.

We used too much toilet paper.

We were probably stealing toilet paper! Bleeding him dry one single ply square at a time! How dare we need to use the bathroom?! His south location used half as much toilet paper as we did, we must be thieving little monsters!!!!

Friends. The south location was populated entirely by men. My location had three people on staff who had to sit to pee. It was so blindly transparently the source of the discrepancy but this man was convinced we were making off with toilet paper to bankrupt him.

So he implemented what he believed to be an entirely reasonable response to this base treachery. We were allowed to have one roll of toilet paper. At any given time, one roll was permitted to us. This was so transparently unhinged that we protested but he insisted. If we were low on toilet paper we needed to call him to drop off a roll that he brought from his home. Smiling jovially, he assured us he lived so close by that it would be no problem!

When we needed to call him often for more he started tearing his hair out. What were we using toilet paper for?! Why wasn’t his genius plan to stop our scandalous waste working??!

Finally, the manager, the only man on staff had to pull the owner aside and be like, “Look, man, their bladders are smaller. They need to wipe every time they pee. They need to pee even more on their period. Is this really the hill you want to die on?”

Yes. It was. The manager was fired unrelated reasons and denounced as a traitor. The toilet paper ration lasted until I quit and probably until the store closed six months later.

[colonel-dynamite-gun]

I had a shit night at work, just a fucking slog BUT my buddy brought his dog and I walked out the door to see him and this incredibly canine, which completely 180°ed my mood to joy. I got kisses and gave him a nice pat pat. Chilled me the fuck out when I really needed it.

Dogs are the fucking best man. Thanks dude I owe you one.

[grayintogreen]

This is your friendly reminder that if you come into a store as it is closing and your response to someone reminding you politely that they need to close soon is anything other than “oh thank you sorry I’m here so late I’ll just be a second,” you’re a dick and I hope you choke. Especially if your response is to be a rude entitled piece of shit about it.

[persephinae]

Lmaooo

[shayberri789]

My friend is doing a quick survey about cashier's being allowed to use chair's at work. He's intending to present the results to his boss and hopefully convince them to let the cashiers use chairs. I know that people on here are very pro-chairs so I was hoping some of yall might consider filling this out?

It takes less than I minute, I just filled it in myself. You won't need any personal information it's entirely anonymous.

I'd appreciate it if yall could reblog this! I don't have a large following and not enough people will see this otherwise. Thanks!

Edit: thank you everyone!! My friend now has over 200 responses that's amazing! Keep sharing and filling it, since he won't be presenting it for a little while still, but I just wanted to let yall know that we are both very grateful to you all!

Edit two: Holy shit. In a week we jumped from 200 to over 1000. That's wild. Thank you guys so much. The survey is still open, I'll disable reblogs when it closes. We're kind of curious to see if it hits 2k responses. When I offered to post here, I did not expect to get even a third of the responses we have, and my friend and I are doing the digital equivalent of staring at each other in disbelief and pointing. What the fuck. Y'all are amazing

Edit 3: check the comments!

[de-lyc-ful]

How could I not draw space lesbians?

[marzipanandminutiae]

as someone who has worked jobs with some retail/customer service component for 8 years, let me just say:

prolonged fighting over who pays is obnoxious. do not do that. nobody but you thinks it's cute

one back and forth "no, I've got it!" "no, me!" is acceptable. but folks I have literally had grown, middle-aged men KNOCK THINGS OFF THE COUNTER at the museum ticket desk in the midst of a totally unnecessary battle royale to reach the card reader

they were laughing. I was not

and even if you're not going that insane, your server or sales associate or whatever is tired. they just want SOME form of payment. and the longer you drag this out, the longer the interaction takes. all we want to do is get you through our line and on your way in the fastest manner possible

decide who's paying in a QUICK and CALM fashion. pay. move on. this isn't some quirky Bit to anyone around you; you're just holding up the flow of the interaction

[coulsonlives]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

What?

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

once when I worked at a grocery story, this woman came in and bought thirty four squash. so while im scanning all her fucking squash, she starts up a conversation. she asks if I'm in college despite the fact I was fifteen at the time and very much looked it. when i said no she nodded and said that was good because too many women were going to college these days. she told me her son was in law school and paused for a solid thirty seconds after, just staring at me, waiting for me to be impressed. again, I was fifteen. I wasn't impressed by anything but in ground pools and people who don't cough on a gravity bong. after I let out the world's most monotone "wow" (I'm mostly focused on counting these squash), she shows me a picture of her Fully Grown Adult son and asks me if I think he's cute. for the next minute, while I finish scanning all her fucking squash, she tries to set me up with her son. she left when I told her I couldn't date her son because I was an undercover CIA agent working in the store to catch the mafia ring that had taken over the town. my manager thought it was funny and gave me a free vitamin water.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I worked retail for a long time and people really do treat you like shit sometimes. But between selling sex toys, mattresses, and jewelry I can say definitively I got treated worst selling mattresses.

All three of my jobs were in sales but selling sex toys we were allowed to put people in their place, and in jewelry people didn’t want to misbehave in a fancy setting. But people at the mattress store had no problem yelling at me, hitting on me, or insulting me to my face.

For a while I was managing my own store for the company. I ran a small location and had struggling employees placed with me for rehabilitation. If their numbers improved they could go back to bigger stores. If not, they got fired.

So this meant I was the manager of problem employees. At one point both of my people had a foot out the door. The company was going downhill and changed computer systems and they were fed up. Consequently, they made a ton of mistakes, because they just didn’t care about the job or learning the new systems.

I strolled into work on what was essentially my Monday to a shit show. Deliveries scheduled without product, wrong things on orders, poor expectations of the process, you name it. I spent the entire morning getting yelled at for mistakes that weren’t mine.

The final straw came when a man called furious that his moms bed for her nursing home had a delivery window he couldn’t accommodate. This wasn’t a huge disaster since we still had time to deliver it before she moved. I ran him through the options and he just kept screaming at me. Not for a solution but because I was there and he was frustrated.

My heart filled with malice and a cold fury. A calculating part of my brain had a realization in that moment that I could stay a punching bag or I could strike back.

I quavered my voice delicately, taking in a shaky, warbling breath like I was trying not to cry. “Sir,” I quivered through fake tears, “I don’t know what you want from me! I told you what I can do, I didn’t make this mistake I’m just trying to fix it!” My voice broke pitifully on the last syllables, sounding in all ways like a sweet innocent person being yelled at who’s just trying her best, really!

It was like I’d doused him with cold water. My emotional act was the realization that he was screaming at someone who was just doing their damn job, and he was being an asshole. He hastily made an excuse and hung up.

I had a third employee covering with me from another store that day who heard everything. When I hung up, I looked over to see them watching me with an awed expression. “Did… did you just pretend to cry?”

“I absolutely fucking did,” I said with feeling, “and I’d do it a thousand more times. If that’s what it takes for someone to realize they’re behaving like a fucking prick, they deserve it.” The employee looked at me like I was their hero.

The man called back, apologizing profusely, having magically arranged his schedule to accommodate delivery. He came in later that week with an apology Starbucks gift card. I was gracious in my acceptance.

I pulled it a few more times before leaving the company. I felt no shame in the ruse. If someone behaves so poorly that it’s plausible their behavior would drive someone to tears they deserve to feel absolutely wretched about it.

[irrepressible-domovoy]

A customer legitimately told me this today:

"I worked in HR for [several decades] and know when someone is or isn't a good fit for a job and you're not a good fit for this job"

Like. Ma'am. I know this. I'm disabled and deeply autistic and trying not to lose my crap in a building that is the sensory equivalent of a bomb going off in my face and I'm getting maybe 1/10 of what I need to live and you expect me to be all polite and friendly all day, while people like you are telling me I shouldn't be here??? You already know where you can shove your passive aggression

(and for the record, I was basically silent the entire time I was checking her out except for when I quietly told her and her grandkids to hang on a second because they were piling my tiny counter with all their crap while I tried to figure out what order I should be scanning things and trying to ignore how loud they were being)

[fullbattleregalia]

Retail Jobs I’ve Applied to:

You need to have AT LEAST three years of prior experience in this exact field for this entry level position. The last thing we want to do is spend more than five minutes training you. Why have you worked such a wide variety of jobs? Where’s your commitment? You better have amazing references. Oh, and complete these online tests to prove to us that you are worthy of us possibly glancing at your resume before we throw it straight in the trash. You better be available every hour of every day - anything less means you’re not truly committed to this job. Remember, people like you are a dime-a-dozen and easily replaceable, and you should be grateful that we’re paying you slightly more than minimum wage. You’d better not be expecting any benefits.

The Investment Company I Applied to:

Oh, you’ve got a bachelor’s degree? That’s excellent. Not in business? That’s fine - getting a degree at all shows that you’re willing to put in the work and learn. No prior experience specifically in this field? No worries - we’ll train you. This is a Monday to Friday position. Obviously, we’ll be paying you a living wage for this entry level position, and you need to use your PTO days, because they only partially rollover to the next year. What sort of year end bonus are you expecting? Let us tell you a little bit about our standard benefits. …are you okay? Why are you crying?

[theosjunkdrawer]

Straight up- for seven hours ive been in a limbo of having listened to 30 minutes of dndads s3e23 and being unable to listen to more bc Customers are in the store. Holy fuck what the shit. Guys im about to lock the door, I NEED TO SEE IF MY BOY FRANCIS IS OK. PLEAAAAAASEE

[lilarylrosie]

making this come to life - I will still take that Yarnaby pin from his vest /hj