goldswanthetenth

[goldswanthetenth]

I usually don’t do this but I really couldn’t help it when I came across the photo of myself :) And yeah, I desperately wanted to have a pic with him! :D <3

[goldswanthetenth]

The moon looks like an orange tonight. Does it mean something? I already got up from my bed 3 times to simply watch it. It's wonderfully different. But I would still prefer being able to sleep.. 🙄

[goldswanthetenth]

Nightmares

A little bit fluffy/smutty but mostly angsty Steve Rogers x reader one-shot.

You are having another nightmare and Steve is always ready and willing to comfort you. He would do anything to help you feel better. And then you are having troubles to distinguish the dreams from the reality.

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It was happening again. You were dressed in your tight and elastic black leather suit, fully armed and steeling yourself for an impending fight. The routine was always the same but this time you couldn't shake off the uncomfortable feeling that something very bad was about to happen. Another chill travelled up your spine and you shivered but tried your best to stay concentrated and focused on your part of the mission which involved some magical stone.

The place was foreign to you but it seemed like a countryside somewhere in the african region. You could smell the different air, which was weird. You had never thought it was possible to smell something in a dream state, let alone to actually contemplate about it. The local air was hotter but more humid and heavy with a promise of a really tough battle. Your pounding heart had rushed the waves of adrenaline through your veins, causing that all your senses had heightened, enabling you to effectively perceive any kind of possible threat. Your forehead was covered with little tiny droplets of sweat and you quickly wiped it off with the back of your right hand while letting the warm breeze play with your hair. 

You were standing aboard one of the strange airships and at one moment you turned your head to look at the crew of the other vessel flying right next to yours. A woman with blond hair caught your gaze and after studying her more closely you recognized her as Natasha Romanoff, a former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and a member of the Avengers and also your friend. She gave you a reassuring smile but you could see a glimpse of something in her eyes. You realized you didn't like the way she had regarded you, it felt much like a goodbye look.

Without much thought, your left hand slightly reached out as to search for a hand of your partner, one of the leaders of your army as well as your boyfriend and lover, Captain America himself. He had probably sensed your distress because he took your hand within few seconds and laced his fingers with yours. You turned your head to him and was quite taken aback by his changed appearance as well. His hair was somehow darker and longer and he'd got a beard. Wow. Never could you have pictured him like that until now. It was good. He looked different but good nonetheless. You briefly wondered when the change had happened. But then he smiled down at you, lovingly, but also with a hint of encouragement. He was born a leader, always knowing what to say or do to galvanize the people around him into action. This particular atribute about him always made you fall in love with him over and over again.  

"Don't worry, Y/N." he addressed you with a calm voice. "It's gonna be fine. Just hold on to the plan, okay?"  

You only nodded in agreement and squeezed his hand more tightly, looking into his sky blue eyes, immediately getting lost in there.  

And then... CRASH!

That was when you had woken up the first time since having this dream.  

Fortunately, you hadn't screamed or made an abrupt move so Steve was still lying blissfully asleep next to you.  

Being an agent, you suffered from the nightmares quite often but you had Steve by your side and he was always ready and willing to comfort you. As Captain America, a leader of the Avengers, he knew all too well what it was like to deal with the crushing emotions such as guilt, fear and constant self-doubt.

He had once admitted experiencing bad dreams too but he'd never bothered your well-deserved sleep to get through it. You, on the other hand, had woken him up almost everytime thanks to your loud screams and violent tossing and turning. But Steve had never complained. He felt extremely thankful for having you in his life because you had taught him to love again, to truly love. Before, when he had felt these strong feelings toward a woman, the romance had been over before it had even started. Now, with you, he'd finally got a chance to discover this new aspect of life. And he did love you with his whole heart, protected you with his super strength and cared for you like you were the most precious thing in the world.

Now sitting up straight in your bed, you took in a deep breath and then slowly let it out. Such a weird dream, you thought. Wiping your sweaty brow, you glanced at your boyfriend. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping and it made the corners of your mouth curl up with an affectionate smile. You fought back the urge to lean down and kiss his clean-shaven cheek. Instead, you laid back down and snuggled closer to him, feeling safe again. Even in his sleep, he felt your body pressing against his and like on an instinct, he threw an arm over your form protectively. His warmth and the faint sound of his heartbeat then successfully lulled you back to sleep.

You were under attack now. The trees were on fire and soon your lungs started to fill with an acrid smoke which slowly rose up to the crimson sky. Crashing and detonating noises could be heard all around you as well as cries of your fellow warriors. Your head was throbbing but you managed to stand up and shake yourself off of whatever that had sent you down. You were an agent, a soldier, a warrior. You were capable of handling the situation. And within next few minutes you took down tens of enemies.  

You spotted Natasha and Hawkeye fighting the invaders nearby on your left and when you saw one of the enemy combatant trying to attack the archer from behind, you didn't hesitate and grabbed one of the spears lying around, aiming fearlessly at your target. With a blink of an eye, he dropped to the ground.  

"Thanks!" Barton shouted over his shoulder. "But I'd tend to him."

His joking nature made you grin to yourself. "Of course." 

But just as you were about to turn around and get back to fighting the aliens on your other side, one of them was fast enough to knock you down. Grunting loudly, you searched for any weapon within your reach to defend yourself. But you couldn't find any. "Dammit." 

The alien was hovering over you, his strangely cold and bright shining eyes revealing his pleasure of being able to cause you pain and get you killed. You could literally smell the death on him. Your hand kept scrabbling for something, anything that could block his attempt at murdering you, but deep down you had already braced yourself for the inevitable end of your pathetic life.  

Then you heard a familiar sound, metal clashing against metal, and the dead attacker was sent flying away.  

"I've got you covered, Doll." Steve said confidently and flashed you a grin, outstretching his hand to help you get up. 

You gladly accepted and let him pull you up to your feet, blushing profusely for the reason he had to come to your aid like a hundred time again. Yeah, he always had you covered. 

"What would I do without you, Captain?" you teased him lightly but right now there was no time nor place for this. 

A portal had opened rather close to you and some sort of a monster-man stepped out of it. He was huge, like really, really huge and had a purple or maybe pinkish skin, wearing a big golden glove on one of his hands. He looked positively terrifying. Even more so when he killed a dozen of your warriors by one swift move of his gloved hand, effectively throwing them out of his way. He paused afterwards, looking for something. And then he stared directly at you.

"Run, Y/N. You hear me? Get the hell out of here!" Steve yelled his order at you and had this been another place and time, you would have most probably teased him by saying his favourite 'Language!' but now you couldn't bring yourself to do anything. You felt like frozen to the spot, only now realizing that you wore the magical stone on yourself. And the crazy monster-man definitely knew it by now. 

"Y/N, go!" Steve held your shoulders firmly, giving you a hard shake.  

You eventually recovered and started to back away, turning to run as fast as you could. The captain gave you an order and you wouldn't disobey him, would you? It felt so terribly wrong to leave him behind though, your heart and stomach were clenching painfully while your mind was screaming at you to stop and go back so you could face the monster together. 

And you did. 

You came to a sudden halt and trying to catch your breath you made a turn around. Your eyes widened in shock and panic upon seeing the scene transpiring in front of you. The creature was obviously after you and Steve decided to ward off his advance on his own. Your breath caught in your throat, you just stood there like a statue and then a loud, desperate cry escaped your mouth, endlessly echoing in your ears as it vibrated in the hot air, tearing you apart from inside.

"Steve!"

You had no idea you had screamed aloud in your sleep. You woke up with a start, breathing heavily. Your throat felt sore and you had to blink several times to actually open your eyes. Getting yourself into a sitting position, you heard the voice you had come to love so dearly. 

"Another nightmare?" Steve asked you with a genuine concern and also sat up so he could see at least a bit of your face. 

You only nodded your head, tilting it in his direction for just a brief moment. "I'm sorry for waking you up again."

You could sense him shifting closer to you before he literally pulled you onto his lap, embracing you with his strong, muscled arms. 

"You know I don't mind, Doll." he whispered into your hair, then kissed your forehead while you were trying to press your face into his neck. "Do you want to tell me abou it?"

"No." you cracked because your voice was still breaking and your throat felt like on fire. "Just keep holding me, okay?" 

"As you wish." He kissed you once more and caressed your back with his gentle hands, drawing some unknown patterns there. He knew you found it very soothing. 

You let your eyes close again and enjoy his presence, the wonderful proximity of your bodies and souls. You'd actually come to believe he was your true soulmate. He was a good man, with a good heart and he'd somehow showed you how to see the goodness in yourself as well. 

Inhaling deeply his fresh and clean scent, you planted a soft kiss on the skin of his neck. "Thank you." 

He pulled away from you just for the reason to look you in the eyes and to make sure that you were alright by now. You offered him a weak smile and he impulsively raised a hand to run his thumb over your lips, never breaking the eye contact. Even in the dark, you could see the light in his blue eyes and when he began to lean down ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet him halfway so you could brush your lips against his. The moment they had touched, you felt a pleasant electric pulse course through your body which sent wave after wave of delight to wash over you. Steve tasted like happiness, like purity, like home. 

He then shifted a little as he was trying to get you to lay down with him. "Come. You need to get some sleep." 

You complied with his suggestion and nestled comfortably against his shoulder, your fingertips gently stroking his chest covered with a white T-shirt. Steve had his left arm wrapped around you and you eventually managed to drift off again in his loving embrace.

You were trying to open your eyes but your eyelids felt too heavy. So you quitted your vain attempts and strained your ears to catch at least some kind of noise or sound which would give you a cue as to where you currently were and what was happening. But all you could hear was your thundering heart and uneven breathing. 

You felt a dull pain in the back of your head and your right arm hurt pretty badly, too. Once again you strived to force your eyes open and this time you were more successful. There was a thick layer of dust on your long eyelashes which made your eyes sting and all you wanted to do was to shut them down again but you knew you had to get yourself together and find out what had happened. 

You reached to touch the spot where your head ached the most and your fingers came back painted red with your blood. You checked you right arm as well and immediately noticed the deep gash right above your elbow. The suit you wore was dirty and torn at places. You were pretty mess, you had realized. But the stone was still with you. 

Wait.

The stone.

The monster-man.

Steve.

You shot up, completely ignoring the pain which your quick movements caused to your body, hurriedly taking in your surroundings which seemed like going on a slow-motion. There was still some fighting but you could tell the battle had already been over. You were looking around yourself frantically, searching for a familiar figure of Captain America. 

"Oh my God, Steve." you exhaled and clutched a hand to your heart as to prevent it from beating its way out of your ribcage. 

With much effort you finally stood on your legs once more. Compelling them to move so you could walk, you kept calling out his name and alternately turning your head in all the directions. You stumbled every now and then, but never stopped. You felt an urge to cover your nose and mouth when overstepping the dead bodies of the soldiers of your army as well as those of your enemy. 

And then... then you saw him. 

"Steve!" you yelled at the top of your lungs and rushed forward. 

When you reached his position where he was lying as if leaning against a broken tree, your knees gave up and you collapsed right next to his motionless body. Tears began to stream down your face, burning your skin. 

You leaned over and carefully cupped his cheeks. 

"Steve. Do you hear me?" you sniffled. "Steve!" 

After a couple of seconds, his eyelids fluttered. "Y/N." he breathed out your name and it was more than obvious that it took him a lot of exertion to let the word out of his mouth. 

"Shhh, just lie still, okay? It's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine, Steve." you talked to him with your hoarse voice which cracked with emotion at the end. 

"Help! Please! I need somebody's help here, come on!" you shouted in your anguish at no one in particular because there really wasn't anybody within the hearing distance. "Just hold on, hun. You'll get trhough this." You could taste salt in your mouth as the tears were flowing down and you tried your best to fight back the sobs which threatened to choke you. 

Captain's body was remaining motionless and you took a while to study his wounds. His right arm seemed to be placed at an unusual angle, he certainly had his shoulder dislocated. His uniform contained a few bloodstains but it was hard to tell whether the blood was his or not. And his face... oh, his handsome face. It was bruised and bloodied, too. One particularly deep cut went from the middle of his left cheek to the corner of his mouth. The red still fresh.

"Y/N." he managed to address you once more and you forced an encouraging smile on your lips. How could he believe the things would be alright when you were looking like a crying mess? 

"You should not speak." you told him tenderly with a reprimanding tone. "You'll tell me everything later when you are given the medical treatment."

"I.. w-won't last t-that l-long." he stuttered with difficulty and also tried to perform a small smile but it came out more like a grimace. Just how much pain he had to be in. 

"Y/N." he started again, making awful grunting sounds. "I-I.. wish.."

"Stop it, Steve." you pleaded with him. "Please. You're gonna be fine, don't tell me your good-byes."

He began coughing blood and you knew that the liquid had been starting to fill his lungs and you'd got only very little time left. Without second thought you bent down and pressed a soft kiss on his bleeding lips, then spreaded your arms to embrace him and very carefully rested your head on his chest. 

"Don't leave me, please." you whispered. "Please." you sobbed.

"Y/N.. I-I want.. y-you to k-know.." Coughing. You looked up to see his face. "You.. y-you..." 

And that was the last thing he said. With the last word he let out his last breath. He would never get to know how you were shaking with him, kissing his breathless lips, crying out his name over and over again. 

And all you wanted was to forget, too.

"Y/N, hey! It's ok, you're safe. I'm right here." You woke up to Steve's soothing voice. You were dripping sweat and looking around in panic, unsure of where you were. 

"It's ok, it's me, Steve. I'm here." he repeated and you finally allowed yourself to recognize him.

"Steve! Oh my God.. I-I.." you stammered, looking at him with wide eyes. 

He pulled you close and gave you a reassuring hug. "You truly scared me, Y/N. Please tell me what's bothering you so much."

You pressed against him with all your strength which was no match to his own but he could feel your despair from the way you clung to him. 

"Steve.. I-I saw you die." you confessed truthfully. "You were dying and I couldn't do anything about it, I wasn't able to save you."

The supersoldier listened to your every word which made him really upset. He hated to know you were suffering so much and that he actually played a part in that. 

"Shhhh.. that was just a bad dream, Y/N. I'm here, you see? And I'm not gonna go anywhere." his voice was like the most pleasant sound in the world to you. No matter how scared or confused you were, he always managed to calm you down with his perfectly honest voice.

"I love you, you know?" You asked him though you already knew what his answer would be. Of course he knew. As well as you knew that he loved you the same way back. But you needed him to prove it, to make you feel it yet again.

Withdrawing yourself from the circle of his arms, you searched his sincere eyes. "Steve?"

"Yes, Doll?" he bravely held your intense stare.

"Make love to me, now. Please." you surprised yourself how raw it sounded. 

At first, he didn't even move, just kept his eyes locked with yours. And you let him read in there just how much you wanted him, needed him, to show you.. to prove himself to you.

"I will." he half-whispered and this time you didn't miss the husky tone hidden behind his words. 

You closed your eyes in anticipation of his smouldering kiss but it never came. Instead, you fell into cold darkness.

"Hey! Come over here!" you heard distant voice shouting somewhere on your right. "Y/N! Hey! Can you hear me? Y/N!" 

Someone grabbed you under your shoulders and lifted your upper body. You groaned in pain. "Just leave me here to die." you thought to yourself, you would not be able to voice it anyway. 

Feeling completely numb, you were only remotely aware of your body being dragged and pulled and generally moved to somewhere else. But you didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. The cold blackness was very inviting now.

A soft caress had brought your attention back to the man who was cupping your cheek and stroking it with his thumb affectionately. "I think you're amazing, Y/N." 

You couldn't prevent the wide grin spreading over your lips. 

And he couldn't hold back any longer. 

You shared a kiss, a rather sloppy or even unexperienced kiss. But it was sweet and real. It didn't last long but it still took both of your breaths away. 

"That was.. amazing, too." Steve commented breathlessly and you noticed the significant blush creeping up his neck and cheeks. 

Not willing to waste another second, you sneaked your hand to the back of his head and pulled him down for another kiss. He responded hesitantly at first but then he let himself give in to his own passion and your kissing became wilder and more heated.

"Touch me." you told him after the kiss when you were resting your foreheads against each other. "Please, I want you to touch me."

Once again, he seemed hesitant about it so you took a hold of his hand and placed it gently upon your left breast. You gave him time to take this to whatever direction he wanted and when his hand moved and actually gave your sensitive flesh a light squeeze, you leaned up and captured his lips again, slightly sucking at his bottom lip. 

You decided it was time to take off your black tank top you used to wear for bed so there was no barrier between your bodies anymore. 

The look of appreciation on his face made your cheeks turn a shade of red as well and you were dying to feel his touch upon your exposed skin. 

He laid you down on the pillows with care, tending to your lips and you could swear you felt all the love he had poured into kissing you. You raked your hands through his blond hair which was cut short, silky soft to the touch. 

You bit back a moan when his fingertips ghosted over your breast and hardened nipple, and you arched your back to lean even more into his warm touch. That probably turned him on because his hands became more exploring ever since and he moved his mouth to your neck and further down, only to plant some of the kisses to your collarbone afterwards. 

This time you let the moans escape your throat and he definitely enjoyed the sounds you were making. You were starting to feel a little dizzy but you also became aware of his groans of pleasure and hitched breathing. The surrounding world had disappeared into a haze and nothing existed except you and him. He was constantly checking your face, searching your heavy-lided eyes for any sign of discomfort or rejection but of course there never was any. 

Your body naturally reacted to every touch of his fingers, every caress of his soft lips and you had to dig your nails deeper into the skin of his back and shoulders as a wave after wave of warmth and pleasure washed over you, leaving your skin prickle with a tingling sensation. A sweet tension had started to spiral up within your core and it kept building up, teasing all your nerve endings with its growing intensity. 

"I.. I need you.." you mumbled in your light-headed state of mind but on the instant, Steve abandonded his current actions and looked down at you with a serious expression. 

"Y/N, are you sure?" he asked with a hint of insecurity and you almost rolled your eyes at his incredible shyness, excessive care or simply good manners he had engraved in his nature. But you opted for a chaste kiss instead.

"I love you, Steve. Okay? With all my heart and soul." you spoke to him gently but clearly enough. "Now I want you to take my body as well. Would you?" 

Another intense stare had been shared between both of you before he nodded his head in agreement. You pushed him away a little bit, only to get rid of your panties and he completely left your side to do the same. You somehow wished to at least catch a glimpse of his dick but your captain was an extremely shy guy so he stripped himself under the covers. 

Then he scooted back and climbed directly atop of you, leaning on his elbows for supprt. Immediately, you became aware of him pressing into your lower belly and the burning tension was back with full force, compelling you to reach out and guide his cock right into your entrance. 

He closed his eyes and let out a strangled noise when your delicate fingers curled around his throbbing member. At first, you only rubbed the tip of his cock against your sticky folds, enjoying the view of undisguised emotions crossing his face. When he opened his eyes and they met yours, you noticed the blue was almost gone, replaced by much darker colour with a hint of lust. He looked gorgeous.

Without your further assistance, he pushed into you carefully and you bit your lower lip to prevent loud moaning again. You wanted to close your eyes and stay focused on the feeling of him inside of you but at the same time you wanted to watch his face, as thin soft lines appeared on his forehead and then faded away or how the corners of his lips curled up with pleasure and thrill. 

It was absolutely wonderful to feel him move inside of you, his hardened erection stroking your favourite sensitive spot. You arched your back to meet the still rather prolonged slams of his hips in a perfect angle so you both would get more delight out of your connection. You loved how his abs stretched and contracted under your touch and you also kept playing with his hair, tugging lightly where it was possible which he seemed to like according to his more frequent groans. You felt his hot breath fanning over your face and you realized he was watching you, too. 

Neither of you spoke but your eyes kept locked together until you were falling apart, crying out as you had finally reached your high, clutching the sheets beneath you with both hands on your sides and letting your eyes roll back into your head. 

It felt like your first time together.

It felt exactly like your first time together. 

You desperately wanted to open your eyes but you just could not. 

"Y/N." someone called out your name from distance. And then..

SMACK!

Has that someone just slapped your face?! You groaned in annoyance. 

"Come on, Y/N. I know you can hear me now." the voice continued to talk to you and the blackness you had found yourself in was starting to dissipate. 

"Come on! Open your eyes!" the person was clearly becoming impatient. 

Wait. 

Was it Tony's voice?

You cracked one eye open but you were instantly blinded by the sharp white light. 

"That's right. Good girl." the male voice sounded more content now and you had grown certain it truly was Tony who was speaking to you. 

Blinking repeatedly, you eventually managed to open your eyes and take in your current surroundings. From what you had seen, you could tell you were in a sort of a hospital room. 

"Hey." the man on your left greeted you and you turned your head to him.

"Tony." you breathed and scanned the other people standing by your bedside with your gaze. There was a black man who you didn't know, or at least you thought you didn't know him. Next to him was Natasha and Hawkeye. 

Gosh.. why did your eyelids feel so damn heavy? 

Wait.

You swung your gaze back to Natasha. She had blond hair. When did she change her hairstyle?

"What happened?" you asked but you almost couldn't recognize your own voice.  

"Well.." a female voice drew your attention to your other side. "It depends on how much you remember." 

You were positive you didn't know her, either. "Who are you?" 

"Oh damn!" Tony exclaimed which quite startled you. 

"Do you know where you are, dear?" the young black woman asked you with concern. 

You knitted your brows together as you were trying to process what was going on. This was ridiculous.

"Aren't we in Washington anymore?" you blurted out.

"Oh.. hell, no." was Tony's reply to your question.

"No? What do you mean.." you were struggling to get yourself into sitting position. "Where are we?"

Your head was throbbing again and as you raised your hand to touch it, you realized it had been bandaged. 

The black woman placed a hand on your shoulder to push you back down. "You should stay in bed for at least another couple of hours." 

But you were growing more confused and it made you more angry so you threw her hand away harshly, regarding her with a glare, then hopped out of your bed. 

"Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on?" your eyes slided from one person to another. "Wait. Where is Steve? Why is he not here?"

You couldn't bring yourself to believe he wouldn't want to be by your side considering your unfortunate state. 

The looks of your team members and your actual friends had filled your heart with dread. No one wanted to speak up, everyone was looking at each other. 

"I'm going to ask you again." you growled dangerously. "Where. Is. Steve."

"Y/N..." Natasha approached you with an outstretched arm but you backed away, you didn't want her consoling or whatever she was about to act out.

Your whole body was on fire, yet you felt the cold sweat sprout on your forehead and severe chill running up and down your spine. You were trembling on your wobbly legs, anticipating and at the same time dreading their answer. 

"Tell me!" Your throat burned but you didn't care the slightest bit. 

This time, Tony stepped up and with his mustered empathy he muttered: "Steve is gone, Y/N."

You were shaking your head in denial of his words, they could not be true! That moment your knees gave up and you dropped to the floor, like a crying, cursing mess. You pulled at your hair violently, screaming out your unbearable pain. Your hands were curled into fists and you followed the urge to smash something by smacking the marble floor with your bare hands over and over. 

"I don't believe you. I don't believe you!" you were saying on repeat. "I saw him, I talked to him, he was perfectly fine!"

Tony had enough. "This is insane, Y/N! Those were only your memories enhanced by the sedatives."

"Then give some of those to me again!" you yelled back at him in your frustration. The memories were all you'd got left, could nobody understand you?

The black woman involved herself into the discussion again. "I'm really sorry, but that's not possible. Your brain could be damaged even worse after that."

"Do you think I care?" you looked up at her with your tear-stained face. "I must see him again. Please."

"Y/N, it ain't gonna give him back. You know that." Natasha was now kneeling next to you and she reached out to rub your arm soothingly. 

You looked straight at Tony, completely oblivious to your exposed vulnerability as your eyes began watering anew. "Please." 

"Alright." the Ironman huffed in defeat. "Give her the medicine."

You wanted to give him a smile but it turned out to be a broken grimace. "Thank you." you mouthed silently.

The black woman then helped you up and led you back to your bed, and she compassionately squeezed your shoulder before injecting the sedatives into your vein. 

And you found yourself floating in the darkness once again. But all too soon it was replaced by a white light and you set to follow it. 

Fluttering your eyes open, there was no pain and no tears. You were still lying in your bed, being met by a pair of sky blue eyes.

"Good morning, Y/N." Steve greeted you with his most charming smile. 

You rewarded him with one of your own. 

He then found your hand and gave it a light tug. "Come with me, I need to show you something." 

You had no idea how it had happened but you were no longer under the warm blanket but instead you were standing in a grand hall with white marble floor and matching columns placed across the space in a regular pattern. The walls were made of pure glass so you could admire the breathtaking scenery around.  

"Impressing, isn't it?" Steve's voice cut through your open admiration of the place.

You turned on your heels to face him. "Yes. Yes it is." 

He wore his uniform, only without the mask. He looked the same as in your dreams. Well.. now you knew they were actually the reality you wanted to forget.  

He approached you hesitantly, averting his eyes from yours nervously. "I was afraid you would never come back." he said emotionally. "And I was.. afraid that.. I'd never get a chance to say my good-bye to you. Because you deserve that much."

You felt the tears burning behind your eyes again, you just couldn't help it. One quick enough managed to escape and travelled down your pale cheek but Steve stepped closer to you and caught it with his thumb, gently wiping it away. 

"Please don't cry for me anymore." his voice was calm but you could clearly sense the turmoil he was in. 

"I'm gonna miss you like hell." you replied honestly and looked at him with your haunted eyes. 

He cupped your cheek lovingly. "But you're going to get through it, I know you'll eventually get over me, Y/N. And I want you to know that all I wish is for you to be happy, okay?" 

"But I cannot be happy without you." you countered. 

He then stepped away from you and spreaded his arms in the air, referring to the place you were in. "Do you know where we are, Y/N?"

"I don't remember ever being in this room." you shrugged your shoulders. 

He smiled sadly at you. "Well, but you were here before." 

You frowned, looking puzzled.

Steve took in a deep breath and exhaled. "We got married in here." 

"We did?" you exclaimed in disbelief, clasping both your hands before your face.

Steve looked a bit happier after that. "Yes, we did. You looked absolutely radiant in your wedding dress, by the way. And you've made me the happiest man." 

"I wish I remembered." you sighed.

"You will. All you need to do is to let go." Steve said, lacing the fingers of his hands with yours. "I know it's hard, painful even. But you must let go and accept the truth that you can't change the past. Then everything's gonna be fine."

You glanced at him with a doubtful expression. 

"Come on, Y/N. I know you're stronger than you think. You can do this. If not for me, than for yourself." now it was the captain speaking again. "The war is not over yet. And our friends need a new leader."

You stared at him wide-eyed. "You can't possibly mean..."

He only nodded in confirmation of your surmise.

"Steve.." you noticed the corners of the room had already been flooded by a dark mist. 

The soldier then pulled you to himself and leaned down to press his lips upon yours, lingering there for a while. 

A bright white light started to flow into the hall. 

"Steve.. if I die, will we be reunited?" you looked at him hopefully.

He casted his eyes down before answering to you. "I don't know."

"You're a terrible liar, Cap." you smiled and slightly shook your head.

The light was becoming positively blinding and you saw Steve slowly stepping back into its shining glow. 

"I gotta go, Y/N." and with that his fingers slipped out of your hand. 

The light swallowed his figure and then there was only darkness. But this time you would fight to wake up, to get better. The war wasn't over yet but this time you had a great advantage, you had nothing to lose. You were going to either defeat the monster and save the world or you were going to die and be reunited with your captain. So this time, you were going to win either way.

[goldswanthetenth]

Well, sometimes watching movies in dubbed version with my kids is a torture.. :D 

[goldswanthetenth]

Yeah, I’m the llama! :D

[goldswanthetenth]

Fair Share

Just a little bit smutty Thor Odinson x reader with a bit of Ben Barnes x reader.

It's supposed to be a part of my multi-chapter story I'm writing for my friends but I haven't decided yet whether or not I'm going to actually include it so instead of my OC, I've put a reader insert here and made it a stand-alone for now. Thank you for reading :x

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You kicked the front door closed when you got inside the house, finally it was Friday and you'd just arrived home from work. You took off your jacket and removed your shoes, then picked the two paperbags with your grocery purchase for the upcoming weekend and carried them to the kitchen. Placing the bags on a counter, you sighed. It had been a very tough week and you felt tired and exhausted. When you finished putting the items into a fridge and cabinets, you heard a familiar thundering sound which reminded you of Thor every time the storm was coming. How long has it been since he visited you the last time? Three months or four? You couldn't quite remember. But it didn't bother you though, you had a wonderful life with Ben and kept rather busy so you didn't really have much time to think about missing your Asgardian boyfriend.    Suddenly, another thunder roared outside and made the whole house shake down to its very foundations. This wasn't any random spring storm. He was coming.    You stepped into the hallway, right when the knocks started, and your face brightened with a happy smile. "Come in, the door is open." you invited the visitor, leaning casually against the wall with your arms crossed in front of you.    The door opened and indeed revealed no one else but the hulking god with long blond hair. He wore his usual attire and gave you an adorable grin when he looked at you. "Hello, Y/N." he greeted with his booming voice which had a tendency to echo throughout the space and he carefully hung up Mjolnir on the coat hanger rack next to the front door.

You stayed silent, watching him, only now you realized how much you had truly missed him.

He approached you and as always, he took your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles like a real gentleman or the prince that he was. And as always, it made you smile widely at his antics.    "How's my lady been doing here in my absence?" Thor asked politely and honestly.    You slightly pushed him away, faking indignation. "I thought you'd already forgotten about me." "Never." he boomed and once again kissed your hand. "Where's Ben?" "Still on the set. But I'm expecting him to arrive any moment now." you replied and withdrew your hand from his.    "Right." Thor acknowledged with a nod. "I really missed you a lot." "I missed you, too." you admitted with slightly pouting lips. You looked utterly exquisite like that and Thor couldn't hold back any longer, he pulled you close and kissed you hungrily, making up for the long time he hadn't been able to do that. You responded as eagerly, trying to savor the taste of him again. He picked you up as if you weighted nothing and you instinctively hooked your legs around his middle. "Bedroom?" he suggested when you had broken the kiss for the need of some air, resting his forehead against yours.    You cringed your nose at the idea. "That's an awfully long way up. The couch will do." And you already unclasped a part of his armor. Why the hell does he always insist on wearing this bothersome outfit?! It wasn't like you were going to fight him, well, in that way. And him and Ben were close friends therefore in your opinion it was absolutely unnecessary to be dressed in his battle costume whenever he was coming over for a weekend. Still engaged in passionate kissing, he walked you both further inside and into the living room. There he slowly put you back on your feet, quickly working on removing the rest of his clothing. You only pulled off your jeans and panties, the long white blouse you had on was covering your modesty quite sufficiently. You desperately wanted to feel him inside of you that you refused to bother with getting completely naked. Your eyes immediately landed on Thor's chiseled body, your fingers already itching to touch it. He really was a god in every possible aspect. Handsome, tall and muscled and with gentleman's manners. You felt lucky he was yours, although he didn't come for you so very often.    "Sit down." you instructed softly while pushing him backwards with your forefinger pressing onto his chest. He let out a small chuckle but did what he had been told, pulling you down together with him so you could straddle him. The previous heated kisses made him hard enough so you easily slid down onto his cock, moaning with pleasure when he was filling you up. It felt wonderful and warm and you closed your eyes to enjoy the feeling even more. A low growl escaped his mouth and the sound vibrated in your ears, causing you were practically dripping wet around him. You adjusted your position while Thor was gripping your sides firmly, helping you to set the rhythm as you started to move against him. Your moans became more frequent and so did his deep groaning sounds as you both were trying to reach your high.    Then you heard the front door being closed again, soon being followed by Ben's voice laced with bewilderment.

"What the hell..?" he started, then calmed down a bit. "Ah, it's you. To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit after such a long time, hm?"  

"Not. Now. Please." you panted with much effort, still riding the blonde hunk. Your dark-haired boyfriend sighed in exasperation and came to stand behind your back, undoing some of your blouse buttons and pushing the garment down your arms to kiss your bare shoulder. He then sneaked his hand underneath to cup your left breast through your lacy bra, giving it a light squeeze. On the instant you threw your head back and leaned into his welcomed touch, feeling you were really close. "Just make her come, God!" Ben grunted while teasing your nipple. You felt the tension which had been building up within you reaching its peak and then you cried out as the climax hit you with full force, wrapping you in sweet warmth. All too soon your body went limp and you were very grateful for Ben's supporting arms. Thor followed shortly, leaning fully against the couch.    "It's good to see you again." the god spoke towards the other guy with closed eyes, which conjured a playful smirk on Ben's handsome face and made him shake his head in amusement. You pulled off of Thor and got back to your feet, your legs still feeling wobbly. Ben caught your arm and spun you around to embrace you while Thor got up and went directly to the bathroom. "So I guess at night it's going to be my turn, right?" Ben remarked nonchalantly and earned himself a gentle punch against his chest from you.    "Oh come on! Thor doesn't visit too often, don't be so possessive, Ben." you scolded with a soft laugh and marched in the direction of the bathroom as well.    Ben's mouth formed a perfect "O" as he pretended to feel insulted. "Oh my! He just pulled his dick out of you and you dare to call me possessive?" Your ringing laughter carried all the way back to the living room. You were blessed by having both of them, actually. "I'm sorry to tell you I ate the last poptarts we'd got left yesterday." Ben informed his friend with a smug smile when Thor had returned to the room with a towel wrapped around himself. "That's what I call fair share. You've got my girl, I've got your sweets."

"I bought some on my way home today. The box is in the cabinet on the right, you know." you called to them cheerfully. Thor's face lit up and a wide grin blossomed on his lips. "Ben, don't you wanna take a shower with me?" you asked seductively, poking your head out of the bathroom's door. "Seems it's your turn now. You know, fair share." Thor winked at Ben knowingly and disappeared in the kitchen while the dark-haired man hurried to join his girlfriend in whatever she had planned out. "If you guys be nice and behave, I might as well bake an apple pie for you." you purred, throwing your arms around Ben's neck, pressing against him. You knew your men had a sweet tooth and they simply loved your delicious apple pie. But even more than that, they loved you. And you loved them back as much, both of them.

[goldswanthetenth]

Confused

The feeling hit me like the hammer of a god, I need to focus, I really want that voice to shut up. The up is down, the inside is out and has me wondering whether it has been my fault.

Keeping blind to the obvious, ignoring the signs though I must admit it tastes like the best of wines. It's like a nightmare I've woken up from with a start, now building up the walls of protection as a shield to my heart.

Go for it or let it be and hope for the best? It seems to me that I failed in this mischievous test. Fight against it or succumb to the rising heat? Hell, I swear my heart now just skipped a beat!

I so hate that you have made me feel this way, I was supposed to be the hunter but you've turned me into your prey. In a flicker of a second the walls go tumbling down, leave me restless and with this confused frown.

[goldswanthetenth]

Between life and death

I wrote this in hospital when I was still suffering the after-effects of anaesthesia..

I've never thought this might happen so soon after finally grasping the life, one word will make you forever doomed, no matter that you're a daughter, sister, mother and wife. What am I supposed to do now? Can anyone look me in the eye and say that I am going to survive this and how, if there is possibly another way? Feeling sick to the bones, my head is spinning and lulling me to the inviting sweet blackness. Does it mean that the bitch is winning? 'Cause I have lost control of my consciousness. I am fighting a battle inside that no one knows about, maybe it is the time to decide and shake off the ever-present doubt. I want to remain asleep for all the eternity, blissfully unaware, surrounded by darkness. I don't give a damn about the world or my dignity though I feel it's filling your heart with sadness.

I see the bright spark, I know it is mine. Well, I am not sure whether I wish to follow, standing on the border line between the light and the shadow. It's not about fear, pain or regret but feeling nothing at all, when you lie in the arms of death, your body resembling a fancy rag doll. Then I somehow remember your smile and their happy faces. Hell, I am strong enough to surrender without even taking my chances. You whisper my name while holding my hand. There is no need to hide, some things you just can't pretend. And so I guess I'm still not ready to die.

[goldswanthetenth]

Still in hospital after the surgery but I really enjoy the view here :) Another great thing - Ben Barnes liked my tweet yesterday! <3

Did a happy dance and almost managed to get the stitches in my stomach burst :)

[goldswanthetenth]

Hawkeye’s Archery Practice Lesson

Clint Barton offered to teach you the art of archery himself. A short 'Hawkeye x reader' drabble I've written for my another friend who happens to have a crush on this handsome agent :-)

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"Aaaghrr!" you groaned in frustration and slowly put the bow down as yet another of your arrows landed close to the edge of a target. "I'll never be good enough." you sighed.

"Nonsense!" Hawkeye scoffed and gave you a reassuring smile. "One day you're gonna be a great archer." You looked at him with a doubtful expression on your face. "You think so?" "I know it." he replied resolutely and made your heart flutter. He was growing very fond of you and so he had offered these practice lessons to get to spend more time with you and you, having a pretty big crush on him, had agreed with gratitude. He then moved closer to you and took one more arrow from a quiver you wore on your back. "Here, let me help a little." he said and came to stand right behind you, helping you to attach the arrow to the bowstring and pushing your left foot more to a side with his own leg as to get you into the proper position. But you, however, found his efforts rather futile because when you felt his body so close to yours, all your concentration was directed elsewhere. You had no idea where the target was because you closed your eyes and relished the moment, shivers running up and down your spine as his scent tickled your nose. Suddenly, a swishing sound cut through the silence and you quickly opened your eyes to see the arrow disappear somewhere in a dark corner of the room. "Oops!" you chuckled but didn't dare to turn around and face your teacher for you felt quite embarrassed and the decent blush creeping up your cheeks. Hawkeye didn't seem to be discouraged by your terrible performance, though. Quite the opposite. "I've got an idea." he told you with a mischievous smile and strode towards the target. There he spun around and urged you to try again. "Are you insane? I might as well shoot you if you are going to stand there." you stared at him with disbelief, then shook your head slightly. "Come on, you can do this. I trust you enough." he encouraged you. And so you eventually took your stance and aimed. "It's not just about the concentration, it's also about the feelings. You must feel the right moment to release the arrow. Think of a target you would not want to miss." Hawkeye talked to you with his calm and soothing voice. You once again closed your eyes and when you felt the right moment, you released. In a second the black arrow pierced through a red spot in the middle of the target and conjured up a satisfied smile on your face.

Hawkeye whistled in appreciation and clapped his hands as he was walking back over to you. "See? That was a really nice shot." he praised your achievement. "May I ask what did you imagine as the target?" "Your heart." You replied bluntly. "And I wanted to hit its very centre." Your answer caught him off guard. "I'm not quite sure how to take this one." "Take it as you wish." you tittered and turned on your heels, marching towards the door. "See you tomorrow." you uttered over your shoulder casually before disappearing from his sight. Hawkeye gazed after you, already smiling like an idiot. He was definitely looking forward to your next lesson tomorrow.

[goldswanthetenth]

A Perfect Match

'Dorian Gray x reader' short story written for drinix. My first piece upon request.. Not sure if this is what you wanted but I hope you may still like it :)

When Dorian returned to London from his faraway travels, you instantly caught his eye. But you were engaged and had no intentions of leaving your fiancé, though he could sense you felt the same attraction to him as he did towards you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "Why him?" Dorian asked you with a bemused expression plastered on his handsome face.

His reaction made your heart flutter involuntarily and it scared you a little, you truly hated the fact that he still had such power over your feelings although you had promised yourself to another. You tried to mask your anxiety with a smirk when you answered to him. "Because he loves me and treats me the way I deserve." "I doubt that very much." Dorian scoffed and slightly shook his head. "Why don't you want to be mine, Y/N? You couldn't help but laugh at his suggestion. "Why the hell should I want it?"

"Because you love me." came his blunt reply and made you chuckle. "I've never said such a thing." "But you never denied it, either." "I deny it now, okay?" you huffed in irritation, he was getting on your nerves with this talk. "And why do you possibly care? You've always cared only about yourself, keep that on." Dorian studied you closely, only adding to your exasperation. "I know you love me, Y/N." Your eyes narrowed at him, "You think so high of yourself, Dorian. And even if it were true, we would never work together. Never could I be happy with someone like you." "Why not?" he frowned. "Because I'm not going to share my man with the others and I know you, Dorian." you explained dryly. "Your reputation preceeds you. And I have no desire to become one of your whores, thank you." "Well..." Dorian's frown deepened, "I didn't expect such a quick and harsh judgement from you. Especially from you." You only raised your eyebrow in confusion. "You know I'm not the only one here with a troubled past." he stated confidently. "What do you mean?" your question carried a dangerous tone but Dorian didn't seem to notice it, or more probably decided to ignore it. "That you are simply too keen to criticize me, for someone who got her own parents killed." Dorian somehow couldn't prevent a satisfied smile from spreading over his lips. But as he kept watching your bewildered face, it became obvious that by saying those words he had crossed the line and he immediately regretted ever letting them out of his mouth. It took you a while to register and process his sentence but as soon as you did, it briskly got you up on your feet. "That wasn't funny, Dorian." Your voice trembled and your eyes glistened in the light of the room. "It was an accident." And you turned on your heels, taking a swift leave. On the instant, Dorian ran after you. "Y/N! Y/N, wait! I'm sorry for what I said, I really am!" You willed your feet to a halt but didn't feel like turning around and facing him again. "I know I'm an idiot, Y/N. Please..." He gently grabbed your waist in attempt to make you look him in the eye, to see the truth reflecting there. But the moment his hands touched your body, you couldn't hold back anymore and slapped him across a cheek. No matter how much you really loved him, he was a jerk. "Don't you dare put your hands on me ever again!" You sounded threatening enough that he stepped back absentmindedly and stared after your retreating form. ... Dorian was walking the darkened streets at a fast pace, his steps firm and determined. It had been three months since the unfortunate incident, when he so indiscreetly insulted you, and no day had passed without him sinking into self-loathing for hurting you with his cruel words. Three long months and he hadn't even caught a glimpse of you. Until today. He had spotted you in the foyer of a theatre before the beginning of the performance and you had spared him a glance before your husband had forcefully led you away, out of his sight. But the brief, fleeting look had made his stomach twist, he could have sworn there had been something going on with you. And it had been a reason enough for him to make up his mind and pay you a visit. You were sitting by your vanity, slowly removing the thick layer of powder on your face. Soon, the true colourful state of your cheek was revealed and you sighed. Never would you have thought that you were going to be such a mess only two months after your fairytale-like wedding. You'd seen Dorian in the theatre today and you had wished to run towards him, to tell him that he'd been right about your feelings and that you had already forgiven him for acting like a stupid nut. But George had pushed you forward and your chance had been gone. All of a sudden, you heard a familiar voice from the grand hall and your whole body tensed up. What the hell was he doing here?! "To what do we owe the pleasure, Dorian?" George sniggered after letting the other man in. "You didn't attend our wedding which has me wondering why are you coming now?" "Where is Y/N?" Dorian growled angrily. Before George could open his mouth again, you came to the fore and spoke softly "Dorian. I am glad to see you again." Your husband's eyes narrowed at you dangerously but you couldn't bring yourself to care anymore. Dorian's mouth sligtly opened at the sight of you, he immediately noticed the bruise on your left cheek. A second later he was already gripping George's collar, snarling at him "What have you done to her?!" With great effort George shoved Dorian off of himself. "She's my wife and I can do as I please with her!" This statement earned him a punch in the face from the handsome. George was holding his bleeding nose and yelled "Are you insane?! You're going to pay for this, Gray!" But Dorian wasn't afraid of him. Instead, he used his walking stick to knock George down and got onto him, hitting his shocked face again and again till his hand hurt. "Dorian! Please stop it! Dorian!" your screams echoed throughout the spacious room as you rushed towards the two men. "He's had enough." you told him with tears in your eyes as you gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He reluctantly let go of the limp body and stood up, pulling you into his arms without hesitation. "I'm so sorry for what I said back then, Y/N. I merely wanted to point out that we were a perfect match, a fornicator and a killer." He heard you chuckle and added "We would definitely give the people something to talk about." You withdrew from him a little bit and looked up. "You were right, I've been in love with you ever since the first day we met." you admitted bashfully. "I know." Dorian nodded and his lips quirked up into a smile. "Me, too." Both your and his eyes had locked together before he tentatively leaned down and kissed you tenderly. "Now let's go, you are not going to stay in this bloody house any longer." Dorian announced after the kiss. A frown had marred your pretty face. "But where will we go?" Dorian once again pulled you close and kissed your forehead in a loving manner. "Does it really matter?" A coy smile bloomed on your lips as you took his outstretched hand resolutely, allowing him to lead you wherever his heart was guiding him. He might not have been a saint before but he had changed, that was for sure. And he was positive that with Y/N by his side he could finally find the real happiness he had been so desperately looking for.

[goldswanthetenth]

Fine is your most dangerous word.

[goldswanthetenth]

Keep your gifts. Gimme your time.

[goldswanthetenth]

Nothing is perfect, nor are we.

[goldswanthetenth]

If you don't eat vegetables, you'll get elven ears.

my 5-year old daughter random quote of the day

Made me look like 'WTF? Did I miss something?' :)

[goldswanthetenth]

In Love with Dorian Gray

There are times I recall that day, with a pink ribbon in my hair and the eyes of ten-year old, I stood like frozen though it was not even cold, with the face of an angel you just took my breath away.

You called me your muse and I was your friend, but then the things began to change unexpectedly, no longer were you the one I had fallen in love all too heatedly, the angel was gone replaced by a devil who only tried to pretend.

I could not have reached you beyond the line of whores, acrid smoke of cigarettes and stinging smell of alcohol, but still I wanted no one else to make me whole, and I felt the darkness in me expand its shores.

I saw the picture and I came to know, but oh, you poor man, Dorian will make you pay. Just why did you have to disobey? By learning the truth you have become his foe.

I watched the man crumple to the floor, a piece of broken mirror glass stabbed in his throat, your hands and face, my darling, all covered in blood, as you kept jabbing the limp, lifeless body all the more.

The guilt and fear forced you to leave without a word, while I had to stay, growing up day by day, wrapped up in my grief as I whispered a silent prayer, to meet you again in this cold and cruel world.

And my wish indeed came true, two decades had passed although you still looked the same, we both knew that the portrait was to blame, after everything we had gone through.

The spark never ceased, it might as well grow stronger, you took off my clothes, I slipped out of my grace, we both may be sinners with an angelic face, you broke my wings before, they are no longer.

Lost in your warmth, drowning in pleasure I shed all my fears of what tomorrow may bring, expected nothing from you, no vows nor a ring. Yet you kept holding me like your most precious treasure.

I am not going to regret this, there is no way. Maybe one day we will find ourselves a cell, where we will burn together in hell. But 'til the day comes, I will remain in love with Dorian Gray.

[goldswanthetenth]

Loki’s Cute Moment

Loki finds out about his baby :-) Just a quick 'Loki x reader' drabble I've written for my friend who's a huge Loki fan.

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"Kneel in front of me!" you commanded sternly after you had spun around and pushed him away from yourself, thwarting his attempt to embrace you from behind.

Loki was rather taken aback by your reaction but merely raised his eyebrow at you. "I said. Get. On. Your. Knees." you almost growled at him. He had frowned a little before the corners of his mouth quirked up in a mischievous smile and he indeed got on his knees in front of you. "Is this some sort of a role reversal play, love? I feel really excited wondering what you are going to do to me." "You know, Loki, this is quite ridiculous." you told him with bitterness in your voice. "What I am going to do to you... Now you will listen to what you actually have done to me!" He was gazing up at you when you were talking to him and he noticed that your face was pretty serious this time. It dawned on him that this wasn't any of the games you had used to play and he desperately tried to think of a possible reason which had caused you such a distress. "But I... " he spoke up but you harshly cut him off. "Shut up and listen, you jerk!" you snapped out, effectively silencing him. Then you made two steps towards his kneeling form so his head rested on your still flat belly. "Now, can you hear that?" you asked him softly. Loki was completely dumbfounded at first but then his godly and much more sensitive instincts caught on to the low faint noises reminiscing a sound of the heartbeat. He tilted his head up to look at you with disbelief and you smirked, seeing his perplexed face was priceless and truly worth all the charade. "Well, my God of Mischief, are you going to say something funny?" you sniggered.

Loki's mouth went open but no words came out. He shook his head slightly, then met your eyes again and with a satisfied grin he said, "I can't wait for Loki junior to finally kick Thor's ass, love." You only rolled your eyes at him, "That's exactly what I expected you to say, darling." And you eventually let him stand up and pull you into a loving hug.