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two year anniversary of my vocabulary being permanently changed for the worse

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shoutout to someone who i considered a best friend for frustrating me endlessly tonight!!

tw // rape mentions/politics/religious views

so i'm a victim, i don't try to hide it or anything. i was having a conversation with my friend about our soon-to-be president. we've already talking about luigi mangione a few times (which always ended in disagreement, seeing as i am on his side and my friend was in favor of him being guilty on every charge/luigi facing all potential punishments from the justice system).

i told my friend about trump's shitty history with women (it did pertain to the conversation we were already having, i didn't just starting talking about that out of nowhere) and he very quickly told me that it doesn't matter, because God loves everyone and trump loves God, so there's nothing i can do about it. he didn't explicitly say it, but over the course of several texts, he was basically trying to tell me to shut up about it.

i expressed that i was frustrated with him for saying these things, because yes, while God loves all His children, it's just like...really?? even the rapists??

and then my friend started defending rapists, and that's when i lost my shit. he knows damn well that i'm a victim, and i don't know what was happening or going through his head, but it's just like...dude. and he kept using religion as an argument.

now, i am religious. it took me lots of years and overcoming the good old Catholic Guilt TM, but i am religious. however, i would never use religion as an argument for a situation like this.

i guess i just kind of needed to rant about this. i don't really care about political views as long as you yourself are a good person. but defending rapists because "God loves everyone" and saying that to a victim just isn't cool. to me, rape is the one crime you will never be able to justify. and he was trying to justify it.

ugh.

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i was having a discussion with my mother about the whole luigi mangione situation and my thoughts on it (free him; innocent until proven guilty) and my little brother--who's in middle school--overheard me saying luigi and this boy deadass thought that luigi from the super mario franchise came to life and shot a ceo😭😭

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merry christmas to all my mutuals and followers, and everyone else seeing this too <3

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in my opinion, we definitely need to have more checks for things (like IDs, warrants, that kind of stuff). more training for sure, and it should not be as easy to buy a gun as it is right now. that’s the biggest part of the issue; so many people have easy access to firearms when they shouldn’t.

(feel like i should also add that i grew up in a household with firearms and they were always locked up. i was always safe. i have no issue with weapons so long as they are out of reach of people who shouldn’t have them)

fears.

tw: school shooting/gun discussion, politics

as someone who lived through a school shooting when i was in middle school, i can tell you firsthand that shit is not fun or a joke. now it's been a long time since i graduated middle school, but i literally still get nightmares about it.

(thankfully nobody was killed. some injured, but none dead.)

i'm not saying that we need to completely ban guns. i'm saying we need some damn restrictions. i work with children and let me tell you, i am scared every day that it will be my last. that i won't be able to protect those kids.

we need to put people through more training. people need more licenses. we need more rules. we need gun control.

i am scared for the new presidency. i am scared that the few bans we currently have in places will be lifted and that there will be no bans at all. i fear for my safety, my family's safety, my friends', and all those kids i work with safety.

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fears.

tw: school shooting/gun discussion, politics

as someone who lived through a school shooting when i was in middle school, i can tell you firsthand that shit is not fun or a joke. now it's been a long time since i graduated middle school, but i literally still get nightmares about it.

(thankfully nobody was killed. some injured, but none dead.)

i'm not saying that we need to completely ban guns. i'm saying we need some damn restrictions. i work with children and let me tell you, i am scared every day that it will be my last. that i won't be able to protect those kids.

we need to put people through more training. people need more licenses. we need more rules. we need gun control.

i am scared for the new presidency. i am scared that the few bans we currently have in places will be lifted and that there will be no bans at all. i fear for my safety, my family's safety, my friends', and all those kids i work with safety.

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to the person in my inbox making rape threats;

you're not funny and you're not cute. i'm a fucking victim and i don't take that shit lightly. you have been blocked and reported.

it's never okay to make that kind of joke or threat, especially now with what america will become in the next few months. i'm not going to rant because this is pretty self explanatory, but it's still fucked up.

to my mutuals/followers; if someone is making these types of threats to you, please report and block them. i'm here if y'all need to talk.

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"Too impaired by my youth, to know what to do..."

"If you wanna break my cold, cold heart, say you loved me..."

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would just like to say that if any bitches get in my way tomorrow (black friday), i will be throwing hands. that taylor swift CD is mine.

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Some Warnings For Birth Control

I just recently started birth control and I’ve been doing a lot of research on it so that I can keep track of my symptoms and what not. I had extremely painful periods and needed the birth control or else I’d be throwing up, shaky, and all sorts of other bad things.

Anyways, I started looking into depression prevention methods for myself. I’ve had depression many times before and I know birth control can cause it, so I’m taking preemptive measures. While I was looking at the article I read, I found out that not only is birth control an inflammatory, but it causes vitamin depletions.

These nutrient depletions could be an underlying cause to so many peoples’ depression when they take birth control. I’m angry that this isn’t in the normal list of symptoms and that I have to specifically look for it. I searched it up after I saw it in the article and it’s completely true! I’m pissed that this has to be specifically searched up when it should be listed in the symptom list. People knowing about this could not only make them healthier, in terms of vitamins and nutrients, but make them healthier mentally, even if they’re not taking birth control.

The vitamins, acids, and minerals that are typically depleted are vitamin E; vitamin C; Vitamin B2, B6, and B12; magnesium; folic acids; zinc; the amino acid tyrosine; and selenium. I went and gathered a list of foods that would help keep these vitamins, minerals, and acid levels mostly normal (but I would recommend supplements if you can’t have any of these). I recommend doing your own research and figuring out what is best for you; I’m not a doctor and I’m certainly not a dietitian.

Vitamin B2: Almonds, whole oats, whole grain barley, quinoa, wild rice, soybeans, beef, salmon, pork, spinach, avocado, eggs, collard greens, romaine lettuce, milk, legumes, chicken, turkey.

Vitamin B6: Chickpeas, beef, turkey, brown rice, potatoes, chestnuts, salmon, poultry, milk, carrots, spinach, green peas, bananas, avocado.

Vitamin B12: Salmon, Yogurt, eggs, nutritional yeast, cheese, pork, milk, beef, chicken, turkey.

Vitamin C: Oranges, lemon, brussel sprouts, mango, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, cauliflower, tomatoes, cantaloupe, broccoli, strawberries, mustard greens, pineapple.

Vitamin E: Almonds, broccoli, hazelnut, asparagus, pumpkin, mango, peanut butter, spinach, pine nuts, mustard greens, tomatoes.

Magnesium: Almonds, pecans, spinach, black beans, avocado, cashews, pumpkin seed, chia seed, potatoes, leafy greens, brown rice, peanuts, yogurt, salmon, dark chocolate, tofu, bananas, legumes.

Zinc: Beef, pork, chicken, pine nuts, peanuts, cashews, almonds, legumes, seeds, dairy products, oats, black beans.

Selenium: Pork, beef, chicken, eggs, Brazil nuts, salmon, grains, turkey, brown rice, sunflower seeds, lentils, baked beans, oatmeal, spinach, milk, yogurt, pistachios, bananas.

Folic Acids: Broccoli, Brussel sprouts, cabbage, kale, spring greens, spinach, peas, chickpeas, kidney beans, legumes, asparagus, eggs, beets, citrus fruits, bananas.

Tyrosine: soy products, chicken, turkey, fish, peanuts, almonds, avocados, bananas, milk, cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, lima beans, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds.

You can take prenatal supplements that will give you a good dosage of all of these! There are supplements for people who need them and we need to be aware of what the doctors aren’t telling us. People who take birth control are more likely to become depressed or suicidal, even more so in teens, so this needs to be known. I don’t care if it stops 1 or a 1000 cases of depression/suicide because even if it helps prevent 1, just 1, then EVERYONE needs to know. This could save someone, even if it doesn’t seem like a lot or doesn’t seem that serious.

What each vitamin, mineral, acid does for your body:

Vitamin B2: important for the growth, development, and function of the cells in your body, energy production, and metabolism of fats, drugs, and steroids

Vitamin B6: important for normal brain development and for keeping the nervous system and immune system healthy

Vitamin B12: helps keep blood and nerve cells healthy. It's also essential for DNA synthesis, red blood cell formation, and converting food into energy

Vitamin C: needed for the growth and repair of tissues in all parts of your body. It is used to: Form an important protein called collagen, used to make skin, tendons, ligaments, and blood vessels

Vitamin E: vital for vision, reproduction, and the health of the brain, blood, and skin

Magnesium: better sleep, increased energy levels and improved mood, helps the heart maintain a healthy rhythm and is involved in the regulation of blood pressure and cholesterol production

Zinc: helps your immune system and metabolism function, important to wound healing and your sense of taste and smell

Selenium: reduction in cancer risk, cardiovascular, Alzheimer's disease, thyroid disease, and beneficial effects on reproductive health and fertility

Folic Acids: helps your body make new cells, reduces your risk for heart disease, stroke and some types of cancers

Tyrosine: essential component for the production of several important brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, including epinephrine, norepinephrine, and dopamine. Neurotransmitters help nerve cells communicate and influence mood. Tyrosine also helps produce melanin, the pigment responsible for hair and skin color

^This is just a basic list and does not include everything that these vitamins do. Remember to always do your own research, I may not have had everything right!

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officially started my new birth control today, send prayers😭

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hello! welcome to my blog♡

thank you for stopping by!

i'm Leila and use she/her/hers. i'm a writer who's currently majoring in musical education! i'm a huge book nerd as well and i love to read.

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i'm a huge advocate for women's health; as someone who had to wait four years for medication, you can see that i'd have some strong beliefs on it (like this post here!) and also mental health awareness in general. i struggled in silence for so long and firmly believe that people should be allowed to get the treatment they deserve.

also, deny defend depose. free luigi mangione and briana boston.

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i'm always available to talk as well!! if you ever want to chat, just shoot me a message or an ask and i'll be sure it respond.

remember that you're important and please take care of yourself! have a wonderful day♡

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yes, periods are that bad.

i don't typically rant about these kinds of things, but lord, i must get this off my chest.

for context: i've been getting periods since i was twelve and got diagnosed with endometriosis at fourteen, and have been on the Pill since i was sixteen.

today, while i was at lunch with a group of friends (most of which were men--my female best friend was not there today), the topic of periods came up. don't remember how or why, but it came up regardless. the guys all said that getting kicked in the balls hurts worse than a period and childbirth.

while i may have never given birth or been kicked in the balls (that i don't have) before, i have had awful periods. they're long and they hurt and i'm constantly in some kind of pain.

i brought up, politely, that i can say with a lot of certainty that getting a period hurts worse than getting kicked in the balls. they were shocked i'd even have such a take and they were immediately offended, all insisting that i was wrong. i was being overdramatic, they said.

i brought up after that that i have endometriosis and they said that it couldn't be that bad, that it still wasn't nearly as bad as what they were describing.

yes, i'm sure being kicked in a private area hurts a lot. but do you know the pain of having your internal organs shed and having that come out of a small hole? and for me, it's not for a week, it's for anywhere between 8-10 days (before i took the Pill, it's about 8-9 days now, but i'm getting my meds kicked up soon). so imagine, if you will, walking around as though everything is normal, and yet for over a week, i'm bleeding and cramping and in a ton of mental distress.

i'm sorry that it hurts when you get kicked in the balls, i truly am. but do not try to downplay my pain and insist that i am the one out of line, that i am wrong. you're entitled to your own opinions, but don't be a dick about it.

if you're going to act like that, respectfully, go fuck yourself. because i'm not sure any sane woman will fuck you herself.

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i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

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SO

my bf and i constantly have "arguments" over who the better driver is and yes, while i may have hit a few curbs and ran a stop sign, i'm not that bad

but TONIGHT, oh tonight

his dumbass is the one that got pulled over. i've never been pulled over.

i think i'm winning now

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rereading my dark vanessa so i can write a comparative essay on that and lolita and let me just say this shit is killing me bro😭

especially as a victim who's been thru this exact situation, this shit is hurting my soul. i've read both books twice now and it's still a stab in the heart each time