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post ovulation clarity

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rereading bones and all and i already want to ram my head against the wall

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i love u characters who are victims who don't show things in a way that's appealing i love u characters whos trauma leaves them with anger issues, with violence issues, with issues with connection and trust and being truthful i love you characters who don't get "better" in a way that's palatable, who don't find growth and meaning in their trauma

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Margaret Atwood, from The Door: Poems; “Europe on 5$ a day”

[Text ID: “I’ve cut myself off. / I can feel the place / where I used to be attached. / It’s raw, as when you grate / your finger. It’s a shredded mess / of images. It hurts.”]

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inara 4, 10, 13, 17

amadis 1, 3, 7, 9

20 for both <33

hi :) <3

Inara

4. And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

If you’ve known of her since I first introduced her then you know the thing I unfortunately have struggled most with is her name. I’m not even sure if the name she has now will stick but I do know I like it the most out of all the others, it definitely fits her the most. All of my trouble really came down to the fact that her and Amadis started out with really similar names, embarrassingly so. Her appearance and personality have also had changes but that was never as complicated as finding a name that suited her.

10. What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

Not sure if I could say Inara has any positive developments in her arc; I think it’s really centered around her acceptance or lack of acceptance in what she’s become. She gets her happy ending, as tragic as it is, but it’s the only one that makes sense for her and it gives her the freedom she’s wanted her whole life but never thought she deserved.

13. Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

I don’t have a voice claim for her yet, but I’ve always imagined her voice to be sort of raspy. In her adolescent years it would’ve been softer, she’d probably choke out her words given she was never talkative to begin with - likely because she was much too afraid to be. She is southern raised so she had a strong accent; after she runs away it’s less so.

17. Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

Bird motif is probably my main association with Inara. Birds can symbolize life, death, devotion, grief and love - all extremely pivotal themes in her journey. I think they mainly represent the freedom she yearns for, entirely from herself – especially as she gradually loses all sense of self.

20. Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about.

Going to share one of my favorite bits from her childhood that I wrote in my notes a year ago. It perfectly captures how she feels about herself already at such a young age, partly her father’s influence, and also touches on Something Else Entirely That I Won’t Talk About Yet. Please ignore any grammar mistakes, I didn’t have the energy to edit before sharing.

Amadis

1. What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

Amadis was actually created before Inara, as a vampiric character that I hadn’t planned on doing much else with - I was just playing around in The Sims. Honestly I lost all thought to do anything else with them until I made Inara completely for them, then Inara (thank God) became her own character and I gradually started centering this story around her. I think - I say “think” because I honestly cannot remember - they were both just going to be vampires, but then I was obsessed with Bones and All (2022) and the thematic elements of cannibalism in literature and movies and I was also greatly inspired by lucidicer.tumblr.com. Everyone should read Bones and All by the way. And watch the movie. TW for Timothée Chalamet.

3. What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

I want to say their appearance was the first thing I decided on but I have changed their appearance in many incredibly drastic ways so it wouldn’t really feel true. Their personality has also had some major developments plus their role in the story - and, as I’ve said before, their name was changed multiple times along with Inara’s. If anything I guess their role as Inara’s partner was the very first thing I was set on, and also latching dog motifs onto them.

7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

Their acne scars, mole on their bottom lip, the scar that slices through their top lip, and their strained and tired, almost dead-like eyes. And also their reading glasses. The freak that I become when I think about them in their reading glasses needs to be studied. And their vintage-like suits. Also arms. Obviously.

9. How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

I guess their role in the story is pretty big, it does play an important part in Inara’s arc but as much as I talk about their relationship within the story – it isn’t the story. If that makes any sense at all. There’s a lot about Amadis’s background that won’t even be part of the main story, but they are certainly a big influence on it. Calling them a background guy wouldn’t really be fitting. But if I had a favorite “background guy”, it would likely be Soleil (Inara’s childhood best friend) or Adaliah (character who has yet to be mentioned) - who are also pretty big roles.

20. Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about.

I’m not really sure what to talk about for them, feels like all my rambles about them are repetitive but I’ll never pass up the chance to talk about their sadomasochism, their obsessiveness, what they’re like with other people vs. with Inara and/or their parents (I guess more so their body language,, I love talking about body language for my ocs), their relationship with their grandmother, and/or the oppressive nature in what they vs. Inara do. You can just dm me if you want a specific ramble but no pressure :)

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From Invisible Dreams by Toi Derricotte

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“THE TOWN TOO TOUGH TO DIE” | LISTING

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if i handed you my heart, red and dripping, would you put it between your teeth? would you put it under your heel and slowly grind it into the ground? or would you kiss it gently, sweetly, and hand it back to me, heavier than it had been?

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characters with prey animal rage

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Momtaza Mehri, "This Little, This Late"

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like not even joking lad

amadeus age 6-11

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amadeus age 6-11

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just remember, tense your shoulders, grit your teeth, take rapid shallow breaths and say to yourself ”oh shit, oh fuck, this is all my fault”

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Character asks!

These are more focused on the background stuff rather than the usual "what would the character do in XY situation" kinds of asks. I've been looking for something like this for quite a while and in the end decided to make my own. Feel free to use, go wild, enjoy

What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?

Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

Do you have any quotes tied to the character, either from the story itself or from another source that fit them?

Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

Does the character have other characters connected to them? Do you have a family tree and "offscreen" connections made up for them or do they exist in a vacuum purely for the purpose of the story?

What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

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Character who doesn't get to die & character who doesn't get to live. Is that anything.

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The Sorrow Festival, Erin Slaughter