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What if

Title: What if

Pairing: Reader x Cas

Theme song: Touch by Troye Sivan

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“You two can head back inside. Sam and I will check out the rogue vamp Jodi mentioned.”

You finished taking out your hair tie before turning back to Dean, hair falling and framing your face. “Just the two of you? Isn’t that case just a couple of towns over? Why don’t we all just go now; get it done quicker?”

“Y/N ’s right,” I finally spoke up. “With the four of us, we can-“

“Dammit Cas,” Dean interrupted, his glare annoyed. “I don’t have time to argue about this. Sammy, let’s go!”

Sam gave you an apologetic look as Dean walked away. “Sorry, it’s just- he’d kill me if he knew I told you this but uh, it’s not just a vamp that’s a few towns over. There’s this girl, and uh, knowing Dean- I should probably be there if it goes south.”

“All the more reason we should all go. We can protect this girl Dean seems to care about,” I continued, missing the pointed look he gave me. Your soft laughter was the only thing that broke my concentration.

“Cas,” you laughed, swatting my arm playfully. The contact sent a pleasant warm wave through my vessel. “It’s not the vampire’s thirst that girl has to worry about.”

I tilted my head to the side in confusion. Your only response was another soft laugh as you moved a strand of your seemingly soft hair behind your ear. But as enthralled by you as I was, I could still hear Sam let out an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t worry about it Sam. We’ll just hang here. Call us if you need anything. You should probably get in the car before Dean leaves without you.”

“Alright,” he smiled before jogging his way to the Impala, but not before sending another look my way.

“Oh, but Sam” you called to him. “Try to find yourself a nice girl and have some fun. Or, you know, a bad one if that’s what you’re into.”

“Shut up!” he cried over his shoulder.

“Make the trip worth the ride,” you cried back, laughing as you turned towards the bunker’s doors. I turned to follow you, but not before hearing a very sarcastic prayer.

Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hollowed be Thy angel’s brain; his chance has come; we will be done if he doesn’t up his game.

A soft blush covered your cheeks. “I can’t believe I didn’t know you don’t eat. Great friend I am, huh?” You shyly looked back at the plate that now held a serving much too big for you.

“You’re a wonderful friend,” I replied, holding back the frustration that came with that word. Its meaning not strong enough to describe you, yet its power kept me at a distance too far for my liking.

“Well, the boys won’t be back for a while. You mind if I ask you some questions; get to know you better?”

I smiled, gesturing you to continue as you swept another strand of hair behind your ear.

“You must sleep.”

“Angels don’t sleep. We’re not limited to the basic needs of our vessels.”

“So your mind never rests? That sounds exhausting.”

“I suppose it can be. We have what you could call a mental plane where we can go to have a reprieve from prayers and from each other. Time is fluid there. We can escape to events that have occurred or visit possible futures.”

“Whoa. That sounds…intense. So in ‘hairless-apes’ words, it’s like daydreaming?”

“Something like that,” I smiled, very much enjoying your bright attentive eyes on me. Selfishly, I thought of how much I would enjoy having that expression reserved only for me. “But it’s as you said, intense.” Your expression changed again as laughter reached your eyes.

“Alright smart ass. I’m guessing not showering is also an angelic benefit. I on the other hand feel like I still have the stench of shifter flesh all over me. Will you still be here so we can watch a movie or something later? Or will you be-“

“I’m not going anywhere,” I interrupted, excited at the opportunity to be alone with you outside of a case. You smiled back at me.

“Cool.”

“It’s about time you decided to take Y/N out on a proper date. I’m surprised she hasn’t ditched your ass yet,” Dean said as he got himself another beer from the fridge.

“Shut up Dean,” Sam chided. “Don’t listen to him Cas. I think you guys will have a great time.”

“No Sam, Dean’s right. Y/N and I do spend a lot of time together, hunting and here at the bunker. But I’ve never taken her anywhere. She’s going to realize that and question why she ever agreed to be with me.”

“Relax man,” Dean clapped me on the back, shaking me out of my anxious mind. “Y/N isn’t like that. She’s cool. And she likes dorky guys, and you my friend, are as dorky as they come. Speaking of which, where are you guys going?”

“I’m taking her to California. We’re going to go blueberry picking. I thought it would be a good idea since it’s her favorite fruit. But now that I think about it, who takes a date to do something as physical as picking fruit?”

“I can think of other activities that are a lot more physical than fruit picking, Cas.”

“Jesus, Dean,” Sam sighed, shaking his head. “Stop listening to him Cas, and please trust me when I say that she is going to love it.”

“Just be careful when you zap her. Last time you zapped me somewhere, I couldn’t poop for a week.”

“Yeah, yeah, Dean. We know,” you laughed as you entered the kitchen. “For someone who says they were inconvenienced by it, you sure bring it up a lot.” You shifted uncomfortably as we all turned our attention to you. Dean was the first to react as he let out a low whistle.

“Wow Y/N. You clean up nicely. Who would have thought the best werewolf tracker this side of Colorado would look like that in a skirt.”

Blushing, you rolled your eyes at him. “It’s called a sundress, Winchester.”

“Whatever it’s called, you look nice,” Sam said as he got up to give you a sideways hug. “Come on Dean. Let’s leave them to it. Besides, I need your help putting a bag around my cast.” He motioned to his arm.

“I still don’t get it Sammy. For a giant you sure are fragile.” Their voices faded down the hall as I turned my attention back to you. Why did I even look away in the first place?

“Am I dressed okay?” you looked down self-consciously, tugging at the hem of your dress. “You said to dress for warm and sunny weather, and to wear comfortable shoes. These flats are okay, but maybe I should bring a pair of nice shoes if you’re planning on taking me somewhere fancy. Now that I think about it, this dress isn’t nice enough for a fancy place. And I didn’t do anything special with my hair-“

I reached over to tuck a strand behind your ear. I always marveled at how soft it was. “You look wonderful. And I’m pleased to see I’m not the only one nervous about this.”

You smiled and looked away. “I don’t know why we’re nervous. We’ve been together for a couple of weeks now.”

“Five weeks.”

“Right, five weeks. And we’ve known each other longer than that.”

“I for one hope this feeling never goes away. I like it.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. You did that sometimes when you tried to stop yourself from smiling. “Alright Mr. Charm. Where are we going?”

“Is the fire really necessary?” I muttered slightly disoriented, blinking as I tried to adjust to my surroundings.

“You tell me Cas,” Dean replied as he placed the bowl he had used for the summoning to the side. “You disappear on Y/N, you leave her alone after she gives you the big news, and you weren’t answering any of our prayers. What’s up with that, man?”

“Where is she?”

“She’s upstairs. Sam’s with her. She’s a wreck. She- You know, you two take the title of Honorary Winchesters very seriously. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on before Sam gets here. If he sees you here he might just break the holy fire and yank out your grace himself.”

I looked down avoiding his gaze, the shame and guilt of what I had done was just too much to bare. “Has she been crying?”

“Y/N? Are you kidding me? I wish she was! Then Sam and I could do an ice cream run or something. Nope, she’s upstairs doing research for the next hunt.”

I looked up at him then. If Dean noticed the lights in the dungeon flicker uncontrollably, he didn’t voice it. “She can’t go. You can’t let her.”

“You’re preaching to the choir. Why do you think Sam’s up there now? I was blue in the face by the time I was done trying to reason with her,” he looked away as he started to pace the room. “Listen Cas. I summoned you so that I could get a straight answer. Are you in this with her or not? Because if you’re not then whatever. You’re a douche, but that’s your choice. Just tell us all we need to know about raising and protecting a Nephilim child. Sam and I will take care of the rest. The only thing we ask is that if you’re out, you’re out for good. Y/N doesn’t need that. She doesn’t deserve that.”

How could I even begin to explain to him the thoughts that were rampant in my mind? “I…I just don’t want to fail them.”

“That’s what this is about? Dammit Cas. When you have doubts like this you don’t just up and literally vanish on the mother of your future child right after she tells you! You talk about it. But for what it’s worth,” he said empathetically as he moved to break the holy fire. “as long as you don’t go the John Winchester route of parenting, you should be fine. Not like Y/N would let you anyway. And you can bet your ass Sam and I aren’t going to let anything happen to her or that baby. Besides, you already send dorky dad texts. If anything, you’re ahead of the game.”

“You really think so Dean?”

“Don’t worry about what I think. You’ve got a pissed off pregnant hunter upstairs you have to make amends with. Good luck buddy.”

I found you in the library a couple of minutes later. Your back was to me as you read through a lore book, diligently writing notes of whatever it was you were reading. Sam wasn’t there, probably by Dean’s doing.

“Y/N?” your shoulders tensed for the briefest moment before you continued to finish what you were writing.

“Castiel,” you retorted. Your tone and formality made me wince. I took a seat next to you, knowing I had to press on. I had to make this right again.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.” You didn’t reply. You simply closed the book and turned to me, giving me your full attention. My heart ached at your stare. It wasn’t the doting, attentive kind I had relished in back when I had explained to you that angels didn’t sleep. Nor was it the kind you had bestowed upon me multiple times since then. This was colder, harder, it made me falter. “I- I can’t begin to express my regret.”

“How about you tell me why you left. That would be a good place to start, don’t you think?”

“I was afraid.” scoffing, you looked away, biting the inside of your cheek. “Please,” I implored. “Just let me finish. I was afraid. I was afraid that I would fail you. I have already blatantly placed you in danger just by loving you. What if I’m not able to protect you from the new dangers that come with this? It’s no secret that my past actions have caused chaos and disappointment for many. What if I’m just a disappointment? What if I fail protecting you? What if I choose to be here but become as absent as my own father? What if-what if my good intentions just aren’t enough? It wouldn’t be the first time.”

You reached out and put your hand gently over mine, bringing your other hand to cup my face. I instinctively leaned into your touch. “What if you don’t? What if you are good enough? Did you ever think of that?”

I looked up at your face. Your eyes had lost some of the icy anger that they had held just moments ago. However, now I could truly see the hurt that I had caused you. Another failure on my part.

“Hey, look at me Cas. I get it. Believe me, I do. This is all really new and scary, for both of us. I would be lying if I said a little part of me didn’t want to run away when I found out. But that wouldn’t have changed anything. Do you want to know what kept me grounded?”

“What?��

“The thought of a child that resembled you.”

“Y/N, my vessel-“

“That’s not what I mean Cas. Forget about looking like your vessel. I know deep in my heart that when I look into that child’s eyes for the first time, I’ll catch a glimpse of you. Of your grace, your essence. The looks of wonder it will give to the world will be the same ones that you probably gave when you saw the stars created, they’ll hold the same amazement yours did as when-“ But I didn’t let you finish. Instead, I leaned in and softly pressed my lips against yours.

“When you first came into my life?” I finished as I slowly pulled away from our kiss.

“You’re a jerk, you know that? You fly off without warning, then you come back, all smooth with your stupidly perfect kisses,” you looked away, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to appear. “Don’t you think, not even for a minute, that I’m not still mad at you.”

I leaned in once more, brushing my lips against your jaw. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

“You can start by never doing this to me again. Do you understand?” a tear streamed down your face now, your voice hitching. “All those times we’ve hunted together, not once did I doubt that you would have my back. But this- This is big Cas. I need you to have my back in this. You’re scared? I’m terrified! And if we’re going to do this, I need to know you’re never going to make me feel that type of panic ever again.”

“Just that type of panic?”

“Smart ass,” you replied, gently pushing me back and letting out a dry laugh. “I’m being realistic here. You and the boys are probably going to get into something dangerous again at some point in this child’s life. Probably saving the world from demonic aliens or something. I can handle that kind of fear. I’m going to have to. I just can’t handle the kind you made me go through today.”

“You have my word.”

“What did you just say? Who taught you this?” I asked in shock, looking down at my son.

“Auntie Hannah was here. She taught Mary and I how to say it. Isn’t that how you say ‘Daddy’ in Enochian?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. You always said he resembled me when he did that. You came into view then, rounding the corner as you entered the library with Mary in your arms.

“Cas! I didn’t hear you come in. Look Mary! Look who it is!”

“Y/N. Can I speak to you for a minute? Alone,” I smiled, trying to hide my concern. You blinked a few times before setting Mary down.

“Robbie. Why don’t you take your sister to the kitchen. I think your Uncle Dean is almost done with the burgers. Maybe, if you two eat all your dinner and ask nicely, he’ll let you help him make the pie. And maybe, if you ask really nicely, he’ll even let you pick out the flavor. Remember, go carefully. Your sister is still learning how to walk.”

We watched them as they slowly left the room. Robbie gently led Mary out the door. He took the role of ‘big brother’ very seriously, no doubt something engraved in him as an important responsibility by his Uncle Dean.

“What’s wrong Cas?” you asked, crossing the room and taking my hands. “Sam just called. He said the hunt went well. Is everything alright? You know you didn’t have to rush back here. Poor Sam-”

“Why did Robbie say that Hannah was here?”

“Did he say it? He couldn’t wait for you to get back so he could say it to you. It was so cute,” you grinned. Unfortunately, I couldn’t meet your enthusiasm.

“Y/N. Please, just answer the question. Was Hannah here?”

“Yes Cas, she was here,” your eyebrows furrowed as you finally began to understand my meaning. “You don’t seriously believe we have to worry about Hannah, do you?”

“Heaven is in turmoil. We can’t be too careful anymore.”

“Heaven’s always in turmoil,” you groaned, rolling your eyes. “I swear. I’m so glad angels don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Heaven, otherwise-“

“This is serious, Y/N. I don’t like the idea of you three alone with any other angel, even Hannah.”

“Okay Cas, first of all, we weren’t alone, Dean was here. Second of all, she doesn’t even take a vessel anymore. If it weren’t for the kids I wouldn’t even be able to hear her. Third, you should know better than anyone that Hannah cares for all of us just as much as Sam and Dean do.”

I looked down at our connected hands. Your thumbs soothingly tracing patterns on the backs of mine. I knew you were right. Hannah had been nothing short of wonderful and supportive when news of Robbie’s arrival reached Heaven. She had been instrumental in guaranteeing our protection, even going so far as to leading a crusade to change the perception of Nephilims.

“I know. You’re absolutely right.”

“Of course I am,” you ginned.

“What would I do without you?” I asked as I moved to brush my thumb along your face. You shook your head, trying to suppress another smile. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” you replied, looking down. “It’s just- What if…”

“What if?”

“What if you had never made your move all those years ago? Remember? When Sam and Dean went to hunt that vampire Jodi had told us about?” I smiled fondly at the memory. Sam and Dean didn’t admit to me until years after you and I were together that the lead had been a sham thought up by both them and Jodi. Apparently, they hadn’t come clean to you, and I sure wasn’t planning on divulging that information.

“I made a move then?” I teased as I moved your hair behind your ear. It was one of my favorite things to do, touch your hair. “What was it?”

“Don’t make me say it,” you blushed as I continued to trace your cheek with my thumb. I could feel your face get warmer as I leaned in.

“Tell me.”

“That day, I came out of the shower looking for you. I wanted to see if you were still up for that movie, or if you wanted to check in on the boys instead. I honestly didn’t think you would want to spend a boring afternoon with me. You probably had better things to do with your time. Anyway, I found you leaning against the kitchen counter. You were zoned out, I think I heard you laugh a little,” you giggled at the memory. “Do you remember?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then you’ll remember what you did after I snapped you out of your thoughts.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“I touched your hair. I moved a wet strand behind your ear. That was my move?” I smiled.

“I was already head over heels about you at that point but after that, I never stood a chance,” you grinned back. “Why do you think I started to wear my hair down more often after that, you dummy?”

I chuckled then. Was that really all it had taken?

“Cas.”

“Hmm?”

“Cas…. Cas? Cas? Are you okay?” Your question snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked around disoriented. We were no longer in the library. We were in the kitchen, but it wasn’t as it was before. All the baby proofing Sam and Dean had spent countless hours installing was gone. But what I noticed most was that you were no longer near me. You were across the room barely entering the kitchen, your hair wet.

“Y/N?”

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I was starting to think you had gone to help the boys out with that vamp. Then I heard you chuckle. What was so funny?”

“Sorry. I just-“ I looked around again, trying to get my bearings.

“Oh no,” you laughed as you finally reached me, keeping a polite distance between us. “Did I snap you out of a heavenly daydream?”

My eyes met yours as I finally took a good look at you, looking just as you always had. Lovely.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, biting your lip in concern. “Do you want me to leave you for a moment? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“No,” I blurted out. I couldn’t let you walk out now. I wouldn’t. “I- I just need to try something. What if…” I trailed off as I reached for your hair.

#supernatural #supernatural one shot #cas x reader #reader x cas #castiel #supernatural fanfiction

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