heartless-aro

[heartless-aro]

People will claim to be allies to the aromantic community but then go around saying shit like “just friends” and “more than friends”

[heartless-aro]

My aromanticism is not a soft suffering waiting for you to shape it, lovingly, into something you can pity. I am not seeking your tender validation.

I do not need you to explain love to me.

Were we not hand fed the same dreams, the same wishes? Were we not given the same template, told to fill in the blanks with the same values? I've spent all my life being forced into the shape of someone like you.

I know what love is.

Let me explain lovelessness to you.

Let me press my hands deep into something you never questioned and let me break it open. Let me show you the rugged edges, the sharp teeth buried inside. If I bare my heart to you, will you see me as human?

My aromanticism is wrapped in bitter sharp barbed wire edges. You may lay your hands upon me but beware of shaping me.

[heartless-aro]

Aegosexuality is weird, because I can never seem to figure out if I actually feel sexual attraction or not. I’ve definitely never felt it in response to anyone irl. But although I don’t seek it out, I have been on the internet enough years to come across porn and nude images involving real people, and it definitely makes me feel something. But do those sexual feelings count as sexual attraction if they’re less about the specific person and more about the fact that there’s a boob and a sex in front of me?

Hell if I know! It’s such a weird gray area to be in, knowing that I’m definitely on the asexual spectrum yet not knowing whether or not I feel sexual attraction, because I don’t really know what counts as sexual attraction. So when I say that I do feel some sexual attraction, I feel like a liar, but when I say I don’t feel any, I STILL feel like a liar. I’m this close to just asking a magic 8 ball whether or not I feel sexual attraction and then just accepting whatever it says without question. It would be so much easier than trying to figure out the answer thinking style

[heartless-aro]

Free (mostly academic) aro theory resources

On Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger

Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight

"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton

'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy

On Relationship Anarchy

The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren

The Relationship Anarchy website

Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez

Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén

The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen

On community

Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work

Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.

Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report

Aurea Aro Census

Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler

On QueerPlatonic Relationships

Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)

Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder

Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.

On intersectionality

Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color

Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler

Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst

Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw

A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)

Other aro-related interesting reads

New Dimensions, New Directions: Asexualities and Aromanticism in the 21st Century - Megan Carroll et al.

Enriching the Story: Asexuality and Aromanticism in Literature - Adrienne Whisman

The Importance of Representation for Lesser-Known Sexual Identities on the Example of Asexuality and Aromanticism - Jasmin Kiechle

Experiences of Italian Asexual and Aromantic Individuals in Healthcare Settings: from Explicitly Aggressive to Affirming Interactions

Other lists of aro-related ressources (not all sources listed in these are free though)

by Aurea

The Asexuality and Aromanticism Bibliography

If you know of any other free ressource about aromanticism please consider adding to this list

[heartless-aro]

CW: aphobia I hate how some people who have never lived in a conservative christian home don't understand that conservative christians don't accept aromantic (or ace) people, and they're like "wouldn't they be glad because that means you're not gay?" or "why would that be a sin?" First of I'm bisexual so I'm still "gay" to them, second off even if I wasn't bi being aromantic alone is seen as a "sin" because to conservative christians "god made women to get married to men and vise versa, and it's a sin not to get married" and "god intended for us to get married to the opposite sex and have kids" so even outside the bi part being aromantic is still "a sin" So no my Christian parents would not accept me being aromantic and no I cannot tell them, I hate when people act like it's something that's just accepted by everyone and that aphobia doesn't exist

[heartless-aro]

I do feel like, as the cost of living crisis skyrockets, non-partnering aros are going to get hit harder and harder. There is no framework built into the infrastructure of our society for people who don't have a dual-income household, and it does become more difficult as you age to reliably live with friends.

There is, of course, the option to live with strangers, but that has it's own varied and dangerous downfalls. Hit just as hard, or perhaps even harder, are going to be those in abusive households who's chances of being able to afford to leave grow slimmer.

Like, this stuff IS grim, so we've gotta start making good financial decisions, and supporting each other where possible.

[heartless-aro]

Doctors at Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) hospitals nationwide could refuse to treat unmarried veterans and Democrats under new hospital guidelines imposed following an executive order by Donald Trump.

The new rules, obtained by the Guardian, also apply to psychologists, dentists and a host of other occupations. They have already gone into effect in at least some VA medical centers.

Medical staff are still required to treat veterans regardless of race, color, religion and sex, and all veterans remain entitled to treatment. But individual workers are now free to decline to care for patients based on personal characteristics not explicitly prohibited by federal law.

Language requiring healthcare professionals to care for veterans regardless of their politics and marital status has been explicitly eliminated.

Doctors and other medical staff can also be barred from working at VA hospitals based on their marital status, political party affiliation or union activity, documents reviewed by the Guardian show. The changes also affect chiropractors, certified nurse practitioners, optometrists, podiatrists, licensed clinical social workers and speech therapists.

In making the changes, VA officials cite the president’s 30 January executive order titled “Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government”. The primary purpose of the executive order was to strip most government protections from transgender people. The VA has since ceased providing most gender-affirming care and forbidden a long list of words, including “gender affirming” and “transgender”, from clinical settings.

Medical experts said the implications of rule changes uncovered by the Guardian could be far-reaching.

They “seem to open the door to discrimination on the basis of anything that is not legally protected”, said Dr Kenneth Kizer, the VA’s top healthcare official during the Clinton administration. He said the changes open up the possibility that doctors could refuse to treat veterans based on their “reason for seeking care – including allegations of rape and sexual assault – current or past political party affiliation or political activity, and personal behavior such as alcohol or marijuana use”.

The Department of Veterans Affairs is the nation’s largest integrated hospital system, with more than 170 hospitals and more than 1,000 clinics. It employs 26,000 doctors and serves 9 million patients annually.

In an emailed response to questions, the VA press secretary, Peter Kasperowicz, did not dispute that the new rules allowed doctors to refuse to treat veteran patients based on their beliefs or that physicians could be dismissed based on their marital status or political affiliation, but said “all eligible veterans will always be welcome at VA and will always receive the benefits and services they’ve earned under the law”.

He said the rule changes were nothing more than “a formality”, but confirmed that they were made to comply with Trump’s executive order. Kasperowicz also said the revisions were necessary to “ensure VA policy comports with federal law”. He did not say which federal law or laws required these changes.

[heartless-aro]

[Image ID: a screenshot of a set of tags reading as follows: #okay first off her blue roan is fucking gorgeous #secondly. I want to point out that the video id is misleading #that isn’t just a gallop #that’s a full run #also she isn’t JUST bareback on that sprinting horse she is ALSO riding liberty #if you look at the horse’s face and neck it isn’t wearing a bridle and there isn’t a bit to be seen #this rider is depending on body position leg pressure and that single rope circle around the horse’s neck #to steer and communicate slowing down and stopping #not only is this an amazing coming out video it’s also displaying what a skilled rider she is \END ID]

Description: [A video of a woman riding a galloping horse bareback while holding a large rainbow flag.]

[heartless-aro]

You know it kinda just clicked in my head that when it comes to marriage that people don’t think the way women are pressured marrying young as forced marriage and that’s why people were confused on my posts about my posts about marriage in the southern us. They don’t see girls getting married at 16-18 because everyone around them told them the only way to have value is to be married to a man as forced, they just see it as a young kid making a bad choice.

I made a post about how all this forced marriage stuff specifically impacts young trans boys in the south, because being in online support groups I’ve met a lot of trans men who grew up in the south who got married and pregnant young (18-20) because they felt like they had to because they were told that’s what gave them worth. And when that post got reposted to Reddit someone accused me of lying and ‘reading too much porn’. They don’t think of these people who were clearly forced into thinking they had no other option but to marry a man and to live as a women as people who are victims, they think they are just dumb teens who made a mistake.

I’m now understanding why so many people don’t understand misogyny in the evangelical south.

[heartless-aro]

its fascinating when shows go "this character does not have sex" and you can just watch the fans minds just start going "well he doesnt have sex, therefore hes asexual, and as we all know, asexuality is a spectrum, and some asexuals actualy do have sex, and therefore he is probably having tons of crazy sex literaly every time he isnt on screen"

[heartless-aro]

'Aro people aren't against love' I am. Break up with your boyfriend

[heartless-aro]

shoutout to aplatonics and loveless people for pride month also

[heartless-aro]

Women’s sexualities, especially those of trans women and other marginalized groups of women, are so heavily demonized under the patriarchy. Women are expected to be sexually subservient to men (and are therefore pressured to have no sexual autonomy of their own, acting only as a vessel for men’s sexual desires), and transmisogynists try to assert that transfemininity is inherently an act of sexual violence or a fetish expressed at the expense of cis women. Women are sexually objectified yet expected to be chaste and “wait until marriage” to avoid being “diminished” in their value to men. Women who do sex work are treated as though they aren’t people, simply because they exercise their sexual autonomy in ways that others don’t approve of. And so on, and so forth.

I bring this up here, on my aro sideblog instead of elsewhere, because this form of misogyny goes hand-in-hand with the arophobia experienced by aroallo women.

There is nothing shameful about being a woman who feels sexual attraction, who has sex, or who wants sex. This is a pretty basic feminist concept. There is also nothing shameful about feeling sexual attraction without romantic attraction or having/wanting sex without romance. This is a pretty basic concept in aromantic spaces. However, these two facts should be spoken of not only separately but in tandem: there is nothing shameful about being a woman who feels sexual attraction with or without romantic attraction, or wants/has sex with or without romance.

This pride month, let’s stand together with every aroallo woman who has ever been slutshamed for being aroallo or been made to feel like she has to redeem her sexual feelings with romantic attraction or romantic exclusivity. Let’s stand with every aroallo trans woman who has ever felt guilty for the so-called crime of having sexual feelings while being a trans woman, or who has ever felt that she has to tone down her aroalloness in order to be “one of the good ones”. Stand with aromantic lesbians and aromantic mspec women who are made to feel like their attraction to women isn’t “pure and wholesome enough” to be talked about alongside women who feel romantic love for other women. Have solidarity with every aroallo woman of color who has dealt with being hypersexualized yet treated as a passive participant in her own sexuality, rather than someone who exists not just as an object of desire but as someone with sexual feelings and desires of her own. Stand in solidarity with aroallo women who are sex workers, and who are simultaneously treated as helpless victims incapable of making their own decisions and demonized for not treating sex as “sacred enough”.

May every aroallo woman someday feel free to have as much sex or as little sex as she wants, and may every aroallo woman be able to take pride in her aroallo identity. May every woman’s sexual autonomy be respected, and may aromantic women’s sexualities be celebrated rather than disparaged.

[heartless-aro]

I got bored, so here’s an aro flag colorpicked from one of my favorite jumper species: Messua limbata! The spider photo used is public domain, and the photographer is Sinaloa Silvestre (mar_y_sierra_silvestre on iNaturalist).

[heartless-aro]

“Aroallo? That’s literally just every man haha 🤪”. Actually, what little research we have on aromanticism suggests that those who don’t experience romantic attraction but do experience sexual attraction may make up about 0.7% of the population, at least in the U.S. That may be slightly larger than the aroace population (which was found to be around 0.3% in the same study. ofc, I don’t know that 0.7% vs. 0.3% would constitute a statistically significant difference for a sample of 414, but I digress) but that still doesn’t sound anywhere close to “every man” to me. Maybe it’s time you stop projecting onto the aromantic community your negative experiences with alloromantic men who think of women as unfeeling and non-sentient sexual objects.

(Source: “Examining Concordant and Discordant Sexual and Romantic Attraction in American Adults: Implications for Counselors” by Emily M. Lund, Katie B. Thomas, Christina M. Sias, and April R. Bradley.)

[heartless-aro]

Today is Aromantic Visibility Day! You know what that means: beware the one who watches. You are more visible on this day than on any other, so you must be extra vigilant in order to stay hidden. Lock your doors and windows, and try to gain as much coverage as possible by crawling under a blanket or sitting on the floor of a dark closet in the fetal position. Do not let it see you. Do not. Let it. See you.

Also, you should like, totally wear a little pride pin or an aro ring today. It would look great with your outfit!

[heartless-aro]

Friend: Don't you want to have a romance?

Me: I'm good, I have romance at home.

Romance I have at home: