heleenkerr

[heleenkerr]

When your eyes met mine

I loved you from the very beginning When your eyes met mine, Playing the piano in the corner Our eyes couldn’t lie.

The attraction that I couldn’t distinguish That feeling that in my mind could not, And would not be love Made my stomach a knot.

I didn’t even need your touch, I didn’t need you to hold my hand, Just your eyes looking at mine Were enough for me to go mad.

It was you that made my life, It was looking at you that made my day, How could I ever leave you? If I did, I would just break.

[heleenkerr]

Dream a little dream about us

It’s you and me baby,

I usually think,

While you hug me,

And make me dream.

Love is alive in us,

How excited we are,

Our hearts pounding hard,

The future in our hands.

We dream with our eyes open,

A smile on our faces,

Having only small burdens,

Looking for what our heart chases.

We dream, dream,

and keep on dreaming,

making our own bid,

one day together living.

[heleenkerr]

I want so much for you

I want so much for you, because my love isn’t enough, and that’s ok.

I need you to dream big, to imagine a life worth living for.

To wake up everyday feeling good about yourself, confident in God’s promises for you.

To take care of yourself, to sleep, eat, laugh, smile, and rest well.

Listen to your favorite music, make silly jokes, live your life to the fullest.

Being determined and persistent without losing your joy.

To sail through seas of doubts, certain about the fact that what lies ahead you will be able to face with God’s power.

Looking at the mirror, and liking what you see.

Loving yourself in and out, as I do.

Learning from your past, enjoying your present, and being hopeful for the future.

I want so much for you, it may seem too much at times.

But overall, I just want you to feel loved, to feel happy with who you are and what you have.

[heleenkerr]

This is it

And there he is his hand holding mine two peas in a pod two souls intertwined

And there I am thinking this is it everything I ever wanted lying next to me

Love, that’s it little by little growing steadily my heart whitened with bleach Love, that is everything

I thought to myself I could cry and in fact, I am I cry because I am happy I cry because you are all I want

And there we are You sleeping next to me Me crying and writing this Us in love and my little dream

I thank God every day because you are mine.

[heleenkerr]

I live for that smile

I wake up in bed feeling shitty about myself. I didn’t know how I was supposed to go through the day. All I wanted right at that moment was to hold you into my arms while seeing your smile. That smile… I live for that smile. I wondered whether I should stay home and not speak to you as some sort of inflicted punishment. I felt like I ruined one night that was so important for us because of my pettiness. Why do I care so much about how I look like? Why do I have to be so demanding with every little detail? If I wasn’t, I would be happier that’s for sure. I cried myself to sleep hoping the feeling would be gone by the next morning. It didn’t. Still, I have to wake up, teach, clean, and everything else but what I really wanted. I am still afraid of thinking of seeing you. Afraid to see that sad look on your eyes, afraid that you resent me. You don’t deserve me, you deserve better. But still, I live for that smile, without it I don’t know what my life would be like. All I can do now is hope for the best and try to make everything better from now on. Because although I can’t see it right at this moment, I know we will get through this and be happy again. We will make more memories together, whether they will start now or later.

[heleenkerr]

Unburdened

Sometimes enough is enough. I have my limits, and this night I reached mine. I hold everything in, every time there is something more to burden me with, or I just burden myself when I shouldn’t. My studies, friends, family, etc. everything has something to add to my life, positively and negatively. That’s fine, is how life works.

I have all this sadness, frustration and anger that I am constantly trying to release, but come back again and again. And it’s my burden, not anyone else’s. Of course, I trust other people with my problems, but they are my problems nonetheless.

Tonight I reached my limit, it all came all of a sudden, like a rushing wind of emotions that were all bottled up building pressure. I exploded. I don’t know how to act, what to do, what to say. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, that’s the truth. I just hope I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m not sure of it.

I trust God will lead the way and I know he helps me with my burdens. Still, I like to overthink everything and carry the burden again. Everyone else has their own problems, it seems so selfish to make them worry about mine, make them listen to all my stupid things. There are bigger problems.

If there is one thing I can be sure of, is that He is by my side. When no-one else in the world understands me, I know he does. He is the only one that listens, understands, and loves me no matter what, from when I was a child until forevermore. Maybe I needed to come to this so that I could come to Him.

Sometimes it just gets hard to worry about myself and not to take in anybody else’s problems. Sometimes it is difficult to not feel dumb when you say the wrong thing, or feel unbearable when I try to explain what I think or feel. But it’s always good to know that I have a friend with me, that I’m not alone. That we will get through it.

[heleenkerr]

[heleenkerr]

Whatever we may face

He is in a tough place he doesn’t know the main road, from left to right he turns his face, it’s becoming a heavy load.

I offer my guidance but still it isn’t enough, yet with our alliance, we will always have our love.

We trust our Lord and we know things will sort out, even if we don’t know the road we still move forwards not knowing how.

My angel, my love, I know your dreams will come true, because from heaven above our strength comes through.

We will never lack hope, neither love nor happiness, and what is important I suppose, is to expect future with eagerness.

I don’t mind the waiting indeed if in your arms my problems are fewer, I look at you and I can’t help to think, he’s mine, he’s all my future.

[heleenkerr]

[heleenkerr]

You are my home

All that we have been through, all the tears and fights at the beginning were to be here. Now I understand that our past was necessary, that we can enjoy our present because of the lessons we learned, alone and together. You are the one I want, and I wasn’t sure of anything else in my entire life as I am of this now. I can be happy with you, you make me be closer to God and being close to you makes me be better. My only wish is to be happy and to make you happy, be the one you need and the one who makes you better too.

Most say love is complicated, but it wasn’t for us, not at all. Love for us was easy, we complement each other so perfectly that it is hard to believe for the rest of the people who know us. You are so easy to love, even when you are mad or sad, it’s incredible that I still love you the same or even more than when you are happy.

Your arms make me feel safe when you hold me, like you are my home. Your hair is the funniest and sexiest thing I think I ever saw. Your smile is contagious not only in me but in everyone who sees it. And those eyes... I think I could get lost in those eyes forever and be happy infinitely. The way they shine bright when you see me, the way they spread love and joy is so pure that I think I haven’t seen such a lovable innocence in my entire life. Your eyes are the purest, they can’t hide anything, they tell me when something is wrong, when you are mad, sad, happy, doubtful, everything.

You are the person I want to be with, you are the place I know I can call my home and I know I don’t want a future with someone if it isn’t with you. My love, I believe you have conjured a spell which I can’t break, and I don’t want to. We are infinite you and me, like God meant for us to be with each other from the beginning of Earth creation.

[heleenkerr]

[heleenkerr]

[heleenkerr]

Christianity vs gun control and violence

Would Jesus involve himself in this conversation?

I think Jesus would. But not in the way we might think...

He would probably be telling the NRA to give their profits to the poor

He would probably challenge those whose power positions were “bought” in the Whitehouse to give their positions away

He would probably be telling us to have less rants on Facebook and invite more people over for dinner

He would probably be weeping with those who are mourning the loss of friends and family

He would probably be organizing relief efforts to the cities affected by these tragedies

He would even be whispering words of love and comfort to the shooters themselves

He was not like us.

He never was.

He saw things from a perspective we often miss - one we get glimpses of, but often quickly loose sight of because we are grappling with things like fear, anger and divisiveness.

[heleenkerr]

Our lovely prayer

God, listen to his prayer, he is begging for some strength. He does not surrender, he is just only being brave.

God, help my man, with all the problem he faces. I know you have a plan, I bet he will go to far places.

God, I know he is under many tests, and I know he will conquer them. I only ask you to give him some rest, he has so far done well.

God, I know his sadness is mine too, as well as his anger and frustration. Now he sees everything so blue, help us overcome our limitation.

God, I trust you with my life, I know we can both prevail through this. I believe someday I will be his proud wife, just help him now to resist.

God, I can’t negate, that I love him so much it hurts. I will keep calm and still with faith, keep carrying on through the adverse.

[heleenkerr]

One Tuesday night

As we were driving through the empty street at night, slowly passing each light outside our windows, I felt safe. More than that, I felt at peace.

I remember it was hard for me to get used to you asking for my opinion, my thoughts, as if they really mattered.  In that moment I realized, I had never had someone who would listen to me talk constantly like you did, or even reconsider his own decisions when I gave my opinion.

It was never an option for me to be happily involved in someone else’s life up to this point. It was always two independent people, two individuals who would share only some staff. But with you is different, we complement each other, we are two individuals but at the same time we are one.

I loved how I felt that night, we weren’t doing anything special or out of the ordinary, but I felt so deeply loved, so in sync with you. And then it hit me: you were really everything I ever wanted in my life. That scared me, but oh boy how I felt…

[heleenkerr]

The restart button

This is something I am going to have to get used to.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day I will be fine with myself if I don’t meet the expectations people have of me. I am always trying to please everyone, my parents, my friends, my teachers, etc. If it is not done perfectly, then it’s wrong. I guess I deserve it for always trying to achieve every goal that it’s set in my way, even if it is not mine but someone else’s.

Perhaps today is not my day, but it will be some day. If it weren't for God’s strength and patience I wouldn’t be able to say any of this right now. I would just let myself be overcome by my anger, and it’s tenting, but not enough as to forget the ones that I would hurt in the process, me included afterwards.

I would just let everything pass by, with renewed patience, and try to forget every high expectation that is not put on me by myself but by others.

This is one of the many days I will be once again renewed.

[heleenkerr]

We found each other

This is how it happened.

It was like any other Sunday, I did my sundayish stuff and then went to church. When the church reunion ended, he left first, said he needed to meet his parents after their trip. 10 or 15 minutes later I left with all my family who suggested we should go and eat some ice-cream. Of course, I said I wanted a good pizza, the one that filled my heart and of course, my tummy. We had a vote, like every democratic family, and we ended up going to our favorite ice-cream shop.

When arriving, everyone got off of the car except my dad, who needed to find a place to park it. I wanted to accompany him but everyone made a fuss, it was annoying, and I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal. My mum told me I should help her pick her favorite ice-cream flavors (another odd thing, since she knows her flavors very well).

While crossing the street I saw him on the 2nd floor sitting next to a big window. I couldn’t help smiling, I was so happy I could spend time with him even is it was with my family and only just for a couple of minutes. I told my mum “it is faith”, and went up to say hi. He acted strangely, but he was happy, I could notice. He told me he was waiting to meet his parents there (another odd thing). I just thought, “great, we can have ice-cream with both of our families”. He kept trying to sit me next to him every time I tried to stand up, saying that he wanted us to enjoy being alone for just a few minutes. In all honesty, the only thing I was thinking was that I wanted to get my ice cream, or at least something, I was starving (like any other Sunday after church). We went downstairs and my family had gone. We went outside and they weren’t there. He grabbed my hand and said we were going to get dinner. I was completely shocked, where were my parents? Weren't we supposed to wait for his parents? What about the ice-cream?

Then it hit me. This was the night. This was the night he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I was so astounded, I had thought that when the day came I was going to notice, but it didn’t happen. Immediately I felt nervous, I didn’t dress the way I wanted to, I didn’t have my hear like I had imagined, and I didn’t have money to contribute to our meal. We crossed the street and we went into one of the city’s fanciest restaurants. But, although I was nervous, we had a lovely time and we talked all night.

After dinner, we went to the riverside, to our spot. And there, right there where our love had begun, he asked me if I wanted to be with him “officially”. I immediately said yes of course, I was over the moon! He gave me a necklace and then we passed the night walking through our favorite streets, talking and making jokes. He then drove me to my house and that was it, after all we found each other.

I was officially his and he was officially mine.