hersurvival - Tumblr blog

[hersurvival]

[hersurvival]

What does it mean

That I was willing to throw

My entire established life away

Just for you

From day one?

And how now I find myself

In the trenches,

My life in shattered pieces,

And all I care about

Is how I might be able to reach you?

[hersurvival]

Probably maybe a simp/simp collector anon. I don't know who the hospital wing and R&R post meant for but I could definitely use a break from my main character syndrome, (I am not even much of an interesting protagonist)

Well, lucky for you anon. If you are in need of a bed, there is room for one more patient. I am the only doctor on duty, here, though, so don't expect swift care.

[hersurvival]

Go find yourself a man

Who's strong and tall

And Christian..

[hersurvival]

You worry more about being good

Than yourself.

Doesn't it get heavy, babe?

Don't you want to put those burdens down?

You don't have to be an infirmary -

Tirelessly healing and fixing everyone,

Ignoring how you're falling apart around it all.

They don't notice, you keep trudging on,

Everyone is a victim except for you, huh?

But I notice.

And I happen to have my own hospital wing.

Why don't you lie down, take the weight off,

Just for the night.

I'll do what I can to fix you this time.

@nosebleedclub April 26th - Infirmary

[hersurvival]

Hey, are you okay?

As an anon friend am worried about you.

-Icurus annon

Hello, anon.

I do appreciate your concern! But I will be alright, I always am.

[hersurvival]

Albert Camus, from The Myth of Sisyphus

[hersurvival]

Patient,

Passive,

Silent -

I wait

For something sunny,

Something lovely,

Something nice

To come my way

One more day

One more day

One more turns into one more

Turns into

One

More

And I am stuck

Always waiting,

But for what?

I can only pray it finds me first

@nosebleedclub April 25th - Days Spent Waiting

[hersurvival]

I wish I was your floor length, navy blue velvet curtains -

The first thing you touch in the morning, letting in the day be it blue or grey.

Or your coffee pot, you fill me up, flick the button, and refuse to let me out of your sight

Until you're able to carry some of me around in your cup.

I would like you to think of me as your bookshelf,

Wobbly old thing, under all the weight of stories you'll one day read,

Unwavering as I hold onto every hopeful page.

But I find myself as your favorite pillow -

Tear stained and misshapen.

You always wonder why no cover seems to fit.

Beaten - holding your screams, your pleas, your dreams.

I have been with you forever,

From being tucked in by your mother

To your first kiss with the door open,

As you stood in your childhood bedroom for the last time and grew up, moved out.

That home now sold.

You buy a new pillow every handful of years

But they cannot replace how I have been molded your whole life,

To be a perfect fit.

Tagged by @the-hollow-quiet (some time ago but I did not forget!)

Created originally by @wordrummager to describe what piece of the home you identify with.

@coffeexxcigarettes @ivaspinoza @yakultstan @sfsolstice @walkthruthewords @brb-on-a-quest

[hersurvival]

He had found me.

I can only imagine the amount of poetry

He had to sift through

Searching for me within the lines, on the page,

Between infinite words.

A safe space, he said,

Out of sight, unknown,

Where he could be brutally honest with me.

Unsupervised.

Poetry has been the only way to reach me

For quite some time.

It was beginning to become less of a secret.

And who I thought was him,

Who I thought all along was him,

It was you.

How is it always you in my head?

Do I convince myself that it can't be,

Dress you up as others in my dreams?

Or is it just you who I want so deeply?

Everybody else slips away,

Until it is only your soft, kind face.

But when we meet,

Sitting on opposite sides of the couch,

Knees drawn to our chest,

You won't let me touch you,

Even feet-to-feet.

Is that insistence stemming from you

Or from me?

The energy of the earth, rising from the core,

It has been building.

A constant low rumble,

Perpetual low-grade earthquake,

I fear the world may begin crumbling.

[hersurvival]

[hersurvival]

I miss you the minute we stop talking.

[hersurvival]

2 a.m.

And I'm drinking Coke Zero from a can,

Sleeping on the couch again.

A maximum of a dozen words

Have been spoken in this house today -

He is scared I'll leave,

While I am hoping I wake up to him

Leaving me.

So that I don't have to make the decision,

So that I am not the bad guy.

I am tired of being the bad guy.

I am the one who swallows all the blood,

Who boxes herself up to be a gift.

Pretty paper and ribbons,

To remain confined,

Wrapped up as the one he loves.

I have been avoiding the process,

Refusing to stop moving

Otherwise my heart will tell me

What I lready know.

Maybe I really am the bad guy.

[hersurvival]

Yandere,

The obsession kind,

The delusion kind.

I am your everything, I have to be.

I am all you think about, aren't I?

Only me?

You may be far away for now,

For now,

But I am closing in

And you'd like to come home with me,

I know you would -

Locked up,

No contact,

Until you forget anyone else

Outside of me and this house,

Until everyone else ceases to exist,

Until you forget.

Don't be scared,

You're safe,

You're mine.

Lovesick,

The desperate kind.

[hersurvival]

[hersurvival]

Hell yeah, babes. These thighs be tryna bust out the casing.

REBLOG IF YOU HAVE STRETCHMARKS

This way people can see they’re not alone. I have them and this would help me see that.

[hersurvival]

My gentle guiding light,

How many apology letters will this make? At least three. I promise, I am at constant war within myself to be what you deserve.

This evening I was irrational. Jealousy overtook me, a rogue wave, swept me far out to sea, to drown me. Such a sudden tsunami of insecurity, I was under water before I realized I was fighting.

And I was unfair to you, my dear. For which I regret. To hurt your feelings, due to hurting my own.. I wish to be better than this.

I beg, may you grant me one more day? To be whom you deserve, to be good enough, worthy of your love.

I promise, though this feeling may surface again, to calm the storm before it overwhelms us both.

Sincerely, gasping for air,

Your drowning, selfish girl