holtzmecloser

[holtzmecloser]

Part 2 

part 1 here

Previously  (and also) 

Johnson: so actually, he DIDN’T know that I knew Sweetie until, well, here let me show you. 

you big fucking dork

fuck

text Johnson. ask for my number.  

Holster jerks up so quickly that he hits his head against Ransom’s bed. he winces, rubbing circles into a tender spot on his skull. His mouth falls open when he rereads the answer. He feels his heart drop out of his chest. 

Johnson. 

Fucking John Johnson knows Sweetie. 

Johnson who knows everyone and their mother (so not as surprising as it should be). But also this is Johnson, who plays with the Las Vegas Aces. Johnson who played a game against the Bruins last December when he could’ve dropped by Epikegster but didn’t. 

Holster’s eyes widen as he remembers Epikegster: how much shit was going around online about Parse showing up out of nowhere. More importantly, he remembers the way Kent spoke and how it left such an impression on him. 

It was like fucking déjà vu. Like they didn’t need to make shitty small talk. He and Kent just--clicked. 

or maybe they clicked a long time ago. 

Maybe he sometimes thinks that Sweetie knows too much about Kent. Or that they get a little too emotional when anyone tries to smack talk Jack, or Jeff Troy for that matter. 

Jeff Troy, the liney and best friend of Kent Fucking Parson. 

Holster closed mouth screams. Because he wasn’t ready for this next shit. He was expecting maybe rejection or some casual chirp about coming off anon. Not that Holster would’ve fessed up if Sweetie (Kent?) hadn’t figured out it was him on their own. 

Slowly, he gets out of bed. He paces the room, wringing his hands nervously. What is he even supposed to do with this information? What was there to do about finding out that one of his best friends could want him back? And that maybe whatever complex feelings he has for Sweetie’s interpretation of Kent aren’t misplaced affection because Sweetie IS Kent. 

Holster sighs. Well, at least he knows for sure that’s he’s liked a grand total of three people in his life: Perry, Ransom...and now Sweetie. He keeps pacing. He glances up at Ransom’s bed, which is vacant because he’s staying at March’s tonight. 

He needs advice, and he sure as fuck can’t ask Perry right now. He heads downstairs, hopping someone’s home. Maybe not Bitty; who knows what he might say about Holster having a multi-year crush on a person he MAY have met previously in real life? 

Who the fuck was he kidding? How else would Sweetie know Johnson? 

He creeps down the attic staircase gently. Cautious of waking up anyone already asleep. He spots Lardo’s door, half open with light flooding outward. He approaches slowly, knocking the door a few times before pushing it further open. 

Lardo’s sitting in her beanbag chair, typing. “What’s up?” she asks absent minded. 

“I think I fucked up,” he says. 

“How?”

“I think I’m in love? Maybe?”

“With who?” 

“Kent Parson,” he confesses. 

Lardo’s back tenses. Her head snaps up. “What?”

Holster runs a hand through his hair, he starts pacing. “I don’t know. It’s fucking confusing but we don’t talk like friends ok? We’re fucking domestic and supportive of each other. And maybe that’s just what friends fucking do. But I’ve never seen you and thought ‘I would spend the rest of my life doing whatever to just be around her.’ No offense.” 

“None taken,” “but maybe back up a little? How are you friends with him?”

“Them,” Holster corrects without thinking. He opens his mouth to take it back because the last thing he needs is to out-- 

“Ok cool,” Lardo says nuetrally. “Duly noted. Now spill.” 

She gestures to the desk chair to her right. Holster reluctantly sits, knowing it’s more for Lardo’s sanity than anything. He starts from the beginning: being bored, his tbi and how he wanted somewhere to get his frustration out once he was cleared for screens, his unlikely friendship with a bnf who acted so completely different than what Holster was expecting, their closeness and the only times they’ve gotten into arguments (which has mostly been lately). He suck in a huge breath once he’s done. 

Lardo nods thoughtfully the entire time, resting her chin in her hands. 

“So are you gonna call them?”

“I don’t know,” he says. 

“Why not?” 

“It’s not the same when Sweetie’s more than just a url. It’s real.”

“They were always a real person,” Lardo reasons. 

“You know what I mean,” Holster grumbles. 

Lardo sighs. “Holster, you wanted your ex? Well they’re taken. You wanted Ransom? Well he’s taken. You wanted Kent Parson and Sweetie AND they happen to be the same person and want you back? Bro.” 

“Yea, yea,” he says with resignation. “Don’t get in the way of my own happiness. Got it.” 

“Not just that,” she says. 

“Then what?”

“Don’t chicken out because you’re scared.” 

Holster snorts. “Scared of what?”

“You tell me,” she says neutrally. 

Holster stares at his hands. He remembers the first time he ever talked to Sweetie. They were arguing because Sweetie told them to stop being a dick with all the anon messages he’d been sending them. It wasn’t the first time he’s hurt Sweetie without meaning to. He can’t do that anymore, not to them. 

“You ever hear two sides of the same story?” he asks instead of answering. 

“Chyeah,” Lardo agrees. 

“You ever hear the second story and think ‘fuck, I had no clue. what the fuck am I supposed to do now?’” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m scarred that I’ll disappoint them at best,” he admits. “Maybe I’ll fuck them up more. I don’t think--”

“Holster,” Lardo interupts. “You’re getting worked up about shit that might not happen.”

“But what if it does?” he demands. 

“What if it doesn’t?” 

His jaw goes slack. If he doesn’t fuck Kent up--if he and Kent could just be happy? He sees Kent’s face, maybe it’s tomorrow or next month or five years from now, just smiling back at him. 

That’s worth everything, he thinks. 

Holster gets up, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. “I’ll be back.”

“Where are you going?” Lardo calls after him. 

“I need to see a man about a sweetie,” Holster yells as he heads downstairs. He puts on a hoodie and pair of sneakers. He runs until he gets to the pond, finding a dry patch of grass to sit down on. 

He stares at his phone again, the clock reads just after midnight. He might be too late...for talking tonight at least. But he has to try. He scrolls through his contacts, clicking on a J with a goalpost next to it. 

Holster wheezes, wondering if excitement smells like sweat or maybe something soft and sweet. He wonders what water smells like, or Kent for that matter. He grins to himself as he clicks call. Maybe he’ll have time to figure that out. 

“Hey Holtzy,” Johnson says after the second ring. “Took you long enough, man.” 

Holster chuckles to himself. “No kidding.” 

[holtzmecloser]

Hey Holtzy! How are you coping with the looming spectre of graduation?

fuck, idk. 

I don’t have a job yet? And honestly, anything I could do doesn’t interest me. Soooo we’ll see what happens. 

Uh, bio boi and I are probs moving in somewhere along with best bro. The three of us are gonna slum it together 

it’s gonna be swawesome/basically like college but slightly less fun

[holtzmecloser]

Peach, Passion fruit, pineapple, tangelo, apricot

fruit asks

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos?

uh, so I have a nipple piercing? and a small quarter note behind my ear. I’ll get a fuck ton more later when I have an income and shit. 

passion fruit: how would you describe your style?

Liz Lemon meets frat boy meets Patrick Stump

pineapple: sexual orientation?

bisexual and demiro 

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be?

i’d be a mother fucking dragon or an elf (I’d be super fucking hot and live forever basically) 

apricot: what do you do when you're sad? 

I watch 30 Rock and hang out/talk with someone I really care about

send me a fruit

[holtzmecloser]

grape!

fruit asks

grape: if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Ugh, if I could stay there forever, probably Seattle? Always wanted to live there. Great music scene, great vibe. I’d probably get myself tatted out the wazoo. 

or, uh, I think I’d visit sweetie if they’d let me 

send me a fruit

[holtzmecloser]

send me a fruit

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos?

raspberry: favorite flower?

lemon: do you have any pets? what are their names?

mango: what is your trademark?

passion fruit: how would you describe your style?

pineapple: sexual orientation?

strawberry: favorite desserts?

cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing?

grape: if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

banana: favorite horror movies?

blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama?

pomegranate: when do you feel the most confident?

cantaloupe: what are your parents' names?

guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup?

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be?

plum: favorite clothing brands?

coconut: favorite perfume?

lychee: satin or lace?

blueberry: what do you want to dress up as for halloween?

apple: what do you use more, tumblr or twitter?

kiwi: what's something that fascinates you?

watermelon: do you have a job? if so, what is your job title?

papaya: what song describes your aesthetic?

cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night?

nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person?

orange: do you have long eyelashes?

apricot: what do you do when you're sad?

star fruit: favorite sea creature?

dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol?

[holtzmecloser]

holtzy im hungry. what should i eat?????

frozen yogurt or grapes or pizza or oh a pb&j sandwich 

or maybe crab cakes 

[holtzmecloser]

Whats... purim?

*sighs because this is the one time I could use Snoop’s “the internet is free” meme but this is my moment to shine* *…pulls up a couch and sits down* 

Alright, goys, gather ‘round. Here’s the skinny on Purim. It’s about the events in the Book of Esther. Like most Jewish holidays, it starts with an antisemitic asshole. 

This season’s model hails from 335 BCE Persia by the name of Haman. Back in those days, we were exiled by the Babylonians…who were taken over by the Persians. (Fertile Crescent politics, am I right?) Anyway, this dude was King Achashverosh’s advisor. He thought he was hot shit. Like if Beyonce had a baby with the literal sun, that’s how hot he thought he was. 

Dude wanted EVERYONE to bow at his feat right? Well first, that’s kinda sacrilegious when your deity isn’t this dude. Second, Haman was a huge dick and nobody got time for that. So while most people just complied, Mordecai, this swawesome Jewish dude was like “lol, nope”. 

So Haman got really fucking butt hurt by that right? He decides “oh I’m a little shit and I need to kill this guy because I feel embarrassed.” Not only that, he decided that ALL THE JEWISH PEOPLE should pay for him getting embarrassed one time. 

Haman was a fuck boi, is what I’m saying. 

Haman goes and bitches to the king who gives him permission to do what he wants. He issues a pogrom (decree) saying that all the Jewish people will be wiped out on a single day. Good time to mention that Purim’s name comes from the word pur meaning lots. He drew lots (like pulled a name out of a hat? idk, it was random odds) to determine what that day would be. (It was the 14th of Adar, that’s when you celebrate Purim but I’m getting ahead of myself) His whole schtick with that was to say ha “where’s your God now? this is by chance and nothing will save you.” 

Real pretentious dick bag, is what I’m saying. (I love hating on people, but you can see now why I fucking love booing Haman, right?) 

MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN (kinda) 

ok so two other SUPER MANDO IMPORTANT things happen while Haman is butt hurt over Mordecai and trying to plan our extermination. 

1) The king had this huge feast (it went on for a while) and he wanted to parade his wife around like a trophy (yuck). So, the queen was a woman before her time and was like “fuck no, bitch.” And the king was like “lol, bye,” and had her executed (most holidays–no matter where they originated, aren’t PG jsyk). So then he still needed a queen (and dude was fucking king so people just rolled with that). He had all the beautiful women in the kingdom parade through his palace. The woman he chose was this swawesome, kickass Jewish woman named Esther. (Eh, see? When the protagonists name comes up in the title, you know you’re in for a good time) 

And see, Esther is kind, beautiful, brave, and intelligent. But ya girl was also Mordecai’s niece (who was an orphan, who he raised). THAT was the king’s new queen. 

2) MORDECAI FUCKING STOPPED AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT ON THE KING. He heard two guards conspiring against the king…so he told Esther…who told the king who had them hung (but yea, the day was saved). Haman didn’t get recognition for it right away, but it was jotted down which is importante to remember. 

Esther needs to do something about this shit as the queen, right? But, like, she KNOWS this dude Achashverosh is old and stuffy and could have her KILLED just for showing up in front of him without being summoned (dude had a real stick up his rod, apparently you could *only* come when he told you to…no innuendo intended). 

Esther asks Mordecai “should I go? is it worth it?” And Mordecai was like “welp, if you don’t do it, no one else can and then we’re fucked so, uh, no pressure.” 

So she goes, and she doesn’t get killed and the king’s like “what can I do for you babe?” 

And, because she wasn’t a heathen, she’s super polite and like “if it please you, I’d like to invite you and Haman to a feast.” 

So the king’s like “cool.” And they go to this feast and Achashverosh says “sweet, we’ve eaten, now what? what can I do for you babe? I’ll give you ANYTHING you want, up to half my kingdom.”

Ester says “if it please the king, let the king and Haman come to another feast that I’ll prepare and I will answer your question then.” 

Continuing on–

One night King Achashverosh has a hard time sleeping and he’s like “you know what’s boring af? The book of records.” He has a servant read it out loud to him but like the page this guy opens it up to *happens* to be on the page that’s recorded Mordecai saying the king. So he’s like “servant, bro, we gave that guy a cool hundy right?” The servant’s like “*shrugs* haven’t done jackshit for that bro.”  

Achashverosh says “fuck that, that’s shitty. Let’s fix this. Yo, Haman? What should I do for a dude that’s swawesome shit and needs to be treated like that?”

Haman, being the narcissistic ass he was, thought this is one of those *my friend* convos where that *person* would turn out to be Haman. So he thought “well, gotta treat yo self” and told the king to parade that person around in the kings robes and crown all over the city on horse back.

Achashverosh goes “cool, we gotta do that for Mordecai. Haman, do me a solid and take care of that.”

Which gets Haman SO PISSED OFF that he builds gallows to hang Mordecai.

So Ester has her second feast and the king asks again “what you want babe? I’ll give you anything up to half my kingdom” 

and Ester says “so…I’m Jewish…your asshole advisor wants to kill me, my people, and my uncle Mordecai who saved your life. Perhaps–STOP HIM? He built a fucking gallows to hang Mordecai.” 

King Achashverosh goes "aight, hang Haman on it instead.”

Then he wrote a decree that allowed all the Jewish people to fight back on the 14th day of Adar. So we lived to fight antisemitic assholes another days. 

Purim is a p fun holiday about how nothing is completely random even if it doesn’t make sense at first. (And also how the world is unworthy of Jewish women but that’s just me) 

[holtzmecloser]

When I see your username I just think of Elton John tbh.

ayyyy thanks m’dude 

that’s what I was going for! 

*sings loudly off key* HOLTZ ME CLOSER TONY DANZA 

^that’s a FRIENDS reference for all you young folk out there 

[holtzmecloser]

holtzy im bored af and ur blog is always good for a pick me up. whats ur otp brotp and notp, the whole nhl edition?? pls n ty

*cracks knuckles* ok show time. I’m just gonna use their nicknames because I suck at remember real names 8/10 

OTPs 

Goose/Perry  -- Aces 

Tater/Snowy -- Falcs 

Jarse -- Aces/Falcs (as long as Jack makes Kent happy) 

Potatomannnnnnnn -- Falcs (what can I say? I’m a multishipper) 

Bennguin -- Stars 

Skenzy/Spencer -- Schooners 

Brotps 

Carter and Ozzy -- Aces 

Johnny and Zimbonni (gotta love that Aces/Falcs rivalry) 

Connie and Moss -- Aeros 

Goose and Tater -- Aces and Falcs 

Gabe and Dutchy -- AVs 

Flower and Sid -- Pens 

NOTPs

 BittyParse (impressed with who came up with that) 

anything involving Kane 

[holtzmecloser]

Hey. I remember you said you had a tbi Rough. I used to work with families of people who had had tbi. I hope you were able to recover fully from yours and I am glad you don't play contact sports anymore (2x more likely to have a 2nd tbi after 1st one)

yea recovery took a long time. It’s why I had to defer my frosh year of college. I had some speech problems and hearing loss that I had to work on and learn to cope with (I still stutter way too fucking often tbh). one of the reasons I like talking online, tbh, is I don’t have to worry about auditory processing or anything. 

yea...don’t play a contact sport anymore... 

[holtzmecloser]

Whenever I see your user name I think of that song "hold me closer, closer, let me go. Just let me be, just let me be" It's always been a big mood for me 😸

*squints* is that Stone Temple Pilots? 

[holtzmecloser]

What's your favorite hangover food?

scrambled egg sandwiches with a side of french toast (baker friend makes them really good. idfk how he does it? but they’re magical and dripping in REAL Canadian maple syrup)

[holtzmecloser]

Favorite family traditions?

ok I’m sober. I’ve done work on my group project. 

here, chirp me because I found this in my phone’s notes and I almost posted in while I was drunk the other night:

Lox. Does leating lox count?1 because I fucking love lox. BEST REASON to go to Hillel tbh fyi 

Now for my real sober answer

So on Purim we always do the Purimshpil which is a play about the Book of Esther (and, you know, Purim). Anyway, best part about  Purimshpil? Booing Haman. 

Funniest thing that ever happened while booing Haman? One time grumps and I convinced our friend group to put on Purimshpil and our friend J volunteered to be Haman. He and stoner bro have a really weird friendship? So Stoner bro got MEGA into booing him. He tripped and face planted multiple times AND lost his voice that’s how much he was booing 

grumps said something later about never seeing anyone get that into Purim before. 

[holtzmecloser]

i hope u hydrate a lot today ♡

yep, thanks, I am. I was still drunk until like two in the afternoon

[holtzmecloser]

Hangover? Forgot about writing a love letter to Kent Parson last night?

[holtzmecloser]

fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 

[holtzmecloser]

Wait! You and bio boi used to drunk make out??? Oh baby! My heart breaks for you

yea, it wasn’t just me pinning for years, it was like I thought this genuinely might happen someday and instead of getting with the program I got stuck 

wait--how do you know about this?