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[honeylemonteaasblog]

A Little Too Much

inspiration: you were never too much and anyone who says you are should go find less

summary: your boys always got your back, wether it's from someone or the voices in your head

pairing: ot7 x reader

genre: a little angst but not much, a little fluff but not much (maybe too much…), healing journey

word count: 3 k

warning (not detailed): emotional abuse, implied violence [overprotective BTS with a you’re-my-entire-world-and-without-you-life-is-meaningless kind of love]

“What did you just say to her?” Namjoon’s voice was hard as it cut through the hallway. You wanted to peer around the man’s broad shoulders to see him, but the man tightened his grip to keep you in place. Your eyes still flickered back and forth in an effort to catch a glimpse of Namjoon though.

The man tossed Namjoon a look over his shoulder. “She your’s?” He spoke like you were just some procession to own. It was as if you were merely a thing hold. He hadn’t even bothered to look at you when he spoke, reinforcing the idea that you weren’t the one in charge of your own life. When his eyes found you again he was looking at your body. He never did meet your eyes. And that wasn’t out of respect, rather that they didn’t mean anything to him. Not like the rest of your body might.

“Let her go.” Yoongi’s voice rang out. Instead of Namjoon’s deadly, but calm question, Yoongi’s voice was all rage and power. His voice sounded like death personified. You shivered as memories of Yoongi’s dominating voice pass through your head. “I won’t ask again.” It’s like he was making a promise to violence.

You could hear their footsteps echo throughout the empty hall, but they didn’t seem close enough yet. You tried to peak around the man’s shoulder again, but he pushed you back causing your head to hit the wall. You let out a muffled yelp. The man didn’t even look towards you.

He shifted to look towards Namjoon and Yoongi, but didn’t let go of you. Instead he just pulled you along with him as if you were merely a doll that children were fighting over. His grip tightened and you knew that it was going to bruise.

Honestly, the fact that he thought that you were some thing to drag around hurt more than his grip. You felt your shoulders bow inwards. It was like you truly thought that if you were small enough he might forget you were there. You wanted him to let go of you, but you were too scared to move let alone say anything. And your head still hurt from hitting the wall earlier.

It probably wasn’t the best, but you had learned early on in life that men thought that they could take whatever they wanted— that they were entitled to take what they want— and the more you fought the worse it was. So no it wasn’t that you wanted to be in this situation, backed against a wall by a complete stranger, but it had also been ingrained into your head that if you went with it, it would hurt less.

It’s not fair to blame yourself for your trauma responses. It’s not fair to blame yourself for not doing better when you are simply trying to protect yourself in the only way you know how to. Despite that simplicity, it’s something that many people tend to forget.

In that moment you were reminded of a time when you had been taught that you needed to be less. You definitely needed to talk less, but it would also be good if you thought less too.

You hadn’t felt like a person in those moments. You didn’t feel worthy of anything or anyone. You didn’t feel like you were valued. Instead you felt like a thing that would be fought over but quickly tossed aside once they got bored. And you had a feeling that the man currently holding your arm in a bruising grip got bored very easily.

Needless to say that was before meeting the boys who had tried so hard to help you change those thoughts. But here you were, being thrown right back in. It hurts how little control we have over our own thoughts sometimes. It’s so easy to be swallowed up by the past.

You had always been told that you were too much. You were told that your love was suffocating. You were told that you tried too hard and it wasn’t a good look. You were told that you just needed to relax, as if it were ever that simple.

So you had also spent a lot of time trying to be less, all in an effort to make other people feel more comfortable. You shoved all of these pieces of yourself deep down into a tiny box buried within your heart. You could almost pretend like those pieces didn’t exist at all. At the time, you thought that if you pretended to be less, that you might be more likable— more palatable. And deep down all you wanted was to feel accepted. If you had to lose parts of yourself you thought that it may just be worth it.

Overtime, you had started to forget just how special you really were. You had been playing a part for so long that you actually started to believe all those toxic voices in your heard. The ones that would twist your reality and punish you for taking up space. You had begun to lose your sense of wonder and tended to see the world in more black and white than color.

You had started to feel like less of a person and more of a thing to be controlled.

And before you truly realized it, you were the one feeling uncomfortable, but no one else seemed to mind. No one had tried to make you feel comfortable despite you trying so hard for others. You weren’t comforted or hugged because that would require others to care about you, or at the very least notice.

Instead you were shoved to the side so people could pretend like you weren’t hurting. People don’t like to think about the fact that others are living their own lives, especially when people are in pain. For some reason, other people’s pain is an unbelievably uncomfortable thing for people to sit with; however, that really shouldn’t be a surprising revelation.

It wasn’t until the boys crashed into your life that your perspective changed. Since then the seven of them had made it their mission to fight off anything that told you should be less. Sometimes it ended in physical fights with the people who haunted your past. Other times, they had to settle for comforting words and cuddles in an effort to fight the voices in your head. For them, both were equally important.

They never wanted to you to feel uncomfortable again. They wanted to you to feel safe and happy, but they especially wanted you to feel safe and happy with them. Bonus points if it was while in their arms.

You flinched when the man behind you abruptly shoved you towards Yoongi and Namjoon, causing you to trip over your feet and fall forwards. They both lunged for you. He tried to run but you didn’t even bother looking, choosing to wrap your arms around Namjoon, who had reached you first. You buried your head in his neck and his arms tightened around your waist. You felt him press a soft kiss to the top of your head; it was a stark contrast to the harshness of the past half an hour.

With his arms around you, you felt safe. You always did with the boys. When they hold you, you feel like nothing could harm you. You liked to think that their hugs gave you bullet proof skin.

You could hear the man yelling behind you and Hoseok’s and Jin’s loud voices, but you decided you liked hiding in Namjoon’s embrace much more than facing whatever reality awaited you.

You’ve seen Hoseok’s deadly right hook before. You can imagine Jimin’s sadistic smirk as he plays with his switchblade. And Jin will be donning that unemotional mask that he likes to use to scare the people who threaten you. There is nothing as terrifying as not knowing what is going on in someone’s head.

Besides, Namjoon didn’t seem to mind holding you. If anything his grip tightened when the yelling started like he knew that the loud voices might upset you. So you held him tighter too.

You didn’t flinch like you normally would if you were to feel a hand rub along your spine, but it was gentle. And you think that deep down, when your being held by one of the boys, you know that they would never let any harm come to you. It’s not that you think that they would when you’re not in their arms, but you know they would never let anyone else close enough to touch you when you’re in their embrace. Well, anyone besides them that is.

They really are that possessive.

Taehyung pulls you out of Namjoon’s embrace who leaves an apologetic kiss on your forehead before heading over towards the others.

“Sweetheart, let’s go wait in the car.” Taehyung coaxes you towards the car while holding you to his chest like he’s worried that if one of them isn’t holding you, you might fall apart. He isn’t completely sure what happened before Yoongi and Namjoon got here, but he isn’t willing to take any chances.

None of them are when it comes to you, and your safety.

Jungkook is waiting in the car when the two of you get there. He quickly pulls you out of Taehyung’s embrace and further into the car. Well, more like into his lap. Your legs straddle his waist as you bury your face into his chest. You feel his chest rumble with his soft laughter and his hands come up to cradle your head and neck. You’re willing to bet that he’s trying to silently ask Taehyung if you’re okay over your head.

“Princess” Jungkook calls for your attention and you reluctantly look up at him. It’s not that you don’t love looking at his doe eyes, but you really loved hiding in his chest. Especially when he is laughing. “Let us take care of you, yeah?”

You love that he knows not to ask you if you’re okay. He can already guess that you’re not. And he doesn’t need you to confirm that for him.

You love that he doesn’t force you to talk about anything even though you are sure that he wants answers. He prioritizes your needs over the answers that may make him more comfortable. In that moment his comfort isn’t the one that matters.

Jungkook also knows that you aren’t used to having people to rely on. Too many people have told you that you’re emotions are too much and that you need to tone it down. So he knows that you may not want to rely on him, too worried about what they may think of you, but he also wants to smother those voices.

If he could physically touch those toxic voices they would already have broken necks.

“You can feel however you want to feel, Sweetheart.” Jungkook nods at Tae’s words. It hurts them to see the traces of emotional abuse that you’ve experienced. And it really hurts that they know that they’ll never be able to completely remove those thoughts. However, that doesn’t stop them from doing everything in their power to minimize those voices and provide as much reinforcement as they can.

“Princess.” Jungkook waits until you meet his eyes so you can see how serious he is. “You were never too much. And you never could be too much. I’m so sorry that people made you think that and that they turned your mind against you.” He presses a kiss to your temple as if it could heal your mind. It was something that the boys had all told you before, but you felt your heart swell every time they said it. It was probably why they kept telling you; they could see the way that their words impacted you.

“He’s right, Sweetheart. It was never your fault. We get that it’s really hard to acknowledge that, especially when it’s so much easier to blame ourselves. But it was never you.” His hands run up and down your spine and the repetitive movement makes you a little sleepy. But you can’t help but feel comforted by them.

“We know that it’s hard to believe that, but we’ll always be here to remind you.” Jungkook and Taehyung look at you with such determination that it makes some of those toxic voices in your head go quiet because when they look at you like that it makes you think that they’re right. It makes you think that it was never your fault no matter how many times you were told that it was.

You aren’t ready to fully believe that, the abuse has penetrated your mind too deeply for it all just to go away, but the more time you spend with your boys the more that you’re starting to see it the way that they do. It fills you with hope so even though you know that you’re not healed, you know that you are healing.

It is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

The boys wish that they could make it all go away with the snap of their fingers. They wish that they were able to fix all of your problems and remove any and all barriers to your happiness, but they also know that there are somethings that they can’t just fix for you. So, in those cases they stand by you, hold you, and encourage you because no matter what they will always be there to support you. They’re ten toes behind no matter what.

You smile at his words and pull your gaze away from Jungkook’s to smile at Taehyung. You watch him visibly brighten at your smile like you just gave him a shot of dopamine. They love when you smile. And most of the time, when you smile they can’t help but smile too. They will do whatever they can to make you smile like that.

You deserve the world and they would gladly serve it to you.

The others slide into the car with tense shoulders and angry expressions. When you spin around in Jungkook’s lap to see them, you swear that Jimin has blood on the cuffs of his dress shirt but before you can look closer he’s pulling you out of Jungkook’s lap and into his. “Baby, you scared me.”

You want to reassure him, but you aren’t quite sure how to explain yourself. Instead, you hug him back even tighter. He smiles into your neck which makes you smile too. It’s funny how despite everything Jimin can make you smile so easily. You love that he’s able to make you smile because you can remember a time when even smiling was exhausting. Now though, now it feels effortless around your seven boys.

“Let’s go home, Love.” Jin’s voice pulls your attention away from Jimin. He’s sitting in the passenger seat but turns around to look at you. You watch his eyes rake across your body checking to make sure you’re okay. You love that Jin never tries to hide how much he cares about you. He never tries to minimize his love for you.

He wants you to know that he wants you to be okay. And he would do anything to ensure it.

The boys let you live in your own little bubble for a while longer, but you also know that they’ll want to talk to you. They will want to check in with you because they know that in the past people haven’t cared enough to ask.

They never want you to feel like that again so they always make sure to check in with you. They never want you to suffer in silence ever again, not when they can do something about it. Some might call it overbearing, but they would do whatever they need to ensure that you feel seen. And until you ask them to stop they never will.

You remember asking Hoseok about it once, wondering why they were so protective. It had been when you were first getting to know them. He explained that everyone deserves to feel safe and protected. But he also told you that he likes feeling needed by you. He likes being able to protect you.

Not that he told you this, but the boys also love that shy look you get when one of them steps in or has your back because you haven’t quite realized that they’ll always defend you. A part of him wants to cry for you because someone made you feel like you were alone and that you didn’t have anyone to protect you. So no one can really blame the boys for going overboard. At least that’s what Yoongi always says with a smug smirk, but you catch the way his eyes soften whenever he looks at you.

It is difficult to find the balance between giving you space and never making you question if they care. They want to reassure you, but they also don’t want to overwhelm you. The eight of you are slowly finding that balance, but it’ll take some time.

You secretly love it though. Before the boys, people never showed that they cared so maybe it’s a little toxic, but you have your reasons. You love their overprotective nature that never wants you out of their sight because you’re their whole world. You love that they want to do everything for you, not because you can’t, but because they want to. You love that they will be at your side as soon as you ask because it’s their favorite place to be.

But in that moment of peace on the car ride home, you hug Jimin closer. You close your eyes and let yourself take a moment to see how you really feel because for the first time in your life you know that those feelings are valid. You no longer have to second guess or dull them so others aren’t uncomfortable. You know that the boys will accept you regardless.

You will never be too much for your boys and that makes you feel like you could do anything. You think, with them by your side, you could conquer the world.

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Honey Lavender

summary: Writer OC and barista Taehyung falling in love

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 3.3 k

warnings: a couple brief mentions of anxiety, too much fluff (is that a thing because I think it may be a thing???), SOPE <3 (aka sunshine Hobi and grumpy Yoongi)

Each morning you were greeted by a smiling Hoseok and a scowling Yoongi. It was always funny to you that Yoongi and Hoseok opened the cafe when Yoongi could hardly keep his eyes open, every single morning. But you guess that he really only did it for Hoseok, who was a smiling angel with coffee for you each morning. He would chat with you and ask you about whatever novel you were working on at the moment while Yoongi pretended like he wasn’t about to fall asleep standing up. But you could feel his eyes on you because despite how tired he always was, Yoongi still cared about you in a way that was completely him. Honestly, that mostly meant silently watching, but in your experience quiet acts of love often have meant the most.

You had started going to the cafe because it was a block away from your apartment. It was just far enough away that you felt like you had gone somewhere, but wasn’t so far that you couldn’t run home if you needed to. That was important because as someone who had frequent panic attacks you always wanted the ability to get home fast. You also always double knotted your laces, just in case.

Over time you found that you had fallen into a routine of sorts where you would go to the cafe in the morning, pretty close to when they opened so you could get your favorite seat, then you would work for a while. Around noon you would leave because the cafe got too busy with college students trying to eat lunch between classes or grab a breakfast because they had only just woken up.

The two baristas had become constants in your life, so it was a little bit of shock when you walked in one morning to find a new man standing behind the counter. He had this boyish look about him that made him look really adorable. His apron was tied slightly askew, but he made no move to adjust it. There was also a light dusting of powdered sugar across his face and some in his hair, but you could really only see it because his hair was a dark brown.

When you walked in he sent you the most adorable smile you’d ever seen and you think that your heart skipped a beat. It was this boxy smile that you aren’t sure you’ll ever truly forget.

A little voice in your head wondered if you could take a picture of him, but you quickly realized that would be weird. Besides you had been standing in front of the register looking at him with a dopey smile on your lips for far longer than is socially acceptable. If you were to take your phone out of your pocket you would have to stand there for even longer— not that you would have minded staring at him more. But again, it was already getting awkward because he was also just standing there smiling at you.

You physically shook your head in an effort to remove the thoughts. He seemed to smile wider at your obvious staring.

“Hi, what can I get for you?” His voice was deeper than you thought it would be. You briefly wonder what his voice would sound like in the morning after he has just woken up— No. You stop yourself right there. You don’t know this man and yet here you are picturing him just waking up. You want to hit your head against the counter. If you are lucky you might even knock some sense into yourself. At this point, you may have more rational thoughts if you had a concussion.

“Um h-hi” You stutter for the first time in a while. You used to stutter a lot when you were younger because of anxiety, but you’d been working with a therapist for a little bit now so it’d gotten better in the past year. “What would you recommend?” Anyone else in the cafe would think it was your first time because who asks for a recommendation when they already have a go to order that the normal baristas know by heart after you’ve ordered it so many times? The answer is a girl talking to a handsome stranger.

They always make the oddest choices. Even when it seems illogical to outsides, they can always find a way to rationalize it.

He tilts his head to look at you better as if he’ll be able to see into your coffee addicted heart for the perfect recommendation. “Maybe a honey lavender latte.” “Perfect. A 16 oz please.” “For here?” You nodded in response, deciding that the less you talk the less likely you are to embarrass yourself further.

When he holds your gaze a moment too long you feel yourself blush. Needless to say, you look away first.

Your favorite spot is a small booth towards the back of the cafe. If you sit on the far side your up against the window, but can still see the whole cafe. Normally it’s great in reducing your anxiety while you write. Today however, you find yourself watching the new barista more than writing and wonder if you should have sat facing the wall if only to be more productive.

You decide to call it a day because you simply aren’t going to get anything done here and the college students have started talking too energetically for having just woken up. You look up, again, to see the new barista’s eyes on you already. When he realizes your looking he shoots you that smile and it, again, makes your heart skip a beat. You turn away quickly to hide the blush that is now dusting your cheeks, but you swear that you can hear his laughter ring out from across the room. You don’t turn to make sure; you’re too afraid of what seeing his laugh would do to you. Just hearing it makes you turn to mush.

You can feel his eyes on your back as you scurry out of the cafe.

You wouldn’t want to admit to anyone that you hesitated at your door the next morning, double checking your reflection in the glass. You also wouldn’t want to admit that you might have been a little disappointed if the new guy wasn’t there again in the morning.

“My favorite customer” Hoseok’s cheerful voice rang out as soon as you opened the door. He was all smiles and greeted you like you hadn’t seen each other in months. In reality, it had only been a day. You sent him a smile because you missed him too. Hoseok has this way of making everyone a little happier and it’s intoxicating. He’s like a little dopamine hit every morning. You got addicted fast. Really, it’s no wonder that Yoongi manages to get up every morning, if only just to see Hoseok’s smile.

You glance around, but don’t see Yoongi. Hoseok must notice you look because his smile widens, if that’s even possible. “Yoongi’s gone. He went to see his family.” Hoseok’s dimming eyes makes you think that there is more to that, but it’s not your place to say anything so you send him a reassuring look instead. “So… you meet Taehyung right? Normally he works the closing shifts, but since we were gone yesterday he covered for us.” The way that Hoseok talks about Taehyung makes you think that they’re close.

Taehyung must have heard his name because the young man from yesterday comes out of the backroom. He once again has a light dusting of powdered sugar across his face which makes you wonder how one manages to do the same thing twice in a row, but really who are you to judge when you don’t even remember the last time you baked anything.

“Honey Lavender” He says as a greeting and it makes you blush, again. He must realize what he does to you, right? The little smirk that you catch on his face makes you think he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Hoseok’s eyes bounce between the two of you, curiosity and excitement shinning in them. Mercifully, he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t say anything. He just moves towards the side to clean a coffee machine and let Taehyung take your order instead.

“What can I get for you?” He sounds a little amused and you glance away to remind yourself that he is only a man. He may be handsome and make you feel all gooey inside like a freshly baked brownie, but at the end of the day he is just a man. Your eyes flick to the man before you, pointedly ignoring Hoseok who is shamelessly staring at you from behind the machine that he is fake cleaning. He’s not even trying to make it look believable as he leans against the counter with a smirk.

“H-honey Lavender Latte” Your voice is quiet and shook a little, but when you see a boxy smile break out across his face you can’t help but smile too. You feel a little bit of confidence bubble up inside yourself at being able to make him smile like that. “So you liked it?” His voice doesn’t actually sound like he’s asking you about coffee and it makes your cheeks even heat further. His smile widened. You simply nod and look down as if the ground might swallow you whole just to provide you a little bit of relief from his heated gaze.

Finally, after slightly too long, but that might have been your own imagination, he moves on with punching your order in and making your coffee. When you go up to get it from the counter he slides you a lemon bar too. The lemon bar is covered in powdered sugar and it makes you glance up at his powdered sugar dusted face. “On the house.” His eyes watch you as you practically run to your table, murmuring a thank you that is too quiet for him to hear well. When you look over after holding off for as long as you possibly can he and Hoseok are huddled together whispering to each other. Hoseok tosses a look over his shoulder and you quickly look back down to the practically empty word doc.

You got very little writing done. However, you did spend longer than you normally do in the cafe.

You linger outside the cafe for a while trying to calm your nerves. You’re not following your normal routine and it’s throwing you off. You had gone to get some writing done in the morning, but Taehyung wasn’t there. Hoseok and Yoongi had teased you relentlessly for a while about it, until there was a blush covering your cheeks and you practically ran away to hide behind your computer screen. They both laughed but promised that they would stop if you wanted them to. And they had said it with such seriousness that you believed them.

But a little part of you liked that they were encouraging your obvious crush. You like to think that if they didn’t support it they would not be egging you on. They are obviously friends with your new favorite barista.

That’s how you found yourself standing outside the cafe that evening. You wanted to see Taehyung again. You didn’t want to admit that, but you are also finding it harder and harder to ignore it. Instead of peaking around the corner again like an absolute creep you force yourself inside.

When he looks up he immediately smiles and you feel butterflies in your stomach. You aren’t sure when the last time was that someone had easily showed that they cared for you. That they were happy to see you. He turns his attention to you and he’s looking at you with this deliberate look, like he is trying to see into your very soul. He’s looking at you like he wants to know you. And not just at the surface level but like he wants to know about all the little pieces that are tucked away in the shadowed crevices of your heart. Honestly, that alone terrifies you.

“Hi.” His voice is softer than normal like he sees just how nervous you really are and doesn’t want to spook you.

“Hi.” Your voice is really quiet and people in the cafe are talking so you aren’t sure if Taehyung could hear you. But you think he does because he smiles again. “What can I get for you, Honey Lavender?”

“Something without caffeine. It makes me jumpy at night.” You briefly wonder why you are telling him this, but you find that you trust him. You find that you want to tell him about yourself. That should scare you, but you realize that it doesn’t scare you as much as you thought that it would. Instead, you feel this relief and you aren’t sure anyone has ever made you feel like that before.

“Hot chocolate?” In response, you nod eagerly, wondering when you last had hot chocolate. Your too busy in your own head to realize how Taehyung eagerly takes you in. Your smile always makes him smile back. He wonders if you realize how adorable you are or if you go through life with a sort of ignorance.

Taehyung however could never not notice your smile. You draw him in so effortlessly that it makes him giddy. With you all he wants to do is laugh, make you laugh, and listen to your laugh. You make him feel carefree again and as a man that often feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders that is the most precious thing anyone could offer him. So making you smile makes him feel like his day was successful.

This time you didn’t have a novel to run to which made the wait for your hot chocolate more awkward. So instead you watched Taehyung make your hot chocolate. You saw him carefully make the drink with a smile on his face. It was like he genuinely loved working at the cafe. But a little part of you also hoped that he was smiling because he liked making you a drink. And that he liked it when you came into the cafe.

That part of you also hoped that you got stuck in his head just as much as he was stuck in yours. It was only fair, right?

Weeks later you finished the draft of your novel and as you skimmed through some of the scenes, you realized that Wyn, your MMC was oddly familiar.

Now that you think about it, his floppy brown hair and stunning smile does somewhat resemble your new favorite barista. He’s got this adorable charm about him that captivates the other characters. Instead of making coffee and free-powdered-sugar-dusted lemon bars, he’s a florist. However, that doesn’t stop him from drinking coffee all the time and he harbors a love for baking chocolate chip cookies in the evenings as a way to destress.

When Wyn and Naomi started living together he would make her hot chocolate in the evenings. They would be a little different depending on the season. It had started because Naomi was a pumpkin spice latte kind of girl despite having a strong dislike for chain coffee shops and exclusively frequented small independently owned cafes around town. Then Wyn couldn’t not make peppermint hot chocolate in the winter, but soon it became their thing.

And it oddly reminded you of Taehyung and the night that he made you a hot chocolate. Then, the subsequent nights that Taehyung made you flavored hot chocolates, claiming that he needed to test flavor combinations. Specifically Taehyung had wanted to know if honey would be a good sweetener for hot chocolate. Taehyung was adamant that it was perfect. You hadn’t been sure so you demanded that he make another one with this look that made him laugh. Little did you know that he would make anything you asked for.

You hadn’t realized that Taehyung had wormed his way into your heart. And you definitely hadn’t realized that you’re thankful for it. Normally when people get close to you, you freak out a little bit and distance yourself because most of the time it is so much easier to be alone then let someone hurt you. Looking at Taehyung now, you realize that he might just be worth any pain in the future.

The man patiently listening to an older woman at the counter while she goes on about something irritating her because he can tell that she has no one else to complain to, might be worth it. And the man who started slipping you different desserts and claiming that he needed taste testers, might be worth it. And certainly the Taehyung that looks at you with heart eyes, like you might just be the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, is worth it.

He might just be worth all the pain that could come. You find that you might welcome that pain if it allows you to be with this man even if it’s for a limited time.

You must have been staring off into space when he slipped into the seat in front of you; thankfully you weren’t looking in Taehyung’s direction without realizing. That would have been awkward.

“Hi.” He watches you like you are the most important thing to him. He watches you with such intensity that you really want to look away, but at the same time his gaze just ensnares you and you aren’t sure if you are physically able to look away.

Later you’ll learn that you really are the most precious thing to him. And he’ll admit that he looks at you with so much intensity to remind himself that you really are here. You aren’t a part of his imagination or a dream that he doesn’t want to wake up from. Rather he wants to wake up from all his dreams just to get back to the real world all because you’re in the real world. This is also why he’ll always want to be holding your hand, which is another physical reminded that you’re real.

“Hi.” You are really happy that your voice comes out at least a little strong. You watch his eyes flicker to your lips as you speak. You swear he might be able to hear your heart thudding in your chest.

“I’ve really liked getting to know you these past weeks.” His voice comes out a little wobbly and it makes your heart melt. You feel your eyes soften as you watch him. “Are you free to get dinner sometime next week?”

“Like a date?” You want to cringe at your only response, but when Taehyung bares his heart to you like this you find yourself dumbstruck. He smiles in response and his own eyes soften at whatever emotion he must see on your face.

“Like a date.” His voice is so much stronger than it was a few moments ago. His smile is widening by the second and he looks like he is about to leap out of his seat and across the table just to be able to sit next to you. It is like any distance between the two of you physically hurts him.

“I’d love that.” You smile at him and decide that despite whatever happens next you will never regret this decision. You will never regret opening your heart up to him with the hope that he will hold is carefully. You promise yourself that despite any pain that may come, you will not hate yourself for wanting to believe the best from a man that has only showed you kindness.You never want to regret exploring the possibility of happiness.

So you take the leap of faith and lean into the love that Taehyung is offering you. You think that you knew deep down that he would catch you. You just hope that he’ll never let you go because you don’t want to learn how to live without him again.

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Your Protectors

summary: Five years ago you went missing, and now that they found you again they’ll never let you go again.

pairing: ot7 x reader

genre: mafia, a little angst but not much, a little fluff but not much, second chance romance

word count: 4.1 k

warning (not detailed): parent abuse, violence, death, sexual violence [protective boys, emotional Namjoon, I’ll burn the world down for you and never let a single flame touch you]

“T-Taehyung” Your voice shook as you looked at the man in front of you. You used to wish that they would come to rescue you, but they never did. You were left to save yourself, and you did. But now one of the boys from your past is here, standing in front of you instead of haunting you in your dreams. To be fair, he looks equally shocked. Taehyung is standing in front of you, mouth agape and eyes wide. Clearly, he didn’t know that you were going to be here. He hadn’t been looking for you, but after all these years you never expect him to be.

“Oh my god. I thought— we thought you were dead.” He continues to babble in front of you, but you can’t stay here. You just killed a man in the bathroom behind you and you need to get out of the club. You glance behind you once before shoving past Taehyung, which was easier then it should of been, but you think it’s because he still looks like he’s seen a ghost. Honestly, you know the feeling.

It takes him a moment to come to his senses so you are already down the hall when he calls out your name. You look back to see that he’s holding his phone up to his ear, probably calling one of the others. You really need to get out of here. Now. As you turn the corner towards the back door you make eye contact with Hoseok across the room. He’s sitting with Jimin and Jungkook in a roped off area of the club, clearly meant for VIPs. Fuck.

You turn before Hoseok can even make a noise, but you saw his shocked expression and you saw him hit Jimin in the shoulder and point in your general direction. You don’t wait for Jimin to look up, instead you turn and run.

You make it to your bike just before the door slams against the brick wall. You want to look back, even if it’s just to get another look at one of them, but you know you shouldn’t so you keep your gaze fixed ahead. You’re on your bike and tearing away before they have time to catch you. Only when you are about to turn the corner, do you glance behind you to see all four of them watching you. You knew that they would be. You want to go to them because you remember how comforting their hugs were, but you know that you can’t, not anymore.

You and the boys were best friends five years ago. Honestly, you were more than friends, but you all were too scared to put a label on it. But none that mattered because all of you knew that you loved one another. Within in your little bubble, the eight of you could simply exist and be happily in love with each other. But the reality was that the world was a judgmental place. All of you were scared that it’s judgement would taint your love.

You’d found the boys when you ran away from home. You were only 16 at the time and they had found you shivering in an alleyway that you’d been sleeping in for a couple of nights. They took you to their small apartment that Yoongi rented. They all lived together most of the time, but you quickly learned that Namjoon was the heir to a prominent mafia family so he couldn’t stay at the apartment often. Seokjin and Yoongi were gone a lot too, helping Namjoon. But Taehyung and Jimin who weren’t much older than you took care of you, claiming that they were older so it was their job to protect you. Jungkook claimed he would too even though you both were the same age, muttering something about being a man that made you roll your eyes.

But they did protect you. The seven of them saved you when you were scared and protected you when you couldn’t. They did their best to chase away all your fears away. Probably for the first time in your life you felt cared for; you felt loved.

You still remember when you went to a convenience store on your way back from school one day, it was in the winter so it got dark early. A man, probably late 20s, had pushed you up against the wall and was trying to get you to come home with him. If he cared, he probably should have chosen a different tactic… you know besides cornering and threatening a girl. It was clear that he didn’t actually care what you wanted, or felt for that matter. You had been trying to push him away when he suddenly was flying off you. Yoongi pinned the man to the floor and punched him. After he got a few good punches in, Seokjin pulled him off the man and told him to leave in voice that promised violence. The guy had ran without looking back.

The two boys turned to you with concerned eyes. Their once angry faces softened when they saw the tears streaking down your face. Seokjin pulled you into his arms and started whispering reassurances into your ear, then they walked you home. The rest of the boys were equally as angry and honestly looked a little upset that they hadn’t been the one to punch the guy. Yoongi just looked smug.

Though the seven of them were involved in the mafia, especially as they got older, they did their best to keep you as far away from it as possible. They promised themselves that they would do everything in their power to protect you. Yet, they also couldn’t find it in themselves to leave you. They loved you too much to ever walk away from you, despite the risks.

So when you were kidnapped they blamed themselves. They thought that they were the reason that you were taken. If only they had known the truth. If only you had told them the truth, then maybe they would’ve been able to help you. At the very least, they wouldn’t have blamed themselves as much; you would’ve been naive to think that the seven boys that you loved, that loved and protected you wouldn’t blame themselves at all. You just wanted to lessen their hurt.

The truth was that you were born into the mafia, just like Namjoon. You were the daughter of a powerful man in the mafia and while he wasn’t the leader, he was still important. He was important enough that you, his daughter, was valuable in securing an alliance with another mafia family. When you overheard your father basically selling you off as a bride to a man twice your age you took your chances and ran.

The first thing you did when you were safe enough, even if you were still staying on the streets, was find some decent looking guy to have sex with. Your family was old school and wanted a virgin bride. You would never let your father take that choice away from you. So, you had sex with a somewhat handsome man, who was young enough, and didn’t ask too many questions or pressure you into anything more than one night. There are times when you’d wish that you would have waited and one of the boys could have been your first, but you also know that, at the time, it was the only way that you’d be able to protect yourself. It was a choice you made for yourself, which felt empowering despite everything. If your father caught you, at least he couldn’t marry you off and tie your life to someone else. It was the only thing you could do to protect your future, and you would take anything you could get.

The boys were always so clear that they didn’t want you involved in their lifestyle, that they wanted you safe. So you never knew how to tell them that you had been involved. That you had run. You knew that they would still love you, but you weren’t sure if they would let you stay with them. When they got worried about a threat to your safety they weren’t the most understanding. You never knew how to bring it up, but as the years passed you thought that you might have truly escaped from your father. You never should have been so naive, so reckless.

When your father did find you and bring you home, the boys had no idea where to look. They certainly wouldn’t look towards your father’s mafia. Obviously you regretted keeping it a secret, but you hated that the boys would blame themselves when they were never the ones at fault. You hated the idea that you were causing them pain because despite everything you loved them.

You loved them with everything you had because in those years together you all had molded yourselves to fit together perfectly. When you were taken away from them it felt like someone had torn your heart out. Even now, five years later your heart still beats for them. You knew that you would never love anyone else the way that you loved those seven men and you carried that with you through all the hard times. You held onto that love like a dirty secret when everything else was falling apart, giving you hope despite the darkness. They might not believe it, but their love continued to protect you long after they were ripped out of your life.

The next time you saw the boys was when you were at the gym. You had been in the fighting ring with Daejoon. You loved fighting him because you were equally matched. It felt good to finally pin him after fighting for a while. Every time you won, even during training, you felt this rush of power. After being at other people’s mercy for so long the little bits of control and power you felt were intoxicating. It’s the main reason why you kept coming back to the gym to train, and why you would often fight in the ring.

You aren’t sure how the boys found you, but really you shouldn’t be surprised. After Namjoon’s father died a few years ago he would have inherited the title. With that came a lot of power, so finding you shouldn’t have been impossible, especially after you killed someone in his club. It’s why it hurt a little more that they hadn’t found you before. You had more or less found them instead. Accidentally, but still.

You heard Namjoon call out your name and you really didn’t want to look up, but he tone didn’t give you much of a choice. They were all looking at you. “We need to talk.” You nodded because despite everything, you still loved them and could never deny them anything, even when it’d be better if you did. It hurt to hear the vulnerability in Namjoon’s voice. To know that after five years, he still cared about you and he still wanted to know you. It hadn’t been a command, but a plea.

You see the pride in their eyes and realize that they had been watching the fight. That they saw you in a new light now. They saw that you were no longer the helpless teenager that had been torn away from them. They saw that you were stronger now and could literally fight for what you wanted. Instead of feeling threatened, they looked proud.

Realistically he should be worried you are a threat, but instead he just looks exhausted and worried. As you walk over to him he reaches out to you like he wants to hug you and it breaks your heart because it feels like no time has passed and just yesterday you were cuddled up on the couch. But that’s not true and the girl that you are now is a completely different girl than who you were when you all fell in love as teenagers. So, he may think that he still loves you, but you aren’t sure anyone is capable of loving you anymore. So you keep your distance and pretend like you don’t see the hurt splash across his face when you don’t fall into his arms like you used to.

“Namjoon” Your voice breaks and if it were possible, he looks even more heartbroken. “I’m s-so s-sorry. I can’t be here.” You shake your head and start to step back because this was a bad idea. You knew this was a bad idea. But you meet Jungkook’s chest instead. His arms come around to circle your waist. “Sweetheart, let us in. Please”

You want to shake your head. You want to pull away. But you can’t bring yourself to move. For five years you’ve dreamed of them and now that they’re really here you aren’t sure how to handle the situation. You may have dreamed about the boys, but those were only dreams. You had given up on them being a part of your life. “I’m not the same girl I was five years ago.” You don’t want me anymore.

The rest of the boys come around you also. “We aren’t the same either, princess.”

You find yourself nodding. With Namjoon now being the head of his mafia family they couldn’t be. And that hurt you more than you wanted to admit, so you pushed that down and tried to focus. “I can’t stay here. He’ll look for me.” Your words are soft as you finally give in and lean back into Jungkook’s arm. He easily supports you, holding you even closer like he is worried you might disappear if he loosens his hold. Its like the only place he knows you are safe is in his arms.

“Who? Princess, who took you from us?” Seokjin’s voice is soft despite the hard look on his face. He looks like he is ready to burn the world down for you. It looks like he would happily watch the world burn around you all if it meant keeping you safe. Some things never change.

You shake your head. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you but I worried about what would happen… I thought that it would be okay, but I don’t know why I ever thought that because it’s not fine. Nothing is ever fine.” As you begin to cry and your rant becomes harder to understand. You have been holding yourself together for so long by yourself. You aren’t even sure how you made it because now that you think about it, you are exhausted. Being in Jungkook’s arms and surrounded by the others makes you feel like taking a breath of fresh air after being forced under water. It makes you feel a little lightheaded, but in a good way.

Namjoon’s hands find your face, tilting you up to look at him. It grounds you, just like he always was able to.

“My father.” You feel the men around you still at your words, trying to process this part of you that you never gave to them before. It hurts to think about the lies you told them about your family. They protected you from anything and everything, but you were never fully honest with them. You were so scared that it might change your relationship, that they might leave you because they wouldn’t love you. All those fears are still there, but now you are so much more broken and you can’t imagine that they will ever look at you the same, let alone love you. No matter how kind they may be now, five years is a long time. You are a completely different person than you used to be. You’re broken. You don’t know how to truly love anymore. Well, not in the same way at least. And you don’t know how to be loved anymore.

You’ve been alone for so long that you no longer know how to rely on anyone anymore. Your father made sure that you never had anyone to rely on. He told you that no one was coming to rescue you because no one cared enough. He forced you to become so independent that you weren’t sure what you could offer the men that you still loved. You no longer had anything to offer them, so you weren’t sure why they would care for you anymore.

Hoseok shoved his boss aside so he could hold your face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “It’s okay Sunshine. We will protect you now… like we should have before.” His voice trails off when a look of anguish replaces it.

“Little one, I-I’m so sorry that we failed you.” You feel tears well up in your eyes as you hear Namjoon’s voice break. Namjoon is the head of a prominent mafia family. He is one of the strongest men that you know, but he isn’t afraid of showing his emotion to the people that he cares for. Hearing his voice filled with sorrow, guilt, and pain makes you want to reach out and cradle the larger man. You hold myself back because you can’t.

“You don’t understand. My father will never let me go.” You pull out of Jungkook’s hold a little so you can steel your spine and put on a brave face. You know that you will need it. “I’m not his daughter, not really. I’m just a tool to wield. And he would never let one of his investments go.” You keep your face neutral even as you see their anger. It makes you want to reach out and comfort them, but you don’t. Involuntarily, your fingers twitch at your side.

You swear the you hear one of them growl, you think it came from Yoongi who is standing to your right. He stays just out of reach which makes your heart clench painfully. It’s like he isn’t sure if your really here and the little bit of space between you will protect his heart if you aren’t real. It’s like he wouldn’t survive you being taken from him again, even if it’s only in his head.

“I have to go. I have to leave because it’s the only way that I can protect myself.” The vulnerability in your voice makes them want to bundle you up in their arms so nothing can hurt you ever again. Jungkook’s fingers twitch at your sides because he want to hold you closer, but knows that it isn’t his decision to make. Enough men have made decisions for you; he won’t.

They would gladly be your shield if it meant that you could rest for a while. They would take on the world for you. They would take on anything and challenge everyone who dared harm you no matter the consequences. There is nothing they wouldn’t fight if it meant that you wouldn’t be forced to be alone again.

“I know that you can protect yourself, little one. I know that you are capable of fighting your battles, and I will gladly stand by and watch you.” Namjoon sounds so sure of himself. He sounds so sure of you and that confidence alone makes you look up to meet his eyes. You aren’t sure what you expect to see, but all you see is pride in his eyes. He looks so fucking proud of you and you aren’t sure what to make of that, not used to seeing such emotion.

“But just because I know that, it doesn’t mean that you have to prove it every time. Letting someone else protect you doesn’t make you weak.” When you glance at the others around him, you see they are all looking at you with the same promise. They are looking at you like you hung the stars and moon. Like you are the only thing that matters. They look at you with such intensity and emotion that you feel yourself shifting on your feet from the weight of their gazes. Jungkook’s hands land on your hips and pull you closer to his chest.

“I-I know. And I want to… I really do. But I don’t know how to.” You find that you are telling them the truth. You wanted them to save you for so long and even if you did give up, you never stopped dreaming about them. You never stopped loving them either. You don’t think that you could ever stop loving the seven boys that loved you in the best way that they could. The boys that swore to protect you from all the darkness in the world. The boys that love you despite five years of distance. You don’t think you’ll ever deserve these men, but your selfish so you also never want to give them up. You realize that despite everything, you want to be enough for them. You’d fight to be the person that they are worthy of.

They wouldn’t want to hear your thoughts though because to them, you are already everything. You give them a reason to be alive. You are the center of their world and the gravity that keeps them tethered to earth. Without you, they would float aimlessly without any direction in life. So, even if you don’t see it, they will make sure to remind you of that every single day for the rest of their lives. And one day, you’ll realize just how deeply they love you and that together you will get through the hard days.

“Shhh… It’s okay. You don’t need to know everything, we can figure it out together.” Jimin rubs circles on the inside of your wrist, trying to comfort you. But you know that Jimin likes to hold the inside of your wrist to feel your pulse. You think that he may be trying to comfort himself, just as much as he is trying to comfort you.

“I’ve always done everything on my own.” You’re barriers that were already barely up around them have fallen away completely. You sink back into Jungkook’s embrace. He peppers soft kisses on your neck and in your hair. His hands tighten around your hips. It makes you smile and twist around to bury your head into his neck. You think that this, being with them and hidden away in their embrace, may be your favorite place. You think that you would feel safe no matter where you are as long as your with your boys.

“We are here now. You’ll never be alone again.” You opened your mouth to protest Jungkook’s reassurance. But he cuts you off before you could even start. “We’ll learn together.” His hand finds the back of your neck and pushes your head into his neck even more, letting you breath in his scent and relax into his hold. You feel all the tension leave your body as Taehyung runs his hand down your spine.

“Let us protect you, not because you can’t but because we want to.” Yoongi’s voice is clear and he tilt’s your chin up out of Jungkook’s neck to catch your eyes so you can see how serious he is. You know that they’ll protect you, they’ve already done that before, but there is something deadly in his eyes that make you think this time they will be even more protective. “It makes us feel useful.” Taehyung presses a kiss to your forehead as if he is trying to seal his promise with a kiss and it makes you smile because for the first time in years you aren’t scared of your father. You know that together you and the men around you, your boys, will be strong enough to take your father down. To get retribution for the pain he caused all of you.

Then you will finally be able to find some peace. You’ll be able the rebuild your life with the men that you love— the men that love you. And this time you’ll welcome their love and express your love for them in a way that you’ve never allowed yourself to before. And no one deserves to be loved more than these men.

It’ll be then that you’ll realize that there is so much strength in being vulnerable and showing the people that you love that you love them. Expressing emotions isn’t a sign of weakness, it is an incredible strength. And that you should never have to find that part of yourself weak ever again because if anyone sees that at a weakness or threatens to exploit it, your boys will take care of it. They will never let anything hurt you ever again, even your own doubts.

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Loved You Once

summary: Our MC, Jia, moves back to Korea after living abroad and reconnects with the boys, including Jungkook, the boy who has been in love with her since they were kids.

pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Named MC)

genre: angst, some fluff, healing

word count: 6.3 k

warning (triggers— please read them): domestic abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, implied physical abuse, trauma, depression, talk of mental health

note: I tried to portray mental health in a real way that represented trauma and abuse without romanticizing it. I understand that parts of this may be difficult to read, but I also firmly believe that we should talk about mental health, trauma, and abuse in an effort to create safe spaces for survivors’ stories. Please let me know if anyone has advice or concerns about writing about sensitive topics. I’d love to hear it.

“Did you hear? Jia’s back.” Jungkook’s head snapped to Hoseok. It looked like the rest of the boys were also surprised. Your family had moved to the states when you were still in high school. You all had maintained your friendship for a while through excessive texting and random facetimes, but the distance made it difficult. Then, life got really busy and you all fell out of touch. Well, you fell out of touch with them; they still talked with each other.

It was something that the boys would never forgive themselves for. They had each other, but they felt like they had abandoned you. Even if that wasn’t the case and you didn’t actually blame them. The boys felt bad that they were all friends still and didn’t even know how you were doing. They don’t check in anymore. They were supposed to be your best friends, but they had done a horrible job of maintaining that relationship. However, it was also something they would never admit to each other. Mostly because they didn’t want to say it out loud. None of them had talked to you in years.

“I overheard my mom talking to her mom.” Hoseok admits. They could see the frown on his face. And they could all relate. They wish that they didn’t need to resort to overhearing their parents’ conversation to hear about their best friend’s life. Well, the girl who used to be their best friend, now they aren’t sure where they stand anymore. It’s not like they had planned on growing apart. They still cared for you. Now, it’s just… hard.

Jungkook wasn’t sure how to make sense of his emotions. Of course, the 8 of you had been best friends, but he was in love with you. He thinks that he had always loved you, even before he had realized it. But you moved away before he was able to fully understand that you were the love of his life and he would never be able to love someone else like he loves you. He’s not trying to be dramatic, he had a few girlfriends. It’s just that he quickly realized that none of them were you. You were across the ocean. Then, he remembers seeing an instagram post about an anniversary and decided that he needed to move on. You looked happy in the photo and he decided that he couldn’t threaten that by claiming that you were the love of his life. He couldn’t just barge into your life after abandoning you. It’s just, that he couldn’t get over you. How was anyone supposed to get over you?

“Maybe she’ll come to the event on Friday?” Seokjin wondered aloud. Hoseok’s family and your family were close. So, if you were back in town it made sense that you would be at the Jung family’s charity event. Your parents would be there. They just didn’t know how to prepare for seeing you. Were they supposed to act like nothing happened? Were they supposed to beg for your forgiveness and apologize profusely? It’s not like you had made an effort to maintain your friendship either. It was just… that life got busy. They would never hold that against you though. Your entire life changed. They were the ones that were supposed to keep your life stable, but they didn’t.

“I guess we will see in a few days.”

You sat in front of your vanity for a while because you couldn’t bring yourself to get up. You had already finished getting ready but you didn’t want to go down stairs because then you would have to see all the people that you had left. Your family had moved while you were in high school, but your parents moved back to Korea when you went to university. You had gotten a scholarship and didn’t want to waste it, so you stayed. It was one of the hardest decisions you had ever made. You didn’t know if you could live in the states without your family. But you were also in love, which made the decision easier though you would deny it.

You lived in the states for four years as you finished college. You had a masters program lined up but then everything went to shit— well everything was already shit, you just hadn’t realized it yet. You hated yourself for dropping out of the masters program. It had been one of the most competitive programs in the country and you just… left it. Even though you know it’s not your fault (a fact that your therapist made sure to remind you over and over until you could remind yourself), it feels like your fault. It feels like you gave up.

You blink away the tears. You had spent way to long on your make up to ruin it now. “Let’s get this over with” You mutter to yourself. You are already tired just thinking about the small talk.

To be honest, you hadn’t thought about seeing the boys. Of course they were your best friends, but now they weren’t. Unlike the boys suspected, you didn’t blame them. You had drifted away from them and you knew that they were pursuing their dreams. You would never let your problems hold them back. But that means you also hadn’t thought about seeing them. Ever since getting back you had been struggling, so no offense to the boys, but they weren’t really the priority.

You allowed yourself one deep breath before pushing the door open. The event was being held down stairs so you knew that you wouldn’t have much time to steel yourself once you left the room. You had to be prepared before you left.

The room was beautiful. It was like an extravagant ballroom fit for a gala. Hoseok’s family had gone all out this year. The doors at the back opened into a garden. You could see a beautiful water fountain out in the garden. You knew that you would spend most of the evening outside, hiding away from everything else. It’s not that you didn’t want to see anyone, it’s just that you had only gotten back a little more than a week ago. That’s not a lot of time to adjust to life in Korea again. Let alone, prepare for the Jung Family’s charity event, which was always an impressive event.

You didn’t see the boys until the event was almost over. You had been successfully hiding in the garden for most of the night. But the fountain was really beautiful so you decided to sit on one of the benches. Yoongi had seen you sitting there for a little while and decided that he had to consult the rest of his friends to decide what they should do. To decide how to approach you. What to talk about and which questions were good questions. How not to overwhelm you. They knew all of them going over at once would probably be overwhelming, but none of them would wait. They didn’t even play rock paper scissors to decide; the stakes were too high and no one wanted to risk losing.

Besides, if some people were forced to stay back, they would most likely end up watching from the bushes and that would be even more awkward when you inevitably noticed.

You looked up when you heard the footsteps approaching. Your eyes widened comically and the boys thought that you were about to begin a long rant about how everything was there fault. They really should have kept in touch just to save themselves the scolding. But you didn’t. You simply took two long strides and threw yourself into Jungkook’s arms. Jungkook easily caught you. Like the rest of them, he was surprised, but he didn’t dare not catch you. You felt Jin pat your head, ruffling your hair. You turned to glare at him, but kept your arms wrapped around Jungkook.

“Jia, it’s been so long. We’re sorry we didn’t keep in touch.” You simply waved Namjoon off, much to the boys surprise. “Life got busy.” You reply. That was the understatement of the year.

“We have plenty of time to catch up.” You reassure them, still clinging to Jungkook. Though you reluctantly pull away and put some distance between the two of you so you can hug the rest of the boys. Jungkook thought he felt physical pain when he let you go.

You always knew that Jungkook had a crush on you, and you thought it was adorable. Mostly because you thought Jungkook was adorable. When you left you had a crush on him too. The secretly-writing-in-your-diary, middle-school-love, innocent kind of crush. The one that you would never act on because it was too pure for this world. The love that you would hold on to when other boys broke your heart to prove that love really did exist. But then you had been in the States and Jungkook was here. You couldn’t let yourself be stuck on him. Then, you fell in love with another man and dreamed of marrying him and your children and a happy ever after. You dreamed of experiencing the love that you felt for Jungkook with another man. You should have noticed that first mistake, to think that that love could be replicated. None of those dreams worked out, but despite all of it, you never didn’t love Jungkook. He was your first love. Deep down, you think you’ve only loved Jungkook, but you aren’t ready to think too much about that yet.

So the rest of the night you keep your distance from Jungkook and catch up with the boys on what you’ve missed. You fill them in on some of what they’ve missed, but you decide to keep most of the shit show that is your life to yourself. It’s not that you think the boys would judge you, but some things you aren’t ready to admit out loud to anyone, not even in your room by yourself with no one else home.

When you leave the boys at the end to the night you all decide to meet the next morning at one of your favorite cafes. You used to go there multiple times a week when you all were still in high school, before you left of course.

You knew that today was going to be a hard day as soon as you woke up. The past week you had been full of energy and happiness, most of which you attribute to seeing the boys again for the first time and having your schedule packed with cafe hopping and catching up with their lives. But here you were, lying in bed with the covers pulled over your head, crying for no real reason other than that today sucks. It was only 9 in the morning. You were supposed to meet up with Jungkook, Jin, and Yoongi for brunch, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You wanted to curl up and die.

Are you being dramatic right now, of course. But that’s also the reality of life. Some days are harder than others. And today is one of those. Once your life went to shit and you realized the love of your life was not in fact the love of your life, there were a lot of hard days. You tried to power through them through sheer determination and will power, but quickly realized that you were too exhausted. You had been fighting to stay afloat for so long as your life tried to drown you, that you didn’t even have any fight left once you realized that you were being drowned in the first place.

It took you a while to realize, and accept, that somedays were slow days. The days when you let your self roll around in bed and cry without needing to feel guilty. The days when you ate all the chocolate in your apartment and didn’t change out of your pajamas. Honestly, there were a lot of those days.

It is admittedly harder to allow yourself those slow days when your back in Seoul, and when you have brunch plans in a couple of hours. But you are also well aware that you aren’t going to be able to show up for brunch in a few hours. It’s simply not something you have the energy to do and that’s okay. The boys will understand. They have to. If they don’t, and they aren’t able to accept this new, broken version of yourself, then you aren’t sure how your friendship will work. And you can’t lose them all over again. So, they have to understand that sometimes there are hard days and you won’t be able to make it to brunch.

You reach over to your nightstand to text the new group chat, with you and the boys. You send out a text about not being able to make it to brunch, you aren’t completely sure what to tell them and you don’t want to lie. You decide to leave it ambiguous and hope that they don’t read into it. When you sit up in bed and assess your situation, you think that your therapist would be proud of you. Recognizing your emotions. Setting boundaries. Communication.

You realize that, despite everything, you are proud of yourself.

Today’s slow day will start with a bath, you decide. And ordering pastries and coffee from your favorite cafe.

The boys are all gathered in Namjoon’s office reading your text, again.

“I’m sorry I can’t make it to brunch today. I’d love to reschedule tho. Some time later this week work?”

They had called an emergency meeting as soon as they had seen the text this morning, despite some of the boys working. They rearranged their schedules for it. They didn’t want to seem overbearing. You had just gotten back from the States. And they have been making plans with you constantly for the past week. Now that they think about it, it might have been a little overbearing. Okay, definitely overbearing.

There was something formal about your text that they couldn’t figure out. Hence the impromptu meeting. You didn’t make an excuses or claim that you were tired. You just said that you weren’t coming. Honestly, it stumped them. It made them feel like something was wrong. But they weren’t sure how to ask if something was wrong without being even more overbearing than they already were.

Hoseok had asked your parents where you were staying, claiming that they wanted to deliver some food for you. But they also didn’t want to intrude on your space. And you clearly wanted some space. They just also wanted to check on you. They needed to check on you. Ultimately, that was the deciding factor. The guilt of the past years was consuming them whole and they couldn’t bare the idea of you hurting in your apartment alone as they continued on with everyday life.

They decided on Jungkook heading over to your apartment to check on you. If anyone was going to get through to you, it’d be Jungkook. And if anyone needed to see you and make sure you were okay, it’d be Jungkook.

Jungkook got to your apartment before you had time to order from the cafe which would have been bad because you really wanted coffee and a chocolate croissant. But Jungkook brought coffee and a chocolate croissant.

You still made him sit on the couch until you had drank half the coffee. And he was happy to wait, he thought that you looked like you needed the coffee. It made Jungkook happy that he was the one to bring you the coffee.

You looked exhausted. He could see bags under your eyes but he couldn’t tell if they were from last night or it was the first time he was seeing you without makeup since you had gotten back. You were wearing a sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants that seemed to be swallowing you whole. You looked really comfortable. And cute. Like really cute, but in a way that made Jungkook want to pull you into his arms and cuddle with you for the rest of eternity kind of way.

“Why did you come?” You didn’t bother asking how he knew where you lived, you knew your parents would’ve provided the information easily. They adored the seven boys who both protected and comforted you throughout your childhood. Jungkook watches you with careful eyes considering your reaction. He doesn’t see any anger.

“You look exhausted.” Jungkook didn’t really mean to say that, but he couldn’t help himself. “Are you sleeping okay?” He is suddenly overcome with guilt. The boys had wanted to make up for the past, they had wanted to learn about your life without them, and they had wanted to share their lives with you. Suddenly, Jungkook wasn’t sure if that was the right choice. They should’ve let you settle in and get adjusted to life in Seoul, rather than drag you around where they wanted to go. They shouldn’t have pushed so hard.

You laugh a little, breaking Jungkook out of his mental spiral. Guilt can do that to you, especially when it’s a little misplaced.

“I am, but that’s why I’m in Seoul. Right?” Your voice is firm, but vulnerable. Jungkook wants to push because he wants to understand what that means. Were you not sleeping well in the States? When he looks into your eyes he sees a vulnerability that tells him not to push you. So, he holds his tongue and instead reaches over and pulls you closer into his side.

“Then let’s rest.” Jungkook doesn’t leave room for your protests. But when he glances down at you, he doesn’t think you were ever going to. You simply burrow into the couch more and suggest that Jungkook turn a show on.

By the end of the first episode, you are asleep and Jungkook is smiling.

This is what the boys should have been doing, even well you were so far away. They should have found a way to comfort you, even when you didn’t ask for it. Especially when you didn’t ask for it. They should have showed up for you, both metaphorically but also literally. Why hadn’t they ever visited you?

The next few weeks are slower. You and the boys still go to brunch and try as many new cafes as you can. You still learn about each other’s lives and introduce each other to the new parts of yourself. You can tell that they care. It’s just like how they used to be: a perfect mix of protective and caring while creating space for you to be the person you want to be.

There are moments, mostly in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, that you think about how they stopped reaching out after you went to the states. But even in those moments you scold yourself. Life was changing for all of you. You never wanted to blame them for your friendship falling apart.

More often than you would want to admit, you think about the man that you loved, the man who broke your heart and tore you apart. You wonder what the boys would have thought of you if they saw that. A part of you wanted them to rescue you. Another part of you was glad that they weren’t there. That they never saw how much power you gave to someone else and how he used it break everything you loved about yourself. He turned you against yourself.

You fell in love with a man who seems so perfect. It wasn’t until you had been dating for over a year and moved in together that you realized he wasn’t perfect. Rather he was an angry drunk. You knew that he was under a lot of stress with work and you liked to think that he loved you, but the more rational part of your brain also knew that you didn’t deserve to treated like that. No one did.

It’s a shame that it’s really hard to leave a relationship with someone who tells you that they love you. It’s really hard to leave a relationship with someone when you live with them and the rest of your family is an ocean away. And it’s really hard to leave a relationship when they apologize every time that they hurt you and promise that they will never do it again.

The longer you stayed, the harder it became. You started to think about how everyone would be disappointed that you hadn’t left the first time he put his hands on you. You started to think about how this is all your fault, and that you should have know better.

It wasn’t until you called a crisis text line in the middle of the night when he was on a work trip that you started to realize how wrong he was. You were under the blankets like someone was going to hear you. You didn’t tell them what was going on because you didn’t want it to be real, but it was the first time in years— since the boys— that someone just listened to you. That someone wanted to hear how you were doing and what they could do to help make life, even a little bit, easier.

After that call you started online therapy. It took a little bit until you found the right therapist for you, but when you did, you both just clicked. Within a few sessions you had spilled your story to her and despite all of your worries she didn’t blame you. She told you how strong you are. She told you that you were never the one to blame. She told you that he is the one at fault. Over the course of the following weeks she helped you move out and build a new foundation. She helped you reframed your thoughts so you weren’t blaming yourself for things that weren’t your fault and could recognize that no one should treat someone so horribly. That he is responsible for his actions. And possibly the hardest thing to recognize, that no matter what he told you what he felt for you wasn’t love. It was in those dark moments that you thought about Jungkook. You clung to those feelings and promised yourself that that was what love felt like.

And slowly, so slowly, you rebuilt your life. Then you moved back to Seoul because you couldn’t bear to be in the same city as that man. You never pursued any legal action, you were too exhausted. But you also knew that you’d likely be fighting a losing battle. You could tell your therapist wanted to hurt the man and see him in jail, but didn’t voice her opinions because ultimately they didn’t matter. Only your opinions mattered. You were the one who got to make decisions about your life.

Now back with the boys and in a city that you once loved, you are starting to feel better. You aren’t naive enough to think that your healed, in fact you think that you are broken, but you are no longer blaming yourself for being broken. There is something beautiful in being broken. At least that what you try to convince yourself.

You rush around your apartment, shoving things into closets and preparing for the boys who are coming in a few minutes. It will be the first time that all of the boys are coming over to your apartment together. You decided that you would host a dinner. It had been a month since you had gotten back to Seoul and you wanted to thank them for being there for you— even if they didn’t realize how much it meant to you.

When the door bell rings, you hesitate. You know it’s not true, but you can’t help but think that they will find something missing or think that you’re inadequate. You think that there will always be that little voice in your head that sounds like him. You shake your head and go to the door. You’d rather hear their voices.

Jungkook is standing there holding a bottle of wine. But Taehyung shoves the man out of the way at the last minute to pull you into a hug. Jungkook scowls and starts muttering threats. Hoseok slaps him on the shoulder before pulling you in for a hug, which makes you giggle. The boys immediately shut up and watch.

They love it when you laugh.

The dinner had been perfect and you were all sitting in front of the tv for a mario cart tournament when your phone rang. You didn’t think about it when you answered. That was your first mistake. You had gotten so used to the boys calling you. And if it wasn’t them it was probably your parents. They loved having you back in Seoul. They had missed you so much after they moved back to Seoul from the States.

“Jia.” His voice cut through the phone and it made you still. When you think back to this moment you won’t be able to help being a little disappointed in yourself. You had put so much work into getting better and into becoming stronger. Yet, all it took was one word to send you right back into that old version of yourself. The version that thought that what he felt for you was love. That’s what trauma does to you. No matter how much healing you do, you often can’t help some things from triggering you. You can’t always stop something having power over you. One day you will make sure that this man never holds any power over you, but until then you’ll always be scared of him.

The boys are so caught up in the race that they don’t realize. They will blame themselves for not realizing sooner, but how were they supposed to look out for something that they didn’t know was a threat.

You didn’t say anything, not to the boys and certainly not to him. Instead you stood up and shot the boys a little smile and walked to the balcony. You closed the door behind you and sunk into a chair. The boys that had seen the smile began to worry, it was their first warning, but they weren’t sure what to make of it. They weren’t sure how to help you.

“You left.” The anger in his voice startles you. It shouldn’t have. “You didn’t even say goodbye. I came home and you were gone. How could you do this to me!” You knew he didn’t actually want you to answer the question so you stayed quiet. You kept reminding yourself everything that your therapist had told you. You kept reminding yourself of everything that you told yourself in the mirror at night when the nightmares were particularly bad.

He was talking, but you weren’t listening. You hung up the phone. Even if you weren’t listening to him, you didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. There was a moment of panic after the line went dead that you were worried about what you had done. That you worried about what he would do to you. Then you looked around to remind yourself that you weren’t in the states anymore. You were in Seoul. He couldn’t hurt you anymore. You wouldn’t let him.

You started to laugh. It was a broken laugh that portrayed just how much that phone call had hurt you. The kind of laugh that screamed pain and trauma. But it felt so good. He had called you, ranting about who knows what, and you had just hung up. You hadn’t said a single word to the man and truthfully, he didn’t deserve anything. Despite all of the pain and knowing that the next few days were going to be hard days, you felt like you had taken back a little piece of your power. You had stripped him of his voice, just like he had taken yours. You had silenced him.

When the laughing stopped, the crying began. But this time it felt different. It didn’t feel like the world was ending, it felt like you were being reborn. You were mourning over something that had happened, rather than crying over something that was happening to you.

The boys sat there watching you cry. They had never felt so lost, so helpless. They wanted to fix it, but they didn’t know what happened or where to start. So they just stood there. Some of them were crying out of frustration and helplessness. Others had a heartbreaking, blank look to mask everything that they were feeling.

Yoongi turned to Jungkook. “Help her. Tell her that you love her and support her through whatever just happened.” Then he turned to the others and told them to get out. You didn’t need an audience. Besides, Jungkook would be able to help you.

If nothing else, Yoongi was sure of that. Jungkook would do anything you needed.

The boys shuffled out of the apartment, tossing worried looks in your direction, but when Yoongi leveled them with a glare they started moving. Some of them looked like they wanted to argue, but Yoongi again just glared at them and they accepted defeat. Yoongi is a difficult man to argue with.

Jungkook didn’t ask what was wrong. He wrapped you in his arms and took you inside. Then, he held you close until you stopped crying. By that time you were asleep and his shirt was wet. He held you close as you slept, afraid that if he let go you might start crying again. He held you close even after he fell asleep, his body intuitively knew that he never wanted to let go ever again.

When he woke up again, you were still asleep so he continued to hold you in his arms.

And when you woke up, you snuggled deeper into his chest. You felt him laugh which made you laugh too. “Are you okay?” His voice was deep, like he had just woken up and it made you want to look up and see what his hair looked like in the morning. But you stayed snuggled into his chest instead, not wanting to meet his eyes.

You nodded, but apparently that want enough for him because he pulled you up so he could see and asked again.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better.”You hesitated, but Jungkook could tell you wanted to say something so he stayed quiet and let you think. “I know that you want to know what happened, but I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“Okay.” He didn’t look mad and that made you relax a little. “But whenever you’re ready. Any of us would be privileged to hear. We’re all here for you.”

“Why do you care?” It’s not that you didn’t know. You know that Jungkook loves you. You know that you love Jungkook, but there was that part of you that would never believe him until he said it out loud. And despite everything that you had gone through you wanted to believe it.

You had mourned the girl who lost everything in the states. You had mourned the girl that believed love was apologies and flowers to make up for missing your anniversary rather than for your anniversary. So, you were ready to move on and experience everything that love actually was. Doesn’t mean it didn’t terrify you though.

“I love you.” Jungkook’s voice was strong. A true declaration. “And I know that you love me too.”

“I can’t Jungkook.” God, it was everything you wanted to hear, but it also hurt to hear it. Because you were selfish. You wanted Jungkook to love you because you wanted to experience that love. Yet you also weren’t sure if you could say it back despite how you felt. The last time you told a man that you loved him, he explained that you loved too much. That it felt suffocating and you needed to be less. When you had cried he kissed you softly and apologized for being too harsh, stating that he had forgotten how soft you were. It had been a sugarcoated insult, and one you hadn’t noticed at the time because you were so desperate for affection. You had wanted him to love you so much that you missed the toxicity underneath his false apologies.

Jungkook makes a distressed noise and holds you tighter as he watches you spiral. “I can’t.” Your voice cracked, but neither of you moved. You couldn’t bring yourself to move and Jungkook didn’t want to move until he understood what you were telling him, but his heart was breaking because of how broken you sounded.

“I don’t want to love anyone again. I’ve always gotten hurt. And…” You hesitated because it was painfully to recall the words that had been thrown in your face. “My love is a burden. I am a burden.” You tore your eyes away from Jungkook, finding the floor because you were too humiliated to look at him. So, you didn’t see the devastation that crossed his face. You didn’t see the tears that welled up in Jungkook’s eyes when he realized what you were saying. He could tell that a part of you believed it and that was utterly devastating to Jungkook, it felt like he had just gotten punched in the gut.

You tried to get out of Jungkook’s arm, but he just held you closer. You started to feel like you were drowning in your own selfishness. You wanted to hear this and yet now you can’t face it. You had practically begged him to say it. You’ve never hated yourself more.

Just moments earlier you thought that you were ready, but now that the moments come you don’t feel ready at all. It’s cruel, but its true. Everyone feels prepared until you’re faced with it. It’s easier to feel ready compared to actually being ready.

“You aren’t a burden.” Jungkook tilted your face up so that he could see your eyes. He wanted to make sure that you were hearing him. You had this unbelievably annoying tendency to avoid all reassurance because self doubt was easier. That’s something many people may not realize. Some people have struggled for so long that they have normalized all their negative thoughts and that they are too scared to deviate from their normal, even for reassurance.

It was one of the main things that you were working on with your therapist before you left to Seoul.

You search Jungkook’s eyes for doubt or malice or literally anything that will reaffirm your own belief that while the world is a cruel place, people are even crueler. Deep down you know that you wouldn’t find any, not with Jungkook. But a part of you wants to be able to see that Jungkook is lying because then you could make yourself walk away and protect your heart, even though it may be from love. But instead you are stuck here looking at him. You find that you are wanting to believe him. You want him to be telling the truth because you don’t want to feel sad anymore.

That scares you more than anything else.

“You aren’t a burden.” Jungkook repeats his words because he can tell that your mind is beginning to get distracted and he really wants you to hear him. His hands cradle your face, softly rubbing your cheeks as you look up at him. It’s like he think that if he touches you with enough softness it may weaken your defenses enough to see how to fix everything. Even though deep down, he knows that this isn’t something that he can simply fix for you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.

You don’t know what to say to him. You’ve never heard someone tell you that you aren’t a burden. You aren’t sure what is expected of you. But then again, you think that is what he is trying to tell you. That there aren’t any expectations. There is no right way to respond. All of your possible responses are right. So you take the leap of faith.

You press your lips to his, trying to say everything that you don’t know how to vocalize. You don’t know how to say what you are thinking. You don’t even know what you are thinking, but you trust that Jungkook will be able to get the message. And he does because one hand slips to your waist, holding you even closer. You hadn’t thought that was possible.

You break away first, a shy smile on your lips and flushed cheek. He loves how close you both are. He loves that he can see the vulnerability in your eyes. It’s the first time since you were children that you are letting him in.

“I love you.” Your voice is soft, but it holds this sharpness to it that lets him know how serious you are. You never thought you’d ever be able to say that again. It isn’t just a declaration to Jungkook, but it’s also your own little act of defiance to your past self who thought that you would never recover. It’s defiance to the last man to hold your heart. The man who no longer owns any part of your heart.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” You murmur, unable to prevent yourself from apologizing. Jungkook understands, so he simply kisses the apology away. “I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Loved You Once (WIP)

summary: Our MC, Jia, moves back to Korea after living abroad and reconnects with the boys, including Jungkook, the boy who has been in love with her since they were kids.

pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Named MC)

genre: angst, some fluff, healing

warning: (triggers -- please read them) domestic abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, implied physical abuse, trauma, depression, talk of mental health

"You always knew that Jungkook had a crush on you, and you thought it was adorable. Mostly because you thought Jungkook was adorable. When you left you had a crush on him too. The secretly-writing-in-your-diary, middle-school-love, innocent kind of crush. The one that you would never act on because it was too pure for this world. The love that you would hold on to when other boys broke your heart to prove that love really did exist."

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Soulmates <3

summary: Yoongi and our MC, Hani, meeting for the first time.

pairing: Yoongi x Reader

genre: soulmates, fluff

word count: 3.7 k

warning: fluff, almost sickeningly sweet, boyfriend Namjoon

Yeah, soulmates existed but you never thought you would find your soulmate.

It’s not because you were a complete pessimist, it’s just that most people don’t. Historians talked about a time where everyone meet their soulmate. It was like a rite of passage to meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Then, it was like the world just… moved on. We shifted away from this romanticized idea of love. We prioritized money, productivity, and success. But the problem was that not everyone can agree on how to define success.

As a teenager, school became your whole life. Then, when you finally did graduate, work became your whole life. There was this need to progress in life at the fastest pace possible. And if you didn’t complete everything how everyone else wanted, then you were failing. If you didn’t do well in school, go to a good university, and land a well paying job where you could work for the rest of your life, then you weren’t successful. It didn’t matter what you accomplished. It didn't matter how you felt about any of it.

In this new world that demanded toxic productivity and limited happiness, there was no room for soulmates. Not in the traditional way anyways. Some people still found their soulmates. But the magic of it all wore off. It didn’t seem special anymore. If anything, people who found their soulmates were lucky because of the convenience of it all. You found the one, so you could stop pretending to care about love.

Historians describe soulmates as a magic that can’t be contained. An all consuming feeling that can’t be fully described because it’s too many positive things all at the same time.

Personally, you think that no one can describe soulmates because that’s part of the magic that has worn off. It’s just another causality caught in the cross fire. The very idea of soulmates is slipping away. You wonder how long it will be until everyone forgets there were soulmates to begin with. It’s already started.

“Please… It’ll be fun. I promise” Minji is begging you to go to dinner with her friends. It’s not that you don’t want to go or don’t believe her. You do want to met her friends and boyfriend, Namjoon. It’s just that you don’t really like meeting new people. Well, you don’t really like social gatherings, or people for that matter, in the first place. You prefer a night in with a good book and some music.

But you had been dodging Minji’s attempts for a whole group hang out for over a month now and she was getting desperate. You were starting to feel bad. And it was a Friday night so you didn’t have classes in the morning. Plus she was almost in tears and looking up at you with puppy eyes. Really, you were doomed from the start.

“Just dinner.” You don’t think she was listening anymore, too busy nodding happily as she texted her boyfriend about the slight change of plans. She said that there were already going to be nine people, so adding another person last minute would be completely fine. She always complained that she was in desperate need of more women in their hangouts. It was only Minji and Sieun, Hoseok’s girlfriend.

She always called them “the boys.” Even though her boyfriend was one of them, he was simply lumped in with the rest of them. It always made you laugh how she talked about them as if they were one singular unit. They all seemed to exist together. It made you smile, but also you were a little nervous because you had no idea what to expect. You had no idea who they were. You hadn’t even met Namjoon yet. Nor did you know much about him, despite being friends with Minji for so long. All you did know was that they all go to Seoul’s National University too. But it was a big school, so even that didn’t mean much.

You didn’t even know their names, well, only Namjoon and Hoseok.

Needless to say, you were nervous on your way to dinner. You and Minji were taking the bus over to the restaurant together. You sat quietly, wondering what Minji’s reaction would be if you decided to fake an illness to get out of dinner. She would realize what you were doing, but you wonder if she might let you off the hook if she could tell how hard you were trying. Minji was talking to you a little, but mostly to herself. She was going on and on about how much the boys were going to love you. That they needed someone like you in their friend group.

That is, someone smart. Apparently the boys were a little dumb. Don’t get it wrong, they were smart, they just were also ‘the boys.’ You took her word for it because you didn’t really know what that meant. But you also did understand that boys tended to be a particular kind of dumb smart. So you wouldn’t put it past the seven men to be both smart and dumb at the same time. In fact, they probably were most of the time.

She also gave you a brief introduction of each of them so you didn’t have to stress about trying to figure it all out while you were eating.

The oldest Seokjin had graduated last year with a business degree and worked at a start up while also working as a TA at the university.

Then, Yoongi who also graduated with a business degree with Seokjin last year, but decided to double major. So, he is finishing a music production degree.

Namjoon’s a literature major, focusing on classics. It makes you smile because it makes sense why Namjoon and Minji would get along. You can already tell that you are going to like her boyfriend.

Hoseok’s a senior and Jimin’s a junior, but they are both majoring in dance. Their dream is to a run a studio together. It’s honestly pretty heartwarming.

Then Taehyung, who is studying photography. Apparently he has a couple minors because he could never make up his mind about what to study and now has all of these extra credits and hobbies that he doesn’t know what to do with.

Finally, the maknae, Jungkook who apparently is your stereotypical ‘gym bro.’ That in itself makes you a little nervous. But he is studying graphic design instead of getting a business degree so it gives you hope. Minji says that Jungkook is a literal bunny, whatever that means.

Sieun greets you both at the entrance to the restaurant, having just gotten there herself. You had meet Sieun a few times when she’d eat lunch with you and Minji sometimes. She’s like a little ray of sunshine. Honestly, it’s adorable. You found yourself wanting to squish her checks together all the time.

“I’m so glad you are here.” Sieun, ever the princess, said brightly. “There are too many men, we need more women in the group.” She sighed hopelessly. Minji was quick to voice her agreement which made you burst out laughing. You think that you are really going to like this friendship. And its always great to have girl friends. There is something special about it.

It was a higher end KBBQ restaurant. So even though you could tell it was more expensive you didn’t feel underdressed. It felt homey which helped you relax a little but you were nervous walking to the table. You could see seven men sitting at a table in the back. It was not completely private, but farther in the back offering some privacy for your large group.

You assume that Namjoon was the first to see you because a tall man jumped up from his seat to hurry over and wrap Minji in a hug. Despite his large frame, you could already tell he was a teddy bear. You think you already like him, but had to put on the front of a protective best friend. Once he let go of Minji he turned to greet you, bowing politely.

“Haneul, right?” You nod, returning his bow. It felt pretty formal but you appreciated the gesture. You think Minji found a good man. “Hani is fine.” You say diplomatically while Minji stifles a laugh beside you, amused by your antics. Like she would be any different.

You turn towards the other men, intending to offer each a smile and expecting an awkward introduction back. But after the first awkward smile, you freeze. A man is looking back at you. He has cat-like eyes and dark hair. He looks so pretty. You aren’t sure how else to describe him, just pretty. You think that your brain might be malfunctioning a little because you aren’t able to form any words. Honestly, the man isn’t doing much better. He also is just staring back at you, mouth slightly agape.

Its only after the initial shock that you realize why you both are frozen. You are soulmates. You had never expected to meet your soulmate. You hadn’t planned for this. Judging by his expression, you don’t think he had either. No one does anymore. So, you aren’t completely sure how to react. You don’t know what is expected of soulmates the first time they meet each other.

Everyone else is watching the two of you in confusion, but neither of you even realize because you are both too preoccupied with just staring at each other. You think you could be happy staring into his eyes forever.

“You’re my soulmate.” The man finds his voice before you do. He states it so matter of factly, his voice void of emotions. Part of you understands his tone, you relate to his tone. But the other part of you cringes. Is it bad to wish that his voice held more emotion? Is it bad to wish that he cared?

You nod, suddenly unsure of yourself. God, you want the ground to swallow you whole. Why had you let Minji convince you to meet her friends. You could be at home right now instead of in the restaurant meeting your soulmate.

It’s not that you have something against soulmates or you don’t want a soulmate at all. It’s just that you don’t know what is expected of a soulmate. You didn’t expect to meet your soulmate so you hadn’t considered what you did want. Obviously, you are an overthinker. You like to have everything planned out before you need to make a decision. You don’t like surprises because it makes you feel out of control. This is a surprise and, right now, you definitely feel out of control.

You can feel your eyes begin to fill with tears. You play with your sleeves behind your back to try to stop your hands from shaking but it isn’t working because you can still feel them shake. You blink a few times to make sure you don’t start crying. God, you really don’t want to cry; that would be a mess. How would you even explain why you are crying to your soulmate. That is, if they even wanted to know in the first place. You are vaguely aware of just how much you are overthinking right now, but can’t seem to stop yourself.

Your soulmate’s words broke everyone else out of their spell. The man next to your soulmate pushed the man towards the end of the booth, muttering something about how he has to do something and how you look scared.

You don’t look scared. Right?

Your soulmate stands up and takes a hesitant step towards you. When you don’t move he approaches cautiously. “I’m Yoongi.” “Haneul” Your voice shakes which contrasts Yoongi’s voice which stays steady despite the emotion now on his face. You can see him struggling to say something, but you don’t know how to read his emotions. They are so clearly on his face, but its difficult to decipher. Maybe its the tears clouding your vision. You wonder if Yoongi even knows what he, himself, is feeling.

“Haneul” Yoongi repeats. You don’t think he was actually talking to you so you don’t respond. You don’t even know what you would say to him. You nod. “Hani” You end up saying. “Everyone calls me Hani” You clarify when he doesn’t speak. You open your mouth to say something else. What exactly? You aren’t sure. But Yoongi beats you to it when he repeats your name. Again. He smiles and for the first time. You feel butterflies, the good kind.

“Why don’t you two eat together? We can meet later.” The man who had ushered Yoongi to stand up earlier says with a smile. It’s a nice smile. It makes you feel like he cares about you. Minji really does have good friends. You glance at Minji and she smiles and nods encouragingly. She looks like she might burst with energy. Minji is slightly bouncing up and down like a toddler that ate too much candy. Namjoon is standing next to her. He is looking between Minji and you like he might need to step in and hold Minji back from hugging you.

You look at Yoongi who is looking at you with hopeful eyes. It’s the first emotion you can easily read. You don’t think you would be able to turn him down when he is looking at you like that, even if you didn’t want to eat with him. You nod quickly which makes him smile even wider. His smile is this gummy smile that makes your heart clench. You decide that you love his smile.

You and Yoongi move over to another booth for some privacy. You are just far enough away that the others won’t be able to hear you, but they still have a clear view which makes you shift nervously. You can tell that all of them are watching you and Yoongi carefully. Yoongi seems calm which is good because you are anything but calm. You need some calm. Maybe this whole soulmate thing had some merit to it. Maybe Yoongi will be able to balance you out. The thought makes you a little dizzy. If Yoongi balances you out by giving you some peace to your racing mind, you hope that you can balance him out in some way too.

You send him a shy smile, trying to see what Yoongi could possibly need help balancing out. He blushes. Like he actually blushes.

You knew the myth behind soulmates. It was said that your soulmate was your other half. They were like your missing puzzle piece. That they completed you. Obviously it was a nice thought. Doesn’t everyone want to meet their person? Someone who just completes you and makes all the worries go away. So of course soulmates sound pretty good. But the problem is that soulmates don’t promise anything. Back when soulmates were really popular, people would find their soulmate and fall in love, but still get their heart broken. Love between soulmates isn’t set in stone, you still need to put effort into your relationship.

Relationships are never easy, even with the perfect person, your other half. Your soulmate.

You think it is naive for people to think that soulmates would fix that. But for most, they want an easy love. They want all the perks of being in a relationship without the work. So the magic of soulmates began to fade. Simply people stopped valuing relationships and instead wanted ease, but nothing in life is easy, especially the things worth fighting for. And you can already tell that Yoongi is worth fighting for.

“Here” Yoongi begins to place cooked meat into your bowl of rice. You had been so caught up in your own head that you hadn’t even realized he had been grilling meat. You send him a shy smile that makes his eyes light up. You feel satisfied. You have always cared about people and put so much into making other people happy, but there is something special about making Yoongi happy.

“I never thought I’d meet my soulmate.” He leans back in his chair, giving you his full attention. In the best way possible, it makes you really nervous. There is something so unique about being watched by Yoongi. It is like he is truly seeing you and you aren’t sure you have ever felt so vulnerable with anyone. “I gave up.” You admit in a soft voice that makes Yoongi melt. You see it in the way that his eyes soften.

“People used to plan their lives around soulmates and now people give up their soulmates for whatever life they already have. It's like they are so scared of disappointment that they won't let themselves wish for the mere possibility of something better.” Yoongi’s voice is really nice. You wonder if he would consider recording an audiobook. He has the voice for it. “But… I’ve always dreamed of meeting my soulmate.” Yoongi’s confession makes your eyes snap up to his. A part of you wants to hide, worrying that you won’t be able to meet his expectations. On the other hand, the look of kindness in his eyes makes you think that he may just be a kind man. So, you find yourself wanting to trust him.

“Relationships aren’t easy. Soulmates don't guarantee anything.” You voice shakes a little bit and you hope Yoongi doesn’t realize but based on how closely he is watching your face you bet he does. He nods quickly.

“You jumped to relationship quickly” His eyes look playful as he watches you, so you know that he is teasing you. Briefly, you realize that he is trying to make you feel more comfortable. It’s working. “Oh? No relationship is fine for me too.” You keep your voice light so he knows that your teasing him and not serious. You are also fighting a smile that you know he can see.

Yoongi fights off his own smile as he watches your eyes shine. You look happy and it makes him happy. “Wait.” His voice comes out strained and it makes your heart skip a beat. “Relationship sounds good. Great actually.” He talks quickly as he watched you smile as his words. God, he would do anything to keep that smile on your face.

You breakout into a fit of giggles and it has him stopping. It’s like Yoongi’s whole world stops in that moment. He finally understands what all the historians are talking about. He doesn’t know how he thought that he was happy before because it’s in this moment that he realizes he will never be happy again if you aren’t in his life. He doesn’t know how he could go back to his normal life if he you left him. It is in this exact moment that Yoongi realizes that despite just meeting you, he would do anything for you.

He is already writing a album in his head. He wonders if it would be to bold to title it “Hani.”

“Relationship sounds good to me too.” Your voice is shy and it makes Yoongi want to wrap you in his arms and shield you from everything that could ever hurt you. You are too precious for this world.

The others watch the two of you from their table. They aren’t able to hear anything, but they don’t need to because they can see the big smiles on both of your faces. Neither of you have stopped smiling since you sat down together. “I’ve never seen Yoongi look like that” Jin states. The others simply nod, keeping their eyes on you and Yoongi. They don't want to blink and miss a part of your love story.

“They’re already in love.” Minji hasn’t stopped smiling since she heard the word soulmate. Minji has always loved the idea of soulmates. While she and Namjoon have been in a relationship for years now and she is absolutely in love with him, she has always loved the idea of soulmates. The idea that there is someone else out there that is meant for you. Someone that is your other half. Out of the two best friends, Minji is the romantic.

So now that you and Yoongi are soulmates, Minji is ready to live out her dreams of seeing soulmates fall in love. Many best friends might be jealous, but Minji loves you so much. She also knows Yoongi.

Unlike most people, Yoongi has always held out hope that he would find his soulmate. He has a file on his laptop of songs dedicated to his soulmate and love of his life. He hadn’t even met you yet and he was already in love. Minji knows that Yoongi is going to love you in the best way that he can. He is going to pour everything into your relationship. He would do anything to make you happy. To make you smile. To protect you.

Minji is overwhelmed with happiness. She feels so lucky that she gets to witness you be loved by someone like Yoongi. Minji also knows that while you are scared of love, you give everything you have to your relationships too. You and Yoongi are alike in that way.

You don’t have many friends, a fact that you aren’t ashamed to admit. You don’t have many friends because you value friendship so much more than most people. When you commit to a relationship, platonic or romantic, you give everything to it in order to maintain it. You understand how much work it takes to maintain a relationship, so when you commit you hold yourself to a high bar.

Minji isn’t sure if there is anyone better out their for either of you, you both seem to fit together perfectly. But that is the whole idea of soulmates, right? That you complement each other completely. She wipes a tear from her eye which catches Namjoon’s attention. Ever the attentive boyfriend. He reaches over to grab Minji’s hand, knowing that quiet reassurance goes a long way.

“I’m so happy that I get to witness their love.” Minji’s voice holds so much emotion in it. Namjoon smiles at his emotional girlfriend. He is so in love with her, its almost overwhelming to look at her.

“He is going to love her so much.” Minji smiles back at Namjoon.

“He already does.”

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Soulmates <3

summary: Yoongi and our MC, Hani, meeting for the first time.

pairing: Yoongi x Reader (Named MC)

genre: soulmates, fluff

"He doesn’t know how he thought that he was happy before because it's in this moment that he realizes he will never be happy again if you aren’t in his life. He doesn’t know how he could go back to his normal life if he you left him. It's in this exact moment that Yoongi realizes that despite just meeting you, he would do anything for you."

[honeylemonteaasblog]

About Me :)

I want to write more. So, this is me trying.

Yoongi Biased. Hobi bias wrecks me everyday tho...