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“He only loves me when I’m happy, when I make him feel like a man, smiling cheek to cheek, giving all that I am. But when I break into pieces, smaller than sand, he lets me slip through his fingers, and I’m alone again.”

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“Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul?”

— Haruki Murakami

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“Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you have the right to be cruel.”

— Unknown

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Unfortunately I don’t wanna be close to anyone anymore sorry.

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“The problem was she wanted to be loved so badly she couldn’t tell it wasn’t love.”

Leo Christopher

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“Being in a healthy relationship is so much harder than a toxic one. This is me in real time having to walk away from a conversation because I was disassociating and he was just trying to have healthy communication. In my past, I will stare at the wall while my ex begged me to tell him what was wrong for hours and that was because I didn’t feel like my thoughts were safe with him or validated. So this is me trying to be healthier mentally. One day at a time. When he’s the right one, you know what you need to do. It’s fight or flight and I don’t want to travel right now.”

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“My eyes hurt from staring at a screen trying to forget the memories. My legs hurt from running through empty streets trying to forget all the nights you slept in my sheets. My hands hurt from trying to distract myself in the pages of a book. I’ve been hoping to forget your smile and the way you look.”

Courtney Peppernell

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are you seeing anyone currently?

Currently I’m not seeing anyone. My journey right now is on healing and learning how to love myself again.

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We don’t speak anymore because he made me feel crazy for wanting the bare minimum and destroyed me emotionally when I had to watch him change from the sweet man he once was to a man who only cared about himself. Then he disappeared from my life completely in a split second.

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Someone tell me how to accept the fact that, that version of them I had fallen in love with will never come back. They’ll never love or care for me the way they once did. My tears don’t hurt their heart anymore. The cracks in my voice don’t make their head drop anymore. My silence doesn’t drive them insane. All that love is just gone now…

I can’t seem to accept this

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“I stayed longer. Longer than I should have. Trying to teach you how to love me. When I didn’t even know what that meant.”

becoming.

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“I will not think less of myself just because you do not know how to love me.”

— Unknown

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Whenever I would miss you, I would look at all the photos and videos I had of you. Looking back at all the memories we’ve made together would make me the happiest person in the world. Now looking back at those makes me question if it was all even real or not. Was your smile real in that photo? Did I actually make you laugh in that video? Did you actually feel something when you looked into my eyes? Did you actually love me or did you love the idea of me?

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The truth is, when we first started talking I instantly knew I wanted to make you permanent in my life. When I heard your voice, I got put at ease, or when you texted me, I got these butterflies in my stomach. The thought of you being all mine just made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world.

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“He loved me enough to undress me but never enough to hold me, to caress me, to treat me kindly, to protect me. And that’s where the idea of love got lost for me.”

The Breaking & the Blooming

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the right one will stay, trust me

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There are days where I tell myself I’m over you, I have this passion to forget everything, move on and never deal with you again. Then there are nights where I’m still on you. I remember everything.