hypothermicfaggot

[hypothermicfaggot]

Ah yes. My brand new game. Step 1: close the bathroom door Step 2: guess which fluffy creature came to join me Step 3: turn on light

You'd think there's only two options, but there is four. Option 1: 🧡 🖤 🤍 Option 2: 🖤 🤍 Option 3: 🧡 🖤 🤍 + 🖤 🤍 Option 4: ;-;

[hypothermicfaggot]

[hypothermicfaggot]

My girlfriend's wife almost beat my ass with a cane lol.

[hypothermicfaggot]

Being dragged into the middle of the woods to be shown a shallow grave and two corpses was a lot more fun than one would think.

[hypothermicfaggot]

auto suggest bewilders me

[hypothermicfaggot]

"hey, who left their pickle on the counter?"

"I dunno. Hey Robbie! You wanna eat a-"

"DO NOT! THAT LITTLE SHIT DOESN'T HAVE IMPULSE CONTROL! I LIVED WITH HIM! I WATCHED HIM EAT A HAMBURGER OFF THE SCHOOL LAWN ONCE!"

Me, who was just trying to eat my lunch: "I don't even like pickles..."

[hypothermicfaggot]

@starweird-uwu this is how you obtain a bedazzled booty hole. It's why I said unplug me

If I'm on life support, unplug me.

The doctors don't need to see my bedazzled booty hole.

[hypothermicfaggot]

If I'm on life support, unplug me.

The doctors don't need to see my bedazzled booty hole.

[hypothermicfaggot]

[hypothermicfaggot]

Meet my Taco Whore

I love her so much

[hypothermicfaggot]

We need to preserve their snodesty (snake modesty)

Bro why did you censor the snake's cloaca on the snake anatomy post??? It's a snake?

I didn't censor anything, what -

oh. Oh, no. That's meant to be a line to show where the tail begins. Oh no, now I look like some weird prude.

Yeah, that's meant to help people grasp the anatomy and visualize how small the tail is in relation to the torso. Not meant to be some kind of weird snake privacy screen

[hypothermicfaggot]

[hypothermicfaggot]

You know you have the ability to

Fuck off

Right?

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

[hypothermicfaggot]

Why? It wasn't that bad. I did exactly that two weeks ago. Granted, I smoke Marlboro reds, so it could be a difference in brand

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

[hypothermicfaggot]

Ok.

Weirdest fucking dream I just had during a 3 hour nap

- my roommate's brother dumped a geriatric Bassett hound on us, that I then had to deal with.

- the federal government bought our apartment building. Military showed up and started plastering posters saying "all non white, cripples, and non Christians get out."

- We were going to be homeless, but then a ginger soldier (second lieutenant btw) I hooked up with a few times for rent bought my specific apartment. He then let us stay in the apartment for half the rent ($130 a month)

- I got into a road rage fight by taking someone's parking spot after they took mine more than once. He then pointed out my flat tire as a "gotcha moment", but it was a 5th tire just... Connected to the passenger side back door of my car. My car also just.. fell apart. Like, the doors and hood and whatnot were just falling off. Then someone stole the seats so I strapped my wheelchair to the driver's seat spot.

- I tried to join a theater group that was playing the My little pony, friendship is magic fake musical filly of the hills.

- someone on FetLife messaged me laughing about how I ironically tagged myself as an omega. I then agreed to go out with him. During said date, he started being creepy. We were in a crystal shop and I was scared. So I jumped in a side room and asked for protection crystals.

- the shop owner then grabbed a piece of tiger's eye prism tower the size of a dildo and proceeded to stab my date to death

- his ghost THEN posted about me on Facebook in a public group about how I was "a pathetic little omega who's wet for anyone with a knot and a cocktease to betas like him"

I was then woken up with McDonald's

[hypothermicfaggot]

School bus floor pizza: in 10th grade someone found a pizza slice on the floor of the bus. He held it up and offered $150 to anyone who ate it.

A comprehensive post of the shit I really shouldn't have eaten

Hallways drugs: aspirin bottle that I thought had Tylenol but was in fact acid

Parking lot alcohol: hard Mikes I found in a parking lot (two bottles in the six pack was closed)

Wall doughnut: doughnut I found on a wall (weirdly decorative, so shelf's) outside

Engine cookie: cookie I found in the engine bay of my car two weeks after it was left there

Laundry room cheese: American cheese left in the laundry room

Playground slide strawberries: strawberries in a Starbucks cup that I found on a slide in a children's park

Grass onion: onion I found in the grass on a college campus and ate like an apple

Cocaine coffee: coffee at work that had been there for 3+ years that tasted nasty and turned out to have cocaine mixed in

[hypothermicfaggot]

I cannot express the joy I feel rn

The local cripple got his wheels!!

(I obtained a decent wheelchair)