iaka-linksar

[iaka-linksar]

No one realized that I had become insane; when I recovered nobody could tell the difference.

Dazai Osamu, “Toys” from Dazai Osamu: Selected Stories and Sketches

[iaka-linksar]

I can’t even decipher which people are admirable and which are evil. I can’t help thinking that the ones with the sad faces look very admirable. Ah, we’re all so lamentable. Humans are a sorry lot.

Dazai Osamu, A New Hamlet

[iaka-linksar]

[Otome game] OverRequiemZ - Ramblings

This isn't really a review, but more of a jumble of my impressions and thoughts over what I played of OverRequiemZ. This will be full of spoilers, so don't read ahead if you don't want to be spoiled about the game.

As usual, I'm not a completionist, so I didn't bother playing all the routes (especially since the ones I played were mostly pretty mid). Thus, I'll only talk about (and judge (¬ ¬ ) ) what I played.

Kaize Fact ✅ Dark ✅

Claude Fact Dark

Molly Fact Dark ✅

Noil Fact Dark  ± ✅

Dorothy Fact Dark

First Kaize... Where do I even start lol. I won't say I'm disappointed since I wasn't really expecting anything, but... His route still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Imo he was the most good-looking member of the cast by far (why aren't there more black-haired lis out there (≖︵≖) ). It was also my first encounter with his seiyuu Azakami Youhei (and I was so charmed by his voice that I'm now hesitating to buy Money Parasite just for him (*/_＼) ). Needless to say the voice acting was the best part of the route.

I played Kaize's fact route first, and it was just dumb reveals after dumb reveals + the plot desperately trying to make me cry about Kaize by showing 534682 randomass pnj charas calling him a monster.

Overall, Kaize was so emo. So so so emo. God I thought I would never reach the end of his fact route because of how utterly indifferent I felt towards his misery.

Usually, I don't like emo boys. (This might come across as surprising (?) given the way I write Dazai in my fanfics, but I don't consider the way I write Dazai to be emo. Or at least, it isn't meant to be an emo that very badly wants the reader to cry and pity the character.) What I usually dislike about emo characters is that most of the time, they're written as this super sad and pitiful chara who didn't deserve what happened to him and is completely defined by the fact he is A POOR BOY. Sigh.

And here, once again, the writing didn't do Kaize any favor. Like no, it's not because I ran into 17 random villagers, soldiers and children calling him a monster that I will feel sorry for him. It doesn't work like that. By the way, the number of times the word "monster" is used in this game is ridiculous. If you don't know the word 化け物, trust me, you will learn it with this game.

And the brother plot... I have no words to describe how much I despised the brother plot. "So hello, I'm the villain of the route. And I'm actually Kaize's dead brother, whom I cared very much about (despite everyone fearing him because of his black hair — and do I even go on about how stupid this whole black hair fear ordeal is, because hair dying techniques already existed in antiquity mind y— ), but since my hate for everything and everyone is so deep, I'm going to tell him I was afraid of him all this time and call him a monster. But in the end, I'll go back to my kind self and tell him I actually loved him because he is my little brother uwu" (눈_눈) No. Just no.

At some point, he was calling Kaize a demon when he had demon wings himself. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM (ノ°益°)ノ (And I know the whole point of this was to point at how ironic the situation was, but the way it was written just made the whole scene ridiculous.) Anyway, I'm barely scraching the surface of how badly written this character is because I could produce 10 other paragraphs about him, so I'll just stop here to keep this post from being a total rant lol.

Let's talk about things I liked instead. In Kaize's fact route, there were a total of 2 scenes I liked. The one where Yuhiru asks Kaize what he wants, and he answers he wanted to be loved by his mother, admired by his father, and appreciated by his brother. This was probably the only time when Kaize very simply said he just wanted to be loved without talking about all this monster bullshit.

The second one was the moment when Kaize said he didn't want to kill the demon who led his father to death because he wanted to avenge his father. It was because he wanted the recognition of his people, and the admiration of his father. Like omg, some character development, can you expand on that please. Don't let this be a random line thrown in the final battle for no reason, please don't brush it off, pl— It doesn't work well when I beg a game to be good.

So basically, I felt nothing while playing this route, and the plot trying to make me sob about poor little lonely Kaize made everything worse.

After dragging myself through Kaize's fact route, I went into his dark route with 0 expectation apart from good voice acting.

I have to admit it started well (at least, as well as it can do with an overall one-dimensional chara). I liked how Kaize started getting dependent on Yuhiru. Too bad Yuhiru didn't grow dependent on him as well. Instead, we got the standard yandere development. Which wasn't too bad I guess. I even liked the overall idea of the route (being Kaize doing everything he could to have Yuhiru by his side, but Yuhiru just staying because she's afraid of him, and in the end, Kaize was still this lonely being despite having Yuhiru next to him).

The "dream" end wasn't bad either. I guess I just like codependency plot better than yandere plot. I would've been really happy if that route had gone down the codependency path, but that's how it is.

Overall, my only real complaint about the dark route is that the game doesn't do great when trying to make you care about its characters, so I didn't feel anything while reading it.

Soooo about Molly's dark route. I actually enjoyed it for the most part. The quest chapters were fine — even though it failed (like every other ones) to make me attached to the character. I even really enjoyed the beginning of the dark route when they grew codependent on each other. That part with her fainting regularly was really well done, and I was actually surprised when I learned the truth.

I thought Yuhiru learning about her own trauma, then forgetting about it again, would've been a great spot to end the route, but of course they had to go further and make Molly even more yandere. Also, for some reason, when Yuhiru becomes aware of her own trauma, she doesn't get more traumatized but instead actually recovers some lucidity??? That was weird.

I won't talk very long about all the stuff going on with the eyeballs, because that ended up being quite ridiculous. You know, when you read that very very trashy idea that's just too trashy and gore to be taken seriously. (I mean, okay, there are probably very weird people out there who would decorate their room with eyeballs in bottles, but would there be that many that a freaking eyeballs traffic is born?) Well, whatever, that's probably just the game trying to be edgy and dark.

Onto Noil, now. I don't have a lot of things to say about him. His quest chapters were boring and dull. At this point, I was too bored to even pretend to care and took forever to get to his dark route. Also, I can't take a guy named Yuujin seriously. Like really, Yuujin? Like 友人? And he's his best friend? I sure didn't see this coming.

After I played dark 6, I got even more bored (especially since Otomate spoiled their own plot twist with a promo cg (○ ｀ｰ´)○☆)ﾟoﾟ)/ ) then, I fell sick and was dead beat for a week. Then... I didn't have the energy to pick the game back, so I just left Noil there lfskdfjsdk

Poor Noil, he probably didn't deserve that, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to care about anything in his route.

Imo, OverRequiemz is a very mid game. There is yandere and trash content, but it sure would've been better if I cared about the characters.

It had potential tho. I really liked the choice concept, with choices that don't matter, choices who give you a voice line in the menu, and only two choices that decide the path you get on. Unfortunately, the choices that were supposedly important didn't feel that meaningful. I thought I'd get a choice that would be difficult to make, that would make room for character development. Instead, I just got standard otome choices.

The soundtrack was pretty mid as well. The bgms sound pretty, but I don't feel any emotions from them. There were 2 soundtracks that I really liked tho.

廃墟の深層 was great, especially when used when that interdimensional crack opened and red snow fell. The atmosphere was very ethereal and mystic.

タイトル was a great menu music. Very soft and gentle.

On the bgm topic tho, that fucking 悲しみと許し violin music can go to hell. Aweful.

Overall, OverRequiemZ felt like a checklist game with no soul:

Chapter 1 : slice of life stuff ✓

Chapter 2 : slice of life stuff with some reveals about li's traumatic past with sad violin music ✓

Chapter 3 : slice of life stuff with a romantic scene ✓

Chapter 4 : more reveals about li's traumatic past with even more sad violin music ✓

Chapter 5 : action scene with a randomass choice at the end ✓

Chapter 6-9 fact : dumb reveals with even moooooore sad violin music ✓

Chapter 10 fact : final battle with cool battle cg ✓

Chapter 6-8 dark : mc and li growing kind of codependent on each other ✓

Chapter 9-10 dark : li getting yandere af because of mc suddenly isn't so dependent on him anymore for ??? reason ✓

If I had to summarize my opinion on OverRequiemZ, it would be "I DON'T CARE." Or, as we say in French:

[iaka-linksar]

Rereading The Heartless Cur for a post I'm planning and there is a lot of stuff I'd totally forgotten

Like the fact that Dazai offers to give Akutagawa and Gin enough money to live comfortably and to leave them alone if Akutagawa doesn't want to join the mafia

At first, Akutagawa had pegged him as a demon. That was wrong. This man, this Dazai, was something beyond even that. "Listen. If you turn down my invitation, I won't hate you for it. Even if you refuse it, I'll gladly give your friends a proper burial here, and I'll give you and your sister enough money to eke out a proper existence. And once I do, you will never see me again, I promise you." Though his voice was quiet, it seemed to thunder down the forest road, causing the branches framing it to quiver. "But if you think you have the mettle for it, I will gladly grant you what you seek. The path will not be easy. I have no intention of going soft on you, you understand. What you'll be facing will make your life on the streets look like a trip to the fair. But if you have the mettle for it…" Now Dazai's eyes were close to his. And even at that range, they were unfathomable. They could see all. No god or demon could escape them. And they revealed nothing, not even a hint of what he would say next. "Is there something you want?" he asked.

This is important because It reinforces the fact that to join the mafia was a choice that Akutagawa made, and the next part shows why thats even more heatbreaking

Akutagawa's heart answered the question automatically. What he wanted. What he craved. What he could never, ever obtain in this pit he called home. Akutagawa managed to push the words from his parched throat: "Can you give me…a reason to live?"

"I can." The moment he heard the answer, Akutagawa felt a new emotion running through him. If that hatred from before was the first clear emotion he had ever felt in his life, this was the second. Compared to the hatred, however, this was entirely unexpected, far beyond his wildest imagination. A master. He had a master "Well?" Dazai asked. this young man, this god, this demon. Instead of replying, Akutagawa shouted a scream that pierced the night mist and stabbed at the heavens themselves. It was a missive, a eulogy, for all his friends who had died without obtaining a master of their own, a reason to live. The Silent Mad Dog, the soulless automaton of a boy, screamed with more force at that moment than an ordinary man summoned in his entire life. Dazai smiled. "Glad to hear it." He stood up, removed his overcoat, and draped it over the shoulders of the now bawling Akutagawa. It was the first infant cry from Ryunosuke Akutagawa-a boy who a four scant years later, would become chief of the Port Mafia's vanguard force, a hunting dog doing the dark bidding of the boss himself.

Akutagawa didn't join the mafia because he had no choice, he joined because he wanted to find a reason to live. The exact same reason that Dazai joined.

[iaka-linksar]

How BSD flips power fantasy on its head

One of my favourite things about BSD and it's power system is that "stronger" characters are often much worse off than weaker ones.

Abilities aren't some power fantasy that makes their users lives better, in fact those with the strongest abilities tend to suffer the most because of them.

This is a rule baked into the ability power system, we are given a set of "rules" for ability users in the untold origins but the one that sticks out to me most is this:

Skills do not always make the possessor happy.

Think of the bsd characters with the most powerful abilities and how they have affected their lives.

Chuuya: Probably the strongest combat ability user alive right now, but his ability led him to be manipulated and used first by the sheep, then by the mafia. In stormbringer we see how badly Chuuya wishes he had no ability, that he was just a regular kid like the Sheep.

Yosano: Her ability is insanely strong; she is probably one of the most useful ability users on the planet and is a big part of how the ADA can stand a chance against much larger groups. But her ability was exploited, and she was forced into a horrific position where the lives of those near her became cheap.

Q: Incredibly dangerous ability which led to them being imprisoned for years by the Mafia and then put through horrible torture by the Guild.

Fukuchi ability made him the ultimate soldier, which meant he not only had to watch al his comrades die around him, but he was also used as to commit unspeakable evils for the sate of the state which eventually drove him to form the Decay of Angels.

Akutagawa: His skill is incredibly strong, able to cut through anything physical even space itself, but that power lead to him being conditioned by Dazai into a living weapon who had no value unless he killed and whose worth was tied to his usefulness to the mafia.

Lucy, Kyouka, Sigma, Atsushi, Mushitaro… and tons more characters were all exploited for their abilities, either through force or manipulation.

And it��s not just abilities, there is also a running theme of the smartest characters in the series suffering debilitating loneliness because of their inability to connect with other people. Characters like Dazai, Ranpo and Shibusawa are all shown at one point or another to be unable to relate to other people making them feel alone.

Dazai concluded that the problem was in him and that there was no point in continuing to live. Ranpo nearly fell into believing that the whole world hated him and if Fukuzawa had not saved him he might have ended up similar to Fyodor.

Shibusawa decided that normal humans were inferior to him and became obsessed with finding something that could surpass his own mind.

We don’t know what is going on with Fyodor but I’m 100% sure it is far from healthy.

Overall I just find it really interesting that unlike a lot of series where being powerful is normally just better, bsd tackles the isolation that comes with being different and makes being a powerful ability user seem like a nightmare. But thats why the main focus of the series isn't in indavidual power, but in the power gained from support and trust in others.

[iaka-linksar]

Happy Birthday Dazai Osamu-sensei!

To celebrate Dazai Osamu’s birthday here are his top three quotes from my blog:

Quote #3:

Grown-ups are lonely people. Even if we love each other, we must be careful not to show it publicly. And why all this caution? The answer is simple: because people are too often betrayed and put to public shame. The discovery that you cannot trust people is the first lesson young people learn as they grow up into adults. Adults are adolescents who have been betrayed.

- Dazai Osamu, Tsugaru

Quote #2:

It made me miserable that I was rapidly becoming an adult and that I was unable to do anything about it.

- Dazai Osamu, Schoolgirl

Quote #1:

I was a flower petal about to fall. I trembled and quivered at the slightest breeze; at the slightest insult, I writhed about and considered dying. 

- Dazai Osamu, “Recollections” from The Saga of Dazai Osamu

[iaka-linksar]

I was equally afraid that they might not recognize my true self when they saw it, but imagine that it was just some new twist to my clowning—occasion for additional snickers.

Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human

[iaka-linksar]

My writing - Ramblings 2

Finished the first draft of my parenting dazatsu fic on my notebook, and I now remember why I stopped writing by hand, it's so goddamn messy fsldkfjsf

The scenes aren't in the right order, I had no place to add some stuff in between the lines, so I had to add words all over the place, I have arrows, (⚹) and (⚹⚹) everywhere to indicate the paragraphs order. That thing is a complete maze (×_×)

Maybe I'll go back to writing first drafts on computer if I can control myself and get over my instant correcting and no progress problem.

[iaka-linksar]

We will move straight ahead at the perfect pace, neither too fast nor too slow. Where does this road lead? Perhaps, you should ask a growing vine. The vine may answer, ‘I don’t know. But I grow toward the sunlight.’

Dazai Osamu, Pandora’s Box

[iaka-linksar]

Tomorrow will probably be another day like today. Happiness will never come my way. I know that. But it's probably best to go to sleep believing that it will surely come, tomorrow it will come.

Dazai Osamu, Schoolgirl

[iaka-linksar]

[Music] Sawano Hiroyuki

I've almost only been listening to Sawano Hiroyuki's music lately, and it once again confirms he's my favorite composer. I didn't have anything physical of him (usually I just buy music digitally since I don't have Spotify), but I wanted to have some, so I bought his blackblue cds — because yes, Japanese people are still very much into cds.

It's been a while since I bought cds without knowing the exact tracklists, but since I love most of what Sawano does, I did. I even bought the limited edition with the Blu-ray disc containing one of his lives, and I'm glad I did. 澤さんちょうかっこよかった (/▽＼*)｡o○♡

My favorite songs ended up being:

Trollz ♡

Avid ♡ ♡ ♡ (This song is so amazing, omg??? I listened to it on loop for days. I'm glad I discovered it, it's so beautiful. The singing, the piano, the drums, the depth of the sound, the reverb, everything. It really wraps you into its soft atmosphere.)

Level ♡ ♡ (I already knew that song from solo leveling, and I still love it. Such a cool opening.)

Aliez ♡ ♡ (I love this! It made me interested in Aldnoah Zero somehow, and I added it to my endless "to watch list" that I never watch.)

Dark Aria LV2 ♡ ♡ ♡ (I already knew this masterpiece of a song from the solo leveling ost, but truly, this is outstanding. I just needed one listening to know I would love it. It also enhanced the scene it was used in so much — I don't think that scene would've had as much impact as it did without it. Sawano is so skilled at composing these calm, slow musics.)

Pretenders eO1 ♡

Among what I've been listening to from Sawano lately, there's also his Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn suite that is one of the most beautiful things I've ever listened to. So of course, I had to buy the Gundam Unicorn ost. I can't believe it took me so long to buy it.

Overall, the suites he composed for his Projet [emu] are my fav thing from him — I just love orchestral music with drums/electric guitar. I hope one day, he makes one for Solo Leveling (so many amazing ost to adapt), but I think I can keep dreaming (╯_╰)

[iaka-linksar]

Whenever I think of would Bsd Dazai ever agree with Beast Dazai’s methods I always disagree.

Not so much him keeping Beast Oda alive but what came after because it comes at the expense of Beast Atsushi.

To Dazai, Atsushi as one of the most important people in his life. He knows Atsushi trusts him and he cherishes that so deeply.

He was going to tell Atsushi why he seemingly allied with Fyodor and Shibusawa, because he didn’t want him to think he’d betray him.

Atsushi knows about Odasuku and while he can’t recall the answer (55 minutes) Dazai told him why he keeps trying to die.

Simply because Atsushi asked.

Barely a week after knowing Atsushi, Dazai let himself be captured by the Port Mafia with enough black mail to destroy the organisation from the inside out.

All so he could find out who was hunting Atsushi.

Dazai who gave Atsushi a home simply because he needed one. Dazai who revealed his past and set up a meeting with the Port Mafia because Atsushi proposed it.

He had another plan but listened to Atsushi and went with his idea.

When people are looking for Dazai they send Atsushi to find him.

Dazai beams with pride whenever he sees Atsushi succeed. He sat outside waiting for him to fall from the Moby Dick and carried him to safety.

Dazai thinks the world of Atsushi and it kills him that Atsushi can’t see how much he’s worth.

So for him to see Beast Atsushi who looks at him in fear, whose trust in his counterpart was twisted against him.

That all the secrets Atsushi told him, all the things Dazai holds so carefully in his hands, be used to hurt another version of him.

Dazai who would never dream of hurting Atsushi beyond snapping him out of a self deprecating spiral. To see Beast Atsushi collared like a dog and tortured for his ability.

And made to suffer in an endless spiral of fear and self destruction. The very thing Dazai hopes to bring his Atsushi out of.

He would be devastated.

And go ballistic against Beast Dazai.

He wouldn’t hear any excuses because they both knows he’s smart enough to have constructed a plan that kept all his precious people safe.

Odasuku would never have wanted his life to come at thus kind of cost.

But it seems only one of them truly listened to him.

[iaka-linksar]

“…But everybody says you’re so nice.” That’s because I deceived them. I was aware that everybody in the apartment house was friendly to me, but it was extremely difficult for me to explain to Shigeko how much I feared them all, and how I was cursed by the unhappy peculiarity that the more I feared people the more I was liked, and the more I was liked the more I feared them—a process which eventually compelled me to run away from everybody.

Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human

[iaka-linksar]

Dazatsu fanfic ideas - Ramblings

Somehow I've been back in a dazatsu mood and want to write for them again, especially Dazai (of course lol I do not have a problem). But I've already written so much for them in the canon timeline that each time I imagine them, I end up being like "wait, i already wrote this (￣_￣)・・・ "

Dazai fooling around in the office ✅

Dazai being his depressive self alone in his apartment ✅

Atsushi (almost and not almost) dying in front of Dazai ✅

Kind of philosophical discussion about human beings, evil and good, life and death and stuff ✅

Dazai killing in front of Atsushi ✅

100% fluffy fic ✅

An agency member uncovering their relationship ✅✅

Dazai unwrapping his bandages before Atsushi ✅✅

Dazai being drunk and Atsushi finding him ✅✅✅ (I sure do like this trope for some reason, because why tf did I write 3 times about this dlskjfsdkf)

Atsushi seeing through Dazai and setting him straight ✅ x 1000000

(Look, I just love Dazai being this depressive, empty, self-disgusted ass, whom Atsushi still acknowledge because he saved him, and because in the end, Dazai chose the agency's side and does his best to do good, and how Atsushi has a completely different perspective on Dazai than he himself has, and I JUST LOVE THEM OKAY? (/ω＼) )

Anyway (⌒_⌒;) Last year, I thought I'd never write for them again because I was starting to go around in circles. (I guess I could write AUs, but I don't really want to. Each time I try to think about an AU, my brain goes "Oh yeah, maybe I could do this, or this, but they'd have to be like this, and like this, just like in the canon setting, because that's what I love the most about them, and... I'm just going back to the relationship they have in canon, right?" And then I give up (/▽＼) )

The only AU I've ever wanted to write was Atsushi x Mafia Dazai but even there, my conclusion ends up being "it works better in canon" kgjfjdvd I just love Dazai's past with Odasaku, and Atsushi being saved by this Dazai who is trying to do good, and Atsushi seeing through him, and surprising him with his innocence, and aaaaaaah I am a hopeless case.

Actually, I think I'd have a lot of things to say and write about their BEAST counterparts relationship (not a romantic relationship tho), but for that, I'd have to read the beast novel, and my heart still isn't ready to see Dazai dying. It would crush me too bad o(TヘTo)

So yeah, I thought long and hard about it, and tried to think of themes I hadn't written about. In the end, I came with two :

✧ Parenting

I remember some time ago, I answered an ask about Dazai and Atsushi having a child. At the time, I said something about how I couldn't see Dazai as a dad, and that it wasn't really something I was interested in writing. Well... as one says in French, only fools never change their minds ( ◡‿◡ *)

After thinking about it for a few days, I somehow started having random dialogs and sentences coming to mind. I also think this theme would allow me to delve into subjects I've never delved into before — namely Dazai's past before Mori when he still most likely had parents or something. I never really thought about what Dazai's life was before he met Mori, but him having a child would be the opportunity to go into his own childhood — and it's super interesting to think about what kind of child Dazai was. Also, I already know how I'd like to end the fic.

✧ Amnesia

This may be tropey/cliche, but it's actually been a while I've been thinking about writing an amnesia fic. I just couldn't decide what I exactly wanted it to be about, so I left it pending and thought I'd never get to it. But now, I'm thinking about it again.

I still can't really decide what I'd like it to be about tho. I thought about making Atsushi amnesiac and show how he would interact with Dazai if he didn't remember Dazai was the one who saved him. Like, showing he would maybe be afraid of Dazai and implying he's a bit "blinded" by the fact Dazai saved him, but in the end, after spending time with Dazai, he still ends up acting the same with him, or something like that. But I'm not super fond of it, nor super inspired for it.

I thought about making Dazai amnesiac, and that already sounded better. I've always wanted to write something about Atsushi meeting "past Dazai" and I think amnesia actually would be a way to write it in the canon setting. I'd need to read the Fifteen novel before thinking about it more tho. But yeah, sounds kinda promising in my mind. I just need to read the novel and see if it gives me inspiration to understand where I actually want this to go LOL I also need to gather info about how amnesia works, maybe this will help me having more ideas.

[iaka-linksar]

My writing - Ramblings 1

I've been having a hard time with writing since last year, and as a way to go back to it (and hopefully, get more confident in my writing), I decided to compile all of my dazatsu fanfics into a printed book.

Of course, things couldn't go as smoothly as me just copy pasting them into Word and doing some page layout — no, I obviously had to freaking edit everything for weeks (/ω＼) It was kinda funny to realize that a lof of the paragraphs I edited were the exact same ones I struggled with back when I wrote the thing tho. Even after giving up on editing these years ago, I still wanted to edit them. I swear I am cursed.

More seriously tho, for once, I felt a bit proud of myself, because I felt like I understood better what was "wrong" in my sentences, and managed to pinpoint more precisely what made me feel like the paragraph didn't flow well. Also, I corrected less and less things as I progressed through my fanfics (which hopefully means my writing has been improving with time and not that I was getting tired of editing things). I was pretty surprised of actually enjoying my latest fanfics, even though I still have a long way to go to accept my writing.

After writing for so many years, I finally feel like I "reached" my own writing style. Still, I find myself wishing it was closer to the one of that one person, or that one other person. I've always wanted to have this complex style with beautiful descriptions, beautiful choices of words — kind of like poetry — and things flowing nicely. And even though I know this has been hindering me for years — and still is now — it's a very hard thing for me to let go of. I'd probably feel better (and write more) if I just accepted my style as it is: simple, direct, concise, and with basic/standard descriptions and words. Not a perfect style, but not a bad one either. Just my own style.

Writing is a way to express myself. It should be something I enjoy. Yet, sometimes it's just eating at me. Because I want to write better things, things that people will like better, that I will like better.

I really want to get rid of this desire. I want to write more freely, without editing things constantly because that paragraph can be better. I want to let my mind speak through stories that aren't mine, without caring about anything.

Maybe one way to achieve that is learning how to stop myself from correcting things when I don't want to anymore. After all, if I really want, I can always correct things later. I can even look at them years later with another perspective. That's what I did these last few weeks with my years old dazatsu fanfics, and what I "should" correct was clearer to me than when I wrote it.

Maybe another thing that would help me is going back to my old "writing technique". That is, writing the first draft on paper by hand, then type and edit it on my computer. That's what I used to do until I decided to just write everything on pc directly because it was more practical. Now though, I feel like it'd be easier for words to come when I'm in front of paper with a pen in hand. On the computer, there are too many possibilities, and it's too easy to edit things, so I'd probably just endlessly correct stuff and not progress in my draft (when deep down, I know my first drafts are meant to be ugly things). On paper, I feel like it'd be easier to just go with the flow and write everything that comes to mind. Then, when I have a full layout, I could go into editing and refine the scenes until I don't want to anymore.

TLDR Re-reading all my dazatsu fanfics put me back in a dazatsu mood (I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOUR HONOR) and made me want to write for them again, especially Dazai ♡

[iaka-linksar]

I feel like I'm very late to the party, but here I am, creating a tumblr account.

I ended up leaving twitter because I didn't like what the platform had become. Also, I often found myself wanting to post longer things (and sometimes made ugly long threads), so I thought tumblr was the best option for me.

I wanted a space where I could talk about random things I like, as well as writing in general. I'm not here to make critical analyses or anything. I just want to say what I want about the anime/manga/games/novels I'm enjoying (or not enjoying ¬‿¬) at the moment. Anything that comes to mind and that I want to talk about.

Also, feel free to ask me anything you want!

[iaka-linksar]

My Dazatsu fanfics

Here's the list of the fanfictions I've published on ao3 along with my personal appreciation for each.

Does it look like that? ♡

From an empty apartment ♡ ♡

On neither side of the line

Everyday life

You are precious to me ♡

I love you

Red, white, orange ♡ ♡

I need you ♡ ♡

Peaceful days

One year later

A good reason ♡ ♡ ♡

Out of the blue

Tanizaki's investigation ♡

Artificial stars ♡ ♡

Until dawn ♡ ♡ ♡

If there would come a day ♡

I didn't want to take you with me

Side after side ♡ ♡ ♡

Discussion series

An afternoon discussion ♡

An evening discussion ♡ ♡

A night discussion ♡

A morning discussion ♡