imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit - Tumblr blog

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

Waking up

Feeling hungry

Making food

Eating food

Needing to shower

Getting in the shower

Getting out of the shower

Choosing an outfit

Getting ready for work

Every component of work

Trying to feed myself after work

Deciding on something to do to “relax”

Going to sleep

What’s something that gives your anxiety?

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

My roommate just turned 20 and he says this thing like “You know you’re in your 20s when you wake up tired”

And the thing is I’m almost 30. I know. I’ve been knowing. But for me, I’ve been waking up tired my whole life.

Like i can’t remember a time i felt truly rested and ready for the world. Im always tired. Im always overwhelmed. Im always repeating “just another hour” to myself, counting down til i can allow myself rest.

And im fighting the psychiatry field rn to gain some semblance of a quality of life. Because i know this isn’t normal. I know it’s not normal to be 6 and fantasizing about a long sleep where i dont have to do anything. I know its not normal to have panic attacks about going to school and work. I know its not normal to forget most of my life because it’s how my brain knows to protect me from the stress of daily life. I dont have friends, i dont have the energy to try to have friends. I barely can attend to my job and my home at the same time. Every year i slip farther, my care needs get bigger and i lost more and more of any support system i have. Its compounding and i cant keep living like this. I don’t see a point.

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

I’m a stitch away from making it & a scar away from falling apart

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

People are so dismissive of substance withdrawal and how severe detox can be. I think it’s a very individualist “pull yourself up rub some dirt in it get over it” attitude, which on a smaller scale leads to people avoiding seeking professional medical help when they need it and on a larger scale leads to less support (like funding) for withdrawal treatment services, so people can’t access that assistance even if they want it

Detox isn’t just painful, it can be deadly (especially from alcohol). Withdrawal symptoms can literally kill—seizures, DTs, rhabdo, dehydration, mental health issues. If there was less stigma about seeking medical treatment in the first place, it would save lives AND an incalculable amount of suffering that people experience when they try to manage withdrawal on their own

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

I dont know how to nicely tell you that those last few tags add nothing of value. At all. So i’ll just tell you. They add absolutely fuckall. As a recovering alcoholic, yes. Yes i did and sometimes do struggle to find ways to fill my time that isn’t drinking or waiting out the urges to drink. Yes i struggled to find people to be around who didn’t facilitate my drinking. I drank every day after work and went out on my days off. I got used to clocking in still drunk and leaving with a migraine, only to be cured by my post-work six-twelve pack. I had no friends who didn’t drink and if we hung out it was expected that alcohol would be present.

What the actual fuck do those judgey ass tags do for someone who was in my situation? “I dare you hehehe” like shut the everloving fuck up you piece of shit not worth the gum on the bottom of my AA buddies shoes. Like lets all just ignore that stopping cold turkey can KILL US i guess! Those dirty alcoholics clearly just have no self control.

Eat my entire ass with that holier than thou fucking shit. Hope that high horse you’re on doesn’t decide to buck you off one day.

some sobriety ideas

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

We may be cut from the same cloth but I was cut with these

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

Fighting my demons hasn’t been working. Maybe i can invite them to a tea party and we can be friends instead.

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

I’ve managed 434 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes and 17 seconds of sobriety.

I’m so glad alcohol doesn’t dictate my life any more.

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

Any recipe that involves a bunch of vegetable chopping yet promises a mere "10 minutes" of prep...... who the fuck do you think I am, man. You think I'm a chef? You think I'm a professional chef with lightning knife skills and impeccable mise en place? These veggies and I are in it for the long haul, my man, we're gonna be spending at LEAST half an hour struggling along together before they're ready to go in the pan

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

Restrictive eating disorders will be like “well i thought i was perishing both soul and body but then i ate an m&m and it cured me”

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

Okay like no one (sensible, which i can get can be…variable at best) queer thinks Bis or Pans dont count. But. If you ID as Bi or Pan but quantify it with “but i wouldn’t actually date someone of my same gender/sex” then???? No?

You’re basically saying “i Count as This and get to participate in Discourse about this thing that will never Truly apply to Me” NO? Tho?

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

haha its fine

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

People on the internet treat autism like it's some cute, childish thing, but like, autism and the trauma that comes with it have literally lead me to severe alcoholism, anger issues and a criminal record.

This post goes out to autistic addicts and autistic people who have personality disorders and autistic people who have hurt people during meltdowns and autistic people who have been in trouble with the law and autistic people who have been diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun only to find out it was autism all along.

You are loved. Your trauma and your reactions to it do not make you a bad person.

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

"More people know about autism now."

Oh really. Because when I'm out and about, nobody expects me to behave "abnormally". As soon as I unmask, I get stared at and/or treated like a freak or a child. Or everybody seems to be at a loss for how to interact with me.

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]

There's just one major thing that I don't think is acknowledged enough about late diagnosed autistics/ADHD (and probably other neurodivergences):

The floor drops away from under you when you're diagnosed as an adult.

You've spent years perfecting coping mechanisms, setting masks perfectly in place, practicing socialising, forcing things that made you uncomfortable or confused (for reasons you couldn't comprehend).

Then you get the diagnosis and... That's it. No one tells you what to do. How to cope, how to survive.

All you know is that you've spent your life hurting yourself. Your mental health is shot, you're most likely depressed, anxious, burntout...

And you never had to do that. It didn't have to be that way.

I'm not saying I wished I was diagnosed as a child. I don't. That would have a whole other bag of problems.

I just wish there was more in place for us. I wish we weren't abandoned by the medical community at 18.

[imjust-toosoft-forall-ofit]