incoherent-screaming-100

[incoherent-screaming-100]

does anyone else send themselves asks on their sideblog to just pretend someone else actually sees it or is it just me

( @rw-the-twins if you wanna send smth)

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 12- THE PRANK WAR BEGINS

Sylveon: If God’s ever been mad at anything I’ve ever said, he hasn’t done shit about it. Sylveon: So he either doesn’t care or he’s a coward. Sylveon: With that being said, I think it's time we get back at Leafeon.

-one timeskip later...-

Sylveon: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Glaceon: What did you do Sylveon? Sylveon: a Mistake. Sylveon: But it was Leafeon's idea! Leafeon: No it wasn't! The Squad: Leafeon: I'm usually more sophisticated with this stuff.

Vaporeon: I can catch one of them. Let's go, Umbreon. Umbreon: I didn't volunteer. Vaporeon: A stakeout needs two people! Think, Umbreon. Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff while the other one eats a hoagie? Umbreon: This can only end well. Sylveon: Maybe you could use a distraction? I mean, if someone catches you... Vaporeon, turning to Sylveon: Sylveon, I know what you're doing. Stop calling yourself hot, you couldn't even turn on a microwave. Sylveon, mildly offended: Oh yeah!? Just watch me.

Jolteon: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell. Flareon, Leafeon, Eevee, and Espeon: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

-BOOM-

Leafeon, yelling over the smoke alarm: I think we may want to leave as fast as we can.

Leafeon: watching their house burn down Leafeon: Leafeon: starts filming Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one, deny everything.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 11- BACK TO NORMAL

Leafeon: Look at the buns on that guy! Vaporeon: lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns Jolteon: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny! Leafeon: I'm not going back to jail!

-FIVE MINUTES LATER-

Umbreon: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Glaceon: Fucking Eevee and Sylveon were trying to invoke one of the minor legendaries again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting. Umbreon: Dang, that sucks. By the way, I’ve figured out how to deter Leafeon from… doing Leafeon things. Espeon: How? Umbreon: Simple. Umbreon: We commit crimes against food. If you look to the left, you’ll see example A.

Leafeon: You disgust me. Flareon: eating a kitkat sideways I realize this and don’t care. Sylveon: Why are you two arguing about this? It’s just a kitkit. Leafeon: I don’t know how you have your foot in your mouth, your head up your ass, and your nose in my business. But here we are, you fucking wizard.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

Okay, I feel like I should clarify what these arcs actually are, now that we’ve hit three days left to vote. In the event of a tie, we will run the poll again.

THE WAR ARC: A prank war starts within The Squad, and quickly begins to spiral out of control.

THE TRIAL ARC: The Squad finally places Leafeon on trial for The Incident™️ to decide on a punishment for her crimes.

THE ROAD TRIP ARC: The Squad decides that the best way to fix their issues is to be stuck together traveling. Don’t ask how they’re actually able to drive we’ll figure it out

THE TOURNAMENT ARC- Eevee gathers the Eeveelutions together for a fighting tournament. The prize? Bragging rights, and one activity of their choice.

THE DATE ARC- Umbreon manages to get the others on-board with his attempted matchmaking, and try to set up an unsuspecting Espeon and Jolteon on a date.

woag bonus FUTURE ARCS

THE BACKSTORY ARC- Learn how The Squad wound up like they are today.

THE SWAP ARC- Heh, get freaky friday’d, idiots

OKAY AUTHOR POST, ALL OF THESE ARCS WILL HAPPEN, BUT I’M RUNNING A POLL TO ASK YOU ALL

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 10- BOIL OVER BEFORE THE SILLY SHIT

Glaceon: Leafeon, after what you did yesterday, you need to apologize to everyone. Leafeon: Okay, I will. Leafeon: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no. Flareon: Leafeon… Leafeon: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck. Umbreon: That’s it. I’ve had enough of this. Leafeon, I think I speak for this entire group when I say you’re on our last fucking nerves! That stunt you pulled was the last straw, and I for one don’t know if we want you in the group after that. Vaporeon: No, you don’t speak for me. I say, we let this issue drop now. Umbreon: Vaporeon, Leafeon literally set off an explosion. Flareon: First of all, that was Jolteon. Sylveon: Leafeon told him to do it! Flareon: Jolteon should’ve had the sense to ignore what Leafeon said. Espeon: Flareon, lay off of him. Vaporeon: Why are you defending Leafeon? Espeon: I’m not defending Leafeon, I’m trying to defend Jolteon. Vaporeon: Yeah, what is going on with you two? It’s almost like you’re, you know… Espeon: Vaporeon, choose your next words VERY carefully. Leafeon: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective? Glaceon: crouches down Sylveon: kneels down Jolteon: sits on the floor Leafeon: Leafeon: I hate all of you.

Eevee: Everyone, that is ENOUGH! This is tearing our group apart, can’t you all see that! I’m sick of all the fighting, I’m sick of the debates, I’m sick of all of it! Here’s what we’ll do. Eevee: For starters, until the rest of us decide on it, Jolteon and Leafeon will not be allowed to interact unless supervised by the whole group. Second, we will have a tracker with both of them at all times, and third, two of us will watch Leafeon, and since he’s way easier to control, one of us will watch Jolteon. I think that’s a good way to deal with this, and I’m not giving you all a choice. With that being said, I’ll have Flareon and Umbreon watch over Leafeon, and I’ll watch Jolteon. Now everyone drop it.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

OKAY AUTHOR POST, ALL OF THESE ARCS WILL HAPPEN, BUT I’M RUNNING A POLL TO ASK YOU ALL

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 9- THE CHAOS CONTINUES

Espeon, arriving with The Squad: Leafeon, what did you do!? Leafeon: Don’t blame me, Jolteon’s the one who set the propane on fire! Glaceon: Only because you told him to ‘go set that thing on fire,’ Leafeon! Flareon: Well either way, he should have had enough common sense to stop! Jolteon: I couldn’t see what it was! Eevee: Guys, calm down! Let’s not Leafeon this into a worse situation than it already is. Leafeon: Did you just use my name as a verb? Umbreon: No, Eevee has a point. By the way, how did you guys get here. Espeon: Trial and error. Now get in!

-THAT NIGHT…-

Espeon: mixing different alcoholic beverages together Umbreon: What are you making? Espeon: A mistake. Umbreon: I don’t think anything you can make can top what Leafeon pulled out there. Espeon: Yeah, true. You made sure she can’t escape from that room, right? Umbreon: Glaceon’s standing guard out there. Espeon: That’s good. Umbreon: Hey, Espeon. I think someone needs to help me watch over Jolteon. Keep him out of trouble, you know? Espeon: Oh, I can try and see if Sylveon can help you. Umbreon: Espeon, how much of that did you drink, because you’re not understanding. I want you to help me. Espeon: What!? No, I can’t. Umbreon: I’m not giving you a choice. We need to keep him from doing that again.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 8- HOPTAL

A few minutes after Jolteon, Leafeon, Umbreon, and Glaceon left…

Jolteon: Hey, are you gonna tell them why you’re actually at the hospital? Umbreon: No. Umbreon: We won’t speak of the incident ever again.

-FIVE MINUTES LATER…-

Jolteon: Why were you up yesterday until 3am? Glaceon: How did you know I was up until 3am? Umbreon: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

Leafeon: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they’re a cop. Jolteon: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue. Leafeon: Blue and light blue, nice try officer.

Glaceon: Hey, I wonder what Umbreon’s doing back there? Umbreon, now deep into an unprompted therapy session with the doctor: Between Jolteon, Leafeon and Glaceon, there are three braincells. Umbreon: And Glaceon has all three of them.

-THIRTY SECONDS LATER…-

Umbreon: Hey. So, I’ve got good news and bad news. Umbreon: The good news is, I’ll be fine. Glaceon: And the bad news? Umbreon: Apparently security is being called, so we may wanna run. Jolteon, suddenly dashing into the room: Do you want this handful of moss? Umbreon: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss? Jolteon: Damn, you could’ve just said no. Jolteon: We might wanna leave, a bunch of scary dudes are chasing us.

-ONE INCREDIBLY INTENSE CHASE SCENE THAT I CANT DO JUSTICE WITH JUST TEXT SO USE YOUR IMAGINATION LATER…-

Leafeon: Why are you smiling? Glaceon: What? I can’t just be happy? Umbreon: Jolteon tripped and fell in the parking lot.

Leafeon: But anyway, it’s clear that Arceus is no longer with us, I’ll take over. Leafeon: As such, my first commandment is that all laws are null and void. So Jolteon, go ahead and set… whatever that thing is on fire. Glaceon: Leafeon, no. Leafeon: We need to make an exit.

Jolteon: I set it on fire! Leafeon: Great, what was it? Jolteon: Well, I didn’t see what it was, but someone was shouting about ‘Pro pain’, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything. Umbreon: I’m sorry, what did you just say?

An explosion erupts from a nearby alley.

Glaceon: Congratulations, Leafeon. Glaceon: You just convinced Jolteon to become an accidental terrorist.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 7- CHAOS CONTINUES

Jolteon, Leafeon, and Glaceon have taken Umbreon to the hospital

Flareon: Well, what do we do now? Espeon: I don’t know. It feels weird now that Jolteon and Leafeon aren’t causing constant chaos. Espeon: This feels wrong.

Vaporeon, singing: He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice Eevee, also singing: Santa Claus is calling you out!

-TWO MINUTES LATER-

Sylveon, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce. Espeon: Hey, do you take constructive criticism? Sylveon: I absolutely fucking do not.

The sounds of distant chaos echo in the city. Eevee: Leafeon and Jolteon? Vaporeon: Yeah, probably. Eevee: And Glaceon and Umbreon can’t stop them? Vaporeon: Yep. Sylveon: Well, let’s go stop them. Flareon: Wait, how do we get to them? They’re halfway across the city! Vaporeon: Well, there’s a car, but none of us can drive. Espeon, with a floating cup of coffee near them: What’re we talking about? Eevee: I have an idea.

-FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER-

Vaporeon teaching Espeon to drive and taking The Squad along for the ride Vaporeon: That's a pothole. To the left! Espeon: Take it back now y'all Drives into pothole Flareon, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Espeon: I don't think that's how the song goes. Vaporeon, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Espeon: Country Roads. Flareon: To the place. Espeon and Flareon in unison: I Belong! Vaporeon, crying harder: What the fuck?

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 6- THE GANG SHARES SHOWER THOUGHTS

Leafeon: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life. Jolteon: Please never become a surgeon. Espeon: Why are you like this?? Leafeon: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Eevee: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

Sylveon: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

Espeon: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? Sylveon: Which came first, the orange or the orange? Leafeon: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago. Glaceon: What was the color called before then? Vaporeon: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white! Jolteon: Am I having a fucking stroke!?

Glaceon: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Glaceon lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! Flareon: Since when did you play Portal 2?

Sylveon: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life. Flareon: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Sylveon: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Glaceon: Edible.

Umbreon: If you had to choose between Leafeon and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? Eevee: That depends, how much money are we talking about? Leafeon: Eevee! Umbreon: 63 cents. Eevee: …I’ll take the money. Leafeon: EEVEE!!!

Vaporeon: Heyyy Umbreon, how’s your… drink?? Umbreon: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee. Vaporeon: You sure?? Looks to coffee maker Umbreon: Looks to coffee maker Cement sitting beside the coffee maker Umbreon:…I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead. Espeon: Should we take you to the hospital? Umbreon: Yeah, probably.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES 5- THE NEXT DAY

Leafeon: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Espeon: Bees? Leafeon: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Espeon: Wait- Jolteon approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly

Flareon: I’ll help you, Espeon! Flareon: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence. Espeon: …Don’t you mean benevolence? Flareon: No.

Leafeon: Am I going too far? Eevee: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

-THIRTY MINUTES LATER-

Flareon: Hopefully Leafeon has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings. Leafeon: Oh, shut up and die Flareon. Flareon: Leafeon, calm down. What did I ever do to you? Leafeon: Oh I think you know.

-ROUGHLY FIVE DAYS EARLIER…-

Leafeon, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Flareon, standing in front of Leafeon: bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen Leafeon, crying: Please…stop…

-PRESENT DAY…-

Jolteon, trying to defuse the situation: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A. Espeon: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory. Leafeon: Fuck you.

Flareon: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year. Leafeon: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues? Jolteon: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

HEYYY YALL ITS THE AUTHOR HERE TO SHATTER THE FOURTH WALL AND GIVE A QUICK OVERVIEW OF OUR CHARACTERS

Eevee: A normal guy. Same age as the rest of the crew, but swallowed an everstone years ago and hasn’t bothered trying to get it out.

Jolteon: The gang’s resident harbinger of chaos and Umbreon’s brother. He’s mostly going with the flow, almost always roping his friends into the anarchy he accidentally leaves in his wake, but he’s got a good heart. Consistently oblivious to Espeon’s crush on him.

Flareon: A clueless floof, who might not have that many braincells, but that just makes it so he has more room for love :3

Vaporeon: Wannabe daredevil and the self-appointed ‘Big Sister’ of the group, she consistently manages to get herself into life-threatening situations without even trying.

Umbreon: Jolteon’s brother, somehow the only sane man here. Consistently subjected to Leafeon and Jolteon’s shenanigans, but he puts up with it. May or may not be trying to play matchmaker.

Espeon: The only eon trying to keep the group stable, and failing miserably. She vehemently denies that she’s gotten a crush on Jolteon, but isn’t doing that good of a job at hiding it.

Leafeon: You know that one friend who you swear is constantly thinking “nobody hurts these idiots but me!” Yeah, that’s Leafeon. She’s protective of her friends, especially her best friend Jolteon, but let’s just say the time she almost committed first degree murder wasn’t the first, and probably won’t be the last.

Glaceon: The actual ‘Big Sister’ of the group, much to Vaporeon’s chagrin. Also the accidental group therapist, due to the fact that everyone tells her their drama, because they know she’ll comfort them.

Sylveon: Somehow in the direct center of this chaos, he somehow manages to stay mentally intact by refusing to give a shit. He does get a kick out of confusing the others, though.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTE SKITS 4- POST KITCHEN DISASTER

Sylveon, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Vaporeon, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Leafeon, pulling out a Pokémon card: Espeon, I choose you! Umbreon, trembling: What are we playing?!

Glaceon: What's worse than a heartbreak? Jolteon: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. Leafeon: Waking up in the morning. Vaporeon: Waking up.

-TWO MINUTES LATER-

the TV is freaking out Jolteon: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support. unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. nothing changes Jolteon: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.

Flareon: Sylveon, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong? Sylveon: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before? Flareon: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

Sylveon: What do we say when life disappoints us? Jolteon: Called it! Sylveon: No.

Espeon: trying not to laugh Umbreon: Ooh, somebody has a crush~ Espeon: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Jolteon I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. Later that night Espeon, very much awake: Uh oh.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

WE ARE SO BACK. EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES PART 3: THE GANG ATTEMPTS TO COOK

The Squad is at Umbreon’s house Leafeon: Ohhhh we each get our own oven? Umbreon: …N-No… Umbreon, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have??? Leafeon, motioning to the kitchen: Three, I thought! Glaceon: I see a- Umbreon, motioning to one device: This is a microwave. Leafeon: Oh, well I- Umbreon: Hey, wait wait, actually- hang on- fiddles with the buttons on the microwave Umbreon, amazed: Its got a bake setting! Flareon: Ohoho, you learn something new every day! Sylveon: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first? Umbreon: Now I’ve discovered more ovens than I thought, we don’t have to roshambo nothin’! Umbreon: I am someone who owns four ovens… Umbreon, louder and way too happy: I am someone… who owns FOUR OVENS… Espeon, pointing to another appliance: Also, the toaster oven! Umbreon: Leafeon: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens! Umbreon: Umbreon, ecstatic: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS.

Flareon, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs? Vaporeon: It means like in hand-to-hand combat. Flareon: Ohhhh- Umbreon: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

Vaporeon: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute. Leafeon: No, that's not how you make cookies. Glaceon: FLOOR IT!! Vaporeon: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!? Leafeon: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN- Vaporeon: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES! Sylveon: DO IT! Leafeon: NO-

Espeon: Who wants to make fifty bucks? Leafeon: How? Espeon: I need someone to take the fall. Leafeon: What did you do? Espeon: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Umbreon, from the other room: Oh my god. Espeon: … Umbreon: OH MY GOD! Leafeon: Make it a hundred. Espeon: Deal.

Jolteon: I baked you a pie! Espeon: Really?! What flavor? Jolteon: pulls gun out of the pie DEATH!

Flareon: So, what's for dinner? Espeon, staring at the food they burnt: Regret.

Eevee: The Ocean is a soup. Flareon: Flareon: Do elaborate. Eevee: What are needed for something to be a soup? Flareon: Erm… Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine. Eevee: Tilts head Flareon: The Ocean is a Soup. Eevee: The Ocean is a Soup.

[incoherent-screaming-100]

INCORRECT EEVEELUTION QUOTE SKITS 2

Glaceon: Vaporeon won’t come out of their room! Jolteon: Just tell them I said something. Glaceon: Like what? Jolteon: Anything factually incorrect. Glaceon, shrugging: If you say so. Vaporeon, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

Jolteon: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Glaceon: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars. Glaceon, gesturing to Vaporeon and Jolteon fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

[incoherent-screaming-100]

I FORGOT WHAT I INTENDED TO USE THIS BLOG FOR SO IT IS NOW FOR MAKING SCENES OUT OF EEVEELUTION INCORRECT QUOTES

Leafeon: I'm bored. Jolteon: Wanna commit first degree murder? Leafeon: Sure! Espeon, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Umbreon down!!

Leafeon: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder. Leafeon: glares at Espeon Espeon: Well, sorry I have morals!

Umbreon: Leafeon, I am questioning your sanity… Espeon: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

Leafeon: Life could be worse, Umbreon. Umbreon: Life could be a lot better too!

-ROUGHLY FIVE MINUTES LATER-

Leafeon: Guess what? Flareon: What? Leafeon: No, you have to guess. Flareon, thinking: I don’t know. Leafeon: Jolteon is in the hospital. Flareon: Why would you make me guess that?! Flareon: What happened?!

Jolteon: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven. Espeon: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.