incorrect-milo-murphys-law

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Cavendish: (to Cavenpus) You are… half an abomination.

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Cavendish: I just really thought that we could have a day where nothing went wrong. Dakota: You mean like March 14th? We’re never gonna have another March 14th. Just be grateful you were alive to see one.

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Cavendish: Now, when I say, “Hello, Professor Time,” and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. Doofenshmirtz: No problem. Cavendish: Hello, Professor Time! (stomps on Doof’s foot a few times) Doofenshmirtz: (stares blankly; to Orton) I think he’s talking to you.

The Simpsons

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Mr. Block, shouting: AND YOU TWO BETTER NOT FAIL THIS MISSION! UNDERSTAND!? Dakota: Woah there Block, you don’t seem like yourself lately. Dakota, pulling out a snickers bar: Here. [Mr. Block eats it.] Dakota: Better? Mr. Block: Better.

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(Derek gets hit by Dakota) Dakota: THAT IS FOR MURDERING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! Derek: The love of your life? Cavendish: (appears from behind Dakota) He’s talking about me! (Derek gets hit by Dakota again) Dakota: AND THAT IS FOR TRYING TO MURDER MY SON! Derek: Son? Milo: (appears behind Dakota) He’s talking about me!

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Dakota: Johnny Johnny Cavendish, an intellectual: Johnathon Johnathon

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Sara: Hey Milo, why are you dressed as a strawberry? Milo: I’m ‘berry’ cute! Sara: Can’t argue with that.

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Cavendish: And screw you in particular, my good sir.

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Melissa: It’s funny how you can make a graveyard less scary by putting a movie in it. Zack: Makes no difference to me, ‘cause I’m scared all the time!

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Amanda: Nonsense. I’m an easygoing person.

Melissa: Okay, I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.

Amanda: It was off by half a centimeter. It never should have been in circulation!

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I make puns because I’m deeply insecure.

Dakota

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Cavendish, using a walkie-talkie: Our relationship is over.

Dakota: Our relationship is what? Over.

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Cavendish [trying to flirt]: So… do you come here often?

Dakota: This is my fricking house.

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Milo: You said he was a nice old boy, he’s a horrible old boy!

Dakota: What, Mr. Block? No.

Cavendish: That’s just his way, Milo, a bit of harmless old joshing.

Milo: He called you a failed criminal and Dakota a repulsive half-wit!

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Milo, texting his friends: Time sensitive question: how flirt with boy?

Melissa: Throw rocks at him.

Zack: Hot dogs.

Melissa: Kill him.

Milo: Thanks guys.

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Funny story: in the newest episode doof says “shot” and the closed captioning on Disney now said shit hahah

oof, that’s....... bad.

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Earthquake Regrets

(The ground starts shaking, people panic.)

Chad: We’re gonna die!

Lydia: AAAGH, No!

Zack: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

Joni: I can’t die! I’m not famous enough to become a solo star in a sitcom!

Coach Mitchell: I have so many regrets! I could have actually taken a driver’s license legally! But no, I got in the internet, and it wasn’t worth it!

Mort: I have a condition where every time I sense a shift in atmosphere, I avoid the subject!

Amanda: I have no original ideas, i just copy them out from assumedly-perfect people!

Sara: I’ve never been in Japan!

Neal: I’ve never been in Drusselstein!

Bradley: I train kissing with a Melissa pillow!

Cavendish: I REGRET EVERYTHIIIIIING!