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The letters T and G are far too close together on a keyboard. That’s why I’ll never end a work email with the word “Regards”

- Linkara

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Ninja-Style Dancer’s sign: So we’re actually rooting for Vyce.

Harvey: Let’s be honest, we’re rooting AGAINST the entity.

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Jaeris: Yes, it’s just what I wanted: a Linkara DVD!

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Harvey: Hey kid, want to see an impression of my son? Linkara: Sure! Harvey vanishes, replaced by tombstone.

Linkara: Ha-ha, comedy.

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Linkara: I found you, faker!

Mechakara: Faker? You’re comparing yourself to the likes of me? Ha! I think YOU’RE the fake internet reviewer around here! You’re not even good enough to be my f-

Linkara:

I’LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS!

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Linkara: It’s about time Linksano found a woman. I can’t stand to see a man single.

Harvey Finevoice: Some people enjoy being alone, kid.

Linkara: No, everyone should be paired up. (puts Eliza and a cybermat together, two of his action figures together, then Pollo and a cactus together; Pollo knocks the cactus over) It wasn’t meant to be…

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Vyce: Careful how you proceed, good man Intemperate indeed, good man Answer for the accusations I lay at your feet or Prepare to bleed, good man Linkara: Vyce, your grievance is legitimate I stand by what I said, every bit of it You stand only for yourself It’s what you do I can’t apologize because it’s true Vyce: Then stand, Linkara Weehawken. Dawn Guns. Drawn

Linkara: You’re on

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Spoony: Really? You have them all memorized?

Linksano: Sixty-seven: Holmium! Very reactive, very magnetic!

Linkara: Reviewer parties almost never end with someone reciting the elements.

Insano: Sixty-eight: Erbium! Atomic weight: 167 and change!

Linksano: Nice! My turn. Sixty-nine….

Spoony: Ha! In your dreams!

Linksano: What? I don’t get it.

Insano: I’ll explain it later.

Linkara: It’s Thulium, in case anyone cared. Cybermats have trace amounts in their skin; protects them from solar radiation.

Linksano: Nerrrrrrrrd!

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Of course, I touch myself when I think about you. It’s called “facepalm”.

Obscurus Lupa to 90’s Kid at some point

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Spoony: I’ve stumbled onto a major online conspiracy, Linkara. How about that for stress?

Linkara: What the heck are you talking about?

Spoony: Channel Awesome is being bled like a stuck pig, Linkara, and I’ve got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out… Take a look at this.

Linkara: Jesus Christ, Spoony!

Spoony: That right there is the film. Now let’s talk about the film. Can we talk about the film, please, Linkara? I’ve been dying to talk about the film with you all day, okay? “Frank Stallone”, this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day this film says Frank Stallone’s in it. Frank Stallone! Frank Stallone! I look at the DVD, and this whole box says Frank Stallone! So I say to myself, “I gotta find this guy! I gotta go put this on and do a review of the guy’s goddamn film! Otherwise, I’m never going to get anything done and this DVD’s going to keep coming back down here.” So I watch Frank’s movie��and what do I find out, Linkara? What do I find out?! There is no Frank Stallone. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, “Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper.” There’s no Frank Stallone? You gotta be kidding me! I got BOXES full of Frank! All right. So I start marchin’ my way down to April in the other room and I knock on her door and I say, “APRIL! April, I gotta talk to you about Frank.” And when I open the door what do I find? There’s not a single goddamn person in the house, there IS… NO… April in the other room! Linkara, half the actors in the film have been made up. This movie is a goddamn ghost town.

Linkara: …Okay, Spoony, I’m going to have to stop you right there. Not only is Frank Stallone actually IN this movie, but the other reviewers on Channel Awesome have been asking for their DVDs on a daily basis. It’s all they’re talking about up there!

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90s Kid: You know you’re a nineties kid when: woah! Scooby-Doo Bandaids?

80s Dan: We had those in the eighties.

90s Kid: No you didn’t. You weren’t a nineties kid.

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Linkara: “Hey, that’s your boy Danger Mouse!”

Viga: “You mean Deadmau5?”

Linkara: “One of those fucking mice. When I was a kid, music didn’t have mice.”

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Pollo: I guess I could buy a shirt. I mean, I never felt like I needed a shirt, considering I already had a scarf. It seems so extravagant.

Eliza: That’s why you don’t wear a shirt? Because you're cheap?

Pollo: Well, why don’t you wear clothes?

Eliza: Because I love my body. [kisses own bicep]

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Linkara: Why is that toy on your head?

Linksano: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

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Waiter: Today’s special is coho salmon on a-

Linkara: Sounds disgusting. Do you have any chicken fingers?

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Linkara: OH MY GOD!

Linksano: What is it?

Linkara: TRAMAPOLINE! TRAMBOPOLINE!

90s Kid: He said what now?

Pollo: Please, don’t bring home any more old crutches…

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Linkara: What the heck are you doing here?

Erin: I should ask you the same question.

Linkara: This is my apartment!

Erin: I should ask you a different question.