infoay-umpday - Tumblr blog

[infoay-umpday]

How about instead of gender, you find some other identity to reference? "A dancer can dream" "Go get it fam!"

Sometimes I go to write something like "a girl can dream" (most recent example), but, like... I'm not a girl anymore. And it feels restrictive to call myself that. And I'm not a guy, either, it feels worse and wrong-er to say "a guy can dream" in reference to myself. "Person" feels awkward and stilted, but I don't know anything else gender-neutral.

Submitted July 11, 2023

[infoay-umpday]

I don't think this is an autism thing but it is very common with transgender people (in the form of body dysphoria) and people with body dysmorphia. And both of these show up more often with autistic people than allistic. So no, you are not broken and you are not alone. I guess just try to figure out what about it makes you upset? Because while having both is not uncommon, they are very different. And they have very different solutions. Then maybe see a therapist. Because even though you are not broken, you deserve to be able to look in a mirror without fear.

Remember folks: you don't have to be 'broken' to benefit from physical or mental health professionals. If you can afford it: find a professional you can trust and see them on a regular basis. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Does anyone else with autism not like seeing their own face? I'm not sure why I can't stand seeing my face these days, but the literal moment I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I feel like curling in on myself.

Am I broken?

[infoay-umpday]

You just described authoritative (authoriTATIVE not authoriTARIAN - important distinction) parenting style. Only the important rules, consistency, routine, teaching the kids how follow the rules instead of just expecting them to, getting rid of rules if they are unneeded. There is a reason that the authoritative is known as the best style.

The entire definition of permissive is that it lacks structure and routine. "Excessive permissiveness" IS permissiveness. Think if you were a parent trying to get your kid to sleep. Authoritarian would say "because I said so", authoritative would explain why it's important to have a consistent bedtime, and permissive would give in and let the kid stay up as late as they want.

On the other hand, imagine the rule was don't touch my instrument. Again, authoritarian would say "because I said so" and permissive would give in and let the kids play it. On the other hand, authoritative would act differently. They know the rule is there to protect the instrument. So they would teach the kid how to hold the instrument without harming it. Then they would change the rule and let the kid touch it. You would call it "permissive" but it's not. Psychologists labeled it authoritative for a reason. Though both have the same outcome - the kid gets to touch the instrument - they got there in different ways.

Again, giving kids freedom is good! You are correct. But permissive isn't freedom. It's refusing to enforce the rules you set, even the important ones. Authoritative parenting has freedom through lack of unimportant rules and structure though enforcement of important rules.

In class today I got upset by the concept of parenting styles. Namely, the idea that permissive parenting is bad. I think it's stupid to imply that permissiveness is just as bad as authoritarian parents or negligent parents, and I don't really get it. Sure, excessive permissiveness is bad. But that's why there should be a mild permissive style. One that's mostly permissive, but with things like routine and consistency having a big part.

[infoay-umpday]

Just so you know, you have a right to your property. While it's probably rude to swear at her, you have every right to ask for your book back. If anything, she is the one being not socially acceptable taking your stuff. Seriously. You have no obligation to show her your art. If she insists on seeing it, she is in the wrong. And if she TAKES a piece of property that does NOT belong to her and REFUSES to give it back? Well then maybe you have the right to be a bit rude.

But seriously, remember to ask nicely first. Sometimes people don't realize they are making others uncomfortable.

neurodivergent (autistic?) culture is this random girl always walking up to me, taking my sketchbook and looking through it, asking what my vent art means, misgendering my ocs, and all i want to do yell fuck off, and then take my sketchbook back and run away. but that’s very rude and not socially acceptable so i just have to let her do it.

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[infoay-umpday]

In addition, I have some labels you could look at. Not that you have to use these, but they are there if you want them. If you want more details, message me or look it up on Google. These are my quick approximation of what each term means.

Like, I like the idea of sex but but doing it with anyone? It repulses me.

Sex-repulsed - being repulsed at the idea of having sex

Apothisexual - being repulsed at sex, either acts involving yourself or the idea altogether

Aegosexual - having a disconnect between the idea of sex and yourself

"oh I like their face"

Aesthetic attraction - being attracted to someone's aesthetics or how they look

Biaesthetic - being attracted to two or more genders aesthetically

"I wanna hold their hand. I want to hug them."

Physical attraction - wanting affection through physical touch

Sensual attraction - wanting affection though non-sexual physical touch (a type of physical attraction)

hii!! I've never dated or kissed anyone. I recently found that I like looking at girls just as much as I like looking at guys. But I never quite understood the concept of "hotness" of guys and girls. Like, I like the idea of sex but but doing it with anyone? It repulses me. My crushes are always like.."oh I like their face. I wanna hold their hand. I wanna hug them" That's it. Never beyond that. Do I come under the asexual biromantic category? I would really appreciate your help!! Thank you in advance!!

yeah, it definitely sounds like you could be biromantic asexual!

not understanding the concept of 'hotness' is an ace experience if ever i heard one

[infoay-umpday]

When we are talking about sex we have the words sex-favorable, sex-neutral, and sex-repulsed. I see no reason why you couldn't translate them to romance-favorable, romance-neutral, and romance-repulsed.

Of note, these describe whether YOU are interested in these things. For instance, someone sex-repulsed (doesn't like sex) could still be sex-positive (believes people should be able to explore their sexuality)

Is there a way to describe being repulsed by the domestication of romance? I realize it is an aspect of romance, so perhaps it's just a broad aro concept. But as a baby aro (I identify - I think - as bellusromantic) and as someone who has been in coupled, monogamous relationships, one thing I know I am very repulsed by is domestic partnership... and having to live my daily life alongside another person in a romantic way. I don't feel this way about roommates or even sharing space with friends (sleepovers, travel, etc.). It's just when there's a romantic aspect.

well, there's amatonormativity, which is the normalisation of having a monogamous romantic partner and the idea that everyone needs one and just, you know, the way our society is SO geared towards romance and all that. a lot of aros (myself included) pretty vocally renounce that. but i'm not aware of anything more specific.

followers?

[infoay-umpday]

Maybe we hate sterotypes because we are forced into them. They shove us into boxes that don't fit, with jagged edges that leave scars. But sometimes we might find a little sterotype box in the corner that everyone keeps trying to pull us away from. And when we fall into that sterotype it can feel like coming home.

[infoay-umpday]

Hey, I'm great at dialogue. Now we can just find someone who's good at description and make a trip. /j

I honestly think I'd only be able to do something with all my ideas if I had a ghostwriter. because I'm horrible at the elements of writing needed for a novel. my dad says otherwise, but my brain won't let me feel confident in it. I'm somewhat confident in my ability to write paragraphs (it depends on the day), but I have always been atrocious with things dialogue and description. I wrote a whole bunch of stories when I was in Grade 1 or 2, and I now can't even understand them. I'm not sure if I've written too much and need to make another post, or if I should continue under a cut. Maybe I'll just reblog it and continue it there. When I do, I'll share the stories behind my stories. I still admire the ideas, I just think my writing is horrible.

[infoay-umpday]

The way you wrote this post me a lot of joy. It reminds me of a conlang I created once. When translated, the conlang looked a lot like your writing (although it used multiple dimensions in a way that doesn't translate well to English). So reading your post makes me feel like I'm reading my conlang. Sorry, I know it is not really on topic, but I just thought it was cool. /pos

Aiden use aac

Aiden use aac always

Aiden *need* use aac

Aiden semiverbal

Aiden semiverbal *always*

Aiden not go semiverbal

Aiden not go nonverbal

Aiden never verbal

Aiden never nonverbal

Nonverbal person nonverbal. Not go, is

Semiverbal person semiverbal. Not go, is

Verbal person verbal. Not go, is.

Can be verbalflux, can lose talk, can have not rely talk, not nonverbal, not semiverbal

[infoay-umpday]

Or find a way to incorporate math in an already existing special interest! 👀

unless i suddenly develop a special interest in math there’s no chance in me ever understanding this shit

[infoay-umpday]

In music we often use sev instead of seven because of this exact problem

nd culture is hating the number seven because it’s the only one-digit number that has two syllables. you could count to ten with ten syllables but instead counting to ten needs eleven syllables.

.

[infoay-umpday]

When I hear a fire alarm the first thing I do is put down whatever I'm holding to cover my ears.

Tell me you have sensory issues without telling me you have sensory issues

[infoay-umpday]

"No talk" /gen

Seriously, if you are in the middle of a verbal shutdown you have no obligation to force yourself to talk just to give a technical explanation. Just say "can't talk" or even point to your throat. If they are a good friend and a good person they will give you the space you need. You can explain after, when your speaking is back to normal.

hey, does anyone have a shorter alternative to "verbal shutdown" or "losing speech"? i learned that i shouldnt say non/semiverbal and being overwhelmed to the point of no talk can make it hard to say long words like that /gen

[infoay-umpday]

If respect isn't normal anymore what will be normal then?

Ha. I don't swear for personal reasons but this has me getting close.

You think you know respect? I've seen disrespect. Disrespect is believing someone is incapable of basic thought because they are missing an ear. Disrespect is saying someone doesn't deserve basic rights because they have a different level of melanin in their skin. Disrespect is calling someone unteachable because they move while you talk. Disrespect is deciding that dressing up different is bad enough for the death penalty. Heck, disrespect is even just calling someone's idea stupid without first listening.

How about you learn some respect? Respect is letting people dress how they want even if you don't dress that way. Respect is removing yourself if you feel uncomfortable. Respect is learning about how others think when you disagree. Respect is realizing being told to hide yourself away can scar just as easily as any cut. And maybe, respect is having the absolute audacity to change your mind.

Respect was never normal. But you are right, it should be. So how about you look at the man in the mirror and see if you can find some there.

We need kink at pride because “kink” isn’t just kink. “Kink” is:

That boy wearing jeans that are too tight

Your neighbors and their “friend” that lives with them

Having a beard and wearing a skirt

Wearing any kind of choker

Literally anything else they decide goes against the “norm”, and it can be literally anything. That is why we need kink at pride.

[infoay-umpday]

As a teacher:

I would try to avoid phone allowances. If it's absolutely necessary than do it. But if you can accomplish it with another accommodation please do. Phones can not only distract you but the people around you. Also, it takes an incredible amount of control to only use a phone for it's intended purpose-verses something like a fidget toy that basically can only be used for its intended purpose.

Things to add:

Priority seating - one of the best ways of getting my students to concentrate is by moving their seats. Make sure you say WHERE works best for you. Some people concentrate better in the front, some in the back. Some people find comfort being with their friends, others get distracted by them. And make sure you say that to each teacher. Regardless of whether it is on your 504/IEP or not the teacher will usually listen. but if it is just on your 504/IEP and you don't mention it they might see priority seating and assume you need to be in the front.

Headphones/music - for those with sensory stuff. I personally love musicians earplugs. They reduce sound without distorting the quality of sound. Plus, less obvious. For direct instruction (aka teacher talking at you) you should have a pair that is not electronic and you can hear through. For individual work, the ability to listen to music can also be added to the plan. HIGHLY suggest sticking to videogame and similar music as it tends to focus while anything with words tends to distract.

Extra time on tests - not something I've personally needed but I've heard glowing reviews from other people. Remember - tests are to test your knowledge not your speed.

Computer for taking notes - yes, I know I said to avoid phones. And I will suggest to avoid computers for the same reason. But as with phones, if you absolutely need them and can use them without distracting yourself and others, it can be useful. Just expect to be put in the back or on the side so other people can watch your screen.

Larger text - I mean, exactly what it says on the tin. Just print the tests and worksheets in a large text size so it's easier to read.

so i’ve realized how difficult it is to think of accommodations for yourself for an IEP or 504, so here’s a list of some of the ones i havé for reference to help some people :)

longer passing periods - my school typically has 5 minutes for a huge school, so they gave me an extra 2 because i may be slower (fibro)

phone allowances - this is for when i need to distract myself from pain, communicate with my mother about BP or anything health related, or to abate panic/anxiety attacks

hot pass - this is where im allowed to leave class at any time to sit in the hall, go to the nurse, or to a separate room (separate accommodation), it’s for panic and/or anxiety attacks or when my pain gets too much

separate room - there’s a specific set of rooms/places that i’m allowed to drop in just whenever if my pain or anxiety is just too much

fidget accommodations - this is for my ADHD, i’m allowed stim toys in class and my teachers are not allowed to take them or get me in trouble for drawing in class

elevator access - it does what it says on the tin, especially try to get this accommodation if you have a parent who will fight to hell for you, maybe you can make your school listen to the ADA over elevators

absences - i’m still working on this, but right now i can’t get in any trouble with the school for missing school for appointments, but i’m going to make it so that i can have more than 9 unexcused absences in the entire year for pain days

feel free to add on to this post, i think it’s important that people in school should be able to have the best experience possible

[infoay-umpday]

I've recently decided to leave a workplace after being there 6 months. The advice that finally had me stop being guilt: it's both. You are not bad, the workplace might not be bad. But you and that workplace do not work together. If you leave, you can find a workplace that suites you and they can find an employee that fits them.

I would suggest taking some time to think about leaving. If you can find a compromise that makes work better: great! But in the end if you leave don't feel bad.

work :(

Man life is kicking my butt. I feel like I'm none stop burnt out from this job and its really taking a toll on all parts of my life.

My nervous system is working overtime to get me through the day-to-day, that I haven't been able to do the things I enjoy outside of work - like hanging out with friends, working out, working on my career or paint. I am constantly, always exhausted, I can't stop eating and I keep gaining weight :(

I've thought about my options, like talking to my *New* boss about how I work and listening to music with noise-cancelling headphones, but she is only 2 weeks new, so I feel I need to start small here. The times I do listen to my headphones, I get asked if I'm in "a mood" and people suggestively call me a bitch due to me ignoring them... so I feel like I just can't win here since the environment is an open office work setting.

I sincerely do what to try and make this workplace work for me for a little while longer at least because I really do like the people I work with. We are also re-branding the business soon and I would love to be a part of it. The pay isn't so bad either.

But the hierarchy of leadership is incredibly frustrating and hard to follow. I feel like there is little to no job security here.

So what the hell am I supposed to do?! I can't keep going like this. I'm so tired and so sad and just fed up with work.

Is it my adhd? Is it just a work environment that isn't working for me and I have to accept that? is it all the above?!

[infoay-umpday]

Yeah. People keep telling me to take sick days when I'm feeling bad. But I'm like, I feel this bad on a daily basis. How am I supposed to know this is the one *magical* day I'm supposed to actually take off.

why is the internet so full of self care tips for autistic adults that are written by neurotypicals:

“don’t push yourself past your limits”

Thank you but I’ve been pushing myself past my limits my whole life just to “keep up” with neurotypical society? And now you’re telling me to *not* do the very thing that I’ve been expected to do by everyone???