insanelybeautifulbrianna

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

Prologue

How many times did she have to go through this pain? The same sigh, the same look, the same words.

"I don't think this is working anymore."

Once those words fell out of his mouth it felt like a bullet went through her chest. She didn't mean to get upset with him the night before. It was a petty argument that she believed would be over in the morning. Why did she always have to argue about everything?

"No. We can make this work. You promised we would get through anything as long as we talked. So, let's talk. I'm not letting you do this."

She was talking faster than she could think. It was horrible word vomit that wouldn't stop. Tears burned her cheeks and rolled down her mouth. She could taste the saltiness of the pain he promised he would never cause. She knew she was embarrassing herself, but she thought maybe it would be worth it if she could make him stay.

"Bianca, I don't love you anymore."

Instantly her mind cleared. She realized the fight she thought was there, was only one sided. She wiped her tears and stood up. Grabbed her keys and walked out the door. That was 5 months ago, and it hasn't gotten any easier.

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

I know there’s not a whole lot of people that follow me but just to put this out there I will be putting out a story on here chapter by chapter. I would love your feedback 🫶🏼

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

I look back at our messages to remind myself it all turned out a lie.

But most importantly, to remind myself to never fall for someone like that again…

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

My letter to you #2

I keep thinking to myself, “What is he doing now?”

Are you driving to see her? Did you wake up this morning to tell her she was your first thought? Does she make you smile the way I did?

I keep trying to understand why she was worth leaving me. Why you felt the need to move on with her before we were even over. Maybe I’ll never understand.

There might be that one day I bump into you, and I just hope you’re happy. I hope all the pain I went through was worth it. I hope you’re a better person because of it.

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

My letter to you

I wish I could go back to the night you said you still loved me. I would’ve taken you back. I wouldn’t have questioned it.

There’s so many thoughts that run through my mind since that day. Regret being the biggest one of them.

I don’t know what I did wrong. Our last conversation was good. I thought it was good.

We said goodbye for now. I didn’t realize it was goodbye forever.

Maybe one day you’ll come back. Maybe one day the universe will decide we’re right for each other again.

Until then, I’ll cherish you in my dreams. I’ll use every 11:11 wish on you. And I’ll pray one day my phone will ring and it’s your number calling.

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

I’m not doing okay.

I mean I’m okay, but I’m not at the same time.

I don’t have much to be sad over. There’s a roof over my head and a pillow to lay my head on.

But I’m not okay.

My heart isn’t completely broken anymore.

But it’s still not fully healed.

You’re not in my life anymore.

But you still haunt my dreams.

I just need all this pain to be over.

But I still want to live.

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

Love

I believed you.

Ate up every word you said like I had not eaten in years.

Maybe I manifested too hard that the universe wanted to show me why I am not worthy of being pleased.

I colored in your red flags with green crayons because I wanted to have the artwork I saw in my mind

But green over red just created a muddy yellow color.

I badly wanted to believe the artwork would look better if I colored darker.

But all I ended up with was a torn page and an empty heart.

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

The part that no one ever tells you about the healing journey is how many low moments you have. I appreciate the rain today for allowing me to feel these low moments in a much more peaceful manner. Continue loving yourself even when it’s hard. 💙

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

These days the only

Thing I want is to just stop

Ripping me apart

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

It's mentally and physically exhausting trying to put yourself first when you've never done it in the past. Where do I start?

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

“i don’t know how i know, but i’m getting bad again”

— and i don’t know if i can stop it this time (via depresseddisneyprincess)

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

It's hard leaving the person that you got so use to. The one who knows all your secrets. Been with you through the good and the bad. And accepts all your baggage. But what's worse is feeling yourself detach from them. The falling out of love when they're still in love. Trying everything you can to see if you can force yourself to stay but knowing you wont be happy. But you have to put yourself first. And mean it this time. "Maybe if I look at the ground it'll be easier. Then I wont have to see the tears build up in his eyes."

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

And no matter how hard I try it just stays

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

I have to say it...

Just to get it out of my system. I still love you and I can't make those feelings go away. And i know it's been years since I've actually seen you, but talking to you for that short amount of time felt like nothing changed at all. I just hate that I lost you when I did. Maybe our timing isn't quite right yet but when it is I know it will be beautiful. So for now I will wait for our paths to cross and enjoy my adventure before you.

[insanelybeautifulbrianna]

Felt like a model ☺☺