instant-dreamland

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12/13 - HBD.

Happy birthday langga! Here's to spending more days with you, di lang saimoha adlaw ko thankful but sa kada adlaw na atong panag-uban (yes, so deep but i can go deeper) ideally I would have been there to celebrate it with you pero sige lang bawi nalang sa sunod hehe. But ga, I'm grateful na you get to celebrate your quarter of a century birthday with me. It's okay to grow old kay di naman mu grow imo height hahaha pero at least, you're growing old with me. I love you kaayo putota ka. Kuwang ra gyud tanan words para ma express thoroughly ako gugma nimo. I love you so much putot. Happy Birthday, My Moon! The light not only on my darkest days. Thank you for every day. I love you. May God continue to bless you with abundance and may you continue to become a blessing to others. Together, may we fulfill our purpose as instruments in spreading His word for the growth of His Kingdom. Rooting and praying for you always, my Ocho Kai.

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08.20.21

heyaaaa Jazz, it’s been awhile since you wrote to yourself. who would’ve thought that tumblr would be the safest place to write your thoughts in this timeline; the rawest and purest intentions, without people feeding you judgment. 

so tumblr, you were my first bestfriend keeping track of all of my mushy, angsty, most random shit, through the weirdest, morbid episodes all throughout but most especially during my teenage years. i’m actually relieved that the people i knew back here are not around as much anymore, by then it’s just you and me.

things are topsy turvy lately, idk who to talk to. i’ve been trying out different outlets to calm myself with my anxiety levels high af with things i couldn’t even fathom. i tried to write and express myself through prose and poetry, but lately i couldn’t find the right words to say -- i’m just out and drained. but now, i’m feeling nostalgic of how simple it was; life back then, i mean at that point in time it was also difficult to bear but i was able, i guess we have different states in phases of our lives, life’s complicated like that. we have to choose our battles alright.

everything’s just jampacked right now, and in just a nick of time i won’t be able to hold it all in anymore. there’s just a lot on my plate right now, and i got no appetite for what life’s handing. keeping a façade to keep myself sane is getting out of hand, it feels like i’m a ticking timebomb waiting to self-destruct in no time. hello 1-800-273-8255? send help. 

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“The stars aligned... and even if they didn't, I would reach up and rearrange them” — (JENC, 2021)

07.11.21; 2020H | Love you ga, I got you the placement of the constellation on that night where the moon kisses the ocean. Vivid is my memory; your eyes got me mesmerized, having all of your 65 memorized.

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14—344, 8.

My boyfriend made this as the album cover for the playlist he curated for me. Can I just say, how lucky I am to deserve a significant other who’s keen to details. I love how the artwork is personalized with everything we shared at the beginning, all in one picture. I love you so much, langga. My favor8 shade of blue. May we have no end. If life with you is just a dream, may the god Somnus, grant us eternal slumber. Living in routine isn’t a thing for someone who yearns for continuous growth but if it meant to have a life with you in loops, Sisyphean it may be, as long as it’s with you, there’s nowhere I’d rather be.

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OVER 85

may the moon go through all its phases conquering the world with its many faces as the tides flow its course from its pull deafened by chaos in this sphere of fools

yearning in this time and age that hope won’t be taken by rage decisions made by the heart’s desire may the call of aspiration lead not to expire 

as through the highs and lows, the heart may race at the sight of thee as I see your face

two lost souls intertwined longing and craving, undermined adrenaline rushes as we go over 85 holding unto the life of what’s currently mine 

 — j.

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10°22'07"N, 123°52'24"E

may we never cease to contemplate rather, seize complications to recalibrate  as opportunities never knock twice not even a kiss would suffice 

the yearning of something artificial could never tantamount to what is natural the ingenuity of one’s thirst insatiable, we are accursed to live in comfort equates to living in the edge, both are risks as jumping off the ledge 

pick your poison, choose your battles as you go in motion, may you carry your notion 

 — j.

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(2[4])+√25

εδώ μας πιάνουν παλιρροϊκά κύματα, που πλέουν στη θάλασσα των σύννεφων

(translation: here we are caught in tidal waves, sailing on the sea of clouds.)

hi langga, when you get to read this i want you to know how important you are to me and that you mean the moon to me as you are the light in my darkest days. i wrote that line from my song dedicated to you in greek because we both share a geeky interest for greek mythology (and anything related to it), it just shows how personal this is to me and i’ll gladly give you everything i can and do. happy 08.13, my love. palangga tika kaayo, hinihigugma tika kanunay hangtud sa walay katapusan, hinaut kita gihapon hangtud sa kahangturan.

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forever & always.

deafening is the silence from the heart that once fluttered words that were once clear thoughts couldn’t even muster intentions left ambiguous as predicaments are continuous the equivocal nature of humanity’s catastrophe uncanny is life’s philosophy miscalculated risks are life’s greatest gifts as experience is the best teacher precariousness is the way to reach her to make ends meet what a delightful treat to get lost in your eyes as our lips meet as the moon kisses the ocean goodbye not forever but just for the day is a reminder that through our struggles it’s us forever and always — j.

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disabilities = these abilities.

you are love personified worth all the tears I cried with all the fears I tried negotiations, I bribed justifications let loose inducements led truce with one left me to decide with norms left to abide may I need not to remind than reminiscing, I rather be blind deaf to the subjugations of one’s trial a mime spiraling in denial let choice is what makes it differed to go deeper is what’s preferred hell and fire for what its worth a call to an era of the world’s rebirth — j.

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555

Jittery, I was at the first sight of you Indecisive even on what shade to wear or color of blue Misery on my sleeves at the sense of your touch Saccharine rush as the tip of our tongues brush

Ecstatic is how it is every moment with you Reckless, our actions may be but In your eyes I’d drown in glee, in your Caress is where I’d rather be — j.

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08.13

Verse 1: Tonight, I lay down all My playing cards for you Your eyes lies the greatest mystery  Of the ocean blue

Bridge: Here we are caught in tidal waves Sailing on the sea of clouds Lost all doubts through your sweet caress Just as when as the night ends

Verse 2: Palangga, ikaw kanunay Ang ginahunahuna rong gabiuna Ikaw lang jod wa nay lain pa Nga taw nagpakita nako ning kalibutana Refrain: Running over 85 Holding unto what is mine All my 58 Boy, oh you appreciate Said that I’ll be home by eight Realized I never ate Boy, you’re one I crave Will you be ever to satiate? Verse 3: As through the highs and lows, The heart may race At the sight of thee, As I see your face Two lost souls have intertwined Longing and craving, undermined All the I love yous You’re my favorite island view (Refrain) (Bridge)

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(c)

https://soundcloud.com/jazz-monteros/soul-alone-hannah-baker

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Father’s day poem (late upload)

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Happy Mother's Day ♥

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Untold Truth by Jazz Monteros