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[interdimensionaldiner]

SECURITY NEEDED (Job Posting)

The Interdimensional Diner needs some help in regards to security! Although we run 24/7 and are a hotspot for the local law enforcement, we still are having issues with feral individuals rummaging through our garbage can and establishing bases of operation within said cans!

If you think you can deal with:

Possums

Feral Businessmen

Crabs and/or Lobsters

Spamton

Rodents

PLEASE CALL

PLEASEEEE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CALL

[interdimensionaldiner]

Jenny: (Working a waitress gig) Alright Jen... you were the most competent person to apply! How bad could this possibly be?

The Fucking Onceler: (enters)

Jenny: (dying inside) Ohhh speak of the fucking devil...

[interdimensionaldiner]

2B: Well... seeing as how Nora has quit and cost us over a 100,000 dollars in damages, I'm here to see if any of you can be her fitting replacement.

I suggest you take care in how you respond to my questions.

The waitress applicants begin to line up as 2B goes down the list.

2B: XJ- er- Jenny, how many customers can you serve at once?

Jenny: I can serve at least a hundred at once! You can count on me boss!

2B: And how are you when dealing with spills...?

Jenny: E-Er- uh, I can clean them up! Haha... (She looks like she's having horror flashbacks.)

2B shakes her head as she moves on to the next person.

2B: Himiko Toga... how would you deal with a bothersome customer?

Toga: Make sure he's bleeding before he leaves~

2B merely shakes her head as she glances to the next name, her eyes widening as she grimaces.

2B: Nor- Nora? Nora... Valkyrie? You quit.

Nora: Not officially ma'am! I just haven't shown up in a few days. Anger issues, amiright? (uncomfortably chuckling)

2B: (squints) Well you're fired. Get out.

[interdimensionaldiner]

Io: ...It looks like blood

Nora: It's not blood, honey. It's cranberry juice.

Io: ...smells like blood-

Nora: ITS NOT BLOOD!!!

Io: ...

Nora: ...

Io: ...I think it's blood.

Nora: Gah! Whatever! Drink blood then! Have at it! I'm done!!

Nora slams her waitress cap onto the counter as she storms into the back. Glass crashing into the ground intensifies from the kitchen.

[interdimensionaldiner]

Spamton got into the garbage again. Calling the police to see if they can deal with him again.

[interdimensionaldiner]

Spamton: WHAT'RE THEY GONNA DO TO ME [Sarge]?! I WANT TO [Fly with Mama]!

Shax: Sorry son, that's not my department. Search him!

The two police officers cuff him and begin to dig through his jacket, pinning him to the diner counter.

Two hours later...

Mariner: Really big sunglasses...

Tendi: *squeak squeak* Bike horn?

Both are added to the massive pile of junk already below the two of them. Despite the loss of time, they are still searching him.

Mariner: Smallmouth bass- eugh...

Spamton: [WOW].

Tendi: Bowling piiin... GAH!- Mnghh... Ow ow owww...

Mariner: Mouse trap... (rolling eyes)

Tendi: Rubber chicken... *squeak squeak*

Spamton: A [0.001] TO THE LEFT! YYEAH THAT'S THE [big bucks].

Mariner: Yyyyeah I dunno. *pipis to the side*

Tendi: Ohoho, look at these! Funny eyeball glasses!

Spamton: I'VE NEVER [Seen, Heard, Spoken] THOSE BEFORE IN MY [rapidly downhill life].

Mariner: Bazooka?!

Spamton: I HAVE A [Unfraudulent_Permit] FOR THAT!

Tendi: Picture of Mariner's girlfrie-

Mariner: WHAT?!

Mariner snags the photo out of Tendi's hands and glares straight at the photograph. It's a picture of Jennifer in a sleazy outfit with 'Call Me' written on it.

Spamton: OH [?$&#]

Mariner: Jennifer! *glares at Spamton* You sleazy son of a bitch!

Spamton: AWE C'MON [Mama's Favorite], I THOUGHT YOU HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR! AFTER ALL...

YOU'RE DATING HER!

Proceed to Mariner incomprehensibly yelling as she runs and tackles him- only for Spamton to anomalously beat into Tendi and Mariner with sheer force of will.

Spamton: OHHH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT!! HEEHEHEHAAHEHH!!!11!

[interdimensionaldiner]

A waitress is fumbling behind the counter, kneeled down and sorting through some of the glasses as a bell rings- and the door to the diner opens.

Torchwick: Do you know how hard it is to find a diner open this late, little lady-

???: Not hard enough apparently- get in line, candlestick!

Nora suddenly pops out from beneath the counter, bags under her eyes as she slams a crate of cups onto the counter.

Torchwick glances over to the apparent line forming of criminals, all seemingly trying to rob the diner. Behind them, a massive impact hole in the wall.

Torchwick: Eugh... uh... maybe I'll just get a coffee then? Er- black.

Nora: Gimme a minute and I'll be over n' a second! HEEEEEYAH!!

Nora swung her hammer back and let it suddenly plummet straight into a pair of Hammer Bros.

Nora: GET A LOAD OF A REAL HAMMER, COPYCATS! WHOO! *sighs in relief* Comin' riiiight up!~

Torchwick: ...that girl scares me.