into-my-inner-mind

[into-my-inner-mind]

05/10/2025

I ruined the group for them. I didn’t mean too. I just wasn’t thinking.

I really just can’t escape how stupid I am. Maybe I can fix it. Maybe not. I’m sorry.

I hate myself so much.

I hate how one mistake as fucked over how I feel about all of this.

Why do I feel like they all hate me. I can’t talk or I’ll fall apart.

I just don’t want to be alone.

[into-my-inner-mind]

12/29/2024

It’s easy to feel broken, because I don’t feel sexual or romantic desire/attraction the way everyone else does. The way you are supposed to

But over time I got better. I realized it was okay for me to feel how I do and that other people feel like me too

I wasn’t broken and there wasn’t anything wrong with me

But sometimes that feeling of brokenness and hatred comes bubbling back up to the surface. These feelings like to come to the surface when I remember or when I’m reminded that not only do I not feel love or romance the way you’re supposed to I can’t even feel empathy like you’re supposed to.

It kinda fucken sucks. To be told and reminded by yourself and others that you aren’t like them. That you can’t feel empathy the way you should, and people don’t often understand. Even when they try to they can’t really understand.

It’s hard to understand what you don’t feel

I hope one day to accept this part of me.

I don’t even really hate that I don’t feel empathy. I just hate how other people will react to it. I hate that it’s just another thing I can’t feel like others

[into-my-inner-mind]

12/24/2024

I’ve been told I’m not very empathetic. It’s just how it is, but much I can do. People can think what they want about me, but it’s been confirmed that I lack empathy on some sort of genetic level. It’s written and proven. Hearing that and almost everyone I know agreeing makes it hard to disagree.

It’s not really an issue, it doesn’t normally bother me and it’s not like I have zero empathy, I just have less of it than most people.

Sometimes tho. It sucks. Sometimes it’s obvious that I’m the weird one. I don’t feel how most people feel.

Sometimes, I just can’t help but feel like a shitty person because of it. It’s not my fault and I know that, but how can I not feel bad when it’s pointed out to me.

My boyfriend tells me he knows I care about him, but he also knows there’s just something I don’t care about the same way he or other people do.

I wish I could feel empathy the way others do, but I don’t and I can’t change that.

Knowing it doesn’t make it suck any less tho

[into-my-inner-mind]

07/25/24

I really like my boyfriend. I don’t want to lose him. I hope nothing bad happens to him, because of his parents. Whether it’s something they don’t him or something he does to himself. I don’t think he will hurt himself, but as of right now I don’t think I can really rule it out.

[into-my-inner-mind]

07/25/24

If I find out you cause him to hurt himself. I will make my anger known. I want him out of that house and away from you. I’m not sure if I still believe that you to are better then living with his mother.

I hope you are treated the same way you treat him

[into-my-inner-mind]

07/25/24

I fucken hate you two so much. How can I trust what you say. You keep saying he’s lying, but how is not doing something to your standards lying? You two are worthless and pathetic and I hope you do move away. I hope you move and leave him here. Maybe then he has a chance to finally be happy. I hate you.

[into-my-inner-mind]

07/19/2024

To my boyfriends parents. Yo guys are pathetic pieces of shit

You guys are just fucken useless waste of space and terrible parents. I hate you. I hate everything you are. You are nothing.

Once you kid has the ability to move out I hope he never speaks to you again.

All you do is make him feel like shit and hate himself. He's afraid of you both.

He's afraid of your anger. That one day one of you will hurt him.

You guys are already neglectful, how long before your neglect turns into something worse.

I hate you.

and to my boyfriends step-mother, I feel bad for the child you are currently pregnant with

[into-my-inner-mind]

6/8/2024

To my boyfriends father

Really. He's dealing with stress in the way you taught him and it's not good enough for you? so you tell him to start disasociating even thought he hates it. You pathetic, worthless peice of shit. you are the defanition of a waste of space. You are nothing, You are worthless. You disopoint me, but compared to his mother you are sadly the better option. I can't wait tills he no longer has to deal with you.

I want him to be happy. Even if by then we've broken up. I don't care. I want for him to have a chance at having good mental health for once in his life

[into-my-inner-mind]

6/8/2024

To my boyfriends father.

You are a pathetic shit excuss for a father.

You suck the life and joy out of everyone, especially your son.

I hate you.

I only wish the worse for you.

I hope your son lives his best life inspite of you and I hope when you are on your death bed that you are alone.

You are mentally unwell and you make it other peoples problems, because while you quote un quote care about mental health, you don't act like it. You act as though you are immune to making others mental health worse.

You are a lazy entilted brat.

You disgust me.

You make your son do your laundry and fold it becasue you are to lazy to get your fat entiled ass up and do it like the adult you are supposed to be, and when he forgets because he has a bunch of other shit to do (that you told him he needs to do) you yell at him and call him a pussy for having a (possible) small trauma respose that you caused.

You should've never been aloud to have kids.

You are nothing more then a worthless, stupid, fat, lazy, pathetic, spoiled and entilted, addict.

Just because you stopped using drugs (bad ones not weed, he still does that) doesn't stop you from being an alchohlic.

I hate you. I have a disdan for you. I am only 18 and I am more of an adult then you could ever dream to be.

I feel sorry for you, and I hope when your son stopls talking to you realize all the shit you caused and cry

[into-my-inner-mind]

05/11/24

Yet again I fuck up.

I failed.

Why can’t I ever seem to do anything right? Why can’t I just be a good kid?

I don’t deserve to go on the family reunion coming up. Maybe that’s why they’re leaving me here.

Sometimes I wish I was never born, but I am.

I’m alive. I gift I’m not sure I want. I feel as though they believe it would be better if I wasn’t. I think I do as well.

Why can’t I just plan things out. Do things right the first time.

My mom sounds stressed and annoyed and all of done is make it worse.

To live a life I’ve never wanted and continually make the wrong choices

[into-my-inner-mind]

05/05/24

I'm almost 2 years older then my partner and since he got held back we are 2 grade levels apart and my family keeps telling me once I leave school and get a job, he's gonna break up with me or cheat on me and I wasn't scared or nervous about it before, but when you keep getting told it over and over again it starts to get to you. I hope we'll be fine. I like being in relationships (I'm under the AroAce umbrella and don't fall in love easily) and I really love him and love being with him. I don't want to break up and he tells me the same thing. I hope we don't break up. I hope we stay together forever, even if saying that isn't super realistic

[into-my-inner-mind]

05/05/24

I haven't been invited to any of the out of state family events this year, but my parents have. Every time I have been left to take care of the house and animals. I hadn't bothered me the whole time since I thought this was just kind of the price I had to pay since I grew up, but someone pointed it out to my in a different way and it kinda stung. I get why they've left me out. Doesn't mean that all the times they've done it hasn't started to hurt

[into-my-inner-mind]

05/05/24

I didn't get to talk to my partner all day, and normally that's not an issue. He was just spending time with his family and some of their friends and he was having fun. I didn't care and just left him alone to have fun, but now we're on the phone and I keep fucking up. I keep saying or doing things that are making me a piece of shit. I really did want to talk to him, but now I just don't wanna talk at all. I wish I could just talk to him and not feel like the worst.

This doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes. Maybe I just need to go to bed

[into-my-inner-mind]

5/03/24

I'm okay and this isn't even that big of a thing, but I don't think I can ever sing in front of my boyfriend again.

I don't normally sing in front of people out of fear that they would talk shit about on of the only things in my life that brought me comfort and I was naturally good at. He didn't talk shit about my singing either and has always said he liked it and maybe if I was more used to singing around him this wouldn't be a problem. It wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. I can't tell him this, he didn't mean any harm, but it hurt.

I hope one day I can get passed this and sing around him again, but as of right now I can't

[into-my-inner-mind]

4/21/24

I hate my boyfriend’s parents. They are entitled children who should’ve never had kids. They are lazy, entitled, annoying, selfish, and they treat their son like a therapist. They treat him like Cinderella. They want him to get a job, but won’t really help. They don’t help at all. They do the bare minimum as parents. They a worthless pieces of shit. I hate them. If I was in my boyfriend’s shoes I’d get out as soon as possible and cut them off. They do nothing and they always put themselves before anyone else. I wish them the worst. Even with all they do today make their kid feel like shit and all their eternal annoyance at him. His father and step mother are both still better than his birth mom. I hate his parents I talking to them and being around them and listening to them. His step mom is borderline neglectful and all she does is complain and sleep. His father is always upset or throwing a temper tantrum he can’t do anything for himself and makes everyone around him feel shitty. They both need to grow up and act like fucking adults. I think it’s good they found each other, both are unlovable and I hope they feel terrible when (I hope) his son stops talking to them. I think if he stops talking to them it’ll be better for his mental health. But what do I know

[into-my-inner-mind]

03/30/24

why did I not respond to his messages. why did i freak him out for no reason. how dumb can i be. i am a one big failure. I am a failure of a kid, of a friend, and of a partner

[into-my-inner-mind]

03/24/2024

Yet again I fucked up. I don't feel sad. just tired. I started another argument with between my moms all because I fucked up when doing my laundry, I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. I want this day to be over. I always do this, I don't mean to. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I understand things like they can. Why can't I just be normal